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Dating tip: Less conversation?

My friend Brian had a first date recently and he told me what many men often say about first dates: “She talked way too much,” which is apparently a huge turn off.  I always thought the first couple of dates are supposed to be “getting to know you” dates, so shouldn’t talking be required?  Well, it depends.  If you talk too much about the wrong thing, it can be a bad thing.

For instance, you talk too much about yourself, your exes, or reality television.  Brian said he would have preferred that she talked less if her conversation was going to consistently be, and I’m quoting here, “wack conversation,” end quote.  If you have to talk less to impress  someone, I think it is a bad sign.  What do you think?

Do you ever wish that your date talked less?  If you take conversation out of the equation, what else should you do on the first couple of dates?

My buddy Brian said that his best dates are conversation “light” and heavy on activity that lets you show your personality.  He likes going to Dave and Busters, sporting events, or bowling.  He likes to see a woman interact with other people and in different settings to get a good sense of how she carries herself.  His belief is that it is easy to be fake and phony when you are sitting at dinner talking, talking and talking some more. What do you think?

I know a lot of guys who hate talking on the phone, but it seems that men are more and more anti-conversation.  Is it just the guys I know?

Unlike Brian, I love conversation, so please weigh in!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

377 comments Add your comment

MissMoni

April 10th, 2013
7:31 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!!

I enjoy the art of conversation myself, however I have seen people spend time talking about inappropriate things on the first date & just in general. Personally, I’m not all into bowling, but I will participate at Dave & Busters and I love to SPECTATE at good sporting events, LOL! There are some men that actually enjoy good conversation and I know this because quite a few of my guy friends have the gift of gab and YES they are straight!

It all depends on the person and what is the topic of conversation. :-)

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2013
7:40 am

Hey all

His belief is that it is easy to be fake and phony when you are sitting at dinner talking, talking and talking some more. What do you think? Brian believes what he believes.

My buddy Brian said that his best dates are conversation “light” and heavy on activity that lets you show your personality. He likes going to Dave and Busters, sporting events, or bowling. He likes to see a woman interact with other people and in different settings to get a good sense of how she carries herself. Diva if these are the kind of dates he likes why didn’t he take her on them, and if she talked to much there then she’s probably not his type, move on to the next one.

You should never try to make someone into what you want them to be.

Exiled

April 10th, 2013
8:15 am

Less talk is faking. Better she just talks.

The more talk by both parties,the more realness.

MissMoni

April 10th, 2013
8:16 am

“You should never try to make someone into what you want them to be.” Great point Single and Happy! A person is going to be exactly who they are and we have the choice to deal with them or not.

Exiled

April 10th, 2013
8:22 am

‘Yes the are straight!’

MissMoni….eeghhh I don’t want Durty to get a heart attack after you confirm But you can’t Confirm 100 on the straightness of your friends unless they have actually nuttmeged U! They can be easily closeted especially black fo…our society (black) is very conservative and anti alternative lifestyle.

Who knew Eddie prior….if u just went by his physique and not to add his ant gay march with Ms King???

So u sampled?

(sorry Durty)

By the way I got Durty’s email if u need to break the ice -;)

(Meelo trying to ink a deal then get MissMoni’s friend as commission) :lol:

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 10th, 2013
8:33 am

“It all depends on the person and what is the topic of conversation”

There you go….

Morning all!!! :) :D :)

Exiled

April 10th, 2013
9:00 am

If I am gon buy u dinner,as the ladies insist a gent needs to do,u better talk babeehhhh. No closed mouf as u ‘eat’ my muuneey! :lol:

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
9:02 am

I hope Brian is reading because he needs a dose of reality…lol He sounds young (let’s hope) and like he’s one of those dudes where you have to conform to “his way.”

A person should be just who they are. If whatever that is, doesn’t suit you…move on! Whether she’s Chatty Cathy about world events or limited to reality tv. What, should woman become a dumb-bot just to impress? A person should NEVER fake the funk just to impress. You deserve what you get when the real person surface.

