Dating: What is your type?
When it comes to attraction in dating, is it about “I like what I like” or is there something else involved? I ask because I wonder how we figure out what our type is and how do we know who is not our type? Is it after trial and error, dating different people and trying them on to see how they “fit”?
What is the appeal of those you feel are your type? When you get past looks, how do you decide who is compatible to you and your personality?
When one of my guy friends broke up with his long-term girlfriend, he went through his video vixen phase. Suddenly his type became women who were “light” on personality, but heavy on booty, body, and brass. His ex was nothing like this, so he clearly wanted a change in type to help get over her. I am waiting to see if he returns to what he is most comfortable with or if his future Miss Right will be the vixen type. Not really judging, just wondering, what do guys like about the type of women they pursue?
How do we figure out what our type is and when do we definitely know who is not our type?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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215 comments Add your comment
Hazel
March 19th, 2013
10:34 am
@ Kimmie – my point exactly. She always wants to know how much someone makes, and financial info on other men. I think she will leave him if someone with more money came along
Hazel
March 19th, 2013
10:36 am
And thats why she is not allowed in my home. Women like her need to be beaten up… lol
kimmie
March 19th, 2013
10:36 am
Bluz – A guy like my next-door neighbor would be ideal for you. He works in sales & marketing for a big company, but has a jazz band on the side where he plays sax. They play alot of gigs all over town, at nice resteraunts and clubs. His wife works in real estate, but she also sings sometimes with the band and at her church. They have the cutest daughter that is talented as well.
So he’s able to pursue his musical interests, but provide for his family too. That’s the kind of guy you would do well with.
disco
March 19th, 2013
10:38 am
court – if you can believe it, you can achieve it. lol.
hazel – why she need to be beat up? at least she seems real with hers. I, for one, can respect that. sounds like there’s no shame in her game.
Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)
March 19th, 2013
10:39 am
Hazel – I’m pretty proud of him. He struggled for a long time. And really I didn’t know. When he and I first became friends I thought everything was just dandy. Then one day, he just started talking and broke down and told it all. I was just so blown away at his admission. But yep, it was a situation where I agree, he grew to love her. Not to mention, he realized she was a true gem. Sweet sweet girl, smart as a whip and just so cool to be around.
On the money being gone and whatcha gonna do then, I can’t say I’ve sat and wondered, cause it ain’t deep…lol…but with her being the smart one and having the brains and being business savvy, she’s made some pretty smart decisions that put them ahead.
Hazel
March 19th, 2013
10:40 am
@disco – her husband doesnt know the truth and she doesnt inquire about others finances in front of him. Not to share the fact that she tells me that he is wack in bed. I dont really speak to her or hangout with her after I found out how she is.
Bluzgirl
March 19th, 2013
10:41 am
kimmie – Exactly!!!! I think I do need someone who is as passionate about music as I am, whether they play or not. I think I’ve said this before, but my therapist once told me that he thinks I’d be bored with just a business guy. I think he’s right. Even though I’m just now learning to play an instrument, music has been my passion for a long time.
Hazel
March 19th, 2013
10:43 am
@ Celisea – well i hope it works out all the way for your friend and he finds love somewhere in that relationship.
@ disco – if she loved him, she wouldn’t be saying things of this nature. But if he likes it, then i don’t have a choice but to love it
disco
March 19th, 2013
10:43 am
hazel – I’m still stuck on why she needs to be beat up. lol. hubs may not know she’s shopping around but I’m sure he knows she’s not into him like all that. he could be that dense or that in love or in that much denial but I doubt it.
Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)
March 19th, 2013
10:47 am
disco – I think back then yeah, he probably did the woulda coulda shoulda, but like someone said, he just grew to love her. During that time, I know he struggled cause the chick from NY would call him and he would call me…lol His struggle was always doing the right thing versus doing what he wanted. From what I’ve witnessed during being cool with each other is that he came to accept the marriage…period. They now have two sons and have built a life together. Just from knowing him, I think it got better when he stopped looking back.
kimmie
March 19th, 2013
10:47 am
Bluz – I understand that. Music is ONE of my passions as well. I studied piano for 10 years until I graduated high school. We got a keyboard last year and I am getting back into it and when I get my skills back, I am teaching the kids the basics. Hubs does not play anything or sing, but he has an appreciation for music and we love concerts.
