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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Friends and relationships don’t mix

My buddy Mike is in a relationship with a really nice young lady but he has constantly complained about her friends.  His girlfriend is the type that “lives by committee” so in many instances, her she listens to her friend’s advice.  This leads to many arguments about sharing too much information with her friends.

I believe this is partly attributed to his girlfriend’s age.   She is younger than he is and is not as experienced in relationships.  The problem arises when her friends dole out bad advice that not only does not help, it makes it worse.

While I don’t think this is a deal breaker, Mike thinks that it is.  He is ready to dump her and cut his losses. Would you consider dumping someone if their friends interfered with your relationship too much?

Have you ever dated someone who let outside people influence your relationship?  How did you handle it?

Why do you think people let friends inside the inner workings of their relationships?

Where do you draw the line on what you share with your friends?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

236 comments Add your comment

MissMoni

April 4th, 2013
7:10 am

GOOD Thursday Morning MIA!!! *I have a meeting at 8am*

Have you ever dated someone who let outside people influence your relationship? Yes, but that was when I was in high school. How did I handle it? We broke up. I don’t get down with my guy allowing his friends to disrespect me.

Why do you think people let friends inside the inner workings of their relationships? I think they are insecure and or unsure of themselves. Some people trust their friend’s advice more than their own gut feeling.

Where do you draw the line on what you share with your friends? I don’t tell my friend’s EVERYTHING!!! I learned about that the hard way during my teenage years and that’s a lesson that I don’t need repeated. You have to be careful of what you tell your friends about your relationship. Intimate details are totally off limits. I wouldn’t always bash and talk down about your mate either, because then your friends definitely won’t take them seriously. Maturity definitely plays a part in what people tell. . .

Lee

April 4th, 2013
7:11 am

I remember this happened in high school. That was so long ago. After a certain age if you have to keep complaining about someone to your friends, then they need to go. Communication is key and it seems your friend and her do not have it.

Penelope

April 4th, 2013
7:51 am

Morning peepsykins!

My hubs and I keep outside advice and people on the outside where they belong. That sort of thing can destroy love and relationships. We are in the process of trying to bring our first mochette. Can’t have an awesome family and drama going on.

Did I read a couple of UGA alums on board?! Woo woo woo…the dawgs in the house!!!

Chuck

April 4th, 2013
7:58 am

I’m is kind, I’m is special, I’m is important! My woman know the drill. It’s me or her peeps! Hit the road if you got drama in yo life!

Hazel

April 4th, 2013
8:02 am

good morning. Yes he should. He is dating her, and not her friends. They should have no say so in her relationships. I’ve never been in such situation however I think people to that because they think that relationships often come and go but friends are with you here to stay. While this may be true, friends can be biased and can give u advise they may backfire and change the relationship in a negative way. One shouldn’t share everything like MissMoni said. Be mature about what you share. You arguments, disagreements, etc are not news so don’t share

Penelope

April 4th, 2013
8:07 am

Hazel,

That is key!

Exiled

April 4th, 2013
8:09 am

Thing is u wld never know sometimes.
Most women have circles of friends and they Talk!

They Talk while at work Too,coworkers,fake friends,other women.

Women Talk and Listen.

PERIOD!

Good morning MIA.

Button

April 4th, 2013
8:31 am

Would you consider dumping someone if their friends interfered with your relationship too much? Yep. I’m with him not his friends. Also just because we’re together doesn’t mean that his friends are automatically my friends.

Why do you think people let friends inside the inner workings of their relationships? Immaturity, bragging rites, some just like their friends all up in all faucets of their life.

I would get out of that kind of realtionship, it’s not healthy. It’s the making for all kinds of drama.

Good morning :)

SlimNu

April 4th, 2013
8:54 am

Good morning all,

I have only a select few of friends that I confide in. Neither of them really try to tell me what to do. They tend to ask me questions to help me reach a solution to whatever it is i’m having issues with. However, for the most part, I’m going to do what I feel I need to do anyway.

Reio

April 4th, 2013
9:02 am

Never had this to happen. At least, not to my knowledge. Whether I’ll continue a relationship depends solely on her. Friends are irrelevant. If she seeks and takes their advice on a matter, fine. But if I don’t like the outcome or the decision, I’ll let her know. Won’t even mention her friends, even if she tells me beforehand that so&so said….I won’t acknowledge them, I’ll only acknowledge her decision on the matter at hand and deal with it on that level. I see it as her decision, and ONLY, her decision, not her friends input. If her bad decision making continues, I would bolt. Run, not walk, away. Won’t look back. So she can seek and take their advice all she wants, just make sure the decision she arrives at ,is one I can live with, no matter who helped her to decide.

