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Dating tip: Less conversation?

My friend Brian had a first date recently and he told me what many men often say about first dates: “She talked way too much,” which is apparently a huge turn off.  I always thought the first couple of dates are supposed to be “getting to know you” dates, so shouldn’t talking be required?  Well, it depends.  If you talk too much about the wrong thing, it can be a bad thing.

For instance, you talk too much about yourself, your exes, or reality television.  Brian said he would have preferred that she talked less if her conversation was going to consistently be, and I’m quoting here, “wack conversation,” end quote.  If you have to talk less to impress  someone, I think it is a bad sign.  What do you think?

Do you ever wish that your date talked less?  If you take conversation out of the equation, what else should you do on the first couple of dates?

My buddy Brian said that his best dates are conversation “light” and heavy on activity that lets you show your personality.  He likes going to Dave and Busters, sporting events, or bowling.  He likes to see a woman interact with other people and in different settings to get a good sense of how she carries herself.  His belief is that it is easy to be fake and phony when you are sitting at dinner talking, talking and talking some more. What do you think?

I know a lot of guys who hate talking on the phone, but it seems that men are more and more anti-conversation.  Is it just the guys I know?

Unlike Brian, I love conversation, so please weigh in!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

377 comments Add your comment

abc

April 10th, 2013
10:43 am

I presume friend Brian isn’t very conversational himself, so (ahem) bowling (?!) might be preferable. Weird, but hey, to each his own.

In general, if a man doesn’t find a woman’s conversation interesting, that’s rather self-evident that there’s no interest, no?

Dushawn

April 10th, 2013
10:49 am

When the vibe is right, the conversation doesn’t require much thought. It flows effortlessly with no awkward silences. I don’t believe talking too much is a turn off, if we are both enthusiastic about the subject matter. Talking a lot, but saying nothing is what I don’t like.

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
10:50 am

It’s sooooo nice outside. I wish I could walk uptown today. I don’t have on shoes for walking…pooh

disco

April 10th, 2013
10:54 am

atl – that’s me too. super quiet at my house. you can hear the refrigerator hum most times. lol.

atl – I’ve pulled way back on shopping for books online. I live near BN (several actually) and have a nook so I take full advantage of “in store” perks.

kimmie

April 10th, 2013
10:56 am

Hey Gang!

I too, can’t stand to hear dudes moaning about a woman talking too much. It absolutely depends on the person and the topic of conversation. If she was not talking about something that interested him, then it’s evident they have nothing in common. Keep it moving. I mean, if he finds her shallow or an airhead, no doubt he kinda had an inkling of that before he asked her out. Choose better next time.

A conversation should be give and take. And you really know you are vibing when there is silence but you are not uncomfortable. Otherwise, that’s what you’re supposed to be doing when gettting to know someone – talking to each other. Heck, my hubs & I shut the place down on our first date, sitting at that table talking.

Too, alot of dudes that complain about women talking have nothing to offer a conversation themselves. They are either unintelligent or uninformed on anything, or just lack personality. Those weird types that just stare and have nothing to add to a conversation always turned me off. Give me a talker any day of the week.

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
10:57 am

disco ~ I just recently moved into the 21st century with a new cellphone that wasn’t a flip phone. No IPad, ereader, nook, smart phone…nada

Celisea ~ wish I was working outside because my legs are now cold inside. Going to hide-away and retrieve my heater.

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
10:59 am

Too, alot of dudes that complain about women talking have nothing to offer a conversation themselves. They are either unintelligent or uninformed on anything, or just lack personality.

Hahahaha….

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
11:02 am

Leggs – Not the “hide-away”…lol I saw where you said today is your first day not wearing hose. I took my off waaaay back when. I HATE hose. Only for church once it’s warm enough. No other day of the week.

My kid told me once that she likes to be at my sister’s because it feels so warm with all the noise…lol She said she likes all the ruckus. Said it’s too quiet at home.

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
11:02 am

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
11:04 am

Part of why I went to stockings versus pantyhose. You use to be able to find stockings (thigh highs) easily. Not so much now. Only a few places still sell. I’m sure you can probably order easily online.

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2013
11:06 am

Ms Atl, you shouldn’t talk about your ex on any date, let it go. If you have to talk about them, do it with your friends, not your potential mate.

Leggs, its a Tyler Perry movie, we all know whats coming (LOL)

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 10th, 2013
11:07 am

Lets see. now….MsAtl and disco would HATE it at my house…… I walk in the door and turn on the music..( Pandora, and it plays in EVERY ROOM of the house until I turn on the TV or get in the bed…. Likewise in the morning before I leave…….)

disco

April 10th, 2013
11:11 am

leggs – my ipod was a gift but I’m awfully glad I got it. I resisted getting a reader but, again, I’m awfully glad I broke down. I always carried a book with me. one in my purse and one in the car but it’s the bomb to carry a whole library with you. that’s what’s up.

celisea – my cousin was telling me that fishnets are back in with the teenage set. said the new fishnets even have designs in them.

s/h – what you saying? tyler perry is predictable? lol. I’ll say there were maybe two scenes in the movie that I didn’t see coming.

