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Dating: The jealousy test

One of my guy friends has a girlfriend who has a bad habit of intentionally flirting in front of him.  Thomas said that he believed it started as something harmless that she would do in a joking way.   Lately, he is starting to think she is doing it to get a reaction out of him.

Thomas can be laid back and relaxed and it takes a lot to get a “reaction” out of him.  I believe this is the kind of thing he would dump a girl over.  He said that he is used to women putting him through little tests, but this jealousy test is not something that sits well with him.

I can’t imagine putting that much energy into making a man jealous, but I suppose this is a way to get some attention.

How would you handle a date that purposely tried to make you jealous?  Would that be a deal breaker?  How do you know when it has gone too far?

Do you think jealousy has its place  in a relationship?  Is there such a thing as a healthy dose of jealousy to “show” you still care?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

261 comments Add your comment

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 23rd, 2013
2:29 pm

@Robert – good luck with that.

My wife has learned (unfortunately, the hard way) to tell me about guys flirting with her after we’ve left the area – like in the car headed home left the area.

And it’s not because I’m jealous, insecure, or anything like that; the D is territorial. I establish dominance and control the 5 feet around me at all timee.

Smart dudes see me with my wife and IMMEDIATELY avert their eyes. The one kid that didn’t….had some ’splaining to do; his boyfriend assured me I had nothing to worry about.

MissMoni

April 23rd, 2013
2:30 pm

-Durty I have reeled it in ALOT, LOL!!! ;-)

Button

April 23rd, 2013
2:30 pm

Durty – When we’re out and about, he’s always getting commenting him on his eye lashes. the women go insane over them. He’s got the most beautiful eye lashes like John Stamos. aaaaahhhhh

czBrat ♀

April 23rd, 2013
2:31 pm

lmao @ slim. i don’t even like s/o calling ME pet names. i would certainly raise a brow if he threw them around all willy nilly.

MissMoni

April 23rd, 2013
2:33 pm

LMBO at “his boyfriend assured me I had nothing to worry about.” Dan that is HILARIOUS!!!

SlimNu

April 23rd, 2013
2:34 pm

his boyfriend assured me I had nothing to worry about.

Dan – Heyal naw! :lol:

czBrat lololol It throws me off when stangers refer to me in pet names especially, Ma. lol

czBrat ♀

April 23rd, 2013
2:34 pm

dan 2.29, i’ve learned to be selective with which “incidents” i share with s/o. only the ones i know i can get him to laugh off.

Button

April 23rd, 2013
2:34 pm

czBrat – Sounds good. I’m feeling that $2 taco night. I’ll have to check them out. Thanks

czBrat ♀

April 23rd, 2013
2:37 pm

slim, you probably get a healthy dose of the same thing i go through (give our work environments). dudes call me “sweetheart”, “precious”, “darling” … you name it. i often wonder if there’s a wife within earshot.

button, every monday. and believe it or not, they take reservations. highly recommended if you plan to arrive after 7.

Durty Burd

April 23rd, 2013
2:39 pm

O.K. MissMoni just a little flirting is o.k., I am not the jealous type, but I will keep a side eye on you.lol

Button you should be happy because he is with you and not jealous because the ladies are flirting with him.

Man it is too many down low brothers in the A. Ladies you have it tough, if dude wants you to touch the butt, run for the hills and don’t look back.

Exiled

April 23rd, 2013
2:41 pm

Dang Slim,that was a typo. :lol:

Now I am laughing! :lol:

MissMoni

April 23rd, 2013
2:41 pm

-Durty I see you’re on a roll today, LOL!!!

Button

April 23rd, 2013
2:42 pm

czBrat -reservations??! wow it’s like that? I’ll keep that in mind.

Leggs

April 23rd, 2013
2:43 pm

“If past lovers can remain really good friends, they’re either still in love or never were” – Is this for both parties? I’m good friends with my ex now, he may still be in love with me, but I’m not, perhaps I never was. It doesn’t matter, but the statement has some depth to it.

SlimNu ~ that’s what I coin it “sweet nothings.” If you can “baby” “sweetie” “honey” others in front of me, the strength of using those same words on me has been diluted. JMO.

Button

April 23rd, 2013
2:44 pm

Durty – I’m not jealous at all about the compliments he receives on his long eye lashes, it feels good to see other women admiring/oohing over what I stare into everyday!

Robert

April 23rd, 2013
2:45 pm

“Flirting” -
This past weekend I was at the Dogwood festival at Piedmont Park. The weather was nice and people from all walks of life took advantage to be outside and enjoy the food and music. I was sitting on the grass watching a jazz band minding my own business when I was approached by 2 gay men. One of the guys started to “flirt” with me and I could tell his friend was a little jealous. I am “gay friendly” and I told him that I was flattered, but I am “Straight”. He told me thank you for being honest and polite. Guys, have you ever been “flirted” on with a gay guy? How did you handle it?