SlimNu

April 4th, 2013
9:09 am

O/T: Just want to let yall know that I had a dream about all of us meeting up at somebody’s house. I think swiss and For Real were roommates or something and we all were packed in their apt sitting around. We may have been drinking but For Real started joking on folks and someone got offended and ended up walking out. I guess that started a trickle effect because one by one, other folks started leaving. Not sure what else what happened…lol

Button

April 4th, 2013
9:13 am

true friends play an interagal part of our lives, they are there to comfort, confide and support us. I can see friends looking out for you since they are the ones on the outside looking in. I appreciate a friend who can save me from myself esp when it comes to matters of the heart. A true friend will know his/her place and respect you and your choices and help you see when you’re making bad choices.

Celisea

April 4th, 2013
9:18 am

Nope, they don’t. As discussed before on here and I agree, some of the issue is the level of maturity. Most “grown” folks I know…by now…knows how to handle relationships and issues sans friends advice. If there’s something I need to bounce off a gf, I’ll do that, but I can tell you that won’t be “relationshipy” type stuff. I will deal with relationship questions or issues with my boo…..and no one else. See, simple. :)

Off topic: I didn’t get to work out last night because my boo wanted to have dinner right after work. So, we went to Maggiano’s at Cumberland. Got there during happy hour. Remember the meal I posted yesterday? Well, I’m looking over the menu and see a couple of things close to it, but not really. So, I asked the waiter I could have something similiar. He brings back “Phil”, one of the chefs and Phil HOOKS A SISTA UP!!! He made a dish, specific to what I asked for. Deeeelish!! Then, I couldn’t eat nowhere near half of it. I’m having leftovers!! ‘m telling y’all, Maggiano’s is one of my spots, for that reason alone.

disco

April 4th, 2013
9:21 am

good morning. for me personally, friends have never been the problem. now I have had the experience of the man who was just a tad bit too close to his momma. eeek!

disco

April 4th, 2013
9:29 am

celisea – maggiano’s is one of my spots for the toasted pound cake.

MsAtl

April 4th, 2013
9:31 am

Morning All!

While there is nothing wrong with talking to your friends about certain things, there is a limit (or there should be). Also, decisions should be made with and by you and your S/O, not by your friends. My friends can give me advice but they cannot tell me how to run my relationships. And yes I would consider dumping someone if their friends interfered too much, especially if they were disrespectful to me or our relationship.

Cel- I have a Maggiano’s gift card burning a hole in my pocket!

Celisea

April 4th, 2013
9:36 am

Slim – On your off topic, sort of resembles the blog, huh?

Cracking and insulting folks maybe funny to one or even some, but trust me, everybody ain’t laughing. Wonder if that’s what those two culprits in your dream were thinking?? lol

We had a class clown as well, back in school. While he ALWAYS thought he was the shiznit, most thought he was stupid, wasted the class time and simply not funny. I guess though, that was a “how you look to the rest of the school” thing going on. To him? He thought that’s what everyone wanted. NOT!!! Causing a scene is often counter effective. Boy oh boy, we just pitied him…lol Don’t get me wrong, he garnered a few laughs but not from most.

Celisea

April 4th, 2013
9:38 am

disco – I’ve heard about the pound cake. Imma have to definitely check that out. Usually I’m so stuffed from the meal, that I can’t do dessert.

MsAtl – Giiiirrrrl, go use that card!! I’m NEVER disappointed when I eat there….EVER!

Okay, got to get out of here early for the dentist, so that means I gotta get coffee and get on my grind. I’ll be peeking at you kiddies :)

disco

April 4th, 2013
9:39 am

celisea – I don’t know that I recall a class clown but I do know some folks that were just genuinely funny. they didn’t necessarily cut up in class but the hallways and cafeteria were game. plus, I have some family members that are just genuine cutups. one of my grandfather’s sisters comes to mind. she’s off the chain, throws a heck of a party. will talk about you like a dog in your face while fixing you a plate and pouring you a drink. she means no harm and everybody loves her. she’s all that.

Single & Happy

April 4th, 2013
9:40 am

Hey all

This one is a no brainier! If someone is telling me what anyone said about our relationship then they need to go be with their friends.

Celisea

April 4th, 2013
9:42 am

disco – There are some that can make that whole clown thing work. But, most times a clown is stupid…period, point blank. The ones I’ve experienced always tried to use someone as the brunt of their funning. Usually we talked about that person like a dog. Cause he was the only one that know how big of an idiot he came off…you know?

