Can you marry your best friend?
Whenever I come across a couple who seem to not only love each other, but like each other, I pay attention. There is something about a couple who are friends and lovers. I don’t know, call me romantic, but these are the couples seem to have a deeper, richer, and more loving connection.
Granted, I don’t really know what goes on in their private lives. Surely they go through the rough patches and manage to weather the storm. I think it helps a lot when you are truly friends. Is it possible to have the love of your life also be your best friend? I think it is! That is the kind of connection I want to have with my future husband.
We usually debate whether or not men and women can be friends. I want to know what you think about your lover becoming your best friend?
Do you consider your significant other your best friend? Do you think there is a deeper connection when there is a genuine friendship in your romantic relationships?
When you go beyond the dating stage and don’t have to impress each other, do you still enjoy being around them? Would you have something in common besides sex?
How does a couple manage to make their lover their friend? Do you start off as friends first?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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390 comments Add your comment
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
11:06 am
Bluz, put your big girl pants on, it happens my friend that just contacted me was telling me about all the things I did for her, and was there for her when no one else was. Hell I don’t even remember any of it. (LOL) Life is to short to be holding grudges!!
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
11:07 am
“The worst part was her dropping her best friend of 18 years for no reason.”
Bluzgirl, but is it really dropping her best friend or just being preoccupied with her life? Just because I don’t talk to my friends every day or even every week does not mean we are no longer friends.
We hardly even see each other more than 2-3 times a month these days. And some of those sighting are bumping into each other at Publix or at the mall.
If you are giving more time to the outside than to your relationship, your relationship is going to soon end.
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
11:08 am
Celisea ~ she has genital herpes. Guess he thinks her mouth is safe. Wonder how he reacts when she gets a fever blister???
Celisea
March 6th, 2013
11:10 am
Leggs – I gathered. I just don’t understand him being oh so precautious but willing to get his wang blowed. IJS If you got something, you got something and I don’t want to risk in any way, catching what you got. He may not, but IJS, I wouldn’t want to run that risk. So, he takes a risk to get off, but won’t run the risk for getting her off? Yeah, that’s fair. If you’re in, you’re in.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
March 6th, 2013
11:10 am
How complete a person can you be if all you are is a spouse / parent??? My parents were together for over 30 years until thier passing and they both ALWAYS found time to do things and had relationships that did not include the other…… My dad was a Mason and played softball every year ( Until he got sick) and my mom had her book club and her college friends would go to the casinos a few times a year with out fail. All that and they still managed to be at ball games and track meets and whatnot….
kimmie
March 6th, 2013
11:11 am
Raqi – Heck, we don’t have the time to even talk on the phone a lot, much less “hang out”! Not enough hours in the day!
My girls & I get together about 3 times a year to do lunch/dinner & shop. I had a Super Bowl party that was like a UGA reunion. But that’s all we can handle.
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
11:12 am
“If you are giving more time to the outside than to your relationship, your relationship is going to soon end.”
And there you have it. Next topic!
disco
March 6th, 2013
11:13 am
raqi – the friend I mentioned earlier who got married, fell off, got separated, came back and eventually divorced – her first husband started pulling her away from friends long before he married her. he literally told her outright he didn’t want her dealing with me and a few other folks. (she didn’t tell us this until after the divorce). we worked through it but I told her straight out if she ever let a man tell her not to deal with me again she might as well make up her mind right then and there to not deal with me. that’s some freaking bull.
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
11:13 am
Disco, I know that. Those examples you gave are not the norm but the exception.
My marriage is not a fairy tale and neither is any of my friends but our responsibility as wives and mothers come first. As grown women we are not supposed to be hanging out like teenagers anyway.
My friends are not my friends because we talk every day. They are my friends because when I need them they are here for me and I am there for them. Despite the fact that we may not have seen each other in a month.
This trying to hold on to those high school doings is not what grown up life is about.
Celisea
March 6th, 2013
11:13 am
You have to move with the course of life. I have bffs but we don’t talk or chat or make appointments to meet up, as we’ve all ventured down life’s path. Yeah, back when we were single and without kids and had nothing but time and money to blow, we could get together and do things. Well, life happens and priorities set in and you shift your time and space to those things that take a front seat. Something is wrong if you and your bff have to be glued in order to know you’re still bffs. We occasionally meet and have lunch, chat and catch up or grab an hour to talk on the phone and catch up and say, until next time. We’re still bffs though.
Purple Reign
March 6th, 2013
11:13 am
It is kind of hypocritical of the guy to put it in her mouth and not put it in her or return the favor of pleasing her orally.
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
11:14 am
Celisea ~ I know. Guess he’s throwing a small amount of caution to the wind, but letting caution jump leaps and bounds to get to what he perceives to be his promised land at the moment.
Celisea
March 6th, 2013
11:15 am
Leggs – Yep. He’s not very smart if he’s trying to avoid. IMO, that’s no exchanging or swapping of NOTHING, altogether. But, the letter said he was a virgin (and I’ll add), green no doubt.
