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Dating: Are you delusional?

There are a lot of single people who have a healthy dose of confidence, which is great.  There are others who could use a little reality check and some humility.  Some of the most shallow, nit-picky people with the laundry list of requirements are not really in a position to be demanding perfection.   Actually, no one should demand perfection because that is not a real thing.

I am always perplexed by the delusional: You have the husky men who frown upon women with curves and a little fluffiness.  You have women with no ambition and bad credit who only date highly successful men with A+ credit.  There is the guy who has slept with an entire zip code who decides he wants to marry a virgin.   You get the idea, right?

I believe self-awareness and self-actualization is absolutely imperative on the dating scene.  Especially in Atlanta.  This city is full of people who believe their own hype.  Get high on their own supply and become straight up delusional.  These people are in the “matrix” dating scene and have taken the blue pill.  They choose to live in an alternate universe where logic and reasoning don’t exist.  When you see one in person, just smile and walk away.  Trust me.

How do you know if  you have completely unrealistic expectations in dating?  Some of us have friends or family who keep us grounded. Who do you have in your life that makes sure you aren’t delusional?  I have my guy friends who are always quick to remind me about being unrealistic.

Have you ever met someone dating in the matrix?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

298 comments Add your comment

Exiled

April 9th, 2013
6:15 am

Exiled

April 9th, 2013
6:33 am

Well call me Mr Dusional with a D then….some pun there eghh!

Nothing wrong with seeking loftier standards even when mine ain’t stella. The standards can rise by association.

I have seen many poor women or women with poor backgrounds laying up for and getting married by rich men!(surprise Diva?)

And a lot of women who have slept and knecked around end up in the church marrying some upright and naive if not ‘blind’ dude from the church!

So why u gotta be mad that a dude with Atlanta wide zip code game wants only virgins this time around?

Why he gotta settle for used stuff? Besides,for training purposes,a virgin is in good hands with a pro! :lol:
You gotta have standards….

Exiled

April 9th, 2013
6:37 am

Good morning MIA….my Bad!

Penelope

April 9th, 2013
7:23 am

Good morning, peepsykins!

Desiring someone that registers above the mark is not unrealistic. Just be sure that you are equally marketable. Otherwise you are delusional.

Y’all be sweet, now!

MissMoni

April 9th, 2013
8:11 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! *Breathing so much better today!* :-D

Who do you have in your life that makes sure you aren’t delusional? I have some real friends who aren’t afraid to tell it like it is!

Have you ever met someone dating in the matrix? Yes, I have. I’ve dated a couple of guys who thought that just because they had a nice paying job & a nice whip that the woman should be the one chasing after them. I quickly let them know, I’m not the one for that mess.

If a man is waiting for Miss Moni to chase after them, then clearly he is delusional with a capital D!!!

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 9th, 2013
8:14 am

Morning folks… Wanting to “date up” or ” marry up” is not the issue…its the expectation that you can be Colt 45 and and hang in the same cooler with Sam Adams…….

MissMoni

April 9th, 2013
8:32 am

-Court The Colt 45 can hangout in the same cooler with Sam Adams, just don’t try to make me believe that they are the exact same thing, LOL!

SlimNu

April 9th, 2013
8:49 am

Is this an appropriate time to throw out, Maybe opposites attract??? Or Yin and Yang….if one is financially ignorant, and they end up with someone who is financially savvy then the partner can fill in where the other is weak…vise versa. Just a thought though

Reio

April 9th, 2013
8:58 am

While dating I always had a laundry list of about, 5 or 6 things that had to be there. Otherwise, she got the boot. You see, I never dated for fun. Even as a very young man, I was serious about where the relationship would go. Hell, I had more fun(sheets & grins) with my male friends at the time. I always figured “Why date, if you don’t expect it to turn into something special, like matrimony?” That was my thinking. Never used a woman for selfish reasons, and never lied to her. No matter what. I thought that if I told the truth, and she didn’t like it, she could hit the road, and I would replace her with someone else. Never high on myself. Just knew what I wanted, and would not settle.

Reio

April 9th, 2013
9:03 am

I can remember several phone conversations, in which I felt like the person on the other end was full of it and self centered. After meeting them, their tone seemed to change, and they presented themselves as more accommodating. Later, they revealed their true selves and had to be run off.

Leggs

April 9th, 2013
9:04 am

I must use “get high on their own supply.”

I would think one being delusional doesn’t afford them a lot of dates, or rather a second date.

