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Flag on the play: Snooping!

You want to know how to really lose a guy in 10 days? Just go through his phone and get caught. My friend Henry dropped his date off and deleted her number after he found her snooping on his phone. It’s unfortunate because he was quite impressed with her up until that moment.

Nothing is scarier to men than an insecure chick with a penchant for using CSI skills in dating. He said he thought that was just a preview to what kind of behavior she would show in a serious relationship. If she was already looking through his phone this early in the game, it was probably a symptom of something deeper.

I tried to argue that some people are just nosy and aren’t cool with letting things unfold. They have this strong urge to know every single thing about the person they are dating right away. I kind of respect him for cutting his losses early, though. Hopefully the young lady learned her lesson and won’t snoop on the next guy.

If you had the opportunity to do a little recon on your date, would you take it? Do you think snooping is a bad habit that is harmless or can it mean there is a deeper issue?

Have you ever been caught snooping on your date? What would you do if you were on a date and spotted them looking through your phone, laptop, etc.?

Happy Thursday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating

321 comments Add your comment

Lee

March 7th, 2013
7:08 am

I never went though someones phone and never had the desire to. If the guy/gal is not telling the truth it will come to light.
If i even feel like i have to snoop you need to go, because something is not right, i don’t have time for that. Tell you tall tales to someone else. lol Good Day

Monroe

March 7th, 2013
8:30 am

“…probably a symptom of something deeper.” Gee, ya think? A relationship is built on trust, and I won’t be the one to break that trust. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with an “insecure chick” in a million years. These people aren’t just “nosy.” They have a problem, and that problem isn’t going away any time soon.

No, Diva, snooping isn’t a bad habit. If fact, it’s not a habit at all. It’s the symptom of a larger problem. Finding a woman with the kind of self-confidence and self-respect that would preclude her from wanting to snoop isn’t that hard to do. If you know where to look.

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

March 7th, 2013
8:31 am

If anyone Idate should happen to start to put their nose in places it does nopt belong, i hope they find the most offensive pictures and notes that I have available.. At that point I hope they ask about it so that they can be cursed out and offended in the same day……

LeeH1

March 7th, 2013
8:47 am

It’s a matter of control. The person wants control over the other person by learning their secrets. They almost never are likewise willing to have the other person snoop through their files. It is a “one-up” situation, and it shows what is also coming down the road in a few years.

Celisea

March 7th, 2013
8:55 am

I don’t snoop. IMO, that’s the worst. For me, if I feel you can’t be trusted, I’m not going through that kind of stuff. Rather, I’m going to remove myself from the equation. NOTHING kills a relattionship quicker than a lack of trust.

I will confess, as I have on here before, the kid’s dad was the only time I got into that kind of mess. And as I also stated, that was a highly volitale relationship. Y’all wonder where I get the “I ain’t scared of you” mentality? lolol Well, not from him per se, but back then I learned quickly don’t fall for anything, don’t buy everything sold, don’t run from folks (cause you ain’t gotta), and don’t let folks run all over you. Okay okay, I didn’t JUST get that from him, I was born with that…lol But, I can say, I put it in full force starting with him. Anyhoo, I’m about to venture down another path….. lol As I was saying, with the kid’s dad I can’t really say it was snooping, shoot if I wanted to know something, I either asked and if I didn’t buy what he was telling me, I outright looked…in his face… his pockets, in his beeper (didn’t too much have cells), hit redial, etc etc etc….. After him, I decided to grow and become the lady my mama raised me to be :mrgreen:

The only time I can recall “feeling” like I’d been set-up, to see if I would take the bait was with Silky. I’ve mentioned on here before. We were going to lunch. He needed to run into the bank to transact. He left two Blackberrys on the console and the vehicle running. I looked down at both phones and looked away, out of the window. I wasn’t tempted. I can’t say he set me up as that wasn’t his character, but that’s the “feeling” I had. It was just too dang perfect to get a peek and put them back. Nope, nothing doing…lol

Trust is priceless and about the most valuable component you can have not only for man/woman relationship, but any relationship. If folks wants to be janky, you snooping won’t stop them. If something is amiss, you won’t have to snoop it out. Keep your eyes and ears open. It will bring itself to you.

