I believe there are no more traditional roles. First off everyone has to work, some women don’t get home until late, If you were waiting on me to cook a meal some nights you would not eat until 10pm. More men are being Mr. Mom due to their wife having the better career, there is no one set way–many couples are doing what best fits their lives and has nothing to do with gender.
Time for him to grow-up, or man-up.
Its half way till the weekend. Yippiee

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Hellzz yeah a lack of cooking capacity is a deal breaker.

There are many reasons, but chief among them is the financial. I know what my budget loos like on the 2 days a week we eat out. I couldn’t imagine if we had to do that everyday…..

Man please.

I share in the household duties as needed, including cooking. But I couldn’t imagine staying with a chick that couldn’t – or wouldn’t – cook something, *sometime*. And good food is a given in this equation. Ramen noodles, even with shredded chicken, is not a fracking meal.

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When I decide to settle down, I think it will be with a woman that wants to be a fulltime home maker… I love modern women but think it would be nice for me and my expected family if both parents did not have to work, so yeah, being willing and able to cook would be a plus and being on the flip side of that would present a problem…… ( Plus it would be great if she liked girls as well )

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If a woman can’t cook, how did she feed herself while single? Cookbooks are cheap, and learning to cook, even teaching oneself, isn’t very hard. I taught myself with an old Betty Crocker from the 40’s, so I tend to make everything from scratch. I think that anyone who claims they can’t cook, male or female, is pretty lazy, and/or doesn’t care much about their diet. That said, I don’t know if it’d be a deal breaker for me, if she was otherwise all that, I could probably let it slide.

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dan – it’s funny how many variations on how to serve up ramen noodles one can come up with. I’ve actually never heard of or had it with shredded chicken. lol.

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I don’t really have comments on whether or not NOT cooking would be a deal breaker. Me personally, cooking is not routine when it’s just me and the kid because I did it all of over baby and adolescent years. I did it because I thought it was nourishing to provide a good home, warm nutritious meals included. Part of rearing her though, was teaching her at some point to pick up cooking (cleaning, washing, working), as a means for taking care of herself….not to relieve me of my parental duties. I said all that to say, I don’t do much cooking when it’s just us but for my dude, yeah I cook It’s my pleasure I cook because I feel a good man “deserves” a home cooked meal. IMO, it’s a part of what makes home considered home….again, just my opinion and how I roll On the flip side of that, don’t expect to just lay-up, eat, belch, passgas, get some and that’s all.

A well balanced home, (again, IMO) would be the things both roles bring, upkeep, do, participate, etc etc etc. I don’t blurt out tic for tac duties, but I expect if we’re getting all “gendered” up in my spot and yours, it’s going to be with doing things both roles traditionally perform. I just know from experience that while some men may not take issue with some women cooking (and no biggie to me either), my guess is that all man can likely appreciate a home cooked meals.

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I was raised though being taught that not cooking was just pure D lazy…lol I didn’t say it, my mom and pops did…lol

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My daddy would be irked when I’d come in, go downstairs to my room, shut the door and lay across the bed…..while my sisters was upstairs in the kitchen cooking. He would say (insert mama’s name), you need to make that girl get up and help…lol Ahhhhh yeah, my daddy was “traditional” man, a good man but VERY traditional.

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@disco – I tried ‘em all in college; which is why once I got a ‘good job’ I flat out refused to eat them.ever.again.

To the gender roles, I think button hit it on the head.

I had this discussion with a few friends, and one Big Unc. What we came up with is, no matter what compact the man and his wife have in that house, two things are immutable:

- if somethings broke, he’s expected to ‘fix it.’ Car, window, child (see also, the scene in John Q); and,

- if the the house is dirty, it’s the woman’s fault, never the man’s.

A woman could be President one day….let the WH be dirty…or their personal home….nobody you know will blame the husband.

Likewise, a dude that’s starving because he got with looks over functional skills, that will always be on him: “you knew she couldn’t boil water when you met her, that’s on you.”

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button – I’ve heard that from friends who were stay at home. I get it (and respect their stance even if I do crack on it) but since I’ve seen so many others (myself included) work outside the home and do the exact same “stay at home” duties on top of that you have to understand where I’m coming from on my perspective with that one. in my opinion, it simply can’t be that hard.

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Disco, can’t help it, just the way I am, take everything at face value

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Morning All!

I’ve seen it from both sides of the fence. I was a stay at home mom when I was a young military wife. I got up at 5:30 in the morning to “send” my ex off to PT and starched his uniform and cooked breakfast while he was at PT. After he left for work, I got the kids up and began our day. By the time he got home, dinner was cooked and the house was spotless. He basically did nothing but go to work, no kids, cleaning, etc. At 19, I thought that was what I was supposed to do.
Disco- that ish was hard work.

