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Relationships: Suspicious activity

There comes a point in every relationship when you have to decide trust your partner.  Of course, this is after trust has been earned by both people.  Your trust is what keeps you from snooping, questioning suspicious behavior, or inconsistencies.  What happens when you start to have doubts though? Should you go looking or address it with your partner?

I have been in a situation where I wanted to trust my guy but the evidence was mounting that things were off. As much as I wanted to trust him, he left me no other choice. I HAD to address it or pretend things were all good when I knew things were definitely not.

Someone used to tell me that if someone really cared about you, they would hide their dirt from you.  If they were blatantly disrespecting the relationship, you should take that as their cowardly way of ending things.

What do you when the person you are dating exhibits  suspicious behavior?  Once you decide to trust a person, do you trust them blindly?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

260 comments Add your comment

HUNTER

May 21st, 2013
6:58 am

How can u trust your gut with mounting evidence, stated by the blog’s writer? Shouldn’t ur gut and mounting evidence speak along the same lines??? And there u have it….games and getting played!

HUNTER

May 21st, 2013
7:00 am

Someone told u wrong. To hide or not?? To remain faithful is what great men do. This I know.

Lee

May 21st, 2013
7:13 am

Been there and done that. Now when i do date and a guy shows just one sign of ‘he playing games” I will be gone, no questions no explanations … I am too old for games and don’t have the time.

Single and Happy

May 21st, 2013
7:23 am

Hello All

I trust from the beginning, it’s not something you have to earn. But when it’s gone, I’m gone.

MissMoni

May 21st, 2013
7:36 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

To trust or not to trust, that is the question. I look at it like this, if I can’t or don’t trust you, then I don’t need to be with you. I too have “been there done that” and this I know, my GUT feeling was NEVER wrong. Everytime I had that uneasy, something isn’t adding up feeling, the guy was indeed doing wrong. There comes a time in your life when you should make better choices and decide that you deserve better than to be with someone who doesn’t respect you enough to be faithful.

Button

May 21st, 2013
8:27 am

GM, Trust – To have trust you have to have that “I have absolutely without a doubt he/she will do right by me” attitude and that I can’t do. I can only hope that they will do right by me and I do right by them. I look at the man’s history, if he has a history of cheating or a revolving door of women in his life, then I will take the high road and not even go there with him. There are some people you know you just shouldn’t trust.

Button

May 21st, 2013
8:38 am

What do you when the person you are dating exhibits suspicious behavior? many many moons ago I would ignore it,
I take my gut feelings with a grain of salt, sometimes I know it’s just me tripping because of past experiences. I will make sure I’m not tripping then if I’m not, then I’ll bring it to the forefront. Fortunetly I haven’t had that gut feeling in a while because I leraned to date with sense instead of going head first as I used to do.

disco

May 21st, 2013
8:53 am

good morning. trust? oh boy. lol.

Leggs

May 21st, 2013
9:06 am

“What happens when you start to have doubts though? Should you go looking or address it with your partner?” – Umm, grown folk discuss, insecure people snoop. It’s that simple (for me).

“…do you trust them blindly? ” – As in life, never do anything blindly. When you rest your laurels on another individual, not only are you shortchanging yourself, but you’re not living your life. You’re wanting another to complete your existence where you should already feel completed.

Good morning.

disco

May 21st, 2013
9:10 am

hey leggs – in my opinion, the problem is that some folks just want to trust. I suppose it’s part of the whole “love” experience for them. I know I’m always amused at the chick who sits there and confidently tells everyone that she just knows her man would never cheat on her. I’m the chick that’s all “mmm hmmm, whatever”.

Button

May 21st, 2013
9:15 am

disco – yeppers, some peep just want to trust because they say that’s one of the ingrediant for love.

Exiled

May 21st, 2013
9:19 am

Single People?

All they want to know and understand are ‘Relationship curveballs’

It gives y’all Singledorm Relief! :lol:

Good morning MIA!

MsAtl

May 21st, 2013
9:21 am

Morning All!

