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Dating: Spring cleaning?

My friend Eva is back on the dating scene after ending her two year relationship.  Her first couple of dates with new guy are going pretty well.  After a fun at home date, new guy made a comment about a few signs of her ex that seemed to have lingered.

Apparently, Eva has not packed up old photos, got rid of his extra pair of running shoes, and oh yeah, his dog is still at her house.   From  his perspective, the ex is pretty present considering he is her past.  It is giving him the idea that her ex comes and goes as he pleases in her life and her house (she assured me this is not the case).

It got me to thinking about how important it is to do a cleansing after a relationship. A literal cleaning of the old life you had with them helps to move on.  Buy fresh sheets, take down couple pictures, and for the love of everything holy, return all pets.

Do you hold on to items from your last relationship?  If you are dating someone new, would you put conceal or get rid of something that is a symbol of your last relationship if it bothered them?

What kind of spring cleaning does your love life need?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

285 comments Add your comment

Exiled

April 24th, 2013
6:43 am

Eva is quick ain’t she??? Seems like she’s literally feeling the gushing wind down there….he he he.

His dog is still there(who feeds it) as well as his running shoes…so when he pops up to see the dog,he may as well get few lovie crumbs?

I think new dude is just a feeler(make him(old) jeolousy) type dude at this point.

That old relationship ain’t over yet!! Eva got no cleaning to do…not yet

As for Spring cleaning,that’s for girls.

Exiled

April 24th, 2013
6:46 am

Maybe SlimNu will tell us what Spring cleaning she planning on.

……….

Lee

April 24th, 2013
6:54 am

Spring cleaning should not be required if he/she are really gone either they took all their stuff or i threw it out. No need to keep pictures on the wall when something is over with.
Memries,
Like the corners of my mind
Misty water-colored memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures,
Of the smiles we left behind…..

MissMoni

April 24th, 2013
7:25 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!! *It’s Potluck Lunch day at work & I made HOMEMADE Potato Salad!!!* :-D

Do you hold on to items from your last relationship? I have a habit of detoxing/getting rid of items from past relationships. There are no visible pictures of me and any of my ex’s together. I do have the cards though, actually I have every card that I’ve ever gotten from anyone.

Ok moving on, the shoes & dog are a definite no go. Eva should let go and move forward in every area of her life. Spring Cleaning, just do it!!! :-)

Single and Happy

April 24th, 2013
7:30 am

Hello all

I see 2 problems here, Maybe Eva is not ready to let go of the past. And what’s new guy doing up in her house trying to regulate things after a couple of dates!!

Button

April 24th, 2013
8:17 am

Good morning, Do you hold on to items from your last relationship? Yes, I’m not getting rid of anything that I recieved from my past relationship! why should I? just because it’s over doesn’t mean I need to give back or trash memories or anything given to me. I’ll put it away depending on what it is but I won’t get rid of them. Should I get rid of jewlery? My ex has given me a mattress set, pots pans, kitchen stuff, wall art, blanket set and all kinds of stuff that I still use to this day and I don’t plan to get rid of it and my current doesn’t need to know the dinner I cook him came from the pot set my ex gave me.

NOw pets is another thing. I would give back the pet, that’s a tab bit too much for me. My opinion Eva is holding or allowing the dog to stay there in hope the ex will return or to keep the ex present in her life, the new dude is a pawn and how is he going to tell her how to run her house unless he’s already forking over $$.

Penelope

April 24th, 2013
8:29 am

Good morning peeps!!

Good riddance, always!!

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 24th, 2013
8:39 am

Morning peeps… Seems pretty clear to me….. Eva is using new dude as a space saver until old her and old dude can work out the kinks or until she worked out all of her issues with moving on… Either way, I hope the new dude is getting SOMETHING out of the deal. Damn shame to invest time, effort and money into a woman and have nothing to show for it when she puts his ass on waivers………..

Celisea

April 24th, 2013
8:59 am

Moving from one relationship to another is called transitioning…initially. So, my question is how long since the break-up? If a couple of weeks or a couple of months, I’d say it takes time. If it’s been a year or so, ummm you wrong Eva…lol Everyone is different in how they process things. Yeah, dudes may have an after thought of a past (done, no coming back) love, but for the most part, it’s over….snip, cut, done. Women, meeeeh we’re a bit different. We need time to “get over and move on.” Having said all that, I’m not gonna call foul just yet, as “two years” is a good bit of time to unravel, undo, cleanse, etc etc etc.

