Hook up or relationship potential?
I know the feeling people get when they meet someone new and things are so..well NEW NEW. You aren’t sure if they like you the same way you like them. You don’t really want to show all your “cards” (emotions) first because that idea terrifies you. You basically want to figure out as soon as you can: am I a hook up or potential relationship candidate.
Maybe on some level, it doesn’t matter. Time usually reveals all, right? Is there a way to get a hint of which way it will go, though? The way we date these days makes it harder to gauge true interest. We definitely have to develop some skills!
How can you really tell if you are hook up or considered for a relationship unless you ask outright? Is it a good idea early on or can that backfire?
Do men usually take a long time to figure out if they are interested in a relationship versus just a hook up?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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233 comments Add your comment
Celisea
February 25th, 2013
11:25 am
Honestly, IMO it all just depends on your mentality and how you’ve operated. There are some folks that believe they absolutely cannot go without. There are some folks that believe mind over matter. There are some folks that can only relate to “slumming” (any ole get down with any ole thing….not saying anyone here…IJS), there are some folks that’s only dealt with certain kind or woman (or man) and will only deal with that kind, etc etc etc….. In essence, IMO whatever your lifestyle has been, naturally some folks can’t relate to something totally opposite and I would guess that could go for everyone. Not to say that one’s lifestyle over another is wrong, but it’s evident that folks relate to what they know and gravitate to what they’re accustomed. So, my point is that some folks would much much rather take a pass during the drought than than to dilly dally, just for the sake of, believe that.
disco
February 25th, 2013
11:25 am
button – let’s not get so defensive. I’m not calling anybody out. I agree with you. to each his own. none of my business. all I’m saying is I know folks are doing it. I don’t claim to know what “blog folks” are doing.
Celisea
February 25th, 2013
11:27 am
Also, from my experiences “in between” relationships with abstaining, I keeps (yep keeps) a clear head and ready when the right one does come along….believe that also
Button
February 25th, 2013
11:33 am
disco – not being defensive. I hope you don’t think that I’m taking jabs because I’m not. just stating that not everyone is out here getting a “trim”. Some people do respect themselves, I know I do. it would be silly of me to think that everyone is out there hooking up so I should too. I don’t want to be ran through, worn out because of that way of thinking.
Ms J~
February 25th, 2013
11:35 am
pretty much C~
disco
February 25th, 2013
11:36 am
button – cool. maybe some kind of way you got the impression I was saying that it’s what everyone should do. nope. definitely not what I was saying.
Dirty Bird is going to tell the truth! Yes I am
February 25th, 2013
11:45 am
Good Morning!
Wisa Diva I need your assistance, I am adding a new man law number 2,222. When Celisea states she is busy and will blog in later, I want a 1/2 time limit before she is allowed to post again.
@Disco…When folks were younger they were involved in a lot of hook-ups unless they were married at an early age. For some reason women have a tough time admitting the truth when it comes to having sex with man and the relationship did not last more the 1 to 3 months. Short term relationships are basically hook-ups. Yes they are!
I want to hook-up with BluzGirl, Disco and Slim-Nu…Yes I do
lol
DuShawn
February 25th, 2013
11:48 am
I personally agree with a lot of the ladies comments. Because of my moral convictions, I don’t believe in just merely “hooking up”. The act itself without an emotional connection is hollow. She at least has to possess the potential to become a mistress with longevity. If not, I might as well go home to my wife.
Celisea
February 25th, 2013
11:48 am
Lady or I should say Ms. J, nice ring to that –
Ms J~
February 25th, 2013
11:49 am
Ms. J suffice C~ every two years I change the moniker to keep up chica! hahahaha!
Leggs
February 25th, 2013
11:52 am
“…can only relate to “slumming” (any ole get down with any ole thing…” – this cracked me up!
disco
February 25th, 2013
11:52 am
DB – I was sitting here wondering where the men folks were. would have assumed you all were off somewhere hooking up except for the fact that the “blog gents” are all so upstanding and whatnot. lol.
btw, a lot of chicks who do marry young and then divorce 10, 15, 20 years later find themselves out there hooking up too. of course “blog ladies” I’m certainly not saying any of you do or did that, just saying that some do.
Button
February 25th, 2013
11:54 am
Dirty – either it’s a hook up or dating/relationship. lol
how can you get a hook up out of a relationship?
Dating is getting to know someone – they want to get to know one another and there is the prospect of a future relationship- whether it be short or long term.
hooking up is just about gratification.
MsAtl
February 25th, 2013
11:55 am
DuShawn- You can go straight to the corner for using “moral convictions” and “mistress with longevity” in the same post…
For Real
February 25th, 2013
11:56 am
What blog fam!
On topic: Everything is a hook up until both parties decides otherwise. I’m sorry but it shouldn’t take an adult longer than 10 mins to know who they are dealing with.
Also, Why do some women believe having sex means they don’t respect themselves? You are an adult and it’s yours do what you want to do with it while someone wants to do something to it or you will be sitting all alone with your respect.
