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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP

Are you opposed to Dutch?

Earlier this week, we talked about how cheap dates have their place.  I then received an email asking about my opinion on “going Dutch” or paying half of the date.  So here it is: I don’t like having Dutch sprung on me.  If we are paying our own way, I prefer to have this information beforehand.

I think the people who oppose Dutch usually don’t like being asked out then being forced to pay their own way.  If we agree to do this ahead of time, it is different then going out and expecting someone to pay for you.

My opinion of a guy would change if he asks me out then expects me to pay my own way.  It’s hard to explain but I believe that if a guy does not want to take me out and pay my way, he does not think of me romantically.  I don’t mind paying my own way in a relationship, but I am old school when it comes to paying my way as part of dating.

What do you think? Are you against going Dutch?  Do you think a guy who asks a woman to pay her half of the bill sees her as a platonic friend?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

274 comments Add your comment

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
12:10 pm

I’m all for “girl power/solidarity” but some stuff is foul and should be acknowledged as such.

Dan – Now you see our frustration when upstanding dudes such as yourself and others don’t call foul to alot of the shenanigans spouted out by some of the male blog posters. Why is everything women do and think dissected and analyzed and put down, while alot of male practices are just allowed to ride?

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
12:12 pm

@Cel

My 11:51 wasn’t commenting on anyone’s budget, I was responding to a statement made upthread about how much a commentor admitted what she would spend on herself vs what she would allow someone else to spend on her. And the fact that the dude should spend the money without any romantic expectations and that being okay.

As for the rest of your post, it’s whatever. CBP: I don’t know you, you don’t know me, so your impression of my comments can be whatever you want to think you know about me.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
12:13 pm

@Kimmie

I call shenanigans when I see them. Fact is, I don’t get the opportunities to blog like I used to.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
12:14 pm

And teachering daughters about expectations….men expect sex. It’s a given. It’s not a crime, it’s not the end of the world and it’s certainly not a deal breaker. It’s just not owed nor due. It’s whether we’re eating together or not. Just don’t get bamboozled into believing pay date if after dinner. IJS Now, just like you have expectations, so do I. I expect you to be a man about the answer being no. I expect you to understand that you asked me out and I met your expectations by saying yes. Everything on the other side of that and your expectations, is on you and for you to deal with.

I expect at some point I’ll give you some. But I expect you to understand when I do, I don’t owe you that. I expect after I’ve given you some, that you will take accountability at that point and do the dang thing…so forth and so on. So, let’s not toss out expectations cause you rubbed two nickels together and handed to the waiter. I think if you’re going to truly “expect” something…like “expect” for real, do something that I can’t. At least then it’s “due” you.

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
12:14 pm

Anyway…I was watching something last night and there was a blind date and at the end, the guy said “let’s join forces on this one.” What a cheesy way to surprise a woman…

Bluz – That goes to show that sometimes it’s not about what you do but how you do it. I see nothing wrong with how you described how you and your dates handled finances. That’s how mature adults do things.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
12:15 pm

disco – You wish…lololol Worked up on the blog is over for me boo… Just saying what I gotta :mrgreen:

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
12:16 pm

@Du

I’m trying to stop the foolishness before it starts. I remember what I was like at 12….and I don’t want my daughter no where near that kinda kid.

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
12:18 pm

Dan – I gotcha. But if you were able to blog more, you’d understand why we haven’t called out the commenter I think you are referring to. And that’s all imma say about that. I can say that silence does not give consent, at least on my part. I’ve stated my position on how I handle things and that’s all I can do.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
12:20 pm

Dan – We’re just blogging and having dialog…that’s all. It’s not a “bad” blog day if we don’t all agree. You know, Kumbaya and stuff? LOLOL

kimmie

April 11th, 2013
12:25 pm

Dan – I want my daughter (10) to not only respect herself but respect others. That means don’t use people. Some may disagree, but no, if I knew a guy was sweet on me and I did not feel the same, I would not accept a date from him. And no, I don’t want my daughter feeling that just because a man spends any money on her she is obligated to get physical with him. Its something very wrong with both of those mindsets. I’ve seen the extreme of them before and it’s not pretty.

disco

April 11th, 2013
12:25 pm

dan – I’m not sure but you could be commenting on my movie post where I said the cost of me taking myself to the movies would be no more than $20 and I anticipate dude might spend up to $75. am I saying that I won’t spend $75 on myself? nope. just saying I won’t spend $75 taking myself to the movies.

disco

April 11th, 2013
12:29 pm

and to put a date spin on it – would I spend $75 on a date? sure. still, I’m not going to front like my spending money on a man is going to be the norm. it’s not and it won’t ever be.

disco

April 11th, 2013
12:36 pm

and… (lol) I’m going on and on and don’t even know if this is about me. I don’t even consider this movie thing a date. I don’t want dude. he knows I don’t want him. there are no mixed signals, hidden agendas, nothing. we both know what’s what. it is what it is.

abc

April 11th, 2013
12:36 pm

On the flip side, I’ve been on dates where the chick orders pretty much double of whatever, so she has plenty to take home, along with a nice dessert in a box. Those didn’t result in repeat invitations; taking advantage of a man’s generosity is generally a way to not get asked out again.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
12:40 pm

@Cel

It’s always all good for me. I’m happy to have this opportunity to communicate with y’all.

