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Ex Files: They always come back

Some of us have exes that seem to have some sort of sixth sense when it comes to us.  The moment we have moved on and let go of any idea of a reunion with them, they show up!  Why do some exes always come back?  Better question to ask: Why do we let them?

The decision to reunite with a former flame should not be taken lightly.  Although it may seem easy to forget the reason you broke up, it is worthwhile to determine if things have changed.   Part of the vicious cycle of making up and breaking up, is that we tend to gloss over the part that did not work.   This is especially easy to do when your judgment is being clouded by loneliness or really good reunited sex.

What do you do when you are seeing somebody new and your ex returns?  They appear to have changed and you have all that history with them.  At the same time, you have a great connection and chemistry with the person you are seeing.  What would you do: go for chemistry or history?

Happy Wednesday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

147 comments Add your comment

oddmanout

March 13th, 2013
7:01 am

Good Morning!!!

Chemistry!!! I am living this right now!! If you have moved on from the Ex and there is very little to no hope on revival of the old flame, keep it moving! Im gonna stop right here before things go bad.

Lee

March 13th, 2013
7:34 am

It never works out. I know experience has taught me well, but everyone needs to find out for themselves.

SlimNu

March 13th, 2013
8:11 am

If I was already dating someone else and things seemed great, why in the hell would one want to go back to history? Obviously, something was too wrong to try to stay and work it out. Plus, how do you know the ex isn’t just sniffing back around because he/she caught wind that you were trying to move on…and we know how folks are when they see someone else playing with an ‘old toy’. Matter of fact, when the ex saw a pic or found out I took the beau on a trip with the family, he started acting a bit weird. He either came across/found the original piece of paper that I wrote my number on, from YEAAARS ago (when I first gave him my phone number) and texted me a picture of it. He said he was taking all our momento’s, putting them in a box and packing them up. :shock: He was like, I knew you were dating but I didn’t think you were serious enough to take someone around your family.

SlimNu

March 13th, 2013
8:12 am

Hopefully, that post falls within the posting guidelines as far as length is concerned.

Shantelle

March 13th, 2013
8:14 am

It’s kind of like taking a drink of milk from the refrigerator, finding out it’s sour, then putting it back saying “Maybe it’ll be better tomorrow.” Isn’t it?

SlimNu

March 13th, 2013
8:32 am

Shantelle – That’s definitely a different way to look at it….Yuck though lol I’ve never seen your moniker before so welcome if you’re a newbie…if not then, simply good morning ;-)

MissMoni

March 13th, 2013
8:39 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!!

-Shantelle You hit the nail on the head!

Let the history stay exactly where it is meant to be, in the PAST! Continue to move forward with your life and remember that they are an EX for a reason.

Single and Happy

March 13th, 2013
8:41 am

Hey all,

Slim don’t start (LOL)

There’s nothing wrong with going back to an ex, if that’s what you want to do. Sometimes breakups aren’t all for bad reasons, sometimes you just may not have been on the same page at that time. But at least make sure you’re not in a relationship at the time. If you’re ex only seems to want to come back when there is someone else in the picture, then that’s more of a control issue than anything is IMO.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 13th, 2013
8:41 am

Morning ladies! :)

I know i might be wrong for this, but every chance I have ever gotten to catch up with an old flame, I have taken it as a chance to do all of the really freaky things that I respected her to much to ask for the first time around……..

Button

March 13th, 2013
8:43 am

Good morning! I agree with Shantelle.

I’m not a going back to the ex fan. It’s over for a reason best to let it stay that way, I just went through the return of the ex just recently, I shut him down with the quickness.

I’ll take chemistry over history any day. Although he may “appear” to have changed I doubt it. You can put lipstick on a pig and it’s still a pig.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 13th, 2013
8:47 am

Button, do you not think its possible for a person to change… to mature and become a better person over time?

Ms J~

March 13th, 2013
8:50 am

I don’t play the ex file and glad I have never did either. It seems it could be more unnecessary trouble/drama………Morning MIA! C where you be?!? lawd I am ready for Friday! #carryon ;)

SlimNu

March 13th, 2013
9:05 am

Single – Whadddd did I do? Not starting anything at all.

