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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
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You’re guilty, should you confess?

There are times when people slip up and make a mistake. One really bad decision and suddenly you have to decide whether or not you should confess what you did. Would you want to know if the person you had been seeing for months hooked up with their ex?

I would want to know and I want to believe that if I messed up, I would confess. Would you confess your indiscretions? If you want the relationship to have a shot, is it best to come clean and deal with the fall out?

Have you ever decided to confess about cheating and it actually helped your relationship in the long-run?

If you decided not to confess, would you be able to live with the guilt of your infidelity?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

255 comments Add your comment

Single & Happy it was hard to get back to the cold reality

March 5th, 2013
6:02 am

Hey MIA

It aint cheating if you don’t get caught!!

If you decided not to confess, would you be able to live with the guilt of your infidelity? What guilt?? Since I haven’t promised to “love honor and cherish anyone until death do us part” there isn’t any guilt there.

Alberta

March 5th, 2013
8:20 am

“Have you ever decided to confess about cheating and it actually helped your relationship in the long run?”

Are you serious? I could just envision that conversation: “Oh Quantavius, I realize you’re always going to be an untrustworthy, lying sack of %$#@&, but I still love you anyway, Boo. C’mere, ya big lug, and give me a kiss.”

Someone in their 30s or 40s who STILL lies deserves to be single.

Hazel

March 5th, 2013
8:34 am

I would want my man to be honest with me and fess up! But as far as not telling effecting them, well it all depends on how the person is morally. And for confessing, I can see how that would help a relationship as the partner can see the potential in the person who is being honest. We are not perfect and S*&% happens.

Celisea

March 5th, 2013
8:40 am

I’ve NEVER been intimate with another while “booed” up. But I’ve lined up prospects when folks though they were the be all to end all and wanted to hand me their butt to kiss on a platter….NOT!!! Now, did I reveal prospects and line-ups? Why certainly not! I’m not crazy…lol Of course all in my younger days. Would I cheat? Absolutely not. It’s not me nor my character. Will I walk if I’m not happy? For dang sure, with no quams about it. I wouldn’t even think twice to leave if I’m not happy. I just don’t see any good relationship being worth the risk and I don’t see any bad relationship worth staying.

Off topic: I think that bed is out. I look and asked around (furniture store folks/carriers/buyers). Some gave good reviews and some didn’t. Mainly all good, but Imma stick to what I know….quality.

Celisea

March 5th, 2013
8:42 am

I do think though, if you’re married everything should be on the table. That’s just me though. I wonder though, how can you REEAAAALLY consider it a marriage when there are secrets and stuff hanging around….again, just my lil ole opinion :)

MissMoni

March 5th, 2013
9:03 am

Have you ever decided to confess about cheating and it actually helped your relationship in the long-run?

*Rewind 11 years* I confessed ONLY because I got caught and my conscious was eating away at me. It actually did help the relationship (because it taught me alot about myself) and he forgave me and all was well until I found out I was pregnant. . .

From personal experience treat the person how you want to be treated. Knowing that I hurt someone the way I did was very hurtful for me and I never want to ever make someone feel like that again. Confession is good for the soul.

Celisea

March 5th, 2013
9:05 am

As the good book says….THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!!!

MissMoni

March 5th, 2013
9:06 am

Oh yeah, GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!! :-)

Button

March 5th, 2013
9:10 am

There are times when people slip up and make a mistake. True. Temptation is all around us.
Would you want to know if the person you had been seeing for months hooked up with their ex? Yes, my ex called me Friday night. I didn’t recognise the number so I let it go to voicemail. Later I checked my voicemail and it was him. I called him back to see what he wanted since we were on friendly terms I didn’t see anything wrong with calling him back to see what’s up. Then he did it, said that he was thinking about me and wanted to get back together. well I shut him down with the quickness telling him that I am engaged and unless he was willing to meet me and my beau for dinner it wasn’t happening. I guess he thought he could just pop back into my life and I’d be all open arms accepting him back. HA! As for telling the beau about the call I choose not to. I feel as if I handled it . And why bother him with this silly mess of an ex popping back up. I would feel the same way if it were him with an ex calling and feel confident that he handled it the same way.

When it comes to cheating, I think it’s best to tell if you’ve done it. Suffer the consequences but tell!

Good morning!

Button

March 5th, 2013
9:13 am

Then another thing, cheating doesn’t always entail the physical, what about emotional cheating? do you tell when you are emotionally cheating with another?

