Can you marry your best friend?
Whenever I come across a couple who seem to not only love each other, but like each other, I pay attention. There is something about a couple who are friends and lovers. I don’t know, call me romantic, but these are the couples seem to have a deeper, richer, and more loving connection.
Granted, I don’t really know what goes on in their private lives. Surely they go through the rough patches and manage to weather the storm. I think it helps a lot when you are truly friends. Is it possible to have the love of your life also be your best friend? I think it is! That is the kind of connection I want to have with my future husband.
We usually debate whether or not men and women can be friends. I want to know what you think about your lover becoming your best friend?
Do you consider your significant other your best friend? Do you think there is a deeper connection when there is a genuine friendship in your romantic relationships?
When you go beyond the dating stage and don’t have to impress each other, do you still enjoy being around them? Would you have something in common besides sex?
How does a couple manage to make their lover their friend? Do you start off as friends first?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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390 comments Add your comment
kimmie
March 6th, 2013
11:52 am
Button –
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
11:52 am
Button ~ that’s my take on “foresake all others” as well. Cleave unto your husband/wife for whatever it is you need from your marriage, do not go outside seeking it from others. Foresake all else that potentially may damage your marriage. Real friends don’t damage.
Foresake all others, the ones where misery loves company, gossipy friends, isht starters, etc. Foresake everything negative in your life before marriage!
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
11:53 am
Kimmie, what is the single life??
Again, it’s really not that hard. If you just can’t bear the thought of not hanging out until 4 in the morning drinking with your buddies every weekend, then please stay single, all of you. How do you do that and still be in a relationship??
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
11:54 am
Kimmie, you 11:47 nicely sums up all I have been trying to say. I wish you would have said it earlier so I could have saved myself some key strokes. LOL
If you want to live single don’t get married. If you want to maintain friendships closer than that of your spouse skip the marriage and keep the friends.
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
11:55 am
So button, Leggs, Kimmie. How do you handle when your friends and family doesn’t like your mate?
Button
March 6th, 2013
11:55 am
Single – trust me, he will! That’s why I said you’re not cheating until you’re married. You can’t commit adulty when you’re dating/relationship…hence forsaking all others!
MsAtl
March 6th, 2013
11:56 am
Kimmie- I’m with you on the staying out till 4 am thing. In my opinion, as you grow & mature, you cut down or cut out certain things. If you are in a committed relationship and choose to go to the club, just come in at a decent time; you don’t have to shut the club down every time. Like we discussed previously- ain’t nothing open after a certain time except legs and Crystal’s.
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
11:57 am
Single ~ they ain’t sleeping with him, I am…NEXT!
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
11:57 am
Button, at least we agree on that point (LOL)
Button
March 6th, 2013
11:58 am
Single – I’ve never had to endure that position.
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
11:59 am
Seriously, Single, I’ve never been in a situation where a family member didn’t care for the person I was dating. I won’t be too concerned if a friend didn’t like him. Hopefully, what she sees that I’m not seeing will not stop her from being my friend. And, when I do see what she sees, she’s right there w/arms open wide.
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
11:59 am
Msatl, what if I’m taking Cyrstal to Ihop
kimmie
March 6th, 2013
11:59 am
. How do you do that and still be in a relationship??
Single – Some folks try it and look at you like you’re crazy if you don’t go along with it!
I don’t know about your definition of the single life(and I’m talking not in a serious exclusive relationship or married). My definition is being able to make decisions without having to consider another person. You can pick up and go to Vegas tomorrow and the only person you need to let know is your job.
MsAtl
March 6th, 2013
12:01 pm
Single- It’s not easy. Plenty of folks did not like my ex. One friend would call to make sure he wasn’t home before she visited, others would not come to the house at all. Family members tolerated him but either would not visit or would stay in a hotel. He was my spouse and I chose to marry him and they all understood that. They didn’t have to like him, but they also knew not to disrespect him because that was who I chose to share my life with. Was he an a$$? Perhaps, but the way I saw it, he was my a$$ and I stuck by him until “I” made the decision that I could not any longer. Funny though, after it was over, I got visitors again, lol.