Button

March 7th, 2013
9:09 am

I don’ think snooping is a habit, I think it’s just plain nosey. Some people just love to go through other peoples things snooping around just because they feel they can and to see what they can find.
I’ve never been caught snooping. I use to do that in my younger years but now you won’t catch me going through a dates phone or anything personal. That ’s just not right or mature. There have been times I was alone with a guys cell phone and I was tempted to grab it and go thru it but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

What would you do if you were on a date and spotted them looking through your phone, laptop, etc.? Not worrying about that happening b/c I have a lock on my phone and besides I keep my phone in my pocketbook.

Good morning!

SlimNu

March 7th, 2013
9:21 am

I don’t have anything to hide from the beau in my phone

Morning lovelies ;-)

MsAtl

March 7th, 2013
9:23 am

Morning All!
I agree with what Henry did. No, I have never been caught snooping on my date (and have never snooped). I have googled a date before, but I imo that is different. I would have an issue with a date going through my phone. Courtside, I am laughing at you “the most offensive pictures and notes…”

Celisea- “that kind of mess.” With the ex, I did go through his phone. When someone is getting 30 texts a night from a “patient” it’s kind of hard to refrain from going through their phone after they lie to your face. Needless to say, my “snooping” with the ex confirmed my suspicions and I left. Trust is essential to a relationship. At this point, if I have reason to question you, I can either believe what you tell me or I can walk. I do not have the time, energy, nor inclination to go through all the mess of snooping, spying, runnign behind anyone. I just will not do that again!

disco

March 7th, 2013
9:24 am

good morning. I won’t rush the topic change but I will welcome it when it gets here. I’m not a go through the phone, rifle through the drawers type of snoop but I will check property records, dmv records, vital statistics etc. it’s still snooping. I’ve uncovered more than a couple married gents posing as not married gents. it is what it is.

Celisea

March 7th, 2013
9:25 am

ri di cu lous ness

Celisea

March 7th, 2013
9:27 am

That’s the word that got my post eaten…I was saying something on the Strawberry Letter. I don’t normally listen but Shirley’s disclaimer, while scanning stations got my attention.

Celisea

March 7th, 2013
9:30 am

MsAtl – I don’t suggest anybody see the writing on the wall and just sit there. If it’s apparent and evident and in my face, I’m not even asking. Know why? Cause you’re only gonna lie and I won’t be responsible for helping you be a liar…lol When I think in terms of snooping, it’s usually scenarios where you have a gut feeling, something won’t or don’t add up, you’re stuttering uttering and buttering, you’re just plain nosey, so forth and so on. Now if Big Willy gonna be brazen enough to have junk going on in my face, it’s gonna be a frigid day in hades before I stick around.

Celisea

March 7th, 2013
9:31 am

“he’s (him) stuttering uttering and buttering or you’re (not you…but the only person in the relationship) is just plain nosey….

is what I meant

SlimNu

March 7th, 2013
9:31 am

I think snooping can become a habit just like anything else…It’s like once you start feeding into that craving to get a ‘one-up’ on what your partner is doing, it becomes hard to ignore that urge, especially if you find something that could possibly be something. I’ve had conversations with other women over the years with regards to this topic and they say the same thing. At some point (well for some) you have to come to terms with what you’re doing and cut it out. You have to have faith that your partner is doing what they should be doing, and if they aren’t, that it’ll be revealed to you in due time without you searching for it. I went through all this with the ex (as some of you have heard numerous times) He breached the trust which led to the birth of snooping. He claimed to the high heavens that he would be true going forward and the snooping was a way for me to deal with confirming or holding him to that. But it became tiresome and changed who I was as a person…so I say hey, i’m not going to do this anymore. It’s up to him to prove to me that he is trustworthy so I cut it out. Then low and behold, I didn’t have to go looking for anything because the chick came ringing the doorbell while I was there. lol

SlimNu

March 7th, 2013
9:32 am

Apologies for the long post…no citations needed especially since Celisea commits that infraction daily :lol:

Celisea

March 7th, 2013
9:36 am

See, just like Slim’s ever so innocent, slight jab. Naw, I’m not laughing. And, I could even have a bit more respect if you didn’t hide behind it your zingers and jokie jokes, etc etc etc But I don’t :mrgreen:

disco

March 7th, 2013
9:36 am

I was just thinking about snooping. though it’s not relationship snooping I couldn’t help but giggle remembering a time when my cousin said all of the presents under her Christmas tree had tiny little holes poked in them. apparently the kids thought if they poked a hole they could see enough to guess what it was and they obviously thought their little holes would go undetected. too funny.