As a student, then a working mom, I still took care of the home. Granted, it wasn’t as spotless as when I stayed home but it wasn’t filthy either. I learned, though, that even though both of us worked, he was still unwilling to cook and clean. When I asked him to cook dinner, he would call for pizza.
Dan- you are right! I have yet to hear someone say “that man is a pig”, if the house is dirty.

I don’t know that cooking should be a deal-breaker. I guess it would depend on whether she flat out refused to cook at all and refused to learn. However, he can cook also and like Button said, there are always cooking classes to make it fun.

I have always cooked because that is the way I was raised. I was glad that I was able to give my kids a home cooked meal at least 5 days a week. Now that my kids are gone, I cook 1 or 2 days a week, but I cook for 4 days at a time.

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MsATL Dan, even being single, when someone comes to my house, and it’s not spotless, , it’s either I need to get me a good woman, or a maid service, not I’m a slob!!

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s/h – don’t worry. if I came to your spot and it was janky I wouldn’t suggest a woman or a maid service. I’d straight call you out on being nasty. I might even question your home training. yep. I’d go there. “didn’t your momma teach you anything?”.

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Disco “I know and by now I should expect nothing less of you.” LOL

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I can see this being a deal breaker for some men. For a woman not to be able to know to cook means an added expense to the budget and one’s waistline. If she’s willing to learn how to cook, perhaps a man may factor this into having a long term relationship. I realize many women don’t cook these days, but it always still surprises me. No offense to those who have eating out constantly in their budget. I couldn’t do it. There’s nothing like the aroma coming from the kitchen, family sitting down together (or just the two of them) to a home cooked meal. And, I don’t mean ordering something from a fancy restaurant and heating it up in your own oven then serving as though you cooked it. There’s no lingering aroma like home cooking.

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I remember cooking black eyed peas the only time I’ve ever cooked them….years ago….lol My girlfriends clowned me relentlessly on that one. I didn’t soak nor use cooking meat. I just put those bad boys on and boiled. The conversation came about because I was saying how long my kid sat at the table over a cold plate. So they asked (we were all sitting around talking), “how did you cook them?” They were all feeling soooo sorry for my kid after hearing all I didn’t do, in cooking them….lololol From that day on, I started calling them WHILE IN THE GROCERY STORE, asking “okay, what do I need to buy/do if I want to make (whatever dish).

See what happens when you lay across the bed and don’t help your sister in the kitchen…lololol

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Hello Good Morning all.

Yes me the original. I AM BACK!

Cooking should not be a deal breaker. I am sure it will cause a conflict within the relationship. But they have cooking classes, shows…GRANDMA’S….Mom’s to fix this. This can be learned. Its the willingness or rather lack of willingness to learn could be the dealbreaker.

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leggs – and that made me think of martin in you so crazy talking about coming home and the house don’t smell like nothing. lol. he’s a nut.

s/h – yeah. that dude needed to be laughed at. a light bulb? really. now don’t get me wrong. I’ve called for assistance in changing bulbs but only because they were too freaking high for me to get to.

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celisea – that’s funny. I have a friend who is child number 10 of 11. needless to say she was simply “in the way” growing up and didn’t learn how to cook. she made greens for the first time and I told her what to do. she figured my way took too long and she improvised and took short cuts. naturally her greens weren’t done right and one of her sisters said they tasted like hot grass. yep. hot grass. and, my girl, MY GIRL, threw me under the bus talking about I told her to cook them that way. this is the same friend whose first thanksgiving turkey wasn’t finished (this might even be the same meal) and her mother wrapped it up to take it home to finish cooking it. I told her she had to come clean and let her sisters know that she messed up, not me. hot grass. we still laugh about that to this day.

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courtside – the chicks on yesterday’s radio call in show would. me? uhn uhn. I’m good. he’s good. we’re good. I’m not putting down those who feel being a stay at home was challenging I’m just saying I’d handle it like a champ. the friend I discussed it with last night brought up a mutual friend of ours who got married a few years back. his wife doesn’t work. they have one child. he comes home from work and old girl hasn’t done anything. he has to cook, clean, do laundry, chauffer the kid, all that. now I don’t know what kind of mojo his wife is working with but all I can say is dang.

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MsAtl/disco – I felt sooo bad after they clowned me…lol My kid knew whatever was put on her plate to eat it (me somewhere tryna teach being thankful). Well, danggit I guess it would need to be at least cooked right, in order to at least consume it, let alone enjoy it…lol And the look on her face was “I don’t see you eating them.” I tasted and was like “ugggh.” I know, that wasn’t right. From that day on, I forced something down that I required of her to eat. Better than that, I started learning how to cook stuff before sitting before her.

disco – The collard greens story is just plain pityful…lol I can say, I knew without asking on that one, to wash them bad boys thoroughly (so you ain’t eating a worm or bug). I’m talking the collard bunched from the ground and tossed on the veggie truck. Not this new aged “already cut up and prewashed” type stuff. Even though, I go that route now. But back to your friend, everybody knows if you don’t work on collards and do them right, yeah you’re only eating cooked grass…lololol I know you talk about how well of a cook you are, so I don’t think folks will buy you setting her up to fail like that!

