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Should you complain about weight?

A few weeks ago, I received an email from a guy asking for advice.  He wanted to know if I thought it was a a good idea for him to ask his girlfriend to lose some weight.  It was beginning to become a problem for him and he said that he cared for her, but too much weight gain could be a deal breaker.

I think people usually gain a little weight when they settle into a new relationship.  I know many couples that put  on a couple of pounds right after they started dating.   You skip your work outs more.  You are dining out more.  Not to mention, you aren’t actively trying to seek out attention from other people because you are so smitten with your new boo.

Doesn’t everyone gain the “new relationship” weight in the beginning?

Would you bring up the fact that your date has been putting on a little weight? Do you think that would make you a shallow jerk who doesn’t really care about them?  Is there a good way to do it without causing a massive fight?

Have you ever dated someone and their looks started to change soon after?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta

251 comments Add your comment

Exiled

March 12th, 2013
6:19 am

Stop feeding her!

And quit the whining!

Man up!

Hey MIA!

You feed a woman,she gets fat and then you whine to outsiders about it and not confront it.

What a lame!

Lee

March 12th, 2013
6:23 am

Maybe he only liked her for her looks only.
Then again does he help by asking : hey do you want to go walking, hiking or swimming etc.. Or does he just sit there with her hoping her figure will return.

MissMoni

March 12th, 2013
6:31 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!!

LOL at Ex saying “stop feeding her”!!!

If they just started dating, then asking her to lose weight is not a good look. As Lee stated, suggest to do activities that will encourage exercise. The truth is if she’s happy with her weight then she really could care less what he thinks.

As far as new relationship weight, my thoughts on that is don’t get too comfortable until you’ve said “I do” and even then you still need to keep it sexy!!!

Bottom line if he doesn’t like her weight and it’s bothering him that much, then he needs to move on.

Single and Happy

March 12th, 2013
6:39 am

Hello all,

So I wonder did the writer of this letter do the mirror test before looking at his girlfriend? He didn’t mention anything about himself, just about her! If he was doing the things mentioned above it would just be about asking her to go with him! But if he’s not then???

LeeH1

March 12th, 2013
7:37 am

The psychological game is called “Blemish.” It allows one person to be in control over another, by being able to point out and discuss all the other person’s shortcomings. Obviously, before the guy starts talking about all the things wrong with the woman, he is in a state of glory and has no faults of his own. And of course, it is all only for the good of the woman, who really has no idea that she has so many faults.

End result? If the woman is smart and not needy, then she will run, not walk, away from this relationship. A person who wants this kind of control over someone else will _not_ ever get better or ever be satisfied. Because of course the problem is not the weight of the woman, but his ability to pick at and criticise her and point out her faults. Wither her, of course, not able to point out his.

Button

March 12th, 2013
7:56 am

Good morning! It’s called “love weight” lol. I gained weight this last time around when I started dating. I skipped the workouts and took on the late night meals fargoing the usual salad, and going for the steaks and everything that wasn’t weight friendly for me..oh and wine doesn’t help either! lol but I always say to myself I’ll do double workout the next day only thing the next day never came, I continue to eat and eat and eat and drink and drink until my favorite pair of jeans became a skinny jeans!! LOL. The weight can surely slip up on you! I noticed my guy putting on some weight too, so now that we’ve noticed the lil weight gain we’re going to change our eating habit by eating in more and not so late.

Button

March 12th, 2013
7:58 am

Single – now you know some people want their date to be a dime while they’re a nickel :lol:

Hazel

March 12th, 2013
8:08 am

The right way to go about this situation would be for him to suggest that they both start working out together. Instead of telling her to loose weight, working at something together will be even better for the relationship. No woman likes to hear that especially from someone she is dating. Men are visual and always will be. Like it or not

Button

March 12th, 2013
8:11 am

Hazel – I agree although it’s a sensative subject, that would be a good solution.

Hazel

March 12th, 2013
8:16 am

Button – Its all about compromising. I would’ve suggested the same thing if the letter was from a woman
@ Miss Moni “As far as new relationship weight, my thoughts on that is don’t get too comfortable until you’ve said “I do” and even then you still need to keep it sexy!!! ”
i couldn’t agree more.

Celisea

March 12th, 2013
8:19 am

No way in Hades a dude gonna criticize me. Ain’t happening. I’m open to him being contructive but you wanna bail cause of weight gain? I remember the kid’s dad telling me RIGHT AFTER I’d birth his baby, “yeah maaaan, everything looking good, just work on your stomach” :shock: Did I snap on him or what? Did I do a rundown of all the mess I didn’t like about him? Did he leave that issue alone? Yeah, yeah and yeah….lol You ain’t gonna dog me and I just had a baby…seriously??

Okay in all calm seriousness (lolol), life happens. People get older, the body changes, babies dang sure take you through it, so forth and so on. If there’s something about your SO you don’t particularly like, make sure your stuff is tight FIRST!! And if your stuff is together, THEEEEN can find a way to get it said. But going back to my first paragraph, I don’t take insults and abuse, in any form. Once you ALLOW abusive behavior, jokie jokes (translation insults) it will never stop, IMO.

