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Dating: Condom Nonsense

I will probably never totally understand men but I won’t ever stop trying.  I just get so perplexed at male logic sometimes.  I am sure men say the same about chick logic!  I actually believe we are not that different fundamentally. We all want the same thing – to be accepted and loved.

The latest perplexing thing a man was actually something I spotted on Facebook, from a relationship expert. (Sidenote: It is hard not to write a snarky joke here but I won’t.)  He was trying to make the point that women who carry their own condoms are sending the wrong message if they want to be taken seriously.  He believes that “women of substance” should be valued and carrying a condom would make it difficult for a man to value her worth.

I have to ask – what kind of guy judges a woman who carries her own condoms?  If you are too lazy, forgetful, unwilling to carry them, are you in a position to judge a woman for having them?

Ok, before I go off on a nonsensical rant on double standards, I will let you weigh in.  What say you, friends? Should women carry condoms?  Do you think there is some risk of being viewed as promiscuous?

P.S. Let’s keep the discussion PG and friendly today, please and thank you.

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

227 comments Add your comment

Exiled

March 20th, 2013
7:16 am

Condom and PG in the same sentenece….umm yeah…thou protest too much and unreasonably DIVA!

Do I think there is a ‘risk’ of being called promiscuous…?? This is a classic ‘do I look fat in this dress’ question!

‘Am I promiscuous if I carry condoms in my handbag?’…… the answer is YES!
:lol:

Lee

March 20th, 2013
7:24 am

We as women should not care what anyone thinks, if you feel you need to have them, by all means buy them, and be safe. To many men lie, baby its just you and me, really he means its just you and me right now in the moment. If a lady isn’t married, I say protect yourself, if a man views this the wrong way that is his problem, not yours, and he is not the right person for you, and you will be glad you are protected at least.

MissMoni

March 20th, 2013
7:35 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!!

I agree with Lee & Ex on this one! If you are sexually active and plan on having sex then what’s the problem with having your own condoms. However, I do know some guys who will not use a condom from a woman for fear that it has been tampered with. Sooooo, on that note just get to know the person BEFORE you have sex with them.

SlimNu

March 20th, 2013
8:11 am

This sounds sooooo stupid…Should I assume that a dude carrying condoms is a d o u ce bag or a male wh0re?! If a guy brings a condom on a date, should I assume that he pretty much thought he was expecting to get somma this? If I carry a kit kat in my purse, does that mean I’m a candyholic, fat slob, no control over eating? If I carry a stun gun or regular gun in my purse, does that mean i’m some crazy psycho ready to zap somebody, anybody looney tune?

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t…

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 20th, 2013
8:37 am

Morning peeps……. Show me a woman that carries her own condoms and I will show you a woman that has her isht together!!! I appreciate, respect and admire a woman that has reached that point in her life……..

Bluzgirl

March 20th, 2013
9:06 am

Really?

If a woman is carrying her own condoms (which she should), how would anyone know until they get down to business? At that point, does it really matter if she pulls out a condom or he does?

I don’t carry them in my purse, but I do have some at home…you never know…

MsAtl

March 20th, 2013
9:08 am

Morning All!

To answer, No! I do not necessarily think a woman is promiscuous for carrying her own condoms. However, it depends on the circumstances. Does she go to the club every weekend expecting to go home with a man she meets and wants to be ready just in case? Then yeah, maybe. Is she carrying them because she meets her boyfriend or regular partner? Then, no. But, whatever the reason, she is thinking about her safety.

I do not carry condoms because I do not have random sex. I believe in getting to know a person prior to being intimate and you’d better believe we have had a discussion and have both been tested. At that point, I will have condoms at home to use with that particular person.

Slim- Good response.

MsAtl

March 20th, 2013
9:08 am

Courtside- Like your response also.

