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Can you marry your best friend?

Whenever I come across a couple who seem to not only love each other, but like each other, I pay attention. There is something about a couple who are friends and lovers. I don’t know, call me romantic, but these are the couples seem to have a deeper, richer, and more loving connection.

Granted, I don’t really know what goes on in their private lives. Surely they go through the rough patches and manage to weather the storm. I think it helps a lot when you are truly friends. Is it possible to have the love of your life also be your best friend? I think it is! That is the kind of connection I want to have with my future husband.

We usually debate whether or not men and women can be friends. I want to know what you think about your lover becoming your best friend?

Do you consider your significant other your best friend? Do you think there is a deeper connection when there is a genuine friendship in your romantic relationships?

When you go beyond the dating stage and don’t have to impress each other, do you still enjoy being around them? Would you have something in common besides sex?

How does a couple manage to make their lover their friend? Do you start off as friends first?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

390 comments Add your comment

Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality

March 6th, 2013
7:42 am

How does a couple manage to make their lover their friend? Do you start off as friends first? You should always start off as friends first

When you go beyond the dating stage and don’t have to impress each other, do you still enjoy being around them? I don’t believe in trying to impress someone. If you can’t do the simple things on dates, like go to McDonald’s for lunch, or a chain restaurant for dinner. Friends don’t have to be creative to enjoy each others company!

MissMoni

March 6th, 2013
8:00 am

GOOD Wednesday Morning MIA!!!

-Single & Happy I totally agree that you should always start off as friends first.

Friendship is very important and you have to decide if you want to risk your friendship to have a romantic relationship. I always find it interesting to know the background story of people who have a best friend of the opposite sex and both of them are single.

Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality

March 6th, 2013
8:13 am

Oh hello MIA

MissMoni, my best friend is a woman, we’ve been friend for over 30 years, never anything out of the ordinary.

MissMoni

March 6th, 2013
8:22 am

-Single & Happy So is your best friend currently single as well?

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

March 6th, 2013
8:27 am

As with the conversation on ‘dating while broke’, the places you go with your friends (of the same or opposite sex) never truly matters. We all have stories of ‘hole in the walls’ where we had the greatest time because of the company we kept at the time.

That’s the ideal. To find someoe in whose company you are comfortable, honest (with yourself and them), relaxed, feel no pressure to front; and with whom you have a baseline of communication and affection.

It’s that ‘like’ that will get you through those dreary Wednesday nights at home, or the argument about the proper way to put the toilet tissue on the roll.

As for dating your friend, why wouldn’t you? The logic of dating a stranger with whom you have to form a connection is exhausting.

Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality

March 6th, 2013
8:29 am

MissMoni, yes she is

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

March 6th, 2013
8:43 am

Morning Good people!!! Damn. its cold out there!!!! ;)

I could not see myself being in marriage with a person that I did not consider my best friend…..I have a friend that I know will one day be my wife, not because of what we do together, but because we can chill and not do anything…. When its like that, its hard to not be right….

Raqi

March 6th, 2013
8:44 am

Great topic Wise Diva. It should be no other way. From what I have witnessed and am in the continuing process of learning, being the “best friend” with your mate is the recipe for a happy, successful, lasting relationship.

Think about it. This is the person you are sharing absolutely everything with. Your life, your home, your money, your bed, your body and your shared legal responsibilities. What else is there left to give? How much deeper of a connection can there be? How can you give one person all of this but then take your alliance and give IT to someone else?

Raqi

March 6th, 2013
8:44 am

Friendship is the experience where we can be our freest and happiest self. Friendship is the place where we seek comfort, reassurance and security. Why deny the one you have committed your life to that experience and place?

Raqi

March 6th, 2013
8:46 am

Not many romantic relationships start out as being real friends first however that’s the goal that should be sought once marriage has been added into the mix. The closer you get and the longer you are together the scale to start to tilt in favor of your spouse being your BEST.

Raqi

March 6th, 2013
8:47 am

Personally it’s wonderful having our own little secrets and world that is safeguarded from everyone else. It’s delightful exchanging those “inside jokes” glances and smirks while among friends that they are dying to be let in on but don’t.

Raqi

March 6th, 2013
8:52 am

Just hanging out at the house on a Saturday afternoon doing a whole bunch of nothing sharing a grilled cheese ham sandwich and some carrot sticks watching countless recorded Faceoff episodes without the burden of forced “profound” conversations is how my best friend and I get down. I like it, I love it, I want some more of it.

Raqi

March 6th, 2013
8:54 am

“Can you marry your best friend?”

You should. Or get there eventually.

That’s all. Good day.

Exiled

March 6th, 2013
8:56 am

A Raqi fest today?

Hello Raqi…
In DC,snowy and in bed….

Hey MIA!

Button

March 6th, 2013
9:10 am

Good morning! I want to know what you think about your lover becoming your best friend? while both take time to cultivate I agree that lovers should be friends, esp if you’re headed toward marriage. My thing is losing that friend when the relationship ends. then he becomes my enemy! oh how the tables can turn.