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 23rd, 2013
2:47 pm

Since I’m sharing:

My wife is the jealous type, but proper.

So watching her “politely discourage” women that flirt with me is entertaining. I end up asking her “what just happened?” or “DIMS?”

Button

April 23rd, 2013
2:47 pm

Durty – I think jealousy ( a lil bit) is good for a relationship. Although I’ve never heard the term “healthy dose” I can see what it means after giving it some thought. It keeps things into prespective and help you to realize what you have. jmo

cba

April 23rd, 2013
2:48 pm

Slim- I had a colonoscopy (sp?) a few months ago and the day after the nurse called and asked how I was doing. I said I’m fine and she said, ” ok baby if you have any problems call”. It is common for southern white ladies to say “hon” all day long to their customers but I thought it was unusual for a nurse. I was thinking, you just saw my nekkid behind and now you saying baby. I bet if I were caught looking at her behind while I was nekkid, she probably would have felt uneasy.

Button

April 23rd, 2013
2:49 pm

Robert – what is gay friendly?

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 23rd, 2013
2:50 pm

@Robert

See also the last paragraph of my 2:29.

I’m not “gay friendly,” so much as ‘do what you feel, just don’t try me.’

Exiled

April 23rd, 2013
2:55 pm

I am not cool with women calling me ’sweetie’ ..but I ignore it because it is very common.

Now ‘darlin’ is something else.if a woman says that to be,first she gotta be phoine…but more importantly I almost conclude that she creeps…

Darlin is a term I use mostly when our appendages are locked and entangled and making us both speak in S p e a n e e s h! :lol:

Exiled

April 23rd, 2013
2:57 pm

gay friendly?

what does that mean?

Robert

April 23rd, 2013
2:58 pm

“What is gay friendly” –

I try to treat people the way I want to be treated (respect, courtesy, honesty, etc.). I have “gay & lesbian” family members, friends and neighbors. We live in the 21st Century and there is no place for hatred, fear and bigotry.

SlimNu

April 23rd, 2013
3:00 pm

If you can “baby” “sweetie” “honey” others in front of me, the strength of using those same words on me has been diluted.

Leggs – Totally agree there…

cba – I would think that the medical field would have a different set of protocol with that very thing. Ok, this may be a bit of TMI but I got my yearly pap done about a month or so ago. There was an intern in the room doing the exam along with the doctor. So basically, I got everything checked twice lol Anyway, when it came time for the pootie check, the intern was about to start doing her thang but instead of moving the lips, she put touched the cl!t instead. The doctor jumped in soooooo fast and was like, “You NEVER NEVER EVER NEVER touched the cli toris, ever!” :shock:

kimmie

April 23rd, 2013
3:01 pm

Dan – His boyfriend, I love it!!! LOL!!

Brat – I’m selective as well!! No use stirring up ish!!!

MissMoni

April 23rd, 2013
3:03 pm

-Leggs I totally agree with the words being diluted after using them with everyone else.

-SlimNu The situation you described can so go in SEVERAL different directions. . . I’m glad the doctor jumped in, LOL!!!

Exiled

April 23rd, 2013
3:05 pm

Robert…do u have to be outwardly ‘gay friendly’? Why not ‘people friendly’?

at least not show animosity to anybody,gay or str8?

‘Gay friendly’ considering how u used that term and the episode u describe sounds like it means if the women are in short supply,u don’t mind tossing it?

:lol:

Exiled

April 23rd, 2013
3:07 pm

Which u are entitled to by the way.

SlimNu

April 23rd, 2013
3:07 pm

MissMoni – LOL It was crazy to me because I had never even thought about that. Guess I can’t recall ever having a doctor touch me there. But even when the intern was doing the breast exam, she was not talking. You know how they chat with you while feeling you all up. Well the doc made her stop and told her she cannot do an exam like without talking to the patient because it makes it awkward. She did it first in silence to show her how weird it can be. Then she showed her the right way in that she needed a spill of what to say at that time. “So are you doing your monthly exams yourself? Are you familiar with how to conduct them, post and pre-menstrual?”

Robert

April 23rd, 2013
3:10 pm

@Exiled – “sounds like it means if the women are in short supply,u don’t mind tossing it?”

What do you know about “tossing it”. Have you ever been to prison and “tossed a salad”? Did you spend all your time in PC (punk city). I meant no disrespect to the gay community. Your comments are offensive and serve no other purpose but to satisfy your immature mind.

MissMoni

April 23rd, 2013
3:10 pm

-SlimNu It is awkward when a doctor does not have proper bedside manner (no pun intended). It’s also awkward when they have too much bedside manner. I don’t want to have a whole bunch of small talk while getting a Pap.