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I can’t recall who said it, but a man with a stay at home wife/girl “only laying around farting, eating and expecting sex” is the dumbest isht ever. And what else does he have to “bring to the table” but , I don’t know…working to pay the bills…for the vacations…Christmas, birthdays, Mother’s Day, emergencies…et al.

That was a dumb statement.

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“hot grass” is funny as hell.

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I’m just amazed at how some folks are natural when it comes to cooking. My mama could throw down like no tomorrow. I have an aunt that passed a few years ago that would just make you sing while eating. And mama and ‘nem didn’t use cookbooks and stuff. They just did it and knew when pinching, dabbing, shaking adding, stirring, browning was just right. Yuuuuuuuummmmmmm

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naturals

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Disco & Celisea- I guess it was hard work for me because I wasn’t the traditional stay at home wife/mom. Add OCD with being taught by a southern mom. When I told other women what I did all day, they looked at me like, what? You really starch his uniforms; you really do (fill in the blank)? Man, I even had those two military creases along the top and creases going down, lol. I worked longer hours than he did. Food was made from scratch, cookies made from scratch with the little gingerbread men dressed and everything.
One of my military friends from @ 25 years ago called me and asked for my carrot cake recipe. I told her I didn’t remember it because I use a box mix now. She dropped her phone. She couldn’t believe it because she used to call me Martha Stewart and Betty Crocker.
Hmph! Now I will grab a box of cake mix in a heartbeat and those gingerbread men don’t need no clothes; give them 3 buttons and call it a day!

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MsAtl – Yousa good one…lol I don’t know if I could have done it THAT way. Starching his uniforms? Ummm, can you say drycleaners??? LOL I’m kidding but I feel you. That’s that little extra the normal stay at home moms don’t encounter. Yeah, that would make it a little more stressful and harder than normal.

I would not do a stay at home dad…period. IJS

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C – re singing while eating. I don’t know any singers but I know several folks who hum when the food is good to them. and my mom’s twin brother shakes his foot. it’s so funny.

courtside – apparently there’s been an upswing in stay at home dads. I only know one personally. (don’t get me wrong I know a lot of no good jokers who stay home but I don’t put them in the same category). for me, a stay at home man is not an option. perhaps if/when I’m older and he’s legitimately retired but beside that I don’t see it happening.

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we might need to hush on the cooking tip. I’ve been wanting some smothered pork chops for a minute. now y’all got me thinking about greens and black eyed peas too. y’all need to save these convos for Friday afternoon so a sister can go into the weekend motivated.

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disco – The first line of your 10:41 and I knew where you was going with that….lol I have a friend who is almost 40 and rocks or pats her feet while eating….lololol

A stay at home man will be when we both retire and stay home. Me on the grind while he wears an apron, watch soaps (can’t say kids cause I ain’t having no more of those) and work out, etc etc etc ain’t happening. IJS

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Leggs – That was just an awful sight…lol But kind of like your story and how we had to do as well. Eat all your food on your plate, don’t drink your koolaid before finishing your meal. No desert if you didn’t eat, got spanked (cause you didn’t eat) or sat there too long. Oh, or got caught throwing it away….lololol That was the funny one. Of eight kids, somebody ALWAYS took the risk and scrapped their food in the garbage. Just not smart or quick enough though. Either they got caught while doing it or got caught cause they didn’t push it too far down in the trash can. Sort of scrapped on top and just left it there. That was mostly one of my brother pulling that dumb move. lol

MsAtl – You sound like me, a person might be dying, going into cardiac arrest but noooooo way can we let them put a dusty/dirty mask on them. Umm, can we wipe this down first? lololol I sooo feel you there. On the crisp clothing. Somebody would have been fried cause I shole would have been making my way to the cleaners on that.

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Ok… Celisea / Disco,

“Me on the grind while he wears an apron, watch soaps”

Would that sound sexist if it were coming from a man???

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leggs – re the childhood drama while eating. I can’t personally relate. lol. I was like mikey. that’s why now I have zero tolerance for picky eaters. when my niece visited for thanksgiving I know she wanted to hire a hitman to take me out. that child was straight unaccustomed to eating. she was willing to snack and eat junk but when it came to food she didn’t like anything. guess what? auntie disco doesn’t care if you like it or not. that’s one week that I was straight cooking up a storm. the poor child told me I was messing with her digestive system. lol.

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“…those gingerbread men don’t need no clothes; give them 3 buttons and call it a day!” – I am hollering, sore throat and all.

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those gingerbread men don’t need no clothes; give them 3 buttons and call it a day!”

