accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Text message cheating?

A reader wrote in to ask whether or not inappropriate texts can be considered cheating.  She found her live-in boyfriend’s text messages to another woman.  (Ok, when I say found, I actually mean snooped!) He insisted that they have never hooked up but admitted to a few dirty text messages.

Do you think that sending texts to people who are not your significant other automatically classifies as cheating?  What if the nature of the text messages is harmless and simple flirting?

Would it bother you if you discovered that the person you are dating had a habit of sending texts to women from his past?  Would you ask them to stop or dump them?

What is the appeal of sending dirty texts to people you aren’t even dating?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

448 comments Add your comment

Leggs

May 29th, 2013
10:14 am

Nice post, Robert!

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
10:15 am

When I was a young man my Father would restrict how long you could talk on the phone, and those attitudes are a part of me

It was not limited to men, or rather boys at that time. In my household, it was the law…for everybody. You had curfews….dating, phone conversations (how long and not past a certain time), and company curfew. By 10:00 they needed to be heading to the busstop or their car, but they better not be still sitting in the living room…or any other room for that matter. Oh, and company was resricted to the living room ONLY!!

Single and Happy

May 29th, 2013
10:18 am

We come from 2 different generations so it’s OK to agree to disagree. My generation (35-45) Hmm no wonder we seem to be left behind, I’m 51 all into technology, part of my job and the way of the world, and I grew up with a father in the house and know how to be a real man, not act like one.

No one can speak for anyone else, only for you.

Button

May 29th, 2013
10:19 am

Back in the day any man who spent time talking on the phone outside of business were labled as a sissy, bc talking on the phone was ladies stuff. Now we’ve fastfoward to texting as ladies stuff, who knew?

Button

May 29th, 2013
10:22 am

give the man a bullhorn to communicate or better yet a pigeon to carry the note/letter.

MsAtl

May 29th, 2013
10:23 am

Robert- We come from the same generation. I also do not send pictures of myself and would not want to open a text and see anyone else’s private parts. I also was restricted to how long I could talk on the phone and my mother would clamp down on the disconnect button in a heartbeat if you did not hang up when you were supposed to.
Still, I see nothing wrong or feminine about sending the occasional text message and it has not a thing to do with whether or not you grew up with a fatherly figure. I also would not put anything in a text message that I would not want to see on the internet somewhere. I am amazed at the level of stupidity I see on FaceBook and Twitter where folks think anything and everything should be posted with no thought to the fact that it is permanent.

disco

May 29th, 2013
10:24 am

leggs – why did I hear old boy going “you know you done effed up right?” – lol.

robert – really? just really? texting is not a male/female thing. it’s also not hereditary at least not yet. lol. I can just see someone conducting a study telling us that some of us are born with a texting gene.

leggs – I know. I go left sometimes. still, the whole concept of cheating is personal. time/money spent with a mistress, time/money spent with kids, whatever. it’s time/money not spent on me. lol.

single – my main man. lol.

Robert

May 29th, 2013
10:25 am

@DreamsMaterialize – The Military created lots of things we find useful today which include radiotelegraphy, the internet and GPS. Some may argue that today Women are 10 times more likely to use the internet (shopping, banking, etc.) and find their way to a shopping mall via GPS.

daddy swiss

May 29th, 2013
10:25 am

So according to Robert, texting is for chics or little boys, but spending all day on a blog is for Real Grown Men?

Single and Happy

May 29th, 2013
10:27 am

Swiss why you say what we all thought (LOL)

disco

May 29th, 2013
10:29 am

single – because swiss is a real man. lol.

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
10:31 am

Careful…not all of us thought that, nor believe in brow beating folks that don’t agree.

Y’all leave Rob alone, he’s entitled to speak his thoughts. Y’all kills me. Whether I agree or not, I see no difference in what he’s saying versus the other gang of folks that all agree. It’s just that y’all don’t agree….lol He’s entitled though to say what he feels.

Let’s not go back to the not so long ago days of tryna make folks all speak along the same lines and say the same thing. Debates? Cool. He’s entitled, to speak just like everyone else does. Oodles and snoodles and all snugs, hugs, in a rug…. Oh, or folks can’t post cause one post is too long…too funny. Well, we had several “lengthy” posts today. Hope that won’t block folks from posting.

Coffee gone, hashbrowns (with onions :) ) are done, getting to work.

Leggs

May 29th, 2013
10:32 am

Celisea ~ in my household it was the law…15 min. Sometimes, heck a lot of times, Mama would take the phone with her to work. Yep! And, when she didn’t, she would put a cylinder lock preventing us from dailing. I tell you, child abuse back in the day was no joke (lololol).

“…still, the whole concept of cheating is personal. time/money spent with a mistress, time/money spent with kids, whatever. it’s time/money not spent on me.” – When you put it like that, disco, I can only agree. It definitely is personal. What constitutes cheating isn’t viewed the same by everyone. Thanks for put your foot on my back stopping my roll down hill….