The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior
March 6th, 2013
11:16 am
What I was getting at is I’ve never been one to talk ‘out of school’ about a relationship and say anything to a friend that I couldn’t say to my SO. Honestly, if I couldn’t talk to ‘em, I didn’t stick around long.
Likewise, I hated when former flames and brushfires would feel the need to discuss our relationship with their friends and not me. Seriously, “what the hell can she tell you? Let alone do anything about it/me?”
I look(ed) at disagreements as a chance to improve communication and get a better understanding of each other. I think adding third and fourth parties to that process muddles it.
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
11:17 am
Court – Kimmie, goes to show how everyone’s situation is different, what works for some doesn’t work for all. As for me I don’t have friends that I hang out with on a regular basis, but I have no problem with my S/O hanging with her friends, as long as it doesn’t interfere with our plans.
Purple Reign
March 6th, 2013
11:19 am
Dan, I agree. Keep your business between those involved.
Button
March 6th, 2013
11:19 am
disco – I agree @ 11:04.
Bluzgirl
March 6th, 2013
11:19 am
Purple – I did reach out to her a few times and tell her how hurt I was and how much I missed her and she promised to change things. It was back to the same old thing…not hearing from her, not getting responses from her. Her excuse has always been “there’s a lot going on and I just can’t talk about it now.” It’s really sad. I never expected us to still hang out all the time and talk on the phone every other day, but at least every once in a while isn’t too much to ask. She just ignored certain important things in my life and wasn’t there when I needed her. We always said we were sisters, but once this man came in, she didn’t need her sister anymore. I have bad feelings about what may be going on behind closed doors, but I can’t do anything about it…
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
11:19 am
Virgin means pure, never having sex. He may not have penetrated a woman, but his ding a ling is not virgin!
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
11:20 am
“her first husband started pulling her away from friends long before he married her”
Disco, RED FLAG! She clearly walked into that disaster. Being controlled by a person is not the same as being controlled by life. My husband does not tell me I cannot spend time with my friends. My life does. You become an adult and this is what you get. Busy responsibilities.
Your friend’s relationship is not the median. That situation is not to be compared to what is being discussed today.
Celisea
March 6th, 2013
11:20 am
Apparently, he doesn’t know that…lol
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
11:21 am
Anything more than a 2-some in a marriage muddles the water.
disco
March 6th, 2013
11:21 am
all of my friends live in different states. we surely don’t have “hang out” type relationships. heck, we can go years without seeing one another. we don’t even talk all of the time. sometimes more frequently, sometimes less. even with extended gaps we catch up quick and fall right back in where we left off. truth be told, I’m cool with the friends I’ve got. most certainly not checking for new friends. I’m good. lol.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
March 6th, 2013
11:24 am
Soooo. disco, I can forget about you being my most recent BFF huh??? LOLOLOLOL
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
11:24 am
Celisea, Thank you.
If you have time to be upset and monitor the time your “friends” have for you then how much of a life do you honestly have? Maybe the problem is you need to get a life like your friend has come up on.
(Not you but you know what I am saying. I am agreeing with you. LOL)
Button
March 6th, 2013
11:25 am
Raqi – I know where you’re coming from and what works for you works for you, It doesn’t mean that everyone else not doing it as you are is wrong either. We don’t live in a monochromatic world. There are so many different ways people maintain a marriage and friendships that lasts a lifetime.
disco
March 6th, 2013
11:25 am
raqi – what was being discussed was married folks pulling away from their friends. that’s what went down. maybe abusive relationships wasn’t the topic but it still tied in to the discussion.
court – hush.
kimmie
March 6th, 2013
11:27 am
even with extended gaps we catch up quick and fall right back in where we left off.
Disco – Same with mine.
Celisea
March 6th, 2013
11:27 am
Raqi – I get it….make sense to me
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
11:27 am
And all the “woe me, my friend is gone” is more evidence that your spouse should be your best friend. You will see them and interact with them everyday. Everyone else falling in their secondary respective places.
disco
March 6th, 2013
11:31 am
raqi – and when a chick is “woe is me, my man is gone.” who she crying to? lol. sorry that one was just to easy. lol. no one person (spouse, parent, child) should ever be somebody’s everything but that’s just my way of thinking.
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
11:33 am
Button, there is a right way and then there is a “MY” way. In a marriage you agree to forsake all others and be joined to that one person. That’s the right way.
However anyone manage to work in the others is fine, but be it known that no one has a place to get their drawers bunch when its time to forsake all others. It’s a vow. A promise.
