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What Happened To DATING?

Hello everyone! Today we have guest bloggers. That’s right, plural. The blogging duo includes my sister and her friend Brian. Check out what they had to say then weigh in: What do you think happened to the art of dating?

I guess it would be extremely appropriate for me to define dating before I continue.  In my opinion, dating is how you get to know someone with whom you may be interested in pursuing a relationship.  Dating used to be the initial phase and was followed by exclusivity (becoming monogamous).  Then “talking” replaced “dating” and dating became exclusive.

Enough of the history lesson!  Nowadays, there is not much dating going on. People are going from hello to hookup! Now, I may be old fashioned, but I when I was dating, I wanted to know enough about a girl to make sure she had been a girl her whole life.  I mean, at least tell me your last name.  Show me some baby pictures or something!

Dating was an art form.  In most cases, a man had to formulate his “rap” to approach a woman who probably already knew whether she was impressed with him or not.  Regardless of how she felt, he was allowed to pursue and validate the things he said as truth.  This gave a woman the chance to prove the man to be Prince Charming or just another tired dude.

Ladies, there is nothing wrong with dating more than one man at a time. I don’t understand why ladies think there is something wrong with that.  Now clearly, I’m

not saying you have to sleep with all of them. That is not a good idea Dating is a lost art. Dating should be fun and  it shouldn’t be a hassle. The best way to get to know a person is to date.

Let me caution you as Brian has: Sex changes every relationship. So before you complicate a relationship slow down and get to know the person first. There is no reason to make life harder.

In some ways, society has placed this pressure on women that they must be married by 25 or 30. Many marriages have ended because they did not take the time to get to know the person they were marrying. The divorce rate is high enough, let’s not add to it. Let’s take the time to get to know someone. Who knows? It might be fun!

By Wise Diva, and guest bloggers for Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

166 comments Add your comment

Exiled

April 17th, 2013
6:44 am

Technology makes it much easier to get to ‘know’ somebody nowadays:their last name,family,school they went to,where they live etc. By the time you go on a date,you have already googled them,Linkedin them,facebooked and Instagramed and Myspaced(???) them do much so that you already know what they’re about. You have already made up your mind that you want to sleep with her!
….then maybe get to see her more and more!

Socializing has happened virtually before you actually physically,socialize! Hello!!! :lol:

See…..technology makes access that much easier!

We can’t go back to the old days when one had to go thru intermediaries,maybe write and mail a letter,introducing oneself,schedule a date,wear ur Sunday best,go to her house …yada yada…it was an even in itself. That’s too old.

They invented the microwave for fast and easy cooking,mobile phone,email and text and social media. You know a girl before u meet her.

Heck nowadays,chics send a pic of the (u know what) before the smash! :lol:

There!

Good morning MIA!

Exiled

April 17th, 2013
6:45 am

Penelope

April 17th, 2013
7:03 am

Hello, peeps!

@Exiled: Because you looked a woman up, you make up your mind to sleep with her? Where dey do dat at? Never ever heard of such. That sounds more along the lines of stalking. jmo

Dating still exists. The hubs did full pursuit before we became betrothed. If you won’t require a courtship, of course dating first and leading into, then you will not get it. I absolutely agree with getting to know someone first!

y’all be sweet and have a great day!

MissMoni

April 17th, 2013
7:29 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

“Dating was an art form.” I definitely agree with this statement!

Button

April 17th, 2013
8:23 am

Good morning, what happended to dating? nothing, it’s still happening, it’s just that some people have become lazy in doing it the proper way. I’ve dated guys who wanted to go from hello to the pillow without even wanting to know anything about me, let alone I didn’t know anything about them. I’m old fashioned for the most part, so moving too fast with anything is too much for me to handle.

The divorce rate may be higher than it should be but, people are still getting married.

Yes, it is fun getting to know someone, ep if it’s the right someone.

Hazel

April 17th, 2013
8:23 am

@ the guest bloggers. Everything you said is very true. However, the dating scene today is not the same. Not with the current young age group at least. No one has time to follow the “guidelines” of dating, and like someone else said here today, the socialmedia factor plays a role in dating too. What will help however, if having certain standards that you will not compromise with and make it clear then maybe. Dating has changed and opening doors,the guy picking up the tab, calling you to see if you made it some safely are simply becoming a myth.

