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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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Dating Dilemma: Do you loan money?

I had a bad feeling when one of my friends told me he loaned his new girlfriend some money.  They had only been exclusive for a couple of weeks by then and I worried if this was a red flag.  Things seemed to have fallen apart between them and she still has not paid him back.

I always wonder why so many people who are in dating relationships allow money to become an issue before things are even serious.  Money will eventually be something every couple has to deal with but should it be a big issue when you are just dating?

Would you ever loan someone money if you are dating them casually?  What if you are in a serious relationship?

Have  you ever given someone you were involved with money?  Did it change the dynamic of your relationship?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

282 comments Add your comment

Exiled

May 6th, 2013
6:57 am

It’s not classy for a ‘new’ new friend to borrow from a stranger. It would be foolish for any man to loan a money to a woman that he just met.

Why would anybody request for a loan from a stranger but not folks in their family,friends they have known longer etc?

It is not unusual though for a women to manipulate men to get money based on promises to deliver short term ‘benefits’ or for a man to gift money based on a belief that it will entice the delivery of the desired goods.
It happens in love and lust.

Every man or woman will have to make decisions based on their own circumlocutions.(laugh)

Happy umm..Monday MIA!
Hope u All have a great day!

Lee

May 6th, 2013
7:06 am

Its a good idea to never loan money to anyone. If you do make sure you never need it back.

Celisea

May 6th, 2013
7:11 am

I disagree Diva, that money will become an eventual issue for every couple. Why (do I disagree)? Because every couple won’t get married. And if we aren’t married money is NOT up for discussion. Honestly, this one is easy….lol Heck naw, you shouldn’t loan bfa, gfs, bffs, boos, (rarely) family,members. See, ready!

I’on even play,that……at all. I don’t loan to my dude and he doesn’t ask…..AND VICE VERSA!!!

I was watching Deceived last week and this episode showed where some side swindled 200M plus EASILY within three weeks of some 40 plus woman desperately seeking love. Not only did he swindle her,money, he left her azzed out with no means to eat or provide for herself, her daughter AND threatened to kill her whenever she asked for any of it.

Umm yeah, go ‘head and fall head over hills and mix y’alls stuff…lol Good,luck

A Norris

May 6th, 2013
7:14 am

Loan is a noun. Lend is a verb.

Celisea

May 6th, 2013
7:14 am

I was saying “good luck with that.” Ain’t even happening, ain’t up for discussion. Mw and my boo gets it done. We’ve set boundaries and all. Until and unless marriage FIRST comes up, we already know what it ain’t!!!

Celisea

May 6th, 2013
7:17 am

Dern, I’m on my phone…excuse my typos. Auto-correct gets on my nerves. Some words were replaced that wasn’t intended.

Celisea

May 6th, 2013
7:19 am

I didn’t feel like booting up…oh well

BBL…….once I get to work

Celisea

May 6th, 2013
7:21 am

some “dude” swindled….not some side

MissMoni

May 6th, 2013
7:44 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Yes, in the past I have loaned money and learned that it is not a good idea to do so with a “casual friend”, lesson learned. Ex said it best, it’s not classy for a ‘new’ new friend to borrow from a stranger. Money can change the dynamic of a relationship, especially if you’re the one who’s always doing the lending. I would say, if while dating their money is funny, then don’t expect for those habits to get better unless they are actively working on & taking steps to do better.

Single & Happy

May 6th, 2013
8:07 am

Hello All

Would you ever loan someone money if you are dating them casually? yes, but I don’t lend more than I can afford to lose

What if you are in a serious relationship? See previous answer

Have you ever given someone you were involved with money? Yes

Did it change the dynamic of your relationship? No

Button

May 6th, 2013
8:28 am

Good morning!
Would you ever loan someone money if you are dating them casually? No way.

What if you are in a serious relationship? I wouldn’t have a problem if we are serious, also depending on the length of the relationship. If we have been serious for over a year and he is in need of money, I wouldn’t have a problem lending it to him but I will have a signed document stating so and a pay off date.

