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Why do guys dump nice girls?

A young lady emailed me about her last break up.  After dumping her, he started dating someone rather opposite to who she was.  She ended her email with the question: Why do guys dump nice girls?

I wish I had a helpful answer to this question: Why do the nice guys/girls get overlooked.   After covering dating and relationships for so long, I can only tell you that the right ones don’t.  In other words, people go through a period of their dating career being attracted to the types who are flashy, noisy, or edgy.

I believe a lot of us outgrow this and eventually discover that the heart breakers are to there to be lessons, not lifelong mates.  Still, we are like moths to a flame when it comes to what gets our attention, aren’t we?

When do you think we stop chasing the forbidden fruit?  Does anyone want to weigh in on the young lady’s question, Why do guys dump nice girls?  Should the nice girls/guys be thankful they were spared?

Have you ever dumped the nice girl/guy?  Do you regret it or do you think the timing was just bad?  Should we try to find those nice folks from our past and show the we are ready for the nice, more appropriate relationship?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

162 comments Add your comment

Bluzgirl

March 18th, 2013
2:20 pm

disco – Did you enjoy the movie?

I just think St. Patty’s Day is fun. I have just a teeny tiny bit of Irish blood in my family, but I think it’s enough to justify celebrating! LOL! I was actually out Sat night drinking with friends on the one year anniversary of the passing of my ex/close friend. We had a good time and he would have wanted that…

kimmie

March 18th, 2013
2:22 pm

Disco – Yeah, some folks just asking to get SNAPPED on!LOL!!!

kimmie

March 18th, 2013
2:22 pm

Enter your comments here

MsAtl

March 18th, 2013
2:24 pm

Durty- So you just want all the dirt, huh? Yes, I knuckled up on the ex, lol. The skimpy version is that he called me “crazy” for accusing him of something he actually was doing.

Ike Turner

March 18th, 2013
2:25 pm

Acting crazy, with the wrong person, will get you popped in the mouth.

disco

March 18th, 2013
2:25 pm

bluz – re parker. it was good. he was kicking much behind in that movie. I’m not a j-lo fan but I didn’t hate her role in the movie.

Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)

March 18th, 2013
2:32 pm

All this about provoking crazy – I just call that retaliation.

Semantics I tell ya! Retaliation, bonkers, bananas, cra-cra, whatevs….lol Imma try to dish up the healthiest portion I can if brought out….lololol JUST FUNNING!!!

Y’all have yaselves a fantabulous rest of the day :mrgreen:

Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)

March 18th, 2013
2:33 pm

Acting crazy, with the wrong person, will get you popped in the mouth.

And make you change monikers….lololol

Later! :mrgreen:

Leggs

March 18th, 2013
2:35 pm

I moved to GA on St. Paddy’s day!

SlimNu ~ it was great spending time with her. Sat in the big chair with her and caught up on some of the shows she programmed on the DVR. I had to sit through 3 episodes of Vampire Diaries…the pains we go through for our chirren (lol). She’s visiting a gf at her school in Alabama this week. I know there’s a couple of parties thrown in there (I’m no fool) BUT, it’s better than going to the “City of Debauchery” (Panama City) and, it’s less expensive (lol).

disco

March 18th, 2013
2:40 pm

leggs – when my niece was visiting I sat through some kid movies that I wouldn’t have watched otherwise. in particular diary of a wimpy kid and brave. both were actually okay. she wanted to see twilight but there ain’t no way I was sitting through that garbage. I don’t think I would have been able to sit through something on tv though. I’d have been reading a book or something.

Leggs

March 18th, 2013
2:41 pm

kimmie ~ with my last name being what it is I’m often asked if I’m Irish. Perhaps, even a little German. No telling what Massa was back then sampling the wenches on his property.

Reio

March 18th, 2013
2:49 pm

Just got back from lunch. Those new Doritos shell tacos at Taco Bell ain’t SHEET! Just sayin. Here’s another CRAZY woman I dumped years ago. Started out quite casual. Weeks between dates, casually seeing others as well. We were both good with that. One day I go over to her place, her mom is there. After the introduction, Mom say’s “I’ve been looking forward to meeting my future son in law”, “Your future what?”, ” Son in law”, “Who me?” “Yes, Greta told me about it.”, “About what?” ,”About you and her.”, “What about me and her?” “Your wedding” ,”What wedding”….Turns out that Greta had lied to her mother about us. I decide to play along and waited for mom to leave. She eventually did and we discussed this foolishness. Greta said that her mother had been hounding her about settleing down, and she figured that if our relationship didn’t work out, that she would tell her mother that she broke it off. Dropped her that day, never talked to her again. No cells then, so my answering machine was full for weeks with her apologies and desire to get back together. Wanted me to go with her to tell her mother the truth. I didn’t do that either. Goodness gracious.

SlimNu

March 18th, 2013
2:53 pm

disco – In my years of dating, I have never gone out with a dude that ordered just a salad lolol But your dinner shole sounds good though. I had some ribs Friday I think.