Leggs

March 6th, 2013
9:11 am

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MS. RAQI♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

Leggs

March 6th, 2013
9:12 am

As far as marrying your best friend, that’s the best way to start off. It’s wonderful to love your mate, but it’s even more delightful if you like your mate.

Good freaking NY Gloves wearing morning!!!

Button

March 6th, 2013
9:15 am

Even though my man is my friend, he’s not my bestie, nope he’s not. My bestie is my homegirl, we are like two peas in a pod. There are things I can talk to my girl about that my guy either don’t want to talk about or have no clue what I’m talking about. lol

Ms J~

March 6th, 2013
9:16 am

Dan good post!

Raqi

March 6th, 2013
9:28 am

“To find someoe in whose company you are comfortable, honest (with yourself and them), relaxed, feel no pressure to front; and with whom you have a baseline of communication and affection”

Dan, EXACTLY.

Raqi

March 6th, 2013
9:29 am

LOL Leggs. You are a month early. But thanks anyway. I will remember your beautiful serenade next month.

You are correct about the love and like. I remember the day I heard the words “love got me to make a home with you, but like keeps me coming home day after day”

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

March 6th, 2013
9:30 am

@Button

Aaaand that’s a problem. If you can’t find a way to explain (good or bad) issues with your man, but talk about them constantly with your ‘bestie’, I predict that you and your ‘bestie’ will be talking about relationship problem for a long time to come, but about different people.

That’s the thing about liking the person you’re with, the fact that you *want* them to understand where you’re coming from, what’s on your heart, and how you feel about certain things. I would suppose, Button, that is one of the foundations of your relationship with your ‘bestie’. Why not take the time to try and build that with your man, who, as Raqi stated, you’re sharing your body with?

It strikes me as odd that people (not you Button, speaking in general terms) can really wonder why their intimate relationship with their SO is not going well, all the while sharing details and insights with a friend, but not their SO?

It’s like talking to your butcher about your car issues, and talking to your mechanic about your butcher.

Celisea

March 6th, 2013
9:35 am

Why would you do anything otherwise? I’ve never been married, but I have yet to date someone I NOT super super cool with. I gotta be able to laugh it up, mesh, jive, have much much more going on other than sex, etc. For me, being friends over and above all else is a requirement.

I told y’all I met Mr Current at an event. We talked, chilled, kicked back, had laughs, etc etc etc, well before I decided to get off the pot. A cool cat. Whever embarking on something new or with someone new, for me, part of not hitting the sheets say day one is the effort to see “what all you got going on.” Can we mesh, are you trustworthy, do you project in action, the man you project at face value. I know I’ve gotten beat up on here a lot (not really), on the issue of not having sex too soon. Becoming friends first, for me, is a good reason why. I wouldn’t have it any other way :)

Raqi

March 6th, 2013
9:39 am

Celisea, and from experience it should never be any other way.

Button

March 6th, 2013
9:42 am

Dan I feel that you’re not getting where I’m coming from, my bestie have been in my life for years through things that my guy have never been through with me and probably never will at this point in my life. All I’m saying is yes my guy is my friend and I do share with him things other than my body, we have a growing relationship that is culitvating which will one day hopefully lead to marriage. I can’t deny that he’s my friend but I have to be real and say that he’s not my bestie at least not right now. We are still growing. Now had I still been married to my last husband then yes I can say that he would’ve been my best of all friend but there lies a thin line between my hsuband and my bestie. one I share my world with and one that I can watch my girlie shows with, go shopping with or have girls night out with and the list goes on that I can do with my girl that my man can’t or won’t understand. I still have my own identity although I’m coupled.

Celisea

March 6th, 2013
9:42 am

Raqi – That’s all I know, when it comes to relationships. Outside of the kid’s dad (y’all just have to accept me using him as the gauge for all the things you should NEVER do), I wouldn’t waste my time being with someone where all we had in common was sex. Outside of that, can’t talk, can’t get along, don’t share, won’t bend, won’t give….nuh uh. I’m tired typing this…lol Two individuals should be able to laugh and tease, have fun, joke, talk to not at each other, so forth and so on. Shoot, I don’t want the intimate part if I don’t have the other. You may as well be FWB…lol

Celisea

March 6th, 2013
9:43 am

Wait…I take that back, FWB are at least friends (from what I hear..never had one of those…lol). I would say may as well be FB!!

disco

March 6th, 2013
9:46 am

good morning.

s/h – you should always start off as friends first. not disagreeing just saying good luck with that. be honest. do you know how hard it is to make new friends once you reach a certain age? who among us has new friends? my newest friend (male or female) goes back nearly 15 years. ijs.

Raqi

March 6th, 2013
9:48 am

Dan, you are right. In having sex with someone you are giving all of yourself. That is if you are looking to enjoy it, let me add. But the experience of sexual getoffness is the only experience that I know of where every muscle, nerve and unit of your entire being is overtaken in giving. (I hear only a relationship with God is greater. But that’s not a topic for this site.)

