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Dating other people?

There is a period of time before you have had “the talk” when you are still keeping your options open.  It’ s common to juggle different people that you are interested in.  You’re single, you’re entitled.  We are all adults, here, right?  Still there is something that changes the dynamic when you are faced with your competition.

The situation was not planned, but my friend Curt was on a date with a woman and they were approached by another love interest.  Awkward!  Thankfully, Curt is smart about who he dates. There were no embarrassing reality tv fight scenes.  There was, however, a little bit of cold shoulder action after the woman left.

So, he does not feel that she had a “right to get mad” because she knew that he was seeing other people.  When you are casually dating, should it really bother you when you find out that they are dating other people?

How much information would you want to know about your competition?

Are you obligated to share details about who else you are interested in or is that private?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

343 comments Add your comment

Exiled

May 7th, 2013
6:47 am

‘Dating other people’ as u call it is just a euphemism for Playa moves!

But this is America and you are entitled to freedom of Association.

If you want to juggle dates then understand that you yourself are going to be juggled,if not smashed…and it’s just a date…no hard nor attachments there…because uall are ‘dating other people’

Now let’s see who is clingy and who is not.

He he he..

Some of us got moves,u know.

Second date…u are looking at the ceiling! :lol:

Next….
:lol:

Happy Tuesday MIA!

Celisea

May 7th, 2013
8:07 am

We can talk all day about stuff being “unofficial”, no one wants to be in rotation, ESPECIALLY if feelings have started to develop. Call me selfish, but in the past after a couple of dates, I’ve removed myself easily when a dude was “still thinking.” I never felt good about a dude juggling and I’ve never went along with “seeing other people”, once feelings started developing. Why was it awkward? Why was ole girl giving the cold shoulder? EASY!!! Because feelings developed and by human nature, it ain’t cool knowing you’re sharing. Her reaction was the right one….regardless of saying she was cool with it.He knows that. Yeah, we’re adults, but we’re human. Folks don’t decide because it’s called cake and ice creaming.

I wonder how he would have felt, the shoe being on the other foot.

MissMoni

May 7th, 2013
8:09 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

When you are casually dating, should it really bother you when you find out that they are dating other people? I believe a person is entitled to feel however they want to feel.

When you decide to continue to date someone once they have told you that they are dating other people, then you should be adult enough to deal with just that. If it bothers you for your date to date other people then you should make that known upfront, you always have the option to simply walk away. As far as competition, do the best that you can do and don’t worry about what someone else is doing. Do you, be you!!! :-)

Celisea

May 7th, 2013
8:10 am

I can’t tell you what to do and I can’t mandate grown folks, but I ain’t gotta stick around either. :)

MissMoni

May 7th, 2013
8:11 am

“it ain’t cool knowing you’re sharing”

-Celisea That’s the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!!! I feel you on that, I’m NOT going to willingly be in a guy’s rotation. I want MY own!!!

Celisea

May 7th, 2013
8:17 am

I wonder if they’ve been intimate. Y’all know women (not all) start to feel some kind of way post act. Of course I’m reaching here…lol

Let me get out of here and get to work…..

Soooo happy happy happy about Amanda Berry…thank you Lord!

Celisea

May 7th, 2013
8:18 am

MissMoni – Sho nuff! I don’t knock those that can, but man sharing ain’t for me.

Hazel

May 7th, 2013
8:38 am

It shouldn’t bother the other person, but it does. I know I wouldn’t like it. And I would prolly like to know about the competition, but it wouldn’t be a good idea to know. And no one is obligated to share info on the other person you are dating.
Personally, I wouldn’t like the “let’s whole date other ppl” thing. My husband told me that he was dating other women too when we were on our 3rd or so date and I told him that I will not be seeing him again. I heard from him and the other folks he was “dating” dissapeared.

Hazel

May 7th, 2013
8:40 am

@ Celisea – Call me selfish, but in the past after a couple of dates, I’ve removed myself easily when a dude was “still thinking.” Thats how I feel. I do not want to be an option. I want to be the Answer

Hazel

May 7th, 2013
8:42 am

@MissMoni – “…you always have the option to simply walk away”. True True. I rather walk away while ahead than regret staying later. Even though you live and learn. Just not so in this case

MissMoni

May 7th, 2013
8:50 am

-Hi Hazel! Kudos to your hubby for making the BEST choice! ;-)

Hazel

May 7th, 2013
8:51 am

@MissMoni – aww.. u r so sweet for saying that. made me smile

MissMoni

May 7th, 2013
8:56 am

-Hazel No problem, I just call it like I see it & thank you for sharing.

DreamsMaterialize

May 7th, 2013
8:57 am

Morning
When you are casually dating, should it really bother you when you find out that they are dating other people?
If it bothers you, then you’re no longer “casually dating”, and you should decide which options you want to exercise at that point, i.e. let your feelings be known, walk away, or deal with it.

How much information would you want to know about your competition?
I don’t care about my “competition” because I’m not competing, per se. I’m pursuing, and she’s either making herself available to my pursuits or not. In time I’ll know and will make a choice.

