Dating: What about your friends?
I don’t know if you were aware, but apparently the acceptable number of male friends a woman is allowed to have is 4. After that, you start to look a little to suspicious. This is according to one man, of course. A male reader wrote an email saying that his new love interest has at least 7 close guy friends. This is 3 too many!
I don’t know how this particular number was deemed the safe number of opposite sex friendships allowed, but I think it is a little nonsensical. I know everyone does not believe that men and women can be platonic friends. However, just because a woman has close male friends does not necessarily mean it is cause for concern.
When a woman has male friends, do guys who pursue her consider it a red flag? What if a man had a lot of women friends? Why do some folks become so suspicious of this?
What do you think it means when a woman has few or no close women friends? If a man has mostly women in his life who he considers his close friends, is it a good sign or a bad one?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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238 comments Add your comment
kimmie
March 14th, 2013
1:47 pm
Exiled – How do you feel about Queen having friends, female and male, outside of family?
disco
March 14th, 2013
2:11 pm
marco……
ex – family is all good but I still give a side eye to the person that doesn’t have any friends. I remember growing up we couldn’t invite outside people to our birthday parties or events. it was all cousins, all the time.
Single and Happy
March 14th, 2013
2:15 pm
polo,
Disco, for me to much family isn’t any good either, still not enough time for me.
kimmie
March 14th, 2013
2:23 pm
Just because someone is “blood” or family does not mean they can automatically be trusted or considered a friend. They do get somewhat of a pass in the beginning since you can’t choose blood like you do your friends. But once they deem themselves untrustworthy, well you know what you gotta do……..
disco
March 14th, 2013
2:24 pm
s/h – family has it’s pros and cons. still, you don’t get to choose your family and they don’t get to choose you. this is why I say no friends is a red flag. sure a person can argue they don’t want or need friends but I still find it suspect. lol.
abc
March 14th, 2013
2:24 pm
Sweetie and me are intolerant of the other having close friends of the opposite sex. Neither of us will have any of that.
disco
March 14th, 2013
2:26 pm
with all our home improvement talk this a.m. I have decided that I am going to go cruise the aisles of home depot today. I have about an hour to kill after work.
kimmie
March 14th, 2013
2:27 pm
disco – It’s suspect to me too. I don’t think it’s healthy. You don’t have even one person in this world you can call and shoot the breeze with every blue moon, nobody you can call if you get in a spot?
disco
March 14th, 2013
2:29 pm
kimmie – nobody who likes you? nobody who trusts you? nobody who (outside of your family) gives a dang about what happens to you? yep. suspect.
SlimNu
March 14th, 2013
2:32 pm
What’s up good peeps? Um…..looks like a bunch of nothing lol
Single and Happy
March 14th, 2013
2:34 pm
Disco, to much family for me is someone who always doing something with their family, all our plans have to be made around their family, too much family for me.
disco
March 14th, 2013
2:42 pm
slim – a bunch of nothing? you got that right.
s/h – I’m with you. I don’t want to be bothered with my family so why would I sign on to be bothered with someone else’s?
Leggs
March 14th, 2013
2:44 pm
Durty ~ born in The Bronx, you better be street savvy!
Exiled
March 14th, 2013
2:44 pm
Queen has female friends and All of them go waay back with her.growing up within same neighborhood and schools etc. She has had some friends as an adult but like me,a lot of them have fallen off because of similar type issues…and with u ladies,it can be even worse because of either side gossiping or not being a true friend but an ulterior motive friend..u know that type thing.
As for male friends,she had business associates or same business/career interests type male
associates. These are people she wld typically call if she has some career type questions or stuff to ask or discuss.
Beyond that,I don’t see the need for those male friends unless we are All friends as a family.
Bluzgirl
March 14th, 2013
2:44 pm
Have a good afternoon ya’ll. I’m about to head to the doctor. I’ll probably check in from the waiting room to see what ya’ll are talking about!
Leggs
March 14th, 2013
2:44 pm
Thought you guys would have said more…took a 2 hr. 15 min. lunch
kimmie
March 14th, 2013
2:46 pm
Single – Too much of anything is not healthy. There has to be balance. I don’t want family or friends up under me every second. Gotta spread all that out. But I value the place they all have in my life.
disco
March 14th, 2013
2:48 pm
ex – friends as a family puts me in mind of us having to be friends with the children of our parents’ friends when growing up. those kids were the exception to our cousin only birthday parties. lol. most of those relationships never really stuck though I am still friends today with one whose mother and my mother were friends when they were children.
leggs – (this is instigating disco talking) – what you was doing for 2 hours and 15 minutes? lol.
