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Dating: Are we too gullible?

There is a lot to be said for being cautiously optimistic. Actually, I think a healthy does of cynicism could prevent a lot of heartache for some of us. Those dating misadventures that have some sort of betrayal or deceit usually happen when people are way too trusting. I truly believe some of us are too gullible!

It’s the reason shows like Catfish exist. It’s why someone can have a husband/wife at home, while they date you. I get so fighting mad when people don’t think to ask the right questions. You don’t have to have an interrogation on a date, but if you feel something is off – why not just ask questions outright?

Why do you think so many people are gullible in dating? Are we so ready for a fairytale that we will buy any story that is sold to us?

How can you find a balance between being too gullible and becoming distrustful of everyone?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

169 comments Add your comment

Celisea

February 22nd, 2013
6:47 am

Diva, the first two lines of your post are words to LIVE by. I can listen to a dude all day but if what you say don’t align with what I hear and the gut feeling I get is overwhelming, I’m not ignoring. Actually, dudes will accuse you of being cynical, IMO, as a way of getting you to let down your guard. Nuh uh. Be guarded, stay guarded and protect your heart. Folks with true intentions don’t and won’t sweat you being too guarded or too cynical, I should say. Trust folks when they prove to be trustworthy. And that should happen from both ends. No you ain’t gotta hop through hoops, but you dang shole better be doing what you saying, meaning what you say and saying what you mean. Otherwise, consider me little Miss Cynical.

Gotta get a jump on the day :mrgreen: I’m doing a couples retreat this weekend (the same couples that I went to Savannah with). Too much info? My baaaaaad!

BBL…….maybe

TOODLES, for now :)

Oh, one more….Lady and I had a really groovy lunch Monday. She’s a smart gal and I think I’m gonna adapt and adopt her method :) She knows what I mean

Lee

February 22nd, 2013
6:50 am

Without trust you will have no relationship of any kind.
1. What someone tells you, does it make sense? If it doesn’t question further.. if it still does not seem to add up. Call it a day
2. Are their words and actions in sync
3. Is the person full of excuses
At first you have no choice but to take someone at their word, that is all you have to start with, as you date you will find out if they are telling you the truth or not. Lies always come out. Some are just better at lying than others but it will still come out.
TGIF

Exiled

February 22nd, 2013
8:23 am

Actually, I think a healthy does of cynicism could prevent a lot of heartache for some of us.
….eghhh eghhh

Especially if u have been taken, a time or two..or three…..which in effect, is a reflection on YOUR OWN JUDGEMENT…when the Dating wheels have come off as it were,figuratively, and now what u do is date and the first guy that hollas with a wide smile,confuses and makes u hmmmm,coz u hengry for some….you basically now hoping some is gon stick.

Ofcourse some or a whole lot is gon miss….and then u be pouting that dudes scheme and jive….

At that point in the game and age, dudes just wanna hit….they cant tell u that…..

Problem with u ladies is u lie to ur own psyches and u grade urselves same way u did, 10 years ago! U aint the same any more..dudes dont look at u the same way..

You Late!

Exiled

February 22nd, 2013
8:33 am

Cel….so I aint geting a lunch date myself?

What I do, oghhh? :sad:

Lady~Sunshine~

February 22nd, 2013
8:37 am

Awwwwww Thanks so much Celisea & when I grow up I want to rock & roll just like you!!!!! Love your style just as much~ I am glad we are friends and lunch was fantab! :-) You made my Friday sis! ;)

Celisea

February 22nd, 2013
8:47 am

Mmello – I’m cool with anybody….lol You want lunch? Pick a date……lol

Lady – You got girl! This is a fantab age. I can’t wait for you to get to this point. I’m LOVING it!!!

Celisea

February 22nd, 2013
8:48 am

I’m glad we are friends as well :mrgreen:

Leggs

February 22nd, 2013
9:04 am

Personally, I don’t understand shows like Catfish. I mean, how people can be in relationships and never met the person for years, even months. Just weird that people are that gullible and fall in love and hand over their life to another and never have met.

