accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Have you become sloppy?

It  is easy to become relaxed and comfortable when you are in a new relationship.   Things tend to become less sexy after that honeymoon phase ends and you start to let yourself go a bit.  The first casualty of this sort of thing is your attraction to one another.

A lot of guys tell me that their women have become too sloppy or stop caring about their appearance as much.  This can lead to some awkward situations and men get accused of being shallow.  I don’t think a person is shallow for wanting their mate’s appearance to be attractive.

The same thing goes for single people.  I always joke that single girls don’t get days off.  We never know when we may run into someone who could be a potential romance, so leaving the house looking a mess is not always a good thing. Even if you don’t have a new relationship, you should care about your appearance so that you project a polished image.

Do you think you could use a little bit of a makeover?   Have you ever let things slip a bit because you stopped caring?

If you are in a relationship, what do you do when your mate stops putting effort into looking good?  Why do you think we let ourselves go after we become part of a couple?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

277 comments Add your comment

Celisea

May 9th, 2013
7:23 am

I really can’t speak on this issue. I’m nor rail thin, but y’all already know I believe in smelling good, keeping the weight in check (ummm gym today), looking dapper (whether business or casual), and hygiene first. I think “like” folks attract. My boo its along the same lines, as was Silky (he had it bad…lol) and the stockbroker. I mention those two cause they were all about fitness, health and image, but in a good way. As of now, this is not nor in the past been an issue :) :)

If it becomes an issue, yes yes yes, I will be bumping my gums to tighten up. :)

I really teared up listening to Gina de Jesus’s mom this morning on GMA. Soooo much joy in her voice and face!!!

Celisea

May 9th, 2013
7:33 am

You should never let yourself go, but that should be for you, not because of a mate. I don’t try to compete or keep up with the next woman. I just believe in doing me.

Alright, gotta get up and at ‘em…..

Single and Happy

May 9th, 2013
7:37 am

Hello all

Even if you don’t have a new relationship, you should care about your appearance so that you project a polished image. I’m a little different here, I don’t care about projecting “a polished image” life is to short to worry about what others think.

I don’t think a person is shallow for wanting their mate’s appearance to be attractive. What’s attractive to one may not be attractive to others. If you’re worried about what others think, then you may be a bit shallow.

Since I can’t please every one, I don’t try to please anyone but me, because in the end how I feel about myself is all that really matters!!

SlimNu

May 9th, 2013
8:34 am

Morning folks!

Exiled

May 9th, 2013
8:36 am

I’m nor rail thin?

Celisea…why u start on the defensive? :lol:

On topic: yea,single ladies,keep it clean,fresher and sexxy. And please no baby powder perfumes…research on getting something smelling light, and oozing good!

Ughhhhh,I hate hate hate a single woman that ‘overpowers’ folks with her foul perfume thinking it’s smelling sexxy!

Uggghhh! :lol:

You snooze u lose!!

Happy Thursday MIA!

Into the Light

May 9th, 2013
8:39 am

Morning, all.

I’ll admit it – I’m not where I want to be right now. And it affects how I view dating (i.e. not really interested in starting a relationship, because I’m not bringing to the table what I want in someone else).

Okay, so that’s my big confession. Anyone know the number for What Not To Wear?? :lol:

SlimNu

May 9th, 2013
8:44 am

Regarding the topic, I pretty much do me and be me from beginning, middle and end. I’m normally a jeans and shirt type of chick, but that doesn’t mean I don’t ‘get clean’ errry now and then. So whatchu seize is whatchu get ;-) I’m definitely not going to one of those chicks that, when barefoot, walk on their tippy toes because they are ALWAYS in heels.

SlimNu

May 9th, 2013
8:44 am

Ughhhhh,I hate hate hate a single MAN that ‘overpowers’ folks with his foul cologne thinking it’s smelling sexxy! :-)

SlimNu

May 9th, 2013
8:50 am

ITL :lol: That’s some honesty for yo azz

Into the Light

May 9th, 2013
8:55 am

LOL@Slim. What can I say? Knowing my faults is the first step to correcting them.

Single and Happy

May 9th, 2013
8:58 am

Anyone know the number for What Not To Wear?? it’s 1-888-mind yo own business, option 3 for the 3 finger (LOL)

Into the Light

May 9th, 2013
9:00 am

@Stamps: Ha! Seriously, though, I would love to be on that show. :)

Single and Happy

May 9th, 2013
9:00 am

Slim so it’s okay for a man in a relationship to wear overpowering cologne? (LOL)

Single and Happy

May 9th, 2013
9:01 am

ITL I’ve only seen it a couple of time, while it’s okay. but it’s has folks trying to change the person into who they want them to be,

SlimNu

May 9th, 2013
9:04 am

Single – I caught that too when Ex first posted his referencing single women :lol:

Single and Happy

May 9th, 2013
9:06 am

Now slim we expect that from ex (LOL)

DreamsMaterialize

May 9th, 2013
9:09 am

Morning
Two people need to do what works for them. You all should be communicating enough to know if getting “sloppy” is becoming a problem. If it is, then you have a choice to make: deal with it, make some adjustments, or make an exit.