If you’re ex only seems to want to come back when there is someone else in the picture, then that’s more of a control issue than anything My point exactly!

Celisea

March 13th, 2013
9:23 am

Heeeey Lady – Just getting in with calls on the calendar popping up already. It’s gonna be THAT kind of day….lol

I agree with your stance, Lady. I don’t beleive in backtracking. Yeah, sometimes folks grow and grow up, I say let someone else enjoy the ex’s new found “I’ve changed” discovery. While you’re “fiiiinding” yourself, I’ve found someone new, that already knew who and what they were…lol And with that, we hit the ground running :mrgreen:

Celisea

March 13th, 2013
9:24 am

believe not beleive…my baaad…as soon as I’m off this call, I’m going for coffee…uggggh

Celisea

March 13th, 2013
9:27 am

O/T…May I..lol: It was announced on GMA, that a movie is in the works from the series Good Times!!

Hazel

March 13th, 2013
9:33 am

can’t relate, but rarely do ex-relations bring anything good. MissMoni, button all are on the right track.
You moved on but he/she hasn’t found anyone so trying to get you back is the only option they may have.. Don’t fall for it.

kimmie

March 13th, 2013
9:36 am

IMO, it becomes a self inflicted trap to believe you can’t move on to something or someone better.

Cel – I so agree. In fact, this is a control game some play. “You CAN’T do better than me, so you may as well take me back.” Same even with jobs. You get stuck. Successful people, in relationships and careers, don’t allow themselves to get stuck.

And yes, you will be met with criticism from some. That’s when you have to listen to your gut. Move on and do it with no regrets.

Button

March 13th, 2013
9:37 am

Courtside – I believe a person can change. I’ve changed over the years myself but that doesn’t mean that I would want an ex back into my life, my heart. Now we can be civil with each other and I’ll congratulate you on your change and all but to say come on hon let’s pick up where we left off, that’s not happening.

abc

March 13th, 2013
9:47 am

They only come back if you let them; they only come back if you want them to. So go with your gut. Don’t leave yourself wondering what if.

Ms J~

March 13th, 2013
10:00 am

C they should leave Good Times in syndication~

MissMoni

March 13th, 2013
10:04 am

-Celisea I would like to go on record and say that Good Times is one of my FAV tv shows. It will be interesting to see who they cast for this particular movie. . .

-abc I totally agree. In the end the ultimate choice is up to the individual, choose wisely!!!

Celisea

March 13th, 2013
10:08 am

Lady – LOLOL….I LOVE Good Times. I think it’s gonna be interesting

MsMoni – You and I are vibing on the Good Times thingy. I can watch those old reruns and quote the script…lol My brother says I’m (and apparently you) the only one that still watches. Yes, it would be interesting to see who’s gonna get to wear those infamous corduroys…lolol

disco

March 13th, 2013
10:14 am

good morning. single I am with you. all break ups aren’t bad. all exes aren’t the devil. lol. sometimes the timing was off or life got in the way. you grow, you mature, you experience things and life brings you back to each other. goodness knows we’ve all heard the stories of folks reuniting with the high school sweetheart or whoever after 10, 20, 30, 40 years of marriage to someone else. it is what it is. in short, I don’t think you should discount a person just because they are an ex. if you have to discount them I’m sure you can find enough other reasons.

Leggs

March 13th, 2013
10:14 am

“What do you do when you are seeing somebody new and your ex returns?” – Is this a trick question?

You continue to see the person you’re presently spending time with. Many ex’s that return only return because:

(1) their dating pool isn’t what they thought it would be
(2) they want a familiar side piece
(3) they still want to inflict emotional harm on you
(4) they want to keep their toe in the door just in case
(5) they’re down on their luck and need your assistance.

Seriously, though, there’s a host of reasons why one comes back.

Morning.

Button

March 13th, 2013
10:20 am

Leggs – I agree with all except #3.

kimmie

March 13th, 2013
10:27 am

Morning Good Blog Peeps!!

