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Avoid alcohol on dates?

I told my friend Ray that if he wants to have a second date with someone, he needs to make sure the first date is “dry.”  This is because when Ray drinks, Ray is a jerk.  Not just annoying kind of jerk, but a really obnoxious and inappropriate kind of jerk.   While I don’t think he has a drinking problem, I am concerned that his best self does not get to shine through when he drinks.

Some of us just tolerate our alcohol better than others.  I generally don’t go beyond a glass of wine or one cocktail on dates.  I feel that I like to stay clear headed and focused on seeing if there is chemistry there.  I don’t want to have “liquid courage” to enjoy a date.  What do you think?

Should you drink on the first couple of dates?  Do you think you need alcohol to make you feel at ease?

What is your general rule for alcohol and dating? To mix or not to mix?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

197 comments Add your comment

Lee

May 10th, 2013
7:25 am

What is your general rule for alcohol and dating? To mix or not to mix? Not to mix. I don’t want to be with a drunk.

Exiled

May 10th, 2013
7:27 am

I think it’s better to stay dry(ughh he he) on a first date and just put ur best foot forward. But have a drank on a second date,if it takes place and if a drank leads to other thangs,let it go down then!
U can’t hide ur personality forever. If ure a drank drank person or dranking and fun goes together with u…so be it.

Be in your element.

TGIMF…..what a stressful on this one was.

Exiled

May 10th, 2013
7:35 am

But if she drinks beer,this is gon be Our Only date we gon have together unless she agrees to gimme sum then ,I will proly Elevate her to ‘Team Casual’,then we roll in the hay errnow and then! :lol: :lol:

good morning!

MissMoni

May 10th, 2013
7:45 am

GOOD Friday Morning MIA!!! :-D

-LOL at Ex letting her go if she drinks beer. Ex is there a hidden meaning for a woman who does this?

A mature adult should know how they tolerate their alcohol. If you know you can’t have more than 1 drink without getting touchy-feely or obnoxious then just leave it alone altogether. I like to get to know the true person and we all know the saying that alcohol is a “Truth Serum”. So, drinking is not mandatory in my book, but if my date and I decide to do so, I would want him to handle himself accordingly. If he’s unable to do so, then yeah I’m out. I’m not subjecting myself to dealing with an out of control drunk on another date, DEUCES!!!

Hazel

May 10th, 2013
8:23 am

drinking makes it more fun. You get relaxed, comfortable and can be YOU. Nothing wrong with having a beer or wine or martini on a first date. If someone judges you on what you drink..oh well. next

Big Al

May 10th, 2013
8:26 am

Drinking and dating is almost as bad a drinking and driving.

LeeH1

May 10th, 2013
8:31 am

Someone who is obnoxious and insulting after one drink is not a drunk, but someone who uses alcohol as an excuse to be a jerk. The sooner any possible mate finds this out, the better, so the jerk can be dropped like a hot potato.

SlimNu

May 10th, 2013
8:39 am

I don’t see anything wrong with having a drink, glass of wine or what have you on a date. However, everyone is different and responds to alcohol in various ways. So you’ll need to do what is best for you. Me having one drink is not going to make me veer from making sound judgements. Now if I have a few, then I’m sure things will change. I’m not a mean drunk but more of a happy drunk. I’ll want to dance, laugh just have an all out good time. I definitely wouldn’t want to put out vibes that i’m just some club/bar chick.

MsAtl

May 10th, 2013
8:44 am

Morning All!

I don’t have any rules against having a drink on a date. If I do drink, I may have a glass of wine. I do not get drunk and prefer to remain coherent at all times. Ray would not have a second date with me and he may not get through the first date if he becomes rude and obnoxious during the date. That is unacceptable and would not be tolerated.

CoolShadow

May 10th, 2013
8:44 am

A drink or two is all good just as long as all parties can do it responsibly. Getting smashed on the first date isn’t a good look. Wise Diva may want to reevaluate Ray’s drinking tendencies. Alcohol doesn’t usually make people obnoxious after a drink or two and generally most men need more than two drinks to get buzzed, so Ray may be obnoxious by character.

SlimNu

May 10th, 2013
8:55 am

Oh forgot my Good morning, TGIF, It’s the weeeeeeekend babayyyyyy! :-D

Anyone being obnoxious on a date should not expect to see me another time. If your ‘representative’ cannot even make it through a few hours for a first date, then yo azz must really be a hardcore azzhole. :shock:

SlimNu

May 10th, 2013
8:57 am

Oh and let me just say, i’d have a hard time dating someone that DIDN’T drink at all. I don’t need someone always giving me the side eye every time I have a taste for an adult beverage. I know a dude who enjoys a little dranky drank but his wife is super religious. If he has ONE beer she is already getting on to him about it. lol

Leggs

May 10th, 2013
9:11 am

Doesn’t matter if Ray stays dry on the first date in hopes of securing a second, because if alcohol turns him into a jerk, his jerkiness will surface quickly shutting down any hopes of longevity in a relationship.

