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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP

Looks or personality?

For single people, attraction is important and it can be the driving force to how we interact with each other.  Personality is what keeps us interested. When you consider them both, which do you believe is really more important?

I ask this question because I believe so many of us are drawn to what appeals to us physically first (obviously), but we would overlook a person’s awful personality.  If personality is so important to us, why is it that so often we let their looks influence our interest?

Do you believe that a person’s personality can make them more physically attractive over time?  I have heard some women say that the more they got to know a guy, the less attractive he became.  This makes me wonder where do we really place the most value, in looks or personality.

Have you ever met someone and felt no attraction to initially? Did they become more attractive to you over time?  What do you think that says about us?  How does that impact our dating behavior?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

278 comments Add your comment

Exiled

May 16th, 2013
6:51 am

Both!

Good morning MIA!

Lee

May 16th, 2013
7:04 am

Looks may get you in the door but personality will keep you there. I think everyone knows that person that gets all the gals/boys but they never stick around due to poor personality. No matter what you need that attraction to be there to make you want to get to know a person–but that attraction will change as you get older ( well at least for some) but personality will want to make to stay always.

What do you think that says about us? It says that our ancestors needed to mate and pick the strong person physically was more important, i think is still inbreeded in us today though it no longer matters in todays sociality.

Hazel

May 16th, 2013
8:07 am

Both for me. Initially it is the looks that pulls you in, then its the personality that can make or break the advancement of that relationship. If you are an a** but handsome … it won’t work.

MissMoni

May 16th, 2013
8:13 am

GOOD Thursday Morning MIA!!! *It’s Friday Eve* :-D

“Looks may get you in the door but personality will keep you there.”
-Lee I couldn’t have said it better.

Looks usually is what typically attracts someone right out of the gate. However, through interaction if I get the drift that he thinks that because he LOOKS so good that women should worship him, then that’s a personality type that I’m not willing to deal with. I’m into the attractive yet humble type of man. The one that KNOWS that he looks good, but doesn’t have to announce it to the world. There is nothing attractive to me about a person who has the attitude that nobody is on their level. There are many people who are with someone ONLY because of looks. Have at it if that floats your boat, but I want also want someone with substance.

Finish this phrase: A pretty face with an empty or overinflated brain =

Big Al

May 16th, 2013
8:20 am

I agree that persoanlity is what keeps you there. A pleasant, upbeat personality draws people like bees to honey. The first date I had with my current gf was to a karaoke bar, and when I heard her sing Kenny Rogers ‘The Gambler’ in her wacky way, I was hooked.

Hazel

May 16th, 2013
8:23 am

pretty face with an empty or overinflated brain =
NO LOVE

MissMoni

May 16th, 2013
8:35 am

-Hazel That’s a good one!!! :-)

SlimNu

May 16th, 2013
8:43 am

If personality is so important to us, why is it that so often we let their looks influence our interest?

Looks are what usually get’s our initial attention. We respond to that, however, if after that first draw the person is a douche, I don’t care what he looks like, it’s time to keep it moving.

Do you believe that a person’s personality can make them more physically attractive over time? MOST DEFINITELY!

Have you ever met someone and felt no attraction to initially? Did they become more attractive to you over time?

It was this way with my ex that I was with for like 10yrs(on and off)….At first, I never even gave him a 2nd look as far as a potential mate. But he ended up working at the same place I was and we basically spent lot’s of time together getting to know the other. Homeboy was full of personality and it just went on from there.

Single and Happy

May 16th, 2013
8:44 am

hello all

So we see where we are with looks, but has anyone been attracted to personality. Which is difficult to do, because unless your placed in a setting to be around them you will never know.

Hazel

May 16th, 2013
8:47 am

@Single&Happy – I tried to “like” an awesome guy with a fab personality but I guess I wasn’t mature enough to know what the important factors are, when it comes to a good mate. I think we all go through that phase and learn..I think

Single and Happy

May 16th, 2013
8:54 am

Hazel I’m super human, I never went through that phase (LOL) Oh wait I did once when I was in high school.

