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First date disaster?

What do you do if your first date with someone is a total disaster?  Do you think you would give it another shot?

I received an email from a guy who said that his first date did not go as well as he expected.  The woman was late and then was rude to the people serving them.  Now this is the type of thing that should probably torpedo any chance of a second date.   This guy, however, decided to overlook all of that and asked her out again.

The second date was totally opposite of the first.  The woman was on time, in a much better mood, and noticeably kinder to everyone.  He is happy he gave it another shot but he is worried about which “representative” is closer to the real version of his date.

Do you think some people just have bad days that lead to one bad date?  Would you be willing to invest in a second or third date if the first date was a disaster?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

477 comments Add your comment

MissMoni

March 26th, 2013
7:30 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!!

Do you think some people just have bad days that lead to one bad date? Yes

Would you be willing to invest in a second or third date if the first date was a disaster? It depends on the person, what kind of disaster it was and how much potential I saw in them.

Overall, everyone’s gage is different as to what their deal breakers are. Now yours prior to the first date and stick to your guns.

,

Exiled

March 26th, 2013
8:09 am

Just go,hang out and enjoy free food!

Quit with the whining,as if uall are the same people All the damn time.

Some of uall we know that with a Lil bleeding uall get f^#cked & jacked$& up!

So give others a break as well.No two days are the same.
The only way u can really know each other is after u have compromised each other.

Some dudes run and some women get too clingy.

Good morning MIA!

MissMoni

March 26th, 2013
8:13 am

*Know yours prior. . .

-Ex I do like your idea of hanging out and enjoying free food, however some behaviors should not be overlooked but viewed as warning signs.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 26th, 2013
8:30 am

Morning Ex, MissMoni……

I happen to be a fan of first dates, so I am always willing to let a a bad one slide as long as the lady was not a total wad….. Otherwise, we try it again and hope for a time…….

Button

March 26th, 2013
8:32 am

Good morning!
Kudos to the guy for giving the woman a second chance.

Do you think some people just have bad days that lead to one bad date? Yes, it happens, life happens but, I would’ve tried to reschedule the date or at least check my attitude at the door.

Would you be willing to invest in a second or third date if the first date was a disaster? If I really liked the guy then yes I would. Now if the second date is just as disastrous as the first, then no third date from me.

Button

March 26th, 2013
8:37 am

Although it’s not fair to be rude to others when you’re having a bad day, maybe he should tread lightly and see how she acts going forward when she’s having a bad day.

Mike P

March 26th, 2013
8:52 am

Kudos to Button’s 8:32am post on her second paragraph.

life does happens but life is short so if she came to my date with that attitude, the date would’ve ended shorter than scheduled, and there wouldn’t be a second date. Attitude determines the person’s behavior patterns.

LeeH1

March 26th, 2013
8:54 am

Uh, oh! Look out for bi-polar personality syndrome! If she is a cat the first date, and nice the next, then there may be some real mood swings back and forth, a real and highly important warning sign.

Any time someone is rude to you or to others on a date, that is a major red flag!

Leggs

March 26th, 2013
9:21 am

“Do you think some people just have bad days that lead to one bad date?” Strong possibility, but if you’re really have such a foul day, why not just ask for a raincheck than subject others to your crankiness (especially on the first date).

“Would you be willing to invest in a second or third date if the first date was a disaster?” – Hard call. It all depends on how bad the date went and the personality that was in front of me.

Morning.

Button

March 26th, 2013
9:21 am

Mike P – bad on her part but good on his for looking outside the box.
LeeH1 – I was going to go there but I decided not to but, you got made a good point about her being bi-polar. Although we don’t know all the factors surrounding the date one things for sure she was a party pooper and rude. He must really like her b/c the average guy/woman would not have given a second chance or thought. “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” ― Maya Angelou.
Going forward this guy will have to know that when she is in a bad mood or not having a good day, she will take it out on any and everyone in her reach. If he can handle that, then all power to him.

MsAtl

March 26th, 2013
9:29 am

Morning All!

Yes, I believe that people have bad days that lead to one bad date, however, like Button said, I would not have shown up and shown out like that. Whether there is a second date would depend on the circumstances and just how bad the date was.

Celisea

March 26th, 2013
9:41 am

Hmmmm I dunno on this one. It just depends on the circumstances. For me, for the most part, I’d be willing to give it another go.