Exiled
March 14th, 2013
2:48 pm
Disco…I know people but I don’t wanna use the word ‘friend’ unless it is a loose definition.
I wld invite a few people to a partyy and say in their face,’friend’s’ but to be honest,they’re acquaintances.
I ummm,withdraw the tongue at calling folks ‘friend’s’ because like I said,a friend is a ride or die and a lot of these u might call friends will balk when the rubber hits the iron.
I ain’t gon call them friends then.
Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)
March 14th, 2013
2:49 pm
nobody you can call if you get in a spot?
You better have somebody, at least ONE somebody. Family will take the insurance money to bury you and get the heck on, leaving you atop ground, and having the state perform a pauper’s burial
Exiled
March 14th, 2013
2:51 pm
Disco..or when my money gets long they start just saying stuff bout me…
He boogie,he this he that…
See..
disco
March 14th, 2013
2:52 pm
C – right!! I have some family members that I am friends with and I have some family members that would make me want to cross the street, turn around, walk the other way and pretend I didn’t see them.
cba
March 14th, 2013
2:52 pm
Talked to a female friend yesterday for 3hrs 25mins……was that excessive?? LOL Talked 1hr 20min on her cell then switched to her home phone for an additional 2hr 5mins….damn!! My wife came home, went to the park, went to publix, came home and I’m still talking. Now I know why she sorta rolled her eyes at me. My friend husband was at home because she asked him a question. We go way back to jr high school and I guess we should check in more often than every couple of years.
Celisea....light, breezy and easy 2013 :)
March 14th, 2013
2:55 pm
disco – Okay!
Yeah, you can get all lovey dovey and exclude folks out of your world if you want and all in the name of love….hope you ain’t leaning on family seeing about you for burial or retirement home type issues. And I hope you ain’t relying on your boo…per se. Better get some stuff in place, “legally” and make sure stuff is ironclad so if folks do “take the money and run”, they can’t get around cashing the check
disco
March 14th, 2013
2:55 pm
ex – my friends and I call each other names all the time. if the shoe fits, then it fits. in particular one of my friends is a little close to the street. I referred to her as ghetto fabulous once and my brother chimed in that she wasn’t ghetto fabulous, she was “ghetto fantastic”. I thought that was hilarious and had to share it with her. now when she makes hood moves I call her fantastic.
Exiled
March 14th, 2013
3:01 pm
cba..I will take that friendship….it’s waaay back and deep.
Leggs
March 14th, 2013
3:05 pm
disco ~
I had a lunch date that went very well. Easy convo, lots of laughter, Had a 15 min wait and we just took our time learning about each other. Sat at table a little longer than necessary still talking. They had a gin fizz on the drink menu. I so wanted to order one, but had to come back to work. Wonder what they taste like now. Used to love slow gin fizz back in the day.
For some reason, I feel you waiting for my answer with bated breath…(lol)
disco
March 14th, 2013
3:07 pm
leggs – thanks for sharing. I was really just being funny talking about what took you so long. lunch date? mmmppph. check you out. lol. since you said learning about each other I take it this fellow is new. care to share? if not, that’s cool but you know we love “how we met” stories and all that.
I probably haven’t had a sloe gin fizz in 20 years.
Exiled
March 14th, 2013
3:09 pm
Disco..because u know each other like that..the relationship is organic.
People I was organic with like that were folks I went to high school and college with. A lot have passed or live in other foreign countries and we lost touch.
Re establishing similar type friendships as adults with new folks is hit or miss.
I ain’t got time for that.
I have one Haitian former associate.. Cool man..we vibe in some areas.
But he is very str8,a Christian!
So I ain’t going to go in with him coz I ain’t ready for Jesus like that!
Sad but It’s true. I got some derty Satanic wrinkles myself. Makes life a li spicy!
kimmie
March 14th, 2013
3:14 pm
Re establishing similar type friendships as adults with new folks is hit or miss.
Exiled – I agree.
Leggs/Disco – I have not had a sloe gin fizz in years either! Probably cause the last one I had was after work with some friends from my first real job after college. It was at the old Fitzgeralds’s bar downtown. I had ONE, got sick and had the worst hangover when I got home!!
I remember them being good though!
