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Are you opposed to Dutch?

Earlier this week, we talked about how cheap dates have their place.  I then received an email asking about my opinion on “going Dutch” or paying half of the date.  So here it is: I don’t like having Dutch sprung on me.  If we are paying our own way, I prefer to have this information beforehand.

I think the people who oppose Dutch usually don’t like being asked out then being forced to pay their own way.  If we agree to do this ahead of time, it is different then going out and expecting someone to pay for you.

My opinion of a guy would change if he asks me out then expects me to pay my own way.  It’s hard to explain but I believe that if a guy does not want to take me out and pay my way, he does not think of me romantically.  I don’t mind paying my own way in a relationship, but I am old school when it comes to paying my way as part of dating.

What do you think? Are you against going Dutch?  Do you think a guy who asks a woman to pay her half of the bill sees her as a platonic friend?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

274 comments Add your comment

Exiled

April 11th, 2013
6:55 am

A man paying is fine. And good meals too. What I object too personally is the women who continue wanting to eat my mula but not giving up the goods.

If u eating good food…honey, at least after about three dates,give that coochie Up!
After the third date the least I expect is the lady inviting dude to the crib with a simple ‘u wanna come to the crib and have a home date today?’ that’s all a man of ‘old fashioned sense expects because he spend his money on U…..( three dates spending money on a stranger ain’t No joke!!)

If u old fashioned don’t accept the second date. Period!

Third Date it’s a Layout!

Have a good day MIA!

Augusta starts today….

Go Tiger!!!!

Exiled

April 11th, 2013
6:56 am

Lee

April 11th, 2013
7:09 am

If this “date” is the first and we are going dutch, it was never a date, we are just friends.

Single and Happy

April 11th, 2013
7:26 am

Hey all

Diva you already summed it up, if it’s not discussed at the time of the asking, then the one that asks pays!!

MissMoni

April 11th, 2013
7:31 am

GOOD Thursday Morning MIA!!! *It’s Friday Eve!* :-D

“I don’t mind paying my own way in a relationship, but I am old school when it comes to paying my way as part of dating.”

I agree with Diva on this one. Lee also hit the nail on the head: “If this “date” is the first and we are going dutch, it was never a date, we are just friends.” BINGO!!!

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
7:59 am

I love how Single Independent Women (and my SBW’s) love to put on that cape, fly around, and tell anyone that will listen on your “hard fought” independence…..until it comes time to pay for yourself (or someone else) on a date.

It’s just amazing that there is still a mentality that there’s something wrong with going half on something, even a date. It’s amazing and instructive.

How are you planning on building a life with someone (if that’s a goal) and you’re somehow offput by them asking you to something you two may one day get to anyway (paying half of everything)?

Oh, I get the whole “gentlemanly, chivalrous” thing, and I agree with it, but in the end you gotta start somewhere.

MissMoni

April 11th, 2013
8:13 am

Dan, I agree with you gotta start somewhere. However, the 1st date is not the time to start that. What you speak of is something that should happen once an actual relationship has been established. Not something that occurs straight out of the gate. Personally, in a romantic relationship, I have no problem going half, heck I’ll even treat him to an all expense paid date. Just know that this is after we’ve established something meaningful.

Has the notion of courtship gone totally out of the window??? Are women still the prize or have most guys gotten caught up into thinking that women should CHASE after them???

Hazel

April 11th, 2013
8:17 am

i am all over the place on this one. I think the guy should pay most of the time. ; ) The lady should however pay here and there and not expect him to pay everytime. It is a turn off if he “asks” to go dutch. He shouldn’t be surprised if he gets a “no” for the second date.

Hazel

April 11th, 2013
8:19 am

@Missmoni- I couldn’t have done a better job at saying what u said @ 8:13am

CoolShadow

April 11th, 2013
8:20 am

As Dan mentioned earlier, it’s all part of the chivalry routine for a man to spring for the date. For the first date, I see no problem with the man springing for the date. My issue is when a man has subsequently been placed in the friend zone and she initiates lunch/dinner plans and still expects the man to pay for the meal.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
8:30 am

Morning all…. Here we go again…..While I have no problem paying for all my dates, Woman should understand and willfully accept that ass you have expectations, so do we…..Now as long as we both understand and are willing to meet at least some of those expectations, this should never be an issue….

Coach

April 11th, 2013
8:30 am

Going dutch on dates is tacky. Dont ask a woman out if you dont plan to treat her, now with that being said if you can only afford Captain D’s dont take her to Spondivits. Ladies ordering the most expensive entree’s and the most expensive drinks is also tacky, with a to go order is equally tacky. My main issue is dont let it be Hennessy on my money and Doobeshay on your money.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
8:37 am

@Moni

Courtship has not gone, but it’s definitely changed (and it needs to).

The idea of ‘courting’ a woman had a lot to do with ‘innocence’ (read: virginity). These days that plateau been gone, so what are dudes left to do?

Do you treat the woman you like well, yes; but you also expect reciprocity. And the sooner that happens, the better.

Men are conditioned based on a reward system (do this, get that). It’s why we go to the gym, run in ToughMudder (shout out to Dreams for that one), and work hard. So why not expect the same in dating? And not “take her out, expect sex”, but take her out and expect that she may pay for herself, and me.

Those types of women are mysterious and sought after by a HUGE part of the male poplace. If only because they’re subconsciously rewarding the males hard work (and asking a woman out is work) with reciprocity.

All I’m saying is, give a little to get a lot. The women that I dated (my wife included) that had their capes on when the bill came, impressed me far more than some wishy-washy inconsistent female. Cross that threshold, and watch what he will (want to) do for you.

MissMoni

April 11th, 2013
8:38 am

Hi Hazel! I see we’re vibing this morning! :-)

If the guy is in the friendzone and does not want to pay for the entire meal, then he has the right and the option to DECLINE going out with her in the first place. Why continue to go out with someone who is NOT romantically interested in you but expects you to pay every time??? Get a clue and move on!!!

MissMoni

April 11th, 2013
8:43 am

Dan All I’m saying is IF the guy is EXPECTING the woman to pay for herself, then he should let that be known when he is making the date. That way she KNOWS upfront and has the option to either still go out or decline.

Put your expectations on the table, no one can read your mind.

MissMoni

April 11th, 2013
8:46 am

Oh and by the way Dan, ALL women are NOT sexually active. There are some who are waiting for marriage, even if they aren’t virgins, a person can at any time make a choice to stop having sex and wait for marriage. :-)

LeeH1

April 11th, 2013
8:48 am

There is so much wrong with this discussion that I don’t know where to begin. First, “going Dutch” is a ethnic slur, indicating that people from the Netherlands or Belgium are excessively cheap and unwilling to pay their fair share, i.e., for the dependence of others.

Secondly, this is sexist in saying that men are just naturally expected to pay for the date, when fair pay requires both men and women to have the opportunity for equal income. When men are expected to be the providers, women are expected to be the dependents, giving their submission to the more powerful male.

Thirdly, this is clinging to older considerations of dating, formed in a period when men were the masters, and women didn’t drive; women didn’t have jobs; were owned and protected by their father until they were owned and protected by their husband; where women were not expected to go out on their own (Heavens! A single woman sitting alone at a restaurant?! How horrid!); when women weren’t expected to handle money (poor dears, you can’t expect them to make change or leave adequate tips, and they might be cheated by smarter men, you know!). Why any woman would want to cling to this time period is beyond me.

You are also placing the woman on par with entertainment. As the man pays to see a movie or pays to go bowling, he is also required, socially, to pay for the entertainment of being with the flicka. This is not ameeting of equals, but more like an evening out with an actress. She is expected to be charming, witty, pretty and entertaining, much like a rented DVD. This is an interesting concept, but it belongs back in the last millenium.

Finally, if you demand that men pretend to adhere to these older ideas of manhood, don’t be surprised when they trample all over the feelings of the woman with male priviledge. After all, power followeth money. If you insist the man pays the piper on the date, you can expect him to tell you how and when to dance to the tune.

Dating between equals is so much better. And it requires so much more from the women, who have not caught up with the changes (and responsibilities) in their recent advancement.

If you still expect white men to act towards blacks as they did a hundred years ago, then of course you can expect men to pay for your evening out. Men have changed. Women need to catch up.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
8:54 am

Wow LeeH1…… all I want is for MissMoni to take me to Goldfish for dinner this weekend…… :)

MissMoni

April 11th, 2013
8:59 am

LOL at Court!!!

MsAtl

April 11th, 2013
9:00 am

Morning All!

