How can cooking be a deal breaker?
One of our MIA blog readers wants to know why her lack of cooking skills got her dumped. No, really. This is the reason she was given! Apparently, cooking was important to a man she had been seeing. He is a strong believer in traditional gender roles and had a real problem that she was unwilling to provide him with home cooked meals when he asked.
I call shenanigans, though. I don’t really believe this was the deal breaker. I suspect there is something else going on here – but maybe I am off-base. It is 2013 and many of the men who are single today grew up in homes where their mothers worked outside the home. Is this going to change the outlook of the average “modern guy”, though?
If women will still be expected to have top-notch cooking skills, will men build and fix things? I’m asking because I once argued with my ex-boyfriend who loved to talk about my sporadic cooking efforts. When I asked if he could change my oil or install brake pads, he referred me to his mechanic friend. I’m just saying, a bit hypocritical don’t you think?
So I want to know, readers. It’s 2013. How can cooking be a deal breaker?
Have you ever been dumped because you didn’t have domestic skills?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
245 comments Add your comment
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
1:26 pm
Now if I “help” dirty it up or it gets dirty in my home, my stuff, then yeah, I don’t mind cleaning
But coming in your home or going into my kid’s room to clean and tidy up, naw that ain’t happening.
DuShawn
February 20th, 2013
1:27 pm
A young couple got married and went
on their honeymoon. When they got
back, the bride immediately called up
her mother.
“Well,” said her mother,”so how was
the honeymoon?”
“Oh, mama,” she replied, “the
honeymoon was wonderful! So
romantic…”
Suddenly she burst out crying. “But,
mama, as soon as we returned, Sam
started using the most horrible
language — things I’d never heard
before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter
words! You’ve got to take me
home…, “PLEASE MAMA!”
“Sarah, Sarah,” her mother said, “calm
down! You need to stay with your
husband and work this out. Now, tell
me, what could be so awful?
WHAT 4-letter words?”
“Please don’t make me tell you,
mama,” wept the daughter, “I’m so
embarrassed, they’re just too awful!
COME GET ME, PLEASE!!”
“Darling, baby, you must tell me what
has you so upset. Tell your mother
these horrible 4-letter words!”
Sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, Mama…,
he used words like: dust, wash, iron,
and cook…”
“I’ll pick you up in twenty minutes,”
said the mother.
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
1:27 pm
“his” perogative…for my 1:25
Dan -Ummm, okay…I guess
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
1:29 pm
And again….IF WE’RE MARRIED I TAKE NO ISSUE TAKING CARE OF YOU, cause just know in that vein, you’re taking care of me.
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
1:30 pm
Alright, I gotta grab lunch
kimmie
February 20th, 2013
1:31 pm
Some seem to think it’s cute to say they can’t or won’t cook/clean/etc. They have an uppity, stank attitude about it. They don’t get it.
Everybody just doesn’t have the knack or enjoy cooking, etc, and I get that. What I don’t get or like is one that’s not willing to pitch in or do what’s best for the well-being of the family.
I dated a guy once that could cook very well. He would cook for his family all the time. That’s the only way I got to taste anything he made. He said he wasn’t cooking for a woman and when/if he married, he SURE was not going to. He was being a chauvanist about it. It was the attitude that stank, not the fact that he could or couldn’t.
Exiled!
February 20th, 2013
1:33 pm
Cel…I laugh when I hear u chics say u won’t do laundry or didn’t do it.
More often than not,u fronting or u never met somebody u liked that much.
In my experience and peer experience,once a chic is really feeling dude,she wants to come ‘home’
and if she gets to really love dude,she’s there often….territorial….remember that word u fronters.
And when there,most often,a worthy chic will do worthy stuff around a dude she likes…clean,cook,wash laundry,buy curtains,suggest improvements or even sponsor minor stuff.
If she don’t offer to do anything without being asked, completely nothing…that’s how dudes assess who to marry and who not to!
So stop with the,’ I won’t do laundry crap!’
Yes you can.
kimmie
February 20th, 2013
1:35 pm
Dan – That’s just it, I would & have done hubs. I just don’t want anyone doing mine!
abc
February 20th, 2013
1:37 pm
I knew a chick once that was an okay cook, but the kitchen would be a total disaster afterwards, and she expected me to clean it up, since she had cooked. THAT was completely unacceptable. At first I told her I’d rather cook myself than to clean up her gigantic mess, imagine how that went over.
