How can cooking be a deal breaker?
One of our MIA blog readers wants to know why her lack of cooking skills got her dumped. No, really. This is the reason she was given! Apparently, cooking was important to a man she had been seeing. He is a strong believer in traditional gender roles and had a real problem that she was unwilling to provide him with home cooked meals when he asked.
I call shenanigans, though. I don’t really believe this was the deal breaker. I suspect there is something else going on here – but maybe I am off-base. It is 2013 and many of the men who are single today grew up in homes where their mothers worked outside the home. Is this going to change the outlook of the average “modern guy”, though?
If women will still be expected to have top-notch cooking skills, will men build and fix things? I’m asking because I once argued with my ex-boyfriend who loved to talk about my sporadic cooking efforts. When I asked if he could change my oil or install brake pads, he referred me to his mechanic friend. I’m just saying, a bit hypocritical don’t you think?
So I want to know, readers. It’s 2013. How can cooking be a deal breaker?
Have you ever been dumped because you didn’t have domestic skills?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
245 comments Add your comment
kimmie
February 20th, 2013
2:56 pm
Disco – I totally feel you! And some want the perks from a girlfriend, but don’t even consider you as that.
Naw, miss me with that!
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
3:01 pm
folks be wanting perks.
DISCO, DISCO, DISCO! You must be in my head (lol). People want perks just for existing. But, in all actuality, they’re simply seeing who’s going to bite who won’t!
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
3:02 pm
That’s what I meant to say:
“Naw, miss me with that!” Too funny!
disco
February 20th, 2013
3:06 pm
leggs – re perks. do you remember the kia optima commercial from back in the day where the parking lot attendant saw smith with a new optima and by the time it got through the grapevine smith had a raise with options? lol.
disco
February 20th, 2013
3:09 pm
OMG people. it’s only 3:00. where y’all at? creeping? a little afternoon delight? a party under the stairs? what?
DuShawn
February 20th, 2013
3:10 pm
Regardless of gender, if you’re an adult and can’t keep your home clean or prepare a decent meal for yourself, it says a lot about your ability to be self sufficient. Whoever raised you did you a disservice. Although traditional roles are now interchangeable, it’s important to emphasize to children that it is the man’s responsibility to protect and provide for the family and it’s the woman’s role to nurture, and maintain the structure and day to day operations within the home. As they develop and observe, they will come to realize that everyone should contribute in all areas. However, at their core they will feel a certain innate obligation to play the positions that were initially instilled.
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
3:13 pm
And some want the perks from a girlfriend, but don’t even consider you as that.
This just so happens allll the time. The game of dating is just outright tainted. No different than dudes wanting to smash, spend the night, “playlike gf/bf”, get meals cooked, drawls washed, etc etc etc….until they can “decide” if they like you enough to say “okay, I guess I’m in. Post sampling and all the other gf/bf activities.
Exiled!
February 20th, 2013
3:13 pm
Kimmie..I’m sure where the ‘demand’ came from.
I asked u if u did such and such before marriage at ur guy and u said yep…
I never made demands. I judged who to marry on what they did or did not and how they carried themselves.
I don’t know if there are African American men out there pouting demands to cook before marriage.
But understand that men,just like women,are going to make an informed decision on what u put out,real self or representative.
disco
February 20th, 2013
3:14 pm
dushawn – nurture? dang. I knew I skipped something. I was the original “what you telling me for, walk it off” mom. my son and brother knew that if nothing was broken, nothing was on fire and no one was bleeding I didn’t need to know about it. I couldn’t (and still can’t) stand a tattle tale azz kid. my son bust his head open and need stitches and I swear I was ticked because I had to mop the floor. lol.
Exiled!
February 20th, 2013
3:16 pm
Not sure
DuShawn
February 20th, 2013
3:17 pm
Some women nurture more harshly than others….lol
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
3:17 pm
I remember that commercial, disco!
Dang disco. I can only imagine what my mother was thinking when I bust my head open and soiled 2 of her towels while we “ran” to the hospital. She had to throw them away.
Exiled!
February 20th, 2013
3:20 pm
Cel..u rather we be dating but No smashing because smashing ‘benefits’ the men?
Lol
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
3:22 pm
Off topic: I was happy to see Robin Roberts this morning. She didn’t look all that “well” to me.
Exiled!
February 20th, 2013
3:22 pm
Us dudes just happen to hype smashing but in our hearts of hearts we know uall like smashing too
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
3:26 pm
Celisea ~ I thought she looked well, but her voice didn’t have all the “strength” it used to have. But, that will change.
I got to work on time and the receptionist was surprised. Told her I woke up 15 mins earlier so I can see Robin Roberts return and take the extra time to actually stand in front of the TV looking at certain things throughout the broadcast. Lo and behold, I was one minute early (lol) when I’m usually a good 15 mins late.
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
3:26 pm
MMeello – You funny. I didn’t say that…lol Let’s just say, I’d rather smash with an “understanding.”
disco
February 20th, 2013
3:26 pm
ex – trust we hype it up too. we might not hype it on the blog, we might not hype it with you guys in particular but we hype it up too. well, at least the hot tailed chicks do. those frigid heffas, I can’t speak for them. lol.
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
3:29 pm
Leggs – She looked a little frail to me, understandably so. Yeah, she’ll fully rebound eventually.
kimmie
February 20th, 2013
3:31 pm
But understand that men,just like women,are going to make an informed decision on what u put out
Exiled – Absolutely. And most of the women on here are saying we put out plenty enough for a dude to make an informed decision without a dude having to demand, request, ask, whatever.