I thought that was cute, too

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I definitely understand starching the uniforms. I’ve been told I’m iron like a professional machine. I’ve always ironed everything I wore. Bros, sis and Mama even paid me to iron. I treated wrinkles like Mommie Dearest treated those wire hangers. I still do (lol).

disco ~ I was so dang picky growing up. Nothing really stayed on my stomach. Frozen food was the pits. To this day, I still have never had a pot pie. I fed my child stuff I didn’t eat because I didn’t want her to be as picky as I am. She’s a freaking garbage disposal right about now, which is something of a good thing. I remember a co-worker telling me I must not have been poor enough if I threw food out as a kid. I may be poor and I may be hungry, but I ain’t eating anything and everything. I’ve gone to bed hungry. You know “don’t cut off your nose to spite your face” kind of thing.

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leggs – re ironing. that was my son. in elementary/junior high he wore uniforms and so he took the opportunity to get fly as heck outside of school. I swear I literally watched that boy iron his shoe laces one day. lol. no lie. he stay fresh and pressed. I used to be like “throw something on so we can run to the grocery store” and he’d come out the room like we were headed to the club. lol.

hey kimmie – I am a huge fan of folks cleaning up after themselves. even little kids. if you are old enough to take a toy off the shelf you are old enough to put it back. I’m always tickled when folks say they can’t keep their houses neat because of the kids. whatever. teach the kids to put stuff where it belongs. problem solved.

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disco – Girl, you sound like my mama, she could not stand that “kids” excuse! We had 6 kids living in our house at one point, and you could still eat off the floor! People would come over and tell my mom they couldn’t believe kids actually lived there. Oh we better NOT leave ish every where and not pick up behind ourselves! That mess is not cute. I think folks that use that are really nasty and now they have the kids to put it off on!

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I know a lot of women who take pride in being a housewife! Some housewifes will barf at getting up every morning to go to work slaving on someone else’s job/company.

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@Kimmie

A man couldn’t get a woman to say “yes to the dress/ring” without exhibiting ‘husbandly behaviors’, but the female doesn’t have to audition? Comeonnow…

As for the ‘personal slave’ comment, that was that step and you know it.

Even without my biological around, I saw and heard anough about gender roles to know that the woman takes care of/responsible for the house and those in it, and the man is responsible for making sure the house ,lights, cars, and everything else works.

In an ideal world, they share the responsibilities for those in the house, just in different ways.

Like Chris Rock said, “child can’t read, that’s mama’s fault; child can’t read becuase there’s no lights in the house, that’s daddy’s fault.”

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kimmie – how about the folks who are always cleaning their house but it’s never clean. lol. I have a few friends who just have janky housekeeping habits. it is what it is.

I think most of us, in some form or another, are in favor of or support traditional gender roles. thing is, I don’t think any of us embrace all roles 100%. we all have our own exceptions. which roles we can work with and which roles we can’t.

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Cel – I’m not a frozen meals person either really. I don’t have a problem with frozen vegetables like broccoli & spinach or corn or some of those stir-frys you add meat to for a quick meal. The only canned I can do are tomatoes for adding to different dishes. Err now and then a frozen pot pie or single serving of lasagna, but those whole “tv dinners” like they used to call them back in the day – nope.

There are just so many convenience foods that make “semi-homemade” meals easy to prepare. Bagged salad, minute rice, seasoning mixes, cut-up chicken parts you just season and throw in the oven, baked potatoes or sweet potatoes are easy, the list goes on. There is no excuse you can’t pull something at least edible together that’s healthier and cheaper than going out all the time.

It’s

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I agree, Dan, I agree!!!

I look around at a lot of our aimless young men and skanky young ladies or lazy young ladies and worry. There sense of entitlement has given them no desire to seek and find what they are capable of on their own. AND, those who do seek are learning, but those who care not to seek and content with simply wasting away. It’s sad.

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Kimmie – Exactly. I take advantage of bagged salads and what not. I don’t though, follow recommendations that that stuff is good to go. I’m still “washing” and wiping stuff off….lololol I with you there on the canned tomatoes as well. I think that’s about the only thing I too pop out of a can (not even canned buiscuits anymore…lol). And that’s only when making soup or spaghetti. I even like to get corn from the frozen section and do bootleg fried corn…lol I did that a few weeks ago and it was DELISH!! I’m not shucking (sp) corn though. Nuh uh

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I even like to get corn from the frozen section and do bootleg fried corn…

Cel – I thought I was the only one doing this!!LOL!!!!

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celisea – I was just in aldi last weekend with my eyeballs getting big at some corn on the cob. only reason I didn’t buy it was because I knew I wasn’t in a cooking frame of mind. girl, I will get my little bundt pan out and cut that corn off the cob and make it do what it do. what’s on my blog dinner list so far: collards, black eyed peas, fried corn. check, check, and check. lol.

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Y’all (notice I said y’all) need to do a blog cookoff I would like to be the “taster.”