I will not pay my way on a first date, otherwise I do not consider it a date. I do not have an issue paying for some of the later dates. If we are “hanging out” I expect to pay my way. Either way, if a man wants a “date” to be dutch, he should make that known ahead of time. If I am in a relationship, I expect that we will both spend money.
I don’t care how many dates we have been on, I do not owe a man anything. I don’t subscribe to the old adage “@ss, gas or grass, no one rides free.” If you are asking me out only because you expect sex, then please do not ask.

Court- “Woman should understand and willfully accept that ASS you have expectations, so do we.” Was that a freudian slip???

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
9:01 am

I see nothing wrong with going Dutch, but if you ask me out on a date then inform me we will be going dutch, we aren’t on a date.

Morning.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
9:03 am

MsAtl, lololl…it really was!!! My point was that there are issue that come with blind, broad expectations, and if a woman is going to have them then she should not be surprised if the guy does as well….

MsAtl

April 11th, 2013
9:09 am

LeeH1- You lost me at the White/Black comparison. I fail to see the connection. as to your comment that men have changed, I agree. However, the way that I see some men have changed is not flattering in the least. Some men are not of the same caliber as their forefathers. I will not entertain a man who does not know how to respect a woman and sees dating as a way to get the cookie as opposed to a way to get to know me. I respect myself and demand nothing less from men.
That said, as I stated earlier, it is not my belief that a man has to pay each and every time or that a woman cannot pay for a date.

MissMoni

April 11th, 2013
9:10 am

SN: Did ya’ll know that Atlanta is the “Sugar Daddy” capital of America??? I was SHOCKED when I read the blog topic and then read this article, LOL! SOMEBODY is straight up fronting!!!

http://blog.seekingarrangement.com/sugar-daddy-capitals-of-america/

MissMoni

April 11th, 2013
9:11 am

MsAtl I totally agree with your 9:09! :-)

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
9:11 am

@Moni

Once that bell is rung, no “decision” in the world can unring it – despite what a ‘preacher’ may try and tell you. So there’s that.

Few men that are dating go out expecting the woman to pay, we do however, love it when they do. Be it first date, or 4000th. It’s a breath of fresh air, and It makes us excited to see her again.

I remember I dated this young lady for quite some time and on our first date she met me at the movies with the tickets in hand; and I got there early trying to do the same thing.

To each his (her) own, I’m just saying, these are things men talk about.

MissMoni

April 11th, 2013
9:17 am

Dan you have your beliefs and clearly I have mine. We are both entitled to think however we want. I will agree, to each his (her) own.

What da H?

April 11th, 2013
9:26 am

Interesting so it is only considered a date if the man pays for it. So if a man takes you to something free is it still considered a date?

SlimNu

April 11th, 2013
9:26 am

Morning

This will be interesting as always….for whatever reason, this topic really pits the men against the women.

Coach

April 11th, 2013
9:27 am

Wow. If u ask her out, then pay. Its not really a big deal, however you can see what kind of woman your dealing with if she orders expensive items to take home and expensive drinks to boot. IF you dont want to treat her, then dont ask her out its really that simple. You can always go out with yourself. HA!

MissMoni

April 11th, 2013
9:29 am

Great point Coach!!! :-)

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
9:31 am

So if a man takes you to something free is it still considered a date? – Yes, it is.

It’s not so much the money, well I guess it is, but it’s the way the date unfolds. If you ask someone out, then spring on them we will be paying for our own meals, you’re essentially not asking one out on a date. If you can’t afford to pay for the date, then find somewhere to take your “date” that won’t hurt your wallet or date when your wallet can carry you. Same for women because if a woman asks a man out, she should pay.

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
9:33 am

Dating is about reciprocity. It’s not solely the man’s responsibility to ask one out and pay for the date.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
9:34 am

@Slim

It’s a debate about how people percieve reality. There are those that are stuck in some mish-mash system of beliefs where they don’t really practice any one of them, instead picking and choosing what’s “right” based on how they feel in that moment vs. people that want consistency in thought, action, and deed.

@Moni

I rarely express my “beliefs” in this forum, I only state facts based on anecdotal conversations with my single friends and family members

disco

April 11th, 2013
9:36 am

good morning. my first thought was of martin Lawrence in you so crazy when he said “I said I was taking you to the movies. I didn’t say I was paying for you to get in.”

ex – maybe after three dates you haven’t paid out the dollar value that she places on her goods. maybe you should have had that conversation up front. figure out how much it would cost you? lol.

disco

April 11th, 2013
9:39 am

dan – I don’t have a problem paying my share on a (first) date. it can be a win-win. if you end up not liking him so much it sends a strong message. (dude you ain’t the one. I got this). if you do like him it also sends a message. this message is that I like you and ain’t trying to dig in your pockets. thing is, you can’t predict how dude is reading the message.

MissMoni

April 11th, 2013
9:40 am

I see Dan, you believe that what you are saying is fact based on anecdotal conversations with your single friends and family members. Like I said before, you have free to believe what & who you want to believe.

MissMoni

April 11th, 2013
9:40 am

*you are free to believe

MissMoni

April 11th, 2013
9:42 am

BBL got a meeting at 10! Have fun!!! :-D

disco

April 11th, 2013
9:42 am

lee – you taking everything to a whole new level. it’s real but it ain’t that real.

SlimNu

April 11th, 2013
9:48 am

Dan – I gotcha, just sitting back in lurksville for the time being. Sometimes it’s good to use the two ears (but in this case, my two eyes) as opposed to my one mouth (in this case, 20 fingers – gotta account for my fanga toes too lol)

And shout outs to ma-dukes since it’s her bday today. I hope you win some big time money off the scratch off’s ya go coming your way ;-)

Coach

April 11th, 2013
9:49 am

You dont ask a woman out to have sex with them, you ask them out because you want their company, and hopefully they want yours. Its low-class to say hey ive taken you on three dates and spent three hundred dollars have sex with me. If thats all you wanted you could have hired a escort and just stayed home. However if you taken her out more than three times and she has not offered to pay at least once, then ummmmm..,… Anyway if a woman insists you take her on expensive dates then you may want to ditch her.

disco

April 11th, 2013
9:54 am

y’all got me doing math this morning. lol.

a guy friend called me yesterday to ask if I want to see 42 tomorrow night. my answer “yep”. now, I was planning on going anyway though I probably would have waited until next week to go on discount day. lol. am I wrong for going on his dime? maybe/maybe not. we’ll be going to a theatre that serves food/liquor. will I eat/drink? yep. I’m thinking this simple trip to the movies will set him back about $50-$75 depending on whether we eat at the theatre or a restaurant. if I take myself to the movie my total will be no more than $20.

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
10:08 am

How could you be wrong for going on his dime. He called and asked you. You said yeah. Enjoy.

Coach ~ unfortunately, some men do ask women out in the hopes of going to bed with them. Maybe not that night, but they’re investing in payback shortly down the road and when it doesn’t happen, they pout and stomp like a little beyotch.

Single and Happy

April 11th, 2013
10:08 am

Disco you wrong :-D but seriously he asked!! nuff said!!

And as far as ordering the most expensive thing on the menu. I the person asking can’t afford it then they shouldn’t take them there! You don’t go to Ruth Chris and order a hamburger!!

Coach

April 11th, 2013
10:16 am

@Single and Happy No you dont go to Ruth Chris and order a Hamburger, but if you go and order two steaks, then something might be wrong. #ijs

@Leggs Yea, but dont be like “Ok I took you to Here and There so I need some tail now, please” is tacky. Sex is going to happen if its going to happen and if she wants it to happen trust and believe she gonna make it happen. Thats the difference in Men and Woman, Men want sex and have to put on a dog and pony show, Woman want sex then their ultra aggressive somehow surfaces…. WOW!

disco

April 11th, 2013
10:16 am

leggs/single – now y’all know I don’t think I’m wrong. lol. of course, I recognize that there are folks who likely think I am. later for them. I’m good.

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
10:18 am

disco ~ nothing wrong with you accepting his invite.

Coach ~ I agree it’s tacky and immature. Just saying it happens.

disco

April 11th, 2013
10:20 am

coach – ooh that dog and pony show. lol. I swear I have seen a grown man beg for some and it is so not a good look. I’m always thinking “dude have some pride. go in the bathroom and handle that. do what you gotta do but don’t beg”. lol. on the flip side, you are right about aggression. let me be in a situation where dude acting like he “tired” and can’t break me off. hmmph.

leggs – yep. it still happens and when grown men who should know better. rephrase, with grown men who DO know better but they just get caught up. lol.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
10:20 am

OK….For the record…. No dude is asking a woman out for the sole purpose of fuggin’ her…… But if we are spending time together and He is spending money on her, then then at some point their interactions go from social to physical to emotional ( in some order or another). If all she wants is a sponsor, then she should make it known just as he should if all he wants is to roll in the sack. Everyone goes into a dating situation looking for something…. To deny that is just dishonest……..