Me personally, I’m all about sitting down and chatting it up, rather than trekking across a basketball court or working up a sweat bowling, ONLY TO IMPRESS YOU. Don’t get me wrong, if we plan a date around such activities because that’s what we want to do, cool. But just to slap a muzzle on and become a Globe Trotter and that ain’t me? Ain’t happening.

I hate men that hate women that talk too much. I say that because “talk too much” are often those men that are close minded and “limit women.” I guess she should have kept it to 4.7 sentences, a big butt and a smile :mrgreen:

MissMoni

April 10th, 2013
9:02 am

LOL at Ex, you’ve started EARLY this morning!!! :-)

MissMoni

April 10th, 2013
9:04 am

-Celisea I like the “Chatty Cathy” reference, never heard that one. I’m not one to actually bowl because it’s murder on my nails. ;-)

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
9:05 am

I’ve been told I talked to much, but that’s usually from some cat that ain’t got nothing but one thing on his mind. Orrrr, I’ve been in situations where I KNEW they wanted to “take it there” as in conversation, but I kept talking and kept it moving. Naw, we ain’t gon get all stanky at the table cause yousa freak!!! When I know a dude is like that, I’ll pull out my “God is good” card in a minute. Talk about butt cheeks and elbows. Women ain’t dumb…trust me on that. For men like that, that I’ve encountered, no way was I gonna let them steer the convo or the wheel for that matter.

Okay, think I’m gonna work and lurk today. :) If I don’t pop back in, you kids have a fantab rest of the day!!

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
9:08 am

MissMoni – That’s what the fam calls me….lol As you can see. IMO, it’s show a person is vivacious, vibrant, full of life. Who wants to be cute and mute :shock:

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
9:10 am

Reminds of a first date I went on. First we went to a massage palor (very nice) and then to lunch. He did a lot of talking and said he liked me because I didn’t “monopolize” the conversation. Heck, I really couldn’t interject much to what he was saying. A few “yeah’s,” “ok’s,” or “really” here and there. We didn’t go on a second date.

You should talk, both parties, on a date. That’s how you get to know one another. A one-sided conversation leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Good morning.

disco

April 10th, 2013
9:17 am

good morning y’all.

talk too much. lol. I think this is one of those things where it’s not so much that the date is talking too much as it is that you aren’t feeling them or what they are talking about. some folks I don’t want to hear any words that come out of their mouth. the right one can talk all day and I’ll sit their with a cheesy grin on my face and soak it all up.

re activity dates. they’re cool and keep conversation minimal. they serve their purpose but at the end of the day you need to like the person you are with and that boils down to it being just you and them and no external activities to distract from that.

disco

April 10th, 2013
9:21 am

ex – re no closed mouth while eating your money. that’s funny because I’ve been there. not caring what he’s talking about and certainly not caring to contribute. lol.

disco

April 10th, 2013
9:32 am

leggs – re one sided conversations. I have an aunt and a friend that can go. I think I talk a lot but they both have me beat. I can call either of them and the conversation goes like this. they will say “hello”. I’ll say “hey. what’s up?” and then there can be 30, 45 minutes of conversation where I just laugh and say “okay” or “for real” or “shut up”. they are perfect to call when you just need a distraction.

random – saw temptation last night. not sure but I think it was dushawn who claimed he almost teared up. when the topic shifts I’m ready to throw in my few pennies.

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
9:36 am

disco ~ when you throw in your 2 cents, don’t give too much away. I still haven’t seen it.

MsAtl

April 10th, 2013
9:41 am

Morning All!

I have actually suggested bowling as a first date because I wanted to be able to talk but not HAVE to talk a whole lot. As y’all know, I am a talker, but I was older than him and did not want to sit at a restaurant with awkward silence between us. It worked out well and our next date was at a restaurant where we could talk more. I agree with not talking about your ex on a first date (where they do that at?), however, if she doesn’t talk about herself then how can he get to know her?

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
9:41 am

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MsAtl

April 10th, 2013
9:42 am

Leggs- What are you waiting for? Go see it so you won’t hamper the conversation.

