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Dating: Sexpectations

It’s truly a sad day when a woman is surprised that a man doesn’t make a move on her on  the first date.  Alas, many women think something is wrong when they meet men who aren’t expecting sex from them immediately.  Of course, men won’t go around advertising their willingness to wait for sex.  Why would they?  That doesn’t mean something is off or suspect when a guy can wait too.

I actually had to convince a friend of mine to give her new guy some time before you threw a red flag on him.  He wants to get to know you before you become physical.  This is what a lot of men do!

When I asked my friend when she thought he would expect sex from her, she said the same day he met her.  She was serious.  Just because someone is attracted to you, doesn’t mean they want to hop in the bed with you.  Maybe I am being naive.

When  it comes to expectations, do you think we read each other wrong sometimes?

Ladies, do you actually think most men want to bed you on the first date? When do men usually bring up sex as a topic of conversation in dating?

Guys, are you usually the one to mention sex first?  Do you ever worry that bringing it up will backfire on you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

201 comments Add your comment

Lee

May 14th, 2013
6:57 am

All i have to say is “WoW”.

Celisea

May 14th, 2013
7:15 am

Ammmmmmazing. A sad day in the dating world when folks don’t get it. What can be said??? SMDernH

MissMoni

May 14th, 2013
7:26 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

“Just because someone is attracted to you, doesn’t mean they want to hop in the bed with you.”

Wise Diva you said it best and no you’re not naive. People are entitled to think what they want & also to expect what they want on any date that they want. It’s up to the individual to make clear what they are and are not willing to do when the topic comes up.

Single and Happy

May 14th, 2013
7:28 am

Hey all

Wow also

Do you ever worry that bringing it up will backfire on you? How can this backfire, it’s either yes or no!!

SlimNu

May 14th, 2013
8:00 am

This ought to make for an interesting blog day. I don’t think it’s gone unsaid that men are physical beings. They either like or do not like what they see, and I can only assume that INITIALLY, when a guy meets you, he may take a few seconds to size you up into f-ykable or nonf-yable. He may give you the once over like dayum that gap makes me wanna see how my weenie will fill that spot in, Or dang did you see the badonkadonk on that chick, mmmmmm huh those tatas are sitting up mightly nicely. I shole want to know how nicely they will fit in my mouth etc…..those very well maybe the man’s initial personal thoughts that get’s him to wanting to take you out. However, I do not necessarily believe that is the ONLY thing that he could be interested in. I’ve heard it said many times before, that men like challenges. He may want to see what’s behind that nice frame of yours. If the bells, whistles, gears or whatever else are in working order..aka, how crazy or what your issues are and if he even wants to involve himself in dealing with what may happen if he were to throw that D on ya. Plus if you’re just trying to give it away, he may not want it. Everything that’s ‘free’ or easy in life isn’t always what’s good. lol I would not rush to the decision that I need to throw a red flag on the play if a guy doesn’t try to bed me the first time he meets me. I’d actually take it as a turn off if he did. I don’t want to feel like a limping gazelle in a field being targeted for a take down. lol

SlimNu

May 14th, 2013
8:01 am

I’ll go ahead and start writing up my ticket for failure to post a short comment. lol I hardly slept last night and I made it to work too dayum early. Feels like it’s going to be a loooooong day. *sigh*

Single and Happy

May 14th, 2013
8:03 am

Slim you better watch out, you know since you’re not a guy you couldn’t possibly know a guys point of view (LMAO)

SlimNu

May 14th, 2013
8:15 am

Single – I was a guy in my former life (Said in the voice of the crazy chick on Coming to America) :-D

Hazel

May 14th, 2013
8:27 am

I always felt that it was necessary for me to “announce” my beliefs on sex when I was on my 2nd date with a person. I always thought that men expected it and I wanted to make myself clear without even actually knowing how they felt. As I thought that it would save time for them and me. However, I was wrong and not all men seek physical activities right away

MissMoni

May 14th, 2013
8:29 am

-SlimNu I’m LOL at your 8:15, I LOVE that movie!!! :-D

SlimNu

May 14th, 2013
8:46 am

I don’t feel any reason to get into some “sex conversation” too early on in a courtship. I know folks say they know right off the bat whether or not they want to sleep with someone. I suppose I’m a bit different because I don’t really know that until after I’ve spent some time with them and interacted with them.

MissMoni – :lol:

Single and Happy

May 14th, 2013
8:54 am

I always felt that it was necessary for me to “announce” my beliefs on sex when I was on my 2nd date with a person. I always thought that men expected it and I wanted to make myself clear without even actually knowing how they felt. As I thought that it would save time for them and me. However, I was wrong and not all men seek physical activities right away run away, run away (LOL)

Slim I’m the same way, when I see a nice looking woman, Damn she’s fine is usually followed by I sure would like to get to know her :-)

Hazel

May 14th, 2013
9:00 am

lol.. exactly. Run away so we don’t waste our time. In my case, most of the time, guys did want to stick around. Go figure

SlimNu

May 14th, 2013
9:09 am

Hazel – And what are your beliefs on the subject, if I may?