It is important, I think, to find someone you share an interest with.
Leggs
March 19th, 2013
10:47 am
Women like her need to be beaten up… lol – Sounds like you’re calling on Slap-A-Ho, Cut-A-Beyotch, or Choke-A-Joker Tribes. Take your pick, because they all get the job done!
Hazel ~ I realize men can be dense at times, bet he knows something or he too is doing something on the side and could give a rat’s tail what she’s doing. When relationships rests solely on the money, and there’s lots of money, many turn a blind eye!
I know a guy who’s married to a wealthy woman. He can’t stand her! Didn’t like her too much when he married her and now he’s stuck in hell because he’s a weak arse punk and won’t leave due to the abundance of money. He picked his hell, now he has to sweat it out! Just stupid….
Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)
March 19th, 2013
10:48 am
Hazel – See my 10:47
kimmie
March 19th, 2013
10:50 am
Cel – That NY chick may be the love of his life, but sounds like she’s trouble. Sounds like she’s not respecting his marriage. If he let go of all he has to be with her, he would live to REGRET it. I bet he sees that now.
Hazel
March 19th, 2013
10:52 am
@ Disco – ok fine.. I will let karma do that.
@ Leggs – I hope he knows.. I just get all worked up as I think that he could have had a good woman but he choose her instead.
MissMoni
March 19th, 2013
10:53 am
-disco I agree, Hubby knows, he’s just playing along.
disco
March 19th, 2013
10:54 am
okay. well here’s the spin. ladies, hypothetically you are married and discover that your husband considers someone else to be the love of his life (not a former love of his life but THE love of his life). how do you handle? do you accept it and stay in the marriage or do you end it and tell him to go be with the love of his life?
MissMoni
March 19th, 2013
10:54 am
-Hazel He choose exactly WHO & WHAT he wanted. I have a very low sympathy rate for people who make choices to be with someone for all the wrong reasons. They made their bed, now lay in it.
Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)
March 19th, 2013
10:55 am
Kimmie – They’re done now. They’ve been married about 13 years now. That was about 3 or 4 years into their marriage. Trust me, I told him. I didn’t hold nothing back and THAT’S why we’re good friends to this day. I didn’t spare my tongue. I think “true” friends can get it said. If y’all part ways over someone telling you about yourself, then you were never friends to start with. He didn’t like it at first and said I was blah blah blah, so I stuck it to him. I didn’t preach at him but I dang shole had the choice to be cool with a brother on the up and up. Seriously, he ALWAYS called with his struggles. What I can apprecaite is that he was honest about them. Or at least felt he could confide enough in me to tell me and trust me enough to provide it straight with no chaser, no motives, nothing. Keeping it real.
disco
March 19th, 2013
10:56 am
hazel – I’m all for doling out some beat downs I just couldn’t grasp your justification. I would have let you have it with a simple “I just don’t like her”. lol.
Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )
March 19th, 2013
10:56 am
“he’s stuck in hell because he’s a weak arse punk and won’t leave due to the abundance of money. ”
Well damn…. I guess that beats the hell out of being the homeless musician Bluzgirl was talking about…..
Leggs
March 19th, 2013
10:56 am
disco ~ you accept it. A bitter pill to swallow to know you aren’t the love of his life. But, his love got away for a reason. If he’s pining over her and neglecting the homestead then he must go and find her. By him doing so believing the grass is greener on the other side, he has forfeited all that we have and when it’s time for him to come crawling back, I’ll stomp on him like the worm he turned out to be. Plain and simple.
Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)
March 19th, 2013
10:57 am
disco – He might have struggled but he wasn’t crazy. He NEVER told his wife that….
MissMoni
March 19th, 2013
10:57 am
-disco I only plan on getting married ONCE in my lifetime. . . I’m staying. We will go to counseling and lay the cards out on the table and relax, relate & release, but I’m staying.
MissMoni
March 19th, 2013
10:57 am
-Celisea EXACTLY, because she would have cut the FOOL whether she stayed or not!!!
Hazel
March 19th, 2013
10:59 am
@ C – I am happy for him..your last sentence was ON POINT
@Disco – I cant stand her, dont like her and she gets on my dam* nerves : )
@MissMoni- lol.. he is laying in it alright
Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)
March 19th, 2013
11:01 am
MissMoni – You get it…lol Just like when I said the other day I have dudes in my circle that I’m super cool with…THIS is what I’m talking about. Not folks hooking up, getting down, waiting on opportunities. Please we’re grown and moving forward in life. We lean on each other and interact with no bias. You ask (including me)? You get told the truth. And we all still love each other in the end.
Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)
March 19th, 2013
11:02 am
Hazel – Me too, it’s really refreshing to see a brother transition and change the error of his ways.
And thanks for saying my statement was on point
disco
March 19th, 2013
11:03 am
C – I didn’t think he did. just thought I’d flip the script and throw that one back out there. are there any men here? it would be interesting to see how the male ego would handle it. would they say “it doesn’t matter, I’ve got her” or would they be all worried about what dude has that he doesn’t. lol.
hazel – do you not like her because you dislike how she treats her husband or do you have another reason for not liking her?
Bluzgirl
March 19th, 2013
11:06 am
disco – I don’t think I would handle it too well if I found out my husband had a different love of his life. I want my husband to only want me and I don’t think that’s too much to ask. To find out he’s pining for another woman would be too much to deal with. I dealt with that to an extent with the Ex. He wouldn’t admit that he was pining after one or two past loves, but I always felt that he was…
kimmie
March 19th, 2013
11:11 am
disco – A lot of factors would need to be considered. Just HOW did I find that information out, because I really should not have. I can’t stand sloppy men.
If he’s not neglecting home or tipping out to see her or letting it come between us, I would leave it alone. I am confident enough in myself to know I might not be THE love of his life, that I might never be, but as long as I am A love of his life and treated as such, I can deal. I bet a large percentage of people never marry THE love for whatever reason. That’s life. I would drive myself crazy worrying over such.
Leggs
March 19th, 2013
11:13 am
Exactly my point, kimmie!!!
kimmie
March 19th, 2013
11:15 am
I think there are some people that never get over or stop loving someone. That does not mean they can’t love someone else or be happy with anyone else.
Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )
March 19th, 2013
11:15 am
“it would be interesting to see how the male ego would handle it. would they say “it doesn’t matter, I’ve got her” or would they be all worried about what dude has that he doesn’t. lol.”
There is no way in hell I could stand by and look her in the face everyday after finding out that she believes some other dude is the love of her life….. I would be mad as hell and tempted to cut the fool, but ultimately, I would have to see if she had a “frenemy” that was just blind enough to be the pawn that would help me CRUSH her……..
Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)
March 19th, 2013
11:16 am
Exactly Kimmie. I would even go one further and say it’s those sappy falling head over heals, can’t rub enough, get get enough (of each other) that fizzles out reaaaal soon. Not saying folks can’t step into the dang thing all “something” about one another, but time and the test of time is where the proof lies. Hot and heavy in the bed? Heck anybody can do that. Staying and keeping that thing lit…
Heeey boo
I always try to move and eaaaase into relationships. Don’t get me wrong, nothing wrong with passion and stuff knocking y’all over, but for me I like to ease in and build from there.
Durty Burd ( We have all made mistakes)
March 19th, 2013
11:18 am
Good Morning!
It seems we are a little to harsh about dude and his money grubbing wife. Quite a few people talk differently and act differently when they are not around their spouses.