If you can’t handle your likka, you don’t need to be drinking.

Ex ~ I remember you not liking a woman to drink beer, especially out of the bottle (lol).

Sorry, but logging in and seeing the title I immediately thought of you Bluz (lol).

Good morning, good morning!

MissMoni

May 10th, 2013
9:14 am

“If you can’t handle your likka, you don’t need to be drinking.”

-Hi Leggs, EXACTLY my point!

Bluzgirl

May 10th, 2013
9:18 am

Morning all!

Nothing wrong with a drink or two max on the first date. Now, if I’m with a man and he has 3 or more, I start to wonder…I’ve already been with two alcoholics and will stay far away from them now!!!

Ex – what’s wrong with beer? I like to drink beer. I’m one who has a hard time just having one liquor drink, to be honest. I can have a couple of beers and be totally fine. I start on liquor and it’s on!!!

disco

May 10th, 2013
9:21 am

good morning. my first thought was why it gotta be about “liquid courage”? lol. personally I don’t believe in liquid courage. I believe in folks hiding behind the liquor so they can blame it on the alcohol.

second if old boy is a jerk drunk he’s likely a jerk (perhaps to a lesser degree) sober.

kimmie

May 10th, 2013
9:22 am

Morning Gang!

Making decisions like this is part of being a responsible adult. That’s why it’s an age limit to purchase alcohol.

I went out on a first and last date with a guy that did not drink and frowned upon those who did. That’s fine if you don’t drink, but don’t try to shove your values down my throat. I don’t have a problem with alcohol in moderation and none of my immediate family have alcohol problems. So we can enjoy it responsibly when out or at celebrations. Don’t squash my fun cause you can’t handle it.

kimmie

May 10th, 2013
9:23 am

I believe in folks hiding behind the liquor so they can blame it on the alcohol.

Disco – Exactly!!

kimmie

May 10th, 2013
9:24 am

Moni/Bluz – Exiled thinks that ladies don’t drink beer. It’s a dealbreaker for him. :lol:

disco

May 10th, 2013
9:30 am

hey kimmie!!!

since we on alcohol – anyone besides me leave the question blank on the doctor’s office questionnaire about how often do you drink? lol. I always just say “occasionally” but they want you to give an actual number. I was at the dentist recently and the chick says “can we say a couple on the weekends?” I was like sure, we can say that. lol.

MissMoni

May 10th, 2013
9:33 am

-Kimmie Ahhhh, I see. I wonder if he thinks that men who drink “Girly Drinks” are not gentlemen. . .

Single & Happy

May 10th, 2013
9:33 am

Hello All

What disco said and also

I told my friend Ray that if he wants to have a second date with someone, he needs to make sure the first date is “dry.” This is because when Ray drinks, Ray is a jerk. Not just annoying kind of jerk, but a really obnoxious and inappropriate kind of jerk. While I don’t think he has a drinking problem, I am concerned that his best self does not get to shine through when he drinks.

This doesn’t make any sense, especially that his best self doesn’t shine through, if he drinks on the next few dates, isn’t that the real person, on the first date that was his representative!!

MissMoni

May 10th, 2013
9:35 am

-Heyyyy Disco! LOL, occasionally is a very good answer!!! ;-)

SlimNu

May 10th, 2013
9:35 am

<em.That’s fine if you don’t drink, but don’t try to shove your values down my throat

EXACTLY! Now excuse me while I fix me a drank! lol

kimmie

May 10th, 2013
9:40 am

Disco – I’ve never had to give an actual number! But I always say occasionally. Funny, cause maybe not at the dentist, but with other routine medical tests, if you are an alchy it easily shows in the results!

It was so fuuny. After my dad, a physician, had his stroke, he went for one of his checkups about a year after having it. The stroke affected his motor skills, but his mind was still sharp. I guess one of the young doctors was trying to see if dad still “had it” and asked him to review a patient chart, which was a bunch of test results and numbers. My dad gave him the full rundown of what was wrong with the patient based on the numbers and then finished with “when is the patient gonna stop boozin?” The young doctor was floored!LOL!!!

disco

May 10th, 2013
9:41 am

moni – I personally feel some kind of way when I see men ordering/drinking wine. it just makes them look soft. maybe if they put it in a rocks glass or something. lol.

SlimNu

May 10th, 2013
9:43 am

disco – I don’t think i’m every truthful about that number…lol I like to drink but i wouldn’t consider myself an alchy. But if one were to ‘read the numbers’ they may think otherwise :lol:

kimmie – Was your dad reading my medical chart? :oops:

SlimNu

May 10th, 2013
9:47 am

disco – I’d hate it if a dude was out with you and ordered a martini or something like. You’d probably tell the waiter to take that back and pour it in a beer mug or something. lol

Leggs

May 10th, 2013
9:49 am

Hey MissMoni!

disco ~ I’m with you. I check drink “socially.”

kimmie

May 10th, 2013
9:49 am

Slim – LOL!! Girl, what was so funny was we don’t think the doctor questioning had picked up on that little tidbit from those numbers! He tried to play it off, trying to stump my dad, but he didn’t know who he was messing with!

