accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Open to open relationships?

I once met a nice older couple who told me that the last 20 years of their marriage has been an open one. This basically means that they made the decision to let each other romantic interests outside the marriage.

I found it so fascinating that they both proclaimed that this was the best thing to happen to their marriage. They felt closer to one another and communication had improved tremendously.  Personally, I could not relate to the idea but I respect them for making a decision they felt was right for their marriage.

I can hardly bear sharing a remote control, I can not imagine sharing my man.  I just would not see the point of fidelity if we had all those options. Why not just be single?  What is the appeal of open marriages?

Would you be opposed to having an open marriage? What do you think would be the pros and cons of this kind of relationship?

By Wise Diva

279 comments Add your comment

Lee

May 22nd, 2013
7:09 am

Would you be opposed to having an open marriage? Yes, just stay single if that is what you want. What do you think would be the pros and cons of this kind of relationship? He has a maid, and she has a handy man.

MissMoni

May 22nd, 2013
7:30 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Would you be opposed to having an open marriage? ABSOLUTELY!!! I do believe in fidelity and being monogamous so without being sarcastic I don’t know what the pros would be.

Exiled

May 22nd, 2013
8:13 am

An open marriage boggles the mind…some are even open to another smacking theirs while they watch. Married folks?! Just hilarious to me.

Only in America!

Good Morning MIA

SlimNu

May 22nd, 2013
8:23 am

Good morning and two words for today’s topic, HEYAL NAW! that is all

MissMoni

May 22nd, 2013
8:25 am

-SlimNu Roger that, LOL!!!

Button

May 22nd, 2013
8:27 am

Good morning! I’m not open to open marriage. I’m too darn selfish for anything like that. Didn’t Mo’Nique say she has an open marriage? It’s funny how some marriages are open with the other person not knowing it with both parties stepping out on each other.

I can’t think of one pros to an open marriage but plenty of cons.

Robert

May 22nd, 2013
8:38 am

“Open to open relationships?”

Today, you can find yourself in situations that requires you to think outside-of-the-box. People will experience life changing events such as a car accident or mental illness (dementia, etc.) that leaves one partner unable to fulfill their sexual and other duties. People have different needs based on their situations. What would you do? Would you feel guilty if you sought another outside of the relationship to satisfy your personal needs, even though you still love that person and is willing to be the primary caregiver for the rest of their lives? Or will you honor your marriage vows (to death do us apart)? We have a choice. I hope and pray that my spouse gives me the best care available regardless of her sexual needs, if I am faced with a life changing situation. Open to open relationships? Grown folks (40-60 yrs old) are faced with these situations everyday.

Single and Happy

May 22nd, 2013
8:47 am

Hello all

Different strokes for different folks

“Only in America!” SMDH boy we really need to get out more.

What is the appeal of open marriages? Probably the same appeal as cultures where men have more than one wife.

When something is not your thing then don’t do it, let those who do enjoy themselves.

Would you be opposed to having an open marriage? I will never say never to anything, there are something I would rather not do, but you never know.

What do you think would be the pros and cons of this kind of relationship? since I hardly think about marriage, this never crosses my mind.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday

Button

May 22nd, 2013
8:47 am

Robert – I worked with a guy who was in a situation like what you described above. His wife was injured in a car accident days after they were married. It left her in a horrible place which left their s e?ual life out. He said she told him to find a lover but he said he just couldn’t bc he took his vow to his heart and he just couldn’t step out on her even at her request. It’s a hard thing to be in and I know it happens I just pray that I will never be placed in that situation. Same thing with men and ED. Both are unpredictable. Some men experience ED at an early age.

Hazel

May 22nd, 2013
8:56 am

This is a crazy question but a common one nowadays. I WILL NOT SHARE. However, there is a big population that does not mind. If you believe in a marriage and believe in the basic pillars of a marriage, this notion is absurd.

SlimNu

May 22nd, 2013
9:13 am

Button -We were just discussing men with super low and super high sex drives…Which one would do you think would be worse??

Robert

May 22nd, 2013
9:14 am

@Button – “Some men experience ED at an early age”

Yes, this is true but modern medicine has made ED treatable (Viagra, etc.). Women have problems too. For example I have met younger women (25-35 yrs old) who are not comfortable with how their body looks (skinny, fat, etc.) and have never really experienced an “orgasim” and find sex painful and not a pleasure. I have met older women (35-45 yrs old) who are comfortable with their body and sexuality but experience physical discomfort such as “dryness” or are going through “hot/cold flashes” which is caused by chemical changes in the body due to the natural aging process.

I have a friend who’s wife is “flashing” and he has learned how to deal with her sudden mood changes. He keeps a sweater, blanket and hand fans in his car whenever they go out just to make sure she is comfortable.

disco

May 22nd, 2013
9:24 am

good morning. such opposition. lol. I can see both sides of the coin. would I be for it or against it? depends on a few things like why I got married: love, security, convenience, whatever. sure some of the romantics will say they’d never marry someone they don’t love. thing is folks do it all the time. now, if I’m in a loveless but otherwise satisfactory marriage and hubs is okay with us seeing other people. I’m in.

single – stay out my head. I was going to bring up the multiple wives angle too.