Celisea

April 23rd, 2013
3:13 pm

Anyway, when it came time for the pootie check, the intern was about to start doing her thang but instead of moving the lips, she put touched the cl!t instead

That should have brought the entire thing to a screeching halt. They kept going? You stayed there??? Ummm, my clothes would have been on so fast it would have made their heads spin. Just wow. Not sure how you endured that, but I would have been something hot.

She did it first in silence to show her how weird it can be. Then she showed her the right way in that she needed a spill of what to say at that time

Unprofessional. You NEVER reprimand an associate out in the open like that. Never heard of someone getting shown how to do it right, in front of clients. That’s waaaay off the mark.

Bluzgirl

April 23rd, 2013
3:13 pm

I’m guilty of saying “sweetie” and “darlin” to men I don’t know. I guess it could be considered flirting, but I don’t really mean it that way…

Celisea

April 23rd, 2013
3:14 pm

I don’t want to have a whole bunch of small talk while getting a Pap.

Precisely. My doc does it to ease the whole pap thing, but it’s not required. I would be finding me another GYN….seriously.

Celisea

April 23rd, 2013
3:15 pm

She did it first in silence to show her how weird it can be. Then she showed her the right way in that she needed a spill of what to say at that time

And then all the practicing and the in and outs and the “now you do it”…you stayed for all that???? Nooo way in hades, Idda been off the table with that first C stroke. Nuh uh

Celisea

April 23rd, 2013
3:16 pm

Sounds like we need to Call WSB TV for that. IJS Whew buddy

Durty Burd

April 23rd, 2013
3:17 pm

MissMoni I would create a special name for you! :wink:

DuShawn

April 23rd, 2013
3:21 pm

“have you ever been “flirted” on with a gay guy?…………How ironic you should ask that. I feel as if I have been with a gay guy today………….I had a full physical this morning, including a prostate examine. My azz hole has been feeling strange and uncomfortable all day.

czBrat ♀

April 23rd, 2013
3:25 pm

slim, leggs – that’s probably it. s/o is in the habit of calling his female relatives “baby” or “sweetheart”. i think that affected my comfort level with the pet names early on. not to mention he only falls into the “baby” when he’s talking to someone like they’re a moron. uh-uh. you can just cut that sh!t out right now!!

lol @ kimmie. call me a liar for withholding info if you wish, but there are some convos i just ain’t interested in having. likewise, i respect him enough to allow him to be a grown-up about what i need to know and what i don’t.

moni, my first pap (age 17) doc told me i had baby-making hips. it was all i could do to hold back tears and get the he!! outta there. i felt so violated.

Button

April 23rd, 2013
3:27 pm

Dushawn – lol I heard that once a man has been “touched” he will always want to be “touched”

Exiled

April 23rd, 2013
3:27 pm

Robert?

U been to prison urself…that’s why u seem offended by a topic u introduced.

I have not been that ‘lucky’to go to prison and be forcibly made to toss it.. :lol:

I was once told on here that u can’t ask a former inmate that question :lol:

These prisons arent ‘good’ then..u do crime,gp to prison as punishment then come back with a saggy azz! :lol:

SlimNu

April 23rd, 2013
3:28 pm

Celisea – I know it sounds bad but it really wasn’t especially since all that was established ahead of time. Now if it had been a male doc, then I most definitely wouldn’t have went along with it.

Robert

April 23rd, 2013
3:29 pm

Ladies, educated us guys and tell us what is a “pap smear” exam and why do women have to get one annually?

MissMoni

April 23rd, 2013
3:29 pm

-Durty I’ll keep that in mind, LOL!!!

SlimNu

April 23rd, 2013
3:31 pm

my first pap (age 17) doc told me i had baby-making hips

czBrat – The doc told me I had the healthiest va jay jay she’s seen in a long time. Thanks, i think :? ??” :lol:

Celisea

April 23rd, 2013
3:31 pm

Slim – Gotcha. I would have smacked that chick’s hand…lol Okay, I was gonna recommend mine :) He’s good but waaaay up in Alpharetta. Thanksfully I don’t have to make that drive often. Been with him 19 years. He’s been married, had kids, now grown kids, divorced and newly booed in all that time.

My doc ALWAYS says “relaxed your butt”….I just hate going all in with a stranger. And he’s talking up a storm and asking me about the company I work for, or did I hear something on the new or what happened/discussed at the conference he attends annually with a gang of other doctors.

czBrat ♀

April 23rd, 2013
3:32 pm

really, robert? ever heard of the internet?

Celisea

April 23rd, 2013
3:33 pm

Rob, google it.

Celisea

April 23rd, 2013
3:33 pm

Me thinks that was an opening to get fresh