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C – I love some fresh corn. squash, zucchini, all that. I was the child that ate tomatoes like they were apples, just bit right into them. one of my “country” friends has a garden and she knows to send those veggies my way.

anyway, I’m mostly talking a good game. whether or not I actually get around to cooking depends on how I feel when the weekend actually rolls around. now if I could roll out right now, hit the store and go home it would be on and popping. well guess not since the peas didn’t have time to soak. lol.

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dan – re teamwork. you know there’s different kinds of teams right? lol. me, myself, personally I prefer to think of myself as being on a relay team. I run my leg, you run your leg, if everyone runs their leg we finish in good time. now I can’t be on a team where the benchwarmers are getting the same glory as the starters especially if I’m starting and dude at home is riding the bench. you gotta put in to get out.

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@disco. Any of you ever took advantage of the 2-min soak in boiling water for your black-eyed peas? They don’t have to sit overnight. Trust me.

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leggs – your friend ain’t doing something right. creamed corn and fried corn are two very different things and when you get some good fried corn you’ll recognize the difference.

leggs – I’ve heard of that route for soaking beans but it just “feels right” to do it the way I watched grandma do it. as a kid I almost thought it was magic the way the peas swelled up. lol.

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No, she’s doing it right, was even featured in AJC for her fried corn. I’m talking about the visual issues I have with food. Nothing like cream corn, but that’s what I see when I see the corn in the frying pan in all that butter and bacon fat or whatever it is she uses. Perhaps your right, she may be making it wrong, but she was definitely praised forever about her fried corn.

kimmie ~ not sure why it wouldn’t work. Use the 2-min soak, drain then pour your pot likka you’ve been creating with your smoked turkey necks for quite some time and continue cooking seasoning to your tastes.

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Leggs – naw. I’ll take it back. I trust your friend is doing it right and you are looking at fried thinking creamed and it’s all in your head. lol.

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Leggs – Some simple things just don’t work out for me in the kitchen, like you know I told you all about my issues making rice. Sitr-fry, unless it’s the frozen kind, don’t seem to work out too well for me either!LOL!!

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I LOVE okra. My kid use to ask for boiled okra, AS A SNACK…lol Little weird baby She would say (about 3-ish), “may I have a snack?” So I’d open the fridge and freezer and ask “whatcha want”, she would point to the okra….EVERY SINGLE TIME!!! That was always so cute and funny to me. I would boiled enough for about half a bowl. She’d sit at the table and eat it like she was eating a sweet snack or something. She would always amaze folks with her eating habits as a baby/kid. She would eat collards until you made her stop. Oh, and if I (or my sister) was cooking collards, she never wanted meat. Just collards. She NEVER ate ff (i.e. happy meals, hamburgers, etc). The most she ate out was chicken or chicken fingers. I don’t think she had a burger until she was nearly a preteen. Even now, she won’t really eat burgers (sometimes but hardly) and hotdogs? She HATES them.

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Disco – I remember you talking about your mom complaining when she came to visit!LOL!

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MsAtl – Yeah, I can handle Uncle Bens or Minute okay. Just can’t do the real raw kind in the bag very well.

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@Disco

The ‘team’ wins and the ‘team’ loses. One player can pad their stat sheets as much as they want, but that makes them a bad teammate; doesn’t change the outcome of the game.

I once had a QB that scored on a 40 yard TD while I led the way, he crossed the goal line and couldn’t be bothered to give me any dap.

Next two series he got sacked as I yawned.

Not the coaches, nor the other linemen said a mumbling word about it. After the second series, he figured out that the game wasn’t about him, and came over (from that point on) to dap everyone lineman – including the benchriders – after every TD pass or run.

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kimmie – boy oh boy did I complain. the only restaurant that she went to that she didn’t complain about was sticky fingers. every other place had some type issue. she complained at baskin robbins because she wanted a “regular sundae” and apparently regular isn’t on the menu. she even tripped off of the things I bought or had on hand. “when did you start eating this? when did you start eating that?” when I got out of your house and realized I was missing out. lol. my momma is off.

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Cel – Other than the okra, your daughter’s eating habits sound like my little miss. Her “okra” is oatmeal. That child could eat it 3 times a day! We have to go buy the big boxes from Costco and we stay out of milk. She doesn’t do fries much at all. She hates hot dogs, except for corn dogs and even then, she mostly eats the crust part.

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dan – not sure where you were going. only saying I don’t feed into that team player stuff unless the whole team is pulling their weight. I’ve even used that relay analogy on job interviews so they know where I’m coming from out the gate. don’t act like you don’t know the lazy so and so at work who just does the bare minimum but gets by on the effort of the team. bump that.

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Dan –

I understand.

And to be specific, I am kind of particular about laundry. I don’t want anyone else doing mine but me. I want things washed and dried and folded a certain way, using certai products. I am also funny about any man seeing or washing my dirty personals, that’s just the old-school me!

