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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Relationships: Don’t go changing!

Yes, I referenced a Billy Joel song.   It’s a classic.  It also highlights what a lot of men think about the women they pick.  Whatever quirky, wonderful quality a man falls for in a woman, he doesn’t want to see it go away.  A lot of men prefer that  the woman they meet is the truest representation of her.  If or when she flips the script, things get complicated.  Men don’t like complicated.

I know a friend who has a real fear of marrying one person and then she changes into someone he “used to know.”  I don’t think any woman can  guarantee that she won’t grow or change, though.  Do you think that change and growth can be viewed as a threat to a long- lasting relationship?

Have you ever dated someone who changed a lot over the course of your relationship?  Did the change bring you closer together or was it a challenge?

How much change are you willing to handle in a relationship?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

258 comments Add your comment

Lee

May 13th, 2013
7:20 am

People are going to change though out their lives. In life your wants and needs change as you get older. Sometimes it is a good thing and sometimes not.
Its when a person Male/female lies who they are and once you are married the true person comes out — that leaves people wondering ( or at least me) Who are you? What happened to your other self? I guess that show “who the beep did i marry has so many episodes .. getting married is like any thing else in life : you take chances some luck out some don’t.

MissMoni

May 13th, 2013
7:39 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA!!! :-)

“People are going to change throughout their lives.”

YES, they are! Some people change for the better, while others change for the worse. I am all for someone changing for the better. I encourage people to be the very BEST that they can be. I too want honesty from the beginning. However, the truth is that there are some things that you won’t find out until further down the line, for example real crazy family members, LOL!

Big Al

May 13th, 2013
8:10 am

There is an old saying that a man marries a woman hoping that she will never change, and a woman marries a man hoping that he will change. Yes, people change. We have to change because the world around us is constantly changing. We are always learning more. But that doesn’t mean we have to change our core values.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

May 13th, 2013
8:30 am

Good morning all….. I like to say I evolve as appose to change… I grow and expand based on new thoughts and ideas, In fact I would be more bothered by the person that DID NOT change than I am by the person that does…… 3 Days from vacation!!!! #Fiji here I come!!

Single & Happy

May 13th, 2013
8:35 am

Hey All

Now you have to define what you mean by change? In reality, most people attitudes and beliefs don’t change. Growing and becoming more responsible isn’t changing. That’s just the natural course of things. If you were a freak when I meet you, don’t change that once we get married and have children (even though that’s not happening) we may have to tone it down a little but not change completely! If we used to go out and travel, don’t start say we can’t do this now because of other things. While we may not go out every weekend or vacation every 3 or 4 months, doesn’t mean we never do this things anymore!

In my lifetime have I grown – yes

Have I changed much, no! I’m still the same go getter, will always find a way to make it happen, no excuse type of person I always was.

Have my views on relationships and how I treat my lady changed NO Always have treated them with love kindness and respect!

Single & Happy

May 13th, 2013
8:37 am

Court – Fiji, must be nice, one of my future dive trips :-)

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

May 13th, 2013
8:44 am

Yeah, S/H…been planning this one for months and dreaming about it for YEARS!!!!

Exiled

May 13th, 2013
8:52 am

Morning MIA!

How man and woman getting Comfortable:they marry,the wife birfs a boatload and grows a kangaroo belly looking like two pouches and her arms and legs make her look like a summo wrestler, the husband sits at home after work,dranks and develops a Big beer gut!

Change.

Have a nice day MIA! :lol:

disco

May 13th, 2013
9:00 am

good morning everyone.

court – I was all prepped to say where you going when I saw “Fiji here I come”. go head with your bad self.

re change – I think of the ford escape commercial where the valet is talking about how his peeps done changed. got all brand new and whatnot. lol.

MissMoni

May 13th, 2013
9:11 am

-Court Sounds like a super FUN trip. I’m sure you will ENJOY yourself!!! :-D

-Disco That is a good commercial for this topic, LOL!

Single & Happy

May 13th, 2013
9:17 am

Court have fun, I know you will (LOL)

disco

May 13th, 2013
9:18 am

ummm – court – which airport are you flying out of? can you change your first/business class seat for two coaches? how can I be down? lol.

SlimNu

May 13th, 2013
9:27 am

Morning and Happy Belated Mother’s Day to all that it applies to ;-)

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

May 13th, 2013
9:29 am

lol…disco, leaving out of San Francisco…..Layover in New Zealand…. You game???? :)

disco

May 13th, 2013
9:36 am

court – in my mind I’m game but since I don’t have any cousins in Fiji (in case I neeed to put out a distress signal) I suppose I better pass. it does sound good though.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

May 13th, 2013
9:39 am

smh….damn disco…three women get tied up in the basement for ten years, now the game salted up for everybody…. lolololol

MissMoni

May 13th, 2013
9:48 am

-SlimNu Thank you for the Mother’s Day wishes. :-)

abc

May 13th, 2013
9:49 am

Of course, most people change over time. Ex became so consumed with her career that we grew apart; at the time I was doing 100 hour weeks too though. Essentially, though, I think people’s character and personality do not change that much. Some say that’s fully formed by age 5. I can buy in that I’m essentially the same as I was when I was 16 or 17 in that regard.

