Dating: He’s making her wait!
Just when I think I have heard it all before, I get a surprisingly candid email from a guy who has a dilemma about delaying sex. He asked his new girlfriend to commit to abstinence as he has. He explained his reasons (spiritual mostly) and expected her to be understanding. She was not understanding.
I was struck my his sincerity in trying to preserve the relationship because he has grown to care for her a lot. If she is unwilling to take the celibacy journey with him, does that mean she is not The One?
I believe that relationships are about compromise. I just don’t know if celibacy is something that can or should be compromised. I don’t think cooking is a deal breaker, but sex/abstinence is definitely an issue that can make or break people up.
The young man wants to know if he should give her a “pass” to get her needs met by someone else – and by pass, he means “don’t ask, don’t tell” me. Would that be a recipe for disaster or a viable option for you, personally?
Dating could be a lot simpler if the celibate people could find and date one another! It is helpful to disclose your celibacy early on. When would you mention that, though? It’s not like you can casually say, “Hey, buy me a cookie? Speaking of cookies, my cookies stay in the jar”. Then again, you can’t spring that on someone after they are practically ripping your clothes off at the end of the date, either.
What is the best way to gauge whether you are on the same page when it comes to sex or no sex?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog
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344 comments Add your comment
Celisea
February 21st, 2013
11:33 am
I can’t watch any shows with Hoarders. That mess makes me sick on the stomach and spoils my appetite.
MsAtl
February 21st, 2013
11:36 am
Celisea- My “jonesing” comment was in reference to your touch-up remark about having to go eight weeks. I have a friend who would try to get a touch-up every 4 weeks because she wanted her hair straight at all times.
Bluzgirl
February 21st, 2013
11:37 am
Hacking into email and reading 5 years worth?!?! That’s a little much, I would say. I don’t think I could move past that anger and distrust…
Celisea
February 21st, 2013
11:40 am
MsAtl – Oooooh, okay gotcha. Yeah, in that regard, I’m jonesing hard…lol I’m really thinking about going back in this weekend for my retouch. This is my second “8 week run.” The first time wasn’t too bad, but dang it’s so drawn up from the new growth. I’m just wearing pinned up. I’m tryna make it eight full weeks…lol
Four weeks is NOT good. Eventually that runs into being overprocessed.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 21st, 2013
11:42 am
Why the hell is she holding on to Five years worth of sexing e-mails from old boyfriends???
Single & Happy
February 21st, 2013
11:43 am
Button, so what are they supposed to do, when you have your own life and your own things going on, you can’t take care of everything and which may also be a loosing battle.
Leggs
February 21st, 2013
11:47 am
My thoughts too, Courtside.
disco
February 21st, 2013
11:47 am
insecure is so not a good look on men. I don’t know why so many men feel comfortable trying it on. if anything she should dump him now not for snooping and tripping but for acting like a daggone whiny sissy boy behind it all.
Bluzgirl
February 21st, 2013
11:49 am
Ugh…I’m in a mood today. Don’t feel well…tired…cranky…
Leggs
February 21st, 2013
11:50 am
My thoughts too, disco…
I’m literally laughing out loud.
Button
February 21st, 2013
11:51 am
Single I know that but if you know your parent have mental issues you may want to keep an eye on them. it could be tiesome and stessful but what’s right is what’s right. Maybe the kids are in denial.
I know right Leggs! – to read 5 years worth of email is just plain ol crazy. He shouldn’t had gone snopping goody for him. For him to hold her accountable for things she’s done in her past is just crazy but some people do that. now he’s looking at her differently, well unless she painter herself as mother theresa then I can’t see why he’s looking at her sidways.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 21st, 2013
11:52 am
LOLOLOLOL
Its always funny when a lady refers to him as a ” whiny sissy boy”!!!
Button
February 21st, 2013
11:53 am
lol – maybe she loves going back down memory lane. Heck I have emails from over 5 years ago but I don’t go back to read them. I need to clean up my email.
Bluzgirl
February 21st, 2013
11:55 am
Maybe she didn’t even realize that she had emails that old. I’m bad about putting emails in folders and not going back to look at them or delete them. Although…after the Ex told me that he was engaged after only 4 months of being broken up, I went through my computer and deleted every single thing that had his name or picture!
disco
February 21st, 2013
11:55 am
leggs – so the other day I’m talking to a friend and she’s venting re her new man. the problem? he’s too sensitive and in her words insecure. she had me cracking up talking about dude had her questioning herself asking “is that how she used to be with her exes”. lol.