Single and Happy

April 11th, 2013
10:21 am

@Coach she just might be hungry, I do agree with you on getting a togo plate (LOL) as for me, as long as we’re dating on my dime,the majority of those dates will be something simple, I have never felt the need to try and impress someone.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
10:24 am

Are you opposed to Dutch?

Ummmmm, YEEEAHH!!! Seriously, the only time I’ll pay my way is with my bff. Understand me thought before anyone gets riled, I take no issue showing my boo a really nice time…as in I got this, as I’ve done it and more than once and without being asked. And as in the natural order of how this thing was set up, I’m not paying. Sorry, it’s late in the game (well I’m not old yet) and I’m done well with the principles I was raised on. Fortunately, I have a great guy but had he not come my way, I’m just as content not having one, if that means I gotta pursue you, pay for you and do you too. All of this chatter about “expectations” and third date we smashing…IMO is just wild. Where is patience? Where is the art of seduction? Where is “(him) doing the dang thing” and it happens naturally as a result of?

I’ve said a gazillion times on here and I’ll say it again…cause I believe it to my core. Being the hunter, the pursuer was placed in a man’s nature. It’s still there. Over zealous women and the lazies has it hibernating…lol I also believe with every fiber of my being that men spend time and money on women they love, like or adore. A man that’s truly truly digging a woman won’t count or tally stroke. A man really digging a “good” woman, won’t be taken advantage of. A woman digging a man will reciprocate easily. No pressure, no “it’s your turn”, blah blah blah.

Me? I’m not doing it. Dudes are lazy and impatient now. Most (not all) want something for nothing. And me giving you the goods in exchange for a 50.00 burger, ain’t the something for something.

I could go on, but y’all get what I’m saying and where I stand on this issue.

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
10:25 am

For the record…. No dude is asking a woman out for the sole purpose of fuggin’ her = that’s the “record” as you see it. I’m speaking for the “record” as I’ve seen it.

Coach

April 11th, 2013
10:25 am

Disco- Precisely, that be the best kind of sex tho, to me. When she want it you know its gonna be like YESSSSSS! HA. Oh yeah men begging for sex is lame, but woman using men for a meal and drinks is equally lame and we all know they both happen.

P.S. why dont you tell him to take you on discount day, and you sneak some food and drinks in your oversized purse. HA!

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
10:25 am

Morning Gang!

Had to wrap myself in my desk throw this morning. It’s a little chilly in these parts today.

On topic – I’m with Diva about springing the Dutch thing on me after we’re already out. That’s lowdown and tacky. If nothing else, I need to make sure I have enough money should I decide to accept. Not that I probably wouldn’t already, since my mom taught me to be prepared to pay my way should a dude decide to trip.

You can call me old-fashioned or high maintenance or whatever. But I only go Dutch with friends & family. I was taught whoever does the asking does the paying. Now I don’t mind at all, after a few dates, splitting the evening, like dude buys the movie tix, I buy the popcorn & drinks. But I think it’s tacky to call yourself on a date and divide up things at the table. So whichever one is paying must pay the entire thing at the table. It’s a bad look to me for either gender to do the asking and then say oh by the way, you pay yours I pay mine. Not classy at all.

I don’t believe in asking or paying for the first few dates, but I definitely reciprocate. There have been times I’ve had a guy to ask me out and I accept, but say “my treat”. In fact, thinking back, when my husband and I were dating, I only actually asked him out about 3 or 4 times, for like his birthday or to see a movie I knew he wanted to see. Otherwise he did all the asking, but I would insist on paying some of those times he asked and I would tell him up front.

Hey Disco! You are not wrong for going on his dime. There are some men that are like that. Even though you are friends and not going on a date, they have no problem treating a lady and would not dream of making you pay. They don’t expect anything in return either, except your pleasant company, that’s just how they are. They also don’t have you second guessing yourself and making you feel you are using them. I’ve had a few guy friends that would do that on occasion.

Expecting sex because you took them out and paid – who still does that? That’s stupid, plus there are too many you don’t even have to take out if you just wanted sex!! Or just forgo the preliminaries and pay up front for it! :shock:

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
10:28 am

“And me giving you the goods in exchange for a 50.00 burger, ain’t the something for something.”

Shiiiiiiitin me!!!! If a dude paying for a $50.00 Burger her should at least get to see a “NIP SLIP” or something!!!!! LOLOLOLOLOL :) :) :)

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
10:32 am

Shiiiiiiitin me!!!! If a dude paying for a $50.00 Burger her should at least get to see a “NIP SLIP” or something!!!!! LOLOLOLOLOL

LOLOLOL…patience Little Tonto, it’s coming…LOLOLOL

Reio

April 11th, 2013
10:35 am

Hi Everybody!

KIMMIE – ” …there are too many you don’t even have to take out if you just wanted sex!! Or just forgo the preliminaries and pay up front for it! ” Been sayin this for decades.

disco

April 11th, 2013
10:36 am

coach – to answer your question, because I don’t care enough.

courtside – I was in Atlanta once, out at some spot with a guy. I’m checking out the drink menu and there was some drink on there that cost $50. I pointed it out to him. dude was like “for $50 they need to change the name to ‘yeah you can eff me tonight’”. I wasn’t even mad at him.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
10:40 am

though not thought
I’ve done well not I’m done well\

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
10:42 am

disco – They had this show on the Food Network about the most expensive or most unusual drinks. There is this place in Vegas I think that has a drink for 10 grand. You got 2 glasses of whatever concoction it was and I think a diamond necklace. They said they had actually sold maybe 2 or 3 of them.

Mike P

April 11th, 2013
10:44 am

It’s like this… either you’re old school or you’re not. You can’t pick and choose when you can apply tradition and be taken seriously. The same goes for the modern new school types, either you are about it or you ain’t. All Yall trip me out with all this. It’s not complicated folks.

Morning

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
10:44 am

And now let me ask the ladies…I fully understand when you talk about being worth more than the cost of a few dates…. DO you also assign a value to the time, efforts and expenses of the guys???

disco

April 11th, 2013
10:45 am

kimmie – at least with that you got the diamond necklace. lol. this was a few years back but I remember thinking that for a $50 drink I needed time-release alcohol that kept me just under legal for the entire night.

MsML5

April 11th, 2013
10:49 am

Good morning all!! I’ll always read but rarely chime in! but here goes……If i’m asked out, I’m expecting the guy to pay for the date. But I will say that prior to the date, I make sure my money is straight just in case in the middle of dinner he says “oh, let’s split the check”. If splitting the check is mentioned/agreed beforehand, I’ll think of him as just a friend, no romantic feeling involved.

MsML5

April 11th, 2013
10:52 am

I’ll also add that if we are just friends, no romance involved…dutch would be no problem

MsML5

April 11th, 2013
10:54 am

@ kimmie 10:25…since my mom taught me to be prepared to pay my way should a dude decide to trip.

totally agree!!! before I even accept a date, i make sure my money is right!

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
10:54 am

time-release alcohol

Disco – I’m surprised no one has come up with something like this! You could be on to something!!LOL!!

Mike P – I agree. Folks love to pick & chose, when it’s convinient for them to follow a tradition or not. It really is not that hard though.

Courtside – All I can say is nothing in this world is free. I think you asked earlier if you took a lady to a free concert would it still be considered a date. I would think so, since unless the concert was next door and your date lived next door, you are going to burn gas, which is not free. If you eat or drink anything at all it won’t be free. The concert might be free, but nothing associated with going to it is free. Everyone’s time is valuable, I would think. I absolutely appreciate the time, effort and money that goes with dating and maintaining a relationship.

Single and Happy

April 11th, 2013
10:55 am

My question, who goes out on a first date with romantic feelings involved, isn’t that supposed to be the get to know you period?

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
10:56 am

DO you also assign a value to the time, efforts and expenses of the guys???

Absolutely!! Effort, for me get tossed right in there with time and money.

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
11:02 am

Single – With that reasoning, do you ask women you are not physically attracted to or men even, on dates?

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
11:04 am

So to be clear, we’ve had the following idioms expressed in various terms:

the place of the date = class (read: money spent/name recognition/popularity of the spot),

that the fact that the male spends money on the woman = respect,

if you’re asked to pay for your own meal he’s “just a friend’ that has no shot at being a romatic partner, and

doing all of the above is reasonable for a woman to accept and the guy shouldn’t ask/expect anything from her (but company) and he’s not supposed to feel some kinda way about it lest he be labeled bytchazzness.