Bluzgirl

May 16th, 2013
9:25 am

Morning all! I haven’t been on here in a while and I just know you all missed me! ;-)

I’m definitely more attracted to personality. My last two serious relationship were with men who weren’t the most gorgeous, but their personalities made them beautiful to me. Now, Psycho in Seattle was HOT, but he turned into a jerk…

MissMoni

May 16th, 2013
9:33 am

Hi Bluzgirl! Glad to see you blogging back into action! :-)

Leggs

May 16th, 2013
9:35 am

“Do you believe that a person’s personality can make them more physically attractive over time?” – Most definitely. When I read something like this, I often think of Biggie Smalls. Not my cup of tea, but he was loved.

pretty face with an empty or overinflated brain = will turn into a cat lady.

Bluzgirl

May 16th, 2013
9:39 am

Thanks MissMoni!!! Hadn’t had much of a chance to blog in the past week. Just a lot of personal isht going on. All is ok…just trying to find a new job because I can no longer stand working for my boss!!!

Bluzgirl

May 16th, 2013
9:41 am

A pretty face with an empty or overinflated brain = doomed to be in a relationship with Rosy Palm and her 5 sisters…

Leggs

May 16th, 2013
9:47 am

I call her Mary and her 5 friends…that’s funny, Bluz

Single and Happy

May 16th, 2013
9:47 am

A pretty face with an empty or overinflated brain = doomed to be in a relationship with Rosy Palm and her 5 sisters… really now there are always people who will put up with a lot of isht just to have someone that everyone will look at.

Leggs

May 16th, 2013
9:49 am

Wish you much luck, Bluz. I know how it is working for someone you can’t stand. Most of us probably know.

Celisea

May 16th, 2013
9:51 am

For the most part I agree with the general concensus but, let’s not be so quick to call foul on folks that didn’t work out for us. IMO, for every “stank” attitude you’ve seemingly encountered, I’m CERTAIN they concluded otherwise. I’ve encountered a few dudes that were lack luster. Now, I’m sure they wouldn’t peg themselves as such but for me and what I needed or wanted or was looking for at that time, lack luster simply didn’t cut it….IJS and LOL

In all seriousness, given the overly judgemental society (and I say judgemental cause most folks are using themselves as a guage to what should or should not be etiquette or right or done right) and really what makes me or you an expert on how others should be, do or act? Guarantee there’s a match for someone that didn’t work for you. That’s why my mantra is do you and what works for you, but don’t throw shade my way because I don’t “fit” what a person deemed proper or the right thing. Also, and more importantly, if the good book don’t say or does say it for that matter, I don’t really need to hear from the moral majority cause nowadays I’m asking “what’s considered moral?” I see very little morality these days….just “good” folks, as in “I’m a good person.”

I’m kidding sort of kinda and sorta not. There are many many things in God’s eyes that we do as a society that ain’t right so, if it ain’t by his standard (and it applies to all), IMO it turns to judgement.

And as for topic, give me both!! :) :)

Celisea

May 16th, 2013
9:53 am

It’s the heart and soul that matters, not the outer appearance but black and evil on the inside.

disco

May 16th, 2013
9:54 am

good morning. I was trying to read through all the comments before commenting but I had to stop when leggs said biggie smalls. just. uggh. uggh and uggh again. a great personality and a never ending bank account wouldn’t have made that man attractive to me. just ugggh.

hey bluz!!!!

kimmie

May 16th, 2013
9:58 am

Morning All!!

Everyone is basically saying the same thing – looks get you in the door, personality keeps you there. And I’ve found that to be true to a certain extent.

I have made the mistake in the past to think a not-so attractive dude would not hurt me, and thus let my guard down. Could not have been further from the truth. Dude was a douche. In fact, I have known and know quite a few people who look like ish and have a jacked up personality, yet they still manage tto get dates and marry. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and the same can be said for personality. What I consider a douche may be just fine for someone else.