MissMoni

April 17th, 2013
8:24 am

-Penelope We are vibing this morning!!! If you want a courtship, you definitely have to require it.

It’s 2013, don’t assume anything and let a potential date know what you expect upfront!!!

Button

April 17th, 2013
8:37 am

Hazel – I agree @ last entry. I have family and friends who are 30ish and younger. Their way of dating sure is a jaw dropper. Everything is a hook up, Facebooking and texting. Who text for a first date?? Some of them are so lost it’s a shame.

Single and Happy

April 17th, 2013
8:38 am

Not with the current young age group at least. No one has time to follow the “guidelines” of dating, you can blame this on social media, but it’s the parents fault, back in the day you didn’t go out on a date until you had meet the parents and did the Sunday night couch sit a few times, then you had to ask permission. Now we would rather take them to the mall and drop them off.

For me dating will always be getting to know someone. Believe or not people google will not tell you everything, some may be like me, just not that much information out there.

Button

April 17th, 2013
8:46 am

Single – parents fault?? how so? maybe you’re referring to the teenagers and not the ones above the legal drinking age.

We can’t really blame social media, it’s not like it’s a prerequisit to life. We live in an accelerated society. Everything is at the speed of light.

Single and Happy

April 17th, 2013
8:51 am

Button if the parents showed them how to date when they were in the home, they wouldn’t be texting for a first date when they got above the legal drinking age.

Button

April 17th, 2013
8:55 am

Single – good arguement but, with most children living and or being raised by single parents who themselves don’t know the first thing about dating. well whatcha gone do?

Single and Happy

April 17th, 2013
8:58 am

Button once again, somewhere down the line the cycle was broken, kids just didn’t start getting raised by single parents!

Celisea

April 17th, 2013
9:03 am

WHAT HAPPENED TO DATING

Not a dern thing…lol :mrgreen: Dating and courting is alive and well!

Look, everything is on you, what you require, what you desire. Bump all that other stuff that folks are talking, i.e. microwave society, social media (blogs included), quick fast and in a hurry, blah blah blah….. Here I go getting all cliched and stuff, but if you don’t set a standard and keep with it, that’s on you. If you don’t know to set a standard, it’s on your parents. The art of courting and dating is stll alive for those that require it. My myself? I’on do microwave anything…not even at home :)

With all the hoopla surrounding social media and how grrrreat it’s become, you only have yourself to blame if you fall for the head pic, smash, expect a love to come of that.

Personaly, I’m trying my darndest to pass along those values to my kid. This younger generation seems lost almost and ain’t really feeling “old school.” I teach it, you decide. You decide? You deal with it. I can’t walk a path for another, but I can dang shole pass along what I was taught.

Button

April 17th, 2013
9:04 am

Single – I get what you’re saying but no matter how a parent raise/teach their kids about dating/ life they can and have gone astray.

Hazel

April 17th, 2013
9:05 am

@ Button – I won’t say its all their parents fault. There are so many factors that make you, who you are. But it does help to have certain standards at home that you carry out in the dating scene too. I only brought the man (only one) I deemed worthy to my parents after 2 years of dating. Its a cultural thing with me too thought. Either way, you are soo right about “jaw ropper”. Im glad im not in the “scene”.
@Single&Happy – Yes, google does not tell you everything. Somethings on there are also misleading.

Single and Happy

April 17th, 2013
9:10 am

button some will always go astray but the majority will adhere to their teachings just like we did.

Hazel I googled myself and it had me living in places I’ve never been, and close relatives I’ve never heard of. But I have never googled anybody I meet, I’d rather find out the ole fashion way.

Button

April 17th, 2013
9:11 am

Hazel – It’s not always the parents fault for a child to go against what they have been taught OR what they should’ve been taught. But we’re going to lean more on the probable cause that parents do teach their kids how to date but in actuality most do not. Just like teaching them the coveted term “birds and the bees”. Heck most parents don’t even date each other to show their kids how to date. NO affection in the home. So where do you get what you know? from the streets.

Celisea

April 17th, 2013
9:11 am

What amazes me are those folks cool hooking up based on skyping or a pic but don’t know a dern thing about that person.

