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How do you define cheating?

If you ever want to find out which way your date’s moral compass points, ask them what they consider cheating.  Who knew that there were so many questionable things a person can do that many don’t consider cheating.  I can agree that it isn’t really black or white issue, there are many shades of gray (No pun intended) about infidelity.

I believe that you should not say/do anything that you would not say/do if your mate was sitting right next to you.  You always know when you have crossed the line, but many believe if you don’t have sex, you aren’t actually cheating.  Do you agree?

If you find out that your significant other has a close relationship with someone else who they are attracted to, do you agree that this is “emotional” cheating? In your opinion, is emotional cheating the same as physically cheating?

Do you think men are generally less forgiving of infidelity or cheating?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

334 comments Add your comment

MissMoni

April 2nd, 2013
7:52 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Wise Diva I agree that you should not say or do anything that you would NOT say or do if your mate was sitting right next to you. To me, this covers all the bases. It’s the things that people do when their mate is not around that gets them in over their head and opens the door for TEMPTATION (please go see the movie). Physical cheating starts as emotional cheating.

Yes, I do think that men are generally less forgiving of infidelity or cheating, but I base my answer on the man’s self-esteem. I’ve seen men with low self-esteem stay with women who are flat out doing them dirty and act as if nothing is wrong just to have a “pretty chick” on their arm.

Hazel

April 2nd, 2013
8:13 am

good morning. I agree with everything Missmoni said. Emotional cheating is just as bad in my opinion. Once when we were dating, my husband starting talking to one of his ex’s a lot more than I would prefer so I had to check him on it. When that “how’s life” turned into “whatcha doin today” ..he had to ask her to stop calling him…as I wasn’t Ok with that.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 2nd, 2013
8:39 am

Good morning ladies :) :)

While I understand the premise behind what you are saying, this whole concept of “emotional cheating” is BS….. It is as MissMoni said, a catch all that is designed justify a woman insecurities….. Granted, there is always a line and sometimes ( far to often) it gets crossed, but there is no winner when the measuring stick is that kind of abstract….

MissMoni

April 2nd, 2013
8:50 am

Hi Court!!! :-)

There is a clear line between a woman’s insecurities and a man just being outright disrespectful. There are some women and men who are very insecure and these are the ones who should NOT be in a relationship until they get over their trust issues. On the other hand, you have men and women who are openly disrespectful and try to pass it off as being “friendly”. This goes back to one of my FAV sayings concerning relationships: You CAN’T turn a whore into a housewife, no matter how hard you try (this applies to women & men)! A person does what’s in them to do. If they are a whore than they are going to do whorish things.

czBrat ♀

April 2nd, 2013
8:59 am

Do you think men are generally less forgiving of infidelity or cheating?
are you kidding?

SlimNu

April 2nd, 2013
9:06 am

Morning folks,

I have a feeling is going to be a riot….getting this thing popped off already. If you find yourself attracted to someone of the opposite sex, why put yourself in a position to even open the door for temptation? After being in a relationship for a while, eventually the ‘honeymoon’ phase fizzles out, and our ego definitely misses that ‘thrill of the hunt, the butterfly feeling etc’….so if you have a ‘friend’ that you are attracted to, all you’re going to do is start chasing that feeling you once had with your SO, with this person you haven’t fugged yet. (or in a while & try to call it being friends). What gets me is when dudes try to act like they have no clue a particular chick wants to get with them. Don’t play coy with me

czBrat ♀

April 2nd, 2013
9:09 am

morning all.

agree with conducting yourself as if s/o were always at your side; that should keep things clean enough. i pretty much define cheating as intent. i don’t have a problem with s/o paying a compliment or making a lunch invite to another woman, but if the intent is to see what might develop, it’s cheating.

MissMoni

April 2nd, 2013
9:11 am

-SlimNu That’s a PET PEEVE of mine too, dude acting like he doesn’t know the chick is trying to get at him. Like seriously, you know the game and how it goes.

Penelope

April 2nd, 2013
9:14 am

Any behavior with a person other than your spouse or significant causing an individual to be feel betrayed, I would define as infidelity.

Penelope

April 2nd, 2013
9:17 am

I think to dine or spend time with someone else would be equally dangerous. Why not leave that alone altogether? That is just how I would feel.

