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Marriage without a prenup?

Another reality tv show couple getting divorced.  I know, you’re completely shocked.  I am shocked too.  I am shocked because some reports have said that the couple has no prenuptial agreement.   I then realized that being surprised about no prenup is kind of sad.   When did having a prenup really become the norm?

A lot people with modest income and assets decide to take measures to protect themselves.  It seems that wealthy people with sizable income and a lot of assets should just make prenups a part of their normal pre-wedding traditions.

Is this a sign that we are self-preserving, selfish people who don’t expect our marriages to last?  Do you think that prenuptial agreements are part of the problem or part of the solution for our marital expectations?

Would you oppose to signing a prenuptial agreement?  What is it about prenuptial agreements that sets people on edge.  Isn’t marriage a legal transaction already?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

350 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy

March 28th, 2013
7:02 am

I know, you’re completely shocked. no I’m no, cause I don’t care!

Isn’t marriage a legal transaction already? no it is not!! But people should still protect themselves

Would you oppose to signing a prenuptial agreement? no I wouldn’t,

Hello All

Lee

March 28th, 2013
7:24 am

I am not surprised fake people married other fake people to boost themselves in some spot light so they can feel important.
I think a prenuptial is a good thing, I think of it this way planning ahead while things are good, waiting till thing could be ugly is not the time to discuss or be fair on issues. Plan while you are happy if things don’t stay happy everyone knows the deal was fair for both parties.
Tired wish i could go back to bed.

MissMoni

March 28th, 2013
7:50 am

GOOD Thursday Morning MIA (It’s Friday Eve)!!! :-)

Do you think that prenuptial agreements are part of the problem or part of the solution for our marital expectations? I think it’s part of the problem, however many couples do it to “protect” themselves “just in case”. . .

Would you oppose to signing a prenuptial agreement? Yes, I would oppose. Miss Moni is NOT signing a pre-nup. When I get married my plan is to stay married until DEATH do us part. It makes no sense to me to drive myself crazy thinking about what COULD happen IF we get a divorce.

Once again, this is why it’s important to KNOW who you are marrying and understand WHY you are marrying that person. If you marry a golddigger who is ONLY interested in your money, then it may be in your best interest to get a pre-nup. As I always say, do what works best for YOU!!!

Exiled

March 28th, 2013
8:14 am

How do you know you are marrying a gold digger MissMoni?

I had nothing to protect so I did not sign one. If I divorce I will leave most to Queen anyway. Those babies I gave her will necessitate that.
I will take the shortgun! :lol:

Happy Friday eve fo sho!

Reio

March 28th, 2013
8:22 am

If I were gerting married, there would be no prenup. Wouldn’t sign one and wouldn’t want her to sign one either. I’ll go into it expecting it to last til death do us part. Should the marriage turn bad, we’ll deal with those kinds of issues then. I just don’t see the reasoning behind it, I just don’t.

MissMoni

March 28th, 2013
8:23 am

Hi Ex! Good job on how you’d handle the situation if that were the case. How do you know you are marrying a gold digger? You trying to tell me that you don’t know the characteristics of a gold digger? I gave you the first clue in my original post, if the person is ONLY interested in your money that’s the #1 sign.
-If they could care less that you’re working 3 jobs to keep them in a home that you actually can’t afford.
-If they’d rather spend your money than spend time with you.
-If they show no compassion or sincerity for your feelings.
-If the main idea of 95% of your conversations are about when you’re going to give them more money or buy them something.

Please know that the above hints are not all inclusive.

Reio

March 28th, 2013
8:29 am

I don’t think I’ve ever dated a woman whom I believed to be a goldigger. Which is good, cause the minute I decide that she is one, she is out the door. That simple. Go somewhere else to get paid. Sorry, no can do.

MissMoni

March 28th, 2013
8:36 am

Hi Reio! The crazy thing is that in this day and age, the term gold digger is not just for women anymore. There are quite a few men who are looking for a meal ticket as well.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 28th, 2013
8:42 am

Morning folks!!! This is another reason why the institution of marriage as we know it is on its last legs….. From the very start, Marriage was a business arraingement with very little to do with love and living happily ever after. The church hijacked it and all kinds of chaos has followed. the sooner it get back to being just about business, the better society off we will be as a society…..

Reio

March 28th, 2013
8:44 am

MissMoni – Yes, I know. Those are the kind that a woman should not even give the time of day. Nothing worse than a lazy, good for nothing, worthless, no ambition, lying, cheatin, unreliable, dim witted, stankin, whorish, loud mouthed, low down, dirty, filthy, unclean, backward….a$$ adult male. Just sayin.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 28th, 2013
8:46 am

Hey MissMoni…. I have dated a gold digger before and I had no issue with it…. I knew from the start what her angle was, and I had it set in my head work her with limited investment until such time as she cut bait, or I got tired….That was one of the best 4 month runs of my life!!! :)

MissMoni

March 28th, 2013
8:48 am

-Reio I totally agree!!!