Reio

March 20th, 2013
9:23 am

Well well well, this is one of those topics that got me into trouble years ago with my three sisters. I’ve always been a straight forward, say what’s on your mind kind of fella. During my dating years, I thought it was important to lay my cards on the table, face up, so to speak. Early in the relationship, very early, say 1st, 2nd, or 3rd date I would ask how she felt about premarital sex. Well, this didn’t sit too well with many of them, although most of them, after a look of surprise, would answer with some kind of “Well, if you care for someone, and feel the attraction……..” jibberish. The others that didn’t answer would invariably say ” We just met”, or “I don’t know you……” jibberish. Anyway, my sisters came over one day and wondered why me and a paticular young lady, that they introduced me to, didn’t hit it off. I told them about our conversations and they hit the roof. “It’s too soon to ask that!”, and “Get to know her better”, and “You move too fast”, and “You ought to be ashamed of yourself”(I wasn’t, of course).You see, my thinking was, If she answers with the “Let’s get to know each other better….” jibberish, it’s probably going to happen at some point, and once we do get to know each other better, I could then ask her opinion on condom use. Those that pretended to be shocked and wouldn’t answer at all, I sent them on their merry way. The young lady that they introduced me to, pretended to be shocked and did not answer, So,I told her at the end of that evening, that I would not be seeing her anymore. Didn’t tell her why. She was devastated, from what my sisters told me. They also said that before I go on another date with anyone else, that I should learn the meaning of the word ‘tact’, and that this young lady really wanted to see me again, but wanted to take it slow. I don’t mind taking it slow, but how is just simply answering questions going too fast. I wanted answers to these questions early. The wrong answer, or, no answer at all, ended it for me, before she got too attached. I thought then, just as I believe now, that one should, men & women, learn as much about this other person as soon as you can, to avoid someone getting too attached, and having things coming unglued later, if that makes sense. Even if it doesn’t make sense, that’s how I feel about it.
Long story short; women, don’t carry condoms. Let him know before it gets to that point what you expect, so he will be prepared when the time comes. Besides, he knows what size fits best for him. I know I do. Hehehe.

disco

March 20th, 2013
9:31 am

good morning. I must say the topic is an interesting concept. lol. carrying condoms equals promiscuity? we won’t even talk about the men who ain’t getting any who have that old, dusty, expired condom tucked in the folds of their wallet. as a woman who would and has provided her own condoms I’ll say “you can call me promiscuous but you can’t say I’m burning”. lol.

re condoms being tampered with, that was my off to college advice to many a young man. don’t use a girl’s condom.

disco

March 20th, 2013
9:38 am

court – sounds like you are checking for the chick that carries an overnight bag in her car because, well, you just never know. this chick not only carries condoms but fresh undies and a toothbrush.

MissMoni

March 20th, 2013
9:41 am

-disco In reference to your comment to Court, that’s what is called a Ho Bag.

disco

March 20th, 2013
9:45 am

moni – yep. I started to go there but left it out. don’t judge me but I have one in my car right now. lol. you leave home one time without deodorant and have to go to target before work and you learn. lol.

MissMoni

March 20th, 2013
9:51 am

-disco Rest assured, I’m not judging. I know a few guys that have these bags as well. . . LOL!!!

Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)

March 20th, 2013
9:55 am

I don’t carry condoms. Never have. Sue me :) I don’t sleep with dudes in between relationships. Not my style. When I do decide it’s time, it’s within the realms of “relationship” and by then, we’re handling our business….whatever that mean :mrgreen:

But I always so….do you!!

Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)

March 20th, 2013
9:56 am

A little squared, eh? :)

MsAtl

March 20th, 2013
9:56 am

Moni, disco- Lol @ Ho bag. I have a bag with items also (but not extra panties, lol). Like you said, one time and you learn. It was well known that I kept extra stuff at work. A secretary asked me for deoderant one morning and yes, I had a new trial size to give her.

Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)

March 20th, 2013
9:56 am

“But I always say ….not so

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

March 20th, 2013
9:59 am

Morning blog familia…interesting topic and a few good posts thus far.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being responsible and prepared. So what if you’re in that situation and he doesn’t have any protection….then what? I fail to understand how a woman carrying her own condoms would cause her to be judged negatively…if anything it should be applauded. Yet another double standard…

MissMoni

March 20th, 2013
10:00 am

-Celisea I don’t see you as squared. I actually agree with your way of handling things. I always say do what you can handle mentally, physically & emotionally.

-MsAtl There’s a difference between having an emergency bag and having a Ho Bag. Emergency bags are for those days you forget something important like deoderant, floss, etc. Ho Bags are packed solely for the purpose of freshing up afterwards. . .

disco

March 20th, 2013
10:02 am

C – I see you have fully embraced the square. lol. even within a relationship there are times when a person thought they had another one and then didn’t. you mean you wouldn’t be able to reach into your pocketbook or into your nightstand and save the day? keep a brother from having to drive to Walgreens in the middle of the night and being stared down by a clerk who’s thinking “I know what you are getting ready to do”? lol.

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

March 20th, 2013
10:04 am

you leave home one time without deodorant and have to go to target before work and you learn.

True…my mommy always said, “It’s better to have and not need than to need and not have”. I just like to be prepared for little things like that…so I,too, have extras in my car and office. I have an emergency kit of sorts in my car for “just in case” scenarios but thankfully I haven’t had to use it…still I feel better ’cause I know it’s there.

disco

March 20th, 2013
10:04 am

moni – I think the only difference between a ho bag and an emergency bag is whether or not you actually get some. lol.

Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)

March 20th, 2013
10:04 am

MissMoni – Thanks hon :) I don’t knock what anyone does because we’re all adults and of age and should make decisions we can live with. Not that I’ve not been jonesing “in between” relationships, but I just believe that mind over matter first and foremost and secondly, my body is my temple. I’ve never been that woman that “couldn’t wait” or hold out. Again, I’m not knocking anyone else.