Have you ever given someone you were involved with money? I gave my late husband a load of cash to do as he pleased. It was a birthday gift. A bill fold with his intials carved in it along with a scription of a love quote I used to say to him. Other than that, that’s the only time I’ve given any man money.

My favorite saying is – don’t lend what you can’t stand to miss in your wallet. Most people never get their money back which causes a riff in any type of relationship.

As for your friend, he might have to chalk it up as a lost. She’s already purging herself from the relationship.

Hazel

May 6th, 2013
8:29 am

If you are not expecting the money back, then loan it. Personally its very tacky to ask someone for money when you are dating. A huge turnoff and a red alert for you to go the other way. If a grown person is asking for money already…the future will only be worse as far as financial dependency goes.

MissMoni

May 6th, 2013
8:31 am

-Button In reference to your favorite saying, I was told: “Don’t lend what you can’t afford to give.”

Button

May 6th, 2013
8:31 am

This time around when I get married we will not combine our income. That is something we’ve already talked about, keeping our finance separte. One bank account for the house bills. Vacations, car note, personal expenses will be something we will fund on our own. I can up with this arrangement simply because I know how much money have played in causing a riff in marriages and that’s something we both want to avoid. He makes much more money than I do and I don’t have a problem with it. He’s generous so that makes it all the better.

Button

May 6th, 2013
8:36 am

Miss Moni – I know that saying too, but I like to say don’t lend what you can’t stand to miss in your wallet.

Button

May 6th, 2013
8:40 am

Money changes everything, most guys will not get the play/attention they get had it not been for the money in their wallet. Some ladies do seek out daddy bigbucks.

“the love of money is the root of all evil”

MissMoni

May 6th, 2013
8:46 am

I believe that the money is not the problem in relationships, it’s when 1 or both parties don’t know how to handle it OR they love the money MORE than they love their spouse. “Money answers ALL things.” -Proverbs 10:15

Penelope

May 6th, 2013
8:50 am

Hello peepsykins,

One should never loan money to an SO! That is a dangerous game.

Every woman is not seeking daddybigbucks! Men looking for a good time only have the mentality that paying for a date means she is out to get him. That is the furthest from the truth. You cannot, I repeat cannot date without spending. A known fact. If spending a dollar or two equals daddybigbucks, maybe dating is not for you.

Y’all be sweet now, ya here!

SlimNu

May 6th, 2013
8:50 am

Good morning,

(feeling a little off today) As for the topic, I think it would be weird to be with someone that always needed money from you…especially in the beginning of a courtship. In my longest relationship, we helped each other out when times called for that so it wasn’t much of an issue. Give & Take, Give & Take….I recall when the ex finally got paid from a law suit and without me saying a peep, he gave me money from that just because. I thought that was very nice of him to do….

Which makes me wonder, if your SO came into a large sum of money, would you secretly expect him or her to give you some of it???? Or feel some kind of way about it, if he/she didn’t give you a piece of it? (anything from lotto winnings, settlement, inheritence etc…) Be honest..

Button

May 6th, 2013
8:52 am

Also Ecclesiastes 10:19.

Money changes everything – the lack or the abundance.

SlimNu

May 6th, 2013
9:01 am

Button – Your mention of daddy bigbucks made me think about that movie Annie. Daddy Warbucks was the rich man’s name in that movie. ;-)

Single & Happy

May 6th, 2013
9:02 am

Which makes me wonder, if your SO came into a large sum of money, would you secretly expect him or her to give you some of it???? Or feel some kind of way about it, if he/she didn’t give you a piece of it? (anything from lotto winnings, settlement, inheritance etc…) Be honest..
I feel the same way about this as I feel about kids taking care of their parents. It’s their money and they can do what they want to with it, they owe me nothing for just being there.

The only friends I’ve lost because of money are the ones that I wouldn’t lend any too, either because they never paid back the first loan. Or because they came to me with a sob story, the answer is always no to those.