Button

May 22nd, 2013
9:27 am

SlimNu- hmmmm for me low s e?ual drive would pose a huge problem, I have a very high drive. Super high will mean that I need to get with the program- shucks my ovaries will have to work overtime.

Robert – Dryness can be remedied with ky gel as for the pain, well that could be all in the mind or medical problem. I heard about viagra but there’s the side affect of using those things. Your friend wife is going thru menopause.

SlimNu

May 22nd, 2013
9:33 am

Button – The ladies in my office said they felt a guy with a SUPER high drive would be more of an issue. One girl said her hubby came in the shower behind her this morning while she was trying to shave her legs and she was like, “I’on know whatchu think you bout to do but I gotta go to werk” lol But a guy with a low drive could be just as bad, especially if you’re getting rejected often or he just doesn’t initiate at all.

Single and Happy

May 22nd, 2013
9:35 am

Disco, I’m sure a lot of men are all for open marriages, or having other people join them. Until their wife says she wants another men. (LOL) If it wasn’t against the law, we would have multiple wives. But a woman wouldn’t be able to have multiple husbands. How many women do you hear about with another family on the other side of town??

You know we always seem to be of the same thought (LOL)

MissMoni

May 22nd, 2013
9:37 am

-SlimNu/Button My vote is that the guy with the low drive would be the bigger issue for me. Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with the husband who’s jumping in the shower with his wife prior to going to work. Isn’t that what marriage is all about, LOL!!! ;-)

Single and Happy

May 22nd, 2013
9:37 am

Sex before work is great, makes for a stress free day (LOL) But that goes for any kind of physical activity :-)

disco

May 22nd, 2013
9:38 am

s/h – lol. it’s all good. women balance it out by pretending that hubs fathered her child when the real daddy lives on the other side of town.

Single and Happy

May 22nd, 2013
9:40 am

LMAO @ disco

Button

May 22nd, 2013
9:43 am

SlimNu- lol @ the lady in the shower and shame on her , nothing like morning schex. I would’ve just been late this morning :wink:

Single and Happy

May 22nd, 2013
9:44 am

Isn’t that what marriage is all about, LOL!!! not to all women (LOL)

Leggs

May 22nd, 2013
9:46 am

Would you be opposed to having an open marriage? – Yep. I already know coming out the gate, my heart couldn’t handle it. No sense in fooling myself or him.

What do you think would be the pros and cons of this kind of relationship? – I dont see any pros because if I did, I would probably try it.

Good morning!

Button

May 22nd, 2013
9:50 am

Single – I second that! Now if they were just dating then he would have gotten it. LOL

MissMoni

May 22nd, 2013
9:50 am

-Single and Happy I see, LOL!!!

Coach

May 22nd, 2013
9:50 am

Good Good Morning tho

As weird as it sounds I hear that swingers or open relationship people do have closer relationships than one might expect. Im not sure sharing my woman knowingly would workfor me, however if she went behind my back then she was never mine anyway. Regardless i would be concerned that one point it would cease to just be a sex thing, and become an intimacy thing.Thoughts?????

disco

May 22nd, 2013
9:51 am

hey leggs – I’m going to see if I can cough up some pros for open.

1) variety. you can pick boyfriends who are finer/smarter/sexier/funnier/whatever than your husband

2) because you already have a man you can ignore much of the other criteria on your checklist and just go for sex appeal only. nothing else matters. you already got a man.

3) I got stuck at two but I’m thinking. lol.

MissMoni

May 22nd, 2013
9:58 am

-Disco I’m cracking up at your #3, LMBO!!!

Leggs

May 22nd, 2013
10:00 am

I see most are opposed to open marriages

I see most agree sex in the morning is the bomb diggity.

Single and Happy

May 22nd, 2013
10:01 am

disco did you get stuck on #3 or just said that’s good enough don’t need anymore (LOL)

Leggs

May 22nd, 2013
10:03 am

hey disco!

Here’s a few of my cons:

(1) “possible” disease
(2) may wind up sneaking and seeing that person w/o my knowledge
(3) likes her moves better than mine
(4) starts to call me her name.

Leggs

May 22nd, 2013
10:04 am

Damnit, I didn’t list cons for an open marriage. Those seems to be cons for an affair.

SlimNu

May 22nd, 2013
10:04 am

But a woman wouldn’t be able to have multiple husbands.

And there ya have it folks….the double standard of one weenie per chick but multiple va jay jay’s per man :roll: Yall sure do like to dish sh!t out that you surely couldn’t take yourself. uh uh uh

disco

May 22nd, 2013
10:04 am

s/h – both. I figured 3 was a good number to have but I couldn’t think of anything to put there. practically speaking the first two about cover it for me. lol.

leggs – obviously you are in a “love” marriage. I’m in an “other reason” marriage.