Are you obligated to share details about who else you are interested in or is that private?
Who does this? “Yeah babe. Just so you know, there’s this other women I have the hots for too. She’s a little taller than you, quite a bit more attractive (gorgeous actually), hour glass figure, really smart, and makes me laugh. She also has that fiya.” lol

MissMoni

May 7th, 2013
9:01 am

-Dreams Good point, who actually does this?!?!? I don’t personally know anyone who has experienced that type of openness, LOL!!!

DreamsMaterialize

May 7th, 2013
9:18 am

I don’t personally know anyone who has experienced that type of openness
I’ve heard of women being “honest” like that when they’re trying to get rid of a bugaboo, but other than that it just seems rather…ludicrous (said in my Iron Mike Tyson voice). lol

MissMoni

May 7th, 2013
9:21 am

-Dreams LOL!!! Touche, a bugaboo is different than a legitimate romantic interest. :-)

SlimNu

May 7th, 2013
9:23 am

Dreams – hahahaha, my first good laugh of the morning. ;-)

Yall may want to back up for this and NO this isn’t a dream but…um….errrrrrrr…..I agree with Celisea’s 8:07 :-D You can talk all day about ‘dating’, not being exclusive but I don’t want to feel like i’m just a part of your ‘team’…I’m Tuesday and Friday’s girl, your plan B when the other chick cancels etc…Who can feel good about knowing that unless you just don’t give a dayum.

MsAtl

May 7th, 2013
9:32 am

Morning All!

It seems that my idea of dating isn’t the “norm” for right now (confused look). I see dating as you and he, not you and he and she and her. There is a difference between going out on a date and dating. If we go out on a date, I cannot tell you who else you cannot go out on a date with. however, if we continue going out and start dating, then I will not be part of a group of women. Last time I checked, “e pluribus unum” was not on my behind. Call me selfish, but I do not share.
And even though the woman may have known he was “seeing” other people, I am sure she did not expect to be approached; the other chick should have kept her distance. Glad they didn’t go the reality tv route, though.

MsAtl

May 7th, 2013
9:35 am

Dreams- I agree with your assessment on “the competition.” I am not in competition with anyone. I don’t see dating as a game show where I have to win the man over the other women. I will be myself regardless and if a man wants me to compete for him then he is not the man I want.

abc

May 7th, 2013
9:37 am

When I was single, they were either dating me exclusively or not at all. I wouldn’t put up with that crap. I call dating rotations a ho move, male or female.

Leggs

May 7th, 2013
9:40 am

“When you are casually dating, should it really bother you when you find out that they are dating other people?” The operative words here are “casually dating.” Since that’s the case, one should think he/she may be going out on dates with others. It shouldn’t bother either party.

No, I don’t need to know things about my competition. She’s a woman mjust like myself. We both offer different things and he will pick what best suits his interest in a partner. If he wants to continue dating others, then I’m simply not the one.

Good morning. Woke up and didn’t know if it was Tuesday or Wednesday.

Single & Happy

May 7th, 2013
9:48 am

Hey all

Leggs can I come out of the corner yet, it’s was a long night (LOL)

When you are casually dating, should it really bother you when you find out that they are dating other people? that’s easy, if you decide to stay then you’re okay with it, if not, move on. Life is to short to be sweating every little thing. You don’t have to stay ANYWHERE you don’t want to be!!

disco

May 7th, 2013
9:49 am

good morning everyone. opinions, opinions everywhere. lol. I don’t really know where I stand on this issue. guess I just don’t care that much. as for the competition theory, I’m somewhat competitive by nature and feel like it’s almost always a competition. it’s a competition whether you are actively competing or not. if you in the game (and trust, if you living, you in the game – lol) you should be in it to win it.

Leggs

May 7th, 2013
9:56 am

Single, it was a rough end of the day for me. I forgot you went to the corner after coming back from the gym. Please, sir, come and join the fold. Do you need any icy hot??

Single & Happy

May 7th, 2013
9:59 am

Leggs I need a good sensual massage :-D

Disco, life is a game? wow then I guess in the end we all lose, because we already know the outcome.

SlimNu

May 7th, 2013
10:01 am

I just got my new ‘tag tax bill’ in the mail this week, I suppose since my bday is coming up. Wow, happy bday to me….WACK!! I thought we had to option to opt in to the new tax deal, depending on when you bought your car. I guess not… :???:

SlimNu

May 7th, 2013
10:02 am

Single – You can get a good hour massage at Massage Envy for a reasonable price ;-)

Leggs – you’re welcome. :lol:

Single & Happy

May 7th, 2013
10:02 am

Slim you do, when did you buy it.

Single & Happy

May 7th, 2013
10:03 am

Slim is that reasonable price free?? cause if I’m paying I want a happy ending (LOL)

disco

May 7th, 2013
10:05 am

single – it’s all semantics. I didn’t say life was a game just said we are all in the “game”.

single – happy ending? oh my.

Celisea

May 7th, 2013
10:06 am

opinions, opinions everywhere.