Bluzgirl

March 12th, 2013
8:21 am

Morning!

S/H – I’m with you on this one. Usually, both people gain weight in a relationship. I wonder how much he has gained. Anyway…if he really didn’t gain anything and she is getting out of hand, then he must be sensitive about how he handles it. If he handles it wrong, then it could be over very quickly. There is no one way to handle it, though, as all women are different. If they have been together a while, then he should know her well enough to know how to approach her…

MissMoni

March 12th, 2013
8:24 am

LOL at Celisea’s “Did I do a rundown of all the mess I didn’t like about him?” You were waiting on a moment to let him have it huh?

Celisea

March 12th, 2013
8:26 am

As I mentioned a month or so ago, I believe it was GMA that said the vast majority of women don’t complain about their SO’s big bellies, thing waistlines, pants never tucked in (okay I’m saying that), but they are not happy about it.

It’s alway the “thick” dudes wanting a dime piece but muffin topping all over the place…lolol

Celisea

March 12th, 2013
8:27 am

MissMoni – Sho nuff. Shoot, I still waiting on my stitches to be removed and you giving me the physical rundown? Heck naw!!

Celisea

March 12th, 2013
8:28 am

I WAS still waiting…is what I meant

Hazel

March 12th, 2013
8:34 am

@Celisea – Im with you on the whole baby thing. Dude better go somewhere with that.

Leggs

March 12th, 2013
8:40 am

“Doesn’t everyone gain the “new relationship” weight in the beginning?” – I never thought about this, but I don’t think everyone gains weight in a new relationship. Of course if you’re dining out all the time and not working out, weight gain is bound to happen. Although sexing can burn a lot of those calories away. Maybe he should be sexing her more. She’ll lose weight (lol).

Morning.

Mrs. SexyCool

March 12th, 2013
8:43 am

As if she doesn’t know she’s gaining weight.

However, he’s not married to her. He has not gotten to the “for better or for worse” of it all.

So, while it may not be the kindest, most compassionate or even the smartest thing to do, he is well within his rights to set his expectation regarding his *girlfriend’s* weight. By the same token, she has every right to decide whether or not she is willing to be in a relationship where maintaining a certain weight is a requirement.

SlimNu

March 12th, 2013
8:48 am

I’ve gained a few pounds and have miniature gut that we have named, The Pooch. He usually works out 3 to 4 times a week but sort of took a hiatus for a few months. He recently started back working out after noticing him also getting a lil pooch in the front. Then just this past Saturday, I brought home a Chocolate Stampede dessert from Long Horns and he was like, “See, it’s all your fault! How you going to bring my favorite dessert here”. lolol I keep telling myself i’m going to get back in the gym (like Button) but I just haven’t been able to get that fire under my butt to do so just yet. Maybe when it warms up some more lol

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 12th, 2013
8:48 am

Dude: Can i talk to you for a minute?
Chick: Yeah, whats up….
Dude: I see you had an extra piece of cake last night……..
Chick: Yeah..It was Sandra’s birthday…..
Dude: Do you really think that was a good idea????????

Celisea

March 12th, 2013
8:49 am

Hazel – Okaaay…lol

You do have to be careful though when first starting a relationship because I agree, there’s eating out probably more than on the regular. Me and Mr Current will hit the gym together…sometimes. Just depends.

Celisea

March 12th, 2013
8:52 am

I can’t remember who it was on here that mentioned Halle’s little tummy at the Oscar’s but I didn’t really see it. She’s over 40 (or 40) and I tell you, prepare yourself, there are changes that happens when getting older…lol

Button

March 12th, 2013
8:54 am

Courtside – :lol:

disco

March 12th, 2013
8:54 am

good morning. looks like some folks are out to protect feelings. others, like ex are just brazen with it. this morning I’m on team ex. lol. people always suggest what you can do if you have a problem with SO’s weight. newsflash – they are the fatty, not me. I don’t have to do a daggone thing. lol. I know it sounds awful but I’m not fat and I don’t do fat.

C – re vast majority of women don’t complain about men’s weight. guess I’m not one of them. let there be too much belly or some man boobs and I will call a brother out with the quickness. yep, I’m shallow like that.

Celisea

March 12th, 2013
8:58 am

disco – We cut up on here one time talking about man boobs, bellies and stuff…lol That is sooo not cute and more noticeable when he’s wanting you to stay the perfect little miss he met a gazillion years ago…lol

I have to be honest, I can’t say I’ll call a dude out, because as long as you look nice and stuff ain’t just out of hand and hanging out everything, I’m okay. Now, if stuff gets out of hand, we’re joining a gym together.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 12th, 2013
9:04 am

Morning disco!!! You know you all about the big guy rubbing his belly telling you ” All of this is your playground mama!!! ” lolololol

Leggs

March 12th, 2013
9:05 am

disco ~ if you’re not fat, you sound like you got a fat head (lol). I’m just kidding. The instigator in me glued my hands to the keyboard and made me type that. A co-worker is getting some hot water from the coffee machine to pry my hands off. I’ll be back to myself soon….