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
9:47 am

O/T: first day w/o stockings…feels wonderful

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
9:47 am

:lol: :lol: Yes ma’am.

MissMoni

April 10th, 2013
9:50 am

-disco I was just waiting for a story about 1 of your family members on this topic. I’m sure while your aunt is talking that she has some interesting stories thrown in there too, LOL! :-)

DreamsMaterialize

April 10th, 2013
9:55 am

Morning
Like most topics, this depends on the people involved and the circumstance. There have been women that talked on end about things that really interested me, and others talked about things that didn’t really interest me at all. It really just depends on how we vibe. As far as what type of date to go on, it also depends on the people and the circumstance. I’m fine going to dinner and shutting the restaurant down with conversation, and I’m just as comfortable making a night of it go-cart racing, bowling, or listening to live music.

disco

April 10th, 2013
9:56 am

moni – my aunt is wide open. I mentioned her yesterday. she’s the one who said to name the baby Penelope. lol. she lives in NYC. one time she was telling me she walking along minding her own business and a guy was washing his car. said guy grabbed a pigeon and buffed his car with it. I swore she was lying. she swore she was telling the truth. she said she asked dude about it. something to do with the feathers being absorbent. go figure.

leggs – as far as I’m concerned there really is no such thing as a spoiler alert. you can tell me what happens but I still need to see it / experience it for myself. besides, my few cents aren’t so much about what happened in the movie as it is what I think about some stuff.

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
10:00 am

No doubt I still would need to see it, experience it for myself, but the anticipation is lost if I know what’s coming. That’s one of the thrills of watching a movie. Not only that, I really love figuring things out on my own w/o a heads up.

MissMoni

April 10th, 2013
10:00 am

-disco He buffed his car with a pigeon?!?!?! THIS is definitely my big belly laugh for the morning, but we still have another 2 hours to go for you to try to top that, LMBO!!!

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
10:01 am

I planned on seeing it this weekend, so I hope to make that happen so I don’t hold you guys up.

cba

April 10th, 2013
10:06 am

Random: The “village” had closed shop when I logged in yesterday. Just a quick skim through to get the vibe of the day and for some reason, I always read the last comment of the day. And there he was, the Great Mr Steven Q Staney (cat man)…..” an unemployed midget preacher”…..I tell you, I needed that laugh badly.

OT: When I talk, I only learn what I already know. When I listen, I learn what you know….so for me, it would depend on whatya talkin bout :-)

LeeH1

April 10th, 2013
10:06 am

Well, I think we are getting some words mixed up. Talking is not conversation. At its worst, it is a diarrhea of the mouth- it is commanding, and refuses to let other people in.

Conversation is getting the other person(s) to contribute and guide the discussion. Few people know how to do this well. And it is like flirting- while women know how to seduce, they have never been taught how to flirt. Likewise, they have been taught how to talk, but not how to converse.

Psst! Hey lady- here’s a secret most men (and all good salespeople!) know- silence is a way of controlling a conversation. Most people hate silence, and so they will fill it up quickly. By being quiet, you can see how the woman reacts to silence, and what she fills it up with, which is usually noise.

MsAtl

April 10th, 2013
10:07 am

Moni- I’m saying! I had to cover my mouth so my co-workers don’t start thinking that my elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor. He buffed his car with a pigeon? Okay, I have to call that one; your aunt needs to show proof.

disco

April 10th, 2013
10:12 am

leggs – this weekend I’ll be all about the Jackie robinson movie. well, actually I’ll probably wait until Tuesday but it’s definitely next on my list.

lee – I want to comment but I can’t get my thoughts right.

atl – you know me. I asked her if she was high. she insists she wasn’t and she knows good and well what she saw. said dude had a little cage right there next to his bucket and his armor all and stuff. lol. it’s been a few years and she’s still sticking to her story.

