Can you marry your best friend?
Whenever I come across a couple who seem to not only love each other, but like each other, I pay attention. There is something about a couple who are friends and lovers. I don’t know, call me romantic, but these are the couples seem to have a deeper, richer, and more loving connection.
Granted, I don’t really know what goes on in their private lives. Surely they go through the rough patches and manage to weather the storm. I think it helps a lot when you are truly friends. Is it possible to have the love of your life also be your best friend? I think it is! That is the kind of connection I want to have with my future husband.
We usually debate whether or not men and women can be friends. I want to know what you think about your lover becoming your best friend?
Do you consider your significant other your best friend? Do you think there is a deeper connection when there is a genuine friendship in your romantic relationships?
When you go beyond the dating stage and don’t have to impress each other, do you still enjoy being around them? Would you have something in common besides sex?
How does a couple manage to make their lover their friend? Do you start off as friends first?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
390 comments Add your comment
Button
March 6th, 2013
10:01 am
Dan yes he does! HAHAHA just like I appreciate that he has his guy friends to watch sports with and do manly things with that I don’t and won’t have a part of.
Hazel
March 6th, 2013
10:02 am
What I do find hard to do is being bf’s with someone then falling in love. If that person was your type then why didn’t u have “those” types of feelings initially?? I couldn’t be friends with someone that I liked, if he didn’t feel the same way.
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
10:02 am
Disco, no I’m not, but even though I have and attitude problem (LOL) I don’t seem to have a problem making friends.
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
10:06 am
Cracking up. Hello, Purple! thanks Raqi.
Single, would you like to share that day in March (lol)?
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
10:09 am
it’s past, Mar 1 ahhh the sunny memories
kimmie
March 6th, 2013
10:11 am
Hey Purple Olive!!!
Purple Reign
March 6th, 2013
10:12 am
Hi Kimmie! Still cooking and karate chopping?
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
March 6th, 2013
10:14 am
While I completely agree with most of todays sentiments, i have to ask, does this mean that there should be no one else that a person should share the details of their life with except their spouse???
Celisea
March 6th, 2013
10:18 am
I see the topic has fizzled…lol I thought this would go at least two pages….
BBL……
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
10:19 am
Courtside you have to be careful who you share things with, everyone isn’t looking out for you best interest!
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
10:25 am
You know I used to give more credit than is actually due to the statements “He or She has to have that girls/boys night out from the spouse in order to have true happiness or a fulfilled life”. Hogwash. That notion is not true. For us.
While it’s acceptable to take a Saturday fishing trip with the boys or go shopping with the girls, our life as a couple is with each other. Happiness is sought as a couple in the experiences we have and the things we do together.
That time away is not true nor necessary. I can speak on that.
Time spent apart? When he goes to work WITHOUT ME. When I go to the grocery store alone on some weekends WITHOUT HIM. Those hours spent apart is enough.
We are at a point now (and yes age could very well be a factor) where we look forward to having that time outside of our busy lives as breadwinner and homemaker to spend time together with each other.
We still have friends over from time to time and still accept the few and occasion invites from them, but this marriage and raising these kids is our life now. And we are more than happy with this.
Dinner together with the kids and getting them in bed afterwards so we can watch one of our favorite recorded shows while sitting on the couch, or in the tub or in bed together is where it’s at. That’s the connection we share. And it’s happy.
Purple Reign
March 6th, 2013
10:26 am
Courtside, I think the details you share with your best friend or spouse should be unique with them. The best friend or spouse should be the only one getting the “intimate/minute” details of your life.
Ms J~
March 6th, 2013
10:27 am
hold on C!!!!!! lol
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
10:27 am
“Courtside you have to be careful who you share things with, everyone isn’t looking out for you best interest!”
And this ^ is the whole truth. Your mate/spouse will be the one to trust because your interest affects them as well. Bingo.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
March 6th, 2013
10:28 am
Single. I understand that…just not sure if only having one confidant in a persons life is healthy……
Celisea
March 6th, 2013
10:29 am
Heeeeeey Lady, I’m lurking and working
kimmie
March 6th, 2013
10:30 am
Purple – Still cooking, but martial arts on hold for a minute. We’ll get it cranking back up around late spring/summer!
How are Jules and the kiddies?
Ms J~
March 6th, 2013
10:31 am
I am behind and can’t keep up on anything socially right now lol between FB and this blog Iam lost lol anyway carry on~ #lol
Bluzgirl
March 6th, 2013
10:32 am
Morning MIA!
Seems like most of you have already hit on what I would say. I don’t think I’d marry a man that I didn’t consider my best friend. In my previous long term relationships, I considered the men at the time to be my best friends. If you can’t talk to your SO about everything, then why marry him?
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
10:32 am
Court if your marred, would there be things you didn’t want to share with your spouse?