MissMoni

April 2nd, 2013
9:21 am

-Penelope I agree with you on the one on one dining and spending time alone together. Don’t even open the door because as you stated, that can be equally dangerous as well.

MsAtl

April 2nd, 2013
9:24 am

Morning All!

Such a charged topic… I agree with what MissMoni said. If you wouldn’t want your S/O to see or hear it then you likely shouldn’t say or do it.

Courtside- I disagree with your statement that emotional cheating is BS designed to justify a woman’s insecurities. I believe there is a thing as emotional cheating. When you are emailing or texting personal, sexually suggestive things, photos, etc, when you are discussing things with someone that you won’t discuss with your mate. That’s where intent comes in, like czBrat said.

Are men less forgiving of cheating? Heck yes! Ego, insecurities about whether the other guy was better, etc.
I could write a book on this topic. (But I won’t, I have work to do).

czBrat ♀

April 2nd, 2013
9:29 am

penelope & moni, that’s the prevalent point of view. i’m just a little different in that sense.

MissMoni

April 2nd, 2013
9:31 am

-czBrat That’s cool, nothing wrong with having a different view point. :-)

czBrat ♀

April 2nd, 2013
9:34 am

how about emotional cheating as even wishing you were with someone else or regretting who you’re with? that other person might not even be entertaining your daydreams, but the fact that you put energy into wanting someone else means you’re cheating your s/o out of some amount of time, respect and attention. does it take two to cheat?

MsAtl

April 2nd, 2013
9:36 am

czBrat- I think that is stretching it…

SlimNu

April 2nd, 2013
9:37 am

Are men less forgiving of cheating? Heck yes!

Just like there is that double standard of men being able to sleep around and be deemed a King/Playa or what have you,but if a woman does then she’s a h0e…they judge us more harshly when it comes to that. More often times than not, a man will move on after knowing his chick has had another sausage in her biscuit. Women tend to stay after infidelities

MsAtl

April 2nd, 2013
9:38 am

SlimNu- I can’t with you today! Another sausage in her biscuit? That has got to be the funniest! Can I at least finish my coffee???

Leggs

April 2nd, 2013
9:43 am

Very good topic.

Cheating is any emotional/mental intimate connection you with another other than your wife/husband/SO! Cheating doesn’t always constitute a physical connection.

Good morning.

SlimNu

April 2nd, 2013
9:43 am

MsAtl – My bad chica :oops:

czBrat ♀

April 2nd, 2013
9:45 am

men are deemed weak if they put up with a cheating chick; women are supposedly strong for forgiving a cheating man. go figure.

it was worth a shot, atl. furrowed a couple brows no doubt. :)

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 2nd, 2013
9:46 am

“I think to dine or spend time with someone else would be equally dangerous”

Again, I appreciate your perspective, but what about trust? What about understanding that a man and a woman can be in shared space and exercise some self control??? There are as many tombs in the relationship graveyard from a lack of trust and faith as there are from actually creeping…..

disco

April 2nd, 2013
9:46 am

good morning. lol. in defense of cheaters the world over I have to admit that semantics comes in very handy when discussing cheating. lol. if ever there was a time when something needed to be defined, and defined clearly, that’s the time.

court – I’m with you on emotional cheating. I always try to hide my eyeroll when it comes up. a lot of females believe in it though. a lot of them think it’s worse than physical.

MissMoni

April 2nd, 2013
9:46 am

LOL at “sausage in her biscuit”!!! I’d like to go on record and say that I’ve NEVER heard that before, LMBO!!!

MissMoni

April 2nd, 2013
9:48 am

-Leggs GREAT point!!!

disco

April 2nd, 2013
9:50 am

brat – here I am considering myself the strong women but when it comes to cheating homey don’t play that. of course, my version of cheating is strictly the physical variety. I might even throw in financial cheating because you better not be sharing my/our money. lol. as for who you talk to and what you share, whatever. not that real to me unless you are telling my personal business. the D and the money. that’s real. of course, I’d like to go on record as saying all bets are off if the female in question is some chick that I have already determined to be off limits.