SlimNu

March 5th, 2013
9:14 am

MissMoni – I’m confused just a little….if you got caught, what was there to ‘confess’? Or did you just give up more details about what you got caught doing??

Bluzgirl

March 5th, 2013
9:14 am

Morning all!

When you decide to confess, you really need to think about why you are confessing. Is it because the guilt is just taking over and you have to get it off your chest…because you feel the other person needs to know about your betrayal…because you truly love your SO and made a huge mistake…

The reason I say all of this is because I cheated waaaayyyyy in the past and I never confessed. Mainly because I knew that we wouldn’t be together forever and it would crush him. If I had confessed, it would have only been to relieve my guilt. I can’t even begin to think how he would have taken it because he loved me so much. That was the first and last time I ever cheated. I never want to do that someone again…even if they don’t know I’m doing it to them…

MissMoni

March 5th, 2013
9:15 am

-Button It must be the season of the ex, because a former ex (who is now married) did the same thing and likewise I had to shut him down. Emotional cheating is real and valid and in my opinion that’s how the physical cheating begins.

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

March 5th, 2013
9:23 am

WOW….. Good Morning ladies :)

Ok..two things….. First, If you are the cheating type, then most likely, you are not the confessing type. Second, If your conscious can take creeping, then you can for sure be OK with keepinga secret. Now this is not to say secrets are good for a relationship, but sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing at all………

kimmie

March 5th, 2013
9:24 am

Morning All!!

Yeah, ish happens, I get that, but the best way to deal with situations like this is to avoid them in the first place. You know when you are putting yourself in a compromising position, where you feel if the circumstances are right, you could not resist the temptation. Most ish peaople bring on themselves.

As for confessing helping the relationship, in my experience it didn’t. An ex of mine confessed an indiscretion and forever after that it was the pink elephant in the room. I tried to get past it but could not. Things were never the same after that and finally I ended it. I just saw him as incredibly weak person after that that lacked self control. It was not like he was in a situation where some supermodel pushed up on him naked and he was tipsy and just couldn’t help himself. It was a situation he had control over and allowed to happen. This confessing to clear ones conscience but hurts the other, I don’t know, something just doesn’t feel right about that either.

Of course, when you marry, all bets are off. The best way to prevent the likelyhood of mess is not to tolerate it from the start – have an open, honest atmosphere that is non-evasive and non-secretive. Don’t allow even the appearance of mess. Have some character about yourself and don’t go visiting your exes house “just to have lunch and shoot the breeze”. Yeah, right!!

Leggs

March 5th, 2013
9:29 am

“Would you want to know if the person you had been seeing for months hooked up with their ex?” – Yes, I would want to know so I have a valid reason to say bye bye.

If you’re having indiscretions, you don’t need to be in a relationship. Remain footloose and fancy free (?)

Celisea

March 5th, 2013
9:33 am

For me, confess to God…he’s the only judge and abandon that kind of behavior. I believe he’ll wipe the slate clean….again, if it’s something you won’t revisit. Now, confess to God and keep on? He’s gonna oust you.

I’ll say it again, I think if it’s been a way of life or lifestyle and your SO was just too dang slow to pick up on it (cause trust there’s the gut and there are signs, I think you should put everything on the table. IMO, if it’s an indiscretion that happened say once, you lost your head and recovered, knowing and keeping with never doing that again, I wouldn’t say tell.

Leggs

March 5th, 2013
9:33 am

Good morning!

Button

March 5th, 2013
9:34 am

throwing a bone — unless you’re married why confess? I mean really, you’ve made no vows to this person. Let your morals be your conscience. .

abc

March 5th, 2013
9:36 am

No contact with exes, period, it goes both ways. Neither of us would tolerate cheating. If it happened, it’d be the end. Period. Trust is necessary, and to violate it is to burn down the house.

Leggs

March 5th, 2013
9:36 am

Would you want to know if the person you had been seeing for months hooked up with their ex?

SlimNu

March 5th, 2013
9:38 am

kimmie – You’re absolutely right….the best way to go forward is to not put yourself in situations that could lead to an indiscretion happening…a married guy friend of mine told me whenever he feels himself craving some ‘new meat’ or feeling tempted, he talks to his wife about it. That takes away the secrecy and excitement some folks get from cheating on their partner. He says it really does help him to remain faithful. Now of course it takes a strong secure woman to be able to hear these things and not want to choke him out…but sometimes making an environment a man can be comfy confiding in you is the key. If you want to jump down his throat every time he tells you something, eventually he won’t tell you anything.

abc

March 5th, 2013
9:38 am

And, if there’s no hidden communications, then there’s no sneaking around either — that goes both ways, too.