Morning.

Leggs

April 9th, 2013
9:07 am

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DUSHAWN♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

April 9th, 2013
9:07 am

I was just sitting here thinking “champagne tastes on a beer budget.”

One, delusional vs having unrealistic expectations is a real difference.

Delusional is we sleep (just sleep, even more) that we somehow “go together”, or that me buying you a drink means that I want something from you. Delusional people generally have a warped sense of the world most often their value in it (and to others).

People with unrealistic expectations (like those described in Diva’s post) quite often expect more from others than they are willing – or able – to expect from themselves. These folks project their deficiencies onto others, and most sadly, try to fill them using someone else.

Do I know people with champange tastes and beer budgets, yep. Did I date any? Yep. But at the end of the day, those folks are never satisfied regardless of what they’re given/want/ask for.

disco

April 9th, 2013
9:18 am

good morning. first things first, I cringed at diva’s used of “curves”. that word in itself (imo) is overused by a world full of delusional women who probably lean more toward lumpy than curvy.

I don’t necessarily think it’s delusional to want to date a peg or two above yourself. it might be a bit ambitious but not delusional. lol. the problem is when you are bottom of the barrel and trying to get the cream at the top.

Celisea

April 9th, 2013
9:22 am

Well, I’m not dating a broke, busted and disgusted. My thought process has always been, why not go for the best? Even if you’re not up to par and the other person is, why not rise to the occasion, better yourself, improve, get it together?

Oh, nor crybabies….I don’t do crybabies..lol

disco

April 9th, 2013
9:23 am

slim – re (financial) opposites attracting. I’ve mentioned meeting men with bankruptcies and foreclosures. to me those issues are dealbreakers that I don’t want to be bothered with. a lot of my friends say it’s not as important as where he is now. to each his own but it’s not for me.

disco

April 9th, 2013
9:27 am

I was just called delusional (or something to that effect) the other day. the guy I was talking to was “checking me” re my issue with men who have too many kids (in my opinion). apparently it’s unrealistic to expect someone not to have children at this age. my issue isn’t them having children. my issue is that they tend to have 5, 6, 7 or more and they are spread among ex-wives, ex-girlfriends and stray baby mommas. maybe for somebody, not for me.

Reio

April 9th, 2013
9:27 am

disco – What if those bankruptcies or foreclosures were due a prolonged illness, accident, or extended layoff involving themselves or loved ones? Still no go? Just wondering.

disco

April 9th, 2013
9:33 am

reio – probably still no go but I can’t say for sure. that scenario hasn’t happened. the guys I’ve come across have bankruptcies for no reason other than ignorance and bad choices.

MsAtl

April 9th, 2013
9:37 am

Morning All!

I have run into several delusional folks or folks with champagne taste and kool aid money. Generally there is nothing wrong with having standards; you should have standards. However, you can’t realistically expect what you are not willing to give, be or do. If you date up and rise to meet that standard yourself, all good, but you can’t expect to date up and stay busted yourself with no thought to improving. I like confidence, not arrogance or delusional.

Dushawn- Happy birthday!

Exiled

April 9th, 2013
9:38 am

It is Dusional for example,for a guy to think that he’s gon find a boatload of babyless African American women out there on the streets,eligible enough to marry.

It’s a minefield!

Bluzgirl

April 9th, 2013
9:38 am

Morning MIA!

I have known a few people who were delusional. Some male friends in my past were maybe a 5 and expected to get a 9 or 10. I wasn’t that close to them, so I didn’t feel right setting them straight. I figured that they would learn sooner or later when they remain alone on the weekends!

I know I’m not the best looking woman and I have some meat on my bones, so I don’t expect to meet a Brad Pitt. I have raised my standards, though, because I’m tired of dealing with losers!

czBrat ♀

April 9th, 2013
9:40 am

I believe self-awareness and self-actualization is absolutely imperative on the dating scene.
and please, God, do this homework on your own time. don’t be all up in a relationship trying to figure out who you are and where you’re headed in life have a notion, at least.

Who do you have in your life that makes sure you aren’t delusional?
unfortunately, no one. that could explain my big head. :grin:

morning, all!

disco

April 9th, 2013
9:42 am

bluz – for you and your circle “delusional” can take on a whole new meaning. lol.