DreamsMaterialize

May 13th, 2013
9:52 am

Morning
The only constant in life is change. Everyone changes in some respect, whether it be normal growth or a shift in perspective, beliefs, or behavior. No matter the type of change, everyone is allowed (even expected) to make whatever changes they feel are necessary to get them to the desired destination in life. Sometimes even the destination changes. If we’re in a relationship, then we need to be having conversations about our goals and future together. At some point, if we’re diverging too much, then it needs to be addressed.

disco

May 13th, 2013
9:53 am

court – just yesterday a friend was telling me she was walking and a dude in a pickup was trying to holler and offer her a ride. she said she told him she only had a little ways to go and he drove off, made the block, and came back. I joked with her that getting in cars with strangers is how chicks wound up chained in basements.

abc – I agree that my core personality is the same as it was when I was a child. I’m fairly certain that it’ll be that way until I take my last breath.

SlimNu

May 13th, 2013
10:16 am

MissMoni – No probs ;-)

disco

May 13th, 2013
10:18 am

slim – where is everybody? if it’s just us we can spend the rest of the day talking about them. lol.

abc

May 13th, 2013
10:19 am

Regarding destinations: whether one takes a metaphysical, Zen or strictly Christian perspective, and considering that the constraint of linear time is a dimension that can be eventually removed: we’re already there. We’re just waiting for the time to arrive that allows us to recognize where we are.

DreamsMaterialize

May 13th, 2013
10:20 am

Anyone seen this new Lamborghini Egoista? This joint is SWEET!

http://autos.yahoo.com/photos/lamborghini-egoista-slideshow/

disco

May 13th, 2013
10:23 am

dreams – I’m not into cars. my brother was going on and on about his goal of getting a gangloff concept car (I think). I wasn’t even sure what it was. had to google it. told him that it sure was ugly. he told me that I simply didn’t know what I was talking about.

SlimNu

May 13th, 2013
10:24 am

disco – If they aren’t here, i’d say that’s perfectly fine. Would you like to lead this discussion? :lol:

disco

May 13th, 2013
10:27 am

slim – lol. maybe later. abc and dreams are listening and little pitchers have big ears. lol.

DreamsMaterialize

May 13th, 2013
10:28 am

disco
The Gangloff is sweet, but I’d go with that Lambo all day if given the choice. Did you look at it?

SlimNu

May 13th, 2013
10:29 am

I’m not really into cars but I have always wanted to drive a stick shift in a car that has a super powerful engine. To feel the hum beneath your butt and the power in your hands. (of course, the speed too)

disco

May 13th, 2013
10:32 am

dreams – no. I didn’t look at it. again, cars just don’t turn me on especially teeny, tiny, low to the ground cars built for two that cost way too much money. lol.

SlimNu

May 13th, 2013
10:32 am

Did yall hear about the shooting at the New Orleans Mother’s day parade? WTF is wrong with people????

Celisea

May 13th, 2013
10:41 am

Wasn’t HST, the blog “Thurston Powell, III” the dude that came on pretending and mentioning cars and all his money and perpetrating being some big shot??? hahahaha

On topic: I agree that pretty much your character is formed early on. I always hear the older folks say to parents, cultivate your kids early (i.e. chastise) during the young years, to steer that character in the right direction. I believe people grow and adapt and ajust, but changing from who they are, not so much. Don’t get me wrong, folks that “change for the better” is real. Folks that learn to make adjustments is real but IMO, none of that is changing who they are.

The only thing constant is change. Change in times and seasons, change in fashion (or recycled) and styles, change in our outer phyiscal appearances, stuff like make overs, hair dos, etc. Changes in the economy, etc…….but IMO not so much people.

I had a lovely lovely lovely Mother’s Day, that started a couple of days early :mrgreen: I didn’t coming down until yesterday. Back to reality :)

Mmeello – I read the blog’s comments Saturday and ca-racked up at the “getting dropped by the marriage wagon.” That was fuuuunnneeeee….lolololol

DreamsMaterialize

May 13th, 2013
10:43 am

cars just don’t turn me on especially teeny, tiny, low to the ground cars built for two that cost way too much money. lol.
disco Actually, that Lambo is built just for one. The designer said that’s why he named it the Egoista (means selfish), because it’s supposed to be ALL about you when you’re driving it. lol

Celisea

May 13th, 2013
10:43 am

Howell, not Powell

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

May 13th, 2013
10:43 am

The Lambo would look great sitting in my driveway, But where the hell could you drive it and the only way disco could ride is if she sat on my lap…….. :) :)

MsAtl

May 13th, 2013
10:44 am

Morning All!