Not only was my dad sharp, he would give it to you straight!!

MissMoni

May 10th, 2013
9:51 am

-SlimNu/Disco I don’t have a problem with a guy drinking wine, but I agree that it does look a lil weird to see a man holding an actual wine glass.

Single & Happy

May 10th, 2013
9:52 am

Slim you don’t like guys that order fruity drinks?

kimmie

May 10th, 2013
9:53 am

Disco – My husband likes the taste of some “girly” drinks, but he admits to being self-conscious ordering them out. At least put it in a rocks glass and don’t have an umbrella on it!LOL!!!

Single & Happy

May 10th, 2013
9:56 am

Kimmie what is a girly drink?

Leggs

May 10th, 2013
9:57 am

“…it does look a lil weird to see a man holding an actual wine glass.” – I always thought it looked weird when men crossed their legs. I remember way back in the day when men wouldn’t cross their legs but would rest their foot on their knee. Times have changed and it’s now ok for them to cross, but it still looks funny to me.

SlimNu

May 10th, 2013
9:57 am

Single – Um, i’m not going to say I don’t like guys that order fruity drinks but I probably would feel weird sitting across from a dude as he tries to fish the cherry from his daiquiri lolol I’m ordering a long island and he’s having a pina colada lol I was really just messing with disco anyway. We all know you like your drinks frozen :lol:

disco

May 10th, 2013
9:57 am

s/h – I know that wasn’t directed at me but I give men a pass for fruity and/or frozen drinks only when they are drinking outside. sitting at a bar it’s a no-no. lounging poolside or something then it’s okay.

Leggs

May 10th, 2013
9:58 am

Single ~ slow gin fizz is girly (lol). Cosmopolitan, Apple Martini, Mojito. Maybe not mojito.

kimmie

May 10th, 2013
9:58 am

Single – You don’t know or are you testing me?

kimmie

May 10th, 2013
10:00 am

lounging poolside or something then it’s okay

Disco – Exactly!! Yeah, on a cruise drinking out of a pineapple by the pool, no biggie!

Single & Happy

May 10th, 2013
10:01 am

Slim, frozen and fruity, and I don’t fish for the cherry, I take it off the top (LOL) now I will tell them to put in a regular glass :-D

kimmie

May 10th, 2013
10:03 am

When we went to Fat Tuesdays in Vegas, we got frozen drinks in a GIANT mug. They did not look so girly then!LOL!!

MissMoni

May 10th, 2013
10:03 am

-Leggs Yeah, I’m not a fan of a man crossing his legs either, that is definitely not masculine to me.

-Single I’d like to add the following to Legg’s list: Blue Hawaiian, Lemondrop, Sangria & Mai Tai.

kimmie

May 10th, 2013
10:03 am

Single – So you get it!

disco

May 10th, 2013
10:04 am

some years ago I picked up a guy at the club (lol – don’t judge me). at the time midori sours were my out drink because they were low alcohol and fairly safe. we were standing there talking, bonding over our “green drinks” and my first thought was he’s drinking too soft. (a man drinking midori – eww). turns out he was drinking an incredible hulk. he got a pass. lol.

disco

May 10th, 2013
10:05 am

kimmie – I was going to go there!!! giant souvenir glasses also get a pass.

Single & Happy

May 10th, 2013
10:07 am

No kimmie I don’t know because when I’m out, I drink what I like, and don’t care how it looks to others. I’m not about to order a shot of anything. And not ordering the liquor of the month.

Now disco, if I was out on any date, and the person gives me the side eye about a drink I ordered, this date is going to be over immediately, or going down hill very fast cause there isn’t going to be anymore dates!

MissMoni

May 10th, 2013
10:07 am

-Disco/Kimmie There are some places like Wet Willie’s where the frozen drinks come in their souvenir cup, so know no one (other than those who he’s ordering with) will know that he ordered a “soft” drink versus something made with 190 proof grain alcohol, LOL!!!

disco

May 10th, 2013
10:11 am

s/h – no worries. I wouldn’t side eye you. I’d just blurt it out. “dude you drink like a girl”. lol.

Single & Happy

May 10th, 2013
10:14 am

If I’m driving, low alcohol if any is it, not trying to get a DUI trying to prove my manhood to some stranger.

yea kimmie I get it, won’t be dating any ladies from the blog (LOL)

I’ve never had a woman have a problem with what I drink. I’m always ordering something out of the norm, most of those drinks you guys name I’ve never had, because I consider them to be in the drink of the month club. (that’s what everybody’s ordering so let me get one of those)