A dude sent me a head pic but forget to tell about the rest of him :shock: Ummmm, right I’m not doing nothing until I “SEE” annnnnd more so, know. And even if I like what I see, I still gotta know. But, for that reason along, I AM NOT doing virtual anything….aside from work. lolol

That’s okay, Imma take a pass on the social stuff…lol I want a dude to pull up in the drive-way.

Button

April 17th, 2013
9:15 am

Single – yes, some not all. Out of the 100 people I surveyed as to who taught them how to date, only 3 said their parent. Most people learn dating from books or the streets. Why do you think sales on dating are so high with books and links on every corner?

MissMoni

April 17th, 2013
9:18 am

-Celisea “I want a dude to pull up in the drive-way.” That is not impossible. I met a past boyfriend because he literally knocked on my front door. He worked for the Dept. of Health & Environmental Services and was checking for a carbon monoxide leak. My friends would tease me and say that I’m the only person they knew who met a really nice guy in person without leaving my house, LOL!

Hazel

April 17th, 2013
9:19 am

@Singly&Happy – Scary right? Dunno if u watch “Married to Medicine”? but one of the physician has a mugshot online ( even though he was never convicted and didn’t even do anything) ..this is very misleading if you dind’t know the story. You would just assume that he is a lawbreaker
@Button – true. I guess one has to use their own judgement to avoid the negatives that one learns from the streets too. And you are right..i did NOT learn about anything that had anything to do with “birds and bees” from my parents. lol. It was the TV and the Indian soap operas and bollywood movies that I watched that influenced me in a lot of ways too

Coach

April 17th, 2013
9:22 am

Dating is lame, bottom line is women dont really respect a man who treats them well.
First off, you go on a date with a woman, and its Hennessy on your money, and Paul Masson on their money.

Second off, its take to long to get past the mask that people put up if you ever get past it.

Third and probably most important you dont know if the person is going out with you because they’re genuinely interested or if they’re just going out with because its free food and drinks or free concert or show or whatever.

P.S. Women seem to not really be interested or get bored with a man who is good to them or too nice. In order for her to be attracted to you, you have to be a heel.

Leggs

April 17th, 2013
9:25 am

Welcome Guest Bloggers!

I agree with the little history lesson on dating. I too ask “what happened to dating,” but I have noticed (while sitting in the cut (yesterday’s phrase) that too many are looking for that quick hookup. Not necessarily that same night, but quickly thereafter.

Dating is the time to get to know each other and determine if there’s enough interest to go forward. With so many beautiful, single people, many don’t want to take the time to get to know another. One little flaw is enough to go ghost. Too many fish in the sea. It’s a wonder how so many want to keep fishing but keep catching catfish.

I agree, Penelope, you have to know what you desire and not sette for anything less. What you do to get me in the beginning is what I require you do to keep me for the long haul (it goes both ways).

Mike P

April 17th, 2013
9:33 am

Hey All,

I don’t believe the problems with dating today are a result of the lazy. It has more to do with bad choices people are making these days, making decision without regards for the ramifications down the road. If you only choose a person because they’re fun or you are vibing with today, which says nothing about tomorrow, then you repeat the process over and over again. Your repeated choice for the same type of person, the wrong person, can devalue your worth in the eyes of someone you hold in much esteem. This higher caliber person sees you for your worth and decides how much or less time & effort to spend on you or how well the person treats you, probably thinking, “there’s no future here anyway so why apply so much effort?”

Think about it, a respectable, honest CEO of a valued company may work long and hard for the company, the person expects and does receive remuneration for his or her labor, but the same person most-likely wouldn’t perform at that same high level if he expected to only receive a salary much less then accustomed or worse, at or below subsistence level.

The problem with dating today isn’t’ labor (the lazy or the hard worker). The problem is simply supply and demand. There’s an artificiality-created, supply & demand inefficiency in the dating market. You got too many Corollas being marketed to AMG 155 buyers.

Real Talk!

Button

April 17th, 2013
9:43 am

Hazel – I learned the “birds and the bees” from tv and any other materials I got my hands on lol

Leggs

April 17th, 2013
9:48 am

“…and any other materials I got my hands on lol.” – Oh boy. I’m looking at my banana right now (lol).