Button
March 6th, 2013
12:02 pm
Single – I’ figured you’d likey! lol
MsAtl
March 6th, 2013
12:02 pm
Single- I don’t think I-Hip is open at 4 am; you’re thinking of Waffle House, lol.
disco
March 6th, 2013
12:03 pm
well at the end of the day I hope that everyone remembers what side their bread is buttered on. lol. go getting all brand new on folks and then turn around and need them.
Button
March 6th, 2013
12:04 pm
disco – lol
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
12:05 pm
Msatl Ihop is open 24 hrs round here.
kimmie
March 6th, 2013
12:06 pm
Single – I’ve never really had much of an issue with that. My parents kind of set the tone early on what they would or would not accept in their house. They helped to shape my view on the kind of man I wanted and it was a great thing. I never felt the desire to rebel and go get a “bad boy”! I never brought trash around my family. So the most I’ve ever had to deal with was some differences in opinions or some personality clashes. Everyone always remained respectful of each other though.
If I really felt good about my decision to be with a man though, I would not let my family get in the way of that. My family and friends know this – I have a mind of my own and I’m not afraid to use it! If any of them had not liked my hubs, that would not have stopped me from marrying him!
MsAtl
March 6th, 2013
12:07 pm
Single- What the? You mean if I want pancakes in the middle of the night I don’t have to cook them myself? It’s on now!
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
12:10 pm
Kimmie, unless we’re married, you have no say in any decisions I make, I have ran into this several times. IE, I will buy a new car on a whim, I’m not discussing this with a girlfriend. Now when it comes to trips, I will mention it, and if they hem and haw about going, I will see you when I get back! Tomorrow is not promised so I’m enjoying today!
Bluzgirl
March 6th, 2013
12:10 pm
Mmmmmm…IHOP…dang…now I want some pancakes!
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
12:12 pm
Kimmie it’s not really rebel, most friends and family don’t like the others mate because of things that the person tell them. you know most only share the bad times, not the good. My thing is if you’re still there it’s not all that bad, so I have know problem with them.
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
12:15 pm
IHOP pancakes are too soft. I like a little crunch on my pancakes.
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
12:18 pm
Leggs, forsaking all others means exactly what it says. Like I was telling Celisea earlier my dad has given me the best lessons about marriage than anyone else.
Friends and family are biased. Mostly hardly ever give unbiased advice. Forsaking all others mean deal with your marital issues within your marriage. Stay away from those well-intentioned folks that cannot see right because they a blinded by your kinship and friendship.
And as Kimmie mentioned the staying out until 1,2 – 4am. When you are funning it up with your “bestie” they are likely not to tell you you need to go home. You are not supposed to hanging out like you are and you have a spouse at home. We don’t consider those to be the negative that you speak of. Those are our friends. That is what has to be forsaken. We easily recognize the bad but the what we call the good is not all the time in our best interest.
Celisea
March 6th, 2013
12:23 pm
I cannot believe we are in March. I’m cleaning out emails cause “your mailbox is almost full” keeps popping up. I cannot believe I was just telling folks HNY via email. I cannot believe my kid will be 18 in a month
Lord, where did the time go? I cannot believe I’ve made it this far. I can look back and remember times feeling all bleak and stuff.
Thank ya Jesus!!
Okay, I’ve got a lunch date in about 20 minutes
Toodles (for now)!!
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
12:23 pm
Raqi ~ I get what it means, but you don’t forsake everyone. You forsake anyone and everyone that will cause trouble in your marriage even your parents, friends, coworkers, or who ever. Forsake means to leave or separate yourself from. If you want your marriage to work than this statement will never be unreasonable.