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
11:12 am

TP is doing the dang thing. I try to patronize him on every end. I’d rather get predictable, that will give folks a job and jobs to those forgotten than put his work down. I can appreciate the messages he tries to relay. I can also appreciate that he tries to keep it clean. I don’t really care for his plays but I’ve watched some that he’s put on DVD and I really enjoy the message he gives in the end, when talking to the audience or young folks.

disco – I have fishnets :) My coworker gave me a pair one year, with an assortment of socks and stuff. I don’t wear them really, but I’m keeping. I think they’re sexy.

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
11:15 am

Honestly, I think TP plays are more predictable than his movies. While we can surmise the outcome of his movies, most have been enjoyable enough to watch. I mean with most movies, we can predict the end. It’s just a dang good writer every now and again, that will leave the audience with their mouths opened. But for most movies, good wins over evil in the end….usually

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
11:15 am

He’s not really doing plays anymore

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
11:16 am

So much for lurking, huh?

Okay, back to work

kimmie

April 10th, 2013
11:18 am

I don’t like it too quiet. Don’t like a lot of noise, but do like to hear some life!

Disco – Like Leggs, I’m going to see Temptation this weekend. But did you see The Game last night?

Single and Happy

April 10th, 2013
11:18 am

Disco, very predictable, maybe this one is different :shock:

I’ll wait till it comes out on DVD. Oh wait that was a month before it hit the theater (LOL)

MissMoni

April 10th, 2013
11:21 am

O/T: I’ve been eating lunch since 11:10, today I just couldn’t wait til 11:30!

-Celisea I agree with your 11:15. I support him because his messages are good and need to be heard.

-Leggs You know I’m cracking up about you getting your secret heater, LOL!!!

MsAtl

April 10th, 2013
11:22 am

Single- I agree with you on that (talking about the ex on a date).

On TP- Yeah, he can be predictable at times, but I enjoyed the movie. And the Family That Preys was great! I support him regardless.

Celisea- Your co-worker is giving out fishnets? o_0

Court- I wouldn’t hate it. I like my quiet but that doesn’t mean I don’t jack up my Pandora or Spotify some days, especially while I’m cleaning. Now if I am trying to sleep, you need to turn it down!

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
11:23 am

I like noise but I also enjoy the quiet. I grew up in a very lively house. People were always coming over. Would even wake up to see someone I was crushing on sitting in the living room and here I am with those pink, spongy rollers in my hair stepping out my bedroom.\

Thigh highs are sexy. I love pantyhose/stockings. They don’t bother me.

Ok, Single, you have a point there.

Courtside, as soon as I get home, I turn on the TV and plop open the ironing board (lol).

disco ~ I was always reading while walking the streets of NYC. It was definitely an art. I never bumped into anything or anyone, but walking and reading at the same time manuevering around people makes me now laugh looking back on it.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 10th, 2013
11:23 am

MissMoni

April 10th, 2013
11:26 am

-Court That song always makes me think of the scene from “The Best Man”. Good choice! :-)

disco

April 10th, 2013
11:27 am

celisea – my take on tyler perry films is that they are typically hit or miss. I’ll watch them but I would rarely describe them as good. some are better than others. typically, and this is real right here, I watch them just to see black people.

MissMoni

April 10th, 2013
11:27 am

-kimmie I saw The Game last night!!! Not realistic at all!

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
11:29 am

MissMoni ~ fortunately and unfortunately, I’m a bonafide “bender” of rules. Nothing too big, but my walk definitely isn’t “straight.” There is no way I could work in this office and not have a heater. I would be miserable. Everyone here knows I’m always complaining about it being cold. I even have the guys in Facilities Management alert me when they’re doing spot checks for people with heaters. Mine is well hidden and under lock and key (lol).

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
11:29 am

MsAtl – Exactly. I think TP is doing something good….soooo, I support him.

MsAtl – That was a really really cool buddy of mine. She would always do nice things for my birthday and Christmas. That year she went to Dillards and came back with a box of assorted socks and threw in the fishnets. Everyone knows I wear flats and dress socks during the winter months becuase of my disdain for hose. So, she hooked me up. :)

MsAtl

April 10th, 2013
11:30 am

Court- I absolutely LOVE that song!!!

Into the Light

April 10th, 2013
11:31 am

Morning, all!

I like some background noise, but not too much. But total silence – nah….

@Court – so, what are you wearing TODAY? (ITL crossing fingers for the bow tie)

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
11:31 am

disco – LOL…stoooop I can’t say every one of his movies are fantab, but I think he’s improved over time. I think he was dipping his big toe in the water with the first few, even so not half bad for a novice. C’mon, you gotta give him credit though, he’s gotten much much better. The Family That Preys was a good one. I haven’t seen Temptation, but I can guess there’s a message in there somewhere. I plan to see it.