Also, some make the mistake of thinking just because someone is attractive, that means they must be stuck up or have a stank personality. Example – I have a cousin that lives in Vegas that I had not seen since we were 15 that came to my wedding. Cuz is gorgeous! She’s also one of the coolest people you will ever want to meet. I have a picture of me hugging her on my desk. One of my coworkers saw the pick and you could almost see the jealousy come up in her face. She asked me “Is she stuck-up?” Now why would you just assume that?

disco

May 16th, 2013
10:00 am

so, my take on looks versus personality is that a person generally has to grow up and mature into embracing personality. most of us probably started off more shallow than we are willing to admit. lol. I’ve actually always had a higher tolerance for ugly but placed a higher priority on body type. what good is handsome if his body is jacked up?

MissMoni

May 16th, 2013
10:01 am

-Hi Leggs! Funny you mentioned Biggie Smalls as a point of reference. I too think of him in that respect as well as the Rick Ross. Neither are my cup of tea, but some women go plum crazy. I just keep saying, it must be the money!!! LOL, at will turn into a cat lady!

Single and Happy

May 16th, 2013
10:05 am

Bluz, leggs I’ve worked for plenty of people I couldn’t stand, and they knew it. (LOL) but my bottom line was how does it affect my paycheck (LOL) I tell my bosses and co-workers I’m not here to make friends, but here to make money cause at the end of the day that’s all that matters.

Bluzgirl

May 16th, 2013
10:06 am

Thanks Leggs! After 15 years at a credit union, it’s time for me to make a career change to start doing something that I want to do! Thinking about breaking into event planning…

Hey disco!!!

disco

May 16th, 2013
10:07 am

S/H – that may very well be true but when you start wondering if this is the day you are going to get arrested at work it might be time to start looking for another job. lol.  

MissMoni

May 16th, 2013
10:07 am

-Disco You make a great point! Recently, a young lady I know got engaged. Her fiance has a handsome face, but he is overweight. I wonder if people take into consideration a person’s health when they consider marriage. . .

-Kimmie I’ve had that happen to me alot!!! People will say: “When I first saw you I thought you were stuck up, I’m glad I got to know you.” So, for whatever reason, some people do judge your personality based on looks.

Button

May 16th, 2013
10:08 am

Do you believe that a person’s personality can make them more physically attractive over time? Yes, although the physical can be flawed, challenged or undernatured a sweet personality can outshine the outside appearance.

We are visual creatures, we’re so vain. Vanity of vanities. What I find interesting is when I see a phine guy and as soon as he opens his mouth to speak I get a quick turn off because his personality is a complete opposit of his phine body.

Good morning lovlies :)

MissMoni

May 16th, 2013
10:08 am

-Bluzgirl Event planning is a GREAT business or so I’ve heard. I saw pursue what interests you and what you love to do. If that’s it then go for it!!! :-)

abc

May 16th, 2013
10:12 am

I never have been overly influenced by a chick’s looks. To me, it’s all pretty relative, and most women look just fine; even super models just look kind of normal to me (usually — some of them look like freaks, or maybe they just need a sandwich). Personality, then, is ALL that counts — ‘course, I’m not talking about the trolls and ogres, fatsos and so on. Some folks just have such an appearance deficit that they’re unlikely to ever gain anyone’s attention. But, mostly, chicks just all look pretty normal to me.

That said, a stank personality makes an excellent contraceptive.

Hazel

May 16th, 2013
10:15 am

Kimmi & MissMoni – I hate it what that happens. “I though u would be stuck up.” Guess if someone judges you before they got to know you then you don’t want them as a friend anyways. I used to let it bother me, with time I care less and less.

Single and Happy

May 16th, 2013
10:15 am

MissMoni, looking healthy doesn’t always equal being healthy, it’s all a risk in life.

