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Dating just for fun?

I find it fascinating how the same people who claim not to want a serious relationship turn out to be the first person to catch feelings. It’s sort of like “protesting too much” because they are quick to say it’s all good with no strings. The reality is that they are actually wearing their heart on their sleeves, hoping things get serious!

Men crack me up claiming they are not that type of dude or proclaim “they won’t trip over some broad” because they like things casual. These are the ones that start stalking you at Kroger when you don’t return his phone calls!

How does dating for fun work, then? When people are truly only interested in companionship and/or sex with no commitment, how does it get so complicated?

If you follow the dating for fun approach to dating, do you find that people are apprehensive about seeing you again?

Is it necessary to actually say you are just dating for fun or will your actions kind of show it?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

220 comments Add your comment

MissMoni

February 28th, 2013
8:05 am

GOOD Thursday Morning MIA!!!

I’ve personally heard a guy say “I don’t want anything serious” yet got highly UPSET when I chose not to spend MY free time with him. I quickly had to remind him of his words and of course I added one of my fav sayings: Say what you mean and mean what you say!

I’m interested to see what the guys have to say about this topic. . .

Exiled

February 28th, 2013
8:13 am

Diva….men trip u when they say they want a casual …but they stalk u at Kroger…

It shouldn’t be a surprise to you Diva but lemme tell u…

Men luv their toys! Get it?

It maybe something as simple as a soccer ball or as valuable as a car or even a woman with banging body and swiveling waist that’s a real biaaatch in bed.
The stalking if it happens in a casual relationship is a testament to ur AAA+ rating where it counts.

He ain’t trying to wife u.

He wants to continue enjoying u!

Good morning MIA!

SlimNu

February 28th, 2013
8:49 am

Morning Folks,

When people are truly only interested in companionship and/or sex with no commitment, how does it get so complicated?

I think it is easy to start off with “no intentions other than fun” but often times, you begin to get more comfy around someone, begin to really EXPECT more from them due to the frequent interactions (regardless of it that was agreed upon or no), jealousy may kick in when the other person is not choosing you to spend all their free time with and feelings slowly seep in.

Button

February 28th, 2013
8:58 am

When people are truly only interested in companionship and/or sex with no commitment, how does it get so complicated? when feelings get involed. That’s when more time is demanded or expected. You start getting territoral, making plans and such.

Not sure how dating for fun work. I guess you’re not serious about the other person or their time? Just having fun without any accountability.

MsAtl

February 28th, 2013
9:08 am

Morning All!

I agree with Slim. Even if you start out dating for fun, in time you may start to have feelings for the person. In that case, you need to have a conversation. If the other person does not feel the same way, then you need to evaluate whether you want to continue to “play” or whether it is time to call it a wrap.

Moni-That is what I always tell folks: say what you mean and mean what you say. I am not a mind reader and I don’t have time to spend trying to decipher what you are saying.

Button

February 28th, 2013
9:12 am

Is it necessary to actually say you are just dating for fun or will your actions kind of show it? Yes it’s necessary to say that you’re dating for fun even if you don’t say it your actions will show by you’re lack of attention or being nonchalant about everything. I like to have fun but not at another persons expense. If I know I’m in it just for some fun/thrill then I’ll let be known.

Bluzgirl

February 28th, 2013
9:22 am

Doesn’t everyone date for fun until the meet the “one”?

Morning…

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

February 28th, 2013
9:24 am

For me, it was the fact that they did that ‘one thing’ that, even in my experience, was new/interesting. That made me at least want to go back for that feeling. It was also that ease that some of them showed, (sometimes) fooling me into believing that they could act like that when the relationship got more serious.

It was part me fooling myself and part them lying to me and themselves. In truth, when they had expectations they didn’t express them to me – whether for fear of losing whatever we had or just the companionship.

I respected the women that could be honest with me (and themselves) and express those emotions.

disco

February 28th, 2013
9:29 am

good morning. I’m starting to wonder if my feelings are broke. they obviously don’t work properly. lol. what is this “catch feelings” that you all speak of?

bluz – does your therapist have any openings? maybe I should go and see if he can figure out who detached my emotions and what they did with them.

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

February 28th, 2013
9:36 am

Mornign folks!!!!

I too am amazed at how quick some folks catch feelings when playing the dating game…. I always assumed it was / is the results of our mircowave society. Start out just trying to spend some time with her because she had great taste in shoes and was not afraid to showcase them.. and before long, BAM…. Nose wide open!!!!