Good morning, good morning.

disco

February 22nd, 2013
9:11 am

good morning. gullible in dating? heck, some folks are just plain too gullible period. in all aspects of life. sucks to be them.

ex – some chicks are trapped in a time warp thinking/wishing they were their 10 or 20 year ago self. still others are just coming into their dime years and they know it. don’t hate if their choices reflect that they know they are all that.

Hazel

February 22nd, 2013
9:29 am

You also become gullible or choose to be gullible
when you are desperate and choose to ignore certain signs. Others just dont know any better. My friend knowingly believed the guy ( he had a gf of 7 or so years)who stood her up several times and is now in a relationship with him. She is choosing to be gullible.

Leggs

February 22nd, 2013
9:33 am

Hazel ~ seems like she’s choosing to be accepting because a little piece of man is better than no man in her eyes!

Celisea

February 22nd, 2013
9:35 am

Finally made it in….whew! We’ve not had good weather consistently now for a few weeks. That’s okay though, cause Imma be all snuggly this weekend :mrgreen:

I can’t say I’ve EVER been gullible. I’ve listened to folks (to see where they were going) and I’ve mentioned before on here, TRRRRNA learn to pace myself over the last few years. I say that because there used to be a time I would call BS, before a dude got it out of his mouth good…lolol But, for the sake of giving some dudes the benefit of the doubt, not that I’ve been bamboozled, I’ve sort of tried to display a bit more patience. After a while though, Imma call BS….lol Like I said, never been gullible, if anything it’s been old meanie or too quick on the gun for cutting folks off or just too cynical :shock:

Alright, I gotta get out of here early so I gotta work

Toodles!! :)

Single and Happy I Digress!!

February 22nd, 2013
9:36 am

Hey all

Are we so ready for a fairytale that we will buy any story that is sold to us?YEP
And that’s all I got say about that!!

Exiled

February 22nd, 2013
9:40 am

a little piece of man is better than no man in her eyes!

…thats interesting!

Maybe the chic has that outragous libido like that other woman we read about weeks ago….in that case, i can excuse her if she loks the other way so she can be serviced.

@Hazel..in my days, i wld always find out if the chic had another boyfriend but was giving me game time as well…i was the dude that turned lemon into lemonade….
once i know she has another dude but is “lying” to me(i had a network of eyes and ears to tell me) so i wldnt bench her str8 away. Nope.

I would just pretend i dont know her shenanegans but increase my smashing rotation with her from say, once a week to 3,4 plus times a week or more…..then reveal to her later that I know after i had put the coochy trhu some serious work! :lol:

Celisea

February 22nd, 2013
9:42 am

MMeello – in my days, i wld always find out if the chic had another boyfriend but was giving me game time as well

:shock: SMH

disco

February 22nd, 2013
9:46 am

hazel – in a real relationship with him or in a relationship in her own mind with him? I’m just a bit confused on the circumstances.

re man sharing. I’ve had a man or two not come clean about his main woman but that mess always came to light and boy were they surprised when it did. now have I ever been the sidepiece chick? yep. but I need to know going in so I can set the terms. don’t try to trick a sister.

Hazel

February 22nd, 2013
9:47 am

Leggs- well, yes exactly. In her case, he was the only one who gave her some attention. Should i feel bad for her? NO I dont. I do hope that he doesn’t play her like he did before and to other women. smh.
@ Exiled – well.. that’s what karma is for sir.

Exiled

February 22nd, 2013
9:49 am

@Disco…update plz on the swiss brother u been oogling?

made moves yet?

betch u scarred…crazy white chic might come after u…

Leggs

February 22nd, 2013
9:49 am

Celisea ~ don’t forget about the beautiful weather we will be having Sunday…high of 65!

disco

February 22nd, 2013
9:51 am

ex – please. me? scared? never that. haven’t seen him. from what I understand (and you know I did some sleuthing) it may be a couple of weeks or so before we cross paths again.

Exiled

February 22nd, 2013
9:52 am

this is beautiful weather…..what!

cooffee on deck,hot buns..a lady or man with u in the house,slow music, maybe some wine, light a fire in the liv room…cuddle….