Celisea

March 7th, 2013
9:37 am

….have too much respect. I don’t dabble in “jokie jokes” from folks that put a facade to say what they really feel. I take folks better that keep it real :) Yeah, there’s always someone want to start mess

I think I’ll lurk awhile

No Bueno

March 7th, 2013
9:38 am

Her: What’s the code for your phone?
Him: How do you know there’s a code for my phone?

Bluzgirl

March 7th, 2013
9:41 am

Morning all!

I’ve admitted in the past that I snooped on the Ex. I didn’t at first, but after a while, I just felt like he was hiding something. I did find a couple of questionable things and I did confront him about it. He really gave me reasons to snoop and like you said Slim…it became a habit. I was always looking for something. My problem was that I let him get away with the stuff that I did find. I let him excuse it all away. There’s no telling what he really did that I never found out about.

Going forward, I hope to not feel the need to snoop. If it gets to that point, then I need to recognize that it’s not a healthy relationship…

SlimNu

March 7th, 2013
9:41 am

Lawd have mercy….don’t laugh then…it’s not a requirement. :mrgreen:

disco

March 7th, 2013
9:42 am

C – okay I’m going to play peacekeeper. lol. how’s that for change? usually I play instigator. anyway, maybe slim’s post was a jab but maybe it wasn’t. maybe it was innocent. others have made comments about your lengthy posts before. heck, a time or two even you commented about your lengthy posts. let’s have a “kumbaya” day today and all try to get along. lolol. (whew that mess don’t even sound like me).

MsAtl

March 7th, 2013
9:42 am

Yeah, I understand that whole “what’s done in the dark will come to light” thing, but I was not sitting around waiting for a light to turn on. That nagging feeling would not go away and while it may not be out of the ordinary for a patient to text their therapist, it did not add up. After the snooping didn’t turn up “evidence” since the texts were deleted, I hired an investigator. Best money I spent and relieved me of the need to sit around waiting for the bulb or spending more time snooping through things myself. Dr. McNasty was apparently sleeping raw dog with several patients. My life and my health are too precious for that. That is not a waiting game I am willing to do.

Slim- I agree; you have to trust your partner to do the right thing and to be honest and faithful.

Bluzgirl

March 7th, 2013
9:43 am

disco – as a kid, I snooped and found all of my Christmas presents one year. It was a disappointing feeling to already know everything I was getting and to have to pretend on Christmas morning. I never did it again. Totally ruined the surprise!

Slim – you are AWESOME, by the way…

Celisea

March 7th, 2013
9:45 am

disco – Then you need to play peacemaker with Slim, cause as with any other day, I come and post. Not once do I hang on to folks post and make jabs or deragatory statements….and pretend otherwise. I speak for me and don’t rub up against anyone else’s space. So, don’t bring that to me today. Take it where it needs to go. And yes, it’s daily from someone that just hangs on to my post. But as I stated, I don’t run from folks. And if I don’t try to make asinine remarks and comments towards you, how bout you do me a favor and do the same.

And folks suppose to be grown.

Leggs

March 7th, 2013
9:46 am

Dang, how long have they been dating, not that that helps anything.

Point blank, I don’t believe in snooping. If I can’t trust you, I don’t need to be with you. If my gut tells me something is amiss, I won’t snoop to find the answer. I’ll sit you down and ask you face to face. Your actions will tell me what I need to know.

The Strawberry Letter was interesting, however, SHarvey spoke the truth. The letter writer is a fool and being played like a fiddle!

Good morning.

Celisea

March 7th, 2013
9:47 am

And I still know what the root of it is…yeah, we’ll all just play dumb.

SlimNu

March 7th, 2013
9:48 am

I’m really not trying to start anything at all. And my reference to Celisea’s lengthy post is the not the first time in the history of the blog, anyone has said something about another person’s long post. No blog fight or blog bullying over here ….And that’s all I have to say about thayaat (said in my Forrest Gump voice) :-D

Celisea

March 7th, 2013
9:50 am

Cue the violins and the innocent act…yeah whatever. I’m bypassing BS this year, but believe you me, that don’t translate into doormat…k?