I will say though, ain’t nothing happening without one…lol Nuuuuh uh

Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)

March 20th, 2013
10:07 am

disco – LOLOLOL….stoooop Go back and re-read the last line of my post. Like I said, by the time we “arrive”, he is fully aware of what to do, what to have, what to keep, what I like, when we can forego :shock: , how to do it, hit that, touch this, put it there….ut oh, I veered off didn’t I? hahahahaha

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

March 20th, 2013
10:15 am

you mean you wouldn’t be able to reach into your pocketbook or into your nightstand and save the day?

I know right?! Been there, done that. Shyyd reach in my night stand I had a basket on my night stand with condoms n candy in it…don’t judge me. I refuse to put my safety and well being in someone else’s hands when I can protect myself and that’s what it comes down to…women protecting themselves. Hell STDs/STIs and babies…ain’t nobody got time for that.

being stared down by a clerk who’s thinking “I know what you are getting ready to do”

:lol:

disco

March 20th, 2013
10:17 am

C – mm hmmm. seems like to me almost every man has a tale of when he found himself “this close” and realized he didn’t have his little latex buddy with him. countless men have told the tale of late night store runs or even borrowing them from others. I’ve even known a few females to do that late night scrounge for a condom. condoms are like cigarettes before the prices went way up. folks who have them generally don’t mind sharing them.

MsAtl

March 20th, 2013
10:17 am

Sassy- I am cracking up at your basket! What is the connection between candy and condoms?

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 20th, 2013
10:19 am

WOW!!!! You ladies are ruff today!!! A woman that knows where she is in life and makes no apologies, ( even if that means keeping an overnight bag) is out of pocket??? What happens if you are out and about and you get a stain on your pants??? I keep an suit in my office all the time just in case something comes up where it is needed…Whats wrong with that????

MsAtl

March 20th, 2013
10:24 am

Court- I keep a suit and shoes in my office also. But that is in case I get called to court on a day when I decided to wear separates, not in case I decide to grab a piece, lol. I’m not knocking what anyone else does; to each his or her own. I do what works for me. I don’t know anyone else’s story.

MissMoni

March 20th, 2013
10:24 am

-Court Nothing is wrong with that if you’re SUPERMAN, LOL!!! j/k

kimmie

March 20th, 2013
10:26 am

Morning All!!

having to drive to Walgreens in the middle of the night and being stared down by a clerk who’s thinking “I know what you are getting ready to do”? lol.

Disco, this is the quote of the day for me!! I almost spit my coffee out!LOL!! :lol:

On topic – Condoms, overnight bags, hey just handle your business like a responsible adult. I’ve never felt the need to carry them around with me in my purse. When single, I had some in the nightstand that my boyfriend left there. The first time always happened either at the guys place or mine. I only had one situation where me & a new guy were about to get busy at my house and, since all remnants of ex boyfriend were gone, he had to leave mid-busy and hit CVS down the street. Oh well, that’s life.

As for have “emergency” supplies, I always have had a gym bag in the trunk with a pack of undies, deodorant, lotion, toothbrush, etc. That was not only for unplanned overnights with boyfriends, but I might find myself out with the girls or over a relative’s place late and not want to drive home late or drunk or both. Or get stranded in bad weather. Now that I’m married, still have the bag!

I keep a stash of incidentals at work too.

Folks kill me, especially men, judging.

Bluzgirl

March 20th, 2013
10:29 am

10 years ago, I went out with a ho bag! LOL! There were nights that I was on a mission and wanted to be prepared. It was at least with men that I knew…

Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)

March 20th, 2013
10:31 am

Like I said, for me it’s easy breezy and it’s what I’ve practiced since becoming active in my early twenties. No such thing as caught in a bind or fix. I already know ain’t nothing happening without one….ever And that stands until we’re fully engulfed in relationshipdom, living together, or something of the sort, etc etc etc. We have to be more than “booed” to start foregoing that.

disco – Only once have I been in a “situation” where there was no condom present. No condom, no love…lol…and I’m dead serious. That was Silky. We had already been vibing and everything super cool between us…don’t go there and don’t try it. I ain’t digging chancing babies or anything else unwanted. I had already put it out there during our “getting to know one another” phase what was up.

See, that’s why you need to get to know someone before you just jump in. I believe in making things crystal clear. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are times of spontaneity, but if you “know me”, you know now matter how caught up in the moment, if you want it to play all the way we better be prepared. If not, it’ coming to a screeching halt. For the most part, I believe in having heart to hearts over coffee or seafood or on the couch while I cook for you, etc etc etc….and reaaaallly, getting an understanding, learning as much as you can presex and vice versa. Do I do a run down checklist? No, not at all. But during the course of “talking” and vibing and meshing, Imma be as crystal as I can as to deal breakers, what ain’t happening and what’s good so forth and so on. And that’s the opportunity, stage, platform for him to do the same. That way we’re on the same page and it’s alll good when it’s time. Everybody knows what’s up. That’s how I do it.