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
12:23 pm
MsAtl, you know none of those people would not have ever been welcomed in my house, and I wouldn’t have went around them. to me that means not only do you not respect my mate, but you have no respect for me or my decisions. I’m not crazy about my son’s wife, but I will never say anything bad to him about her, and I will be nice to her because she is his wife, and the mother of my grandchildren, it was his choice to make, not mine!
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
12:24 pm
Does your daughter have a car, Celisea? if not, aAre you giving her one for her 18th bady (lol)?
Celisea
March 6th, 2013
12:27 pm
Leggs – Not yet. She started out all gung ho, studying the Driver’s Ed (whatever you call it) book and that dropped off. I’m just waiting to see what she’s gonna do. I hadn’t planned to
I bought my first car at 18, a blue Chevy Cavalier, 6 months old when I got it. She ain’t exactly cut from the same cloth as I was (not saying that to sound ugly). She’s taking after her dad in soooo many ways. Just think things are gonna fall on her. We’re doing a bit of “tough love”, she ain’t exactly all that pleased with me these days. I’m making her “go get” what she wants. Hopefully, in the long run she’ll come to appreciate.
kimmie
March 6th, 2013
12:27 pm
Kimmie, unless we’re married, you have no say in any decisions I make, I have ran into this several times. IE, I will buy a new car on a whim, I’m not discussing this with a girlfriend.
Single – See you are talking extremes, in my opinion anyway. H no I never discussed major purchases or decisions with a boyfriend. I might mention it because I am curious what their experience with a Honda or a Ford was, but that’s it. I’ve said many times I don’t believe in mixing finances and other major stuff until marriage.
There is a certain respect you give to a relationship that might not be at what you would give a marriage, but not like you are totally single either. Like I dated a guy that tried to be evasive all the time and keep me off balance. He could have been messing with others too, but he used to just try to get a rise out of me, and we had been dating over a year. He would leave town and sometimes even leave the country and not even mention a word of it to me. No, as he said, he didn’t have to “report” to me or anything. But when I call a few times over the course of a weekend or even a week and here nothing and find out you went out of town and see the smirk on your face when you tell me, its game playing. If I’m going somewhere I’ll at least mention in passing “yeah I gotta go to Chicago next week for a meeting”. No big deal. But he knew that made his girlfriends in the past mad and he wanted to start some mess with me. 2nd time he did it, I made no mention of it. He couldn’t understand when he got back from his trip and had no messages from me!
But you know exactly what I’m talking about Single. Such behavior and thought processes don’t just cut off when you get married. Whatever works for you.
Celisea
March 6th, 2013
12:29 pm
She’s always “cute” though. She LOVES when folks say, “with your cute self” or “you’re so pretty”….yeah, that’ll feed you and provide for you…IJS
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
12:31 pm
And for the record, I don’t like all the rules of marriage but I agreed to abide by them. Am I 100% compliant heck no. But I cannot deny what is right.
Sometimes I just want to be left alone but that choice is not mine to make when my responsibilities as a wife are to be tended to.
Here is one I know all of you can relate to. Sex. The rule of marriage says my body is not mine to withhold from him and his body is not his to withhold from me. But sometimes I just want to be left alone so I will call a headache or an “aunt flow” when she packed her bags and left a week ago. Some days I guiltily take my happy behind on to sleep headache and blood free knowing it’s not right. But then there are times when I do engage despite wanting to be left alone because I made the vow.
So yeah I am no angel but I will not deny the truth.
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
12:33 pm
“See you are talking extremes, in my opinion anyway”
Kimmie, don’t you just love the way those (The Extremes) are always the attempt to drive a point home? LOL
MsAtl
March 6th, 2013
12:33 pm
Single- Honestly speaking, the dislike was earned. It did not start out that way. As I said, my family was not rude to him, they socialized with him and everything. It just got to a point that the more he accomplished and the more successful he became, he forgot where he came from, became arrogant, and started putting down everyone else. He really pushed folks away (even colleagues). It just took longer for me because I was of the mind that you had your mate’s back. It was an eye opener for me when he put me down because I was “just an attorney,” not a partner in a firm or anything that he deemed prestigious. I could not in good conscious ban people from my house when it was him who was the source of the bad feelings.