@Kimmie

Point taken (about the ‘unknown’ commentor). As to your 12:25, it’s easy to watch how “I borrowed a dollar from my friend” morphs into something more sinister when those hormone get to whispering at your soul, I seen it go from innocent to not.

@Disco

Yes, I was referring to your post. And the fact that you said you had no romantic interest in the fella. The questions I pose to you directly then is: does he know that this outing is just shared company? And, if that’s the case, why not chip in on your half of the expenses? Cause as you stated, if you were on the dolo, you wouldn’t spend that; so why let him? That doesn’t seem like friendship or respect (for him or yourself).

That’s what made me bring up the daughters thing. I feel like it’s not fair to either party for misconceptions to arise, and as far as my daughter (and all my female relatives) I also don’t think it’s a safe, or wise, practice (SWIDT?).

disco

April 11th, 2013
12:44 pm

dan – I won’t chip in my half because I don’t have to. plain and simple. that’s just how we do. I’m cool with it, he’s cool with it. like I said, it is what it is. it doesn’t bother him, it doesn’t bother me, it shouldn’t bother dan. lol.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
12:45 pm

Dan – The more the merrier :mrgreen:

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
12:45 pm

What have I missed? Dan/disco going back on forth how much one would spend on themselves??

disco ain’t spending any $$ on herself when she’s invited out by another who’s willing to spend his $$.

Had to run out and get a copy of a report and went to turn my windshield wipers on to clear off some of the pollen. Next thing I know, I’m watching my left wiper fly through the air….drove to Auto Zone and asked for a replacement since I recently bought the wayward one (about 5 months ago). At first, one employee begrudingly said I would have to buy another one. I asked if he owned this store or was the manager of the the store, he said no. Alrighty then, we got that out of the way now let me speak to your manager. He happily replaced the wiper! Sure, the wiper was only $16, but it was $16 I knew I didn’t have to spend.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
12:49 pm

@Disco

It does not bother the D in the least.

To place the period on the conversation, just be careful that he doesn’t start showing signs of your arrangement bothering him.

My pivot from your situation to the larger point is still applicable. Even when I was actively dating more than one woman, I was amazed at the stories they told about how dudes were acting. The only thing I could offer them is that it’s not [her], and it’s not every dude that thinks that way.

disco

April 11th, 2013
12:54 pm

D – if this arrangement bothered him he could have been gone. if and when he ever feels like it bothers him, he can be gone. if you are implying that he might want to try crazy I’ve long since let him know that my crazy is crazier than his crazy. he knows what’s what. lol.

D – this thing with men, women and money is the way of the world. I’ve joked – “why did God make men? so women don’t have to pay for stuff”. lol.

leggs – a friend of mine was venting this morning re an acura headlight costing $200. she is feeling some kind of way.

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
12:54 pm

Leggs – way to go on fighting for that replacement that you rightfully deserved!!! Pretty bad when the pollen is so thick that it breaks your wipers! LOL

Single and Happy

April 11th, 2013
12:58 pm

Dan, having been there done that, Disco did not ask him, he asked her, so why should she not go?

Bluzgirl

April 11th, 2013
1:00 pm

Side note: I’m enjoying reading ya’ll today while I work on a boring project!!!

Single and Happy

April 11th, 2013
1:02 pm

Kimmie re your blind date comment, maybe he wasn’t physically attracted (LOL)

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
1:08 pm

Bluz ~ my boss said the same thing re:pollen

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
1:10 pm

Hey there dan! Have you been lurking reading disco’s stance on many things. You’re not going to break that stallion. Not that that’s your goal, IJS…

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
1:13 pm

@S/H

I’m not saying a woman should not accept an invite for an outing from a man. What I am saying is that both should be clear about the expectations for that outing (both during and after) to the best each of their ability.

I used a phrase on here (long, long, long) long time ago called ‘guerilla pimpin’ which was straight no chaser dating. This is what I want from you, this is what I’m willing to give and if ye’en wit it, I’ll make the same offer to your friend.

Again, that’s not the way of some of these kittens today, they’d rather lie (which I never understood), decieve (takes the fun out of it), or try and buy the ladies (and I’m faaaarrr to cheap for that).

My point is that every man has a trigger, some know there’s and some find out in a way that may affect someone else negatively.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 11th, 2013
1:17 pm

@Leggs

No, I’m not trying to break her…though in my old days….let me stop.

I’ve just gotten real fatherly in these last few months, and I worry about the dangers that are out there – for anybody.

SBP – I don’t know Disco, and I wish her(?) nothing but the best.