Button

April 17th, 2013
9:50 am

Leggs – LOL whoaaaa…I’m going to keep those materials I used under lock and key. lol

daddy swiss

April 17th, 2013
9:52 am

RE: Texting for a date, etc. —

People haven’t changed. Technology has. You know why folks didn’t used to text to ask someone out on a date or look for dates on the internet? Because those things didn’t use to exist. I’m sure people had the same complaints about phoning to ask for a date when the telephone was first invented. Everybody always thinks things were so much nicer/more civilized back in “their day.” Sorry, but I gotta call BS. Times change. Deal with it. :)

Button

April 17th, 2013
9:56 am

Swiss – that’s because we had pagers/beepers back then and you had to know the code for “you wanna go on a date?” I kid I kid

Leggs

April 17th, 2013
9:58 am

Times change, agreed! Deal with it, not so much. The “art” of being courted should never change even with the advent of modern technology. You still should use your mouth to ask someone out on a date and not a text message. Just because texting is available, doesn’t mean you have to abuse it. After a date you should still use your mouth and say thank you and not wait until you close your front door then sit on the couch and send a text saying “thank you.”

Celisea

April 17th, 2013
9:59 am

People haven’t changed.

Nope, shole haven’t and texting ain’t the make or break. Matter fact technology ain’t the issue either, it’s a lack of standard or not knowing what it means to set a standard.

Celisea

April 17th, 2013
10:00 am

I’m all about moving forward, but just know, don’t step if you don’t know how. Text me and let me know you’re on the way, on a call, running late, I’m cool with alllll of that. Still, be a man about yours and how you deal. Now, deal with that!! :mrgreen:

Hazel

April 17th, 2013
10:04 am

funny but true. One can say a lot more thru a text then with actual words. You just get more gutsy with the text

daddy swiss

April 17th, 2013
10:08 am

Leggs — For the record, I’m with you on that. But I also recognize that I only feel that way because texting/etc. wasn’t around in my formative years. For folks who group up with it, it’s completely natural to text for just about anything. I’m sure 18th century folks would be appalled to note that today almost no one writes long, formal, hand-written letters to one another. And even though the notion is quaint, we don’t do it because we don’t have to anymore. There are faster/easier ways to communicate and we’ve adapted accordingly.

So, it’s not really accurate to suggest that those who use different techniques from us “don’t know how” to court. It’s more accurate to say that the nature of courting always has and always will change from generation to generation. Basically, we’re all just more comfortable with someone who shares our way of thinking, nothing more.

daddy swiss

April 17th, 2013
10:08 am

*grew up with it — not group up

abc

April 17th, 2013
10:18 am

Seems to me the ‘dating decline’ thing is pretty much relegated to Mellenials, maybe a bit of Gen Y. More mature folks are the same as they’ve ever been. To me, it’s just another sign of contemporary cultural decline. There’s lots.

Leggs

April 17th, 2013
10:19 am

daddyswiss ~ I understand. People take texting to the extreme when a voice to voice conversation would fit better. Your point on handwritten letters is on point, just like sending “thank you” notes seems to be lost. I keep both alive (lol).

Never said people “don’t know how to court,” just voice, eye to eye contact, the heat from one’s body is so much better than picking up a telephone and firmly holding its case while you text.

Into the Light

April 17th, 2013
10:20 am

Morning, all!

Celisea

April 17th, 2013
10:24 am

it’s not really accurate to suggest that those who use different techniques from us “don’t know how” to court

Hmmmm I would beg to differ here. There’s an art to courting. It may be viewed as too antiquated, a thing of the past, no longer necessary, etc etc etc…but this generation, that’s never done it and only familiar with texting as almost their sole means of communicating, don’t know how to court nor what that means.

I wish they could though. I really enjoyed having company at home.
Eating and watching tv, meeting the fam, having my brothers and dad look him over. I mean back then, I didn’t enjoy that part, but for the most part I enjoyed him coming to see me, him putting forth that effort, fixing him a plate at dinner, him sitting on the sofa laughing and talking….manoman, these kids don’t know what they’re missing :)

Button

April 17th, 2013
10:24 am

Swiss – today almost no one writes long, formal, hand-written letters to one another – actually a text message can replace the actual handwritten note/letter. I personally don’t have a problem with a typed letter via text. It’s still thoughts shared via written words. My tout is asking for a date via text.