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
12:34 pm
O/T: Oh boy, need to clean out my ears. My stopped at my desk and asked “when do I want to schedule trouble?” I looked at him with
thinking quickly what type of crappy project I’m about to embark on. I guess my silence stumped him and he repeated “when do I want to schedule eating a truffle?” Oh my….
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
12:34 pm
“There is a certain respect you give to a relationship”
If you can’t think like a couple stay unmarried.
kimmie
March 6th, 2013
12:36 pm
Raqi – Yep!LOL!! It’s always an extreme or an exception. If you get it you get it, if you don’t, oh well…..
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
12:36 pm
Kimmie it may sound extreme, but it happened happen to me more than once. Even had one tell me that they needed a new car and couldn’t afford one, and I didn’t and had one, needless to say that one didn’t last long after that.
disco
March 6th, 2013
12:36 pm
raqi / kimmie – well if we all just said “do you / whatever works for you / to each his own/ we’ll agree to disagree” right off the bat we wouldn’t have all this interesting back and forth. how much fun would that be?
HST
March 6th, 2013
12:37 pm
I am with my best friend, and she is my lover as well. In my younger years, friendship might not of quantified a relationship.
My LTR and I get more compliments on our happiness, good time, demeanor, and you name if it’s positive. Yes, we have ruff patches (never lasts more than hours, and maybe a day or two once or twice in 13 years), but we would never belittle (FTR, we’ve never belittled each other without an ‘I’m sorry’ very soon, and it was subjective matter anyways) or argue with each other in public. Our arguments are trivial, and never on core issues. No joke, if we’re out the whole day doing our thing, we at least get two compliments on us having fun with each other or something of the sort.
I could go on and on about being with your best friend and its benefits.
Let me just say this, real friendship isn’t complicated. You hold to your obligations, duty, responsibilities, honor, honesty, be there, and love that person unconditionally. You don’t ever let your real friends down. You just don’t. Love has many facets, and when you find that unconditional love for a person – that’s the one. Sex is so much fun in the beginning, but soon enough you’ll be sitting on the couch together. Maybe I’ve gotten older, but sex and attraction – this isn’t to say let go of yourself, or such – is nothing compared to friendship.
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
12:37 pm
Has happened that is.
kimmie
March 6th, 2013
12:37 pm
If you can’t think like a couple stay unmarried.
Raqi – And that thought process does not cut on like a faucet the second you marry. It just doesn’t.
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
12:37 pm
Mine still hasn’t gotten her license. She will get it his summer (hopefully). She’s in no rush to learn how to drive. I started late just because of where I lived, but I’m telling her she has to learn how to drive and be independent. I think/hope it happens this summer. She does drive some, just not enough.
And I tell her to take the cute/pretty comments with a grain of salt because they won’t sustain her in life. I know what you’re saying.
kimmie
March 6th, 2013
12:39 pm
Single- These extreme things always seem to happen to you in your relationships though. Maybe it’s not them……….
Celisea
March 6th, 2013
12:39 pm
This place is a riot!! lolol BBL after my lunch date
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
12:40 pm
Finances start to matter once you get engaged. All purchases should be discussed because now you have made a promise to merge wallets. Your fiancé has all the right in the word to have an opinion on how you spend money. Your spending will affect them in the long run.
You cannot go and finance a car in an engagement and not expect your betrothed to be concerned. They have a right to be. Soon your car note with become “our” car note.
kimmie
March 6th, 2013
12:41 pm
Disco – No fun at all, but if I truly wanted to end it with “do you” I wouldn’t discuss it anymore!LOL!!
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
12:41 pm
Kimmie yea there is a common denominator, THEY ALL F@(KED UP!! (LOL)