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
1:38 pm
MMeelloo – First of all, I’m not sure of your rearing but I’ve had a kid living with me and being raised under me since she was born through me, into this world. I have no need to front when I say we did/do things decent in my house. Can’t speak for you and yours…lol No, I don’t play that “playing” house in front of my kid. And guess what she’s pretty much an adult now but still, as long as she’s living under my roof, I will forever practice decency and decorum IN FRONT AND ALL AROUND HER. I don’t play that. Again, I’m sorry if you’ve not encountered (apparently not) in your lifetime, but you can date, get you some, smooch and schmooze all the while keeping decent. Now when I cohabitated with the kid’s daddy that was the last time I washed another dude’s drawls…lol Since then I have shacked or played house. I’ve had my fun, but I know where to draw the line. If that makes me boring, too square or wreaks of fairytale….shrugs. Not my issue…lolololol
Maybe you just been round nasty chicks…lol Cause it’s plain nasty to be laying up with a dude and you got kids. That makes her nasty and the dude even nastier and no example
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
1:40 pm
Since then I have NOT shacked nor played house…is what I meant.
kimmie
February 20th, 2013
1:40 pm
abc – Although the kitchen is my domain, hubs does have some specialties he does well, like bbq. But you should see me, I’m cleaning up behind him every step of the way!LOL!! He does “try” to clean up, but it’s never to my liking. Plus, I am paranoid about food safety, so especially after he’s handled raw meat, I’m right behind him with the disinfectant!
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
1:41 pm
Dushawn ~ that joke has been saved in my archives (lol).
kimmie
February 20th, 2013
1:44 pm
I won’t do laundry crap
Exiled – Wasn’t crap for me at all, that’s where I drew the line, and I REALLY LIKED and LOVED my now hubs!LOL!!
Exiled!
February 20th, 2013
1:44 pm
Cel..no u went left.
I’m talking of a kidless chic that dates and visits her guy.
Or eve a mother like u,with marriage prospects, dating a guywho has his own crib
I been pretty good dating chics who are wifey material myself
Too bad I couldn’t have them All
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
1:45 pm
“More often than not,u fronting or u never met somebody u liked that much.” – NOT.
More often than not, we’re telling the truth. Why would I do a grown man’s laundry that’s only my bf. And, if you’re my bf, I’m liking you a lot. You a grown man with your own home and your own responsibilities and doing YOUR OWN laundry is one of them. Now, don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of chicken heads falling for this banana in the tailpipe thinking this is a declaration of their love for their man. Naw, baby. It’s a declaration letting him know how you’re easily you’re hoodwinked!
Exiled!
February 20th, 2013
1:46 pm
Kimmie…u never did his laundry?
Did u cook for him?
Did u clean?
Did u bake there in his kitchen?
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
1:46 pm
MMeello – No, you said I’m fronting or ain’t met a dude that put it down like that, so much so to wash his drawers. I have, but I don’t get drunk with it. I’m too old for that. That falls under shenanigans, headgames and jedi mind tricks. We can smash all day but if it’s your bed, you wash your sheets. If it’s my bed, I’ll wash my sheets. IJS
But I’m not a kidless chick, so I can’t speak to those type scenarios.
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
1:47 pm
Leggs – I hadn’t read your 1:45 when I posted my 1:46 but pretty much what I said and I agree!
Exiled!
February 20th, 2013
1:48 pm
Leggs..difference is u dating guys u have no intention of marrying
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
1:48 pm
abc ~ I clean as I cook. When dinner is finished, my kitchen is clean, absent the food on the stove. It’s the only way to avoid having a mess. I can’t wait until the end of the meal to clean everything up. Clean as you go is my motto.
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
1:50 pm
My one before hitting the cafe, before they close, I too clean as I cook….whenever I do cook
BBL
DuShawn
February 20th, 2013
1:52 pm
This Sunday I cooked Bar-B-Que chicken, cabbage, my killer Mac and Cheese, stuffing (I can’t front, that was instant), and blueberry muffins. While I was preparing this meal, I noticed my son watching me while his mother and my girls were in the room chilling. I got the radio jammin and I’m in my zone getting my G. Garvin Bobby Flay on, but I couldn’t help but think about the example I was setting for little man. I’m still not convinced it was a good one.