How can you have that experience with someone and then say that you cannot give THAT person the effort and privilege of being your best friend? That’s some crazy logic in my mind.

abc

March 6th, 2013
9:49 am

My wife and I are examples of married best friends. We don’t really have rough patches. Having been married previously, I’d recommend this: if you’re not best friends, don’t get married.

Button

March 6th, 2013
9:50 am

It take a lot my than just chilling to culivate a true friendship, heck I can chill back with any ol body but that doesn’t equate to being friends.

Leggs

March 6th, 2013
9:50 am

Dang, Raqi, I’m a month early. How I mess that one up (lol). Administrative skills on the decline!

“love got me to make a home with you, but like keeps me coming home day after day”

That’s what I’m saying, and I can only imagine how much that warmed your heart when he said it.

kimmie

March 6th, 2013
9:50 am

Good Chilly Morning All!!!

Hey there Raqita!!! :)

I cannot see being married to someone I did not “like” and consider a friend! While hubs and I did not start out as friends, I think the friendship developed right along with the romantic relationship. So it seems we’ve always had this certain comfort level with each other. We can talk about everything or nothing. It’s really the best. Unless he were to snap and do something really lowdown, even if we broke up I don’t see us not being friends.

Yes, having that “like” for each other is absolutely vital to a marriage I think. My mom used to tell me that was important and as I got older, I understood exactly what she was talking about. I was in one relationship with a man where we had mad physical chemistry, but thinking back, I just did not like him as a person. It was the first and only time I’ve been in such a situation and I vowed never to repeat it.

Button

March 6th, 2013
9:50 am

meant : a lot more than…..

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

March 6th, 2013
9:50 am

@Button

My apologies if I misunderstood and/or pontificated based on an incorrect assumption.

I’m sure your man appreciates not having to watch girlie shows or go shopping, and appreciates your friend for beig there to share those experiences with you.

Celisea

March 6th, 2013
9:51 am

(I hear only a relationship with God is greater. But that’s not a topic for this site.)

Raqi, I’m surprised to hear you type this. That was the one thing I always admired about your blog persona….your belief in God, your church attendance (that you frequently mentioned), your belief in following the good book’s outline for marriage and life. No biggie, just surprised to hear you say this….

Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality

March 6th, 2013
9:52 am

Disco, when you have hobbies it’s easy to make new friends. now cultivating the friendship is another issue.

disco

March 6th, 2013
9:53 am

courtside – you bout to get all mushy on us again?

raqi – your 8:46 is what I meant when I said good luck with that. lol. we might be cool and get along well but friends? that’s different. we’re no longer kids who claim anyone that plays with us is our new friend.

Leggs

March 6th, 2013
9:53 am

Raqi, not sure how I did a double entry, but I have your bday as 4/3. Is this correct?

kimmie

March 6th, 2013
9:55 am

I still have my own identity although I’m coupled.

Button – I feel you on this. Observing a few couples around me from the outside looking in, it’s a problem when either completely loses their own identity.

MsAtl

March 6th, 2013
9:55 am

Morning All!

My SO does not have to be my “best” friend, but he sure has to be a friend. I have to feel comfortable with him and trust him. You should like your SO as a person outside of the intimate relationship. I can honestly say that when I left my marriage, I did not like my ex as a person and it had nothing to do with the relationship ending; it had to do with me really looking at him as a person. The next man I dated was a friend first before we began dating and I liked him as a person. It really made a difference.
Raqi- I like your love and like comment.

disco

March 6th, 2013
9:56 am

s/h – lol. you must be the person who claims to be friends with everyone who plays with you. lol.

Raqi

March 6th, 2013
9:56 am

LOL Celisea. My dad taught and still teach me that a relationship with God can never be matched.
He also taught and still teach me that a marriage conducted within the rules set forth by God cannot fail.

Just looking at his life gives me no reason to doubt what he teaches.

But anyhoo, yeah, I love the Lord. And my dad.

Button

March 6th, 2013
9:57 am

Dan when I was married my husband was my best friend, of course no questions asked. maybe I categorize friendship. There’s my late husband who was my best friend and my bff.

Raqi

March 6th, 2013
9:57 am

Raqi, obey the marriage! Words that ring loud and clear in my head.

Purple Reign

March 6th, 2013
9:57 am

Can you marry your best friend? Yes you can and should.

I was told that today was Raqi’s birthday. Came in to tell Raqi Happy Birthday, but obviously someone had her dates confused. LOL Oh, Hello Leggs :)

Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality

March 6th, 2013
9:58 am

Leggs, it’s March my bday :-D

Celisea

March 6th, 2013
9:58 am

Raqi – Gotcha

Raqi

March 6th, 2013
9:59 am

Hello Kimmie.

Yes Leggs.

Hazel

March 6th, 2013
10:01 am

yes and yes. Infact, your marriage will last if you are friends with your spouse before lovers. When you are friends, you are going to have that bond which is deeper than love. Friends + lovers = Great marriage