Plus he’s just big boned (lmao)

kimmie

May 16th, 2013
10:17 am

Bluz – I’m with Moni, go for it! I know how you feel though, it’s bad when you dread coming to work.

Moni – I see that all the time. One is regular weight, the other is obese. It goes either way, but I see more cases where the dude is the big one. I don’t know about health considerations, but it seems women are more willing to deal with physical flaws if other things are in order, such as his money, power and prestige, etc. Case in point, Biggie. Or some are just chubby -chasers! They go for the “teddy bear” type! To each his/her own!

Hazel

May 16th, 2013
10:18 am

Kimmie your 9:58 one is also true. My sis-in-law is one not soo good looking lady, but she also has the worst attitude problems that I have seen a grown woman have.

MsAtl

May 16th, 2013
10:23 am

Morning All!

Lee- I agree with your first paragraph.
As for me, personality is more important. I don’t know that the person becomes “more attractive” but rather you get used to them. A great personality can overcome a lot.

Hazel- I hear that also, but with me it is just because of my profession. People expect me to be stuck up and end up saying that I am down to earth.

Button

May 16th, 2013
10:26 am

Kimmi -@9.58 – I had a gf who would only date unattractive men. her reason being is they will treat her better and they will appreicate a trophy on their arm blah blah blah. lol She liked it to beauty and the beast. ugh. I myself never saw her as attractive or pretty, just below average. You couldn’t tell her that she wasn’t a boomshell. Her attitude stanked too. I always wondered whether she married her beast.

Bluzgirl

May 16th, 2013
10:28 am

Thanks kimmie and MissMoni! I’ve been working on my resume this week. This woman has been my boss for several years, but she’s never liked me and makes it impossible for me to advance. A few weeks ago, she verbally attacked me and the company did nothing about it. I’m tired of being stuck! I have experience doing event planning with the non-profit I work with, so I’m hoping it won’t be too hard to break in.

kimmie

May 16th, 2013
10:28 am

I always wondered whether she married her beast.

Button – LOL!!!!

Button

May 16th, 2013
10:28 am

setting up a blind date the guy/woman will always ask how the perosn looks.
If you say they have a sweet personality blah blah blah the reply will almost always be “aw man she/he is ugly” and no thanks.
LOL

MissMoni

May 16th, 2013
10:29 am

-Single and Happy I see what you’re saying but at least they are not obese. There are so many health problems that come along with being overweight. Not saying that all small people are healthy but they are off to a good start because they don’t have to fight the fight of losing life-threatening weight.

-Kimmie I just can’t do the “Teddy Bear” type. . . I fear that I’d get smushed or physically hurt.

MissMoni

May 16th, 2013
10:30 am

-Button So you’re saying it was a tale of “She THINKS she’s a Beauty & the Beast”, LOL!!!

Button

May 16th, 2013
10:32 am

MissMoni – I fear that I’d get smushed – there’s a remedy for that :) ride em cowboy

kimmie

May 16th, 2013
10:33 am

Moni – I’ve “heard” when that stomach gets bigger, other “stuff” shrinks! :shock:

A good friend of mine has dated 2 really obese guys and told me this. She said she just can’t do it anymore.

Button

May 16th, 2013
10:34 am

MissMoni – exactly!! LOL

MissMoni

May 16th, 2013
10:34 am

-Button LOL!!! I hear you, but that too can go wrong real quick. One good pull on my hair and he snaps my neck, talking about I didn’t know my own strength, LMBO!!!

Button

May 16th, 2013
10:35 am

Anyboyd seen the latest pic of Mon’Nique? she’s lost a ton of weight. I wonder if she still think skinny women are evil

MissMoni

May 16th, 2013
10:35 am

-Kimmie I can honestly say that I’ve never dated an obese guy. That just has never been on my Things to Do list.

Button

May 16th, 2013
10:41 am

I’ve never dated an obese guy either.