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kimmie – all this laundry reminds me of a dream. yeah my friends are always quite entertained by my dreams. I’ve never done a man’s laundry. shoot, I stopped doing my son’s when he reached a certain age. anyway, I was dating a guy and I dreamed that he brought a heap (yep a heap) of laundry to my house for me to wash. girl, the laundry was tied up in a sheet and bundled up. lol. you know what I’m talking about with the sheet tied in a knot? he rolls up with this sheet filled with laundry and drops it off for me to wash and I went off. I got so angry in my sleep that I had to wake up. when I told him about the dream he laughed and said he knows to never ask me to do laundry. lol.

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My sandwich has to be made the way I want it made. I don’t mean to be a pain, but I don’t like when they plop the mayo down…spread that bad boy across the bread, and I want it on both pieces of bread. I want my meat heated then placed on my bread, a dab of oil and vinegar and when the bad isn’t a big enough dab, I ask for more (lol). Just tiring things like that. I’m not a demanding type person, just don’t give me a sloppily made sandwich. Nothing major (lol).

I’m going to cafeteria now and get a sandwich, and I’ll let people go ahead of me until the one person who knows how to make a good sandwich can wait on me. Yes, I have waited. Now, I can go and stand in line and I’ll hold up a peace sign and she knows to make me the same sandwich. Other than seeing the peace sign, she knows I’m in line for something else. It works for us.

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C – google it. I know it’s a chain/franchise. my mom had ribs, greens, baked beans and something or other. I just remember that she enjoyed it all and didn’t complain about one single, solitary thing. lol.

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dan – ahhh. there you go again. alas I should have informed you that I kind of zone out on sports analogies (other than my relay one – lol). I’m simply not into sports and so I just don’t pay attention. I’m not sure if we have the same bottom line or not but my bottom line is that every person better be putting in some effort. and real effort. not half azz effort.

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If she ain’t cooking,at All,I’m stopping over,eve day,at Rosemary’s after work,because Yes she can cook,then maybe after that filling,ima come home.

Let’s see then how this, being married to a ‘modern’ woman who won’t cook, will last,if at all.

It’s a dating breaker Absolutely!!

How u gonna feed the rugrats??? Mickydee??

Please!!!

Hey MIA!

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evident not evidend….my baaaad

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threat not treat….dern it

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Exactly. Folks pretty much already know one anohter’s habits and what not before taking vows. The only folks that truly got surprised were biblical folks (and mostly they did the dang thing) and puritans….lol In today’s time? Folks already done explored the dang thing. So right, don’t get all testy when I didn’t cook before and won’t cook afterwards. Now, if you require homecook meals or the maintenance man, then that should be evident prior to the vows. Of course and again, ahead of marriage folks ain’t obligated. But “like” and jiving and grooving should be the connectivity where you’re displaying these type things for one another. Now if he or she is a lazy bum, what you saw (already) is what you married….lololol

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disco ~ so I suppose you see my blimpie encounter as basically normal, RIGHT (lol).

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Exactly, kimmie. It’s symbolic, part of the role of housewife/homemaker.

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Cel…the chic was dumped for her lack of cooking skills. She may have said,’I can’t cook’ or tried to cook at her place and it was evident from the hopeless meal that she can’t do it.

Dude is justified to use whatever methodology to assess her competence and or desire to even provide for the man.

In my book there is a distinct difference between being able to cook and wanting to cook,as a wife. Because some women,even though they can cook well,will say,’ I won’t cook!’ They are entitled to that view and stance.

Me personally,I wouldn’t date her, or continue to,let alone marry her!

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Kimmie – We’re seeing eye to eye to day. I don’t play that. The only drawers, sheets, towels, washcloths, I’m washing are the ones I use and my mama’s because she’s incapacitated. Otherwise, my kid and my dude?? Wash your own!!!

MMeello – I agree there’s a difference in not cooking versus not knowing how to cook. I don’t really see anything wrong with your preference. Not to sound contradictory, but by the same token she’s not obligated to cook for you. If you’re not married, it’s not her job. Now, if she “liked” you, she would do it….IMO That’s why I said I don’t necessarily disagree with your stance. If I see signs that a dude ain’t doing the necessary things I think a dude should do, as a standard for me, I’m out of there…by choice, but also know it’s her perogative.

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Now if I “help” dirty it up or it gets dirty in my home, my stuff, then yeah, I don’t mind cleaning But coming in your home or going into my kid’s room to clean and tidy up, naw that ain’t happening.

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“his” perogative…for my 1:25

Dan -Ummm, okay…I guess

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Alright, I gotta grab lunch

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Cel…I laugh when I hear u chics say u won’t do laundry or didn’t do it.

More often than not,u fronting or u never met somebody u liked that much.

In my experience and peer experience,once a chic is really feeling dude,she wants to come ‘home’ and if she gets to really love dude,she’s there often….territorial….remember that word u fronters.

And when there,most often,a worthy chic will do worthy stuff around a dude she likes…clean,cook,wash laundry,buy curtains,suggest improvements or even sponsor minor stuff.