SlimNu

April 2nd, 2013
9:50 am

Have any of you ever seen that show on the OWN network called Unfaithful? Men have admitted to emotional cheating or at least it starting out that way before they take it to a physical level. But with all things, folks will have their own perspectives. It all goes back to satisfying the ego…

Celisea

April 2nd, 2013
9:50 am

Cheating is cheating….whether it’s physical or emotional. If you take issue with it, when the shoe is on the other foot, then let that be your guage.

Men can’t deal with cheating like women have over the centuries. Especially when a man is a cheater himself, to replay in his mind all the things he done with others, some dude doing to her, making those eyes roll back in her head, etc. That’s a pill to swallow.

My girl whose “husband the hoe” thought for a second she was cheating on him, went ballistic. Don’t dish what you can’t take. Well, don’t dish at all, but especially if you aren’t bred to take it when it comes back around for you.

MissMoni

April 2nd, 2013
9:52 am

Trust that human nature does take it’s course. It’s natural that the more time you spend with someone, alone in an intimate setting, the fonder you become of them. I suppose some people just like to play with fire and that’s their choice, just know sooner or later you get burned.

MissMoni

April 2nd, 2013
9:54 am

-Celisea EXACTLY, don’t dish it at all!!!

Celisea

April 2nd, 2013
9:56 am

Most times and most cases, folks don’t just walk up and jump or pounce on someone. Cheating has a start…that can be over lunch, dinner, spending time together, etc….as Penelope pointed out. I agree.

Yes, you have to trust one another, but if you know there’s somethng stirring in your groin or they’re in your pschye, who are you fooling? Yourself, correct. Trust can be factored in where there’s absolutely nothing going on and two can break bread or chat or run an errand together. But every individual knows one’s self better than anyone. And for me, if I KNOW that there’s an attraction that’s hidden from my boo, Imma be trustworthy and not touch it at all.

Trust goes out the window when you’re scaling the edge and will eventually fall in. Trust is to keep you from that point.

MsAtl

April 2nd, 2013
9:57 am

Courtside- Now I have to agree with you. Men and women can “share space” and go to lunch, dinner, whatever, with no thought as to getting with that person. It is subjective based upon the particular people involved. I went to lunch woth male co-workers on a regular basis, but I have turned down “coffee” dates from certain men because I saw the wolf tail sticking out the back of their suit. You generally know when you should and when you shouldn’t and if you misjudge and someone crosses the line, it is up to you to properly put them back behind that line.

Disco- You’re right about semantics. “I did not have sexual intercourse with that woman” (while Monica is crawling all over the floor) LMAO!

Celisea

April 2nd, 2013
9:57 am

MissMoni – You’re 9:52 is on point….

Trust that human nature does take it’s course

igg zackly

Celisea

April 2nd, 2013
10:02 am

And just remember, it’s easy to say and interact when it’s you and someone else, but if that thing…the same exact thing you say is harmless….gets next to you when your woman or man is doing it…then you shouldn’t either. No matter how innocent it seems.

disco

April 2nd, 2013
10:02 am

here I go being contrary but I have to say that all the “human nature” and close proximity in the world will not make certain folks grow on me. trust me on that. some folks are just not my cup of tea and won’t be no matter how much time we have to spend together.

czBrat ♀

April 2nd, 2013
10:04 am

being unfaithful is rampant indeed, but it’s not in every human’s nature. just as stealing, killing or even cheating on a test is doable (sometimes without repercussion) but not everyone is going to make the choice to go that route.

basically, know who you’re f*cking with or don’t f*ck with em at all.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2013
10:08 am

“emotional cheating” is BS – I have to disagree with you Courtside.

Many times a man or woman can have a deeper bond with another, even to tell their wife/husband that someone else is their best friend. The person they share there deepest thoughts and concerns with. Now, you may ask why didn’t they marry that person. They didn’t love them, but they still have that deep connection. Therefore, his or her whole isn’t given to the spouse. The disconnect no doubt will feel like you’re being cheated on.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

April 2nd, 2013
10:08 am

“Trust that human nature does take it’s course”

Again, I throw a flag on the play…… What about the greatest human gift..THE ABILITY TO CHOOSE!!! If a person is true to their relationship then all the temptation in the world will not matter….

czBrat ♀

April 2nd, 2013
10:10 am

disco, that’s it really. if every interaction with the opposite sex is potentially threatening, then you’re either dealing with a dog or incredibly insecure … or some degree of both. situations will arise that are truly a test of one’s character and commitment, but that’s what finding your way to a healthy relationship is about. if you’re PUTTING yourself in those situations, repeatedly and just for yucks, well, somebody needs therapy.