SlimNu
March 14th, 2013
3:18 pm
I do have a question related to the topic…how do you all feel about an SO going to visit a person of the opposite sex, say if they live in another state??? (without you of course)
kimmie
March 14th, 2013
3:21 pm
Slim – Not acceptable. Just not a good look, whatever way you try to slice it. Not respectable at all, unless maybe that person is incapacitated in the hospital.
disco
March 14th, 2013
3:24 pm
slim – now that one gets very tricky. there’s definitely going to be some variables at play. I won’t just give an automatic no because I wouldn’t accept an automatic no from someone. for instance is the trip just to see that person or was the trip about something else and that person just happened to live in the area? is this a person I’ve met and know reasonably well or some person he just all of a sudden knows but he forgot to tell me about her? lol.
cba
March 14th, 2013
3:27 pm
Yep Ex, the friendship is pretty solid. Have a handful like that, male and female.
They are the ones after you finish talking, you feel better than before the conversation.
Leggs
March 14th, 2013
3:27 pm
disco ~ yes, he’s new. Met him last Friday and we hit it off. He called me Tuesday for a lunch, dinner or meet for drinks date. I opted for lunch. He’s very nice and chivalrous. We have quite a bit in common. He did ask me out again to see Argo with him. I accepted.
kimmie
March 14th, 2013
3:28 pm
disco – You are right, there could be many variables, but as Slim originally presented it, no.
kimmie
March 14th, 2013
3:29 pm
They are the ones after you finish talking, you feel better than before the conversation.
cba – That’s the best kind!!
disco
March 14th, 2013
3:30 pm
leggs – well awww sookie sookie now.
SlimNu
March 14th, 2013
3:31 pm
disco – The trip being about they never have been to this place before…the person just moved there not too long ago….no other business in the state and has never met the significant other.
Leggs
March 14th, 2013
3:32 pm
kimmie ~ you used to go to Fitzgerald’s. I did too. Two for one drinks on Wednesdays. Those Long Island Ice Teas will have you doing the wobble for real and it’s not a pretty dance.
Loved, loved Fitzgerald’s!!!
Exiled
March 14th, 2013
3:34 pm
3:18 Hello!
@SlimNu…please?!!
kimmie
March 14th, 2013
3:39 pm
Slim – Bull ish. Not even up for discussion.
kimmie
March 14th, 2013
3:39 pm
Leggs – That place was the bomb!!
cba
March 14th, 2013
3:41 pm
Leggs~ I tried to resist typing this but you have a good sense of humor.
You are off to a good start, at least you didn’t mentioned he needed to catch a ride
disco
March 14th, 2013
3:42 pm
slim – well with the new set of circumstances I have to second kimmie. wish a ninja would. better yet, I don’t wish it because if it even came up I’d tell him to go and will have locks changed and all of his stuff moved out when he gets back. don’t play with the kid. at that point if you ask and don’t get you’ll just not ask the next time.
disco
March 14th, 2013
3:43 pm
leggs – so when is the next date? and where exactly did you meet him? humor me. I’m living vicariously through you. I’ve seen one brother in the last few days or so and that was the UPS guy.
daddy swiss
March 14th, 2013
3:49 pm
“I’ve seen one brother in the last few days or so and that was the UPS guy”
disco — That sounds like the plot to every p0rno ever made.
SlimNu
March 14th, 2013
3:50 pm
kimmie/disco – My thoughts exactly
disco
March 14th, 2013
3:54 pm
swiss – well that’s most def not where I was going. lol. my friends are always saying that they can’t believe I never meet people and I’m always explaining that my regular day to day activities do not usually include seeing any (black) men. there are none in my neighborhood (well one married man that I don’t see often), I rarely see any on my drive to work, there are none at my job. as far as I can tell there are a few in the building but I don’t always see them everyday. I go to the gym fairly regular but it’s hit or miss there as well. right now the UPS guy is all I got. lol.
Leggs
March 14th, 2013
3:54 pm
cba ~ boy stop! That was funny.
disco ~ I met him at the Mexican Restaurant. Remember I was going their for karaoke and was going to sit and have dinner with the 65 year old man. He never showed. I sat at the bar with two men on my left and a woman came in and sat to my right. The 4 of us connected and had a blast that evening. We exchanged numbers. Next date is to the movies, date not set. He said he’ll call me in a day or two knowing I’m driving to pick my child up for Spring Break and spend a little time w/her before she discards me for the rest of the week to hang with her friends.