Is that where we’re going/we are? Really?

How does this not sound COMPLETELY unreasonable/insane/usury/deceptive to anyone? Seriously?

abc

April 11th, 2013
11:05 am

I call BS on the idea that a man has expectations of some kind of physical attention because he paid for some chick’s lunch or dinner. That is nuts. Frankly, I pay for platonic female friends’ lunch and don’t think twice about it. And, I’m cheap, and proud of it — to me, I substitute ‘frugal’ or ’sensible’ or ‘conservative’, but cheap is cheap. A man that won’t pay for a female companions restaurant tab is so far beyond cheap, I don’t think there’s a word for it.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
11:06 am

Seriously, I get what Diva was asking but please where in the heck are folks having conversations to split the check prior to a date??? I have NEVER heard of such. I’m just baffled at folks say, “as long as we have that conversation ahead of time” :shock: So you ask for a date and then you take it back?

Okay, I’m getting back to work. I didn’t some stuff done, dang blogging too much yesteday…lol

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
11:07 am

he’s not supposed to feel some kinda way about it lest he be labeled bytchazzness.

BIIINGO!!! BBL…..

Single and Happy

April 11th, 2013
11:08 am

Kimmie, well I’m not attracted to men in anyway so no dating there (LOL) but just because I’m physically attracted doesn’t mean I want to be romantically involved, I’m going just to get to know the person, How can you have romantic feeling for someone you’ve usually only know from a few public settings?

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
11:14 am

Courtside ~ value is attributed to all steps made toward making the date happen. His time and effort and level of appreciating the date and the guest all has a value.

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
11:20 am

Single – You’re just playing with words. I guess it depends on ones definition of romantic, which can mean different things to different people.

I guess the universal mindset would be a person you are physically attracted to and would like to get to know better to see if any romantic(according to you) feelings might develop.

Is that better?

disco

April 11th, 2013
11:21 am

dan – it sounds like you are misinterpreting a few things. lol. what’s the point of a classy place with a tacky person? money does not equal respect. men pay hookers and all sorts of characters they owe money to. nothing to do with respect.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
11:23 am

abc, I don’t think the issue is paying…. But as has been stated, women have lofty and in most cases well warranted expectations of their dating experiences….. I am simply posing the question, Why is it so wrong for a guy to have expectations as well???? Now I completely agree that timelines ( 3rd date = sex) are silly and impractical, but No one wants to feel stagnant..i.e. paying and treating and entertaining with no ROI……

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
11:24 am

I actually have never given this subject that much thought. If you’re with me, I got you. If I can’t afford it, I will go by myself.

Single and Happy

April 11th, 2013
11:25 am

Kimmie so if the ask to go dutch then as stated seeing anything romantic is out the window even if it was there before?

Single and Happy

April 11th, 2013
11:28 am

OH kimmie I don’t play with words, I think logically and take everything at face value, don’t have time to be trying to figure out what someone means by what they say :-)

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
11:32 am

IMO – A man’s caliber says much. Stellar dudes ain’t counting pennies nor tally stroking. The just ain’t.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
11:33 am

@Discon

I’m not, case(s) in point

“if you can’t afford to take her to [insert expensive place], you shouldn’t offer”, and

“I would only spend $x on myself, but I know he’s going to spend $x+, and he shouldn’t expect anything” [with the caveat of you taking offense if he does].

I’m just saying that isht is silly to me. Completely.

I’ve heard from my cousin, my uncle, and a friend the phrase “don’t take anything from a man without knowing what he wants in return.” It’s a phrase that they’ve pounded into the heads of the young women in their lives – in the case of my cousin, it was my uncle; she has a daughter that lives by that mantra.

I’m not saying that a man should expect anything “qui bono” for taking a woman out….but there are men that do. And it’s those guys that ladies have to guard against, because despite what he may be called (bytchazz, whatever), some dudes out here take that “feelin some kinda way” out on whoever put them in that state.

Thus, my 12 yo daughter has been hearing me say “don’t take anything from a male without knowing what he expects in return.”

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
11:33 am

Semantics = looking for loopholes…lolol

Okay…I’m gone back to work…lol

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
11:40 am

Oh, and another friend made a fantastic point a few weeks ago when taking about a coversation he had with his daughter:

“There are men in this world that are insecure and don’t know how to handle that insecurity, so talking to them any kinda way, may be the excuse they need to hit you – flat out. So you’ve got to be careful about how you talk to these little dudes; because they hit you, I hit them, and our family’s got a problem.”

That’s not to say his emotional state is her responsibility, but how she responds to the dude is.

These are conversations we’re having in the skreets about raising daughters. And ya’ll at 30+ are telling me about being “entitled’ to some isht….man, please.

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
11:40 am

Single, all I can speak on is what my standards are when it comes to dating, which is:

Dutch = No Date thus no anything even resembling romance or acting on physical attraction – then, now or in the future.

And that’s whether you tell me beforehand or not. I’ve always been attracted to a different type of man. Others may think or do things different, I don’t care. This is the way I do things, it worked for all the men I dated in the past and it worked for my husband.

As for your 11:28, well I can’t help you figure it out if you don’t already know what we’re talking about.

disco

April 11th, 2013
11:42 am

dan – I know what you are reading. I’m reading it too. re: not taking someone to a place you can’t afford. imo, this should be tied to common sense moreso than money or respect. re: folks’ expectations. everyone has expectations. the key is keeping them in check to avoid disappointment.

Jeff

April 11th, 2013
11:42 am

So many women like to get sassy saying “I don’t need a man”, but then have an opportunity to prove it by paying her own share and then all of a sudden…………excuses.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
11:44 am

I don’t mean to beat a dead horse….. (Famous last words) But again I ask If Money is not an issue, How many of you ladies would be OK with a guy asking you out and every date is CeeCee’s pizzza? That should be ok right cause all you are doing is getting to know each other right???

Single and Happy

April 11th, 2013
11:46 am

Kimmie Okkkaaayyyyy :-)

disco

April 11th, 2013
11:48 am

as much as I’m about “getting that paper” (lol) I’m not as opposed to dutch as many of the other female bloggers are. whether it’s discussed before hand or not. I never go anyplace unprepared to cover myself. I don’t deny that sneaking dutch up on someone is a bad move but I’m one of those people that is always being told that I don’t like anyone. there’s enough truth to it that even I’m surprised when I do actually take a shining (lol) to someone. if I had an otherwise wonderful time with a guy that I was really feeling and he pulled the “dutch card” I can’t say it would be a dealbreaker. now, I would reserve the right to bring it up later and I can imagine the conversation but that’s a whole nother something.

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
11:48 am

Dan – I agree with your posts about what we teach our daughters. I think that’s a deeper conversation than what we’re really having though. We’re good and grown men and women on here talking about how we personally deal with dating situations. Most read like they got some street smarts.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
11:51 am

@Courtside

Some ladies (on this board and elsewhere) have standards that differ based on who’s footing the bill.

And while I call shenanigans, to each his/her own (I got out of the game 20 months ago).

Where it strikes me as an important conversation piece for the blog is, that the ladies that treat themselves as they expect other to (pay for their own meals at fancy places), don’t speak up on the utter foolishness of having champagne taste/expectations on a 40oz budget.

That’s where I’m lost.

I’m all for “girl power/solidarity” but some stuff is foul and should be acknowledged as such.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
11:56 am

I want to know how Dan knows how much of a budget the women on this blog is working with? Being a crybaby ain’t pretty. It’s not unrealistic for a woman to expect nothing but the best. And the best ain’t measured by a dollar. It’s everything, but if that’s gotta be broken done and explained that way, then you simply don’t get the dynamics of dating, mating, meshing, vibing, etc.

While you’re trying so hard to understand and call foul, you should live your life by the standards you deem okay and not pass judgement on those that want to live it differently. I say all the time, leave the judging to Jesus Christ the Righteous… Folks ain’t gotta accept subpar. Folks ain’t gotta be deemed snooty cause they won’t accept subpar. I ain’t NEVER seen (yeah I said that), my daddy telling my mama what she’s gotta do down the middle and that was for their entire marriage. I can’t undo what I’ve learned nor what I know stellar to be. Just because this generation sucks and old school folks can’t get with it, don’t blame us. Blame our parents that set the right examples as also evidenced by the world being a better place….back then. I find no fault in how I was raised and the standard my daddy set before my eyes. I make no apologies for it either.

disco

April 11th, 2013
11:59 am

C – did you just get worked up? lol. relax, relate, release. lol.