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
1:25 pm

I’m so far removed from going dutch on a date, I can barely remember the concept. However, I did take wifey and her friend out recently. I grabbed $200.00 from the ATM. That was going my budget for the evening. By the time I slipped the hostess a twenty to seat us right away (we had no reservations), bought dinner and drinks, that 200 was a wrap. We get to the next venue, its 10 bucks to park and twenty a piece to get in. I had to come clean, “I’m out of bread. I need to get some more cash to pay yall way in.” They said “Man, you know we got you.” They paid my way in and bought the drinks all night…..That’s Dutch.

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
1:38 pm

Even in your days, you wouldn’t be the one who could break her (lol). Trust.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
2:11 pm

Damn…I guess the bottom dropped out of this one in a hurry…..

Exiled

April 11th, 2013
2:11 pm

Du….u always seem to move in threes!
What’s up with that?

@Celisea…u can pick up my enquiry from here…I’m busy to come back and find out :lol:
But will read later…

I enjoyed yesterday’s discussion on Du and the ol girl from back I’m the day. :lol:

Uall had me rolling

Du cant tell u he smashed :lol:

MsAtl was advising Du to tell chic that he is now married and blah blah blah …that’s was funny MsAtl :lol:

Men don’t do that :lol:

Du…u handled that situation good men
Ok carry on

Exiled

April 11th, 2013
2:12 pm

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
2:13 pm

He swings, Ex (lol).

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
2:15 pm

Meello – Inquiry? About the 3 dates and smashing is next? Sorry, not being funny just not sure what you’re asking.

Funny, I almost asked if his date with wifey and friend (1:25), was a swinger’s outing. But decided against it.

I thought yesterday’s discussion was good too….robust :mrgreen:

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
2:17 pm

Chile, I could NOT be a swinger. I like my man to myself….uh uh. We’d be fighting before the night was over…lol I might get offended on a move she’d put on him oooooor I’d be thinking they’re hooking up behind my back. That’s why I’on do or ever been open to 3somes.

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
2:17 pm

@Leggs – “He swings”……it also hangs…lol

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
2:18 pm

To clarify, I’ve never been asked…JIC someone was wondering at my statement.

disco

April 11th, 2013
2:18 pm

leggs – that 1:38. no comment needed. lol.

Into the Light

April 11th, 2013
2:19 pm

Afternoon, all!

Just popping in to say hi.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
2:20 pm

MMeello? Well, since you’re gone, if I’m not here when you come back, just clarify for me and I’ll answer when I come back…k?

BBL…….

cba

April 11th, 2013
2:21 pm

Jada said her man can do whateeeeeever he wants!! My wife asked me why that made me smile ;-)

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
2:22 pm

To the left or to the right, DuShawn, I kid (lololol).

disco ~ :wink:

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 11th, 2013
2:23 pm

Never considered myself a swinger, and most likely could not / would not do it as a lifestyle, but I had a couple handfuls of 3’somes…… Even found myself in a full on Orgy once……..

Leggs

April 11th, 2013
2:24 pm

Jada may be bending the truth on that one. Or there’s more than that one stipulation she spoke on.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
2:27 pm

When I was living with the stipper (for 2 months til my apt was ready) and some chick that walked off from her hubby (they were tighter friends), they had about 6 REEEEALLLY young cats up in the spot one day and stuff was about to jump off. I was like “HOOOLLUP HOOOLLUUUP, let me get my purse so I can get up out of here” They gave me a couple minutes or I was gonna be privy to an all out orgy. I was butt cheeks and elbows. I told the kid’s dad (cause I was leaving out to meet him) and he was like that’s a dang shame. Looking back, I bet if I would have invited his freaky behind he woulda been down like “fo flat ties”

Exiled

April 11th, 2013
2:27 pm

Ok in the bathroom dumping but:

Cel…I meant(asked) what Leggs answered…not that the answer I’d true…Du can clarify..but I doubt it.

Just a pattern Cel and me are mouthing…

:lol: remember ‘Red’?

Du wld write a good juicy book if he ever thought of writing a romantic novel…I wld read it!

:lol:

Ok …wiping and I’m gone..

This j o b is paying my bills but it’s no j o k e!
Later…

Dushawn

April 11th, 2013
2:27 pm

For the record, I’m not a swinger. I just prefer girls that like girls.

Celisea

April 11th, 2013
2:29 pm

Mmeello – You stoopid…I just lol’d at your nasty little 2:27

Okay…back to work…gotta get on the grind. I’m slipping

disco

April 11th, 2013
2:30 pm

leggs – I just had a guy friend ask me if I was coming to the jazz fest in dc this summer. I don’t go every year but I go often enough. typically I go on his dime. I recently checked hotel rates at the host hotels thinking I might go on my own and immediately decided I was tripping. if I go, I’ll once again go on his dime. rooms at $200 or so/night, 3 days’ worth of overpriced concert tickets, parties and miscellaneous. if I go, I’ll let him pay. doesn’t bother him, doesn’t bother me. lol. truth be told – and I hate to sound like a rap song but – I’ve got several in different area codes. lolol.