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
10:32 am

I forgot…

BBL…. :mrgreen:

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
10:33 am

Hey Leggs, And if all else failed, you had a hole torn out of your frame…and kept on living :)

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
10:34 am

Better yet, how about participating and tossing in your thoughts…ON THE TOPIC!! NOT sitting on the sidelines for an opportunity to jump in and cause trouble. IJS

K…now I’m gone to work :)

daddy swiss

May 29th, 2013
10:34 am

No one’s brow beating, C. Just pointing out the disconnect between stated views and actual actions, which, I believe we’re all entitled to do, as well. ;-)

SlimNu

May 29th, 2013
10:35 am

I recall I used to try to act like I was sleep and not still on the phone, whenever my mom would come in the room. “I KNOW you aren’t still on that phone?!!!”"” No ma’am…lol

MsAtl

May 29th, 2013
10:36 am

Celisea- Yes, he is entitled to his opinions and entitled to disagree. However, I feel a ping when the “statistics” roll out as in “women are 10 times more likely” or that a man who texts is not a real man. I know plenty of real men who text. I also know men who don’t text that are far from what I would classify as a real man. Good conversation though…

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
10:36 am

Or, on the phone in my room, at 3:00 a.m. and my daddy is coming down the hall… :shock: (you gonna get it now)…lol How about I hit mute and put the phone under me and pretended to be sleep! Talk about scared….lololol Ahhhh yes, the memories

Single and Happy

May 29th, 2013
10:37 am

Ahem ROBERT said he speaks for a whole generation, not anyone else, so they are not just his thoughts and views!

MsAtl

May 29th, 2013
10:38 am

Celisea- You try that in my childhood home and the twisted phone cord would be a dead giveaway. Lol

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
10:38 am

MsAtl – My post wasn’t aimed at you. I thought you post was insightful and a nice throwback at Rob’s. That’s not what I’m talking about. What you posting is how and what makes the blog flow.

Robert

May 29th, 2013
10:38 am

@daddy swiss – “but spending all day on a blog is for Real Grown Men?”

I really enjoy sharing my points of views on this blog. I usually try atleast twice a week especially when I am traveling and have time between flights to check-in. Today I am traveling from NYC to ATL.

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
10:38 am

MsAtl – I don’t know HOW I didn’t get caught but I was sweating bullets. That was a “one time” thing…lolol

Leggs

May 29th, 2013
10:41 am

So according to Robert, texting is for chics or little boys, but spending all day on a blog is for Real Grown Men?

DAYMUM, I should have thought of that with my snarkiness (lol). Good one, swiss, real good one!

SlimNu

May 29th, 2013
10:41 am

Celisea – When I got in high school, I had the privilege to have my own line and my own answering machine. If I was on punishment, ma dukes would take my whole phone system out. Little did she know, I had a spare under my bed ;-)

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
10:43 am

Slim – Having your own line still came with house rules…lolol I didn’t have one but I had a couple of cousins that did. Funny, how the rules back then were sort of “universal.” And yes, taking the phone back then can be considered equivalent to taking our kid’s cells (their only lifeline…they say), or taking their car keys.

Not the spare phone….lololol

Leggs

May 29th, 2013
10:44 am

Yep, my frame got tore up a lot.

Leggs

May 29th, 2013
10:45 am

Ummm, that doesn’t sound right, but my 10:43 goes with Celisea’s 10:33. Typed words can be so misleading!

daddy swiss

May 29th, 2013
10:47 am

Leggs — I was about to say… Do tell… do tell…. lol

kimmie

May 29th, 2013
10:50 am

Morning Gang!

Hey Daddy Swiss!!! Good to read ya!

On topic- Sigh…shrugs… Text, phone call, email, letter, carrier pigeon, it’s all a form of communication. A way to facilitate what you want to do. No it does not prove anything actually happened, but best believe if you’re trying to prove something in a court of law, phone records, emails, text records can be supenoed.

Some folks like to keep ish up and make the other jealous, keep games going and they get off on that type of stuff. Have at it. I’m a grown A woman married to a grown A man, but if you two like that mess I love it for ya!

My thing is – why be stupid? If you’re not up to anything, why have stuff out there that could cause a person to think otherwise unless that’s what you want, for the other person to find out so they will break it off with you? Oh well, I guess I just don’t get it. But I cannot STAND a STUPID man!

I never have had the time or inclination to snoop thru a dude’s things. If I ever got the feeling something was up, I just KIM, really. I never even asked or had a conversation with a guy about it, I just left. Did I ever make a mistake and think a dude did something when really he didn’t? Perhaps, but I highly doubt it. If I did, it’s still okay I left. Remember I can’t stand stupid, so if anything, I left him for being so.

I am SO GLAD I don’t have to deal with such ish in my relationship.

disco

May 29th, 2013
10:53 am

hey kimmie!!!!

MissMoni

May 29th, 2013
10:54 am

“But I cannot STAND a STUPID man!”