Now if it’s smashing and still communication and stuff going on? I’m calling foul. The dog still being there? I’m call foul (on that). But the new dude ain’t been there long enough to 1) be at her home and 2) calling any kind of shots. See, if she weren’t so anxious and allowing buddy to come over (so soon), he wouldn’t been privy to all the residual stuff she’s got goint on…lolol

disco

April 24th, 2013
8:59 am

good morning. in keeping with my “gold digger” mentality this is why you should request cash instead of gifts. lol. gifts you know specifically so and so bought that. cash, it’s all good. you bought it with your own money. it matters not that the money was a gift. lol.

single – that’s what I’m talking about. new guy can notice what he wants to notice and even comment on what he wants to comment on but he sure as heck won’t be calling shots up in my house.

button – some of my best gifts have been crockpots, vacuum cleaners, cast iron skillets, deep fryers, etc. heck naw I’m not getting rid of a daggone thing.

MyThoughtsAreMyOwn

April 24th, 2013
9:01 am

Good Morning MIA!

Yes, some (spring) cleaning needs to be completed after a relationship has run its course, but most of it should be internal. Those trinkets you gave or received can be stored if possible, returned, or trashed. Each person we meet has a his/her-story, we accept it and get to know the current version of that person.

With regard to the shoes and the pet, if he hasn’t come to get those things (within a reasonable time period) and she doesn’t want to claim the pet as her own – off to the humane society for the pet. Please recycle the gym shoes at one of the local sports fitness stores!

disco

April 24th, 2013
9:02 am

also, I’m not the type to allow personal items to stay in my house anyway. when you leave take what you brought with you. no, you can’t leave your toothbrush, a change of clothes, nothing. that’s what the trunk of your car is for. there will be no marking of my territory.

Button

April 24th, 2013
9:04 am

I was j/k about the $$ part. It seems the new dude is controlling. He should tell her how he feel about the dog situation and let her decide how she’ll handle the it. There’s some questions I have about the dog. Does the ex come to walk the dog? is his running shoes out in plain view? Did they part on good terms? were they living together and she’s waiting for him to get a place to for him and his dog? does the dog belong to the both of them? so many questions…..

Celisea

April 24th, 2013
9:04 am

“First couple of dates” and “after a fun home date” is running too close together for my taste. But, I’m not Eva and Eva’s gotta do what feels right for her. Side eye though at buddy hanging out so soon. IJS

I didn’t see where dude has invested enough of anything to “be getting something out of it.” I don’t get that one. It’s been a couple of dates, and really he’s ahead of the game cause he’s hanging out at her place sooooo, seems to me he might be smashing soon, if not already. What else does he need to get out of him. Hanging out at the house requires nothing but his presence. I’m all about quid pro quo, so WHAT IS HE BRINGING….other than himself?? IJS

Celisea

April 24th, 2013
9:08 am

Other than himself and his observations??? He actually mentioned to her (in order for her to mention to Diva). Idda been like look buddy, you just enjoy the visit. Don’t worry about all the others. They ain’t locked in anyway…that Diva mentioned, right? IJS

disco

April 24th, 2013
9:10 am

celisea – I was going to ignore the post about what he gets out of it. lol. my initial thought was outside of a wet D (which doesn’t last that long), he’s likely walking away with nothing but you never know. lol. speaking of which, did you see deceived where dude (the sweetheart swindler) got those chicks for all their loot? I couldn’t even feel sorry for the woman who sold her house and put the money in a joint account with dude. you get what you get sometimes.

Button

April 24th, 2013
9:10 am

disco – I know that’s right :lol: I love my pot set and all the other stuff I recieved over the course of 7 years. Heck naw, now folks need to be real and know that the new person coming in is not fresh out of his mama’s cuttie and that they do have a past which comes with memories and gifts and such. There’s one thing to flaunt what your got from your ex and then there’s another thing to be respectful and put things away if you know it may cause problems.

SinusSlimNu

April 24th, 2013
9:12 am

Morning, I feel like a 400lb chick is sitting on my face right now. Sinus cold :cry:

Ex – So far I’ve removed his picture as well as the most recent card he gave me off my desk at work. But he’s still heavy on my heart though ;-)

I’m going to try to toughen out this work day but I’ve been up since about 3 this morning, unable to breathe.

Reio

April 24th, 2013
9:13 am

First of all, it’s her house. If she wants to keep sheet from an old relationship for the next 264 years, she can, it’s her house. Secondly, new guy can not like it, second date, fourth date, or forty third date, it’s still her house. Tell new guy to shut up about it. Should new guy decide to bring it up again, new guy is on the street. Same day. Period. That simple. Let him go elsewhere and redecorate. She should remove items, memorabilia… at her own pace, not new guy’s. New guy ain’t runnin nothin. And that’s a fact.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 24th, 2013
9:13 am

Good morning,

I don’t really know the specifics or the people, but I’ve given this advice to a number of women that I dated.

If we’re chilling, but I still see the Glamour shot photo’s of you and ole boy everywhere, that’s a problem.

You hold onto what you can’t (or don’t want to) forget.