Now if it’s a situation where a dude is just crass, disrespectful, talking sex or innuendos early on, not only would there be no second date, the first one is getting cut short.

Mike P

March 26th, 2013
9:45 am

Button,

If I were to date someone like that, it would mean I can expect her to be rude, late, and overall disrespectful every time things don’t go her way. Like you said, life happens, but if this is how she behaves, and on a first date too, she is telling me how she really is in her life MOST of the time. We’re suppose to find a mate who makes life a little easier. I would think having to excuse and apologize for your mate’s for rude behavior would made it more difficult.

disco

March 26th, 2013
9:48 am

good morning. I must be the only person who truly gets a kick out of other people being in a bad mood or being grumpy. especially people who try so hard to be happy and bubbly and positive all the time. I’m the one that listens to them rant and crack up the whole time. I love it!! a bad first date simply because someone is in a bad mood might warrant a do-over. a bad date because someone is simply a jerk. no do-over. get to stepping.

SlimNu

March 26th, 2013
9:58 am

Morning Lovelies,

I pretty much feel the same way yall do…it really depends on what the circumstances were. Knowing me, I’d probably ask buddy if everything was cool since he may seem a bit stressed. But if you know you aren’t up to a first date and other things going on, imma need you to reschedule.

disco

March 26th, 2013
10:03 am

personally I’m totally annoyed by folks that are all happy all the time. granted some folks are generally happier than others but I just don’t trust all happy, all the time. turn that mess down a notch. this is why I respect folks showing their moods. you’ve got men trying to hold everything in because it’s what men do and you’ve got women trying to hold things in because they don’t want to be another “emotional female”. I say keep it real and put your demons out there. the good stuff is the easy stuff. the bad stuff is when you see what folks are made of. I’ve dated guys that are kool and the gang until I have occasion to go off. then they go punk on me. well guess what? I don’t do punks. you can’t take a little hollering, screaming, cussing? a few idle threats? you ain’t the one for me. lol. and that’s not to say I do it all day every day but it’s going to happen.

Button

March 26th, 2013
10:05 am

Mike P – exactly!
disco – yous a dark person lol do you like dark satire?

Button

March 26th, 2013
10:08 am

disco – you can’t take a little hollering, screaming, cussing? a few idle threats? ABSOLUTELY NOT! that’s cray cray lol I guess a lil stabbing will do too? or a few gun shots?

Lee

March 26th, 2013
10:10 am

People who are rude to others will soon be rude to you.

disco

March 26th, 2013
10:13 am

button – it’s not crazy. for most people I think it’s realer than they want to admit. they like to stay in that “politically correct” place of being a smiling sunshine face all the time. I know I’m not the only one to raise my voice, cuss a little bit and use a “you got one more ‘gin” type threat.

Lee

March 26th, 2013
10:16 am

Disco i agree – people that are always happy — i think there is something wrong with them, from experience those who claim life is always perfect wonderful– its an act and soon you hear the real drama. Life isn’t peerfectoo’ , life is messy .. but that doesn’t mean you have to be rude either.

disco

March 26th, 2013
10:20 am

button – to me the person who can’t take a little screaming and cussing is soft. I’m not saying they have to take it day in and day out but if they are in tears because someone cursed in their presence they are a punk. this is just my take on it.

lee – I’m with you on rude. I’m just saying one shouldn’t always have to be on good behavior just because it’s acceptable to others. goodness knows I’ve had many days where I wish I could have a full fledged temper tantrum. lol.

Mike P

March 26th, 2013
10:21 am

@Disco: If I were to dismiss a chick who displays the characteristics you listed above, that wouldn’t make me a punk. it just mean I and her are not fitted for one another. besides I don’t do crazy.

MissMoni

March 26th, 2013
10:21 am

-Lee I definitley agree that just because a person is having a not so good day that it doesn’t give them the right to be rude.

Let’s be honest, some people just have a bad attitude to begin with and with those types, I just keep it moving.

Bluzgirl

March 26th, 2013
10:22 am

Morning all!