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
12:03 pm

disco – to your 11:42 – I agree, alot to do with common sense. And being prepared (ie not coming on any date with an empty purse) helps manage disappointments and expectations.

To be honest, I’ve only had 1 guy to spring the dutch mess on me, and we were freshmen in college. We walked up the street from our dorms to a pizza joint. Right before the bill came, he sprung the “you know we going dutch?” on me. Yeah, we were broke college kids but I knew dude had enough to cover what I’m sure didn’t come to $10, including tip. I half-joking/half-serious rode him so hard, he ended up paying anyway cause I shamed him. He was a cool guy & our parents knew each other, it wasn’t a major deal. We went out a few more times and kinda liked each other but got caught up in college life and never got serious.

Since then though, this topic has never been an issue for me. I just don’t see a grown man going out like this, but I guess it happens.

Courtside – Baby, either you got it/get it or you don’t.

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
12:07 pm

Good afternoon all!!!

A man shouldn’t have to pay for everything all the time. When I went out with The Young One, I knew he didn’t have a lot of money…he paid for dinner and the movie and I paid for the drinks afterwards. There was no discussion, it just happened that way. When Mags and I went out to dinner to talk, I told him beforehand that I didn’t really have extra money to spend and he told me not to worry and that he would take care of it.

Anyway…I was watching something last night and there was a blind date and at the end, the guy said “let’s join forces on this one.” What a cheesy way to surprise a woman…

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
12:07 pm

my 12 yo daughter has been hearing me say “don’t take anything from a male without knowing what he expects in return.”……..-Dan- that made me think, I have a 12 year old daughter as well. I have never had conversation. Our talks are more along the lines of “Daddy and Papa are the only good men on earth. Boys are evil, stay away.”

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
12:10 pm

I’m all for “girl power/solidarity” but some stuff is foul and should be acknowledged as such.

Dan – Now you see our frustration when upstanding dudes such as yourself and others don’t call foul to alot of the shenanigans spouted out by some of the male blog posters. Why is everything women do and think dissected and analyzed and put down, while alot of male practices are just allowed to ride?

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
12:12 pm

@Cel

My 11:51 wasn’t commenting on anyone’s budget, I was responding to a statement made upthread about how much a commentor admitted what she would spend on herself vs what she would allow someone else to spend on her. And the fact that the dude should spend the money without any romantic expectations and that being okay.

As for the rest of your post, it’s whatever. CBP: I don’t know you, you don’t know me, so your impression of my comments can be whatever you want to think you know about me.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
12:13 pm

@Kimmie

I call shenanigans when I see them. Fact is, I don’t get the opportunities to blog like I used to.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
12:14 pm

And teachering daughters about expectations….men expect sex. It’s a given. It’s not a crime, it’s not the end of the world and it’s certainly not a deal breaker. It’s just not owed nor due. It’s whether we’re eating together or not. Just don’t get bamboozled into believing pay date if after dinner. IJS Now, just like you have expectations, so do I. I expect you to be a man about the answer being no. I expect you to understand that you asked me out and I met your expectations by saying yes. Everything on the other side of that and your expectations, is on you and for you to deal with.

I expect at some point I’ll give you some. But I expect you to understand when I do, I don’t owe you that. I expect after I’ve given you some, that you will take accountability at that point and do the dang thing…so forth and so on. So, let’s not toss out expectations cause you rubbed two nickels together and handed to the waiter. I think if you’re going to truly “expect” something…like “expect” for real, do something that I can’t. At least then it’s “due” you.

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
12:14 pm

Anyway…I was watching something last night and there was a blind date and at the end, the guy said “let’s join forces on this one.” What a cheesy way to surprise a woman…

Bluz – That goes to show that sometimes it’s not about what you do but how you do it. I see nothing wrong with how you described how you and your dates handled finances. That’s how mature adults do things.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
12:15 pm

disco – You wish…lololol Worked up on the blog is over for me boo… Just saying what I gotta :mrgreen:

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
12:16 pm

@Du

I’m trying to stop the foolishness before it starts. I remember what I was like at 12….and I don’t want my daughter no where near that kinda kid.

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
12:18 pm

Dan – I gotcha. But if you were able to blog more, you’d understand why we haven’t called out the commenter I think you are referring to. And that’s all imma say about that. I can say that silence does not give consent, at least on my part. I’ve stated my position on how I handle things and that’s all I can do.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
12:20 pm

Dan – We’re just blogging and having dialog…that’s all. It’s not a “bad” blog day if we don’t all agree. You know, Kumbaya and stuff? LOLOL

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
12:25 pm

Dan – I want my daughter (10) to not only respect herself but respect others. That means don’t use people. Some may disagree, but no, if I knew a guy was sweet on me and I did not feel the same, I would not accept a date from him. And no, I don’t want my daughter feeling that just because a man spends any money on her she is obligated to get physical with him. Its something very wrong with both of those mindsets. I’ve seen the extreme of them before and it’s not pretty.

disco

April 11th, 2013
12:25 pm

dan – I’m not sure but you could be commenting on my movie post where I said the cost of me taking myself to the movies would be no more than $20 and I anticipate dude might spend up to $75. am I saying that I won’t spend $75 on myself? nope. just saying I won’t spend $75 taking myself to the movies.

disco

April 11th, 2013
12:29 pm

and to put a date spin on it – would I spend $75 on a date? sure. still, I’m not going to front like my spending money on a man is going to be the norm. it’s not and it won’t ever be.

disco

April 11th, 2013
12:36 pm

and… (lol) I’m going on and on and don’t even know if this is about me. I don’t even consider this movie thing a date. I don’t want dude. he knows I don’t want him. there are no mixed signals, hidden agendas, nothing. we both know what’s what. it is what it is.

abc

April 11th, 2013
12:36 pm

On the flip side, I’ve been on dates where the chick orders pretty much double of whatever, so she has plenty to take home, along with a nice dessert in a box. Those didn’t result in repeat invitations; taking advantage of a man’s generosity is generally a way to not get asked out again.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
12:40 pm

@Cel

It’s always all good for me. I’m happy to have this opportunity to communicate with y’all.

@Kimmie

Point taken (about the ‘unknown’ commentor). As to your 12:25, it’s easy to watch how “I borrowed a dollar from my friend” morphs into something more sinister when those hormone get to whispering at your soul, I seen it go from innocent to not.

@Disco

Yes, I was referring to your post. And the fact that you said you had no romantic interest in the fella. The questions I pose to you directly then is: does he know that this outing is just shared company? And, if that’s the case, why not chip in on your half of the expenses? Cause as you stated, if you were on the dolo, you wouldn’t spend that; so why let him? That doesn’t seem like friendship or respect (for him or yourself).

That’s what made me bring up the daughters thing. I feel like it’s not fair to either party for misconceptions to arise, and as far as my daughter (and all my female relatives) I also don’t think it’s a safe, or wise, practice (SWIDT?).

disco

April 11th, 2013
12:44 pm

dan – I won’t chip in my half because I don’t have to. plain and simple. that’s just how we do. I’m cool with it, he’s cool with it. like I said, it is what it is. it doesn’t bother him, it doesn’t bother me, it shouldn’t bother dan. lol.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
12:45 pm

Dan – The more the merrier :mrgreen:

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
12:45 pm

What have I missed? Dan/disco going back on forth how much one would spend on themselves??

disco ain’t spending any $$ on herself when she’s invited out by another who’s willing to spend his $$.

Had to run out and get a copy of a report and went to turn my windshield wipers on to clear off some of the pollen. Next thing I know, I’m watching my left wiper fly through the air….drove to Auto Zone and asked for a replacement since I recently bought the wayward one (about 5 months ago). At first, one employee begrudingly said I would have to buy another one. I asked if he owned this store or was the manager of the the store, he said no. Alrighty then, we got that out of the way now let me speak to your manager. He happily replaced the wiper! Sure, the wiper was only $16, but it was $16 I knew I didn’t have to spend.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
12:49 pm

@Disco

It does not bother the D in the least.

To place the period on the conversation, just be careful that he doesn’t start showing signs of your arrangement bothering him.

My pivot from your situation to the larger point is still applicable. Even when I was actively dating more than one woman, I was amazed at the stories they told about how dudes were acting. The only thing I could offer them is that it’s not [her], and it’s not every dude that thinks that way.

disco

April 11th, 2013
12:54 pm

D – if this arrangement bothered him he could have been gone. if and when he ever feels like it bothers him, he can be gone. if you are implying that he might want to try crazy I’ve long since let him know that my crazy is crazier than his crazy. he knows what’s what. lol.