The pictures, his shoes, *his* dog, really? The dude is still present in your mind as he is in your house, and as stated yesterday, the D is territorial. So I would have given her the same advice and told her to have a happy life.

Celisea

April 24th, 2013
9:14 am

disco – Exactly. You hanging out, at her spot, eating her food (probably), flushing her toilet, washing your hands (hopefully) in her bathroom, sitting on her furniture, watching her tv, (and if y’all smashed) using her bed. Again, outside of his presence, what else he’s bringing? Giggles and smooches and “good times” are all intangibles. Like I said, quid pro quo….lololol

I don’t think I saw that one, but I’m with you. How you let a dude in like that to take allll your stuff? I can’t say I don’t feel empathy at been bamboozled, but I will way, I’on understand that? With every deceiver come signs. Some folks’ “thirsty” causes soooo many things to go wrong.

MsAtl

April 24th, 2013
9:18 am

Morning All!

There would not be a home date after a couple of dates. Whatever works for Eva, but that is too soon to let a man up in my house. When he did get in there, he would not be calling the shots or telling me what to get rid of. That said, When I separated from my ex, I packed up his stuff. As far as wedding photos, family photos and the like, I was not throwing them away. I gave the wedding album to our oldest child. Some of the other albums are packed away. When I found items straggling behind, I offered them to him and if not accepted, I tossed them. I did wear my ring (on my right hand) because it was a pretty little bauble, but stopped wearing it when I began dating.
Oh yeah; Eva needs to give back that dog…

MissMoni

April 24th, 2013
9:18 am

-Button/Disco I can agree with keeping things like crockpots, vacuum cleaners and things like that. Heck, I have a vacuum cleaner now that was a gift, LOL! I was moreso talking along the lines of things like pictures still in the frame on the mantel OR stuffed animals from Valentine’s Day still sitting on the bed. Like Disco said, when you leave take your stuff with you!!!

Celisea

April 24th, 2013
9:19 am

I have two things from old loves….a card that was just soooo special to me (at that time) and how it all went down my old betroth’s ring :mrgreen: I will NEVER get rid of them.

It’s just a card? No, nuh uh. It was so unexpected and I was “there” emotionally but hadn’t said it, neither had he. It sort of segued us into the next steps. It’s what he wrote.

Everything else? Chile I couldn’t tell you. I’ve moved over the years and if I’m not toting it from house to house, it’s in the trash…lolol

disco

April 24th, 2013
9:21 am

a friend called me last night to tell me her little dude showed up at her house with his two sisters (he has no car) and some garbage bags to collect his stuff. lol. dude even had the nerve to get fly and tell her that he was leaving her. I laughed too hard.

MsAtl

April 24th, 2013
9:22 am

Disco- I am laughing at those garbage bags!

MissMoni

April 24th, 2013
9:22 am

-Disco Please know I’m LMBO at dude showing up with the garbage bags talking bout he leaving her. I’m sure your friend WON’T miss him, LOL!!!

Celisea

April 24th, 2013
9:24 am

No car, with is posse (i.e. sisters) and garbage bags? Ummm yeah, please leave me. Who shows up with their kinfolks (outside of an all out rumble)…IJS

DreamsMaterialize

April 24th, 2013
9:24 am

Morning
Given what we have to go on from the story, I’d say the ex is still smashing. People get really attached to their dogs, and I don’t see someone just leaving it behind. Shoot, people fight over their dogs in a divorce settlement like they do kids. Also, I don’t see in the story where new dude was trying to regulate or call shots. Seems like he might have noticed men’s shoes, dog, and pictures as if someone else still lived there. He probably just asked “Oh is that the ex in the shrine pics?”; “Did you order some running shoes and get sent the wrong size?”; “Hmm the dog seems really attached to those running shoes.” lol

Anyway, a chick can have whatever she wants in her house. I don’t raise adults. I can, though, decide what I want to do with the situation as is. If I don’t like what I’m seeing, then I bounce.

Celisea

April 24th, 2013
9:26 am

I will say though, my boo has never seen the card or the ring. I keep them tucked away :mrgreen:

disco

April 24th, 2013
9:29 am

celisea – he needed his sisters to drive him there and drive him back. plus he’s moving in with one of them. you know I was laughing the whole while she was telling me the story. personally, if it was my brother I would have been coaching him on what to say to her to make it right because he sure as heck ain’t coming to stay with me. lol.

DuShawn

April 24th, 2013
9:30 am

I visited a potnah of mine a while back. He has been divorced for several years. I couldn’t help but notice he still had their wedding pictures hanging on his wall (the big poster size, professionally framed joints). I thought that was odd and asked him about it. He explained, upon the divorce he got the house, she got the kids. The pictures had always been there during the marriage. He kept them there so when the kids visited it would still seem like home. I still thought it was a little weird, but hey, that’s his house.