I agree with most of what has already been said. A second chance would all depend on the circumstances. If you are having that bad of a day, you really should check it at the door. I know that I can get snippy when I’m in a bad mood, but if I had a first date, I would definitely act like all is right in the world. It would be hard to earn a second date if you are rude to others, but I guess it is possible. You would have to apologize for and explain your behavior. Being late isn’t a big deal as long as you are in touch with me. Traffic happens…life happens. If you’re late and you don’t contact me to tell me, then there is a chance I won’t be there when you show up!

Button

March 26th, 2013
10:24 am

disco – I don’t take anybody hollering, cussing or threatening me just a little as a term of endearment.

Leggs

March 26th, 2013
10:25 am

I agree, disco, always happy, smiling people, constantly dishing out compliments are sneaky. Like that song “Smiling Faces”

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪
Smiling faces sometimes pretend to be your friend
Smiling faces show no traces of the evil that lurks within
Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes
They don’t tell the truth uh
Smiling faces, smiling faces
Tell lies and I got proof

The truth is in the eyes
Cause the eyes don’t lie, amen
Remember a smile is just
A frown turned upside down
♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

abc

March 26th, 2013
10:28 am

Conversely, if I met a woman that NEVER seemed to slip the chain and go off for no reason, I’d be looking for the battery pack — chick couldn’t seriously be for real. It’s a female feature that ALL women share.

disco

March 26th, 2013
10:28 am

all of your “nice nice” responses just confirm why I love to see someone lose it and show their bad side. their I’m sick and tired side. their I’ve had about enough of this mess side. it’s in there people. lol.

mike p – I’m saying you are a punk if someone cusses at you or in your presence and you tear up. male or female doesn’t matter. the situation doesn’t matter. if you are about ready to cry because of a word or a raised voice, in disco’s opinion, you are soft.

Button

March 26th, 2013
10:28 am

disco – what you are describing is call ABUSE!

Button

March 26th, 2013
10:31 am

I’d rather be around people who are smiling and pleasant than to be in the company of people hollering, cussing and rude.

MissMoni

March 26th, 2013
10:34 am

-disco I consider myself to be the “Happy Go Lucky” type. I would just like to go on record and say that my other side is so NOT the side that anyone should want to see and it ONLY comes out as needed. Honestly, I make a good effort to distance myself from people and situations that would invoke that “OTHER” side to come out. I’d rather spend my very valuable time not acting a plum fool, but I do agree that SOMETIMES it is necessary to get your point across, LOL! ;-)

Button

March 26th, 2013
10:37 am

abc – I can agree that going off for a valid reason is justifiable, but going off just because you don’t agree/ or having a bad day is a bit childish and about self.

Leggs

March 26th, 2013
10:38 am

Button, I rather be around pleasant people as well. I’m strictly talking about those that are always smiling in your face like they don’t have a care in the world. Case in point, had a friend with the wide grin, pretty teeth always smiling. She came across as if nothing bothered her until she showed me a letter she had written about another coworker. There was a more twisted, demented side to her ramblings. I was surprised, but then I also knew something wasn’t right with her smile. Just because a person always smiles doesn’t mean they’re cool with you.

disco

March 26th, 2013
10:39 am

leggs – thanks. I know folks are all on the mature tip and everything but emotions are real and emotions manifest themselves. just like with gas (lol), I say better out than in.

button – you grew up in “that kind” of environment. lol.

moni – as long as you own that it’s there. like I said, those all happy, all the time folks are suspect to me.

Mike P

March 26th, 2013
10:39 am

Yep, I agree @Button 10:28am post.

MissMoni

March 26th, 2013
10:43 am

-disco That’s exactly how I feel about those all negative and upset, all the time folks.

kimmie

March 26th, 2013
10:44 am

Morning All!!

On topic – It would depend on the circumstances. But when I grew up, I realized nobody really cares whether or not I had a bad day, my mama didn’t hug me enough or my daddy was absent for most of my life. In other words, whatever personal issues I’m having need to be checked at the door when I leave the house for a date, for work, for whatever. If things are that bad, reschedule. If I think the date will cheer me up, go, but if not, nobody wants to be subjected to my stank attitude.

Disco/others – This might sound like a double standard, but if a dude showed up with a nasty attitude, late, cussing at folks, etc, I would run for the hills. If he can’t keep it together in public, no telling what he might do in private and I’m not about to get hit upside the head. Yes, folks that are Suzy/Joey Sunshine are irritating and phoney. But how about just pleasant, polite and normal? Why does one need to get ghetto and gutter? Keep that ish to yourself – that’s just as bad as the overly nice stuff to me!