Single and Happy

May 14th, 2013
9:13 am

Hazel I would run away because your putting your past experience or beliefs on me without getting to know me. Not because of your views about sex :-)

Hazel

May 14th, 2013
9:14 am

waiting my friend waiting. Im Indian so we are taught to wait until marriage. Now I wasn’t timing anything but wanted the person to know that intimacy will not be in the picture anytime soon..aka..next week..next month.. u get the point. I went on a date with some ex-nfl guy and he told me that he cannot “wait” and we didnt’ see each other after that.. an example of how I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time

SlimNu

May 14th, 2013
9:15 am

Hazel – How old are you and are you married or ever been married?

Hazel

May 14th, 2013
9:19 am

lol. yes. I met my husband when he was in his residency in Atlanta. He actually was all over my beliefs. Won the lottery, we both did.

SlimNu

May 14th, 2013
9:20 am

Hazel – How long did you two date before you got married?

Leggs

May 14th, 2013
9:21 am

“…many women think something is wrong when they meet men who aren’t expecting sex from them immediately.” – I welcome it. Look at me as a woman, a person, not a depository because on the first date or second date and you’re already wanting, expecting sex that’s how I feel you think of me. Not a good look.

It’s sad that women actually feel bad if their date isn’t hitting on them the first time out. PITIFUL!

Good morning.

MissMoni

May 14th, 2013
9:22 am

Awww, that’s sweet Hazel. After getting my life back in tune with my beliefs, I too am waiting until marriage and I’m African-American! :-D

Big Al

May 14th, 2013
9:25 am

Speaking of sex, I went to the doctor yesterday hoping he could help me with a weight reduction program. He told me that I could burn more calories with sex than I could if I ran 5 miles. I told him that has to be total BS because nobody can run 5 miles in 3 minutes.

Hazel

May 14th, 2013
9:27 am

thank u MissMoni – I respect him and love him more as he respected how I felt. It will happen.
@ SlimNu- we dated for about 3 years. Im in my late 20’s.

disco

May 14th, 2013
9:28 am

good morning folks. when do men want to have sex? as soon as they can. lol. will they wait? sure. of course, some will wait longer than others and some are likely already screwing someone else in the meantime but that’s neither here nor there. lol.

on the flip side. when do women want to have sex? as soon as they can without feeling like they did it too soon. as soon as they can without having to feel guilty or ashamed about it. as soon as they can as long as they don’t end up regretting it. as soon as they can if they think old boy will keep his mouth shut and not put her business in the street. lol.

disco

May 14th, 2013
9:33 am

s/h – re would like to get to know her. thing is do you mean know her or do you mean “know her know her”. lol.

SlimNu

May 14th, 2013
9:34 am

Big Al :lol: goood one

on the first date or second date and you’re already wanting, expecting sex that’s how I feel you think of me.

Leggs – Definitely don’t just want to be looked at as somewhere to play with your penis for a while. Makes me feel dirty :???:

MissMoni – How hard has that been and how long ago did you decide that? (if you care to share ;-) )

SlimNu

May 14th, 2013
9:37 am

disco – Thanks for setting us all skrait :lol:

MissMoni

May 14th, 2013
9:37 am

-SlimNu To be honest, the first 3 months are the hardest. I’m over the 1 year mark now. Previously, I went 3 years!!! ;-)

SlimNu

May 14th, 2013
9:43 am

MissMoni – I had done it before in the past and I have thinking of doing it again. I’ll have to start at day 1 today because myself got the best of myself last night :oops: KIDDING :lol:

disco

May 14th, 2013
9:44 am

slim – naw. not my place to set folks straight. just putting another spin on it. for those that choose celibacy or waiting however long I say more power to you. personally I’ve had my bouts with forced celibacy (those dreaded dry spells) but I’ve never just out and out chose to forgo sex. lol. also, I do believe that women size men up from the gate the same way men do. only difference is usually men decide I want to bone her and if he can, he does. women decide I wouldn’t mind giving him some but then he has to meet some other criteria first. therein lies the problem. they don’t always meet the criteria. lol.

Single and Happy

May 14th, 2013
9:45 am

Disco, get to know her, I don’t have time for crazy chicks!! (LOL)

Single and Happy

May 14th, 2013
9:49 am

slim does that count (LOL)

MsAtl

May 14th, 2013
9:50 am

Morning All!

I would be offended if a man came at me for sex right out the gate. Not gonna happen! I would expect us to get to know each other and nothing is jumping off without some testing. You can be attracted and you can want to have sex with someone but that doesn’t mean it has to happen right away.

Exiled

May 14th, 2013
9:51 am

Well said Disco……!!!!

I did not read all else,… too busy..gotta prioritise! LOL

Good morning Luvers and haters…!!

Yea, Im tall..and different! LOL

MissMoni

May 14th, 2013
9:53 am

-SlimNu Yeah, I chose to leave myself alone too, LOL!!!