If she don’t offer to do anything without being asked, completely nothing…that’s how dudes assess who to marry and who not to!

So stop with the,’ I won’t do laundry crap!’

Yes you can.

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I knew a chick once that was an okay cook, but the kitchen would be a total disaster afterwards, and she expected me to clean it up, since she had cooked. THAT was completely unacceptable. At first I told her I’d rather cook myself than to clean up her gigantic mess, imagine how that went over.

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Since then I have NOT shacked nor played house…is what I meant.

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Dushawn ~ that joke has been saved in my archives (lol).

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Cel..no u went left.

I’m talking of a kidless chic that dates and visits her guy.

Or eve a mother like u,with marriage prospects, dating a guywho has his own crib

I been pretty good dating chics who are wifey material myself

Too bad I couldn’t have them All

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Kimmie…u never did his laundry?

Did u cook for him?

Did u clean?

Did u bake there in his kitchen?

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Leggs – I hadn’t read your 1:45 when I posted my 1:46 but pretty much what I said and I agree!

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abc ~ I clean as I cook. When dinner is finished, my kitchen is clean, absent the food on the stove. It’s the only way to avoid having a mess. I can’t wait until the end of the meal to clean everything up. Clean as you go is my motto.

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This Sunday I cooked Bar-B-Que chicken, cabbage, my killer Mac and Cheese, stuffing (I can’t front, that was instant), and blueberry muffins. While I was preparing this meal, I noticed my son watching me while his mother and my girls were in the room chilling. I got the radio jammin and I’m in my zone getting my G. Garvin Bobby Flay on, but I couldn’t help but think about the example I was setting for little man. I’m still not convinced it was a good one.

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Celisea ~ I see your 1:46. On point!

Ex ~ no matter how you slice it, you can’t clean up your statement. You’re always trying to spin it differently from your original post. Naw, you date to get married if that’s your plan. The relationship doesn’t always workout, but if that’s the long-term goal of a woman, please believe she’s not dating jerks trying to grab the brass ring! They’re all potential prospects. Not all women date just to smash…

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Cel…when I said u fronting it wasnt personally directed at u…was a general statement at women who say so…single and looking to get married at some point.

For the life of me no matter how jaded,I can’t see a woman with that marriage outlook putting such roadblocks as I hear on here.

Fronting I tell ya!

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Now, that’s a cleanup job with a broken hand, Ex. You are funny and warped. But, you got married, so someone can handle your warpness!

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I will be honest and say that I have done laundry for a man I was not married to. However, it was if and when I felt like it and/or decided to do it. I was not “obligated” to do anything but my own laundry. As for my kids, I taught them how to do their own laundry at 6 or 7 when I saw them putting my clean, folded laundry on the floor or dresser. I clean up while I am cooking so there isn’t a big mess afterward and if you cook, I expect the same thing. I have nothing against me and someone cooking and cleaning together, but as far as doing everything? Been there, done that, not again. If I wanted to be a maid, I would do it and get paid for it!

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Disco – Go on girl, you rockin it!!!

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MsAtl – I hear that. I starting teaching the kid about separating clothes and what not, when she was about 9 ish…I think. I know she was pretty young. I still did them but I’d make her separate and put in the machine. I didn’t allow her to handle the machine until she was about 12.

MMeello – Your 1:57 (1st paragraph), okay

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And when she started washing, I just about had a cow when she put “dryclean only” stuff in the machine….lol At that point, I was back to “overseeing” somewhat, what she was washing. I told her wash another suit and Imma skin you…lol One suit I bought her, I got it for the low low but the orig price was $298 (pricey for a kid) and I told her if I even see it on the floor….booooooy lol

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@Leggs – That’s the message I was hoping to impart, but I’m not sure that’s the lesson he gleaned. As we were eating, he asked me to pour him some more to drink. He’s 9 years old. I’m like “Dude…the refrigerator is right there! While you’re up, bring me some…… (I’m thinking to myself, this lil muffuger just tried me). Later on that night, as I put him down to bed, I gave him some dap, turned off his TV and light….he said, “Daddy make sure my school uniforms are ironed in the morning.” I kid you not. I think he is starting to view me as the primary homemaker and caregiver, further blurring the traditional paternal and maternal roles of the family. That concerns me.

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D – it doesn’t necessarily sound like your son is trying to play you. it sounds like he’s one of those folks who likes being catered to. he’ll probably try that mess with anyone whenever he gets the opportunity. lol.

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Most who want to get married will want to get ‘Their clean,cook,wash on’ before marriage because it just goes without saying….

Yeah, getting MY OWN, washing, cooking cleaning on. Not yours!! You can see me and my house and how I do, when you visit. That should suffice…lololol

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Dushawn ~ well, I now see where you may have concern, but just a tad. Why he didn’t ask his mother about the uniforms is one thing, but he might see you as the primary giver and that’s something you and your wife are both doing wrong. Not just you. “Wrong” may not be the right word, but apparently a shift has occurred and your son has taken notice. Then, he doesn’t care who gets it done, as long as it’s done.