-Court That validates my saying: Do what works best for YOU! ;-)

SlimNu

March 28th, 2013
8:50 am

Morning,

I’m surprised to read how you would handle thins there Ex. Kudos to you! The thought of being made to sign a pre-nup definitely makes me feel some kind of way about it. However, I do understand why one might want to suggest it in the first place. But i’ve never been that kind of person to want to try to get over on someone or take what didn’t belong to me. In my mind, i feel like it is sort of already givng the couple an excuse or ‘life line’ so to speak to not put forth as much effort as they would had that ’safety net’ not been there. It’s almost like a flying trapeze artist performing with the net below versus one performing without one there. If you know that net is down below, you might feel less inclined to be careful of what you’re doing. However, knowing that if you get careless and the ground is 30 stories below, maybe you’ll be more attentive to the issues at hand. Before yall get your panties in a bunch, I know marriage is not the same as performing in circus but just tap into your figurative mind for a sec. lol

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 28th, 2013
8:55 am

I saw a story in the paper a few days ago where an oil tycoon was getting divorced from his wife of 25 years and they had no Pre-Nup…..She is set to receive nearly 5.5 BILLION in the settlement!!! This will be the largest divorce payout in history!!!

MissMoni

March 28th, 2013
8:59 am

Hi SlimNu! I get your visual, good analogy! :-)

-Court The wife is simply getting a return on her 25 year investment. ;-)

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 28th, 2013
9:02 am

MissMoni….. Not a bad gig if you can get it!!!! Let me ask…..What would YOU put up with if you knew that in 25 years you would walk away with 5.5 Billion????

SlimNu

March 28th, 2013
9:03 am

Court – Well at least they were married for 25years…these days folks are divorcing after a matter of months. What is THAT about? :???:

Celisea

March 28th, 2013
9:12 am

From the very start, Marriage was a business arraingement with very little to do with love and living happily ever after. The church hijacked it and all kinds of chaos has followed

Married was instituted by God. God is the church….not a building, not a person but the body, the movement…all of that is God. Marriage belongs to God.

I think for better or worse is all encompassing. I think having a safety net is the demise of so many marriage today. Meaning, no real effort to stick with it because there’s a safety net…just in case. Know the person before you jump in. I think when things go awry or you end up with a gold digger, it shame on them for being a user and shame on you for not looking before you leaped.

I just say do the dang thing. For better for worse, in sickness and in health, for RICHER or poorer, so forth and so on

MissMoni

March 28th, 2013
9:12 am

I agree with SlimNu in that they made it 25 years. However more than likely she put up with some things that some people probably would not.

-Court I absolutely don’t do domestic violence of ANY kind (physical, verbal or emotional). As far as infidelity, for me that’s a workable situation, especially if it was only a 1 time deal. I wouldn’t stay married to a man that is straight up openly disrespecting me for 25 years. I need love, affection & attention so if he could still provide me with that and I DON’T know and have NO clue about what else he’s doing, then yes I’ll be there for 25 years and walk away with 5.5 billion. People kill me talking about money can’t buy happiness, clearly they don’t know what to buy, LOL!!!

Celisea

March 28th, 2013
9:16 am

Both of y’all are at fault. Anything that goes awry, that involved two individuals, USUALLY and in most cases attributed to both being at fault. And just because a person asks for dough don’t mean they’re the person we can lay blame to. Asking for money is the fallout. The issue of what went wrong, I would guess, lies within their relationship. And it’s funny because I can name a buttload of things about the last relationship…that went wrong. I bet if you ask him, from his perspective what went wrong, he’d have something to say was well.

Reio

March 28th, 2013
9:16 am

The concept of love is man made anyway. Courtside Seats, your 8:42am post has a great deal of truth in it. Think about it logically. We are taught that “You can’t help who you fall in love with”. Well, I beg to differ. The British aristocracy had a lot to do with the way we view love today anyway. If it is true that we can’t help who we fall in love with, we also can’t help WHEN we fall in love either. And if I can’t help when I fall in love, hell, I can fall in love with another woman 20 min after my wedding ceremony, just because I can’t help it. The truth is, we decide when and with whom we fall in love. In other words , we control it.

Celisea

March 28th, 2013
9:17 am

Well, not a buttload, but IJS

Celisea

March 28th, 2013
9:19 am

And the person didn’t become a gold digger at the divorce hearing. They (he or she), walked in like that. If you were blinded by hawtness or great sex-ness, or just dang smitten…..well, wouldn’t the payor be partly to blame…for missing the mark?