D – this thing with men, women and money is the way of the world. I’ve joked – “why did God make men? so women don’t have to pay for stuff”. lol.

leggs – a friend of mine was venting this morning re an acura headlight costing $200. she is feeling some kind of way.

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
12:54 pm

Leggs – way to go on fighting for that replacement that you rightfully deserved!!! Pretty bad when the pollen is so thick that it breaks your wipers! LOL

Single and Happy

April 11th, 2013
12:58 pm

Dan, having been there done that, Disco did not ask him, he asked her, so why should she not go?

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
1:00 pm

Side note: I’m enjoying reading ya’ll today while I work on a boring project!!!

Single and Happy

April 11th, 2013
1:02 pm

Kimmie re your blind date comment, maybe he wasn’t physically attracted (LOL)

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
1:08 pm

Bluz ~ my boss said the same thing re:pollen

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
1:10 pm

Hey there dan! Have you been lurking reading disco’s stance on many things. You’re not going to break that stallion. Not that that’s your goal, IJS…

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
1:13 pm

@S/H

I’m not saying a woman should not accept an invite for an outing from a man. What I am saying is that both should be clear about the expectations for that outing (both during and after) to the best each of their ability.

I used a phrase on here (long, long, long) long time ago called ‘guerilla pimpin’ which was straight no chaser dating. This is what I want from you, this is what I’m willing to give and if ye’en wit it, I’ll make the same offer to your friend.

Again, that’s not the way of some of these kittens today, they’d rather lie (which I never understood), decieve (takes the fun out of it), or try and buy the ladies (and I’m faaaarrr to cheap for that).

My point is that every man has a trigger, some know there’s and some find out in a way that may affect someone else negatively.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
1:17 pm

@Leggs

No, I’m not trying to break her…though in my old days….let me stop.

I’ve just gotten real fatherly in these last few months, and I worry about the dangers that are out there – for anybody.

SBP – I don’t know Disco, and I wish her(?) nothing but the best.

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
1:25 pm

I’m so far removed from going dutch on a date, I can barely remember the concept. However, I did take wifey and her friend out recently. I grabbed $200.00 from the ATM. That was going my budget for the evening. By the time I slipped the hostess a twenty to seat us right away (we had no reservations), bought dinner and drinks, that 200 was a wrap. We get to the next venue, its 10 bucks to park and twenty a piece to get in. I had to come clean, “I’m out of bread. I need to get some more cash to pay yall way in.” They said “Man, you know we got you.” They paid my way in and bought the drinks all night…..That’s Dutch.

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
1:38 pm

Even in your days, you wouldn’t be the one who could break her (lol). Trust.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
2:11 pm

Damn…I guess the bottom dropped out of this one in a hurry…..

Exiled

April 11th, 2013
2:11 pm

Du….u always seem to move in threes!
What’s up with that?

@Celisea…u can pick up my enquiry from here…I’m busy to come back and find out :lol:
But will read later…

I enjoyed yesterday’s discussion on Du and the ol girl from back I’m the day. :lol:

Uall had me rolling

Du cant tell u he smashed :lol:

MsAtl was advising Du to tell chic that he is now married and blah blah blah …that’s was funny MsAtl :lol:

Men don’t do that :lol:

Du…u handled that situation good men
Ok carry on

Exiled

April 11th, 2013
2:12 pm

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
2:13 pm

He swings, Ex (lol).

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
2:15 pm

Meello – Inquiry? About the 3 dates and smashing is next? Sorry, not being funny just not sure what you’re asking.

Funny, I almost asked if his date with wifey and friend (1:25), was a swinger’s outing. But decided against it.

I thought yesterday’s discussion was good too….robust :mrgreen:

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
2:17 pm

Chile, I could NOT be a swinger. I like my man to myself….uh uh. We’d be fighting before the night was over…lol I might get offended on a move she’d put on him oooooor I’d be thinking they’re hooking up behind my back. That’s why I’on do or ever been open to 3somes.

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
2:17 pm

@Leggs – “He swings”……it also hangs…lol

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
2:18 pm

To clarify, I’ve never been asked…JIC someone was wondering at my statement.

disco

April 11th, 2013
2:18 pm

leggs – that 1:38. no comment needed. lol.

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
2:19 pm

Afternoon, all!

Just popping in to say hi.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
2:20 pm

MMeello? Well, since you’re gone, if I’m not here when you come back, just clarify for me and I’ll answer when I come back…k?

BBL…….

cba

April 11th, 2013
2:21 pm

Jada said her man can do whateeeeeever he wants!! My wife asked me why that made me smile ;-)

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
2:22 pm

To the left or to the right, DuShawn, I kid (lololol).

disco ~ :wink:

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
2:23 pm

Never considered myself a swinger, and most likely could not / would not do it as a lifestyle, but I had a couple handfuls of 3’somes…… Even found myself in a full on Orgy once……..

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
2:24 pm

Jada may be bending the truth on that one. Or there’s more than that one stipulation she spoke on.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
2:27 pm

When I was living with the stipper (for 2 months til my apt was ready) and some chick that walked off from her hubby (they were tighter friends), they had about 6 REEEEALLLY young cats up in the spot one day and stuff was about to jump off. I was like “HOOOLLUP HOOOLLUUUP, let me get my purse so I can get up out of here” They gave me a couple minutes or I was gonna be privy to an all out orgy. I was butt cheeks and elbows. I told the kid’s dad (cause I was leaving out to meet him) and he was like that’s a dang shame. Looking back, I bet if I would have invited his freaky behind he woulda been down like “fo flat ties”

Exiled

April 11th, 2013
2:27 pm

Ok in the bathroom dumping but:

Cel…I meant(asked) what Leggs answered…not that the answer I’d true…Du can clarify..but I doubt it.

Just a pattern Cel and me are mouthing…

:lol: remember ‘Red’?

Du wld write a good juicy book if he ever thought of writing a romantic novel…I wld read it!

:lol:

Ok …wiping and I’m gone..

This j o b is paying my bills but it’s no j o k e!
Later…

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
2:27 pm

For the record, I’m not a swinger. I just prefer girls that like girls.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
2:29 pm

Mmeello – You stoopid…I just lol’d at your nasty little 2:27

Okay…back to work…gotta get on the grind. I’m slipping

disco

April 11th, 2013
2:30 pm

leggs – I just had a guy friend ask me if I was coming to the jazz fest in dc this summer. I don’t go every year but I go often enough. typically I go on his dime. I recently checked hotel rates at the host hotels thinking I might go on my own and immediately decided I was tripping. if I go, I’ll once again go on his dime. rooms at $200 or so/night, 3 days’ worth of overpriced concert tickets, parties and miscellaneous. if I go, I’ll let him pay. doesn’t bother him, doesn’t bother me. lol. truth be told – and I hate to sound like a rap song but – I’ve got several in different area codes. lolol.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
2:31 pm

“For the record, I’m not a swinger. I just prefer girls that like girls.”

Co-signing….. Best thing EVA……. :D :) :D

Single and Happy

April 11th, 2013
2:33 pm

Disco your wrong for using that man like that :o

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
2:33 pm

disco – You must have some fiya azz “friendship” for these cats to break bread just to hang out with you.

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
2:35 pm

Ex ~ the words came out of his own mouth. He’s given many stories.

disco ~ I ain’t mad at you. If they know, they’re fine with it, then who cares! They’re grown and they know the real deal, that’s all that matters. Can’t be used when you know what’s going on and you still complete the transaction!

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
2:36 pm

disco, 1 room or 2???

daddy swiss

April 11th, 2013
2:36 pm

Since we’re on the topic of smoking hot lipstick lesbians (that is the topic, right?)… Holy smokes, check out this chick: http://inamerica.blogs.cnn.com/2013/04/11/biracial-lesbian-contestant-a-trailblazer-in-miss-south-carolina-pageant/?hpt=hp_c3

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
2:36 pm

@ Disco

I ain’t down on yo pimpin, pimpin. If you gittin like that, git it.

@Du

Co sign, sadly.

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
2:39 pm

You’re probably at the top with your “bartering” system (lol).

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
2:39 pm

swiss… She could get me to pay for several dates…. ( and she can bring her girl along if she likes!!)

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
2:41 pm

Naaah, I’m not buying it. Little boy blue, maybe?

disco

April 11th, 2013
2:41 pm

D – as I typed that I had to laugh at myself but I swear I’m not lying. they stay sniffing around I guess cuz they like what they smell or maybe it’s male ego and they think they’ll eventually conquer. who knows? I haven’t been (physically) involved with any of these cats in years (and some of them never). and when I say years I mean like 10 – 15 years. yet they be sweating me. lol. yeah. I must have good “girl game”. the movie guy is the most recent ex but I cut him off from the “good good” like 2 years ago. guess he just doesn’t want to move on.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
2:43 pm

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
2:44 pm

Boy, you guys are funny. Dan, are you not down because she’s a female playa? You’d probably give mad dap if a man was telling the same story!!!