Opinions, Opinions Everywhere
“I don’t, do you? “I do not share”
“The man is mine and mine alone”
“Nuh uh, he’s mine, I got his comb”
He like them tall, he like them short
He likes round butts, he likes all sorts
Y’all might be cool with his dating pool
While laughs and say “look at these fools”
You gals can stay, y’all knock yourselves out
But lil ole me, I gone I’m out

:mrgreen: An ode to disco’s line of “opinions opinions”

Leggs

May 7th, 2013
10:07 am

Thank you much, SlimNu. Those commercials are running every 37 seconds. Should have thought of them.

MsAtl

May 7th, 2013
10:11 am

Celisea- You channeling your inner Dr. Seuss this morning?

Celisea

May 7th, 2013
10:12 am

MsAtl – When I read disco’s first line of her post, that Dr Seuss “rhyme tune/sound” popped in my head :)

Single & Happy

May 7th, 2013
10:13 am

Disco, don’t play those games, it is what it is, and if you don’t like it move on. :-)

Leggs, never seen those commercial, but since you sent me to the corner, you have to pay for it :-D

SlimNu

May 7th, 2013
10:13 am

Single – I bought it in November 2012. And as far as the massage goes, it most definitely isn’t free is you’re looking for a happy ending. The only happy ending you’ll get there is one of relaxation. lol

Single & Happy

May 7th, 2013
10:19 am

Slim I think you have to fill out this form and take it when you go to get your tag.

http://motor.etax.dor.ga.gov/forms/pdf/motor/MV-14.pdf

kimmie

May 7th, 2013
10:22 am

Morning Gang!!

If you already know and have agreed to see other people, then you should not be bothered. BUT we are human, and if this is not date 1 and even the slightest bit of interest in continueing to get to know this person, yeah you gonna feel a little pang. I would think most of the time it’s not thrown in your face like this either.

I’ve never been able to deal with the juggling thing personally. Most of the guys I dealt with had a little more finese, or I guess they were just better players than most, lol. They didn’t throw it in my face that they were seeing others – those chicks just seemed to fall by the wayside and they ended up spending all their free time with me. And since I was never knowingly or willingly part of a rotation, I had zero interest in the “competition”. All I can ever be is myself and I was always confident in what I had to offer. Either it was his cup of tea, or not.

Celisea

May 7th, 2013
10:24 am

If I saw a dude I’m “dating” and saw him out with another, ummm yeah Imma approach. I won’t show out or anything, but I’d be like “well how the heck are ya.” But I can tell you, he would get all kinds of signals to kick rocks and not call me again.

Now….The icing on that would be if I had a dude as well, that I could introduce and flaunt. I would do it to let him know I’m not sitting around and yeah, I see ya, witcha other girl like you see me :)

Celisea

May 7th, 2013
10:25 am

Now take that with a grain of salt. I’on do ghetto or loud but I can shole be nice nasty :)

MsML5

May 7th, 2013
10:26 am

@ Celisea – Call me selfish, but in the past after a couple of dates, I’ve removed myself easily when a dude was “still thinking.” …….i agree!! i was in a situation where guy was “still thinking”, I felt it was not worth it to hang around until he figured it out so I took myself out of the situation.

Celisea

May 7th, 2013
10:27 am

And who the heck knowingly compete? I always SMH at the chicks on The Bachelor. And the reason all that cattiness kicks in full gear as soon as the show kicks off, cause in spite of saying one thing, “otherwise” is likely the end result.

I’m always scratching my head at that show. He’s kissing all those chicks, taking turns feeling them up, all of them professing love for him and he’s shaking his head saying okay, but can’t show too much in return….heck naw

SlimNu

May 7th, 2013
10:28 am

Single – Preciate cha….i’ll check it out and see what the better of the two are.

Leggs

May 7th, 2013
10:29 am

Single ~ I sent you to corner, but you wanted to “buck” my position and head to the gym instead. I’m not liable for anything YOU decide to do after my initial command. You going to that corner hours after I instructed you to was by your own volition. You pay for your own sensual delights, sir!

Celisea

May 7th, 2013
10:29 am

MsML5 – We are seeing eye to eye. I’m never gon stick around while a dude decide. Naw, count me out. One less woman to “think” on.

SlimNu

May 7th, 2013
10:30 am

I don’t get how those chicks be balling on national tv when they’ve only known dude for 7 days. lolol I’m like, yo azz got a connection that deep knowing full well he’s spending time with at least 9 other ladies? Heyal naw

kimmie

May 7th, 2013
10:34 am

Celisea – I always thought those Bachelor/Bachelorette shows were a little skanky and kinda prostitutish!LOL!!!

And H naw, I’m not going to sign up to be in any situation where a dude lets me know, in whatever way, he’s “still thinking”.

Celisea

May 7th, 2013
10:37 am

Kimmie – They are skanky to mildly put it. I might watch off and on during the shows when it’s a dude’s turn, but The Bachelorette, I don’t watch. Those chicks get crazy with it.

kimmie

May 7th, 2013
10:38 am

Cel -Nothing was nastier than Flavor Flav’s old show!LOL!!