SlimNu

May 6th, 2013
9:10 am

Single – When you say ’sob story’ do you mean in the sense that they are making up something simply to get money from you? People to have situations that come up…just asking

Button

May 6th, 2013
9:11 am

SlimNu – yeah I was going to say daddy warbucks but opt for daddy bigbucks . I love the 1999 remake.

SlimNu

May 6th, 2013
9:16 am

Slim now singing, “The sun will come outtttt tomorrow. Betcha bottom dollor, tomorrrooowwwww, They’ll be sunnnnnnnnn

Button

May 6th, 2013
9:16 am

Single – I’m with you on lending money. I don’t lend money to family or friends. If they are in need and ask me for a loan I will just give it to them if I can stand to lose it. chances are they will either have a hard time paying it back which prob will set them further in debt or will not be able to pay it back which will change the course of our relationship.

SlimNu – to be honest I won’t have a problem celebrating his winfall but I won’t expect him to give me some of it.

Coach

May 6th, 2013
9:18 am

Dont lend money you cant afford to lose.

Lee T.

May 6th, 2013
9:24 am

Isn’t it ‘There’ll be sun?’ I don’t think it is They’ll be sun.

MsAtl

May 6th, 2013
9:26 am

Morning All!

If I am in a serious relationship, I expect that we will hold each other down when necessary. For instance, filling the gas tank or whatever. I’ve learned the hard way not to lend what I cannot afford to give as several family members have apparently received “gifts” from me. I no longer give money out.

Slim- Which makes me wonder, if your SO came into a large sum of money, would you secretly expect him or her to give you some of it???? Or feel some kind of way about it, if he/she didn’t give you a piece of it? (anything from lotto winnings, settlement, inheritence etc…) Be honest..
Honestly- I would have to say it depends on the circumstances. Although they would not be obligated, if I had been helping my S/O out when times were hard, I would think that he would be gracious enough to give me some of it without asking. Like I said, it would not be an obligation, but if he suddenly got “thrifty” with money ONLY after HE came into it, it would let me know that the next time he was in a hard spot, he should not expect me to bail him out. It would also prompt me to do some thinking about the relationship.

Single & Happy

May 6th, 2013
9:37 am

Slim things don’t just come up, LIFE HAPPENS! If you weren’t prepared for it, that’s not my problem. If you need something just ask, you’ll have a better chance of getting it than coming to me with a sob story, whether it true or not. If I’ve got it to give then I may give it, but the story isn’t going to make it appear if I don’t have it.

SlimNu

May 6th, 2013
9:38 am

but if he suddenly got “thrifty” with money ONLY after HE came into it, it would let me know that the next time he was in a hard spot, he should not expect me to bail him out. It would also prompt me to do some thinking about the relationship.

MsAtl – This made me laugh because I’ve actually heard of folks acting all stingy once they were back up on their feet. lolol That Mike Jones song comes to mind, “Back then h0es didn’t want me, now i’m hot you all on me”. :lol: But definitely a good point there. ;-)

SlimNu

May 6th, 2013
9:39 am

Single – Things do arise but you’re right, a sob story or whatever isn’t going to make it appear if you don’t have it to give.

Single & Happy

May 6th, 2013
9:41 am

Slim also people with sob stories, or “situations that just come up” ALWAYS have situations that just come up!

kimmie

May 6th, 2013
9:42 am

Morning All!!

This is a very easy topic for me. I’ve said on here before that I don’t believe in getting entangled financially in any way before marriage. No loaning/giving large sums of money, no joint credit cards or cosigning, no access to each others bank accounts or private stashes, none of that. Now sure, if we are serious and one is having a setback, I expect we would have each other’s back – spot you for some gas, food, etc. I would not even look at that as a “loan”, just part of being there for each other during a time of need. No that does not meen either one is allowed to mooch off the other.

I’ve always had too much pride to ask a guy for money. I’ll go to my family and friends first. The guy I was dating at the time would absolutely be the last resort. The very few times I was in a bind like that, I actually seemed to kinda hurt the guy’s feelings, made him feel as if I didn’t “need” him. That’s just the way I was raised, not to “owe” a man anything. Golddigger is the last thing they could call me.