Bluzgirl

February 28th, 2013
9:39 am

LOL disco! I’m sure he can take on new patients!

SlimNu

February 28th, 2013
9:44 am

I think when I was younger and not looking for the whole house, picket fence, 2.5 kids and the dog, dating for “fun” was much easier to do. As I’ve gotten older, i’m looking for more substance and stability that relationships usually provide as opposed to going out with someone just for the sake of being out doing something. Really getting to know someone, communicating on a deeper level and sharing in creating more meaningful experiences is what I find more fulfilling now.

Once this topic dwindles, I want to share a WTF article that I read online this morning. lol

Bluzgirl

February 28th, 2013
9:45 am

Come to think of it…I don’t think I want to “catch” anything during this dating game…

Bluzgirl

February 28th, 2013
9:51 am

All joking aside…I would like to just date for fun, but while doing that, it would be nice if I met the one. I’m ready to get out there and just date. If I meet the man of my dreams, I do…if not, then I keep dating until I find the one that makes me stop dating…

disco

February 28th, 2013
9:51 am

slim – I often joke that I met my allotment of “good men” when I was too young to want or appreciate them. by the time I was ready they were already married/divorced/remarried. by the time I was ready everything out here seemed worthless and picked over. a friend and I were discussing the antics of her 22 year old daughter yesterday. in the end we decided everything was all good because she was “22”.

Celisea

February 28th, 2013
10:04 am

Dating for fun has never been my thing. I think you can have fun while dating. See, just switching words around can make or break. Let’s see, Dating for fun, fun while dating, date and have fun, fun dates, and lastly “dating just for fun.” Yeah, we split hairs all day with this one…lol

Anyhoo, nothing wrong with wanting to get out there and enjoy yourself. The problem, IMO, comes in when folks don’t or won’t state their intentions or just start out going in different directions. I don’t think any one couple starting out wanting to marry, say date one. But I can bet there’s been times when she maybe hoped to see where things could go and he was in it “just for fun”…and vice versa. I’ll say all day long, to anybody….do you. Just make sure while you’re doing you, things are crystal clear.

Me personally? I’ve never dated just for fun…lol Suprise suprise, huh? I can’t say ever that I’ve dated thinking marriage, but I just don’t feel like wasting my time or yours for that matter. When I met current boo I decided to just relax, enjoy the date, have fun. Not the same though as doing it “just for fun.” In my experience, if you can get through the first few initial dates, vibing and things are good, I don’t think it’s too early to then decide if you want to see where things will go. Again, as long as the plan unfolds and folks are on the same page, make it do what it do. If it’s just for fun, FWB, etc etc etc, just make sure nobody is mislead or mistaken.

Celisea

February 28th, 2013
10:07 am

I’m a little irked this morning. How bout I split my DD and one bank is receipt and the other not. My job is saying we processed and released, so ask the bank. The bank is saying we don’t have it, ask your job :shock: They better be glad I got money in my account…IJS Imma see how long this is gonna go on before either side decides to take responsibility.

Celisea

February 28th, 2013
10:10 am

On catching feelings, I do. What else should folks do? lol Isn’t that natural? Now, I’m not gonna display what’s behind the curtain or just slap it on my sleeve, but you can’t control when you start liking a person. It just happens. You can control though how much you reveal. That, IMO is key.

disco

February 28th, 2013
10:17 am

hmm. just for fun. some of the stuff we did just for fun was no joke. we broke bottles just for fun. started fights just for fun. skipped school just for fun. lol. I even remember distinctly responding to why did you do that with “just for the fun of it”.

Leggs

February 28th, 2013
10:24 am

WD ~ I’m surprised you used the word “broad.”

Guys trip over good nu nu and catch feelings, then the stalking begins.

Ok, I just arrived. Jacked up morning and Publix is STUPID!

disco

February 28th, 2013
10:29 am

we used to hop trains and drag on the back of buses in wintertime just for fun. it’s a wonder just for fun didn’t break our necks. i was throwing rocks once (just for fun) and broke a neighbor’s window.

leggs – what did publix do to you?