Even if you don’t have a new relationship, you should care about your appearance so that you project a polished image.
What exactly is a “polished” image? You should project whatever image you feel best represents who you are.

SlimNu

May 9th, 2013
9:11 am

I see we’re getting off to a sloooow start today. WAKE UPPPPPPPPP! (In my Spike Lee voice)

Into the Light

May 9th, 2013
9:15 am

but it’s has folks trying to change the person into who they want them to be,

I don’t see it that way, Stamps. To me, Clint and Stacy are trying to help the person be the best they can be. Sometimes it takes an outside source to help you see where you could improve and to see the hidden beauty in you.

SlimNu

May 9th, 2013
9:19 am

I’d love to have a professional stylist come in a do me a makeover…I’m amazed at the before & after pics of some celebrities. So if I consider myself pretty decent now, I can only imagine how fione I’d be after they got a hold of me. lol

MsAtl

May 9th, 2013
9:22 am

Morning All!

I wouldn’t say I let myself go when I was in a relationship. However, after wearing suits all day, I like to get comfortable when I come home rather than answering the door looking like June Cleaver or Alice Kramden. I am not high maintenance and will not do the hour morning make-up thing.
Also, I noticed that eating out added a little fluff so I am taking steps to remedy that. I don’t feel the need (nore have the time) to look so-called polished every time my feet hit the floor, but I don’t go out looking a hot mess either. I don’t normally wear pancake face and will not wear it to “catch” a man. Ugh! It gets me when I see folks out and about in pajamas and do rags.

While some folks do let themselves go, I tend to believe that for the majority, it’s just trying to balance your time, giving time to your relationship, working, etc.

MsAtl

May 9th, 2013
9:23 am

Celisea

May 9th, 2013
9:23 am

MMeello – Your 8:36….hahahahaha, you funny mayne. :) You and I both know some cats don’t want a chick unless she’s anorexic…IJS I’m not with that. I’m not with killing myself for another, and I still say do what you do for yourself, for you to be happy.

And with that, I still want my dude to like what he sees. Not the entire sect of men…that ain’t my job and I don’t try to do that. Thankfully, I haven’t dated dudes stuck on their woman must keep skinny and ragging on her cause she don’t fit a certain style/type/look. Chile, I couln’t be bothered with that mess. Again, I believe in looking good, first for me, then for him.

Single and Happy

May 9th, 2013
9:24 am

ITL outside source, hiding beauty = trying to change someone into what you want think will make them look good. It probably would work for you because you are looking for a different look, but for some who are happy with their look, it didn’t work.

Bluzgirl

May 9th, 2013
9:26 am

Morning All!

It can be easy to get a little sloppy once you are comfortable, but the key is to catch it and change it.

I’m not going to be dressed to the nine’s everytime I go out of my house. I’m a jeans and t-shirt girl and not at all a girlie girl. I have my own style and when I meet a man, he’s going to think I’m beautiful the way I am. I’m not looking to impress a man ever!

ITL – I wouldn’t mind going on What Not To Wear, but I think they pick out some pretty expensive stuff! It would be fun, though, to have someone pick out clothes that look awesome on me!

GlammourGirl

May 9th, 2013
9:30 am

ITL – you should try somewhere like Nordstrom. They have free personal stylists that work within your budget and help you find what’s best for your body type.

Into the Light

May 9th, 2013
9:32 am

@Glamour Girl – That’s a great idea. Thanks!

disco

May 9th, 2013
9:37 am

good morning.

ex – funny you started ranting on perfumes. I’m a big perfume person but don’t wear it everyday. a chick got on the elevator with me this morning and we she got off I thought she smelled good. so, what did I do? I broke out my roller ball. lol.

itl – that’s not enough. child, what’s wrong with you? lol.

disco

May 9th, 2013
9:41 am

slim – that’s me. the tippy toe chick. can’t help it. lol. the only shoes I have that don’t have heels are sneakers.

s/h – some folks really do need lessons in what not to wear or in what to wear. I just gave the slip/cami lecture this morning.

disco

May 9th, 2013
9:42 am

bluz – re what not to wear picking expensive stuff. I used to love that show the look for less. they used to hit some licks on there.

Into the Light

May 9th, 2013
9:48 am

@disco: What do you mean? Are you asking what I am unhappy about/looking to improve?

SlimNu

May 9th, 2013
9:48 am

disco – Please tell us how the slip/cami lecture went down and how the person on the receiving end took it lol

Single and Happy

May 9th, 2013
9:48 am

Disco, if these folks are truly happy with themselves then they can wear what ever they want to,

Celisea

May 9th, 2013
9:51 am

I’m a girlie girl, I like glam, but not the artificial stuff. Give me a reeeally nice pair of pumps, not the shoes with 50 straps and a six-inch hell. Not globs and globs of make-up. A really well put together simply outfit. Something like the style of Ann Taylor or Talbots classics. Not colors and snaps and straps and openings…lolol I’ll take khaki over denim anyday. Plain suits, not fly collars and secret codes to get the dern thing unbutton…lol :) :)

disco

May 9th, 2013
9:52 am

single – I agree they can wear what they want. I also reserve the right to be petty and talk about them for looking like they ain’t got good sense. lol.

itl – yep. what’s your deal? self conscious? body image? just don’t like your clothes?

slim – I was actually talking to a chick who did it right. took that as an opportunity to bad mouth all the folks who don’t get it right. so, I didn’t say anything directly to anyone but the azz out crew knows who they are. lol.