Leggs
February 21st, 2013
12:00 pm
disco ~ sensitive and insecure makes for a drama-filled relationship. I couldn’t hang.
Button
February 21st, 2013
12:01 pm
Lunch time
disco
February 21st, 2013
12:03 pm
leggs – she insists it’s mostly good except that he tends to constantly ask where she’s going, who she’s going with, when she’s coming back and then he calls to confirm asking where she is, who she’s with and when she’s coming back. lol. they don’t even live together and he checking like that. I wouldn’t put up with it. she says she’s talked to him and he says he’s going to try to curb it. we’ll see how it plays out.
Leggs
February 21st, 2013
12:10 pm
Why don’t he spare himself and simply implant a GPS system in her honey pot!
I wanted to use another word because I just got off the phone with my cousin, but it’s crude so I’m sticking with the sweeter version (lololol)
disco
February 21st, 2013
12:13 pm
leggs – better yet. he can stop being a whiny sissy boy. lol.
Leggs
February 21st, 2013
12:15 pm
Yep, that would be better, disco!
Leggs
February 21st, 2013
12:17 pm
I want Habachi for lunch, but that’s a lot of food.
disco
February 21st, 2013
12:26 pm
aww leggs. you can handle it. besides, that’s what leftovers are for.
Single & Happy
February 21st, 2013
12:26 pm
once again, Why so much drama? Why do people feel they have to put up with such craziness to have someone?
Bluzgirl
February 21st, 2013
12:32 pm
S/H – After the last relationship, I decided that I just can’t put up with the drama/craziness anymore. That may be why I’m still single a year later! LOL! Really…I don’t mind being single at this point. I’d rather be single than be in another unhealthy relationship…
Bluzgirl
February 21st, 2013
12:35 pm
Any man who makes me feel like (or go) crazy is not the right one!!!
disco
February 21st, 2013
12:40 pm
s/h – what drama? where’s the drama at? who got drama?
Single & Happy
February 21st, 2013
12:43 pm
Disco, the letter with the snooping boyfriend, why???
Celisea
February 21st, 2013
12:44 pm
I am so torn. I’ve been checking out job postings and I would love to try my hand at something else. By the same token, I like how my job is carved but I don’t like everythig about it. I like the freedom and not being chained to a desk or my manager, I like the “limited” travel (I wouldn’t want to do it as much as some of the other roles have to do it), etc etc etc. I don’t like though the load of work sometimes piled on and the “bs” i.e. fakeness you have to keep checked. Oh, and the folks who make it their duty to mind their business and yours. Gotta be smart in how you get that handled. I mean, I’m more than grateful to have a job, but I don’t know if the risk of jumping in somewhere else, will be outweigh the reward. So, I’m not complaining….at all cause there are a number of folks on the team I came from 3 years ago that would kill for this spot, at the same time, I wanna grow and go in another direction. Then I could end up with a meanie for a manager. My manager ain’t exactly sunshine but she’s come around a whole bunch from the time she started. The only thing with that is she’ll flip the script on you in a minute, depending on whether or not it’s an issues that is going to eventually reflect on her. She says she still feels I don’t trust her. I’m working on it, but usually when folks show me they can be dirty, I usually hold to that opinion of them. Like I said, she’s made conscious efforts to blend in better with out team overall, but I can tell it’s an intentional effort and not the same or same level of “sweetness” the manager befor her possess. Too, the hiring process gets really competitive and can be grueling around here.
Just like the cat girl/lady earlier…decisions decisions.
disco
February 21st, 2013
12:44 pm
s/h – nothing. just thought we were past that. thought there was some fresh, new, exciting, entertaining drama and I missed it. I just wanted to make sure I was caught up is all.
Leggs
February 21st, 2013
12:48 pm
disco ~ I wanted to invite a co-worker who’s husband is going thru some serious medical complications. She’s stressed, but can’t make it today. So, we will have Habachi tomorrow.
Celisea ~ I guess you needed to vent (lol).
Celisea
February 21st, 2013
12:50 pm
Leggs – LOL…that was a load off
Decisions, decisions. The last time I mentioned to my manager posting out, she caught herself. She was about to ask why, but I guess thought better. That’s one thing this orgazation promotes is moving up and doing better. Guess that would have seemed like her being opposed. She was saying “never mind” and I was like “naaaw, out with it, you can say it, it’s cool”…and she asked at that point “why, what’s wrong?” She can be cool sometimes.