MsAtl

April 10th, 2013
10:12 am

LeeH1- Women usually fill the silence with noise? Here we go lumping us all together again. But anyway, I have to agree with your point about silence being used to control. It is a tactic we use all the time. When the witness answers, we pause and the witness will usually start talking again. It is a very effective tool to get additional information from someone.

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
10:12 am

I too have never heard or seen anyone buff their car w/a pigeon. And, you would think the feathers wouldn’t soak up the water, much like those cheap sponges that are anything but absorbent at the Dollar Store.

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
10:14 am

disco ~ The Braves opening game is April 16th and it will be a celebration of Jackie Robinson. Going to the game with my boss and his wife. In terms of the movie, I am very glad they got “unknowns” to play him and his wife.

MsAtl

April 10th, 2013
10:14 am

Disco- Please, just stop! Do not give any further details. I am cracking up over here! That is the funniest thing I have heard in a while.

Leggs- Sounds like you want to test that theory. Does that Mythbusters show still come on?

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
10:16 am

MissMoni ~ everytime I see your moniker I think of the Monie Love…monei in the midddle, monie in the middle (she was pregnant at the time). Original “love on top” (lololol).

disco

April 10th, 2013
10:18 am

atl – it’s effective for folks who can’t stand silence and witnesses are typically nervous anyway. lol. I’m the opposite. live alone and spend a lot of time alone. I can go for extended periods of time without talking. it’s no big deal until I’ve got company and they are about to go bonkers from the silence. sometimes they’ll say some little thing and it’s all I can do not to scream “shut the eff up”. disrupting the peace up in here.

leggs – just last night I downloaded the book that 42 is based on. hope to read it over the weekend.

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
10:19 am

Not at all, MsAtl. I’ve had my fair share of pigeons and their poop growing up.

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
10:19 am

I totally disagree with LeeH1. If you’re sitting anywhere and not joining in simply to enjoy, but rather being all strategic, is called playing games. You don’t need to test grown folks. And “just wow” to women doing nothing but making noise.

I guess our rightful places are the kitchen and the bedroom, huh?

MsAtl – I agree from a tactical perspective but LeeH1 should know, it ain’t that deep. It’s not work, IT’S A DATE!! Sitting there strategizing is too much dang work for shooting the breeze.

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
10:21 am

Shut-up, strip down and brang (bring) my plate!!

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
10:23 am

Sounds good, disco. Let me know. Presently, I’m reading the “Book of Night Women” about Jamaican slaves, specifically a green-eyed mulatto who has killed a “johnny jumper” who came to rape her at the age of 15.

disco

April 10th, 2013
10:25 am

leggs – that book has been on my list for awhile. haven’t run across it at any of my second hand bookstores and the library doesn’t have it and well, you know I’m not a fan of paying too much for books. lol. is it good?

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
10:32 am

disco ~ I bought the book off amazon.com for $1.00.

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
10:33 am

I bought seven books that day and I don’t think I spent more than $4.00 for all. A few books were $.01

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
10:34 am

So far, it’s decent. After the killing, I haven’t gotten into any meat in the book, but now that I’m half way through, hope to find out what these women of the night are about.

disco

April 10th, 2013
10:39 am

leggs – the last time I ordered books online I hit a lick and ordered an entire box of books. not like the little delivery box but daggone near a moving box full of books. it’s too much. I have a problem. lol. I’ve gotten better about purging books though and the re-sell bookstore near my house is the bomb. aside from classics and “keeper” books I try to go the ebook route when I can. do you have an ereader? if so, are you kindle, nook or other?

MsAtl

April 10th, 2013
10:41 am

Celisea- Yep, Hush that noise! Lol.

Disco- People complain that my house is too quiet. Even when I was married, the ex would come home and say it’s too quiet, why isn’t the tv on? He had to have background noise ALL the time. I can go days and my tv won’t come on.

MsAtl

April 10th, 2013
10:42 am

Disco- What site are you using? I used to go to the book store, but Borders closed. I would love to find a cheap site.

Penelope

April 10th, 2013
10:42 am

Good morning, all

Dates should be fun and easy. A time to determine if you are compatible enough for further exploring.