Hook up or relationship potential?
I know the feeling people get when they meet someone new and things are so..well NEW NEW. You aren’t sure if they like you the same way you like them. You don’t really want to show all your “cards” (emotions) first because that idea terrifies you. You basically want to figure out as soon as you can: am I a hook up or potential relationship candidate.
Maybe on some level, it doesn’t matter. Time usually reveals all, right? Is there a way to get a hint of which way it will go, though? The way we date these days makes it harder to gauge true interest. We definitely have to develop some skills!
How can you really tell if you are hook up or considered for a relationship unless you ask outright? Is it a good idea early on or can that backfire?
Do men usually take a long time to figure out if they are interested in a relationship versus just a hook up?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
233 comments Add your comment
Slim Nu
February 25th, 2013
2:47 pm
disco
For Real
February 25th, 2013
2:50 pm
Hey blog fam I’m looking for a cool after work spot for tonight near downtown. Anyone got any ideas?
For Real now conducting jaw exercises for his 3pm meeting with Slim aka Fi Dentist
Exiled!
February 25th, 2013
2:51 pm
Kimmie…when u are serious material to him..he ain’t doing that.
That’s what I’m telling u..
U don’t have to ask his friends…I was just saying..more often than not,his close friends know if u are hook up play material to him or u are being analyzed for starter position.
kimmie-Bugg owner!
February 25th, 2013
2:53 pm
Button – I don’t really get your post, but all I’m saying is nobody is obligated to put their business out there. Alot of times it’s not what you do but how you do it. I don’t have anything to be ashamed of because I own everything I am and what I did before I married.
Leggs
February 25th, 2013
2:56 pm
I like Huck the best, then I wouldn’t mind jumping the bones of the brother. I can never remember that Gladiator’s name??
Exiled!
February 25th, 2013
2:59 pm
Uall are funny!
@Kimmie and Button
So a hook up is respectable as long it’s a secret?
Women!
a hook up is good eve now and then Period!
kimmie-Bugg owner!
February 25th, 2013
3:10 pm
Exiled – I’m saying intimate activities are nobody’s business. With that being said, I don’t get into things I need to be ashamed of later. Whatever I did or didn’t do, I own it. I’m the type of woman that will catch feelings when things go there, but to say every time, every guy I’ve gotten physically involved with in the past was within a full-blown relationship would not be truthful. Everything has it’s circumstances. But that was not my way of life and so far removed from the woman I am or how I was raised. I’ve never been one that slept with a dude and wondered after the fact what the “relationship” is. At that point, it’s too late. You don’t shoot first and ask questions later. Woman-up about it.
Leggs
February 25th, 2013
3:12 pm
kimmie ~ before marriage I was doing my thing. I came into a new person while marriage and an even newer person after divorce (lol)
Dirty Bird (Hooking-Up who's first?)
February 25th, 2013
3:15 pm
@Button, I think you are throwing your convictions/morals value and judgment at folks, that’s probably why Bluzgirl made the statement (acting holier than thou). Folks are passing around too much judgment these days.
I was simply stating women have a tendency to try make something more than what it actually is!
Common sense should tell you after a person goes ghost it in a month or two it was basically about hooking-up. Just because you want to call it a relationship in your mind does not make it a relationship.
abc
February 25th, 2013
3:20 pm
Fun and games, eh. Hookups are a sin, ergo fornication, right? Everyone’s a sinner, whether acknowledged or not, and I’ve committed that particular one plenty of times. But that’s not to say it’s A-OK. Not especially interested in persuading anyone to think one way or another, just putting it out there.
Actually, the contents of anyone’s sins is kind of uninteresting to me — but I think it’s curious that so many people declare that some behaviors, identified specifically in the Bible as sin, aren’t sins at all.
Dirty Bird (Hooking-Up who's first?)
February 25th, 2013
3:20 pm
@Leggs….Dirty Bird Gladiator is the name and I am ready for you to jump my bones. lol
Huck needs a bath before he hooks up with the President’s wife again….Oh yes he did!
disco
February 25th, 2013
3:20 pm
DB – well technically since all interactions of whatever sort are technically some type of interpersonal relationship I suppose that technically someone could call an extended fling a relationship. ijs.
DuShawn
February 25th, 2013
3:25 pm
“I’ve never been one that slept with a dude and wondered after the fact what the “relationship” is. At that point, it’s too late”…..Preach sista! That’s real grown woman talk. I recognize it because I had the opposing agenda. It was my objective to keep her infatuated and get that azz a few times before we defined what the “relationship” was. If she was wise enough to have that conversation first, gotta respect that. I dayum sure wasn’t gonna bring it up.
kimmie-Bugg owner!
February 25th, 2013
3:27 pm
disco – Everybody has their own definition of everything, especially when they are playing games!