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
11:31 am

MsAtl ~ I was about to say TP’s best movie to date, for me, was The Family That Preys together. Although I don’t believe in hitting a woman, but the wife so, so so deserved that slap. I was shocked then I started laughing. The trifling, greedy, dumba$$ heffa definitely got her just desserts.

kimmie

April 10th, 2013
11:33 am

MissMoni – I saw about 15 minutes of it. It’s gotten stupid!

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
11:33 am

Court, I think I put new grooves in that album. I can see myself sitting in the window at my sister’s apartment playing that album.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 10th, 2013
11:34 am

When I am cleaning, or reading or cooking, there is nothing better than a great Jazz station streaming through out the house……

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
11:34 am

Yeah, Sanaa was dangling and stuck in that movie. That right there though, is why when I see “Pookie” on The Game, I have to separate him from that character. He was a dumb-bot in The Family That Preys. I don’t know any dudes (in my circle) that would have not been able to smell that rat. Can’t get none, being your wife, would be the first sign that something wasn’t right.

disco

April 10th, 2013
11:34 am

leggs – what I didn’t like about the family that preys is how they had old girl looking destitute at the end. she was making bank and even if her hubs left her, her son was a meal ticket. she should have been good.

MissMoni

April 10th, 2013
11:35 am

-Leggs I laughed out loud at that part of the movie as well.

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
11:35 am

I was VERY disappointed with The Game last night. I almost hate I dvr’d it. That was a waste of space…lol

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
11:38 am

disco – Your 11:34, yep true. But then you wouldn’t have gotten the message that you can’t win or get over by using folks and slipping, sliding and hiding. What would have been the point if ole girl was banked via child support? lololol She had to humble back down under the very one she used and stepped on.

disco

April 10th, 2013
11:38 am

I’ll throw my nickel in on temptation now. the biggest issue I had was that the dude who represented temptation just didn’t come off as all that tempting to me. he wasn’t handsome, he wasn’t sexy, he wasn’t a nice guy. he was an arrogant, disrespectful jerk. aside from money, he had nothing. I couldn’t fully embrace where they were going because I couldn’t embrace his character. I remember thinking he should have played the husband and the husband should have played temptation.

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
11:40 am

Good point, disco. Didn’t even look at it that way. No reason for her to now look like she’s eagerly awaiting the postman w/her EBT Card.

Courtside ~ very nice to have music own while cooking dancing from stove to sink (lol).

abc

April 10th, 2013
11:41 am

What’s a good jazz station around here though? Totally not into the ’smooth’ stuff… very yawn inspiring, to me… I don’t think Atlanta has a jazz station. Clark Atlanta sure isn’t it. Seriously, if there is one, I’d like to know!

disco

April 10th, 2013
11:41 am

C – I still didn’t get that message. maybe if they’d portrayed her as dumb but they didn’t. her stuff was together. I can’t buy that she didn’t have a nest egg. she seemed the type to hide money from hubs anyway. I can’t buy that she didn’t immediately sue for child support. the ending was just too unrealistic for me to embrace.

MsAtl

April 10th, 2013
11:42 am

Celisea- That puts it in perspective.

Leggs- Sorry, but I laughed at that part too (after I closed my mouth).

Disco- I don’t know- didn’t she lose her job? And I wasn’t sure whether the BossMan was paying for his & her son.

Court- You had the nerve to post the “album” as opposed to the “record.” Lol. Love it!

Into the Light

April 10th, 2013
11:42 am

very nice to have music own while cooking dancing from stove to sink (lol).

Music is a must-have. I love it when I’m cleaning or cooking, but it is a MUST HAVE when getting ready to go out for a night on the town. It just puts me in the right frame of mind….

Leggs

April 10th, 2013
11:42 am

She had to humble back down under the very one she used and stepped on.

BRAVO!

Exiled

April 10th, 2013
11:45 am

This chic in front of me at the coffee shop has tattoos all over..behind her calfs,on
Legs,on arms,on ears, kneck on chest…I’m sure somewhere down there under the skirt….

Looking like a fool really…as Mr T used to say..

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 10th, 2013
11:46 am

LOL…See everyone is feeling Stevie today…. In fact i am working the whole “Songs in the Key of Life” album today :)

Sorry ITL…no bow tie today…Dark grey 3 button suite, Cherry mock turtleneck, And just for you, a lace front Half Wig from the Eddie Long collection!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=Wxaexe5C1NA&feature=endscreen

Celisea

April 10th, 2013
11:47 am

disco – LOL…okaaaaay, I gotcha. I’ll just say, to say she had it together means you missed something, right? She had it together, but not enough to know ain’t but so long you can live a lie, no matter how paid and keep with that….right?

Okay, I gotcha though