:mrgreen:

SlimNu

March 7th, 2013
9:52 am

You getting riled up for no reason. Take a chill pill….Not That Serious K :-D Not sure why you’re so combative all the time. Ain’t nobody got time for dat.

Bluzgirl

March 7th, 2013
9:52 am

Wow…someone is a little touchy this morning…

Back to the topic…

LL411

March 7th, 2013
9:52 am

Had a new guy do this once, told him off and through his butt out … so why a week or so later did I get a call from someone that had gone through his phone LOL. All I could tell her is they deserved each other :)

disco

March 7th, 2013
9:54 am

well alrighty then. my career as a peacekeeper was short-lived but that’s okay since it really didn’t suit me anyway. carry on. I’ll start spreading the rumor that there will be a fight in the blog parking lot at 3:00.

Celisea

March 7th, 2013
9:55 am

No hon, I’m cool as a cucumber. The only difference in me and you….again…is that I keep it real. No hiding, no sliding, no jabbing, no zingers. Maybe that’s why you call it being riled. I call it keeping it real.

And again, we all know the root and the invisible Elephant that lurks over the blog.

Into the Light

March 7th, 2013
9:56 am

(ITL looking both ways before entering)

Morning, all!!

I have done the snooping thing, when I thought I had good reason. I was disappointed on two fronts: One, that I had resorted to that and two, that I was right. :(

Celisea

March 7th, 2013
9:58 am

But….I’m happily booed and again it’s 2013. New year, new love, new bed, new home, new car, new money! :mrgreen: How’s that for happy??!!

SlimNu

March 7th, 2013
9:59 am

we all know the root and the invisible Elephant that lurks over the blog.

Actually I don’t

Into the Light

March 7th, 2013
10:00 am

Say, any of you guys know how to Madison? :lol: :lol:

(RHPS humor)

Into the Light

March 7th, 2013
10:01 am

Me either @ Slim’s 9:59.

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

March 7th, 2013
10:01 am

If you had the opportunity to do a little recon on your date, would you take it?

No, no and hellz no…that’s so disrespectful and immature.

Do you think snooping is a bad habit that is harmless or can it mean there is a deeper issue?

Snooping is wrong and depending on the degree to which it’s happening/happened it could allude to some deep seeded psychological issue…but that’s a whole other Oprah of itself….and who’d even want to date a person like that be it male or female…IMO

Sassy Me...Make it do what it do ;-)

March 7th, 2013
10:03 am

And again, we all know the root and the invisible Elephant that lurks over the blog

:shock:

Bluzgirl

March 7th, 2013
10:04 am

Hey ITL!!!! I do not know how to Madison…have to look it up! :-D

SlimNu

March 7th, 2013
10:04 am

Celisea – I too am genuinely happy about your: “New year, new love, new bed, new home, new car, new money! ” I’ve never been a hater…just wasn’t brought up that way. And i’m sure you’ll continue to thrive in your life.

Back to your regularly scheduled program ;-)

disco

March 7th, 2013
10:04 am

I’m also ignorant as to the root and the elephant. what’s up with that?

Celisea

March 7th, 2013
10:06 am

Snooping is wrong and depending on the degree to which it’s happening/happened it could allude to some deep seeded psychological issue…but that’s a whole other Oprah of itself….and who’d even want to date a person like that be it male or female

Yep, shole is. Snooping is a bad way to be. That’s draining on the psyche to constantly worry about the other person is doing. That’s enough to drive your own self to drink

Into the Light

March 7th, 2013
10:06 am

@Bluz: Do you know the scene I’m talking about? Totally awkward moment (ahem) and Brad pipes up and says the Madison line. Priceless!

But, um, yeah….I don’t know how to Madison, either.

Bluzgirl

March 7th, 2013
10:10 am

ITL – Yes…I do know the scene. LOL!

Bluzgirl

March 7th, 2013
10:10 am

Keeping it real, yet staying elusive to the “root and the elephant”…

Celisea

March 7th, 2013
10:11 am

Let’s just end this morning with…if I answer one, I’ve answered all…lololololol Brushing my shoulder off :)

Off to lurk for now :mrgreen:

Into the Light

March 7th, 2013
10:14 am

So, quickly exiting Hostileville and taking a left into Crazytown…………