Heck, I dated a guy for a year one time that told me I wasn’t really his serious girlfriend! You know I told him he was full of ish!!
Bluzgirl
February 25th, 2013
3:33 pm
The guy I was in a long term relationship with years ago would tell people we were just “hanging out and having fun” for just about the whole first year. He changed his tune when I threatened to leave him. He decided then that we could be “dating.” LOL
disco
February 25th, 2013
3:34 pm
kimmie – I can just hear him now “you know you my girl and all. I’m just saying though. we been together this whole year. that ain’t serious to you? I mean it’s serious to me and all it just ain’t that serious.” lol.
Slim Nu
February 25th, 2013
3:36 pm
I think it’s curious that so many people declare that some behaviors, identified specifically in the Bible as sin, aren’t sins at all
abc – I think because it may be more known of many others doing it, in the mind folks take it as no longer a sin – acceptability I suppose. It’s no different than in prison where folks that are child molesters/sex offenders, get looked down upon by murderers, theives, etc. It’s like, I can steal, hurt or kill your whole family but the minute I put my finger on a kid I’ve somehow crossed a line that I hadn’t before.
Slim Nu
February 25th, 2013
3:36 pm
Bottom line is, people judge….in some shape, form or fashion.
DuShawn
February 25th, 2013
3:38 pm
hanging out, having fun, hooking up, dating…..It’s all the same thing. Only exclusivity elevates it to a relationship status.
Slim Nu
February 25th, 2013
3:39 pm
kimmie – Congrats on your new ride…my mom, to this day, still wants her one but she wants the old school kind. If ever i’m in a position to find and get her one, I will. I’m sure a museum somewhere will have one somewhere
disco
February 25th, 2013
3:40 pm
slim – lol. well actually I do believe there is a hierarchy in criminal activity. granted I’m not trying to push my hierarchy on anyone else. I do know growing up my parents/grandparents others had a list of offenses that they’d bail you out for and a list of offenses that if you did them you might as well not even bother to call home. for example for us growing up fighting was acceptable. stealing was not acceptable.
Slim Nu
February 25th, 2013
3:41 pm
DuShawn – Some would even look down on relationships, for the simple fact that it isn’t marriage.
kimmie-Bugg owner!
February 25th, 2013
3:42 pm
Slim – The guy that cleans our carpets has one that’s a 1970 he tools around it, but he said he’s going to get it fixed up. Mine is not brand new, a 2006, but low miles and excellent condition and great price.
Slim Nu
February 25th, 2013
3:43 pm
disco – My mom definitely didn’t go for stealing. I told yall about the time my sister came home with colored chalk she stook from her classroom. When my mom found out she tore her butt up and made her return it to the teacher, acknowledging what she did and an apology to boot. lol Sure chalk is small time but either way, it was not hers to take.
disco
February 25th, 2013
3:44 pm
slim – my most recent ex is big on old school bugs. he finds them, rebuilds them and prefers riding around town in his VW over his new acura. bugs are his thing. apparently there are lots of old school bug enthusiasts. they even have car shows and rallies and whatnot.
Exiled!
February 25th, 2013
3:47 pm
Look down because it isn’t marriage?
@Slim??
Really??
Slim Nu
February 25th, 2013
3:47 pm
kimmie – Hey, it’s new to you! ….
But I think i’d be scared to sit in the 70’s models…you could feel all the hard springs under the seats in those things
kimmie-Bugg owner!
February 25th, 2013
3:47 pm
disco – Same here with my family. My dad told us he’d come bail us out of pretty much anything and get us the best lawyer possible UNLESS it was drug related. Working down at Grady in the emergency room he saw the worst there is to see. If one of us got caught up in dope, may as well rott!
disco
February 25th, 2013
3:48 pm
slim – my brother stole a transformer was the store when he was in elementary and got a ride home in the police car. even as a kid I remember thinking the police might want to wait and save themselves a trip from having to come back and get my momma. we still tease one of my cousins about stealing a hi-c drink box (back when they first came out – lol). she stuck it in her pants and it fell out her pants leg.
abc
February 25th, 2013
3:49 pm
An acquaintance pulled up in his new Tesla S yesterday — now, that car is totally da bomb. If I wasn’t so cheap, I’d get me one of those. That’s a car that could conjure up all 7 deadly sins in just 2 people — the guy that has one, and the guy that doesn’t.
kimmie-Bugg owner!
February 25th, 2013
3:50 pm
Slim – It starts with small stuff, so your mom was right to take action immediately!LOL!!
disco – I had a buddy in college that was a bugg enthusiast! He had 3 he fixed up and would ride around campus in. I wonder if he’s still into them.
Slim Nu
February 25th, 2013
3:51 pm
Ex – Yes, there are folks in the world that feel that way….especially folks that have only been with their husbands and married when they were 9yrs lol….