Leggs

March 18th, 2013
2:53 pm

disco ~ I was drugged to Twilight. She insisted I read the books first, but I had to put my foot down saying I’m not going to do both!!

Leggs

March 18th, 2013
2:55 pm

Those new Doritos shell tacos at Taco Bell ain’t SHEET! – I was curious. Lil Leggs bought one and meant the same thing you just said, except she said it differently (lol).

Leggs

March 18th, 2013
2:56 pm

She wanted you to go with her and tell her mother…

People never cease to amaze me (lolololol)

disco

March 18th, 2013
2:56 pm

slim – this guy orders salads all the time. I used to tease him about it but now I’m just used to it. I also used to clown him for ordering wine. I was like can you order liquor or at least a beer. oh well. guess it takes all kinds.

SlimNu

March 18th, 2013
3:02 pm

Leggs – Well that was nice that yall got some ‘Big Chair” time in before she headed off to some Bama fun ;-)

Reio – What kind of gold do you have in your pants? :shock: It has GOT to be something

Reio

March 18th, 2013
3:05 pm

SlimNu – Solid Gold. I suppose. Greta was sweet and kind, but that episode stopped me cold. Sorry, no can do.

disco

March 18th, 2013
3:05 pm

slim – I don’t think reio is making them crazy. I think he is seeking out crazy. maybe it’s some kind of ego boost to have chicks acting a fool. you know, females do it too. “girl I put it on him so good he was standing in the front yard singing you are my lady in the middle of the night”. lol. reio be talking about “dog, she was sweating me so hard man that she had her cousin break into my house”. lol.

SlimNu

March 18th, 2013
3:06 pm

disco – I loooove salad and the beau always jokes that I probably poop gardens when i take a dump. LOL I know TMI….

Leggs

March 18th, 2013
3:06 pm

Yes indeed, SlimNu. That “Big Chair” time warms my heart.

Reio

March 18th, 2013
3:10 pm

disco – All this is just in reponse to the question of dumping nice girls. I’m no better than the average fella, in my opinion. I do, however, take pride in myself and how I treat others, especially women, that I’m dating. Or was dating, I’m married now.

Leggs

March 18th, 2013
3:11 pm

As much stuff as we talk about on here, it always sounds strange to my ears when a woman says “dump.” It’s such a masculine sounding word (lolol).

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March 18th, 2013
3:11 pm

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SlimNu

March 18th, 2013
3:14 pm

disco – They have said several times on this very blog that what we get is what we put out…so you’re right, he has to be giving off some sort of crazy vibes or at least using ‘crazy bait’.

SlimNu

March 18th, 2013
3:18 pm

Leggs – LOL, well when it comes to matters of the bathroom, I really think it’s hard to be considered ‘lady like’ or feminine no matter how you put it. lol If my 4yr old niece can smell like a grown azz man, then I must believe mine does too. :lol:

Reio

March 18th, 2013
3:18 pm

SlimNU, disco – All I did in every instance was treat them with respect. I also respected myself. I never changed. I eventually met my future and current wife by being myself. She didn’t display CRAZY. Why didn’t she?

SlimNu

March 18th, 2013
3:19 pm

That post reminds me of watching an awards show and the actor slips in a quick plug for their next project. lol

disco

March 18th, 2013
3:20 pm

slim / leggs – see how much attention I pay. I thought leggs was talking about dump as in break up with someone because they were nice or because they were crazy.

slim – no you didn’t just put your niece on blast. lol.

Reio

March 18th, 2013
3:21 pm

SlimNu, Leggs – I’m probably the only one on here whose doesn’t stink. Doctors can’t explain it, and I can’t either. hehehe.

disco

March 18th, 2013
3:23 pm

reio – maybe she used it all up before she met you. maybe her crazy is in remission. maybe she’s saving it up for a rainy day. who knows? don’t sleep on crazy. it’s always lurking. lol.

slim – remember (or did you ever see) the soul food episode where terri was trying to keep damon out of her bedroom because she had used the bathroom and didn’t want him to smell it? that was too funny.

SlimNu

March 18th, 2013
3:23 pm

Reio – As far as your wife goes, what was it about her that did it for you, besides not ’showing crazy’??

Robert

March 18th, 2013
3:29 pm

@disco – “I think the problem with “crazy sides” coming to surface”

Over the years I have seen a lot of “crazy” women. I know women who will cry and throw an “emotional fit” crazy. I always give-in to these type of crazy women. I hate to see them cry. I know women who will threaten your “life and property” crazy. I always leave before they do because I do not want them coming back to take their revenge (baseball bat, knife, gun, etc.) . I know women who are quiet and use the “silent treatment” crazy. I would never go to sleep around the “quiet” crazy women either. I have an Aunt who is the “silent treatment” crazy type and she would always tell my Uncle she was going to throw hot grits on him when he went to sleep and I believed her. Crazy is what Crazy does.