SlimNu

May 9th, 2013
9:52 am

the tippy toe chick

disco – Strangely, my 4yr old niece constantly walks and RUNS on her tippy toes. You ought to see her when she’s playing soccer. It’s super funny to me and I honestly don’t know where she get’s it from. Such a prissy little thing and she MUST be wearing some sort of skirt or dress when she’s playing around the house.

Celisea

May 9th, 2013
9:53 am

Folks can wear what they want to wear, but everything ain’t made for everybody. You should (IMO), dress in what suits you.

SlimNu

May 9th, 2013
9:53 am

disco Keep it shallow :lol:

Celisea

May 9th, 2013
9:57 am

So, if you have a tummy or gut, you shouldn’t wear midriff tops. If you got a big ole butt, IMO (cause I’m sure dudes would beg to differ), you shouldn’t try to make that thang as apparent as possible. Cover it up, dress arrrrounnd it. If you got a big rack, first off Vickie’s skimpy bras won’t work for you…lol Go to Macy’s or Belks or Nordstrom, etc and get good bras. They have sexy but firm bras. Your tatas should be jibbling and bouncing all over the place. If you shake like jelly, get panties to cover your backside. Hipsters, boyshorts, etc etc etc. Thongs ain’t for everybody…sorry

Celisea

May 9th, 2013
9:58 am

jiggling not jibbling…is what I meant.

And if they ain’t as perky as they use to be, get bras to make ‘em stand up.

Single and Happy

May 9th, 2013
9:58 am

I also reserve the right to be petty alrighty then (LOL)

Into the Light

May 9th, 2013
9:58 am

itl – yep. what’s your deal? self conscious? body image? just don’t like your clothes?

Yep, yep, and yep. :) Seriously, it’s a “I want to lose some weight and until I do I’m not going to be happy with the way anything looks on me” issue. I just don’t feel as good in my clothes as I used to, and that, in turn, causes me to not pay as much attention to hair, makeup, etc, on a daily basis as I probably should.

DANG! Feeling like Im on the Freud couch today….. :oops:

Single and Happy

May 9th, 2013
10:02 am

So ITL, what are you doing to change that, (puffing on my cigar)

MsAtl

May 9th, 2013
10:02 am

Celisea- Lol. I bet the guys would agree that the tatas “should” be jibbling and bouncing. I know what you meant, just kidding you. I agree with your post. BTW- I think leggings (especially Dollar General leggings) are the worse thing to happen to a badonkadonk.

disco

May 9th, 2013
10:04 am

slim – re keep it shallow. I’m on the job. lol. btw, I’ve known lots of toddlers who did the tip toe thing. seems like they grow out of it by 4 though.

ITL – well my only advice at this point is the theory of relativity. find someone who you thinks looks worse in their stuff than you feel in yours. it’s a powerful motivator. I was reading a travel blog last night (guilty pleasure of mine. love travel blogs). this chick on a cruise was writing about all the overweight folks on the ship with her and how much they were eating. she said when she saw them pigging out it prompted her to skip dessert or hit the gym. when she saw a gang of big people waiting for the elevator it motivated her to take the stairs.

Celisea

May 9th, 2013
10:05 am

MsAtl – LOLOL…oopsie A badonkadonk should be properly managed…lolol

Into the Light

May 9th, 2013
10:05 am

LOL@Stamps. The first baby step I’m taking is to cook more at home and not eat out/hit the drive-thru as much. :)

@MsAtl: And WHY can’t “those” women wear a long shirt with those leggings instead of treating them like slacks and wearing a short top? UGH!

DuShawn

May 9th, 2013
10:05 am

-If you haven’t seen your lady at her worst (i.e. hair looking crazy, eye buggas, snoring with her mouth open, drolling slob on the pillow………you are not her main dude.

Bluzgirl

May 9th, 2013
10:05 am

ITL – I hear ya! I’m also at a point where I know I need to lose weight and I’m not happy with how my clothes are fitting. I’m starting to work on it, though. I want to start working more, but have to get my knee healthy again…having major issues with it and walking too much just aggravates it! It’s so annoying that I’m ready to walk after work every day and can’t! Trying to eat a little better…I wish there was some magic pill that could take the weight off for good! LOL

Celisea

May 9th, 2013
10:07 am

MsAtl – I was watching a segment on GMA this morning that A&F don’t go beyond a size 10 and the CEO is not denying that he’s not making clothes for the ahem, larger sect. However, other clothiers/merchants are because 67% of clothes purchased comes from plus sizes. Also, they said the average woman’s size is 14…didn’t know that.