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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Should women ask men out?

The debate about asking men out has reared its head again.  The guys were giving my friend Tina a hard time because she made the first move and asked a guy out.  They believe it was bad enough that she approached him first.  Asking him out before he could suggest it first was another wrong move.

I think every guy is different, so there are probably men who would argue either side, according to their own preference.  I am curious about how men react when they are approached by women.  Does it happen often?  Are you surprised when they approach you?

Do you think that a woman who asks a man out is desperate? Does it depend on her approach?

Ladies, when was the last time you asked a man out?  What made you decide to do it?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

402 comments Add your comment

Exiled

May 1st, 2013
6:43 am

Should Women ask men out?….why u even ask……Yes,it denotes desperation.

I cannot call it any other way. But hey,Grab what u want if u feel u want it that much!

Good morning

Lee

May 1st, 2013
7:12 am

I never asked a man out. That doesn’t mean i never wanted to I am just to shy and have no clue on what to say.

Good for her for taking the first step on asking a guy out, I do not see anything wrong with it.

MissMoni

May 1st, 2013
7:17 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!! *Happy MayDay* :-)

Ladies, when was the last time you asked a man out? Call me old-fashioned but I don’t ask guys out.

Single and Happy

May 1st, 2013
7:39 am

Hey all

Let grown folks do what grown folks do, Live your life by your terms and not by others! you shouldn’t give a rats arse what ANYONE else thinks!!

Sly®

May 1st, 2013
8:02 am

what is arse? what does it mean? i see this word used repeatedly by several bloggers.

Big Al

May 1st, 2013
8:22 am

I’m a guy and I don’t see anything wrong with women asking guys out. I’ve been asked out a few times by women and I rather enjoyed being the prey instead of the hunter.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

May 1st, 2013
8:23 am

There’s nothing wrong with a woman asking a man out, nothing.

In fact, when it’s happened, I felt flattered and more willing to show her a good time.

Even when I’ve been asked out, I paid for our activities (though more than a few tried to beat me to the check).

The D personally likes a go-getter, and if he’s what you’re coming to get – all the better.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

May 1st, 2013
8:39 am

Whats the big deal????? She was interested, and she asked….. One of those things that I can not for the life of me understand…….

Hazel

May 1st, 2013
8:40 am

Go ahead. There is nothing wrong with it. To each its own. Neither of the two opinions make you desperate or narrow minded. We have come a long way and women asking men out is part of the movement.

SlimNu

May 1st, 2013
8:45 am

Sly – arse is another way of saying ASS. You’re welcome lol

I have not asked a man out for the purpose of dating. I have asked a guy friend to meet me out for a drink or something. That’s about it…

Reio

May 1st, 2013
9:12 am

Morning all!
Personally, I’ve never been asked out directly. On a few occasions, a third person would inform me that, “Sonya” for instance, “said that you’re welcome to the party if you’re not busy Saturday evening”. That was Sonya’s way of asking me out, cause I was told by someone else that she wanted to get to know me. A similar occurrence happened, oh, maybe three times during my lifetime. But I have never been asked out by a woman directly. If that were to happen, I would assume that she just wants my body. Sorry, that’s the first thing that would enter my mind if I were asked out by a woman.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

May 1st, 2013
9:19 am

@Reio

I assume (that she wants my body) on GP, regardless of who asks.

As for being invited indirectly and told “she wants to get to know [you]“, that’s an invite I would have declined due to the HS nature of all that.

A grown woman should be able to express herself, sociohistorical conventions aside (i.e. being “traditional”). If she couldn’t open her mouf to let the D know – at least – that she’d “like to get to know me better”, I couldn’t fade her.

How’d that situation work out?

disco

May 1st, 2013
9:25 am

good morning.

disclaimer: I am feeling straight hood today. my apologies in advance.

ex – desperate? whatever.

lee – shy is for kids.

reio – I hate that third party move. it’s so junior high.

I’m on team a closed mouth don’t get fed. if a woman wants to ask a man out she should go right ahead and do so. if he’s the type man that feels some kind of way about it then shame on him. he’s probably not man enough for her anyway. lol.

LeeH1

May 1st, 2013
9:27 am

Depends on what the woman thinks of the man. If he is closed minded and stupid, sure, never ask him out. But then, why would the woman even be interested in someone like that?

If the man can handle new concepts and has some wits about him, then sure, ask him out. Most women have no clue to what is involved in asking someone out on a date, so it is always a good practice to try it out.

And also, most people learn their date asking skills when in high school. Nothing wrong with that, but most of the problem with asking a male out is that siblings and parents will tease the boy afterwards. Well, that is what happens to boys. Men usually don’t have that problem, especially with their roommates, but the inhibitions and hesitations are still there from when the kids were all 16 years old.

Adults should be more adult about it.

The alternative will be loneliness.

MsAtl

May 1st, 2013
9:27 am

Morning All!

I have never asked a man out. I am not sure that I would, but it depends on the circumstances.

George P Burdell

May 1st, 2013
9:35 am

Never happens to me. But it’s perfectly acceptable in my opinion. Natural progression of women being equals.

Celisea

May 1st, 2013
9:37 am

A grown woman should be able to express herself, sociohistorical conventions aside (i.e. being “traditional”).If she couldn’t open her mouf to let the D know – at least – that she’d “like to get to know me better”, I couldn’t fade her.

Siiiigh….here we go again with the lumping and assumptions. If a woman asks a man out, that’s her and what she does…kudos. But it ain’t wrong if a woman is traditional and would much rather be pursued. IJS….sheesh. Two sides to a coin, folks.

CoolShadow

May 1st, 2013
9:38 am

Are you surprised when they approach you?

Yes, since it’s a rarity that women will approach first.

Do you think that a woman who asks a man out is desperate?

Not necessarily, just being assertive. You can choose whom you want to approach but you can’t choose who approaches you. If a womsn isn’t satified with the quality of men that approach her, she might want to consider making the first move .

SlimNu

May 1st, 2013
9:39 am

If I were around a guy that I was interested in, I would probably suggest we do something that we talked about in converstation. “Oh, you like miniature golf too! I’d love the chance to whoop your tail if you’re up for it”…I don’t think that comes off as desperate does it? lol

Reio

May 1st, 2013
9:39 am

@Dan – Well, I went to the party, not because Sonya indirectly invited me, but because the birthday girl herself invited me before Sonya started her little inroad. Here’s the sjit; Rolanda was having a birthday party, planned by Sonya and a couple of other women. Several weeks before the party, most people hadn’t even heard about it yet, Rolanda told me that she would be expecting me there. Rolanda and I go way back and she had a boyfriend at the time anyway. She was/is like a sister to me. Apparently, Sonya did not know this, and saw it as an opportunity to invite me and “Get to know me”(Get into my pants). I went, met, mingled,laughed,….nothing happened between me and Sonya. She followed me around for a brief while, but I didn’t reciprocate, so, I suppose, she gave up. Nice party, as I recall though. This was many(about 212) years ago. Heheheh………..

Celisea

May 1st, 2013
9:40 am

I can tell you know, I will never just walk up and ask a man out…being unsure of he’s at all interested. And to this day, I’ve yet to ask a man out, before locking things in (guess it doesn’t count when I call my boo and say what are we doing tonight, huh). Now, if there’s been a bit of dialog back and for and I’m feeling vibes, meh I open. But just walking up, not knowing if he’s gay or straight, married or not, booed or not, feeling me or not…naw I don’t see that ever happening. If I got shot down, my confidence level might take a hit…lololol

Celisea

May 1st, 2013
9:42 am

But please for all that is good, don’t start with the “closed mouths don’t get fed” mess all cause a woman ain’t fast.

disco

May 1st, 2013
9:44 am

Celisea – even most guys don’t ask a girl out on zero information. lol. typically they are doing good to ask for a phone number. get the number, talk, cross off some yeas and nays and then decide if they are asking someone out. some may go straight to asking out but dare I say that comes off as desperate. lol.

Celisea – I did have lunch once with a total stranger.

Reio

May 1st, 2013
9:45 am

SlimNu – “Oh, you like miniature golf too! I’d love the chance to whoop your tail if you’re up for it”…

I would interpret that, coming from any woman, as wanting to get into my pants. Right or wrong, that’s the way I would see it.

disco

May 1st, 2013
9:47 am

C – the two have very little to do with one another. that same “not fast” chick who won’t ask a guy out may be working the heck out of every other womanly wile she knows trying to get dude’s attention. so one woman’s method is more direct than the other. if they get the man (or if they don’t), the end result is the same.

Durty Burd

May 1st, 2013
9:51 am

Good Morning!

That’s funny Celisea its o.k. for the man to take a hit on his confidence but not so good for you… lol

I say follow your tuition/instinct it will guide you to some good dates and possibly making some good friends. I have found women who have an idea of what they like just come up to me and ask me out for a date. It took me by surprise because my mindset was to ask first.

SinusSlim

May 1st, 2013
9:54 am

Reio – And that’s totally fine to have that opinion. As time goes on, you’ll either still believe that or be shown differently. I’m not jump into your pants all willy nilly type-o-girl :-D

Durty Burd

May 1st, 2013
9:57 am

Hello MissOldfashionMoni! :smile:

Pre conceived notions q women is fast is she asks out a guy.
Celisea your lists of unknown is huge, a good list to know about a SO.

SlimNu

May 1st, 2013
9:57 am

Whoops, changed computers and forgot to switch my moniker back…

Single and Happy

May 1st, 2013
10:03 am

Slim you working off 2 computers, uh oh (LOL)

Celisea

May 1st, 2013
10:07 am

disco – I’m still sticking with “it’s in him” to pursue. Not saying that it’s wrong if a woman asks, but for me, unless I’m vibing or chatting or getting some sort of feeling, I’m not asking…lol

disco/Durty – I believe, when God made men hunters, he put the wherewithal to come back and do it again and again and again, even though shot down. Not saying they can’t feel it the hits, but I just believe we are built and designed differently. It’s a blow to a woman’s emotion getting rejected.

And intuitively (cause of how we’re designed), when it comes to reading women (well not now cause men have become crybabies) versus women reading me, I say they have us beat. So IMO, the guage for guessing should I or should I not go in tends to lean in their favor. Not say we can’t “read” men, but I just think in this area…..

Just what I think

Celisea

May 1st, 2013
10:07 am

disco – I’ve sat down at a table in a restaurant with someone I didn’t know. It was crowded there :)

SlimNu

May 1st, 2013
10:07 am

Well Wednesday’s i’m not at my desk due to our weekly auction. So i’m actually out in the arena now. No need to feed into the blog conspiracy theorists lol Plus “SinusSlim” would not be a good bully name. ;-)

kimmie

May 1st, 2013
10:10 am

Morning Gang!

Didn’t we cover this topic not too long ago? It sure seems like it, but I know it’s probably not easy coming up with new and interesting topics every day. Anyway, I say get in where you fit in. The beautiful thing about living in a free modern country is you have options. If you’d rather stick to the traditional way of things, have at it. There are others who feel the same so hopefully you all will meet up. If you are game to taking a more progressive stance, there are definitely those who will appreciate it. Either way, while you’re entitled to your opinion, it’s just not cool to label someone because they decide to take a route different than you would. You may call her desperate, while the guy she asked out is flattered, happy and they are planning their wedding a few years later. Going on about their business while you are standing around judging, and dateless.

I find myself kind of in the middle. I kind of made the first move in striking up a convo with my husband, but he took things from there and asked me out first. That is how our relationship is to this day. There are elements of traditional and modern. Works for us.

Reio

May 1st, 2013
10:10 am

SlimNu – Obviously, if I had some sense of the type of person she was before she asks me out, I may or may not have that thought to enter my mind. But in general, that would be the first thing I would think about. I’ve never been asked out by a woman, so I can’t say exactly what my response would be

Celisea

May 1st, 2013
10:10 am

Trust me, I’ve had more “dumb” conversations with gfs that didn’t have a dang clue when the writing was on the wall, on the floor, on their faces, on their backs….crystal clear and they still said otherwise until and unless outright told, shown, etc etc etc

disco

May 1st, 2013
10:11 am

C – by now we all know your stance. lol. I was just saying being a more aggressive or non-traditional woman doesn’t necessarily equate to being “fast”.

C – I was visiting folks in richmond va and was downtown killing time. some guy asked for my number. I told him I was only in town for a couple of days. next thing you know, we’re having lunch. after lunch we went our separate ways.

Celisea

May 1st, 2013
10:14 am

disco – I was saying a woman not making a first move doesn’t equate to not knowing how to “express herself, by now”….per Dan. Point being, just cause she didn’t ask, does not mean she can’t or doesn’t know how…thus meaning cause she ain’t fast she ain’t broken.

Celisea

May 1st, 2013
10:16 am

Durty – Pre conceived notions q women is fast is she asks out a guy.

Oooorrr, preconceived notions that a woman can’t express herself cause she didn’t make the first move :mrgreen:

SlimNu

May 1st, 2013
10:16 am

Reio – Well there you have it. I could see if a chick is being overly flirty and touchy, during the process of asking a dude out. THEN I could say, dang this chick just wants me to beat it up. But if you happen to be in the same place and a converstation comes up with her ultimately asking to go out, I just can’t see how that breeds – she wants my meat. But i’m not a dude and do not think like a dude.

disco

May 1st, 2013
10:19 am

slim – some dudes (a lot of dudes actually) think you want some if you speak to them, look at them, walk past them, wear the same color they happen to be wearing, have on dangly earrings. it doesn’t take much. guess it’s sort of like the chicks who thinks every man wants her. lol.

random: does anyone else get annoyed when someone you are dining with orders the same thing as you? lol. I know it sounds crazy but it burns me up.

Reio

May 1st, 2013
10:22 am

Just sitting here wondering what my response would be if asked out by a woman directly. I’ve never had this happen,but, I suppose, knowing the way I think, I would,more than likely, immediately ask her why she wants me to go out with her. Wonder what she’d say then?

kimmie

May 1st, 2013
10:23 am

disco – It bothers me if say my husband was going to order something I was considering too, then ends up getting the same thing as I’m getting. At that point I’m a little irritated because I wanted to taste some of his!LOL!!

Celisea

May 1st, 2013
10:23 am

No need to feed into the blog conspiracy theorists lol Plus “SinusSlim” would not be a good bully name

What conspiracy? Had you not mentioned, frankly I wouldn’t have noticed. I don’t think anyone spoke to it…unless I missed something. Or maybe you was hoping anna wishing :mrgreen:

Alright folks, I’m all blogged out for now….lol

Let me get to work.

SlimNu

May 1st, 2013
10:24 am

disco – hahahahaha, you have a point there. And frankly, I hate being around chicks who think every dude wants her.

Single and Happy

May 1st, 2013
10:25 am

For the record, I’ve never thought a woman was fast, loose, desperate, or wanted to bed me when they ask me out, I just think of it as someone who wants to go out and have a good time.

Disco, only if it happens every time we go out.

Slim what is over flirty? some of us flirt without even realizing it.

Single and Happy

May 1st, 2013
10:27 am

At that point I’m a little irritated because I wanted to taste some of his!LOL!! now that is really irritating (LOL)

disco

May 1st, 2013
10:28 am

reio – did not the walmart lady ask you out recently? (of course, I could have you mixed up with someone else. I don’t keep blog notes). lol.

kimmie – I know I trip off of little things so sometimes I need perspective. dude I had dinner with last night knows I’m funny acting. we discussed what we were ordering beforehand. I order chicken jambalaya and he orders chicken and shrimp jambalaya (after telling me he was getting something else). I was tempted to change my order but opted not to go there. then during dinner he wants to ask how my food tastes. fool, it tastes like yours. idiot.

Reio

May 1st, 2013
10:31 am

disco – Must have me mixed up with someone else. The WalMart cashier pinched my thigh. Remember now? Didn’t ask me out. Hell, she was/is younger than my daughters. I’ve never been asked out.

Single and Happy

May 1st, 2013
10:33 am

disco, on Reio’s wal-mart encounter, she wasn’t asking him out, she was letting him know she was available for a price, “I make all my CUSTOMERS happy!!”