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
1:52 pm
Mmeello – I think it’s so sad that you’re jaded in your thought processes about relationship and women. I do. It’s just my opinion or guess that you’ve dealt with some really low totem pole women. I don’t mean any harm or trying to come off as being offensive, but to refute EVERYTHING decent posted by the women on here either means you’re purposely being a contrarian or you ain’t been introduce to bigger and better. Again, no offense, but I think 80 percent of what you do/say is to play the contrarian. IJS
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
1:56 pm
Celisea ~ I see your 1:46. On point!
Ex ~ no matter how you slice it, you can’t clean up your statement. You’re always trying to spin it differently from your original post. Naw, you date to get married if that’s your plan. The relationship doesn’t always workout, but if that’s the long-term goal of a woman, please believe she’s not dating jerks trying to grab the brass ring! They’re all potential prospects. Not all women date just to smash…
kimmie
February 20th, 2013
1:57 pm
Exiled – You must not have read any of my other posts. I most definitely cooked, because it’s who I am, part of me. Anyone involved in my life in any way is going to get a homecooked meal or baked good. And yes, to a certain extent I cleaned, especially behind myself and helped out when I was around for a length of time.
But as I said before, laundry and financial entanglements are where I drew the line before marriage. That is just symbolic of a real commitment to me. I never believed in “playing wife”. Either I have the title or I don’t.
Until we make the commitment to each other, though, nobody has the right to demand anything of the other. But with me, a man did not have to squint to see I was marriage material and more than capable of keeping a home.
Exiled!
February 20th, 2013
1:57 pm
Cel…when I said u fronting it wasnt personally directed at u…was a general statement at women who say so…single and looking to get married at some point.
For the life of me no matter how jaded,I can’t see a woman with that marriage outlook putting such roadblocks as I hear on here.
Fronting I tell ya!
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
1:58 pm
It’s a good one, DuShawn. Nothing wrong with the women chilling every now and then and the hubby is in the kitchen. You’re teaching him that although roles can be distinct, some are also interchangeable.
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
2:00 pm
Now, that’s a cleanup job with a broken hand, Ex. You are funny and warped. But, you got married, so someone can handle your warpness!
Exiled!
February 20th, 2013
2:05 pm
No clean up,u misunderstood
I didnt take away my point
My point was essentially directed at women who want marriage but front
Would u put urself in that category
MsAtl
February 20th, 2013
2:07 pm
I will be honest and say that I have done laundry for a man I was not married to. However, it was if and when I felt like it and/or decided to do it. I was not “obligated” to do anything but my own laundry. As for my kids, I taught them how to do their own laundry at 6 or 7 when I saw them putting my clean, folded laundry on the floor or dresser. I clean up while I am cooking so there isn’t a big mess afterward and if you cook, I expect the same thing. I have nothing against me and someone cooking and cleaning together, but as far as doing everything? Been there, done that, not again. If I wanted to be a maid, I would do it and get paid for it!
disco
February 20th, 2013
2:08 pm
okay y’all. how come I just had a perfect stranger from a red light buy my lunch? lol.
kimmie
February 20th, 2013
2:10 pm
Disco – Go on girl, you rockin it!!!
Exiled!
February 20th, 2013
2:11 pm
MsAtl. Exactly what I said!
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
2:12 pm
MsAtl – I hear that. I starting teaching the kid about separating clothes and what not, when she was about 9 ish…I think. I know she was pretty young. I still did them but I’d make her separate and put in the machine. I didn’t allow her to handle the machine until she was about 12.
MMeello – Your 1:57 (1st paragraph), okay
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
2:12 pm
Ex ~ I got what your saying, and in the same breath you say:
“For the life of me no matter how jaded,I can’t see a woman with that marriage outlook putting such roadblocks as I hear on here.
Fronting I tell ya!”
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
2:15 pm
And when she started washing, I just about had a cow when she put “dryclean only” stuff in the machine….lol At that point, I was back to “overseeing” somewhat, what she was washing. I told her wash another suit and Imma skin you…lol One suit I bought her, I got it for the low low but the orig price was $298 (pricey for a kid) and I told her if I even see it on the floor….booooooy lol
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
2:18 pm
Sometimes our cafe makes me ill…I’m eating ff and a diet coke. I get tired of the same ole same ole, prices getting dang increased and the new flatscreen showing “health” stuff
I soooo wanna ask, “oh is that why y’all keep going up? To fund the new flatscreen that NOBODY pays any attention to?” Just irks me.