SlimNu

April 9th, 2013
9:42 am

disco – I really didn’t mean in that sense but more so of just not knowing some things. I don’t mean being totally careless when it comes to money. But I feel ya though ;-)

Reio

April 9th, 2013
9:45 am

I remember my teenage and young adult years, when, it seemed, that the guys that really thought they were hot stuff, always seemed to get the most popular girls. They would have two or three at a time. Thought they were “the sheet”,and apparently, they were, to a lot of women. They were, actually, pieces of elephant sheet. Low life, good for nothing, worthless, valueless, cheap, inexpensive, low down, dirty, filthy, unclean, baby making, simple, thoughtless, ignorant, violent, weak vocabulary, unreliable, lying, cheatin, stealin,stankin, gold toothed, toothless, drunk, high, scammin, refer smokin, two legged dogs. Always was. Never changed. They Just got older.

MsAtl

April 9th, 2013
9:45 am

Exiled- It’s funny you say that because I have heard several men over the age of 35 say they only want to date women with no children to get married and have children. Granted, there are some women over 35 with no children and wanting to get married and settle down, but how many do you think are looking to have kids?

disco

April 9th, 2013
9:47 am

slim – I think there are two teams. team opposites attract and team like attracts like.

reio – dang. you went hard. were they pulling the girls you wanted back then? lol.

Sassy Me...Feeling like new ;-)

April 9th, 2013
9:50 am

disco…cosign on that 9:42. :lol:

On topic: I don’t have a large circle of friends but the few I have keep it real with me and I with them even when we may not want to hear it. I don’t sugar coat things for adults and that’s the way I prefer to be dealt with in return.

I believe self-awareness and self-actualization is absolutely imperative on the dating scene.

Side note: I’m sipping cucumber water today and it’s grrreat. I added some lemons(per a recipe I googled) yesterday and that was pretty good,too.

Sassy Me...Feeling like new ;-)

April 9th, 2013
9:52 am

you went hard. were they pulling the girls you wanted back then?

Okay?!?!….bitter much?….and so early with it. Unresolved issues,no?

Bluzgirl

April 9th, 2013
9:52 am

disco – why you gotta be picking so early?

Reio

April 9th, 2013
9:52 am

disco – Yes! All of the time. They seemed to snap their finger, and the chicks would come.

Reio

April 9th, 2013
9:54 am

Sassy Me – No issues here. just tellin it like it was, and as far as I know, like it still is.

Celisea

April 9th, 2013
9:56 am

Honestly, I haven’t run into dudes that are subpar looking for their lift or comeuppance. I think I do okay. My dudes (past and present), tend to lean just a little over into baller-dom (can I say that).

The thing about the dudes I’ve dated, they always did nice things, always showed me a nice time, and knew how a lady should be treated, but I wasn’t gonna have them paying my mortgage and car payments, utilities and supporting my kid. Nuh uh. I’m not a using, God and his blessings bestowed, is my comeuppance. I can pay my own way. I remember when Silky asked if he could start a fund/buy stock for the kid. I wasn’t feeling that. Call me crazy. He also wanted to call the kid’s dad and tell him, I’m taking care of your woman and your kid. He outright asked :shock: That was mainly because he wanted to show him how a real man does it. I told him, he had nothing to prove there either. I remember Stark’s cousin asking me (and I’ve mentioned here) if I wanted to have the kid’s dad knocked off :shock: cause he was trifling. He wasn’t playing. That scared the bejeebees out of me. He was equally irked because he said the same…men should be men. So, like I said, I likes a man that’s “got it going on”, and that’s not on material things. I’m talking go getter. I don’t care if they’ve made mistakes in the past. What matters to me is living in the now.

For those bottom of the barrel dudes, they’ll NEVER GET IT! They’re gonna count every nickel and dime spent and we all know, nothing worse than being nickeled and dimed to death. They’re gonna tally stroke every little deed and word spoken.

I talk trash sometimes in jest, but I don’t lean on folks or freeload. My boo is another stand-up dude. Aside from the kids dad, it’s quality allll the way. I don’t need my comeuppance from anyone and personally, there ain’t a dude out there out of reach…for me. May not be a good match, may not be a good fit, but it certainly ain’t because he’s better or above me. And that’s with me being flawed and all. :mrgreen:

Kimmie

April 9th, 2013
9:57 am

Morning all!

Blogging from home!

People want what they want. Who r we or anyone to say someone can’t get what they want? That will be determined by the parties involved. Only u can determine who u feel is worthy.