Celisea

February 28th, 2013
10:33 am

If you follow the dating for fun approach to dating, do you find that people are apprehensive about seeing you again

Again, I can’t say I’ve dated for fun but I can’t speak for all the dudes I’ve dated…lol I will say this, “dating for fun” will show, most definitely. Dudes getting all defensive when placed on the spot for answers. I don’t feel bad not one iota for a dude getting testy when I’ve wanted answers. If you have good intentions you have no problem answering. You’re all evasive and stuff? I translate that to you playing games. That right there the tell tale sign to K.I.M. And really, in my experiences, dudes wanting to date just for fun, almost NEVER had the cojones to just say…put it out there. Yeah, they knew the response would be “see ya!” lol

SlimNu

February 28th, 2013
10:37 am

Leggs – Sorry your morning is starting of rocky but you have a lot more hours to make it a better day. ;-)

Okay, i guess all yall went back to sleep. So I came across this article this morning:

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/transgender-girl-s-parents-sue-for-her-right-to-use-the-bathroom-201415013.html

I just really do not know what to say to this. (not that my opinion is required or requested)

Celisea

February 28th, 2013
10:38 am

Is it necessary to actually say you are just dating for fun or will your actions kind of show it?

Heck, this should be a requirement…lol You ain’t gotta say it though, it’s hard to walk forward and backwards at the same time. You can “insinuate” you want something, but if you don’t, you won’t “act” like it.

Celisea

February 28th, 2013
10:38 am

Guess the topic has changed….off to work

BBL….maybe

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

February 28th, 2013
10:41 am

Wow…. are women meeting that many guys that will not just say…. ” I am not looking for anything serious”?.. I have never had a issue with that and very rarely have I come across a woman that was just like “ok, I am out!”……

abc

February 28th, 2013
10:41 am

When people are truly only interested in companionship and/or sex with no commitment, how does it get so complicated?

It’s that way because the purpose of dating is to find a mate. It’s a natural order. Avoidance of that is not natural. People who claim dedication to the casual are themselves worth avoiding on that account — they mostly represent a waste of time on the leisurely.

MsAtl

February 28th, 2013
10:43 am

Slim- “Coy asked, at age 4, “When are we going to go to the doctor to get me fixed so I can be a girl?” Really??? What 18 month old doesn’t play with both girl and boy toys? If this was a 15 year old, that would be one thing, but a 4 year old? That was the parents imposing this on the child for whatever reason. All I can say is WOW! Go sit down somewhere.

SlimNu

February 28th, 2013
10:48 am

MsAtl – EXACTLY!!! Then to go ahead with a sex change that early on seems outrageous to me!!!! I have younger male cousins that I recall trying to walk around in their mom’s high heels but there are regular men now. No need to seek out sex changes in them :shock:

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

February 28th, 2013
10:51 am

abc…This is where you are off….. In nature there is no dating. There is mating to continue the species. Dating is specific to humans. The concept of datings is built on enjoyment beyond the need to mate. In fact in nature sex is ONLY for reproduction…. We are the only creatures that seek out sex for enjoyment… And according to your rules of nature, that is unnatural too…..

Leggs

February 28th, 2013
10:51 am

disco ~ we used to ride the back of the bus to to Woolworth’s for their delicious chicken wings (.25). The fun we had growing up was quite dangerous. We used to ride between the subway cars. So surprised no one ever fell off.

O/T: Ordered a cookie cake Tues for bday celebration this afternoon. I specifically asked if I had the Publix in the shopping center that Party is in and they said yeah so I placed the order. Traffic was a nightmare so I get to the store at 8:55. They don’t have my order. They call and it’s at another location off Huge Howell Road :shock: I drive there and the lady apologizes. I state that I don’t see a Party City and this woman looks at me, laughs and says Party City is in the Ingles shopping center behind them. :shock: I asked her to never tell another soul they are next to Party City. I arrive at work at 9:45 and I left my house at 7:55. NO BREAKFAST. Only rotten bananas on the fruit self. So, early lunch for me.

Celisea

February 28th, 2013
10:52 am

abc – I’on know who you are, but 99.9 percent of the time, I’m in agreeance

Celisea

February 28th, 2013
10:53 am

I agree with “natural order”

abc

February 28th, 2013
10:54 am

No, lust is natural and there for a reason: propagation of the species. Dating is the equivalent of gooney birds dancing — dating is, in fact, a dance. Does the dance attract the other, or not? Does the alpha run off the other males?

Celisea

February 28th, 2013
10:56 am

abc…This is where you are off….. In nature there is no dating. There is mating to continue the species. Dating is specific to humans. The concept of datings is built on enjoyment beyond the need to mate. In fact in nature sex is ONLY for reproduction…. We are the only creatures that seek out sex for enjoyment… And according to your rules of nature, that is unnatural too…..

This is splitting hairs…

Finding a mate, looking for a mate, finding a spouse, dating to marry…it’s all the same.

Leggs

February 28th, 2013
10:59 am

BTW, I date to have fun and to connect with someone.