DuShawn
February 20th, 2013
2:19 pm
@Leggs – That’s the message I was hoping to impart, but I’m not sure that’s the lesson he gleaned. As we were eating, he asked me to pour him some more to drink. He’s 9 years old. I’m like “Dude…the refrigerator is right there! While you’re up, bring me some…… (I’m thinking to myself, this lil muffuger just tried me). Later on that night, as I put him down to bed, I gave him some dap, turned off his TV and light….he said, “Daddy make sure my school uniforms are ironed in the morning.” I kid you not. I think he is starting to view me as the primary homemaker and caregiver, further blurring the traditional paternal and maternal roles of the family. That concerns me.
Exiled!
February 20th, 2013
2:22 pm
Leggs…,I have never met nor seen a woman say.’I want marriage’ but go on to say ‘ I can’t do ish,and ish’ more often that’s a recipe for not getting married.
Most who want to get married will want to get ‘Their clean,cook,wash on’ before marriage because it just goes without saying….
disco
February 20th, 2013
2:22 pm
D – it doesn’t necessarily sound like your son is trying to play you. it sounds like he’s one of those folks who likes being catered to. he’ll probably try that mess with anyone whenever he gets the opportunity. lol.
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
2:23 pm
The loves to bamboozle. I went down there one day to get ff and though the container was looking miiiiighty small, from the day before. So, y’all know me, I asked the manager, “is this container smaller?” And he just looked at me….lolololo I was like “huh?” And he started stuttering uttering and buttering…lol He finally said “yes”, so my next question was, did y’all go down on the prices??? I think I had like what, 10 ff for almost $2.00… He looked like a deer in headlights…seriously I know this sounds like old meanie me, but I’m laughing as I type this. It just irks me cause they’re always looking for loopholes to secretly get over. Take wings. I gotta give it to them, they make really good wings. Well, I guess it was too much of a good things. Folks would be knocking folks over to get, when they first started serving them. Now, it’s paced a bit but still a favorite. So you could get say 8 wings for about 3 or 4 bucks. Now? You get 6 wings, given you to buy a server rather than self serve, a drink about 2 french fries for 8 bucks. Yeah, I’m irked
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
2:24 pm
Most who want to get married will want to get ‘Their clean,cook,wash on’ before marriage because it just goes without saying….
Yeah, getting MY OWN, washing, cooking cleaning on. Not yours!! You can see me and my house and how I do, when you visit. That should suffice…lololol
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
2:28 pm
Not to mention, the dude at the grill will TAKE SOME BACK, if he thinks he gave you too much!! Who does that??? No kidding, I was in line one day and 3 people ahead of me handed their container back and asked “ummm, can I get just a little bit more?” Mmmm hmmm, I think they threaten him to go under on a full portion….lolol Oh, when they asked for a bit more he wrote “2″ on the box to indicate a double order
Okay, off the soap box.
Leggs
February 20th, 2013
2:31 pm
Dushawn ~ well, I now see where you may have concern, but just a tad. Why he didn’t ask his mother about the uniforms is one thing, but he might see you as the primary giver and that’s something you and your wife are both doing wrong. Not just you. “Wrong” may not be the right word, but apparently a shift has occurred and your son has taken notice. Then, he doesn’t care who gets it done, as long as it’s done.
Ex ~ don’t get me wrong, I hear what you’re saying, but when you speak, you seem to group all women in. I don’t hear women who say they want marriage then spit, but I ain’t doing this, that or another. I just don’t hear that.
MsAtl
February 20th, 2013
2:40 pm
Ex- elaborate, please.
disco
February 20th, 2013
2:42 pm
lol. y’all are reminding me of last week (I think) when ex said he was going to have dushawn pen his book for him.
Celisea
February 20th, 2013
2:44 pm
Funny blog
kimmie
February 20th, 2013
2:46 pm
I don’t hear women who say they want marriage then spit, but I ain’t doing this, that or another. I just don’t hear that.
Leggs – I don’t either. Most are saying a mere boyfreind don’t have the right to make demands. Yet as demonstrated by how we take care of our own homes and children, we are more than capable.
But “play wife”? Nope!
disco
February 20th, 2013
2:49 pm
kimmie – sometimes I’m not even trying to “play girlfriend”. lol. that’s a joke but it’s real. it is what it is sometimes. folks be wanting perks.