So much emphasis is on those that want champagne with beer money. Personally I would like to see more women aim a little higher. Not feel they owe anyone an explanation why they won’t resort to scrapping the bottom of the barrel to get a man. Why they won’t take dude that’s 40 with jacked up credit, 7 kids by just as many mamas and who has never been able to hold onto a job or a running car. Who will tell folks to kiss her butt who ask why she won’t “work with” such a dude, since after all, she’s no spring chicken! Yeah, miss more of us ladies with that.

czBrat ♀

April 9th, 2013
9:59 am

my issue isn’t them having children. my issue is that they tend to have 5, 6, 7 or more and they are spread among ex-wives, ex-girlfriends and stray baby mommas.
just damn.

lol @ sassy 9:52

the young dudes that had to work hard to pull just one chick developed character. lmao

disco

April 9th, 2013
10:01 am

reio – it’s okay. you survived high school. it’s over now. btw, do you attend your hs reunions? lol.

bluz – not picking. it was just so easy. sorry if you are sensitive this morning. no harm meant.

hey kimmie – child you talking about me this morning? lol. I’m quick to say what I don’t want, don’t like, won’t tolerate. folks are generally quick to retort that that’s why I’m single. single may be unpleasant sometimes but it won’t kill me.

Sassy Me...Feeling like new ;-)

April 9th, 2013
10:01 am

and as far as I know, like it still is.

Well that’s obviously from your perspective and that’s fine…do you. Glad you’re not scarred from those encounters with such low lifes and well I’m not about to repeat your laundry list but you get it. Thankfully my outlook and interactions haven’t been like that :mrgreen:

Celisea

April 9th, 2013
10:03 am

Alright kiddies, I gotta work. I’m falling off my resolution to post only a couple of entries and spend the rest of my day working.

I’ll peek in on you kiddies….BBL

Sassy Me...Feeling like new ;-)

April 9th, 2013
10:04 am

Hola czBrat!!

abc

April 9th, 2013
10:05 am

Perhaps you misunderstand what self-actualization is. Relatively few people are at the stage and status in life that affords very much in the way of self-actualizing activities.

MsAtl

April 9th, 2013
10:08 am

Celisea- I feel you. I don’t think anyone is out of my reach either because I know who I am, what I have accomplished and what I can accomplish. I do not limit myself.

Kimmie- Thank you. “Work with?” If I want to build-a-bear I will go to the mall. You don’t have to have achieved all you possibly can, but at a certain age you should not still be trying to figure out what you want to be when you grow up. I will work with you to a certain extent, but you have to be working with something. I don’t coddle adults and I have low tolerance for 30, 40 somethings still wanting to be burped.

Kimmie

April 9th, 2013
10:08 am

Disco – i respect u for not settling! It used to burn me up when folks would wonder why I would not accept just any dude once I started getting a little older. I figured I went that long, may as well go for what I wanted. Plus I resent feeling I have to pay for someone elses bad decisions!

Leggs

April 9th, 2013
10:09 am

Reio ~ I think that was an 8 on the Richter Scale. I felt the rumblings.

Bluzgirl

April 9th, 2013
10:09 am

disco – It’s all good…I knew you were playin…

Reio

April 9th, 2013
10:10 am

disco – This wasn’t just high school, I still see it today. I’m not in the hunt, but I still see it going on. Guys with nothing going on, no ambition, no future…..women galore, babies everywhere. taking care of none of them. But they think/believe they are “the sheet”. Hell, some of these women are fairly well educated, mobil, people, but see something in these kinds of males from the bottom of the garbage can.

Celisea

April 9th, 2013
10:10 am

MsAtl – Exactly….and I agree here, most definitely -> You don’t have to have achieved all you possibly can, but at a certain age you should not still be trying to figure out what you want to be when you grow up.

We have all made mistakes, in one arena or another so I’m definitely not holding stuff against folks…I can’t afford to. By the same token, don’t be bitter cause folks finally figured it out.

disco

April 9th, 2013
10:14 am

reio – why shouldn’t they feel like they are all that? heck, I give them their props. if they are pulling (and I’m witness to it too) women that are that much “above” them then they are definitely working with something. I don’t fault them for making come up. I fault the dingbats that are lifting and holding them up.

czBrat ♀

April 9th, 2013
10:18 am

hola amorcito!

lord knows i’ve got work to do, but y’all are truly on it today. can’t look away.

Kimmie

April 9th, 2013
10:19 am

Reio/disco – yep and that’s what I’m tired of seeing. Those sorry dudes will be okay. Don’t fault me for leaving them to somebody else to dust off and raise!