Celisea

April 2nd, 2013
10:11 am

disco – but I have to say that all the “human nature” and close proximity in the world will not make certain folks grow on me

In this case, you should be able to spend the night together in the same bed and be safe. I believe the point made was if there’s an attraction going on. And if that’s the case, you’re lying to your mate and yourself with the “trust” thing. You already know going in or eating/hanging out, you run the risk of taking things to another level.

Bluzgirl

April 2nd, 2013
10:11 am

Morning all! Hey czBrat! Long time, no read! Hope you’re doing well.

Cheating is cheating is cheating! Whether emotional or physical, being with someone other than your SO is cheating. I had an emotional affair once (while I was about 20-21). I was engaged, he was married. It was a bad situation. It all started out with us just talking about issues because we went to school together. It turned into us skipping classes together to talk. He admitted to falling for me, left his wife, called me and I was going to meet him in Valdosta the next day. He went back to his wife.

I caught the Ex having sexual conversation online with a mutual friend. That hurt really bad. I should have dumped him then! Looking back, I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the only girl he talked to. I wouldn’t be surprised if he did cheat physically with someone else, but I’d like to think that he didn’t. I just found out last night that he and his fiance apparently have an open relationship now! I could NEVER do that!!!

Celisea

April 2nd, 2013
10:12 am

An unspoken attraction….unspoken to your boo…lol Tell your SO you’re feeling someone you’re spending time with. Let me know how that goes…lololol

Leggs

April 2nd, 2013
10:13 am

“I think to dine or spend time with someone else would be equally dangerous”

Again, I appreciate your perspective, but what about trust? What about understanding that a man and a woman can be in shared space and exercise some self control???”

Again, Courtside, I get what your saying, but trust can be handled better than placing temptation on someone’s platter. Take business meetings, I have heard married men/women shouldn’t go to busines dinners with the opposite sex because although one needs be trustworthy, the single person has nothing much to lose and can and may entice you to the point that you throw caution to the wind. Now, now, now, don’t say one must have better self-control, I get that. What I’m saying is your threshold of tolerance may be higher than another. Again, why throw temptation into the mix when you don’t have to.

Before you say it, not saying married and boo’ed up folk can’t mingle with the single sector. Just saying you have to be cognizant of the single sector you surround yourself with.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2013
10:15 am

czB ~ yeah, you said what I said only with less words and more to the point (10:04) (lol).

Celisea

April 2nd, 2013
10:17 am

And as a dude once told me, for all the women he’s “friends” with, in the back of his mind there’s ALWAYS the possibility of hooking up on the table. He declares it’s like this for every man. I’m not a man, so I can’t concretely confirm, but I believe him. He said he’ll never say that outloud, but if the opportunity presents itself, he’s taking. Now that low, but is it a reality? I bet.

Leggs

April 2nd, 2013
10:18 am

MissMoni

April 2nd, 2013
10:19 am

“Why throw temptation into the mix when you don’t have to.”

My point EXACTLY!!! Everyone is not supportive and respectful of YOUR relationship. Honestly, I think that some people like and enjoy the additional attention they get from the opposite sex while they are in a relationship.

czBrat ♀

April 2nd, 2013
10:22 am

HiYa Bluz!! hows it goes it?

i think we can all agree that your anecdotes are definitely “Cheating is cheating is cheating!”. :lol:

Leggs

April 2nd, 2013
10:23 am

MissMoni, no doubt. Many still want to see if they can “catch” even if they plan on throwing the fish back out to sea!

Reio

April 2nd, 2013
10:25 am

Don’t really know what to say on this topic. I’ve always been a one woman man. Never cheated. I was also very quick to give a woman the boot if I didn’t like the way things were going, which never involved cheating on her part, thank goodness. I used to find it interesting when I would hear a boyfriend complaining that he thinks his girl is cheating on him. I used to say “She can’t cheat, cause you’re not married to her”. If you’re not married, there is no such thing as cheating, unless you have discussed it, and agreed to sleep exclusively with one another, then one of you goes out and breaks that promise. Just my opinion though.