Okay, let me get out of here and get to work!! :) If I don’t come back, y’all have a good rest of this rainy day. Shoot, it’s cold out there too

Celisea

April 4th, 2013
9:43 am

“….the only one that DIDN’T know just how big of an idiot” is what I meant….

my baaaad :)

SlimNu

April 4th, 2013
9:44 am

Celisea – I’m sure there are some similarities of my dream to the actual blog. However, i’ve always seen this as a place of entertainment to shed some lighness to my work day; not to exclude actually gaining insight on certain topics presented here. Insulting folks is definitely not what I think anyone wants to get out of being here but i’m definitely open to cracking up on a daily basis. But, everyone does not have the same sense of humor nor are open from jokes from certain people. One person can say, “hey slim, you’re so skinny your nip ples touch” and I may find that funny from someone but if joe blow says it, I could be offended…damned if you do, damned if you don’t lol (Just using myself as an example even though I could care less) And I was a bit of a class clown coming up. I had good grades but ‘talks too much or jokes too often’ on my progress reports ;-)

disco

April 4th, 2013
9:44 am

s/h – I find this particular issue is more of a woman thing. women just tend to share more. men are harboring all their feelings anyway. not always, just often. men are more likely to bluff and fake the funk like everything is all good rather than tell their boys their relationship game is off. lol.

SlimNu

April 4th, 2013
9:47 am

Everybody may not find something funny but someboy will :lol:

Celisea

April 4th, 2013
9:47 am

Slim – Yep

disco – I think the topic is more of a woman thing as well. Not so much because men harbor stuff, but they just ain’t catty…by nature. Wellll, SOME men, not all. But I too think this could lean to the women.

Okay that was my last one….lol

Single & Happy

April 4th, 2013
9:50 am

Disco, no men don’t they talk also.

MsAtl

April 4th, 2013
9:50 am

Celisea- I’ve gone there once and enjoyed the food. They had that free take home pasta deal going on. Trust, I am going to use that card.

disco

April 4th, 2013
9:51 am

C – yep. while I have some tolerance for gossipy women I have very little tolerance for gossipy men. it’s just not a good look on them.

slim – not that your progress reports said you talk too much. funny. as much as I talked outside of school I was quiet as a mouse in class. not a peep out of me unless the teacher called my name.

Celisea

April 4th, 2013
9:52 am

MsAtl – They still have that. If you buy one of their “traditional” dishes, you get one to take home with you. I think it’s spaghetti, baked ziti, lasgna, ravioli….and one more (I think).

I did it again didn’t I? lololol

DreamsMaterialize

April 4th, 2013
9:53 am

Would you consider dumping someone if their friends interfered with your relationship too much?
I’m cutting ties if her friends interfere AT ALL. She can tell her friends whatever she wants, and her friends can have whatever opinions they want, but the minute they voice that opinion to me, I’m done. Your friends have no say in our relationship. If you have an issue with OUR relationship, then that’s OUR problem to resolve. Address your concerns with me. If you feel more comfortable communicating with your friends, then be in a relationship with them.

Celisea

April 4th, 2013
9:53 am

disco – You ain’t NEVER lied. I’m just irked to no end of moist men. Puuuleeease get the heck away from me. IJS

disco

April 4th, 2013
9:54 am

s/h – oh. I know that men do talk. just not on the same level as women do. the average male conversation won’t get as deep and detailed as women will go. besides that, if men talk too much, get too emotional with it now we got a whole new issue. lol. I can just see some man crying on his homeboy’s couch talking about he just doesn’t know what to do to make her understand. lol.

disco

April 4th, 2013
9:56 am

dreams – I was just going to type a comical response and then I realized you were dreams. not dushawn. oh well. another time I suppose.

Single & Happy

April 4th, 2013
9:58 am

No disco the won’t go that far, but after a certain amount of time, they talk, and it’s not gossip. when things are not right at home, sooner are later we will let it out.

Mike P

April 4th, 2013
10:01 am

Co-sign with Dreams 9:53 comments

kimmie

April 4th, 2013
10:05 am

Morning All!!

Penelope – I knew there was something about you I liked!!! Go Dawgs, I’m an alum too!!!!

Topic – Diva’s friend’s chick HAS to be young, very young if she’s still yacking to her friends. Oh most definitely it’s a dealbreaker. Tell dude to go get him a real woman. That’s what he gets for scouring the high schools for dates!LOL!!!

Personally never been a problem for me because I’ve always been pretty private about my relationships when it comes to my friends. In fact, a few have kinda gotten mad at me for being so “secretive”. Told them they just have to get over it. Friends & family remember stuff. You might have been dealing with something foul and chose to forgive and move on. But whatever bad went down, friends are gonna remember and hold that against dude forever till you break up.

disco – There is absolutely nothing worse than a mama’s boy. Nothing!!