-Hi Kimmie, that’s the jackpot phrase for today!!! :-)

-Slim/Leggs/Celisea Growing up the phone was my lifeline! My mom teases me now that I should have a phone growing out of my ear for the amount of time I spent on it as a teenager. I too had curfews and also my Mama would pick up and LISTEN in at random and you better not be saying something you’re not supposed to. I wasn’t allowed to talk to boys on the phone til I was 15, but of course I would sneak and get on 3-way with the boy and a girl and he knew that if my Mama picked up that he needed to instantly be quiet! LOL, good times!!! :-D

Leggs

May 29th, 2013
10:54 am

Celisea/SlimNu ~ you guys were living large having your own phone line (lol). Heck, we didn’t even have a tv in our room let alone a phone. I can see that yellow phone hanging on the kitchen wall to this day with the lock on it and the empty spot on Mama’s nightstand where the phone should be but noooooooo, it’s in her purse at work. I tell ya, trauma for a kid!

Leggs

May 29th, 2013
10:56 am

Hi daddy swiss. How are things going. Little growing nicely, pinching your heart each second of the day? Then she’s doing an excellent job w/o even knowing it.(lol).

disco

May 29th, 2013
10:56 am

leggs – trauma???? I was trying to keep quiet and not put my “poverty” on blast but how bout at least y’all had a phone. lol. we probably only had one 50% of the time. lol.

MissMoni

May 29th, 2013
10:57 am

-Leggs Your Mama had the best idea ever!!! Glad my Mama didn’t think of that 1, LOL!

Leggs

May 29th, 2013
10:58 am

carrier pigeon – dayum, I forgot that line of communication…good one, kimmie (lol). No need to go back to The Pony Express because anyone horny back them would have gotten over it by time the recepient got the message.

Into the Light

May 29th, 2013
10:58 am

Afternoon, all.

Heeeeey, Swiss!

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
11:00 am

I can see that yellow phone hanging on the kitchen wall to this day with the lock on it and the empty spot on Mama’s nightstand where the phone should be but noooooooo, it’s in her purse at work. I tell ya, trauma for a kid

This is hi larious to me….lol She took the phone to work with her…lolol Well, with eight kids in the house 5 or 6 might have been down with sneaking to go against the rules, but you can believe the others would be bumping their gums as soon as mama hit the door…lolol

Leggs – I had a couple of cousins that had their on phones in their room around the age of 16, one of these cousins also got her first car (spanking brand new honda prelude) at 16 as well. I must say, she was a good kid though. Shoot, there were 8 kids and 2 adults, we didn’t have it like that. Mama and daddy had a floor modeled tv in their room and the kids had a black and white (with pliers) 13 inch in the den….lolol

I love the fact that we all lived along the same lines as it relates to rules and growing up, yet live in different parts of the country. Those old folks back then didn’t play that. Nuh uh!!

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
11:01 am

Annnnnd, I’m out…for awhile :mrgreen:

BBL…..for real this time…lololol

Single and Happy

May 29th, 2013
11:02 am

“But I cannot STAND a STUPID man!”

Yo guys must have been looking at the pops today (LOL)

DreamsMaterialize

May 29th, 2013
11:02 am

Women are 10 times more likely to use the internet (shopping, banking, etc.) and find their way to a shopping mall via GPS.
Robert Your initial post didn’t speak to how the technology was used, but to what it was “made” for. You said, “texting was made for women…” Man, you had me thinking you were on the original Wireless Texting Objectives and Planning Committee. lol

daddy swiss

May 29th, 2013
11:05 am

Howdy, kimmie. A big GO DAWGS!!! to you!

Leggs — All’s well with the Swiss Family [Robinson]. Just busy as heyal w/ work & the little munchkin. And yes, little Swiss Mochette had daddy wrapped around her little finger. She’s the cutest little baby in the history of babies. (Not that I’m biased or anything)

ITL– Hate to break it to you, but it’s not afternoon yet. It only feels that way. Hang in there, boo. (And GO DAWGS!!!! to you, too!)

daddy swiss

May 29th, 2013
11:06 am

** has — not had.

Celisea

May 29th, 2013
11:08 am

Just heard on the radio “Condolences to Andre 3000″…

The DJ will speak on it after break…wonder what that’s about.

Durty Burd ( Texting is for women)

May 29th, 2013
11:09 am

Good Morning!

I agree with Robert unless texting is a part of your work function that constant hourly form of communication is for women. Dudes who use texting as a form of personal communication and is constantly texting hourly is lacking some verbal communication skills.

Snooping what does the confirmation do for you when u are already know the person is lyin? KIM

Leggs

May 29th, 2013
11:11 am

but of course I would sneak and get on 3-way with the boy and a girl and he knew that if my Mama picked up that he needed to instantly be quiet! LOL, good times!! – Yes indeed.

We had a lot of party lines and listened in on many sordid convos.

MsAtl

May 29th, 2013
11:13 am

Celisea- I heard that his mother was found dead in her home.