Button
February 25th, 2013
11:57 am
disco – how do you know?? lol
you say it as if it is true!
Leggs
February 25th, 2013
11:58 am
I kinda feel sorry for those women who feel then need a man under them to feel womanly. Out of one relationship and quickly jump into another one (sexual). Give your heart, body and mind time to heal. Unfortunately, some just don’t believe in this. Too many JLo’s walking amongst us.
Leggs
February 25th, 2013
12:00 pm
MsAtl ~ I was waiting on someone to touch that. I knew someone would (lol).
Button
February 25th, 2013
12:00 pm
For Real – I’ll sit in my corner with respect cold back chilling lol
For Real
February 25th, 2013
12:00 pm
Disco: The blog ladies are hooking too.
buttom: All relationships no matter their type are about gratification. Period!
Leggs
February 25th, 2013
12:02 pm
Also, Why do some women believe having sex means they don’t respect themselves? – I don’t think women think that. If some do, they’re having other issues. let’s turn that around, ForReal, women don’t believe in having sex with me who want them, but don’t respect them other than to have sex w/them. There’s the difference.
Leggs
February 25th, 2013
12:03 pm
sheesh…..w/men
Celisea
February 25th, 2013
12:03 pm
Heeeey, where’s my post?
Button
February 25th, 2013
12:06 pm
5^ Leggs!
In the words of Prince –
I guess I should’ve known by the way
You parked your car sideways that it wouldn’t last
See, you’re the kinda person that believes in makin’ out once
Love ‘em and leave ‘em fast
Everytime I hear hook up I think of little red corvette.
Leggs
February 25th, 2013
12:06 pm
Celisea ~ Dirty Bird may have eaten it.
For Real
February 25th, 2013
12:08 pm
Button: Am I to assume you have never had sex then?
Leggs: So women would prefer to have sex with men that respect them but don’t want them? Come Leggs that’s just “women speak” to make you feel good about yourself. You cannot remove attraction from the equation of sex. The day men stop wanting to have sex for the sake of sex is the day we become women which would fugged up!
For Real now wondering if women know the meaning of respect.
Bluzgirl
February 25th, 2013
12:09 pm
Slim – Sorry…I had to step away from my office for a bit.
So….Friday night, Mags and I acted like we didn’t know each other. I didn’t want to start anything, so I didn’t go up to him. Then again, I shouldn’t have to go up to him…he’s the one who said he would give me money next time we saw each other and he chose to not approach me. I was happy and had a lot of friends around and wasn’t sweating him at all! I looked at him and had zero attraction towards him!!! He just confirmed that I did the right thing by cutting him out of my life!
Leggs
February 25th, 2013
12:12 pm
ForReal ~ one thing you can’t do, is to call something women speak to make them feel better. You’re not qualified. Next, you can turn my statement around if you like, but women would prefer someone to respect them, want them, admire them, appreciate them for more things than just her body.
For the record, sir, we know the meaning of respect and that’s why some of you knuckleheads work as hard as some of you work.
Leggs now wondering if ForReal is for real……
disco
February 25th, 2013
12:14 pm
way to go bluz!!!
button – I say it as if it were true because if I know at least one person that backs up my statement of “some do” then that makes it true. plus while I know there are some unique individuals in the world, I doubt the ones that I know are all that unique.
Dirty Bird is going to tell the truth! Yes I am
February 25th, 2013
12:15 pm
@Button, I stated relationship because some want to call it a relationship, when something last for only a short period of time you are basically hooking up. Some women like to justify their action for some reason. Like that makes them feel better about their decision when they call it a relationship instead of hooking-up. Hooking up with someone does not always happen when you first meet someone. Often times you find not available at that time, then later you hook-up with that person for sex or possible a romance. Women need to be truthful about the sex capades to themselves. Know thy Self..
Who wants to hook-up First? lol
Bluzgirl
February 25th, 2013
12:15 pm
Dirty – Cracking up at your 11:45! You made my day! LOL!
Celisea
February 25th, 2013
12:17 pm
Why do some women believe having sex means they don’t respect themselves? You are an adult and it’s yours do what you want to do with it
IMO……..Because repeatedly giving yourself away (like government cheese) means you ain’t respecting your temple, and that behavior will eventually take it’s toll. Again, the vast (not all) majority of women are unable to give themselves sans emotions, heart and soul getting pulled in. Giving your all over and over only to get nothing in return will turn the insides black. That behavior will only have you coming up empty, eventually leaving nothing but a shell. The body was not intended to be a tool. Yeah, it’s yours to do what you please but misusing and mistreating will have unavoidable ramifications.
Celisea
February 25th, 2013
12:20 pm
Leggs – Celisea ~ Dirty Bird may have eaten it.
Doh
Dirty Bird is going to tell the truth! Yes I am
February 25th, 2013
12:22 pm
Quite Leggs, Celisea does not know I am collaborating with the Wise One regarding the 1/2 hour ban I instituting when she states she is busy and will blog later.