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
March 6th, 2013
10:32 am
And by no means do I advocate blabbing all over town, but I have a best buddy that has been my friend since they moved in next door to my family when we were 4…… Should forgo trusting and confiding in him when / if i should get married???? What kind of person “dismisses” a lifetime of friendship?
Celisea
March 6th, 2013
10:33 am
Lady – No worries, it’s ’bout the same….
Alright, back to lurking, I got stuff I gotta do
MsAtl
March 6th, 2013
10:33 am
Single- that is true; everyone is not looking out for your best interests.
Courtside- I think you can share things with different people; the difference is how much you share and how personal those details are. Different folks serve different functions in your life.
Button
March 6th, 2013
10:34 am
I will never advocate putting friends of any kind above your spouse.
disco
March 6th, 2013
10:36 am
courtside – I actually think a person can get by without having a confidante. some folks are big on sharing every freaking thing. it’s their nature. some folks are more prone to keeping everything to themselves anyway (what I say yesterday – “to the grave” – lol). they don’t necessarily need someone to bounce everything off of.
courtside – a lot of folks forgo a lifetime of friendship. the whole cleave thing. I get it. I’ve had a few friends get married and get ghost. it’s par for the course. of course some of the marriages tanked and those same friends came back but it is what it is.
Bluzgirl
March 6th, 2013
10:36 am
I also feel that you can have several best friends in your life. I have a couple of people that I call my best friends. My future husband will be an additional best friend…
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
10:36 am
Court you don’t dismiss friendships, but you have to be careful, misery loves company.
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
10:37 am
And furthermore, who really gets you and understands you more than your best friend? Why not let that person be your spouse?
Bluzgirl
March 6th, 2013
10:41 am
I’ve also had friends go ghost once they get caught up with a man. It’s a shame to let your good friends go. I have one old friend who not only dropped me, but also dropped her best friend of 18 years all because of her man. I can understand going somewhat ghost in the beginning, but you just have to maintain your closest friendships. What happens when all falls apart and you’ve dropped all of your friends? You have to start over…
Button
March 6th, 2013
10:41 am
I agree Bluzgirl & MsAtl
Purple Reign
March 6th, 2013
10:43 am
Kimmie, everyone is doing well. Mini me is awesome, my daughter is special somehow she runs the show. She has established a dictatorship! Jules is Jules
From a male standpoint childhood friends respect your marriage, but there is always that bond between true male friends. With your spouse I think you should be able to let your gaurd down and share everything. There is nothing a friend should know that your spouse doesn’t, but there should be plenty your spouse knows that your friends don’t. In my humble opinion.
Button
March 6th, 2013
10:43 am
disco – Ive have that happen to me, I welcomed her back with open arms because I understood.
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
10:48 am
Disco, it’s almost like looking in the mirror, (LOL) I’m with you on the “to the grave” thing. to hell with this full disclosure BS!! With most of my friends being women (platonic) I’ve had several get ghost, and come back, just had one contact me after 20 something years.
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
10:48 am
Button/disco ~ I think we all have experienced a friend getting ghost being caught up in the throes of a new relationship. A true friends always comes back to the fold (lol).
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
10:49 am
Purple ~ all little girls run the show! Then they grow up and run the show (lol).
Bluzgirl
March 6th, 2013
10:54 am
Sometimes, though…the friend who goes ghost burns that bridge. Usually, I will take them back, but this one who has let her man dictate her life will not be welcomed back with open arms…
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
10:56 am
Why not bluz? did she doe something wrong to you?
Button
March 6th, 2013
10:56 am
Letter #67 —-My boyfriend and I have been dating for just over two years. I contracted g herps when I was about 20 years old. I am now in my early 40s. I’m divorced, having been with my ex-husband for almost 20 years. He never caught the herps. None of my previous partners, to my knowledge, have contracted herps. My current boyfriend is a virg$in. This is the longest relationship he has ever been in. He had never had chex of any kind before me. I perform mouth chex on him, but due to my herps, he will not reciprocate. While he has gotten better about touching me, he does still thoroughly scrub his hands afterward. It makes me feel like he should be wearing a hazmat suit before coming near me. We have talked about this. While I feel his fear is irrational (I have not had an outbreak since I was in my early 20s) he feels it’s founded. I’ve offered to go on suppression therapy, and of course use rubber, but to no avail. Am I to be selibate for the rest of my life if we remain together? I need some help in finding a new way to discuss this with him. He is a great guy—kind, sweet, loving in every other way.
kimmie
March 6th, 2013
10:57 am
My true friends have stood the test of time. We’ve been there for each other thru school, marriage, divorce, death, kids, no kids, sickness, legal troubles, moves to other states and other countries. You name it. They ebb and flow, no we don’t hang out like we used to because life happens, but they are my sisters. My friendship with them is different than that with my hubs, in different ways, not bad, I don’t shut one out for the other, just different. I don’t see the issue in that. I don’t have to define my level of friendship or what I tell one and not the other, etc. We’ve so moved beyond all that. We respect each other’s relationships and life choices and don’t interfere.