Comeon…this is loving, baby making weather!

people!? smh :lol:

Leggs

February 22nd, 2013
9:53 am

Hazel ~ I wouldn’t feel sorry for her. She’s grown and she knows she’s being gullible.

But, ummm, you say he’s the only one who gave her “some” attention. I’m sitting here thinking does she look like a moose or something. Again, for some “some” is enough. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Exiled

February 22nd, 2013
9:54 am

so Disco..u dont even have his dial..u aint talking to him on the phone on the regular..

oh girl, ur plan is premature..

sister gotta do some work

I want u to get that man! :lol:

disco

February 22nd, 2013
9:54 am

leggs – look like a moose. lol. I had a cousin that we used to say looked like Bullwinkle. yeah we were wrong for that.

disco

February 22nd, 2013
9:56 am

ex – trust me my plan trumps your plan. stay in your lane playa. I got this ma-a-a-n.

Hazel

February 22nd, 2013
9:56 am

@disco – oh its a full fledged relationship. this man had stood her up several times.. and now she is giving him a chance after he tried to cheat on his ex-gf of almost a decade. And the man claims to be in love with my friend. Go figure

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

February 22nd, 2013
9:58 am

Morning Pees…. glad to read you all today :)

O/T… Stupid is as stupid does…..

Hazel

February 22nd, 2013
9:59 am

leggs- no she is gorgeous! no lie. And I have seen her put down guys who had great careers only because they didn’t have an edge.

disco

February 22nd, 2013
10:00 am

hazel – tried to cheat or actually did cheat? and cheat with your friend or some other random somebody? I’m not even going to touch girlfriend of 10 years because to each his own. lol. well I’m not even going to say I’m mad at old boy. I have to ask though. is he the sorry type? by that I mean are these women supporting him in anyway? does he have to live with them? work off and on? what’s his deal?

Leggs

February 22nd, 2013
10:02 am

Hazel ~ she’s gorgeous and no one is paying her any attention but him? Something’s wrong with that picture because the fat lady up the street with the knobbly knees and bent fingers got a man.

disco

February 22nd, 2013
10:11 am

Leggs – what? a fat chick with wobbly knees and bent fingers got a man and I don’t. ahh hecky naw. lol.

actually leggs, you kind of make me see it in a new light. like folks are always asking why I’m single like I’m the problem (fyi – I’m not the problem – lol). as far as I’m concerned, the prospects ain’t hitting on nothing and so I’d rather be alone than with a joker. hazel, any chance your girl is simply giving up/settling?

Exiled

February 22nd, 2013
10:11 am

good Disco…glad u got this sis! :lol:

we need some color in our geneology!

Bluzgirl

February 22nd, 2013
10:15 am

Good morning all!

I can admit that I’ve been overly optimistic and gullible in the past. I vow to be a little more cynical and wait a bit before I trust someone. This goes for just friendships as well. My mom has always called me her eternal optimist and it just hasn’t worked out that well because I end up getting hurt. Well…I’ll still be optimistic, but will be cautious as well…

I’m so excited and nervous today! I get to sit in with my friends tonight during their show!!! The thing that has me a little nervous is seeing Mags. I’m glad I’ll have at least 4 strong women around me so that I don’t become weak around him! LOL

Leggs

February 22nd, 2013
10:17 am

disco ~ I’m asked the same on being single. In same boat with you.

Good luck Bluz, you’re not over Mags. When you can be in the same room and not get weak, you’re cured (lol).

disco

February 22nd, 2013
10:18 am

ex – speaking of flavor (see I took color out of the equation), I plan to hit a Cuban spot this weekend. really looking forward to the food and the music and if I run up on a sexy latin lover type I won’t be mad. while I’m not into calling men “daddy” I don’t have a problem with calling them “papi”. lol.

Leggs

February 22nd, 2013
10:20 am

Bluzgirl

February 22nd, 2013
10:20 am

Leggs – It’s weird cause I feel like I’m over him, but won’t know for sure until I see him tonight. I will definitely watch what I drink cause I don’t want to fall down that same old path! I keep repeating to myself that HE’S NOT WORTHY!!! :-)

Leggs

February 22nd, 2013
10:21 am

Bluz ~ you’re not over him. Not just yet. Plain and simple.