Leggs

March 12th, 2013
9:09 am

Morning, disco!

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 12th, 2013
9:11 am

That’s not a big belly….”That’s a full tank for a sex machine”

Leggs

March 12th, 2013
9:12 am

“prepare yourself, there are changes that happens when getting older…lol” – Yes indeed, yes indeed!

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 12th, 2013
9:13 am

My stomach is not fat… “That’s the space I use to store the excess during the day”….

Leggs

March 12th, 2013
9:13 am

disco, talk to me, disco…talk to me!

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 12th, 2013
9:14 am

I always heard, If you have a nice ride, you should make sure to build a Roof to cover it…..

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 12th, 2013
9:16 am

I am not fat…I just happen to have a low center of Gravity……..

disco

March 12th, 2013
9:16 am

leggs – it may not be right but I’ve always been shallow in that regard. I come from small stock. with the exception of folks that married in we really don’t have any “fat” folks in my family. lol. I have a friend who comes from a family of big folks. once I went out with a group of cousins and my friend said we looked like a skeleton convention.

court – I have heard something similar. dudes have the nerve to be feeling some kind of way when you call them out. lol.

SlimNu

March 12th, 2013
9:19 am

I would want a partner that could be honest with me…honestly doesn’t mean that you have to tear me to shreds but there are ways to say and do things. That’s just like having a friend that won’t tell you that wearing an all silver outfit makes you look like an ole skool foil pan of popcorn. I’m sure all yall have been out and wondered who the hell a person’s friends were to let them leave the house like that. lol

disco

March 12th, 2013
9:19 am

on the flipside, I cannot stand a man who obsesses with his weight. one guy would ask if he could stand on my scale whenever he visited. let it be a pound or two off and he was whining like a girl.

Leggs

March 12th, 2013
9:25 am

disco ~ weird because everyone in my family is fat except for myself and my younger brother. It’s absolutely amazing how big my people are. I take after my father (thank goodness).

I have never owned a scale a day in my life. Why put such a miserable product in your bathroom simply to torture yourself (lolol)?

SlimNu

March 12th, 2013
9:27 am

honesty not honestly oops

disco

March 12th, 2013
9:33 am

leggs – I’m not sure why I have a scale. just do. it’s in my guest bath though so I don’t see it and hardly ever think about it.

Button

March 12th, 2013
9:34 am

If you’re seriously dating then yes you should tell your partner about their weight gain out of concern for other health problems that could arise because of it.

man boobs is a def turn off.

MsAtl

March 12th, 2013
9:35 am

Morning All!

Hazel- that’s my take on it also (your 8:08). My ex used to point out women my size (I am not fat) and call them hogbodies, then say “but not you because you carry your weight differently.” When I would suggest that we work out together, he would say he didn’t need to work out because he liked his fat or he would say “that’s not fat, that’s d!ck.” Needless to say, when I lost weight (without him) he would order all of my favorite appetizers at restaurants, even when I declined them.
In my opinion, if you have an issue with your S/O’s weight, you should think before you open your mouth. Calling someone a hogbody, fat, etc. is not a good way to broach the subject. But first and foremost, you can’t be looking like the Michelin Man and saying ish to me!

disco

March 12th, 2013
9:37 am

button – I laughed because I was waiting on that. not saying health concerns aren’t a valid point but I don’t think they are the driving, motivating factor in having the discussion. heck, skinny folks can be just as unhealthy as overweight folks. I think unless there actually is a health issue it’s just shallow disguised as concern. lol.

Leggs

March 12th, 2013
9:38 am

“…he would order all of my favorite appetizers at restaurants, even when I declined them.” – Now, that I deem to be one of the worse kind of people. Those that sabotages another’s progress in any arena.

Courtside Seats (With no PSL's added on!!!! )

March 12th, 2013
9:45 am

Ladies, if you are seeing a dude with man boobs, do you play with them?????

Hazel

March 12th, 2013
9:46 am

@MsAtl – he started ordering your favs cause u were looking good!! He was hating?!?

MsAtl

March 12th, 2013
9:46 am

Disco- that is true: “skinny” people can be unhealthy also. For me, it is more important to be healthy.
Leggs- It did not work; those appetizers went to waste, not my waist.
But, I have to admit that I did put on a few pounds after I started dating because I skipped workouts and indulged in some less healthy food.

SlimNu

March 12th, 2013
9:47 am

Court – Well has anyone ever played with yours (lol)

Leggs

March 12th, 2013
9:50 am

Ladies, if you are seeing a dude with man boobs, do you play with them????? – I am hollering over here picturing a woman sucking on man boobs like men suck on ours. Please don’t ask why I even pictured that.