Hazel….You are right she needs to be slapped..
So MissMoni u have never been married eh…ummmmmm!
BluzGirl….One word for you….Diversify….
I am older than 30 yrs old and have responsiblity I will still pursuemy rap career and open up that Durty Burd clothing line….Now who want to purchase a DB tee-shirt? :Wink:
My type of women is MissMoni, MsAtl, Kimmie, Celisea (kinda crazy),Leggs, BluzGirl, Lee and Disco. Did I miss anyone?
MsAtl
March 19th, 2013
11:19 am
Disco- I would have to look at the totality of the circumstances. If he merely acknowledged it, but still concentrated on our marriage (and we had a good marriage), then I would just accept it and stay in the marriage. However, if he sat around pining away, neglected the marriage, and acted like he wanted to be with her, then he would have to go, knowing that he could not try to come back if it did not work out. I would not sit around waiting.
kimmie
March 19th, 2013
11:23 am
That’s the kind of stuff you keep to yourself, I think. Unless you really are going to do something about it, move on with life. 9 times out of 10 it’s a fantasy you have conjured up in your head about the person anyway. If it were meant to be, yall would be together. You can’t, so K.I.M.
SlimNu
March 19th, 2013
11:35 am
Did I miss anyone?
Durty – Yeah, me
Hazel
March 19th, 2013
11:39 am
@disco – i dont like her because she is a taker, user and selfish. and she brought a kid in the marriage that her husband treats very well. And she still talks bad about him. I have enough reasons to not like her. u feel me?
Even Durty Burd said agreed with me
Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)
March 19th, 2013
11:40 am
O/T: Did Joy Behar leave The View already? This Terry dude is cohosting. He ain’t my type but he shole is fine…lol
I can’t do The View too much. Too many folks talking at one time
Carrie
March 19th, 2013
11:44 am
I don’t think anyone really has a type. Your friend may have gotten bored in that long-term relationship and went to the extreme opposite looking for more excitement.
We all have an idea of what we will be attracted to but as we get to know people it changes. Once he gets to know this new girl who is “light” on personality, he may begin to appreciate the qualities of his ex more.
Sometimes people break up because the relationship becomes boring, but that is not necessarily their partner’s fault. It is the duty of the couple to keep the relationship fresh and fun.
Carrie
Eight at Eight Dinner Club
888-897-8285
http://www.8at8.com
Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)
March 19th, 2013
11:45 am
Hazel – I see your stance. I think it’s just wrong wrong wrong to use people. I think if you’re gonna be there for anything other than love and building a life together, at least have the decency to play nice. At least until you’re settled in. That might be a wrong statement, but it’s better than misusing and mistreating and abusing folks. I see nothing wrong with being sweet to the kids, but she would get a job or get cut off. She would provide to the household. Sometimes you gotta handout lessons and really there’s more than one way to skin a cat.
abc
March 19th, 2013
11:46 am
In my experience, a couple where both are musicians will seldom, if ever, work out.
disco
March 19th, 2013
11:48 am
hazel – I was just trying to understand your animosity towards the woman. it was almost starting to sound like you (or someone you know)wanted her man and didn’t like her because she had him. lol.
court – not that you said you would start plotting on how to take her out. lol. you off.
Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )
March 19th, 2013
12:04 pm
disco, I would not want to take her out, but Almost every woman I know seems that have the one chick that is just outside her circle… they are cool, but still not really friends…. I would holla at her, get her back to the spot and bounce the mattress off the bed…Right around the time she is supposed to get home…
disco
March 19th, 2013
12:11 pm
court – bring her down, take her out. same same. it all translates to you can’t cope. lol.
Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )
March 19th, 2013
12:16 pm
disco…I am a wuss right……
Sexy Tool
March 19th, 2013
12:19 pm
What does ’shole’ mean? I’m not familiar with the term.
disco
March 19th, 2013
12:21 pm
court – I don’t know that wuss is the right term.