Celisea

April 24th, 2013
9:33 am

disco – I got that part. I’m just saying what grown, supposedly in a relationship man is leaning on his sisters to “catch a ride?” I might would have a little more respect if he would have gotten his boys or one of his boys to give him a ride. Spot him a $20 to run him by there. Shoot, taking the bus there to “get his stuff” is better than his sisters…lolol

disco

April 24th, 2013
9:35 am

dreams – I see it all too often though. some men got real good game and some chicks are just plain simple. when the two meet some interesting things happen. lol. I mentioned the friend who got involved with her co-workers brother. now she’s all in love with him but he’s unemployed and officially living with his sister but sleeping at her house most nights. he drives her to work in her car and drops her off every day. plus he’s pushing her to put her adult kids out. granted, I push her to put them out too but his motive is so that he can officially move in and be a stay at home boyfriend.

okay C – gotcha. in essence, he should have called tyrone. lol.

Celisea

April 24th, 2013
9:36 am

Not saying I won’t ever have to take the bus (I shole hope not..never say never)…not snubbing that….just saying I’d rather do that than to “get my momma nem” to help me out. She should be happy about that breakup…lololol

Celisea

April 24th, 2013
9:37 am

disco – Yuuup….lololol

Celisea

April 24th, 2013
9:38 am

his motive is so that he can officially move in and be a stay at home boyfriend

LOLOLOL…you got jokes this morning, I see…

Button

April 24th, 2013
9:40 am

Dushawn – in my selfish self-centered days I dated a guy who had a picture just like what you described of your potnah at his house. I walked in and the first thing I saw was this ginormous picture on the wall with her eyes looking dead at me. lolol It freaked me out. I told him if he wanted me to come back, that picture has to come down. well the picture did come down but we didn’t last but two hot seconds. Dude was crazy.

disco

April 24th, 2013
9:42 am

celisea – no jokes. real life.

I know another chick who bought a new construction home. moved boyfriend in and he didn’t like the finishes. she re-did floors, countertops, repainted, etc. to his liking. he didn’t help pay. he didn’t contribute to living expenses. he just lived with her for a couple of years, stacked chips and moved out and married someone else. I remember one time they had an argument when out and he put her out of her own car. I was too through on that one.

MissMoni

April 24th, 2013
9:45 am

-Disco I just CAN’T with your 9:42. The sad part is that I know this really happened, it’s just sickening that she put up with it!!!

Button

April 24th, 2013
9:48 am

disco – wow, just wow—-see stuff like that almost always happen with most women going all out for a guy and he up and marries someone else.

abc

April 24th, 2013
9:54 am

I don’t save any artifacts; I don’t have a single possession that is left over from any exes. I don’t tolerate any artifacts, either. Gone is gone. I’m here, they’re gone, period.

DreamsMaterialize

April 24th, 2013
9:55 am

I see it all too often though. some men got real good game and some chicks are just plain simple. when the two meet some interesting things happen.
disco Yeah “interesting” is downplaying it. Some downright unbelievable sh!t happens. lol

disco

April 24th, 2013
9:56 am

button – I know a sidepiece chick who had a baby by a married dude. she stayed in her lane though and didn’t disrupt things. his wife died and old girl that she would be upgraded. she wasn’t. she dropped her kid off with the dude and moved out of town.

abc

April 24th, 2013
10:01 am

She left her child with a deadbeat dad? What’s up with that?!

Button

April 24th, 2013
10:01 am

disco – smh I want to feel sorry for the side pieces, lawd knows I do and I know I’ve been one myself —but it comes a time when you know that you know that you’re not his main one and only so why not just walk away with some dignity.

Leggs

April 24th, 2013
10:04 am

I think one should “spring clean” after a relationship is over. Take down the pics, throw out or give shoes away, give him back his dog, etc.

However, first fun date at house and he’s scanning the house like a detective mentioning things that seem out of place for him. Throw him out the window.

Just kidding.

SinusSlim

April 24th, 2013
10:05 am

What do sidepieces hope to get out of being a sidepiece? (especially when they know the dude is not going to leave his family & wife)

disco

April 24th, 2013
10:06 am

abc – he wasn’t a deadbeat. he just cheated on his wife (not my place to judge). so what he didn’t want the sidepiece chick to be his real woman? he’s entitled. he’s raising the kid, she’s living her life. it is what it is.

DuShawn

April 24th, 2013
10:06 am

Years ago I fell in love with this chick and we moved in together. We bought an English bulldog puppy and name it Chaka. When we split, I let her keep the dog. Occasionally, I would ask if it was cool to stop by to see it. Whenever she went out of town she would ask me to keep it. We used the dog as an excuse to communicate with one another. I miss that girl……….the dog that is.