I will trust you from the beginning until I have reason not to. I will not do blind trust; I have learned to pay attention to gut feelings and red flags. If I have doubt, that is where a discussion comes in and if I smell B.S. or confirm, then I’m out.

Leggs

May 21st, 2013
9:25 am

Hey disco. I agree! One should never say what another person will or will not do.

SlimNu

May 21st, 2013
9:37 am

Morning Peeps!

I trust that when we first meet, i’m not the only person you are persuing. As we get further along in our dating situation, I will trust that you will try your best not to make it known that you are up something IF you are up to something. If at a later time, you begin to ack out of the norm, displaying signs of “Up To Something”, then I will slowly put my guard up until my gut feeling is met with your “eff up”…. :-D

Been sneezing all morning, oh lawd!

abc

May 21st, 2013
9:38 am

In general, I’ll trust someone until they clearly demonstrate it’s not warranted. People rarely have a chance to violate my trust more than once. That applies to pretty much all walks of life. And, I don’t sweat it so much. Going through life as a doubter would be a bummer, no way to live.

Beautiful

May 21st, 2013
9:42 am

this just happened to me recently. he lied… i cut it off! he asked about 3 times to start over. naw homie, i’m good

SlimNu

May 21st, 2013
9:45 am

Beautiful – What did he lie about?

Beautiful

May 21st, 2013
9:46 am

bad part about it, i wanted to give him a 2nd chance. hurts

Beautiful

May 21st, 2013
9:49 am

Slim… it was the feeling i had that did it for me. you know that feeling you get when you’ve been scammed or used. that feeling.

disco

May 21st, 2013
9:52 am

hey slim – I trust that you had breakfast this morning. lol.

Leggs

May 21st, 2013
9:52 am

Beautiful ~ since you “wanted” to give him a 2nd chance, what harm would it have occurred if you did? He lied, so if you gave him another chance, what did you think you may be conveying to him? How big of a lie did he spit?

MissMoni

May 21st, 2013
9:56 am

-Beautiful I have a very good friend who was in a situation similar to yours but she chose to stay. Well, let’s just say that he has lied about other things after that. (His lie was that his female roommate was just a friend when the truth was they were legally married!) Apparently, she’s so head over heels that she was willing to bypass the initial lie, but since he continued to lie about other stuff I’m like why not just leave him alone. I suppose that is just too simple.

I agree, some people like complicated.

disco

May 21st, 2013
9:57 am

moni – I love it!!!! I suppose technically it wasn’t a lie. she is his roommate. lol.

Leggs

May 21st, 2013
9:59 am

(His lie was that his female roommate was just a friend when the truth was they were legally married!)

HOT DAYUM! Unreal the lenghts some men go! That deserved a kick to the throat, groin and stomach!!!

Beautiful

May 21st, 2013
10:00 am

Leggs… my gut told me to sit back and watch. MissMoni just hit it on the head *but since he continued to lie about other stuff*

Beautiful

May 21st, 2013
10:01 am

disco you funny LOL

SlimNu

May 21st, 2013
10:01 am

disco – I just got my yogurt & blueberries out of the fridge for my breakfast. I was not going to forget it today because yesterday I was a hungry demon. :lol: I went home, threw some chicken in the crock pot, made some mac & cheese and some greens for dinner tonight :oops:

Leggs

May 21st, 2013
10:03 am

SlimNu ~ what time you got home to throw chicken in the crock pot?

DuShawn

May 21st, 2013
10:05 am

Why search for something you don’t want to find?

MissMoni

May 21st, 2013
10:06 am

-Disco Well technically, you’re right, LOL!!!

-Leggs I agree, but it’s been over a year and they’re still together. . .

-Beautiful I’m glad you listened to your gut. The right one will come along who will be completely honest with you. :-)

disco

May 21st, 2013
10:06 am

D – to prove that there’s nothing to be found. duh.

SlimNu

May 21st, 2013
10:06 am

I’m surprised after a lie like that, she wanted to continue on with the r’ship. WOW

Leggs

May 21st, 2013
10:07 am

Beautiful ~ always listen to your gut.