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

February 28th, 2013
11:02 am

I assure you, the animals on the Serengeti are not spending BILLIONS on birth control so that they can get their freak on withouf consiquence…….

Durty Bird (Date Msatl would be fun)

February 28th, 2013
11:02 am

Good Morning!

Unless you have alredy reached that stage where you want a mate, then the dating mindset should always include enjoying the moment and having lots of fun.

I will date Msatl for fun and sex, then once msatl catch feeling, I will have to remind her I was dating for fun. :wink:

If someone is stalking you in Kroger they have a mental problem, do not try to converse with this individual just call the Police.

SlimNu

February 28th, 2013
11:14 am

A guy stalked me in Wal-mart once and I have never seen him prior to that day. So good good puddy is not always the culprit or cause. :???:

Albert

February 28th, 2013
11:14 am

It is necessary to say that you are dating for fun, because if you date a guy more than three times, he will begin hoping that you will get serious.

Even if you aren’t kissing him goodnight yet.
Trust me :)

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

February 28th, 2013
11:16 am

hey Albert…. You have not been hang around Kroger or Wal-Mart lately have you??????

disco

February 28th, 2013
11:17 am

DB – why a stalker gotta have mental problems? why can’t they be stalking someone just for fun? think about it. stalking might just be fun. it could be like being a spy/cia operative/ninja warrior or something. maybe I’ll open a stalker training center. I’d imagine that there are some people out there who just might enjoy the stalker experience (both stalkers and stalkees).

disco

February 28th, 2013
11:20 am

slim – I don’t know if you watch the George lopez show but there was an episode where his mom said today they call it stalking. in her day they called it keeping an eye on your man. lol.

Bluzgirl

February 28th, 2013
11:27 am

My brother showed me a documentary the other night called “I Think We’re Alone Now.” It was about two people who were obsessed with Tiffany (yes, the 80’s pop queen). One of the men has had restraining orders against him from her, but he still thinks they are close friends. It was disturbing…

MsAtl

February 28th, 2013
11:28 am

Durty- Are you referring to dating or just hanging out? Lol. Hanging out does not involve sex and can be done with either gender. If I am sexing someone, it is only that one person and we had a conversation beforehand to “set the rules”. I don’t do the multiple toys in the sandbox thing.
Besides, didn’t we talk about not dating neighbors a few days ago???

Disco- I’ll sign up for your class just for something different to do. Are you offering a Groupon?

SlimNu

February 28th, 2013
11:30 am

disco – Have you gotten that therapist contact info from Bluz yet? :lol: (11:17)

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

February 28th, 2013
11:31 am

A few years ago, an employee of our company was arrested a charged after he was caught hiding in the bushes outside of some girls house…. According to him, they had gone out and he just wanted to see if she was worth him investing his time on…. Funny thing is, she heard someone outside and while she called the police, the guy she was inside kicking it with held him at gun point until the cops came….

kimmie

February 28th, 2013
11:32 am

Morning All!!

THe first time a guy told me upfront that he didn’t want anything serious, I still continued to see the dude and after a point started catching feelings. His actions – calling and going out with me regularly and the way we interacted- told me he was starting to feel the same. I learned my lesson, though, when he reminded me of his initial delaration. Cool, lesson learned. After that, any time a dude said that to me, he basically ruined any chances of anything more happening between us, even if, as most did, changed their mind down the road. It was over before it began with me because I treated the situation accordingly – nothing serious. I don’t need to consider him in any way in my life other than someone to pass the time with occasionally until someone that wanted what I wanted came along. Oh, and sex was totally out! Poor things, their little feelings would be so hurt when I took them at their word!

disco

February 28th, 2013
11:34 am

ms atl / slim – no groupons yet. still working on my prototype. I’m thinking about a simulated stalker experience and a class entitled “how to stalk a stalker”. lol. (hey y’all know by now I’m throwed off).

Celisea

February 28th, 2013
11:35 am

I think folks should define stalking. Just because you saw a person in passing twice, say in a store or in the neighborhood don’t mean it’s stalking…lol

I have an email stalker. I’m getting dirty emails…lol I just laugh and delete. I can see the subject and first line and some are just filthy. So, I don’t open them…well a couple I have cause the first line is sometimes catchy. Over the weekend I got I know at least 50. Funny thing too, they’re timed and, at least over the weekend they were. Every two hours exactly on the nose….7:01, 9:01, 11:01…so forth and so on.

I think someone said before I had paranoia for getting stalked…lol