SlimNu

May 22nd, 2013
10:07 am

I already know coming out the gate, my heart couldn’t handle it. No sense in fooling myself or him.

Leggs – Even those in polygamous relationships still experience jealousy & other issues. I believe there is a new show about polygamist on tv now. (new season or something)

disco

May 22nd, 2013
10:07 am

slim – let’s not be too hasty in hating the double standard. often in polygamy situations the husband with umpteen wives has to be able to provide for all the wives and all the children. meanwhile the wives get to share the duties, (all the duties), the bedroom duties, the cooking and cleaning, the laundry. consider dude probably has this wife, that wife and the other wife whining about something at any given time and it almost sounds like hubs is getting the short end of the stick. lol.

SlimNu

May 22nd, 2013
10:09 am

disco – Please explain the ‘other reason’ marriage lol

MissMoni

May 22nd, 2013
10:11 am

-Leggs/Disco I know someone who gave her husband a threesome for his birthday because he REALLY wanted one. This included him watching his wife with the other female. The wife chose 1 of her friends/co-workers to be the 3rd participant (the only way she went along with it was to be able to chose the female). Well, let’s just say that his wife enjoyed herself a little too much and no longer wanted to be intimate with just her husband. He opened Pandora’s Box and got something that he totally wasn’t expecting. They are divorced now. *True Story*

SlimNu

May 22nd, 2013
10:11 am

disco – You may be right as far as the pressure added to a dude but it’s one thing for you to cheat on me, but for me to KNOW you just had your willy wet up with her juices on Tuesday, just doesn’t sit right with me.

O/T An Evander Holyfield look a like just tried to talk to me. Heyal naw :lol:

disco

May 22nd, 2013
10:15 am

slim – I just said earlier that not everyone marries for love. sometimes it’s other reasons like security, convenience, obligation.

moni – I have a friend who was the second woman with a neighbor and the neighbor’s husband. she said after the fact the neighbor lady started getting really chilly towards her. guess she was just too close for old girl’s comfort.

MissMoni

May 22nd, 2013
10:18 am

-Disco The neighbor??? Wow, that is too close. I look at those types of situations as you get what you ask for.

Button

May 22nd, 2013
10:19 am

MissMoni – isn’t the usually the case? @ 10:11

I don’t know any swingers and hope never to meet any. I dated a guy who wanted to take me to one, I ran so fast and far away from him. I don’t know any pros for swinger/open marriage except that if they both are freaks then they will be highly satisfied.

Sassy Me...Feeling like new ;-)

May 22nd, 2013
10:20 am

but for me to KNOW you just had your willy wet up with her juices on Tuesday, just doesn’t sit right with me.

That’s a heck of an illustration SlimNu :lol:

Well, let’s just say that his wife enjoyed herself a little too much and no longer wanted to be intimate with just her husband.

:shock:

Dayum..

I think the term open marriage is an oxymoron of sorts. I know to each his/her own but if you want to do that and live that sort of life style then stay single…then that way it’d be called “dating”…but that’s just my dos centavos

SlimNu

May 22nd, 2013
10:21 am

disco – Gotcha

Did yall read the article I posted on here yesterday about a couple having a 5-person orgy and ended up getting into a brawl? It’s not always candy canes and rainbows.

kimmie

May 22nd, 2013
10:22 am

Morning All!!

I could not hang with it, but other folks do, so I say do you. We don’t know WHAT folks are doing being closed doors. I bet alot of it would surprise you! And alot of times, it’s the most str8-laced folks too. As long as no innocent children are involved, have at it.

The pros to me are that one has all the legal benefits of marriage.

The cons to me are on a more personal level, depending on each person. For example, really how secure are you? Are you okay with the risk of your spouse liking how some other person “does it”? Is one of you not being honest and just going along with it to hold onto the spouse?

If you get a chance and have not seen it, Lisa Ling on OWN does these specials called Our America, they are documentaries. She did one on swingers. It was absolutely eye-opening. Everyone should check it out.

Leggs

May 22nd, 2013
10:24 am

SlimNu

May 22nd, 2013
10:25 am

Button – I dated this guy that asked me to go to Trapeze with him…I never made it there. lol Also, I hear there are many swingers in the school system :???:

Celisea

May 22nd, 2013
10:25 am

Ummmm, heck no!!! Open to what? :shock: I just bet there are more swingers than known or admitted…mmm hmmm I just be we all probably know a swinger….or two

Leggs

May 22nd, 2013
10:26 am

MissMoni ~ WOW. That’s it, opening Pandora’s Box. Such a big chance to take. And here he thought he was safe by bringing in another woman to get his fantasy in motion unbeknownst to him, he awakened a sleeping demon (lol).

MissMoni

May 22nd, 2013
10:27 am

-Button I agree!

-Sassy An oxymoron is a great way to explain it!

-Kimmie I saw that documentary. Lisa Lang was asking all the questions that I would’ve asked. It’s puzzling how many Americans are OK with swinging. Which brings us back to Diva’s question: Why not just stay single?