MissMoni

May 21st, 2013
10:08 am

-SlimNu Your dinner for tonight sounds on point! Mail me a plate! :-)

-DuShawn Your comment reminds me of something that was said on LHHATL last night. However, if there is nothing to find then no amount of searching will turn up anything. Kind of like when people were trying to dig up dirt on President Obama. If it’s not there, then there’s simply nothing to tell.

MissMoni

May 21st, 2013
10:09 am

-SlimNu I was SURPRISED as well!!!

disco

May 21st, 2013
10:10 am

moni – and that’s the scary thing. maybe just maybe that right one will never, ever come along. or the timing will be off when they do come along. that’s not me being negative or cynical, it’s just a very real possibility. lol.

MissMoni

May 21st, 2013
10:10 am

-Disco O K. . . Anything is possible, LOL!!!

SlimNu

May 21st, 2013
10:13 am

Leggs – About 6:30, I didn’t go to bed until midnightish lol I haven’t been able to sleep lately so I’ve been up late for the last few days. The recipe I’m trying was a simple one that didn’t require a lot of prepping ;-)

Celisea

May 21st, 2013
10:14 am

IMO, suspicions? Just say you’re good as gone. I’m not that person that trust on the front end of things. I can’t call it “distrust” at that point, I’m just not going all in. I don’t say anything or tell the person I don’t really trust them, I just watch and align words and actions. I’m the opposite of most, I trust people once they’ve shown they’re trustworthy. Now, if there’s a breech in trust, we may as well say it’s a wrap. I’m that person that once distrust is etched in my brain, only the sweet love of Jesus will make me see reformation. That’s why I don’t do do overs and junk, when trust has been breeched. Fortunately, I haven’t had too many jokers that were liars and not trustworthy…lol

And no, I’m not saying people can’t change, but for me it will like be proven or displayed or allowed an opportunity with another.

disco

May 21st, 2013
10:15 am

moni – yep. I just put that up there with the “eyeroll” advice. sort of like “when you stop looking you’ll find someone” speech.

SlimNu

May 21st, 2013
10:16 am

MissMoni – You know I was thinking the same thing about, “if you go looking for something, you’ll find it”. I’m thinking, if you aren’t doing anything questionable, then if I look, I still shouldn’t find anything. That’s like the “cake and eat it too’ saying. Who the hell buys cake to just look at it. I could see if it was, have cake AND cookies too, or some ish like that lol

Leggs

May 21st, 2013
10:19 am

They’re still together? All 3 of them (lol)?

disco

May 21st, 2013
10:21 am

slim – you crazy but I’m with you. what the eff else are you supposed to do with the cake? lol.

Leggs

May 21st, 2013
10:21 am

MissMoni ~ the way Scrappy explained “looking for something” made me chuckle. You feel me…

Beautiful

May 21st, 2013
10:22 am

i will never EVER go looking for the sake of looking again. LOL! really tho. i promise you, you will find something. i’m not into qualifying him as a cheater anymore. over it!

Leggs

May 21st, 2013
10:23 am

” I’m thinking, if you aren’t doing anything questionable, then if I look, I still shouldn’t find anything.” – Exactly what I was thinking when Scrappy was talking out the side of his neck last night.

Beautiful

May 21st, 2013
10:23 am

what’s in scappy’s cheeks??

MissMoni

May 21st, 2013
10:23 am

-SlimNu LOL and yes that saying does need to change to have cake and cookies too!

-Leggs Well, they got divorced and the now ex-wife moved out. It’s amazing that if they were not in that type of relationship that it took for my friend to come along for him to finally divorce his “roommate”. I asked her does she really think that the ex-wife went away just like that and she was like? She said the chick still gets mail at the guys house! You did read the part where I said that it’s been over a year right????

MissMoni

May 21st, 2013
10:24 am

-Leggs Scrappy got what he wanted, you see Erica did NOT have that ring on, LOL!!!