The way she talks, she’d probably beat some of you at your own game! Be looking sideways wondering “did I just get got!”

disco

April 11th, 2013
2:44 pm

court – it’s been both 1 room and 2. if I confirm in January/February when he usually books he’ll get two rooms. if I wait until the last minute or just show up, well, then I have to share a room. one year I showed up unannounced and one of his partners was sharing a room with him. guess who got kicked out the room? lol.

Single and Happy

April 11th, 2013
2:47 pm

“did I just get got!” lmao

Single and Happy

April 11th, 2013
2:50 pm

Disco, he kicked his partner out for you?? which means he was paying for the room?? (giving the side eye look)

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
2:50 pm

@Leggs

What I said was “I’m not mad at the games you play to your benefit with men knowledgeable that this may not lead to a (sexual) realtionhip.”

As for getting “beat”, I haven’t changed *that much*. I still don’t play games.

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
2:53 pm

Cool Dan. I briefly skimmed over many of the posts when I logged back in.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
2:55 pm

disco, did he kick out his potna or his “partner” ????? :)

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
2:55 pm

Single – Regarding your 1:02 – Well it wasn’t a blind date(remember I said our parents knew each other so we kinda ran in the same circles), but he stayed around for a few dates, I think he was attracted!LOL! Honestly, to me he was very cute in the face but WAY too skinny so I was not that physically attracted to him. We liked each other. I used to meet him i the library and bring him food when he was pledging. We were college kids, had a lot going on. Wonder what he’s up to today?

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
2:58 pm

Single ~ with that type of scenario, bet he warned his friend that she may “pop up.” Secondary housing was already in place or his friend was local.

disco

April 11th, 2013
2:58 pm

single – they were splitting the costs of the room but my boy ended up giving old boy his half of the money back and sent him on his merry way. that particular year was when the fest was in VA and they had rooms in dc. the fest has since been moved out to Columbia county MD and prices are a bit better.

court – funny. I’m sure it was his potna and not his partner. lol. I will say this I think his boys be feeling some kind of way when I show up. I’ve been around too long. I know too much. most of them come without their wives/girlfriends as this is their annual boys’ getaway and you know how that can go. lol.

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
2:58 pm

Dan – I understand you feeling fatherly, with a baby on the way and all. A lot of your perspective on things change (or should) when you become a parent.

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
3:00 pm

I always put too much of my business on here, but hell, yall don’t know me and its all lies anyway, don’t believe it. I remember when I was dating wifey and it started getting serious between us, she said “If you ever meet a chick that you are tempted to f&*ck behind my back, bring her home so I could meet her. Cause she has to be a bad muffugga for you to jeopardize loosing me.” I thought to myself, dayum this a gangsta azz little broad. I may have to keep this.

daddy swiss

April 11th, 2013
3:04 pm

“A lot of your perspective on things change (or should) when you become a parent.”

kimmie — On that note, little Swiss Mochette is staying with one of Mrs. Swiss’ stay-at-home mom friends during the days that Mrs. Swiss goes into the office. The friend has a little boy about 1 or so. I saw a picture the friend took of her little one and Swiss Mochette chilling on the play pad together. Is it wrong that I was already thinking, “That boy has a perpetual stupid look on his face. Definitely not good enough for my girl.” lol

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
3:05 pm

@Du: So following that logic, and going back to yesterday’s conversation…….. :lol: :lol:

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
3:13 pm

It’s all lies, ITL :lol: :lol:

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
3:16 pm

@Leggs: Or fantasy. :lol:

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
3:16 pm

daddy swiss ~ that will be your sentiment until she meets someone like you!

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
3:16 pm

Swiss – LOL!! No it was not wrong at all!!! Shoot, the kids today start early, meaning WE gotta start early checking things out!!

Mine know I don’t miss a beat!!!!

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
3:17 pm

@Swiss: You are such a daddy. :) Have you ever heard the “Cleanin’ this Gun” song? I could so see you doing that.

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
3:18 pm

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
3:18 pm

Awwww @ Leggs’ 3:16. I co-sign.

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
3:19 pm

ILT – On the realla, I would’ve introduced them if I thought their personalities were compatible. Wifey and Red wanted to meet her, but that would not have gone well. I had already begun to suggest to the sweetheart, that if she was open to that, I may be able to fit her in to my life. Then again, it’s all lies and fantasies.

daddy swiss

April 11th, 2013
3:24 pm

kimmie / Leggs / ITL — Yeah, the daddy hyper-protective instincts have definitely kicked in big time. I keep a close eye on everyone & everything when it comes to the little munchkin.

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
3:25 pm

uD: No judgment here. Just enjoy reading you most days, true or not.

daddy swiss

April 11th, 2013
3:26 pm

ITL — Yeah, I’ve been thinking about buying a shotgun. Either that or home waterboarding kit.

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
3:26 pm

DuShawn sounds like my “so I’ve been told…”

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
3:30 pm

Sounds like your “third eye” instincts are in full bloom, daddy swiss!

daddy swiss

April 11th, 2013
3:32 pm

Dang, Leggs! See now, single, childless swiss would have been all over that “third eye” remark. But grown, daddy swiss feels dirty for recognizing the double entendre. lol

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
3:34 pm

Single ITL thinks it is HILARIOUS! :)

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
3:38 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol:

You will be amazed at how having a child will alter your perspective on a lot of things (especially a daughter).

daddy swiss

April 11th, 2013
3:41 pm

Leggs — Very true. BTW, I’m totally not buying the notion that you are innocently and unwittingly throwing out those softballs for me to tee off on. You’re testing me, I know it. lol

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
3:42 pm

Last week Wifey and I were in attendance for this play my 9 year old son was in. It was celebrating African Americans contributions to the arts. He was Stevie Wonder and sung “Living for the City”. It was hilarious; he was into it and getting down! We were proud. This weekend were doing the Orlando thing with the children. Model parents. Mommy and Daddy just like to get their freak on…….and sometimes Aunti likes to join in.

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
3:43 pm

Random: Is it 5 yet?!?!?!? Never fails, on a day you’ve got plans after work, the clock stops moving.

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
3:46 pm

@Du: Now you’ve got the other guys jealous.

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
3:47 pm

Light – Whatchu doing after work?

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
3:47 pm

ITL, U gotta hot date?!?!?!?

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
3:48 pm

Kimmie: Going out to get an early start on the day of birth festivities. :)

@Court: I’on know….you coming? :wink:

Single and Happy

April 11th, 2013
3:50 pm

Kimmie I was talking about the movie comment

Disco his friend was a good one because if it was me you guys would have had to leave, or all three of us would have been up in there, but I ain’t sharing no room with no man anyway. (LOL)

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
3:52 pm

ITL…That’s completely up to you…….. :D

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
3:54 pm

I’m Birthdayed the f&*ck out. I have been partying every night since Monday. I’m tired, I don’t want to celebrate anymore, it’s over.
My potnah just called me talkin bout”Wuzzup Birthday Boy! it’s the Weekend Let’s get it poppin!” Man, I need a dayum nap.

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
3:55 pm

ITL – I hear that!!! By the way…think I’m staying in tonight with the nasty weather coming in. Sometimes, I wish I lived up that way!!!

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
3:58 pm

@Court: Mmmmm hmmmm. :wink:

@Du: Why thank you for the lovely birthday wishes. :lol:

@Bluz: I understand. I’m hoping if we go to Ds afterward there will be a good crowd. My soul needs some blues music!!!

Durty Burd

April 11th, 2013
3:59 pm

Durty always pay on a first date, heck sometimes I treat the my female co-workers. Can’t do that too often that start thinking you like them and they want to invite you over for some loving.

Let me translate Disco’s outing in DC with the meeting the married dude. Threesome all day long… Disco is a playa but she will get busy with the best of them..

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
3:59 pm

This Con Funk Shun Radio on Pandora is so so raw.. they have been getting it in all day.

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
4:01 pm

ITL – I’m sure it will be…even the storms won’t keep the people who live close away!!! I hate missing it. Dang weather!!!

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
4:01 pm

Go on with yo bad self Light! Rock that birthday girl!!

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
4:03 pm

ITL – can I get you a gift?

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
4:03 pm

@Bluz: I’m hoping L and L will be there tonight. Or some familiar faces, anyway. Wish Mudcat was going to be there. Now that would be a celebration!!!!