The 2 times I went back, they didn’t work out but they were not horrible. I’m not against going back if it was a situation where the timing was just off. Other than that, I see nothing wrong with discounting someone because they are an ex. Sometimes maybe it’s not that they have changed, YOU have. Maybe YOU have outgrown them or are now leading a different lifestyle that they would not fit in well with or be happy with. You are under no obligation to take someone back.

As for them coming around when they find out you’re with someone new – that’s just game. Sure you can choose to go with “history” if you want, but don’t be looking foolish when bad history repeats itself.

Sure folks can change for the better, they do it all the time. That still does not mean you are obligated to take them back. You’ve changed? Good for you! For your sake and others that have to deal with you, I sure hope so. Doesn’t have anything to do with me now, though!

Celisea

March 13th, 2013
10:28 am

Even when folks “change”, I dunno, IMO and for me time marches on. That’s significant enough that I don’t want to go back. I can congratulate and be sincerely happy for a person’s progress, but by the same token I don’t want to go back, for me it’s like hanging on.

Let’s say people change for the better, still not good enough reason to go back. If a person didn’t sieze the opportunity while it was available, you stunt yourself and stagnation sets. There are other opportunities to embark on other folks and new things and new experiences. IMO, it becomes a self inflicted trap to believe you can’t move on to something or someone better. If a person has improved and changed, I see nothing wrong with acknowledging, but again, that’s not reason enough to hit repeat. Again, just my opinion

MissMoni

March 13th, 2013
10:28 am

-Leggs Your list is quite accurate. Most times the EX thinks that the grass is greener on the other side and then finds out it was only artificial turf.

Leggs

March 13th, 2013
10:32 am

Button ~ cool, but I think #3 certainly happens. People are cruel and some will take the time to make another uncomfortable if you let them back in.

This could be an EOD, but it needs to be said before subject changes (lol):

Ex Means: Thanks for the Experience, our time has Expired, you no longer Exist now Exit my life!!!!

Gotta love itr.

kimmie

March 13th, 2013
10:40 am

This blog is acting strange. My reply to Cel’s 10:28 is showing up at 9:37, BEFORE my starting post of the day that’s showing at 10:27! I guess they are trying to get the DST right!LOL!!!

Celisea

March 13th, 2013
10:44 am

Kimmie – I agree and that’s the key “successful people.” I think also that a “moving on” mentality or “stuck” will transcend into other areas of your life.

That is weird!! Sometime ago, the blog was doing this same thing…posts showing up at different times and out of sync. That’s probably what was going on then…

Bluzgirl

March 13th, 2013
10:51 am

Good morning everyone!

After the Ex, I don’t think I will ever trust that a man can change for the better after several years. He and I weren’t technically together 10-12 years ago, but we hung out a lot and slept together a lot and I babysat his son. He had broken my heart back then. When we reunited, I really thought he had changed a lot and that he was brought back in my life because we were meant to be together. Boy, was I wrong. He changed for the better for about a year, then started sliding back down the slippery slope of being the old him. I hate to admit this, but I still have a lot of anger issues with him (and with myself) and it’s been just over a year since I kicked him out…

kimmie

March 13th, 2013
10:51 am

Leggs – I agree, alot of times it’s not that they really want you back, but are just trying to mess with you. Hubs and I were talking about this the other day.

Leggs

March 13th, 2013
10:54 am

Most definitely, kimmie.

Button

March 13th, 2013
11:00 am

Leggs – true. to me that just takes up too much energy.

disco

March 13th, 2013
11:13 am

i stick by my stance that I don’t think “ex” alone is enough reason to discount. “ex” alone in my opinion is almost significant. to me it’s just a term. a word. you date the person and the person’s characteristics. I have a few exes that I am very friendly with and the primary reason I won’t get back with them isn’t because they are exes. it’s because they, like everyone, were affected by life. in their particular cases, they had more kids. had they not had additional children in our years apart I might be willing to reconsider reconnecting. lol.

DuShawn

March 13th, 2013
11:16 am

That situation I shared about reconnecting with my Ex certainly did not end well. She’s still tryin. Just reached out to me a few days ago.