Yes, I’m one that needs that time to myself and with my girls from time to time. And there is not much really going on in my life I confide to hubs about that I can’t talk to the girls about too if I choose. Like some stuff unique to my family I tell hubs about but I might go more in detail with to my girls because they have known me longer and are like part of my family themselves. Nothing disrespectul or anything, just they are aware of more background info. Even that is not much, and most is stuff I wouldn’t have a problem talking about here – I just know nobody really cares!!LOL!!
It’s all not that hard, really.
disco
March 6th, 2013
10:58 am
purple – not to be all contrary (but it’s my nature) I’m sure there are plenty of friends who know the dirt that the spouse doesn’t know. it’s the nature of the beast.
button – I welcomed my girl back but I still talked about her like a dog. she knew the fool she was marrying wasn’t worth the spit it took to cuss him. just gone play me for him. lol.
bluz – I’m with you. there’s a few acquaintance type chicks that got ghost. as far as I’m concerned they can stay ghost. my friends, though, are like family. they can always get back in no matter what.
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
11:00 am
Bluzgirl, my friends and I only lost one close friend in us all getting married. She chose to dismiss herself from the circle because our time as wives took priority over girl time.
As adults, especially married, all that hanging out with friends is a time of the past. Okay, yeah, get together for a birthday or whatever but that should be the most of that.
Adult lives just do not have place for all that “hanging out together”. Responsibilities if nothing else takes a toll on the time in any given day to not be running in packs like when we were teenagers.
If a so called friend cannot get with you having a committed relationship and a best-mate-friend outside of them, then how much for your happiness is that friend? And better yet, if a person cannot let go of that teenage type of friendship to give the necessary time and effort to a relationship, especially marriage, that person is not ready for a relationship. And definitely does not need to be getting married.
Celisea
March 6th, 2013
11:00 am
Candid camera…again? Someone knows of someone having herpes and will allow oral performed, but with everything else and at all other times, he treats her like she’s got the bubonic plague???
This sounds like a Steve Harvey Letter
Purple Reign
March 6th, 2013
11:01 am
Wow, well he likes the girl enough to still entertain her and not leave because she has herpes. She should continue to work through it with him. If they become best friends and make the life long commitment of marriage he might as well go all in and get her herpes too. That’s a zinger a virgins first sexual partner has herpes.
Bluzgirl
March 6th, 2013
11:01 am
S/H – It’s just the way she has acted the past three years…she just dropped me when I did nothing to her. I tried to maintain the friendship. I understand when a relationship is new, you tend to drop your friends a bit. The worst part was her dropping her best friend of 18 years for no reason. She has let this man control her. She won’t even talk on the phone to anyone when he is home (they live together). It’s just crazy and it really did hurt me when she dropped me like I didn’t matter…
Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality
March 6th, 2013
11:01 am
’m with you. there’s a few acquaintance type chicks that got ghost. as far as I’m concerned they can stay ghost Now these kind you don’t even notice they got ghost until they come back (LOL)
Purple Reign
March 6th, 2013
11:03 am
disco, of course that’s part of the “bond” some stuff should be kept in the dark and the spouse never needs to find out. But those past things, that happened before the spouse came along should be in the past. Except for herpes, that stuff never stays in the past. LOL
Raqi
March 6th, 2013
11:03 am
“We respect each other’s relationships and life choices and don’t interfere.”
Kimmie, EXACTLY! Anybody crying over their friend not being available to spend time with them because they are off busy being a spouse and parent needs to grow the heck up.
disco
March 6th, 2013
11:04 am
raqi – point taken. I get it. I understand. I agree. thing is, every marriage isn’t fairy tale. every husband/wife isn’t grand. some folks get into abusive relationships and then cut everyone off. it’s not a good look. your relationship with friends and family may change when you get married but I don’t think it’s wise to shut them out completely the way some people tend to do.
Leggs
March 6th, 2013
11:04 am
While I feel his fear is irrational – G herpes and she thinks it’s irrational for him not to go there. Outbreak or no outbreak, hell, he probably feels he’ll activate something.
Perhaps I didn’t get enough sleep last night, but is she saying “selibate” [sic] in that he never plans on losing his virginity while with her. He’s ejaculated, had a woman’s mouth on him, he’s not virgin (lol) Only thing is he hasn’t been inside a woman. Sounds like she needs to find a more understanding mate.
Purple Reign
March 6th, 2013
11:05 am
Bluz, did you reach out to her and tell her how it hurt you? If not you should and see what happens, maybe you guys can still be friends maybe not. Sometimes a person is not being dictated by their spouse they are just being committed to their spouse and their new life. Sometimes that life doesnt have room for the level of outside friendships that were once there.