MissMoni

March 26th, 2013
10:46 am

-kimmie I agree, there’s absolutely nothing phoney or fake about being polite and pleasant.

It’s called using good manners. Treat others how you want to be treated. :-)

Button

March 26th, 2013
10:46 am

Leggs – If a person is always smiling then they are just always smilling, unless I’m with them 24/7 I only see a fraction of their personality. I wouldn’t judge as to why they are aways smiling, I’ll just sum it up as they are a happy person. Sometimes we tend to look for something that’s not really there, unless it affects me in a negative way it’s all good.

disco – I take it that you grew up in “that” kind of environment? Actually I grew up in a comparitively normal household. for the most part we were all civil and happy people.

disco

March 26th, 2013
10:46 am

mike p – you grew up with button. lol.

I have a friend who has since divorced her first husband. she used to complain that he verbally abused her (in particular he called her fat and stupid and it used to make her cry). to be honest, the whole concept tickled me. verbal abuse? for real? you say something to me, I say something to you back. that’s not abuse. it’s conversation. it may be loud or confrontational or inflammatory but we just talking. lol. she told me that she didn’t know what to say and I advised her to use the old standby comeback “yo momma”. lol.

moni – I will say I love my tv grumpies. archie bunker, john becker, Adrian monk, detective munch on SVU.

disco

March 26th, 2013
10:48 am

button – we were civil (enough) but if we acted up we got yelled at, cursed at or whipped if necessary. there were no gentle conversations about “sweetie you know when you do that it hurts mommy’s feelings”. lol.

Button

March 26th, 2013
10:50 am

MissMoni – I agree

abc

March 26th, 2013
10:51 am

Yo mama so grumpy, the McDonald’s she works at don’t sell Happy Meals.

Leggs

March 26th, 2013
10:52 am

There really is no need for anyone to be disrespectful to wait staff, cussing and carrying on. Find the manager, tell them what’s wrong, file a complaint if you need to, then leave! No need to carry one and carry out in public.

Button

March 26th, 2013
10:53 am

disco – I’m done with you—lol
I think it’s comical how some people fly off the handle at petty stuff or anything for that matter. There’s got to be some deep seeded issues.

Button

March 26th, 2013
11:05 am

I have to wonder about that poor waiter/waiteress who was on the receiving end of the misses mood fest. I used to be a waitress and I can tell you it’s mainly females who are the rudest of all esp the “sistahs” oh and they don’t leave a tip or if they do she has the say on how much to leave and don’t even be nice then they think you want their man.

disco

March 26th, 2013
11:06 am

button – I know. I can be a bit much sometimes. lol. plus I’m coming off a weekend where I was straight flying off the handle.

Leggs

March 26th, 2013
11:09 am

Button ~ that’s great and that works for you. I’m cynical at time and I grew up around smiling, sneaky folk. Worked with many. I’m not going to assume someone is simply a happy, smiling individual because I only see them a percentage time of the day. I’m not going to judge why they’re always smiling. I’m simply going to keep an eye open…that’s all and not let my guard completely down.

Don’t want to go off on a tangent here, but I’m not talking about people who are polite and pleasant. I’m a firm believer in good manners. However, there are wolves in sheep clothing, and I’m simply saying don’t get bamboozled by one’s constant joy.

kimmie

March 26th, 2013
11:11 am

disco – Verbal abuse is very real. It is not just a conversation. Certain things you expect to possibly encounter and hear “in the street”. It’s a entirely different ballgame coming from a loved one, like a parent or a spouse. Mere “words” have weight. There is a old saying “a slip of the lip can sink a ship”. I have some relatives that are still trying to undo the damage done to their daughter by her bio mother that constantly called her a beyotch the first 12 years of her life.

Like I said, certain things from folks that don’t know me can roll off of my back. But my husband better not say them to me. I don’t expect to have to constantly fight and defend myself with ugly words in my own home. That’s a volatile relationship and while some folks thrive on drama, I refuse to be stressed in a relationship. While I’m a fighter, yes I’d probably cry some too if my husband talked to me like I was trash. I’m glad your friend divorced that man.