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

March 20th, 2013
10:31 am

What is the connection between candy and condoms?

It just kind of happened like that…I had the basket with candy in it for myself and one day some folks were giving away condoms downtown so I got quite a few as there was more than one person handing them out. So when I got home I just threw them in the basket with the candy and had an A-HA moment…cause it looked so cute. So I kept it like that until I moved.

I don’t have the basket anymore but I still keep my own stash of “Gold Boys”…

disco

March 20th, 2013
10:33 am

kimmie – grown or not, I don’t think you ever really get past “the look”, the “averted look” and the “mmm hmmm” that comes with buying condoms. lol. especially if that’s all you are buying and it’s after midnight. guess they are easier to purchase in the middle of the afternoon when blended in with a bunch of other stuff. elbow macaroni, bleach, lettuce, condoms, cereal. lol.

Mike P

March 20th, 2013
10:33 am

I just think women generally place way too much emphasis on what everyone else thinks about her when it would be much simpler to focus on the opinion of Mr. Right.

Morning

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 20th, 2013
10:35 am

MissMoni,

Superman Huh???? I have never played that one, But I guess I would be game..( Minus the speeding bullet part LOLOLOLO)

MsAtl, I have seen “The Suits”…I know what y’all are doing when there is a late night deposition…. :)

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

March 20th, 2013
10:35 am

Folks kill me, especially men, judging.

True…

Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)

March 20th, 2013
10:36 am

And with the kid’s dad…we NEVER used condoms. Not even the first time :shock: Risky as heck wasn’t it? We humped for 2.5 years before I got pregnant. After that I sort of went the other way with never having sex without a condom.

disco

March 20th, 2013
10:38 am

mike p – I don’t think it’s so much that we care what folks think in this situation. I think it’s more that certain busybodies ain’t got nothing else going on and spend too much time thinking about us and what we be doing. they are the ones that need to get some business.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 20th, 2013
10:39 am

“elbow macaroni, bleach, lettuce, condoms, cereal”

Helllava shopping list you got there…..

all you are missing is cheese and toe nail polish….

kimmie

March 20th, 2013
10:41 am

Oh, and I MUST carry a couple pairs of shoes in that car trunk – some flats for when I can’t take those heels anymore and need to run to the grocery store, some sneaks, and some flip-flops for those impromptu pedicures in the summer! Oh, and a hoodie or sweater.

Be prepared!

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

March 20th, 2013
10:42 am

grown or not, I don’t think you ever really get past “the look”, the “averted look” and the “mmm hmmm” that comes with buying condoms. lol. especially if that’s all you are buying and it’s after midnight.

Man the stories I could tell…ain’t no shame in my game. I ever so politely sashay on up to the counter and when the cashier asks,”May I help you”, I look them directly in the eyes and very crisp n clearly say, “Yes, I’d like a pack of Magnums please”…and I’m so straight faced with it the cashier gets uncomfortable…that ALWAYS makes me laugh. Sometimes if there’s a guy in front of me buying some the ladies and I would look at him like heeeey as he’s leaving….then we give each other that knowing look and laugh.

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

March 20th, 2013
10:43 am

disco..cosign on that 10:38…

disco

March 20th, 2013
10:44 am

court – you silly. I’m just saying for some it’s easier to try to sneak those condoms in as opposed to buying condoms only. you know buying condoms only screams you are about to get some RIGHT NOW. lol.

kimmie

March 20th, 2013
10:47 am

I just think women generally place way too much emphasis on what everyone else thinks about her when it would be much simpler to focus on the opinion of Mr. Right.

Mike P – The problem is, women have always been judged more harshly about everything, thus the topic. It shouldn’t even be a discussion about women carrying condoms, but here we are. Men come prepared and they are being a reponsible gentleman, we’re ho’s. It would be nice to only worry about what your Mr Right thinks, but then Mr Right might be listening to what everyone else is saying about you. So yeah, you gotta consider what everyone else is saying and what may be getting back to Mr Right.

Or you can be like a lot of us, like me, and just don’t give a ………..

Bluzgirl

March 20th, 2013
10:50 am

Maybe I should start carrying a Magnum in my purse and when men come up to me, I tell them that they must be able to wear this size snuggly to even have a shot with me! ;-)

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

March 20th, 2013
10:51 am

Nice post kimmie…

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

March 20th, 2013
10:55 am

I tell them that they must be able to wear this size snuggly to even have a shot with me!

Okay?!

Chile that’s a whole other conversation…

as SassaFrass fondly recalls the first time she encountered one… Hercules,Hercules, Herculeeeees