Single & Happy

May 6th, 2013
9:45 am

Hmmm Slim what things arise that are not a part of life? if you’re not prepared every problem is a big problem, but if you’re prepared, it’s just a bump in the road.

SlimNu

May 6th, 2013
9:46 am

Single – Could be anything, unexpected medical expense, car issue, hot water heater or a/c goes out, loss of a job etc etc etc….

MsAtl

May 6th, 2013
9:47 am

Kimmie- I hear you. Same here- you absolutely could not call me a gold gigger! I don’t like a man thinking I “owe” him anything. Even when my ex would withhold his support payment to try to “make” me ask for it, I would not. It ticked him off, but whatever; you know you owe, I shouldn’t have to ask you for anything.

disco

May 6th, 2013
9:48 am

good morning. you all are a cold, cold bunch. lol. no one has ever loaned anyone (not necessarily s/o) money? no one has friends or family members who are good for it? dag. even some of my people are good for it.

MissMoni

May 6th, 2013
9:51 am

-Disco I have loaned money, I just don’t loan it anymore, LOL! If someone needs it, I’ll just give it to them.

SlimNu

May 6th, 2013
9:53 am

disco – Wow, you calling other folks cold??? lolol I thought you were the blog Ice Queen :lol: Just messing with ya! I’ve lent folks money and have borrowed some too.

MsAtl

May 6th, 2013
9:53 am

Disco- Even if they are good for it, it doesn’t mean they will pay it back. That is what has, in effect, hardened me. You can’t sit there and tell me about your new purchases when you know you have not paid me back what you owe me. That puts you on my don’t ask me again list. I refused to help again and let a mo fo’s lights get turned off behind that iah.

Single & Happy

May 6th, 2013
9:54 am

Slim all life’s little problems that we all have, for some of us it’s a bump in the road, for others it’s a situation that just came up. I save my money for those situations when they happen to me, not when they happen to others.

Example, when I first move to the metro area there was a rash of apartment fires and these folks were losing everything because they didn’t have renters insurance. When I got my first apartment, I got renters insurance because I wanted to be covered. Never want to be be the one looking for a handout.

And all those things you named have happened to me, and they were just bumps in the road.

MissMoni

May 6th, 2013
9:55 am

-Kimmie I so feel your 9:42!!! It’s hard for me to ask anyone for money, so if I do it’s because I REALLY need it. The whole co-signing & joint bank accounts, etc, before we say “I Do” is a definite no-no!!! I don’t get why people do that. My cousin purchased a house with her husband about a year before they got engaged. They’re married now, but still I couldn’t bring myself to sign a mortgage with someone before we signed a marriage license.

disco

May 6th, 2013
9:55 am

slim – i know. i was laughing as i typed it. lol.

Single & Happy

May 6th, 2013
9:57 am

Disco, I will lend money, but you only get one shot at it, if you pay me back, you can get another loan. I just don’t want to hear your sob story. And I’m not lending my mortgage, insurance,car payment or any other money that I need to pay my bills with.

Button

May 6th, 2013
9:57 am

Are the ladies who go on millionaire match maker gold diggers?

SlimNu

May 6th, 2013
9:59 am

Single – Ok ;-)

Single & Happy

May 6th, 2013
10:00 am

MsATL I feel ya!

Button

May 6th, 2013
10:00 am

MsAtl – I’m witcha @10:53. I’ve been burned and I won’t do it again even with my kids. I’d rather just give as a gift and not expect a pay back. it’s much easier that way.

kimmie

May 6th, 2013
10:01 am

Disco – Family and friends are a whole different ballgame. I have a different set of rules for them. A man I’m dating asking me for money is kinda shady and a sign of weakness,to me. That’s how I was brought up – a real man finds a way and doesn’t live off his woman. And yes, in reverse, I didn’t take money from them.

Now fam & friends, while I’m not 1st Bank of Kimmie, I will help certain ones out and vice-versa. The sorry ones know better than to come my way though.