Leggs

February 22nd, 2013
10:21 am

O/T: Did you guys happen to hear about the two young men that pulled up to the back of a Hooters (I think it was Hooters) to steal their ATM machine. Well, they got a machine but they were too young to differentiate a ATM machine from a Jukebox. I cracked up. They had never seen a Jukebox before. Well, I know I’ve never seen an ATM machine with lights that a Jukebox machine would have. I swear, these youngins are clueless (LOLOLOL). I think they were 18.

Hazel

February 22nd, 2013
10:22 am

@ Disco – the dude already had a gf and was trying to talk to my friend and asked my friend out on several dates but stood her up on most of those as he was with his gf. My friend found this out later and now is dating him and the guy claims he broke-up with his flame of 7 years +++. And yes he is the typical sorry type. player on a budget!

Hazel

February 22nd, 2013
10:25 am

Disco – Im too scared to ask..if she is settling or desperate. I think its both personally. WE used to be bff’s now just friends. I can’t keep up with someone who is ok with betraying another woman like that.

Bluzgirl

February 22nd, 2013
10:26 am

Leggs – that is freakin’ hilarious! Imagine the looks on their faces when they tried to bust open the machine and only got quarters!!!

Hazel

February 22nd, 2013
10:27 am

@ disco – i love what u said. rather be alone then be with a joker. No jokers allowed.

Sexy Tool

February 22nd, 2013
10:31 am

@Bluz- you don’t care about him, you just want to be porked!

kimmie

February 22nd, 2013
10:31 am

Morning Gang!!

On topic – I think we all have been a tad gullible a time or two, especially in our youth. But hopefully you learn better and do better. I say hopefully, because that’s not a given with a lot of people of BOTH genders. So much emphasis is put on women being gullible, but men do it everyday too. A lot of them are caught in a time warp as well. Yeah, they can still pull somebody cause it’s a lot that will take any old thing, but their butts are rusty too.

A lot of folks can’t even put their mistakes off on being gullible. They are choosing to live their situation. If you like it, I love it. I’m so glad most of my friends have it together and just own their drama, whatever it is. I got kids I’m trying to show the right way, I don’t have time or energy to counsel grown folks!

Whachall doing this weekend??

disco

February 22nd, 2013
10:34 am

hazel – to each his own but I’m the chick that says there are spouses and there’s everybody else. if you aren’t a spouse, you’re an everybody else. it’s a dog eat dog world out there. lol. now if old boy was about something I’d say kudos to your girl but it sounds like she’s playing herself while doing the other chick a favor. thing is, I think he’ll get back with the other chick. they’ve got a lot of history. they’ll probably be off and on for life.

hey kimmie.

Bluzgirl

February 22nd, 2013
10:35 am

Sexy Tool – Why don’t you come out from behind the fake moniker and say what you gotta say? I think it’s funny you gotta hide. Second time this week that someone has to hide to say something they think is funny. Get a life!

Exiled

February 22nd, 2013
10:42 am

I can admit that I’ve been overly optimistic and gullible in the past

@Bluz..after that statement, i was about to say,”u listen to ur coochy and not consciense, too much thats why….and then u come with this:…..The thing that has me a little nervous is seeing Mags.

I cracked up! smdh :lol:

Are u a squirter Bluz..how many times in a session do u nutt? :lol:

Exiled

February 22nd, 2013
10:44 am

I do luv ur Thirst though Bluz!

u so real to me..admittedly gullible but real!

disco

February 22nd, 2013
10:45 am

ex – leave bluz alone. I don’t even think your assumption is correct anyway. yeah, she comes off as a little hot in the tail. lol. nothing wrong with that but I don’t think that’s her issue. bluz is truly an emotional being. a self proclaimed eternal optimistic. she sees the best in people. even when they don’t show her the best she sees the best. there’s really nothing wrong with that. she’s just got to be smarter about it. everyone has good in them but not everyone is good.