Leggs

March 13th, 2013
11:26 am

Button ~ that’s why I never really understood “stalking.” It takes too much energy to go through all of that. When it’s over, it’s over. Let your emotional wounds heal and K.I.M. Some, just can’t do that. Drama is their crutch and they go full throttle.

DuShawn

March 13th, 2013
11:27 am

“do not think “bj” constitutes having a form of sex……..” It’s not a form of sex. It’s merely a personal salutation, much like shaking hands or a hug. Bill Clinton enacted legislation that established this fact years ago. Whenever I enter the home, that’s my preferred method of greeting.

Leggs

March 13th, 2013
11:27 am

disco ~ that’s the point, it’s not the word itself, it’s the circumstances that makes one an ex.

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

March 13th, 2013
11:33 am

Ex Means: Thanks for the Experience, our time has Expired, you no longer Exist now Exit my life!!!!

Cosign…if you’re my ex then you’re that for a reason so push on my brother. I don’t back track so once I’m done, I’m done witcha. And no I don’t want to be your friend either…no hard feelings it’s just better that way…IMO

Celisea

March 13th, 2013
11:35 am

IMO, ex is a term and attached to the assumption that “ex”, implies things ended badly.” The average says “my ex.” On a scale of majority versus minority, it’s a given that the majority that states “my ex” almost never mean anything positive. If so, an explanation or statement usually follows. He was a good guy/gal, just not the right time/place/situation, etc. If the person ain’t explaining and keeping with “my ex”, we can almost go with it wasn’t a good experience.

kimmie

March 13th, 2013
11:38 am

Disco – Yeah, I don’t discount folks over a term they are called, unless it’s hyphenated by something bad like “ex-con”, “ex-stalker”, you get the drift. Again, glad you’ve changed, I just don’t want to deal with it!

Like I stated before, stuff like life circumstance or bad timing would not discount an ex. Other drama I had to deal with when dating them would though.

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

March 13th, 2013
11:40 am

ex is a term and attached to the assumption that “ex”, implies things ended badly…If the person ain’t explaining and keeping with “my ex”, we can almost go with it wasn’t a good experience.

I’ve heard ex referred to in both good and bad breakups…and it’d be correct seeing as either way they’re still an ex. I guess it just depends on the situation and people involved. To-may-to…to-mah-to..

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

March 13th, 2013
11:43 am

I don’t discount folks over a term they are called, unless it’s hyphenated by something bad like “ex-con”, “ex-stalker”,

Okay kimmie?! :lol:

Celisea

March 13th, 2013
11:45 am

I was going back to disco’s post of the term “ex” and stating the term itself is not reason enough to discount a person. I think if it’s broken down like disco states, it’s just semantics. My point is, we can toss “ex” around but it’s not the person as much as it is the experience.

DuShawn

March 13th, 2013
11:49 am

Just curious. Does one have to have been in an exclusive, committed relationship with a person for them to beome an Ex? If we just dated on and off for a year and had sex 100 times then stopped, am I considered your ex? If not, than you should have no problem with me coming back for more….right?

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

March 13th, 2013
11:51 am

Umm okay…I guess…

Leggs

March 13th, 2013
11:52 am

Anybody watch the Preacher’s Daughter that aired last night? I watched to see what these kids were doing, and I must admit the 17 year old black girl is off the chain. She’s too hot to trot. But, what I thought to be interesting is the white pastor asking his daughters about their purity rings. One admitted staying away from temptation is difficult and that she has smoked weed before, the other daughter doesn’t even know where her’s is and the 17-year old, with her baby breastfeeding, strokes her ring contemplating on what it means to wear it. Her father kept saying he hope she remains “pure.” Umm, how she gonna do that when she had sex with 2 guys and is now wondering who the baby daddy is. Her “pureness” has flown the coop…

The ex-Russian wrestler is cool. I like his 16-year old daugther trying to date for the first time. Now Mom is a different story. She keeps it real, giving her daughter’s prospective bf a questionnaire to fill out. That was funny!