Dating and courting is one thing, but marriage is whole other entity. Marriage = The non-marriage minded need not apply.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
March 6th, 2013
11:34 am
“no one person (spouse, parent, child) should ever be somebody’s everything ”
^5 (Courtside co-sign)
Bluzgirl
March 6th, 2013
11:35 am
Raqi – to answer your earlier question…she really did just drop her best friend…at first, maybe it was her being preoccupied with her life. After a year of being with this man, though, she just dropped out. Her best friend even moved down here from OH and she hasn’t seen her yet (about 2.5 years). I’m very close to the best friend…
kimmie
March 6th, 2013
11:37 am
Court – My parents were kind of the same. I think where I’ve seen problems come in is when each have a different view of what a relationship and marriage should entail. For example, one of my nieces broke off her engagement. Her now ex saw his parents glued to each other, one did not go anywhere without the other except to work and his mom did not drive. She depended on his dad for everything. Neither had outside friendships or hobbies or anything. As a result, this is how my neices ex thought a normal relationship should be. She on the other had saw her parents marriage more like yours and mine. He got very possessive and would get upset if she even came over to our house and hung out with me & hubs! It was a sign of things to come if she had stayed in that relationship.
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
11:39 am
Disco, yes that is a good comeback.
Don’t get me wrong I am not saying one person should be your everything. I have friends. What I am saying is life decision call for certain inconveniences. When you choose to get married you choose to be one with another person. That person comes first. Not only but first. A misconception of many.
I didn’t make the rules, I am just a player in the game.
Button
March 6th, 2013
11:40 am
Raqi – In a marriage you agree to forsake all others and be joined to that one person.—I agree.
Forsake means to abandon, turn away give up, quit. Now I’m no Bible scholar but I believe this means turning away others for spousal purposes, not friends that you need in life.
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
11:40 am
Raqi, someone who actually believes in that part of the vow. seems when ever I mention that i’m told there are exceptions!!
disco
March 6th, 2013
11:42 am
raqi – I’m not arguing. I said awhile back that I get it. I understand the concept of cleaving. I understand that folks are grown and relationships change. just – and I hate to use the word (lol) – a healthy “balance” is called for.
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
11:42 am
Button, hmmm so that’s what you get from “forsake all others” ??
Button
March 6th, 2013
11:44 am
only person that comes first in my life is Yah!
MsAtl
March 6th, 2013
11:46 am
Disco- I wholeheartedly agree with your statement that one person should not be your everything. I always say that a partner should complement you, not complete you. I am already complete, I don’t need anyone to complete me and I am not interested in half a man.
While married, I was dedicated to my family, but I also had my own interests. For instance, I liked to participate in Habitat for Humanity and other community service. Sometimes I took my children with me. That way they learned to contribute to the community and we also were doing something together. I also had my time where I would meet up with my girlfriends for dinner or something once a month. Your life does not have to stop when you get booed up or married; your priorities just change.
Button
March 6th, 2013
11:47 am
Single – Yep! now you can believe it however YOU choose to believe but for me that’s what I believe. It refers to fidelity. Hence that’s one of the reasons to marry, procreate and fidelity –help mate.
kimmie
March 6th, 2013
11:47 am
The problem is too many folks want to still live the single life after they are married. Some stuff you need to go on and get out of your system and let go before you marry. Otherwise you will always have issues in your relationship. Sure it’s fine to have friends and hobbies and such, but anything that is a detriment to the relationship needs to go. Everything in moderation and in it’s proper place.
Again, it’s really not that hard. If you just can’t bear the thought of not hanging out until 4 in the morning drinking with your buddies every weekend, then please stay single, all of you.
kimmie
March 6th, 2013
11:49 am
Your life does not have to stop when you get booed up or married; your priorities just change.
MsAtl – And there we have it! See folks, not that hard!
Button
March 6th, 2013
11:49 am
Kimmie – you had me until you said driking until 4 am! lol
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
11:49 am
Disco, we cool. LOL And balance I agree with. Without balance I could not be talking to all right now because I have laundry to fold. LOL
Seriously for me though I have learned to try to see everything and structure it the same.
I chose to get knocked up and become a mother. When that cry out pierces my ears at 2am in the morning for whatever reason, heck I wish every time that I could ignore it a not be a mother until 6am but I don’t have that choice. I chose to be a mother.
That is all I am saying. We have to go with the course of life with the decisions we make. Losing sleep to comfort a sick child is the same to me a losing a friend or associate because my decision to be a wife cannot afford it. Certain things are just what happens.
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
11:50 am
Button, cool. you just have to know who you’re marrying and that they feel the same way.
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
11:51 am
“Your life does not have to stop when you get booed up or married; your priorities just change.”
We have winner.
MsAtl, we will now hear you blog award acceptance speech.
Celisea
March 6th, 2013
11:51 am
Are we still talking friendships and bffs? I’m pushing a clingy chick over the cliff….point blank. I’ll get butt cheeks and elbows from folks that take issues with me and my boo getting closer and spending more time. The main ones taking issues with you, are usually nonbooedbffs and mad cause you got stuff going on. Let them get a man! You ain’t gon see nothing but wind.
BBL….when the topic changes