Leggs

March 5th, 2013
9:48 am

I didn’t post that (9:36)

Celisea

March 5th, 2013
9:49 am

Should you still have cravings and a wondering eye if you’re married??? Shouldn’t you be disciplined after a while and at some point? I think this is what Will and Jada does. I take issues though with my boo, if he’s constantly fighting an insatiable appetite. If I can keep it down, keep the eyes still, keep the groin in check, I would expect the same in return. Don’t get me wrong, I understand (well not really) men are men, but I think after awhile, if you’re married, you should mentally, physically and emotionally settle into that.

Of course just my humble opinion.

BBL……

disco

March 5th, 2013
9:50 am

good morning. confess? really? what idiot does that? to the grave, man. to the grave. lol.

Alberta – everyone lies. well, to be on the safe side and avoid debate, ALMOST everyone lies.

celisea – the truth will set you free but it will likely mess you up before it sets you free.

button – you handled it until dude doesn’t go away. until dude starts telling your man that you all have been “conversating”. until man starts asking if you have indeed talked to him and you say “um. well. yeah. you see. but what had happened was”. lol.

MissMoni

March 5th, 2013
9:52 am

-disco LOL at “to the grave man”!

Celisea

March 5th, 2013
9:54 am

disco – celisea – the truth will set you free but it will likely mess you up before it sets you free

Not really. It’s before God…not people. He’ll handle them, if you deal with your indiscretions and infidelities in a rightful manner.

That sounded churchy huh? :) lolol

disco

March 5th, 2013
9:59 am

i haven’t seen much about trust (yet – I’m still catching up though) but I will say that a lot of times the ones who are trusted are doing the most dirt because the party at home simply never suspects. this is why I usually laugh when some chick is going on and on and on about how she knows her man would never cheat. whatever chick. glad you know so much. lol.

C – we are used to your churchy ways. lol. I know but I’m not talking about God. I’m talking about people. going around confessing to folks if you want to. I don’t think they’ll just automatically say well God forgives you so I do too. that would make life grand and all but it usually doesn’t go down like that.

Button

March 5th, 2013
9:59 am

Temptation is ALWAYS going to be around..hence lead us not into temptation!
I TRUST no man! I only HOPE he will do right by me and I by him!

Button

March 5th, 2013
10:01 am

disco – that’s why I cut the head off the snake right while it started to hiss lol

Celisea

March 5th, 2013
10:06 am

this is why I usually laugh when some chick is going on and on and on about how she knows her man would never cheat.

Cosign…..

Disco – I know but I’m not talking about God. I’m talking about people. going around confessing to folks if you want to. I don’t think they’ll just automatically say well God forgives you so I do too. that would make life grand and all but it usually doesn’t go down like that.

I agree. But it all still goes together. You gotta be “churchy” per se, to understand this whole concept. Heck yeah, folks getting hurt, emotions, upset are all real. Naw, ain’t nobody gonna pat you on the back and say “attaboy/gir” for confessing. What I mean though, is that in the long run or the long of it, I just believe things work out. God works on people and in your favor when your intent is to do right/go right. He ain’t never said turning to “do right” will erase all consequence and backlash, he does though have the ability to move on folks heart towards forgiveness and letting go.

Of course I just believe in the power of good over evil and right(ing) thngs over wrong, etc etc etc. The good book would’t instruct in the way of “right”, if there weren’t any benefits.

Okay, I’m done on this. :)

disco

March 5th, 2013
10:09 am

C – now I just laughed because you have a history of being done but not being done. lol. I hope you are done. you know “churchy” can suck the fun out of stuff.

Celisea

March 5th, 2013
10:12 am

disco – I’m done with the churchy stuff…for real. You kind of took me there….sort of…lol

Celisea

March 5th, 2013
10:13 am

I do agree though and too laugh at women that just KNOW they’re man ain’t cheating or won’t cheat. Ha!! Shoooot, don’t put nothing past nobody, not even yourself. And by that I mean, none of us are immune to falling, so to be safe, keep away. Ain’t but so many times you can hang around or onto the edge before falling in.

SlimNu

March 5th, 2013
10:14 am

Should you still have cravings and a wondering eye if you’re married???

Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean your attraction to others just goes away.

kimmie

March 5th, 2013
10:16 am

I trust to differing levels and until you give me a reason not to. I wouldn’t go around bragging to folks about what an angel my man is. I have a level of trust for him that is maybe just below that I have for my grandmother and one of my aunts. That’s pretty high. But nobody is perfect. What I don’t want is an atmosphere where I feel I have to check up behind him and second -guess what he says and does. I just don’t have the time and energy for that, never have with anyone. If I wanted to go thru his phone I could – he leaves it right out in the open, and the same with everything else. We just don’t have that mess going on. If he feels he can do better somewhere else, by all means go. I’m a sharp chick, it wouldn’t take that much for me to smell a rat. If I do, I’ll deal with it in my house, not take it to the streets. Deal with it and move on, but I’m not stressing.

disco

March 5th, 2013
10:22 am

C – okay. I’m going to have to “trust” that you mean what you say and say what you mean.

hey kimmie. I joke that folks on diets can’t trust themselves not to eat a cookie here or there. trust is a bad boy and I think some folks put it on a pedestal. they trust more because they want to than because they really do.

kimmie

March 5th, 2013
10:25 am

Hey Disco!!

Like I said yesterday, not running up behind no man – not to get him or to keep him. I’ve been accused before of being almost a little aloof, but okay. I trust you till I feel I shouldn’t.

Leggs

March 5th, 2013
10:25 am

Exactly SlimNu ~ just because one’s married doesn’t stop the emotions. All it should do is curb it enough not to act on them. You can no longer fugg all willy nilly different women or men (lol). You gave your hand and heart to one mate for the rest of your life (hopefully).

SlimNu

March 5th, 2013
10:33 am

I can tell you one thing, it shole doesn’t feel good to be on the end of having had your mate mess around on you.

disco

March 5th, 2013
10:34 am

random – I don’t generally watch cooking shows so much as eating shows but this morning the tv was on g. garvin’s show and they were making peach cobbler. I cannot deny that I have been thinking about peach cobbler all morning long. you would think that I’d know one place to go to get a decent piece but I don’t. hopefully this jones will be off of me before the weekend.

Celisea

March 5th, 2013
10:34 am

It’s one thing to see an attractive person and can acknowledge, it’s another to craving and jones for someone. Naw, that ain’t acceptable. More than likely Imma snap if you come telling me you feel some kind of way about another. Nuh uh. Let me walk up to my boo and tell him….” You know, I wanna bone my coworker, but since we’re together I guess I won’t or better now. Whew buddy, I feel so much better for tell you that.” Umm, yeah that will go over real well….lolololol I wish he would come tell me he’s feeling some kind of way about another. IMO, that’s disrespectful. Again and IMO, nothing wrong with seeing and acknowledging another person’s attractiveness or even a slight passing attraction, but to tell me about something means you’ve entertained and thought and wish. Those are things you have control over. Get up, knit a sweater, take a jog, plant a garden, stay busy until it passes. Eventually it will go away.

Celisea

March 5th, 2013
10:36 am

excuse my typos…lol

Leggs

March 5th, 2013
10:43 am

disco ~ when you come to Atlanta, let me know, I’ll make you one ($22.99) The person who taught me how to make it says mine is better than hers. Now, that’s a compliment!

disco

March 5th, 2013
10:46 am

leggs – that’s why I said I hope the jones goes away by the weekend. to keep me from breaking down and making one. you know if I make one, in essence, I’ll ultimately eat the whole thing. that’s so not a good look.

and leggs – $22.99. good lawd that’s a lot of mone. lol.

SlimNu

March 5th, 2013
10:49 am

disco – That’s one dessert I can make from scratch but I rarely do it…Rolling out your own crust is a sonofabiya lol I’m not sure if they have a This Is It where you are but they make a decent cobbler ;-)

Leggs

March 5th, 2013
10:51 am

:lol: :lol: It’s the price that popped in my head. Chile, making a cobbler from scratch is messy and time consuming. Plus, all the love I put in it makes it all worthwhile (lol).

“Rolling out your own crust is a sonofabiya” – Exactly my point!

SlimNu

March 5th, 2013
10:51 am

Celisea – Was just sharing with the group what a married guy I know says works for him. He’s had issues with being faithful in the past and in his last marriage and he is striving to not be the ‘old him’ in this marriage. If communicating these things to his wife works for them and she is open to hearing his concerns, I say more power to them.

disco

March 5th, 2013
10:54 am

slim – peach cobbler and 7up cake are my go to homemade desserts.