Accountability folks…own it

NY2GA

March 28th, 2013
9:20 am

Hey Reio, your 9:16 “I can fall in love with another woman 20 min after my wedding ceremony”, this might be lust vs. love …

If I am sitting on millions, then yes, you should think about a prenup and consider it, currently I am not that wealthy, so it’s all good…

Celisea

March 28th, 2013
9:21 am

Logic is gonna be the death of some folks. Love ain’t logical. Marriage ain’t logical, life ain’t logical.

LOLOLOL…okay, need coffee

BBL……..

Celisea

March 28th, 2013
9:24 am

The truth is, we decide when and with whom we fall in love. In other words , we control it.

Then we shouldn’t have any bitter bobbies walking around then. If you can decide with whom, then please for the love of Christ, just “undo” the dang thing and get over it….right?

LOLOLOL

MissMoni

March 28th, 2013
9:24 am

-Hi Celisea! Since you brought up logic, my question to you is this: Do you think there is a difference between logic and common sense?

IJS people need to logically think about WHO they are marrying. Like you said OWN your choice. It is also helpful to know what the other person’s expectations are.

Leggs

March 28th, 2013
9:25 am

I don’t have to think about prenups. No one in my dating circle is rich (lol).

Seriously, I don’t really see anything wrong with signing a prenup. I don’t think a person should take another for all they’re worth if most of the wealth was earned before they came into the picture. And, some may be counting their time to stay in the marriage just to be rewarded. I’ve heard most prenups yield a higher return if you stay in the marriage 10 years. One day before that 10 years, you’ll get less. I know different states have different laws, but depending on what you have and how much of it you have, I see nothing wrong with protecting yourself.

Look at Hugh Hefner. That man is 86 years old and married his 26 year old girlfriend. Do you think that’s real love on her part. He says it’s the best love he’s ever experienced. Bet she signed a prenup.

Unfortunately, people don’t seem to look at the institution of marriage the way they should. It’s a union between two people with many peaks and valleys. Everything will not be easy, but you can’t jump ship right out the gate when things turn murky. And yes, this is coming from a divorced woman. But I stayed and worked on what I could work on for 12.5 years.

Morning!

Reio

March 28th, 2013
9:27 am

NY2GA – Love is invented. If you don’t have Down Syndrome, or Cerebral Palsy, you normally don’t fall in love with someone that does. Why, cause you control it. If you are 31, you don’t fall in love with someone 81, why, you control it. Who here has ever fallin in love with a blind person? Just sayin. Think about it.

disco

March 28th, 2013
9:29 am

good morning. if I remember correctly this topic was definitely divided between two teams. team if you love me we don’t need a pre-nup and team what’s love got to do with it? lol. me? I’m on team what’s love got to do with it. absolutely nothing wrong with a pre-nup in my opinion.

MissMoni

March 28th, 2013
9:30 am

Morning Leggs! Please know that Hugh Hefner’s children have total control of his assets. The current wife gets as much plastic surgery as she wants for FREE, but when he dies she doesn’t get to touch his major money, LOL! I agree, peole don’t seem to look at marriage the way they should. . .

Single and Happy

March 28th, 2013
9:30 am

Pre-nups s should only cover assets before the marriage. Anything after is fair game. Just like a will, no one wants to use them but boy do they really come in handy when needed!!

SlimNu

March 28th, 2013
9:32 am

A person may not have been a ‘gold digger’ in the beginning…but may have experienced a lot of bullllllshizzle during a long marriage. So when things go downhill, hurt & anger sets in and can cause folks to act more gully, be more scan dalous and all you want is revenge…want the partner to hurt like you hurt, if not more. Women know men value their belongings and their money. So what better way to get back at them, than to hit them in the pocket. Bitterness can be like a cancer spreading all throughout one’s thinking.

MsAtl

March 28th, 2013
9:32 am

Morning All!

Reio- Re: your 8:44- WOW!

I enter into marriage expecting it to last, not thinking of the end on day one. I would not want to start a marriage off like that; there are other ways to protect assets and/or to make sure you provide for your children (in cases of second or more marriages). Thus, I would not want to sign a prenup and would not ask someone else to sign.

Ex- Kudos to you on your 8:14. I get so disgusted when I see men trying to leave the ex-wife and kids damn near destitute out of revenge or just plain trifling-ness.

Celisea

March 28th, 2013
9:33 am

MissMoni – I don’t dabble and spend time thinking “logically” through everything. That’s just so calculating. I like life to flow. I don’t try to control the “cans and cannots” or the “wills or wonts.” IMO, that’s not living. I don’t say run around doing any ole thing all willy nilly, neither will I say to live void of common sense, but to plan every dang thing or to try and see the outcome is soooo not living.