DreamsMaterialize

April 17th, 2013
10:28 am

Morning
Nothing happened to dating. It changes with the times. When my grandmother was dating, a guy had to come to her house with his parents, and she would come out with her parents, and they would all go together and enjoy parentally supervised activities. That wasn’t the case when my mom started dating, and my dating has been different from hers. Each generation dates in the way that is acceptable to them. I don’t believe this generation is deficient when it comes to dating…unless they’re trying to date US. If anything, they’re more equipped to date among their peers than we would be. As times change, young people will be at the forefront of that change, and older folks will adapt more slowly. It’s always been that way. Every generation since the beginning of time has been critical of the “younger” generation. We tend to romanticize the way things were. It wasn’t always better. Dating, for me, is just fine, but then I’m not dating 20 year olds.

Celisea

April 17th, 2013
10:31 am

kimmie

April 17th, 2013
10:34 am

Morning Gang!!

the heat from one’s body is so much better than picking up a telephone and firmly holding its case while you text.

Leggs – So many thoughts went thru my head when reading “firmly holding its case”!!LOL! I know, I’m a bad girl!!!

On topic – First, welcome Guests!! Yes, in some circles dating has not died, and like Button said, plenty are still getting married. To me it appears to not have totally died among the 30- 35 & older set, so if you are in this range, you can set your standards and stick to them and not have someone look at you like you have 3 eyes.

The younger set may not be as up on classic dating standards and I think it’s due to a combination of things – technology, changed family dynamics, society changes, or just never having seen example of a positive relationship. I had a great basic life example with my parents, and I remember getting dating tips here and there, but I can’t really say they taught me everything about dating. But it was a different day. Things also change once you move from your parents watchful eye to an apartment or house on your own. You have to set the standards for yourself. Depending on how you grew up, you may or may not understand what standards to set.

It can get kinda complicated. I feel kind of bad for the youngsters that don’t have anyone to show them better and have to depend on the streets to show them anything.

kimmie

April 17th, 2013
10:38 am

We tend to romanticize the way things were. It wasn’t always better.

Dreams – I so agree!!

I do try not to romanticize and embrace changing times, not be fearful and pessimistic of the future.

daddy swiss

April 17th, 2013
10:41 am

“I don’t believe this generation is deficient when it comes to dating…unless they’re trying to date US. If anything, they’re more equipped to date among their peers than we would be”

DM — BINGO!

Leggs

April 17th, 2013
10:42 am

“Things also change once you move from your parents watchful eye to an apartment or house on your own. You have to set the standards for yourself. Depending on how you grew up, you may or may not understand what standards to set.”

And really, that’s it in a nutsell. No matter what was painted on your canvas growing up, it is up to you to set your standards. Those who abide by them move along in life with you and those who don’t are washed down the drain, hopefully never to be seen again. But, there are so many dang “diehards” (never give up) that waiting in the wings is their full time job!

kimmie ~ I’m behaving (lol)…

Celisea

April 17th, 2013
10:43 am

Romanticizing is believing something is more exciting or better than it really is. I don’t one individual can make this call for a generation of folks.

I, for one, still deal with a man picking me up, paying for dates, courting, calling to talk, making love sans gadgets, p0rn, stuff that hurts and ache. I don’t think it’s romanticizing, it’s living the dang dream!! :mrgreen:

If you don’t see it that way or that it’s necessary, that would then be your outlook, but you can’t say it’s romanticizing if someone does or see it different than you. :) :) :)

Into the Light

April 17th, 2013
10:45 am

@DM: Very well said.

Heeeey, daddy swiss. So, when does SuisseMochetteNoelle get to date!?!?!? :wink:

@Leggs: How was the game?

Celisea

April 17th, 2013
10:46 am

Let folks romance how they want to…lol You want tech and stuff do you. You want love and romance and old school, then do that :)

We have a gang of young folks at our church, all walking around with phones glued to their hands, but they’re courting and having visits, company coming over, going out on date. Matter of fact, we have three weddings set for this year. So no, it’s not a lost art. It’s alive and working for them. :mrgreen: