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Hook up or relationship potential?

I know the feeling people get when they meet someone new and things are so..well NEW NEW. You aren’t sure if they like you the same way you like them. You don’t really want to show all your “cards” (emotions) first because that idea terrifies you. You basically want to figure out as soon as you can: am I a hook up or potential relationship candidate.

Maybe on some level, it doesn’t matter. Time usually reveals all, right? Is there a way to get a hint of which way it will go, though? The way we date these days makes it harder to gauge true interest. We definitely have to develop some skills!

How can you really tell if you are hook up or considered for a relationship unless you ask outright? Is it a good idea early on or can that backfire?

Do men usually take a long time to figure out if they are interested in a relationship versus just a hook up?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

233 comments Add your comment

Lady~Sunshine~

February 25th, 2013
8:19 am

Good MorningMIA & my buddy C~~~~~ ;)

A guy friend gave me this assessment and I have to cosign~ Honestly that’s something to be discussed before going out on the first date. Talking about what each of you are looking for is key. Don’t be afraid to pose open-ended questions. What youre wanting to know should be out in the open early. You’ll be able to tell how sincere the guy is if the convo moves to that. But also keep in mind that if you go seeking that too soon you may misconstrue that bc he wants something serious that it’s with you and may not or worse, that he identifies such early inquiries as though you’re attempting to define the course you’ll both take instead of it occurring naturally, which can be a potential turn-off. Just remember to ease into it, make him be a gentleman at all times and you’ll get your answers for good or bad.

I will pop back in later and see what the masses assess~ ;)

disco

February 25th, 2013
9:01 am

good morning. hook up or relationship material? I’m sure many hook ups turned into relationships but that’s neither here nor there. re showing cards first, that was a game I may have played in my youth but now, a chick’s too old for that. it’s time to show the hand and stop trying to keep aces up the sleeve. lol. do men take a long time to figure out what they want? let them tell it, women don’t know what they want. that would lead one to believe that men do. in this case, I believe they do. whether they share or not, are honest or not, I think they know what they want. the curveball in all this is that what a person wants does tend to change.

MissMoni223

February 25th, 2013
9:02 am

GOOD Monday Morning MIA!!!

Well, if you aren’t interested in just a hook up state that up front. That way if that is all the guy wants he can gracefully bow out before things go anywhere. He doesn’t get the option of either or when you let him know that his options are to have a relationship OR leave me alone. There is no hooking up!

Leggs

February 25th, 2013
9:11 am

How can you really tell if you are hook up or considered for a relationship unless you ask outright? Is it a good idea early on or can that backfire? You don’t necessarily have to ask outright. As the evening progresses, the tone of the conversation easily dictates which lane you’re in. If you don’t like the scenery, alter your course.

Morning!

disco

February 25th, 2013
9:14 am

miss moni – I hate that I always sound contrary. there’s just always so many angles. lol. one person can claim to want what the other one wants. you know how that game goes. many a folks have found themselves in pseudo-relationships getting caught up in that scam right there.

hey leggs.

Leggs

February 25th, 2013
9:27 am

Hey there, disco. Disco, did you have fabulous weather yesterday? It was absolutely GORGEOUS here yesterday!

Hi Lady, MissMoni223.

MissMoni

February 25th, 2013
9:28 am

disco- I totally understand where you’re coming from on this one. . .

Leggs- “If you don’t like the scenery, alter your course.” Very true, we all have choices.

MissMoni

February 25th, 2013
9:29 am

My birthday was Saturday 2-23, I am still in CELEBRATION mode!!! :-D

Leggs

February 25th, 2013
9:30 am

Silly me, I read Lady’s last two word’s as masses A$$ess. Whew, I need a cup of coffee and I don’t drink coffee.

Leggs

February 25th, 2013
9:35 am

MissMoni, you are now added to by bday list.

Lady~Sunshine~

February 25th, 2013
9:37 am

Hey Leggs!!!! Been a minute sis! wishing you well! ;)

Celisea

February 25th, 2013
9:38 am

Heeey Lady, just peeking in. I’m working from home today. I got a couple more things going on in the home, adding to the renovations done. I got contractors here. :) I’ll peek in later.

Oh, I had such a nice nice nice time this weekend :mrgreen:

MissMoni

February 25th, 2013
9:40 am

Thanks Leggs! I’m not a coffee drinker either, I feel like a real minority in my office, LOL!

disco

February 25th, 2013
9:42 am

leggs – re needing a cup of coffee and not drinking coffee. lately I’ve been saying I needed a blunt and I don’t smoke.

Celisea

February 25th, 2013
9:42 am

I guess I could have said something on topic….lol

In my opinion or mind (lol), most (not all) but the vast majority of men are looking for a hookup. IMO, if you sell yourself short, you got bought for mere pennies. I agree with Lady, make it crystal clear and stick with that. If you’re able to do hookups and get your dusting, with no issue and that’s all you’re looking for do you, but if it’s a relationship you want, be open and up front (don’t scare folks off) in exactly what you desire. Now, in not running folks off, I wouldn’t say say that the moment y’all shake hands or have your first sit-down, but I will say, before anything (i.e. clothes) comes off, make sure you both are on the same page or make sure folks ain’t pretending to be on the same page….lol

BBL…..maybe

Button

February 25th, 2013
9:44 am

How can you really tell if you are hook up or considered for a relationship unless you ask outright? There is really no other way other than asking, oh and then there’s the gut instinct.

Is it a good idea early on or can that backfire? It depends on the level of the relationship. What your connections are with each other. There’s really know why of saying it’s too early to ask where you are in the relationship. If it backfire then maybe its a relationship of convenience.

Do men usually take a long time to figure out if they are interested in a relationship versus just a hook up? NOPE!!! they know first hand.

Celisea

February 25th, 2013
9:55 am

most (not all) but the vast majority of men are looking for a hookup.

Did I do thaaaat….said like Steve Urkel…lol

Hazel

February 25th, 2013
9:57 am

Is it a good idea early on or can that backfire?

I agree with Celisea and others who are on the same page and me. Its a GREAT idea to let it be know early on! No point in wasting my time or yours. Lets be real. It may not work out most of the time, but you will appreciate it later on.

Exiled

February 25th, 2013
10:01 am

I would hazard to say that most men are driven by a lustful desire …….Meelo…

@Celisea..In my opinion or mind (lol), most (not all) but the vast majority of men are looking for a hookup

Yes Yes Yes…..!!!!

Good morning!

Slim Nu

February 25th, 2013
10:02 am

lately I’ve been saying I needed a blunt and I don’t smoke.

disco – Speaking of smoking, I actually smoked hookah this weekend for the first time. ;-)

!

February 25th, 2013
10:06 am

They are sheep in wolves clothing, so be careful whom you’re talking to and what you tell them. Demonic spirited people can also be-friend you then, try to harm you mentally…Bad diseases spread from one person to another. When God delivers you from certain people, shake yourself move on and don’t catch the disease again.

Button

February 25th, 2013
10:10 am

I can agree with you Celisea most men are looking for a hook up! When I was out there actively dating I would tell them upfront I’m not looking for a hook up or any other street jargon that’s out here nowadays. Better yet, don’t even use the word hook up with me. I can’t stand that word! Let’s hook up,…no thanks!

Leggs

February 25th, 2013
10:11 am

I’m good, Lady. Went on a semi shopping spree Friday and then again yesterday. Got some good bargains so I’m feeling special (lol). Just need Spring to get here so I can the garments (lol).

disco ~ speaking about blunts, I was watching Investigation Discovery and this grandma was meeting with an undercover cop she thought was a hitman to take out her two granddaughters and their mother. This woman is in her late 60’s saying she’s so nervous she wished she didn’t leave her joints at home. I cracked up. Cops in room next door and barge in guns drawn after she laid out the details. Why do people think they’re really talking to a hit man.

Leggs

February 25th, 2013
10:13 am

so I can WEAR…

disco

February 25th, 2013
10:15 am

leggs – what I want to know is what did the grandkids and their momma do to her? lol.

msjenkins8@gmail.com

February 25th, 2013
10:16 am

good deal Leggs~ ;)

Leggs

February 25th, 2013
10:17 am

Button ~ I told a guy a few months ago that I didn’t care for the word “hook up” when asking when can he see me. He would call saying “when can we hook up for a movie or something?” I asked that he simply asks when can we go out again, because “hook up” has a negative connotation to my hears.

Bluzgirl

February 25th, 2013
10:18 am

Morning!

I would think that you could tell pretty quick on a first (or second) date if it’s just a hook up situation. I was a little surprised when I went out with the Young One that he really wanted a relationship right away. It was just too quick for me! LOL! In the past, I went on dates where I could tell that it would have just been a hook up if I wanted it to be. The two terrible dates I had were practically drooling by the end of the night and I shut them down!

Leggs

February 25th, 2013
10:18 am

to my ears, my ears.

Dang, perhaps I smoked a blunt and didn’t know it (lol).

Leggs

February 25th, 2013
10:19 am

Well, no way I wouldn’t know it, but you know what I mean. Typing is way off this morning.

Exiled

February 25th, 2013
10:21 am

msjenkins8@gmail.com? whaat?

Is that a hook up? :lol:

Off Topic:

If that lil pouch that Halle has is not a new baby,then Damn Damn Damn….hope its a baby.

Lawd Have Mercy!

Leggs

February 25th, 2013
10:21 am

disco ~ her son molested his daughters and they were going to testify against him. Grandma, her son and his father thought it best if they eliminated the witnesses, the son would never stand trial…dumb clucks!!!

She said she loved her son so much she would anything, anything for him, even murder her grandchildren.

Personally, I think she’s been smoking for long and her brain is now a den of marijuana seeds.

disco

February 25th, 2013
10:29 am

I don’t think the term “hook up” itself bothers me. I think I use it generally too much. hook up with me, catch up with me, get with me, holler at me. all interchangeable in my world.

Button

February 25th, 2013
10:39 am

Leggs – good for you!

Exile – I was thinking the same thing. but naw I think she forgot to put on her spandex.

Ms J~

February 25th, 2013
10:43 am

no hook up~ lol

Ms J~

February 25th, 2013
10:46 am

awww snap I likes that better guess I can replace Lady to Ms lol yeah my womanhood is expanding~ I proud of where its going~ #random

disco

February 25th, 2013
10:46 am

okay. time for me to play devil’s advocate. since so many of the women folk are anti-hook-up I just have to go here. yeah, you may want a relationship but let’s face it. viable candidates aren’t always lining up the block. nobody here is going to admit to accepting a hook-up to at least take the edge off in the meantime? ijs. let’s keep it real up in here. lol.

Celisea

February 25th, 2013
10:50 am

Lawd Jesus…NO HOOK UPS means no hook up. Folks aint’ gotta lie. Taking edge off don’t always getting dusted…..lol Sometimes that means read a book, knit a sweater, have some coffee, take a swim, jog a mile….lololol

Back to work

Bluzgirl

February 25th, 2013
10:50 am

disco – you know I’ll admit that! There have been several times that all I wanted was a hook up!

disco

February 25th, 2013
10:56 am

bluz – I know that you and I are not the only ones. lol.

MsAtl

February 25th, 2013
10:56 am

Morning All!

I think for the most part, you can tell early on whether it is heading toward a relationship or is just a hook up. However, I believe it is best to keep it real and honest. If you are looking for a hook up and I am not, then I would rather not waste my time or yours.
Disco- you are right, viable candidates may not be lining up. You have to be okay with remaining single if you are a no hookup typr of person.

disco

February 25th, 2013
11:01 am

ms atl – viable hook up candidates are just as hard to find as viable man candidates. lol. for me they have to meet essentially the same criteria except that the hook up guy has to be on point physically whereas with the real man I might take a short here or there if it’s made up somewhere else. hook up man don’t get that luxury. he better be tight.

MsAtl

February 25th, 2013
11:03 am

Disco- Lol. So basically, the hookup man has to be Essence’s Eye Candy, huh?

Leggs

February 25th, 2013
11:09 am

disco ~ I’m going to keep it real for you. NOPE! If I need to, I’ll take the edge off myself. I’m the type that can’t sex another then go our separate ways. All to get the edge off…No can do.

disco

February 25th, 2013
11:13 am

ms atl – yep. hook up man has to be a bad boy. lol.

leggs – cool. I know everybody’s not “not doing” it just like I know everybody’s not doing it.

Button

February 25th, 2013
11:14 am

disco – only one thing comes to mind @ 10:46 shall I say woman thou art loose! lol

disco

February 25th, 2013
11:16 am

button – call it what you will but I know everybody’s coochie ain’t locked down waiting on mr. right or the man of their dreams or the knight in shining armor or to say “I do”. some may have low libidos, some may tend to the matter themselves, others go out there and make it do what it do. it is what it is.

MsAtl

February 25th, 2013
11:22 am

I say to each her own. Whatever you choose, keep it real with yourself and the other person. Because I choose not to hook up does not mean it is the way it should go or the right way.

Button

February 25th, 2013
11:22 am

disco – I don’t kinow what everybody else is doing, I just know what I’m doing and that’s really all that matters. Also just because everybody else may be doing it dosen’t mean I need to jump in and do it too. Another thing, even if I didn’t have men lined up at my door which I have experience what I call a drought doesn’t excuse me to spread eagle style and frlock my body to every tom duck or harry either.

Slim Nu

February 25th, 2013
11:23 am

Bluz – How was it seeing Mags over the weekend? Did you stay strong or did you go in for a ‘tune-up”?