What’s life without the unexpected? The ups and the downs, the good and the bad? Those components that make you grow and stretch and learn. Me personally (no matter how dumb someone may see it), ain’t trying to SEE and predict and make sure you’re on the mark, make sure the move I make is certain to have the right outcome. No matter how smart beng logical sounds and how dumb to not be, FOR ME takes the joy out of life. I live on faith. I take it one day at a time. I depend on God. That’s all I need. He can see much further and far better, than my best thinking, outcoming, planning, etc etc etc

And to think about who you’re marrying…pay attention, watch for signs…make a decision. Good, bad or indifferent, live with you choice

Bluzgirl

March 28th, 2013
9:33 am

Morning MIA!

Since I seem to be attracted to broke artists, I should be the one asking for a pre-nup! LOL! Not that I have a lot of money, but I do have a house, car, 401k…

I wouldn’t be opposed to signing a pre-nup. When/if I finally get married, I would hope it is until death. If it happened to end, I’d like to believe that I wouldn’t care about taking his money…

disco

March 28th, 2013
9:34 am

court – billions? I don’t care how much money you have. that’s when you operate under the doctrine of it’s cheaper to keep her (or hire someone to make her disappear – lol).

reio – I agree with you on you can help who you fall in love with. I’ve made that very argument countless times.

celisea – logic may be the death of some but we sure can’t deny that love has been the death of many. lol.

Button

March 28th, 2013
9:35 am

Good morning! no prenup for me. I will be insulted for even being asked to sign one or it even being uttered from his lips. If a person is so worried about their assets/money then they should remain single.

NY2GA

March 28th, 2013
9:36 am

@Reio – I kinda get what you are saying, but true love (in my humble opinion) is not established when you just look at someone, love is built over time with someone you care about, trust and believe in. Lust is when you see that person and just gotta have them. Can you fall in love with a blind person, sure if you give it the time but how many people do that. We want instant satisfaction and long lasting love is not built on that.

Celisea

March 28th, 2013
9:36 am

A person may not have been a ‘gold digger’ in the beginning…but may have experienced a lot of bullllllshizzle during a long marriage

Meeeeh, IMO, I disagree. People are who they are. If you didn’t see it until well into it, don’t blame them for being scum. You just didn’t see it. That’s not to excuse a person’s behavior, but again, take accountability for missing the mark.

I can’t take a hardline and say a prenup is bad, I just say don’t call foul when a person goes for the gold.

Celisea

March 28th, 2013
9:38 am

Well, I definitely could NOT date a person that lives on logic…lol

disco – True

NY2GA

March 28th, 2013
9:39 am

@Disco – again, I want to point out the difference between love and lust, being in love with someone, what the heart wants vs. what the other body parts want …

Love has been the death of many or foolish actions, love is supposed to be a good thing, something to be cherished.

Celisea

March 28th, 2013
9:39 am

I don’t think a person should take another for all they’re worth if most of the wealth was earned before they came into the picture.

Agreed

Leggs

March 28th, 2013
9:45 am

MissMoni ~ I did forget that aspect. Nonetheless, she’s in it for a payout and will get one.

MsAtl ~ I got a surprising text the other day from my Ex thanking me for not being an evil beyotch ex like his friends ex’s are always dragging them to court for back child support or putting them in jail.

MissMoni

March 28th, 2013
9:47 am

-Celisea I too have faith in God and I trust Him with everything. “In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.” So before I commit to someone I pray about it AND wait and listen for an answer. I’m not about spending my valuable time with someone who I wasn’t supposed to be with in the first place.

Life is going to happen regardless, whether a person is logical or not. It’s the person’s reaction that defines who they are. IJS some people live life and continue to go through the SAME situations over and over and over again because they continue to do the SAME things that got them in that situation/relationship in the first place. I’m all about learning from your experiences and doing better!

Live, Love, Laugh! :-D

MissMoni

March 28th, 2013
9:48 am

-Leggs Yes she will, but you never know these days, she could keel over first.

SlimNu

March 28th, 2013
9:50 am

You are totally free to agree or disagree….but it stands that hurt people hurt people. Plus how do you explain folks that got married when neither one of them was making any money, not famous, nor some big shot. However, as time goes on, one begins to gain great success. They didn’t have a pot to p!ss in at first but acquired wealth later on. Years past, things happen and now a divorce is in the works. Old girl or old due is now fighting for a big chunk of cheese. How in the world can you assume that waaaaaaaaaaay back when, they were gold diggers??

Reio

March 28th, 2013
9:52 am

Many many years ago(2009), a co-worker said that prenups are a waste of time. If she tries to take you to the cleaners, “Thats what a sawed-off, 12 gauge, pump, shotgun is for” Lol. He was kidding.

MissMoni

March 28th, 2013
9:54 am

LOL at Reio’s 9:52!!!

Leggs

March 28th, 2013
9:54 am

Anything is possible, MissMoni!