I would say quite a few women do not know what respect is, their is so much crazyness going on with relationships right now and women are right smack in the middle with their no respect knowing azzes. lol
Bluzgirl
February 25th, 2013
12:23 pm
I haven’t always respected myself, but have definitely come a long way. I feel, though, that if I want to just hook up with someone, I’m not disrespecting myself. I’m doing what I want to do…
Bluzgirl
February 25th, 2013
12:25 pm
Oh…thanks disco! I’ll bet folks thought I was gonna fall back into the trap! Even had he come up to me, I would have been nice, but would have made it know that he needed to KIM! LOL
DuShawn
February 25th, 2013
12:29 pm
“Because repeatedly giving yourself away …….”I think that’s taking it to an extreme. There is a huge difference between occasionally “hooking up” with a friend for some meaningless sex and defiling your temple with frequent multiple penises.
MsAtl
February 25th, 2013
12:30 pm
In my opinion, just because a “relationship” lasted only three months, does not convert it to hooking up. Hooking up is a mindset. You go into it wanting just the tail, nothing more. That is all you want and all you expect. If you go into something with the intent of having a relationship and the other person is deceitful and just wanted a hookup, that does not change your thoughts or feelings with respect to what it was no more than it does when one partner in a marriage cheats. That is why if you want a relationship, you should try to get to know the person and their intentions prior to jumping into bed. If you want a hook up, then by all means…
As far as respect, I know what it is; I expect it; and I demand it. If you cannot give it, then you will not be in my life.
Celisea
February 25th, 2013
12:40 pm
There is a huge difference between occasionally “hooking up” with a friend for some meaningless sex and defiling your temple with frequent multiple penises.
And again, back to one’s mentality because anything meaningless, whether ocassional or as a way of life, for me, is empty. I don’t do anything meaningless. That may sound all good too shoe-ish, but I don’t want you to waste your time and you dang sure ain’t gonna waste mine.
Leggs
February 25th, 2013
12:41 pm
Bluz ~ nice read. Ok, he owes you gas money! Chalk it up to game. It’s not like it’s a car note….what do I say….NEXT!
You got it, MsAtl. If you’re in a relationship for some time and it doesn’t last, doesn’t mean it was a hookup. It means you two realized, or one of you realized, you couldn’t continue with each other.
Celisea
February 25th, 2013
12:42 pm
Y’all ain’t gon believe how my hair looks…lolol This is week eight and touch-up time. I mean, I got home late and went to bed “as is.” Hot mess. I almost tempted to get out the straightening comb…lololol If I can juuuuuuust make it until Saturday. I think Imma wash and roller set it. That might hold me over a few days.
Slim Nu
February 25th, 2013
12:44 pm
Hi my name is Slim and I had a hook up pahtna back in school. We both knew what it was. We had fun together. There, now a blog chick has admitted to hooking up without a relationship or trying to justify it as something more….but we were friends though
Bluzgirl
February 25th, 2013
12:44 pm
Leggs – Yeah…it’s not like he owes me a couple hundred dollars like the Ex did (which I never got and gave up on)! Like I said in the past, it wasn’t about the money, it was about the principal. He went back on something he said he would do and then was disrespectful about it. Glad to be DONE!!!!
Slim Nu
February 25th, 2013
12:45 pm
Meaningless sex is an oxymoron isn’t it….otherwise, why do it? We have sex for pleasure so unless it’s forced upon you, it isn’t really meaningless, right?
disco
February 25th, 2013
12:46 pm
slim – since that sounded all like A.A. I’ll say “Hi Slim” (so you see I’m at the meeting too). lol.
disco
February 25th, 2013
12:47 pm
slim – I always say women have sex for either love, lust or money.
Slim Nu
February 25th, 2013
12:48 pm
Bluz – Yeah you need not let them few dollars get under your skin like that. If anything, think of it as payment for him to go away. POOF! lol
Bluzgirl
February 25th, 2013
12:49 pm
Hi Slim and disco! My name is Bluzgirl and I too have had hook up partners in the past!
It makes you wonder about all the people who act like they are holier than thou…it’s not a bad thing to just have a hook up here and there. I can see if you are hooking with a different person every night, but even then…no one should be judging…
Dirty Bird (Hook-Ups are good) Yeah!!!
February 25th, 2013
12:50 pm
That is true the body is a temple and we have to be careful what we put in it. What more important is how you think about yourself if your self esteem and confidence is high then making decisions such as hook-ups does not weigh you down mentally. Safe sex hook-ups can be very relaxing mentally and physically.
I’ve had a few women tell me I used their body up, I simply state, I wanted to get it ready for the next person. Now you may go out and spread good joy among the men population because now that body is ready! Yes it is….
Many women hook-up with their mate after they have broken up….Yes they do…It is still a hook-up…. Yes it is!
disco
February 25th, 2013
12:55 pm
DB – some years ago about 3 or 4 of my acquaintances were sleeping with their ex-husbands. I wondered if something was in the water? lol. one of them had an ongoing thing with the ex-hubs for years. they are still on again/off again and have been divorced close to 15 years. I think the others were just lonely and the ex was there.