SlimNu

March 18th, 2013
3:30 pm

no you didn’t just put your niece on blast

disco – It’s a dog eat dog world out there, especially when it comes to trying to make a point lol I didn’t see that episode but that’s one part of dating that I do not look forward to. The whole song and dance of if you need to really do a #2 but you’re with a new guy. (vice versa i’m sure) I just can’t forget when my cousin went to visit a guy in a different state. She said she doesn’t know if it was something she ate but she REALLY had the stomach knots. Anyhoo, she can’t hold back any longer, goes to relieve herself and the damn toilet starts to overflow and he had to come fix it. Talk about EMBARASSING!! :oops: She had actually called me from the bathroom before she got up the nerve to tell him what happened. :lol:

Reio

March 18th, 2013
3:32 pm

SlimNu – First her intelligence. If you are smart, I get hooked easily. Secondly, she was/is very open and honest. Say’s what’s on her mind. Damn the consequences. Loved that. I saw that she would rather let me me see her as she really is, rather than put on a show to impress me. Loved that as well. And she hid and continues to hide CRAZY. So, there you go. That’s it.

disco

March 18th, 2013
3:35 pm

robert – yep there’s all sorts of crazy and I for one respect the crazy. why indulge a crying woman? later for her. let her cry until her eyes swell and her head hurts but don’t give in.

slim – your cousin’s scenario played out on an episode of girlfriends. joan was waking up early and leaving aaron’s house so she could number 2. when she finally did go at his house the toilet overflowed. hilarious until it happens to you. lol.

reio – or maybe you have become desensitized to crazy. maybe you just don’t even see it anymore. lol. (now you know I’m playing with you right? it’s all good, clean fun).

Leggs

March 18th, 2013
3:35 pm

SlimNu ~ I remember when this guy came out the bathroom and told me he “changed the color of the bowl.” I cracked up and then frowned.

Bluzgirl

March 18th, 2013
3:36 pm

Too funny how the convo turned from dumping people to taking a dump! LOLOLOLOL!

I used to have a really hard time using public restrooms and when travelling with other people, my body would shut down and I would go #2 until I got back home. I think since I’ve been put on anti-anxiety meds, I just don’t care anymore!!!

Leggs

March 18th, 2013
3:40 pm

Good one, Bluz, from dumping people to taking one (lol)

Reio

March 18th, 2013
3:42 pm

I know CRAZY when I see it. I won’t bother to tell anymore CRAZY stories(there are more), but I used to be as polite and repectful as I knew how. Maybe that’s what brought the CRAZY out.
Don’t know. Most were dumped for reasons other than CRAZY. They weren’t all CRAZY. Thank Goodness!

Bluzgirl

March 18th, 2013
3:44 pm

I have absolutely not problem admitting that I can be crazy, but it really has to be provoked. I don’t just go crazy over nothing. When the Ex called me crazy, I looked at him side eyed and said “you really wanna see crazy? Cause I’ll show you crazy…this ain’t nothing”! He took a step back cause he knew he had done something wrong. LOL

Reio

March 18th, 2013
3:46 pm

Bluzgirl – You sound like you “Ain’t to be messed with!”

Single and Happy

March 18th, 2013
3:46 pm

Wow you guys are crazy funny (LOL)

I’m fortunate, I’ve only dated one really crazy woman :-) that was enough for me (LOL)

Bluzgirl

March 18th, 2013
3:48 pm

Reio – That’s right! But…again…I have to be really provoked. The Ex was ALWAYS pushing my buttons at the wrong time. I just know that I’m going to meet a man who doesn’t bring out the crazy in me…

Single and Happy

March 18th, 2013
3:49 pm

Bluz was looking at “Why did I get married too” yesterday (LOL)

SlimNu

March 18th, 2013
3:51 pm

disco – I miss that show but after a while, it just seemed as if they ran out of storylines. Those were the days when I looked forward to tv sitcoms. Nowaday’s it’s basically just reality tv…I can’t keep up with how many different reality shows they have coming out this next season. I know I have my few shows I’m into but I just don’t think every stereotype, every celeb wives/girlfriends/churchmoms/bball groupies etc needs a show :roll:

disco

March 18th, 2013
3:52 pm

bluz – that made me laugh. I can just hear you saying “I got your crazy”. lol.

I own my crazy. I don’t hide it but I don’t generally put it out on front street either. I do, however, let it be known that I’m crazy and I come from a long line of crazy. I for one don’t feed into that “every woman is crazy” game that men be trying to run. act right and you don’t have to deal with crazy. act right and crazy is on your team. act wrong and you get what you get. lol.

Reio

March 18th, 2013
4:02 pm

disco – But I WAS acting right. Still saw CRAZY in several women. Go figure.

SlimNu

March 18th, 2013
4:04 pm

disco – The beau says that he believes that i’m crazy but he just hasn’t figured out what form and to what degree my crazy is yet. I asked him what have I done to make him believe i’m crazy and he said, “nothing yet but it’s just a feeling.” lol