Ladies – I’m curious, if you could go back and do this aspect of your life over, would you want/prefer to with only one guy and that guy being your husband??? Would you want to be a die hard ‘virgin until married’ chick?
Exiled!
February 25th, 2013
3:52 pm
Criminality??
Funny how the Roman catholic bishops are getting away with murder really for molestation. It’s a tip of the ice berg.
More need to go in
But that won’t happen because that Church is an authority unto itself
Which is a shame because I think that church is just Satan reincarnated.
So powerful and influential
So Immoral
Slim Nu
February 25th, 2013
3:53 pm
disco – So what happened when your brother got home?
Slim Nu
February 25th, 2013
3:54 pm
abc – How much do those cars run?
abc
February 25th, 2013
3:56 pm
Top of the line, around $120K, with a $15-20K discount you get back in the form of a tax break for buying an electric car. I think you can get in an entry level (if you could even call it that) for around $75K, maybe $80K.
kimmie-Bugg owner!
February 25th, 2013
3:56 pm
Slim – No. If I could do it all over, the only thing I probably would change is meeting my hubs earlier so we could have some kids. Otherwise, I’m okay with my experiences and the men I’ve met and loved along the way.
abc
February 25th, 2013
3:57 pm
but, here’s some actual info: http://www.teslamotors.com/models
disco
February 25th, 2013
3:57 pm
slim – not me. I respect the whole virginity thing but I, for one, would need a test drive before committing. bump that. for better or for worse should not include peter problems right out the gate. lol.
slim – my brother just got the standard issue butt whooping. probably an extension cord. to this day I still tease him about how much he cried, hollered, begged when getting whoopings. I was too stubborn to cry. of course, I didn’t realize then that I probably got beat worse for not crying. oh well.
Slim Nu
February 25th, 2013
3:58 pm
Even if I had that kind of money, I’m not too sure I’d feel good spending that much on a car. However, if I won at least 30mil, then I’d have to rethink that lol
Exiled!
February 25th, 2013
3:58 pm
Def not waiting for marriage to get azz
Bluzgirl
February 25th, 2013
3:59 pm
Slim – That’s a tough question, but I don’t think I would want to go back and change things to only have been with one man my whole life. I never really thought about being a virgin until marriage. I honestly think that it’s important to see how you mesh in bed before getting too serious. Sex may not be the most important thing, but it is important in a happy, healthy relationship. I may have some regrets about men I’ve chosen, but for the most part, I’ve learned a lot by having different partners in my life…
Leggs
February 25th, 2013
4:01 pm
kimmie/SlimNu ~ you know what I did with Lil Leggs when she stole books from Publix. I marched her right in front of the police offers having lunch and scared the heebee jeebees out of her.
Slim Nu
February 25th, 2013
4:04 pm
disco – I have a cousin that told me their dad would not quit until tears were shed. I guess it infuriated him even more for them to just stand there trying to take it. Now me on the other hand, I’d be jumping, hooping and hollering all over the room like someone was killing me. lol
Leggs
February 25th, 2013
4:04 pm
disco ~ I didn’t cry either, but I did a lot of jumping and scooting and running in circles. I eventually realized if I cried sometimes, the whooping wouldn’t be as long.
abc
February 25th, 2013
4:08 pm
Sort of ‘try before you buy’ I suppose. People say things like that about living together before marriage, but statistics are that those that do are more likely to divorce. I think we sell ourselves a bill of goods in subscribing to contemporary conventional wisdom, shaped by societal norms, almost by pop culture — for instance, things are a lot different now than, say, 30 or 40 years ago. People are different. Their choices are different; not necessarily better, as rationalized by currently accepted norms, just different. Go back 100 years, QUITE a bit different. But better? I kind of doubt it.
disco
February 25th, 2013
4:09 pm
slim/leggs – uh uh. not me. I was not going to give my tormenter the added pleasure. boy I used to have welts and knots and bruises all over the place. still, a whooping only hurts as long as it lasts. lol. shoot eventually my parents retired the beating accessories (belts, switches, extension cords) and just went at me bare handed. my mother hit me in the head with a beer bottle once. she now has selective memory and doesn’t recall the incident.
Slim Nu
February 25th, 2013
4:10 pm
Leggs – In the back of your mind were you glad it was at least books she stole and not eye liner or something stupid like that? j/k lol
Button
February 25th, 2013
4:10 pm
Dirty when did I throw my morals/judgement around? I simply stated that I’ve never had a hook up and was bashed for not doing so. My bad, maybe I should’ve lie about having one. We don’t live in a monolithic society.
kimmie-Bugg owner!
February 25th, 2013
4:13 pm
Slim/Disco – It would have been just my luck to wait until marriage, only to have some major issues to deal with, something even weird, that I would not have been able to deal with!