Not wanting to do laundry or open joint bank accounts before a ring was on my finger has never held me back. It was unspoken, and the way I carried myself allowed me to attract the kind of men that wouldn’t even ask such things. I never walked around saying I’m not doing this or that.
I know plenty women who do make such declarations and dudes still marry them. You might not have, but that’s you. I’m of the mindset now that you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Different people are looking for different things.
Yes, not only some AA men, but men of all walks do make demands of all kinds. Every fish is not going to bite, but all they need is one that will!
Exiled!
February 20th, 2013
3:33 pm
Cel/Disco….why u gotta put a wrinkle on evething u ladies?
Whuaull can’t just blatantly say ‘we love to smash’,Period!’
Exiled!
February 20th, 2013
3:34 pm
Joint Bank account before marriage?
That’s a First for me!
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
3:39 pm
Really, Ex? Lots of folk commingle their funds while living together, not married, just living together.
kimmie
February 20th, 2013
3:39 pm
Exiled – Credit cards together, joint accounts, cosigning on car loans, buying houses together, you name it, dating and shacking folks do it all the time, not even engaged! Don’t act like you don’t know!!
Naw, if I’m not wife, I’m not signing nothing with ya!!
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
3:40 pm
Mmeello – LOLOLOLOL For you and you only…..
I LOOOOOOOOOOVE TO SMASH!!!!! I love the heart racing, the anticipation, the oooooh and the aaaaahhhhs, the moaning and eventually……..the release
Better?
disco
February 20th, 2013
3:40 pm
ex – I’ll throw a little bit more of my business in the streets. my friends are still tripping that I did this. so mr. will you have dinner with me for my birthday came to town Saturday to take me to dinner. we fell off a long time ago but a few months ago I had a real ignorant snap and go the eff off moment on him. so Saturday he asks why I went off on him and I ask if he really wants to know. he says yes and I tell him – in short and to keep it clean – because I hadn’t been broke off well in X amount of time. why was that wrong? because he’s the most recent ex and his hurt feelings were written all over his face. LOL.
so ex – do we love to smash? some of us do. dudes just want to be mad because they aren’t the ones to get smashed.
kimmie
February 20th, 2013
3:51 pm
Disco – You gotta start watching Justified – it was good last night!!
disco
February 20th, 2013
3:54 pm
kimmie – what channel is it on? maybe I can watch it online. I’ll do better that way than trying to remember or stay up. lol.
MsAtl
February 20th, 2013
3:56 pm
I don’t do well with “demands.” If I do something for you, it is because I choose to do it; I do not have to do it. That said, you should appreciate what I choose to do for you. Folks with a feeling of entitlement get on my nerves!
I did the joint bank account/ credit card thing with my ex-husband. I also had my separate accounts, thank goodness. I will not have joint accounts or credit cards with someone to whom I am not married or co-sign on things. Sorry- nope!
abc
February 20th, 2013
3:59 pm
Brutal. Nice birthday present.
When I was single, I wouldn’t let anyone else do my laundry. I wind up with some ruined clothes like that. And, speaking for myself, if we’re not married I am NOT washing those dirty drawers, forget about it.
kimmie
February 20th, 2013
4:01 pm
Disco – It’s on FX & this is the 4th season I think.
MsAtl – I don’t do well with demands either. I do wonderful things out of the goodness of my heart and when I feel like it though!LOL!!
disco
February 20th, 2013
4:06 pm
abc – not brutal. truth. you know me – “respect the truth”.
DuShawn
February 20th, 2013
4:08 pm
Speaking of cooking reminded me of the young lady I mentioned yesterday that lived in my building. Man, she was a horrible cook. She was Bahamian and a Hotel mgt/Hospitality major. Culinary art was a required course. I just knew she could burn in the kitchen; I had no idea she literally burned in the kitchen. On the days when she had that class, she would leave the crib in the full Chef outfit (mandatory uniform). Often when they tried something new in class she would attempt to prepare it for me at home. She would call me at the office all excited about some “Balsmic wine glazed chicken” she cooked. I would be like “Great baby, I can’t wait.” As I would taste her different exotic offerings, she would watch my facial expressions for the slightest indication of dislike. Occasionally, I would come clean and tell her “sweetheart, let me take you out to eat.” More often than not, I would swallow it with a smile. She was young and I didn’t want to hurt her feelings or discourage her from trying. Just like getting good head, you may have to suffer thru some scrapes and teeth marks, but hey, they gotta learn.
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
4:13 pm
LOLOLOLOLOL…..Lawd help us, I’m rolling…….
and I’m still rolling….sigh
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
4:14 pm
I shoulda figured by end of the story what it would be…
Later folks (unless something pops off)
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
4:15 pm
Just like getting good head, you may have to suffer thru some scrapes and teeth marks, but hey, they gotta learn.
I’m still laughing…..
Later folks!
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
4:15 pm
I just had one more out outburst of laughter….whew buddy
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
4:16 pm
Funny blog….
Okay last time….Night!!
I’m still laughing
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
4:39 pm
Everyone isn’t a teacher..you need students to determine if you in fact know how to teach (lol). How many have taught How to Handle the Shaft 101?
disco
February 20th, 2013
4:45 pm
leggs – if any woman depending on that class to master her skills we’d all be some non-skill having chicks. lol.
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
4:47 pm
You have a point, disco. Couldn’t think of appropriate blog language (lol). How’s this: Suction 101, Room B.
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
4:48 pm
That’s even worse.
DuShawn
February 20th, 2013
4:50 pm
My former students are now tenured professors………unfortunately at next man University
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
4:53 pm
Good one, DuShawn!
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 20th, 2013
5:00 pm
Damn….
How to Handle the Shaft 101?
Suction 101, Room B.
I guess this is why I have been having an urge to give donate some time at my local University…..