That was always my issue in school – talking too much.

kimmie

April 4th, 2013
10:09 am

Cel – Love Maggianos! That’s where one of my friends threw me a bridal shower. Been there many times.

Love that pound cake and those little crescent shaped soft lemon cookies. Have never had a bad entree or salad there either.

MsAtl

April 4th, 2013
10:13 am

Celisea- You did NOT say “moist men.” Lolol. My niece likes to say they ate “B1t@h Flakes for breakfast.

disco

April 4th, 2013
10:23 am

kimmie – re friends and family remembering stuff. ain’t that the truth!!! my friends and I are quick to call each other out on some stuff from 15-20 years ago. our remember whens are funny even if they might be a bit embarrassing. one chick getting hit from behind on the couch got flipped over it and landed slap on her head. now you know she doesn’t like being reminded of that but that’s what she gets for sharing it. lol.

Single & Happy

April 4th, 2013
10:27 am

disco – There is absolutely nothing worse than a mama’s boy. Nothing!! yea there is, a Mamma’s/Daddy’s little girl!!

disco

April 4th, 2013
10:29 am

s/h – double standards trump. daddy’s girl is much more tolerable than momma’s boy. daddy’s girl is essentially just spoiled and overprotected. momma’s boy is a punk beeyotch. sometimes in disguise but a punk beeyotch just the same.

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

April 4th, 2013
10:31 am

Would you consider dumping someone if their friends interfered with your relationship too much?

Yes…I’m not dating the committee, I’m dating you. And if you don’t have the mental wherewithall to make your own decisions independent of said committee then I wouldn’t want to be with you anyway. I don’t a rational adult would want to date someone who couldn’t think for themselves…and plus that “committee mentality” seems kind of juvenile.

I know that men do talk. just not on the same level as women do. the average male conversation won’t get as deep and detailed as women will go

Yes they do. I used to date a barber and the conversations I heard gave me alot of insight. The talk just like we do..trust me on that.

Bluzgirl

April 4th, 2013
10:31 am

Morning all!

I think it is important to have close friends you can talk to about your relationship, but you need to keep their advice to yourself! Why would you go to your SO and say “so and so said this”? That’s immature. I had to learn to be careful what I tell my friends about the bad things in the relationship. I can say that when the Ex and I broke up, many of my friends were very happy. They didn’t really say too much to me during the relationship because they knew I was in love and had faith I would figure it all out on my own. Never let your friends dictate what you do in a relationship…take their advice and follow your gut…

By the way, I ALWAYS got “talks to much in class” on my progress reports! There were many times in elementary school that I was sent to stand in the hall because I wouldn’t stop talking. LOL

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

April 4th, 2013
10:32 am

“I *don’t think* a rational adult” is what it should’ve read, but oh well…

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 4th, 2013
10:33 am

Morning folks!!

Here is one for those that have have to cut off their “talk to much ass boyfriend / girlfriend”…….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRK4AwS3dh8

disco

April 4th, 2013
10:35 am

sassy – barber shop talk isn’t man-to-man talk. most barbershop talk is a mix of bravado, lie swapping and a tiny little bit of the truth. sort of like salon talk, yeah, chicks talk in the salon but salon talk is “public” talk. it’s not on the same level as person to person talk. well, at least not for me and I imagine not for most people. I guess there are some that are wide open like that.

disco

April 4th, 2013
10:38 am

bluz – lol. you had to stand in the hall? lol. I managed to get through all my years of school without ever getting in trouble. even when I fought in school I got away with it and wasn’t punished because I was good, quiet, small and they assumed the larger, louder, more aggressive student was the problem.

hey court.

MissMoni

April 4th, 2013
10:39 am

Hi again everyone! I’m back from my 8am meeting. . . Imagine a 2 and a half hour meeting!!!

Celisea

April 4th, 2013
10:39 am

Kimmie – Maggianos rock!

MsAtl – There is nothing that will send me running quicker than a dude that’s a crybaby. BTW, discussing stuff ain’t moist, it’s just the hanging on, overly sensitive, etc etc etc

I also think “barbershop” talk, is not the same as a dude that talks too much. I think barbershop talk ranges from one end of the spectrum to the other. I’ve sat amongst them as well. I can sort of deal with that. It’s the setting, IMO for the most part. But a dude that cries about every dang thing and is sensitive IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST….IMO

I don’t do beautyshop talk either. I listen and pay attention, I speak to all when I walk end and wish everyone a good “rest of the weekend”, but that’s it. I don’t get into anything else going on there. I’ll talk to my stylist while she’s doing my hair but that’s gonna be surface stuff.