DreamsMaterialize

May 14th, 2013
10:01 am

Morning
Why all the emphasis on sex. It seems forced. My goal is to meet up, enjoy her company, have a good time doing things we both like, just getting to know each other, vibing. The sex comes when it comes, whether on date 1 or 10. For dudes who do put all that emphasis on it, they’d probably be more successful if they didn’t make it a priority, or at least pretended it wasn’t one. lol

SlimNu

May 14th, 2013
10:05 am

MissMoni – Um….I might have to draw the line there. lolol I’on know bout all dat. That would take some serious consideration and tying myself up like Mommy dearest did her son at night time. :lol:

disco

May 14th, 2013
10:07 am

dreams – not attacking your post at all but I find it comical how men give their I’m so mature about sex speech and yet and still some grown azz 40+, 50+ men revert to teenage boys when it comes down to it. I’ve seen/heard grown men beg for it. I’ve watched grown men have temper tantrums. I’ve watched them stomp off like someone stole their bike behind not getting some. all these same men will say “I just like spending time with you. it’s not about sex”. mmm hmmmm is all I can say to that.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

May 14th, 2013
10:08 am

Morning ladies…..

I am always tickled when I here women talk about how and what men think…… Now don’t get me wrong, some of what has been said is real, but while I do admire a sexy gap (morning Slim :) ) We go thru the same admiration process as women…..

Exiled

May 14th, 2013
10:10 am

‘Nothing is jumping off without some testing’

Yes Yes Yes Yes !!! :lol: @ MsAtl

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

May 14th, 2013
10:13 am

I never understood why a person would deny themselves the pleasure of coitus…. I completely understand that there is no physical need, but the want is soooooooooooooo intense!!! :) :) :)

SlimNu

May 14th, 2013
10:15 am

I’ve watched grown men have temper tantrums. I’ve watched them stomp off like someone stole their bike behind not getting some

disco – OMG, this is so true….I had an experience where buddy got his boxer briefs all in a bunch because this chick right here was not going to give up any goodies. He had tried to play down the whole sex thing. But low and behold I guess he started flipping out like the folks on the darn Gotta Have my Pops cereal commercials from back in the day. I was like REALLY? So I got the heyal on…I got a call some time later with an apology but it was like, man, you were just looking and smelling too good. I didn’t mean to act like that. yeah whatever buddy!

DreamsMaterialize

May 14th, 2013
10:15 am

“I just like spending time with you. it’s not about sex”. mmm hmmmm is all I can say to that.
disco I didn’t say, “it’s not about sex.” I just said it’s not THE priority. Shoot I like sex just like everyone else. lol I know there are dudes out there that do exactly what you say. I’m not trying to get some a$$ at any cost though. And you KNOW women are the worst when they want some and can’t get it. You’ll be gay and everything else in the book. lol That’s why Wise Diva’s friend is ready to throw the “red flag” on ol’ boy. SHE wanted some on the first date and didn’t get none. You know it’s true. lol

disco

May 14th, 2013
10:20 am

dreams – I don’t know it’s true but I admit it’s a possibility. sounds more to me, though, that diva’s friend is one of those chicks that swears everybody wants her and when he doesn’t (or acts like he doesn’t) she doesn’t know what to do. as far as getting some on a first date, I’m that chick that will tell a woman she’s grown and to go for hers. later for what other folks might say or think about it especially since other folks won’t know unless you tell them. I have a friend who is known to say “ain’t nobody walking this cat but me”. life is too short and you never know which piece might be your last piece.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

May 14th, 2013
10:23 am

“ain’t nobody walking this cat but me”

Heeeerrrrreeeee Kitty Kitty Kittty……….

disco

May 14th, 2013
10:24 am

court – don’t call that cat. the chick who said that killed her boyfriend. she was acquitted but still, how would you like to have that conversation on a date?

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

May 14th, 2013
10:31 am

oh damn…….. But on the other hand, I always heard crazy chicks are awesome in the sack…… LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Durty Burd (Wants it right now)

May 14th, 2013
10:33 am

Good Morning Folks!

I have no expectations on a first date, but to have fun and enjoy your company. Hopefully get to know your interests, likes and dislikes. Now, I have had sexual conversations on the first date because that is a topic of discussion just like any other topic. We grown and we need to discuss some nuances regarding that subject, that being said does not mean it’s time to go to bed.

Everyone needs to relax and not make it so serious about the sexual discussion on a first date, unless you are doing a blind date and has not gotten the opportunity to talk to your date, then bringing up the subject should not be and issue.

For the Ladies who are celibate do you count a one time sexual encounter if you let an ex hit it or do you dismiss it likeit never happen like a lot of women do when you ask them about their how many sexual partners have they had? lol

Durty Burd (Wants it right now)

May 14th, 2013
10:35 am

Those crazy chicks do bring it in the sack…Ain’t that right Disco? :)

Celisea

May 14th, 2013
10:37 am

Awww, ain’t it nice how no one seemingly wants sex on the first date or even feel some kind of way if “waiting” jumps up in the mix. That’s so nice. :)

Keep crazy on ice….ALWAYS