Ex ~ don’t get me wrong, I hear what you’re saying, but when you speak, you seem to group all women in. I don’t hear women who say they want marriage then spit, but I ain’t doing this, that or another. I just don’t hear that.

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lol. y’all are reminding me of last week (I think) when ex said he was going to have dushawn pen his book for him.

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I don’t hear women who say they want marriage then spit, but I ain’t doing this, that or another. I just don’t hear that.

Leggs – I don’t either. Most are saying a mere boyfreind don’t have the right to make demands. Yet as demonstrated by how we take care of our own homes and children, we are more than capable.

But “play wife”? Nope!

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Disco – I totally feel you! And some want the perks from a girlfriend, but don’t even consider you as that.

Naw, miss me with that!

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That’s what I meant to say:

“Naw, miss me with that!” Too funny!

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OMG people. it’s only 3:00. where y’all at? creeping? a little afternoon delight? a party under the stairs? what?

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And some want the perks from a girlfriend, but don’t even consider you as that.

This just so happens allll the time. The game of dating is just outright tainted. No different than dudes wanting to smash, spend the night, “playlike gf/bf”, get meals cooked, drawls washed, etc etc etc….until they can “decide” if they like you enough to say “okay, I guess I’m in. Post sampling and all the other gf/bf activities.

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dushawn – nurture? dang. I knew I skipped something. I was the original “what you telling me for, walk it off” mom. my son and brother knew that if nothing was broken, nothing was on fire and no one was bleeding I didn’t need to know about it. I couldn’t (and still can’t) stand a tattle tale azz kid. my son bust his head open and need stitches and I swear I was ticked because I had to mop the floor. lol.

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Some women nurture more harshly than others….lol

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Cel..u rather we be dating but No smashing because smashing ‘benefits’ the men?

Lol

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Us dudes just happen to hype smashing but in our hearts of hearts we know uall like smashing too

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MMeello – You funny. I didn’t say that…lol Let’s just say, I’d rather smash with an “understanding.”

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Leggs – She looked a little frail to me, understandably so. Yeah, she’ll fully rebound eventually.

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Cel/Disco….why u gotta put a wrinkle on evething u ladies?

Whuaull can’t just blatantly say ‘we love to smash’,Period!’

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Really, Ex? Lots of folk commingle their funds while living together, not married, just living together.

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Mmeello – LOLOLOLOL For you and you only…..

I LOOOOOOOOOOVE TO SMASH!!!!! I love the heart racing, the anticipation, the oooooh and the aaaaahhhhs, the moaning and eventually……..the release

Better?

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Disco – You gotta start watching Justified – it was good last night!!

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I don’t do well with “demands.” If I do something for you, it is because I choose to do it; I do not have to do it. That said, you should appreciate what I choose to do for you. Folks with a feeling of entitlement get on my nerves!
I did the joint bank account/ credit card thing with my ex-husband. I also had my separate accounts, thank goodness. I will not have joint accounts or credit cards with someone to whom I am not married or co-sign on things. Sorry- nope!

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Disco – It’s on FX & this is the 4th season I think.

MsAtl – I don’t do well with demands either. I do wonderful things out of the goodness of my heart and when I feel like it though!LOL!!

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Speaking of cooking reminded me of the young lady I mentioned yesterday that lived in my building. Man, she was a horrible cook. She was Bahamian and a Hotel mgt/Hospitality major. Culinary art was a required course. I just knew she could burn in the kitchen; I had no idea she literally burned in the kitchen. On the days when she had that class, she would leave the crib in the full Chef outfit (mandatory uniform). Often when they tried something new in class she would attempt to prepare it for me at home. She would call me at the office all excited about some “Balsmic wine glazed chicken” she cooked. I would be like “Great baby, I can’t wait.” As I would taste her different exotic offerings, she would watch my facial expressions for the slightest indication of dislike. Occasionally, I would come clean and tell her “sweetheart, let me take you out to eat.” More often than not, I would swallow it with a smile. She was young and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings or discourage her from trying. Just like getting good head, you may have to suffer thru some scrapes and teeth marks, but hey, they gotta learn.

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I shoulda figured by end of the story what it would be…

Later folks (unless something pops off)

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I just had one more out outburst of laughter….whew buddy

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Everyone isn’t a teacher..you need students to determine if you in fact know how to teach (lol). How many have taught How to Handle the Shaft 101?

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You have a point, disco. Couldn’t think of appropriate blog language (lol). How’s this: Suction 101, Room B.

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My former students are now tenured professors………unfortunately at next man University

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Damn….

How to Handle the Shaft 101?
Suction 101, Room B.

I guess this is why I have been having an urge to give donate some time at my local University…..

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