Bluzgirl
February 21st, 2013
12:54 pm
I really should have stayed home today also. I feel like I’m not doing much here at work. My head is in a fog. Only problem is…if I was at home, I might fall into a depression because today is my “bad” day of the year. I’m handling it pretty well this year, though. My brother is taking me out to dinner tonight.
abc
February 21st, 2013
12:56 pm
Per snooping 5 years worth of girlfriend’s email: my view on communications mediums like email, cell phones/texting, IM, social media and so on is that of a parent. These are ways that children can communication without their parents’ knowledge. In that way they are very bad things. The corollary is that these are also ways that couples can hide communications from each other, also a very bad thing. Requiring privacy of communications in these areas should, in itself, be a huge red flag.
Such a history of emails with such content is analogous to a shoebox full of heated romantic letters, I imagine. Review of them certainly is a window into who she really is. That said, breaking into another’s email account is illegal and prosecutable.
Again, sex and money are about the only things that will break up a couple.
Scool
February 21st, 2013
12:58 pm
@bluz if the guy has a ‘magnum’ you’ll overlook his faults!
Celisea
February 21st, 2013
1:00 pm
I see a REALLY good and interesting position. It’s very similiar to my current role, is a bit more analytical and makes about 5 – 10 grand more. Where I lack is this position dabbles a bit in derivatives. I’ve “rubbed” up against that (and I use that loosly), but nowhere near proficient. Decisions, decisions. I tettering on applying. I have a lot of the other qualifications though the role is seeking.
Decisions decisions……..hmmmmmmm
Button
February 21st, 2013
1:08 pm
even non magnums wear magnums – such foolery
Button
February 21st, 2013
1:10 pm
Celisea whoosa!
Leggs
February 21st, 2013
1:16 pm
That said, breaking into another’s email account is illegal and prosecutable. Too funny, you went there. They’re lovey dovey, she’s not thinking of taking him to court, but that was funny.
Leggs
February 21st, 2013
1:18 pm
Celisea ~ I think you need to reserve a conference room, get pad and pen and write out the pros and cons of applying for the job. We cain’t help you…(lol). Seriously, sit yourself down, quiet yourself down and think it through
Celisea
February 21st, 2013
1:21 pm
Funny blog…. Y’all want me to hush but AIN’T NOBODY TALKING!! And if so, no more than a post here or there. Oh, or cats and tryna decide if bf or cat??
Okie dokie then….y’alls wishes? Y’all got it!
Celisea
February 21st, 2013
1:22 pm
Oh, or Dushawn and the nasties. Nobody tells him to hush. Rather, he’s encouraged. But, um yeah, y’all got it!
Leggs
February 21st, 2013
1:23 pm
Button ~ give us another letter.
Bluzgirl
February 21st, 2013
1:29 pm
Good…..
Button
February 21st, 2013
1:33 pm
Letter 407 – About five years ago, I lost my wife after a lengthy illness. The first year was hard, but I got through it thanks to my in-laws, who never stopped letting me know that I would always be part of their family. (My parents are no longer with us.) Six months ago, I met a wonderful woman I love and want to marry. My problem is that she is very twitchy about my relationship with my in-laws. We call each other frequently and I visit them, and their extended family, a few times a year, including holidays. But any time I mention them or my former wife—such as saying something she enjoyed doing—my girlfriend gets angry or very upset. She accuses me of still being in love with my late wife and not letting go of the past. I’ve tried to reassure her, but I feel that I have to constantly censor myself to avoid setting her off. I don’t want to cut my late wife’s family out of my life, and they are very happy I’ve found someone, but I fear an ultimatum is coming. What should I do?
Leggs
February 21st, 2013
1:36 pm
Awww, my man Ja Rule (yeah I like him) left state prison only to be locked up again by the Feds for tax evasion. I many never get to hear my baby sing again (roflmao).
Button
February 21st, 2013
1:37 pm
lol Celisea who’s telling you to hush?
SlimNu
February 21st, 2013
1:39 pm
If it does get slow in here Celisea, do you feel pressure to fill the silence?
MsAtl
February 21st, 2013
1:39 pm
Wow! Hadn’t heard about JaRule. I like him.
Bluzgirl
February 21st, 2013
1:40 pm
Wow! Of course he still loves his late wife. It’s not like it was a divorce…she died! That girlfriend needs to get the F over it or she needs to go. I have a friend that lost his wife after a long battle with cancer and met his current wife within 6 months of losing her. People judged him, but after so many years of her being ill, he had to let go before. He will never stop loving her and his wife understands that. His wife also lost a previous husband to death, so maybe that’s why she understands. They both are still very close to the in-laws. This girl has some major growing up to do…