Do you think that change and growth can be viewed as a threat to a long- lasting relationship? Growth and change are two different things. “Change” can be your true self coming out after your representative has succeeded in getting who/what you wanted. Growth is you maturing/becoming better, etc. I would want my partner to grow as we move on in years. I would not want my partner to change a whole lot because that would evidence that it was an act and he was that “new” person all along. I just don’t think that outside of growth, people change that significantly. Your core belief system and values should remain static.

BTW- I made the Flaming Bob Marley this weekend. It took a few tries (fine!- several!) to get the layers to stay separate because they tended to blend. The yellow layer was the hardest, but I did not give up. By the time I got it exact, we had experimented with at least 3 each! I think I have hair on my chest this morning…

Celisea

May 13th, 2013
10:44 am

Where is Thurston Howell, III anyway? Still under with his love back from Russia??? hahahaha Or watching all his money?

Alright, this is my biggest free spot today. I have 5 meetings and a small window a bit later today….

I’ll peek in on you kiddies later :)

disco

May 13th, 2013
10:47 am

C – who the heck is blogging on Saturday? lol.

dreams – built for one???? ahh heck. cheap chick like me might as well get a smart car. speaking of smart cars. I went shopping the other day and was finishing up a call before going in the store. there’s a smart car parked in front of me. a lady comes out of the store (big girl I might add) and goes to put something in the trunk/hatch of the smart car. boy oh boy, I was like I’m about to see something watching this woman fold up into this car. I swear she and the car were real close to being the same size.

dreams – I get the idea of built for one but don’t you lose some of the joy of taking some special someone for a spin? seems like for a lot of people that’s a key part of getting a new ride.

Celisea

May 13th, 2013
10:49 am

disco – I didn’t say I blogged and I KNEW someone was gonna say that. I said I peeked in and read the comments. Boo, I don’t blog on the weekends…lol Matter of fact, since you insist, I was with my boo, in the car riding and looked from my phone….. Is that okay with you.

That makes me suspect that you jumped on that so quick. Plenty of folks here (well not now, cause we only have shenanigans mostly…from real to fake folks, to taking shots, etc etc etc) have commented on Monday when they had a chance to catch up.

Celisea

May 13th, 2013
10:50 am

Oh, to the doctors and the lawyers….etc etc etc…lolololol

Celisea

May 13th, 2013
10:52 am

disco – I’ve gotten text messages ON THE WEEKEND FROM FOLKS, cause they went in to read on a Friday…

Yeah, you struck a nerve this morning….

Folks always waiting to pounce….

Celisea

May 13th, 2013
10:52 am

They went in to read on the weekends, not Friday….

Dern folks always looking for openings

DreamsMaterialize

May 13th, 2013
10:56 am

dreams – I get the idea of built for one but don’t you lose some of the joy of taking some special someone for a spin? seems like for a lot of people that’s a key part of getting a new ride.
disco Yeah I guess it depends on the person. There are some things a person just likes to experience alone. Of course, a person who can afford that Lambo can probably also afford a car for every mood that suits them, whether rolling solo, for two, or the whole damn crew. lol

Celisea

May 13th, 2013
10:58 am

Well, I’m off to my first meetings in 3 minutes…guess you’ll have to fly solo now, huh?

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Toodles!!

disco

May 13th, 2013
11:03 am

C – read the comments on Saturday read like read Saturday’s comments. Guess it makes sense that you read Friday’s comments on Saturday. O-kay. It’s not that real. Hope you and yo man had a good time.

disco

May 13th, 2013
11:10 am

C – contrary to what you might believe not everyone on the blog is out to get you. Some? Maybe. Me? Naw.

Into the Light

May 13th, 2013
11:11 am

Morning, all!

Dayum, Court…..Fiji????? Jealous over here. :evil:

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

May 13th, 2013
11:16 am

ITL….Fiji is one of my bucket list places…Next year I am shooting for Greece, then South Africa…..

SlimNu

May 13th, 2013
11:19 am

Um… cough…cough, what had just happened? I blinked and sh!t starts popping offf???? Well I’ll be dayum.

disco

May 13th, 2013
11:21 am

slim – not really. we’ll just call it a little misunderstanding. C said she was reading the blog on Saturday which prompted me to ask who was blogging on a Saturday. she took it to mean I was coming at her and I had to explain that I wasn’t. no drama.