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
4:03 pm

Dang, and no Scandal tonight either! :(

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
4:04 pm

Thanks, Kimmie!

@Du: Is that a trick question?

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
4:06 pm

“Dang, and no Scandal tonight either!”

It will be plenty of Scandal going on if I should happen to get caught up in a thunderstorm with an ITL that’s had a couple of drinks!!! :D

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
4:07 pm

Must admit, daddy swiss, the 3rd eye comment was innocent. I was simply thinking of a parent’s radar and their antenna going up.

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
4:07 pm

No.. What would like? Is today the actual day?

disco

April 11th, 2013
4:08 pm

durty – what married dude did I meet? i met a dude that’s “seeing someone” (his words). i’m still working on that. lol.

kimmie – scandal still on? lol. I’ve fallen way off. don’t remember the last episode I saw. it’s been a minute.

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
4:09 pm

@Du: Awwww, your thought is gift enough. The actual day is Saturday.

@Court: Just…..dayum…..man…..just….dayum.

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
4:10 pm

Court – Just make sure you don’t make ITL go Dutch, you know it being her birthday and all!!!LOL!! And don’t take her to CiCi’s Pizza either. Don’t be cheap!!

LIght – Girl, make him PAY, break the BANK!!LOL!!!

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
4:10 pm

Ummm, something is attacking my face. I just suddently broke out in a bunch of tiny, itchy welps on my face. WTH…..

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
4:13 pm

ITL – I’m sure they’ll be there, although I don’t get along with one of them anymore…I’ll fill you in on that later…

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
4:14 pm

Today is my Friday and it’s moving way too slow!!!

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
4:15 pm

Come on kimmie…. on the real, I never do anything less than Little Caesars for pizza, and since its her birthday, she can go all out and get the three meat special AND the crazy bread……

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
4:15 pm

Leggs – maybe it’s allergies due to this pollen?

disco

April 11th, 2013
4:15 pm

bluz – well that’s what you get for bragging. lol.

daddy swiss

April 11th, 2013
4:15 pm

“and their antenna going up.”

“Ummm, something is attacking my face. I just suddently broke out in a bunch of tiny, itchy welps on my face.”

Leggs — Totally innocent. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeah. That’s the ticket… :lol:

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
4:16 pm

:lol: @ kimmie. I need to sign up for Kimmie Coaching.

@Bluz: My Friday, too! Yippee!!!

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
4:17 pm

disco

April 11th, 2013
4:17 pm

court – your restaurant splurges got me thinking about my cousin. I talked to her the other day at lunchtime and she was on her way to the corner restaurant where she planned to get a fish plate for $5. she said for $5 she would get a plate full of whiting, some cole slaw, some French fries and not one, but two, slices of white bread. her excitement about it is what set it off. lol.

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
4:18 pm

since its her birthday, she can go all out and get the three meat special AND the crazy bread……

Can we get a 2 Liter of Dr. Pepper, too???? If I say pretty please?

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
4:19 pm

Court-Don’t be cheap bruh. Get her a couple of bags of the free Little Ceasars cookies too. They only give them to you if you ask for them.

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
4:20 pm

daddy swiss ~ I read over the antenna comment and said “oh boy.” I have a lot on my mind, but those comments were innocent while I was typing them. Take on a different meaning when you re post (lol).

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
4:22 pm

Little Ceasars has cookies?!?!??!???!? :lol: :lol: :lol:

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
4:22 pm

Little Ceasars has cookies?!?! I so did not know that!!!

Dang…now, I’m craving pizza…

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
4:22 pm

TMI, but, I so shouldn’t have started my new healthier eating when I’m PMS’ing!!!

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
4:24 pm

@disco: Fish sounds pretty good, but that two slices of white bread iced the cake! :)

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
4:25 pm

Speaking of Food, I went to “This Is It” on Panola the other day and got some Ox Tails, greens, rice, mac & cheese and a large lemonade. That shid was $18.00! They done bump they head in there. If i wasn’t so hungry, I would’ve told them to keep that.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
4:27 pm

ITL…Get the cookies if you like……while we are at it..we might want to get a second pizza…You know, just in case you get a taste for sausage in the middle of the night……

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
4:27 pm

I still have my This Is It $25 gift card. Always thought I could get a meal for two with it, guess not.

Yes, ITL, I still have it (lol).

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
4:30 pm

Mmmmmmm…sausage….

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
4:32 pm

disco, if you ever make to these parts, I will take you over to PinUps for lunch…You can get the T bone steak an baked potato and a salad for $3.95…. That has always been the best deal on the east side…..

daddy swiss

April 11th, 2013
4:32 pm

“Mmmmmmm…sausage….”

Alright, that’s it! I’m being punk’d aren’t I???? lol

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
4:33 pm

Bluz, I guess you can have sausage too…. :D

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
4:35 pm

daddy swiss

April 11th, 2013
4:35 pm

“You can get the T bone steak an baked potato and a salad for $3.95…”

And for an extra $50, you can get your salad tossed in the champagne room.

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
4:36 pm

Say what!?!?!?!? :shock:

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
4:36 pm

Oh Swissykins. I knew you couldn’t hold out. :(

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
4:37 pm

daddy swiss

April 11th, 2013
4:37 pm

I fought it, ITL. I fought it with all my might. But I am only a man. lol

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
4:38 pm

It’s okay, Swissy. Let it all out…. c’mere and hug it out.

disco

April 11th, 2013
4:39 pm

leggs – an inconsequential line from temptation (and I’m paraphrasing). her: I’m sick of going to the $1.95 buffet. him: I’ll take you to the $5.95 buffet.

disco

April 11th, 2013
4:40 pm

swiss – is that what you know or is that what you “hear tell”?

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
4:41 pm

Man…this convo has taken a turn! LOL

daddy swiss

April 11th, 2013
4:41 pm

disco — I meant to add, “allegedly” lol

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
4:41 pm

It would be weird if it didn’t take a turn.

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
4:43 pm

tick….tick…..tick…….

disco

April 11th, 2013
4:44 pm

random: is there any kind of foot/shoe tape to keep your shoes from making that flip flop sound when you walk? I swear all that flipping and flopping can work a nerve.

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
4:48 pm

That’s the design of the show mules, disco, and the design of the flip flop. Sounds like you would like people to velcroe their heels to the sole.

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
4:48 pm

Do they really sell steaks in Pin Ups. I never saw anyone eating in there……well, not food anyway.

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
4:48 pm

@disco: Let me guess. It’s the toenail clipping co-worker.

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
4:48 pm

design of the shoe, mules….

I can barely keep my eyes open.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
4:51 pm

Du, yeah…. When I worked near the court house in Decatur that was the move……

disco

April 11th, 2013
4:52 pm

leggs – the sound just irks the heck out of me. seems like if they don’t have “tools” for that then folks should be able to adjust their stride to prevent it. it just sounds country as heck up in the workplace. I mean it’s all loud. a healthy “smacking” sound.

ITL – it’s several folks. the toenail cutter is the one who has the crusty flour-glass feet though.

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
4:53 pm

I’m outta here ya’ll! Have a good weekend. I’ll be back on Monday.

Durty Burd

April 11th, 2013
4:54 pm

Leggs I hope you feel better.

Disco I see you like to go out of town to get in….I ain’t mad atcha…

BluzGirl and sausage go together like meat and potato’s.

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
4:55 pm

LOL. Flour glass feet. I’ll use that phrase. Not to be confused with grocery store feet. :lol:

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
4:55 pm

Thank you, Durty. In time!

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
4:56 pm

Night, Bluz. Enjoy your sausage. LOL

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
4:56 pm

Stop dragging through life, find your song… ~ Joel Osteen on the News last night.

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
4:57 pm

Okay, y’all. I’m out, too. Y’all have a good one and be sweet.

@Du: Safe travels to Orlando this w/e.

disco

April 11th, 2013
4:57 pm

durty – I see that you like to make assumptions. my real life friends get sick of listening to me whine about not getting any. lol. my guy friends get annoyed when I list the reasons why they aren’t the one that can’t break me off. whew, men are sensitive. call them out on a receding hair line, a bald spot or a beer belly and their little feelings get hurt.

daddy swiss

April 11th, 2013
4:58 pm

“BluzGirl and sausage go together like meat and potato’s BluzGirl.”

There, I fixed it for you. lol

disco

April 11th, 2013
4:59 pm

swiss – you been doing the dang thang today.

daddy swiss

April 11th, 2013
5:00 pm

Sometimes you just gotta let it out, disco. lol

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April 13th, 2013
7:45 am

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