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Marriage: Can you buy happiness?

I can’t remember where I heard it but someone once said that “Money is a sad reason for people to be together.  It’s also a said reason to break up.”  I wish love conquered all and things didn’t often come down to money, but let’s face it, money matters.

I can remember a couple who started out struggling financially.  They were broke but they were happy and they leaned on one another.  Fast forward seven years and one of them inherited a large sum of money unexpectedly.  The changes I saw in that couple really made me wonder if it was all worth it.

I wondered if it was the money that changed them or if it was the money that highlighted problems that were already there.

When it comes to love and matters of the heart, how does money or lack of money play a role?  Should it matter as much as it does?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

270 comments Add your comment

Exiled

April 30th, 2013
6:51 am

Well,money matters a lot!

When you don’t have it,you look in one place for love..in people without it or those u think dont have it. When you have it you move in different circles. That’s how it works.

And when you ‘inherit money’ after having been married to a poor woman or man,sometimes its necessary to ‘upgrade!’..go get somebody who also has money or comes from money.

It also shows that folks that are together are not necessarily in it for love. Ohh no! Sometimes,in fact a lot of times they are in it for convenience. She married him because he was available,equally broke,she was desperate,etc. It happens. So when money comes along later,folks are bound to reevaluate(chuckle) . It’s life,it happens.

And money is a Big Deal with Women ALL women!

They look(evaluate) a man’s money First!,then Open the Heart(Legs) later! Women follow that protocol. :lol: so what’s ur question again? :lol:

Hello MIA !

Lee

April 30th, 2013
7:03 am

If you have a partner that is willing to work with you instead of against you, anything is possible. Money plays a role when one party is just thinking about themselves — maybe goes over board and spends all the money before anything else –greed is never a good look. And it breaks down the TRUST of the relationship once had–example –a friend of mine decided she wanted a new car, so she went and bought that sporty car–she brings the car home and her husband was like we never even talked about getting a new car we can’t afford that right now. She doesn’t care because she wanted it.. Its not the money that ruined the relationship , it was her greed.

Money will always matter because we need it to have the basic life existence : food water shelter clothing health care
Money will not make you happy, money just makes life easier to live.

MissMoni

April 30th, 2013
7:44 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

“Money, Money, Money, Money. . . MONEY!!! Some people GOT to have it. . .”

Well I agree with Lee in that money is a necessity, especially in relationships. It’s the amount of money and how you handle it that usually causes the problems. Some people say that they don’t care how much money their mate has, but that’s usually said while their mate is making a good salary. Now the true test of love is when the money gets a little funny. Money makes life easier but it doesn’t always make it better if you are already unhappy.

For the record, money doesn’t change people, it just brings out who they always were.

Big Al

April 30th, 2013
8:02 am

Money can’t buy happiness but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.

Single and Happy

April 30th, 2013
8:13 am

Hey all

Big Al, Lee, Let me win the lottery, and I’ll show you how happy I can be. (LOL)

While money may not be able to buy happiness, it sure will enable me to do a lot of things that will make me happy, so I guess in essence, it did buy me happiness!! :-D

Hazel

April 30th, 2013
8:37 am

I have seen plenty of families who have it all ..other than money and they are happier than the most.
“sometimes its necessary to ‘upgrade!’”. wow.. if everyone thought this way, this world would be one messed up place.

[...] Marriage: Can you buy happiness? [...]

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 30th, 2013
9:02 am

Money allows people to be who they are at their root.

For those that grew up with it, they have to define themselves around having it.

For those that grew up without it, they have to learn – among other things – how to live with it, keep it, grow it, say ‘no’, impulse control, and who they are with it.

@WD, for your friend who inherited it, the money only took one kind of pressure off revealing the cracks in their foundation.

As for happyness, it’s like self-esteem, you have to find/define it for yourself.

disco

April 30th, 2013
9:06 am

good morning.

go ‘head ex. making sense this early in the morning. lol. I agree, marriage isn’t always about love.

lee – I agree that money won’t make you happy. I also agree that money can make it easier to live. for some, just being able to live easier makes them a lit bit happier.

disco

April 30th, 2013
9:09 am

hazel – he said “sometimes” it’s necessary to upgrade, not that it’s “always” necessary to upgrade. lol. personally I see nothing wrong with the upgrade. sure beats the downgrade.

SlimNu

April 30th, 2013
9:10 am

Morning,

MissMoni – I’m going to have that song stuck in my head all day, i’m sure. ;-)

Hazel

April 30th, 2013
9:17 am

whatever happened to “thru thick and thin”.?! I was with my husband before he/we made it and he better not think about any upgrades.. lol.

MissMoni

April 30th, 2013
9:20 am

-SlimNu It was the 1st thing that came to my mind while reading the topic. :-)

MsAtl

April 30th, 2013
9:22 am

Morning All!

Let’s see- shoes = happiness; money = shoes; therefore money = happiness.
No, really, I don’t believe money can buy happiness. That said, money issues can lead to stress, which can make it harder to be happy and relieving those money woes can allow your happiness to surface. However, that is not really money BUYING happiness.

Disco- I like your second paragraph.

Exiled- “And money is a Big Deal with Women ALL women! They look(evaluate) a man’s money First!,then Open the Heart(Legs) later! Women follow that protocol. so what’s ur question again? ”
**Wondering what kind of women you know that are ALL like this. Ummm, yeah, money does not open my legs.

Moni- “For the record, money doesn’t change people, it just brings out who they always were.” – I agree!

disco

April 30th, 2013
9:22 am

hazel – what happened to through thick and thin? the same thing that happened to for better or for worse, in sickness and in health and til death do us part. lol.

SlimNu

April 30th, 2013
9:24 am

For some reason, in reference to the whole “upgrade” thing, this came to mind. You’re only as faithful as your options. So I suppose when someone isn’t making as much, they may feel that their options as far as choices in a partner, are more limited. So if they were to come into a large sum of money, they see the array of options open up to different worlds they previously didn’t think they’d have a chance to choose from. Maybe that explains the whole entertainment/sports world. These players or musicians probably had a lot of time with regular folks from their younger lives that were there to support them until they ‘made it’. But when they ‘make it’, they end up ditching the former for something/one considered higher/better grade. Now in sitting back thinking about that, you would think that anyone that you met after the perceived success is probably only interested BECAUSE OF the extra zeroes in your bank account. Seems like you would want a person or appreciate the person that was there when your azz didn’t have a pot to p!ss in. But I digress, i suppose it’s no different than a poor person winning the lotto. Of course you’ll want to go out and splurge on things you once weren’t afforded the privilege of acquiring.

MissMoni

April 30th, 2013
9:26 am

-MsAtl Your opening line spoke to me, LOL! I like to shop and money is needed to shop. I for one understand that money doesn’t make me, but it does allow me to shop and live a certain lifestyle that I enjoy living. With that being said, I’m not afraid of money and what I can do with it. :-D

SlimNu

April 30th, 2013
9:30 am

“And money is a Big Deal with Women ALL women! They look(evaluate) a man’s money First!,then Open the Heart(Legs)

Ex – Well how do you explain women that deal with broke dudes, that sit in their house all day, eating their food, dirivng around in her car, picking her late up in her own car from work, etc True they must be getting D’ed down but there are far too many stories of this scenario for ALL women to evaluate money then open their heart/legs. Theory debunked ;-)

disco

April 30th, 2013
9:30 am

slim – that’s certainly one spin to put on the upgrade theory but it can be a lot more simple than that. who among us hasn’t heard or felt they can do better? upgrading (in disco’s opinion) is simply doing better, whatever better means to you. better can mean a mate that makes more money or a mate that spends more time with you.

MissMoni

April 30th, 2013
9:36 am

-Disco I too define upgrade as doing better. For example, I already own a home in a nice neighborhood, so an upgrade in that category would be a bigger home in a nicer neighborhood.

Everyone has their own definition of better for them is. . . The women that SlimNu described in her 9:30am apparently see just having a man as better. My philosophy is that I desire a man that is an asset NOT a liability.

DreamsMaterialize

April 30th, 2013
9:38 am

I wondered if it was the money that changed them or if it was the money that highlighted problems that were already there.
Morning
Money can’t buy happiness, but it might provide the means to pursue things that would contribute to your overall happiness.

Mr_NYC

April 30th, 2013
9:44 am

Morning – similar to what Dan said, I think money magnifies the core individual. It don’t buy happiness, it buys things and opens up new opportunities.
Of course, then there’s that once popular song ‘no romance without finance.”

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 30th, 2013
9:47 am

LeeH1

April 30th, 2013
10:00 am

Live a lifestyle 10% LESS than you can afford, and all will be well. But both adults have to agree and work to make the budget fit.

This also applies to the children, which is where it really gets tough.

But live within your means, and under your means, and all will (mostly) be well.

MissMoni

April 30th, 2013
10:02 am

Hi Court! You got me this morning with that song selection, never heard of that band before.

Celisea

April 30th, 2013
10:03 am

Happiness is a state of being and it radiates from within, out. I don’t buy into any theories that money makes you better, a marriage better or living life better. There are folks that don’t have money, won’t have money but are happy and content with their station in life. There are people that have it all and can’t find a day of happiness. It all depends on you being content. IMO, when people aspire to do more, be more, it’s driven from something within…getting paid is that extra added.

When I think in terms of trying to “buy” happiness, I think in terms of wealth. If you ain’t wealthy, don’t even try it. Springing for a burger or paying for dates ain’t the road to happiness or a woman spreading her leggs. For those that do, I petty them. The sold themselves to the highest bidder. And don’t get me wrong, it’s better to sale it as in quid pro quo than to hand it out like government cheese, with no return on the investment. If anything, that just proves it’s mostly a business…and rarely anything to do with happiness.

The entire Book of Proverbs teaches lessons on money and sex and woman (and men) and material is all vanity and vexation of spirit. None of these things were ever intended to satisfy and make you feel at home. Why? Because this place is not our home and all that we possess cannot go with us. The need or urge or yearning within is suppose to be that thing that drives you to God. In him you can be broke or rich…and either way, content. If God is not an option for you, then yeah, you’ll continue to search and buy and look and sale, etc etc etc….and hit repeat.

Happiness is not in another person. Happiness is a state of being, a state of contentment and to be there or find it or get it, is done solely on you, the individual. Yes, there are things that hurt and ache or make us cry but it’s only because you allow it. It’s only because you believe that’s what it takes to make you happiness. You can do and find happiness without another and without a dime.

Reio

April 30th, 2013
10:03 am

With respect to money, one has to keep in mind that we live in the United States of America. Not New Zealand, not switzerland, not Tanzania, but America. Our country was founded on greed. Survives on greed. Worships money. The Pilgrams walked off the Mayflower blasting, and we’ve been shooting at each other ever since. Money and/or access to it, is what makes this country tick. Always has. Acquiring money is the sole purpose for some people’s existence. Never enough. Never too much. We base our evaluation of others on how much money they have. So, relationships are no different. The one with the most money(usually men), has the most power. The average fella tends to be weak, so weak, in fact, that if circumstances changed, and he had less money than her, he would move on, cause he can’t handle that. Some people(men & women) will hang around their mate just for the money. Take the money away, and they leave too. It will never change.
Hell, just look at it this way: Two people diagosed with a brain tumor. One, a six figure salaried executive with Proctor & Gamble, the other, a $30,000/yr. bus driver in Kansas City. Who gets the better medical treatment? Why? Money. Even here in the most powerful, and richest nation ever in the history on mankind, we afford those with the most money, the best medical treatment. The same would be true if each of the above mentioned men had each , a two year old toddler diagnosed with a brain tumor. Guess who gets the better medical treatment. People inThe Sudan don’t have this as a concern in their relationships. It’s cultural. It’s greed. Thanks for reading this rant. Sorry. Had too many Rice Krispies for breakfast this morning.

SlimNu

April 30th, 2013
10:04 am

My philosophy is that I desire a man that is an asset NOT a liability.

MissMoni – That definitely makes sense but as I sat here thinking on that word ‘liablity’, in the ‘for better or worse’ part of the vows, that could also mean ‘for better(asset) or worse(liablity). lol Things do happen though…

Celisea

April 30th, 2013
10:04 am

a business transaction

disco

April 30th, 2013
10:05 am

lee – I get it, I really do but you have to understand the argument that spending is what money is for. why work hard your whole life just to save money and die so someone else can spend your money? live your life, spend your money. lol.

dating a guy that has money but doesn’t want to come up off of it is almost as bad as dating the guy who doesn’t have any to begin with. lol.

MissMoni

April 30th, 2013
10:10 am

-SlimNu I get it, but it’s different if you choose to date someone who is a liability vs. you married an asset and then something happens. I’m all for adhering to the vows and being there for better or worse. I’m just not going to start out Day 1 by marrying worse.

disco

April 30th, 2013
10:13 am

moni – right right. lol.

SlimNu

April 30th, 2013
10:17 am

MissMoni – Fa shizzle ;-) I gotcha, i’m not into dating a deadbeat dude either all for the sake of some good pipe. lol

MissMoni

April 30th, 2013
10:18 am

-Disco/SlimNu LOL!!! :-)

SlimNu

April 30th, 2013
10:19 am

The same would be true if each of the above mentioned men had each , a two year old toddler diagnosed with a brain tumor. Guess who gets the better medical treatment

Reio – I immediately thought about that movie with Denzel Washington, “John Q” lol

CoolShadow

April 30th, 2013
10:21 am

Money can be an enhancement or the wedge between you & your mate, depending the strength of your relationship. It helps to be financially like-minded when it comes to money matters. If one person is fiscally conservative and the other is a spendthrift, money will become an issue and likely elevate other issues to the surface.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 30th, 2013
10:21 am

Wow, MissMoni!!! FatBack is an old R&B Group from Waaaaaay back. Great song though!!! :)

Now on topic….. It has been said on several occasions that money can not buy happiness… I will ladd this… Money might not = happiness, But Being Broke damn sure = sad……..

Celisea

April 30th, 2013
10:22 am

And if Court can post youtube videos all day and not get banned, I’m sure this little excerpt won’t hurt….

Ecclesiastes

10 He that loveth silver shall not be satisfied with silver; nor he that loveth abundance with increase: this is also vanity.
11 When goods increase, they are increased that eat them: and what good is there to the owners thereof, saving the beholding of them with their eyes?
12 The sleep of a labouring man is sweet, whether he eat little or much: but the abundance of the rich will not suffer him to sleep.
13 There is a sore evil which I have seen under the sun, namely, riches kept for the owners thereof to their hurt.
14 But those riches perish by evil travail: and he begetteth a son, and there is nothing in his hand.
15 As he came forth of his mother’s womb, naked shall he return to go as he came, and shall take nothing of his labour, which he may carry away in his hand.
16 And this also is a sore evil, that in all points as he came, so shall he go: and what profit hath he that hath laboured for the wind?

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 30th, 2013
10:28 am

Marriage is a business transaction, make no mistake about it.

You’re tying yourself to someone else’s habits, history, and hard times (past, present, and future). One way to mitigate the issues are to have money, get money, or get on the same page.

Dealing with money ‘issues’ is the #1 reason people get divorced, and that problem comes (usually) because they didn’t have a discussion about money before the issues arose.

Mr_NYC

April 30th, 2013
10:30 am

That medical point is so true — almost without fail the very first question asked when you call for an appointment is “who is your insurance carrier” or they’re asking for your card as soon as you walk in the door. I remember one time paying cash for a visit and it was as if they didn’t have a procedure for handling that.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 30th, 2013
10:31 am

@Disco

You’re talking about dating, and as a stated cheapskate, you’da been really frustrated with a guy like me.

I (try to) stack cheddar like a food inspector.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 30th, 2013
10:33 am

Damn Celisea !!! Why you wanna go a toss me under da bus Like that????? :) :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Dqm3WNB4b4

Mr_NYC

April 30th, 2013
10:33 am

What about Ecclesiastes 10:19 – how does that fit into the discussion about money’s role and importance? I hear some folks use it to explain or justify their pursuit and display of material wealth.

Single and Happy

April 30th, 2013
10:33 am

dating a guy that has money but doesn’t want to come up off of it is almost as bad as dating the guy who doesn’t have any to begin with. lol. Have we meet?? why do I need to come up off it, get your own!!

disco

April 30th, 2013
10:34 am

court – I beg to differ. some of the seemingly most happy and content with their station in life folks that I know are broke as the ten commandments. some days I question why I work. so many folks who don’t have the same stuff I have without the added stressors of the grind.

celisea – why you have to throw court under the bus? lol.

Celisea

April 30th, 2013
10:35 am

Court – LOL..that wasn’t a personal jab. I just know somebody would have said “she’s breaking the rules, she’s breaking the rules, she’s breaking the rules!!!!” My baaad….carry on…please do :)

disco

April 30th, 2013
10:37 am

dan – I’m all for saving but that joker that just wants to save and count his savings and never go out and enjoy the fruits of his labor ain’t for me.

s/h – it’s that double standard. yeah I got my own but I won’t deny I’ll spend his first if I can. judge if you must but it is what it is. I’m all for equality and all that but the man that wants/expects a woman to spend on him is (and I’m borrowing here, I think from slim) wiggety whack.

Reio

April 30th, 2013
10:37 am

In the developed world, we can date with the expectation that money will be spent. Culturally, socially,economically….we have the means to do this. In developing nations, third world, this is not the case. Here we expect to see a movie, dinner, a show, shopping, beach…things that require money to access and enjoy. In the Congo, a date may be nothing more than two lovers sitting inside the tent ,side by side, listening to the elders tell stories about their own youth, while the campfire burns outside. No electricity in 2013. Still. But in that village, there is happiness. Laughter. Joy. But no money. In other words, one CAN be happy without money. There are unhappy pepole in Beverly Hills, California as well.

Celisea

April 30th, 2013
10:38 am

MrNYC – Don’t misunderstand, God is rich and all about blessing and having abundantly…not as a means to happiness and not ahead of him. Ever read “Thou shalt have no other Gods before” That ain’t just talking images. You need money to live and survive but you don’t need to buy happiness or someone’s happiness. Everything in perspective and in it’s rightful place. I’m all about making money, but I’m happy in the life I live of serving God.

MissMoni

April 30th, 2013
10:42 am

-Reio I’m not opposed to sitting in a tent, side by side, listening to the elders tell stories. I would like a snack or meal (depending on how long the elders are talking) to go along with this date. :-)