Dating: Should you wear them down?
I had brunch with my friend David yesterday and we were catching up with one another about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness. David reports that he is in heavy pursuit of a really fantastic woman. I met her and she seems very nice. I did not get the sense that she was that crazy about him, though.
Although I supported him trying to start a relationship with her, I was bothered when he told me about a comment she made on Valentine’s Day. It was something about how he was wearing her down and really growing on her. Growing on her. Like a wart?
It didn’t bother him – so I didn’t dwell on it much. I just thought it was strange to describe a good potential romance in those particular terms. Maybe I am nitpicking but should someone have to wear you down? If someone who thinks you are awesome is pursuing you, at what point should you start to feel the same way about them?
I know not every romance is filled with passion, crazy chemistry and grand romantic gestures. However, is it indifference a bad sign of things to come? Is there a risk of someone being with you until the “right one” comes along? What if you are a seat-filler until the true star shows up?
When it comes to chasing women, do men think they have to work to wear a woman down? Is that different than winning her over?
How persistent should you have to be in a new romance? When does persistence becomes…well pathetic?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
accessAtlanta Partner Sites
Sections
Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »
Reach the audience you want by advertising on accessAtlanta.com
Join the Access Atlanta Network »
Advertisers and Publishers, expand your reach by joining the Access Atlanta Network.
Tell us what you think about the site
Visitor Agreement | Privacy Statement | About our ads
© 2013 The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
122 comments Add your comment
kimmie
February 19th, 2013
11:27 am
Disco – I am just getting into the MAC eyeshadows, so I don’t have a favorite yet! I do have some that I got recently that look like a few different colors swirled – one has a mixture of purple, blue and silver and the other is a bronze/gold/brown/silver mix. I am into their powder, base and lipsticks.
Speaking of MAC, how about a friend has a hookup that can get me MAC for 60% off!! I’m never buying full price again!
Bluzgirl...ugh...
February 19th, 2013
11:47 am
Dang…everyone abandoned ship, huh?
O/T – remember back in October when I had to take my rat to the vet? Well…she died yesterday (or rather, overnight Sunday night). Please no jokes about it. No matter what kind of animal she was, she was still a pet…I’m bumming…
disco
February 19th, 2013
11:56 am
bluz – no jokes? now that’s a bummer as the blog seems to be in a general slump. some good jokes might do us all good.
Bluzgirl...ugh...
February 19th, 2013
11:59 am
Joke about anything else!
Here’s a new topic…I’m sitting in with a band on Friday night to play a couple/few songs on bass. I practiced with the band on Saturday. How about yesterday, I find out that Mags is also sitting in with the band?!?! I really don’t want to see him, but I’m not gonna let him ruin my good time!!! I’ll have several friends there, so I’m not worried about it. It’s just my luck…
Celisea
February 19th, 2013
12:05 pm
Criticality..is that a word?
Someone just used on a conference call I’m on.
Lady~Sunshine~
February 19th, 2013
12:07 pm
lol C~ I have heard worse lol
Celisea
February 19th, 2013
12:08 pm
I guess it is, I just googled it
Lady~Sunshine~
February 19th, 2013
12:08 pm
its nippy and time is moving too slow~ sigh lol #readytogo
Celisea
February 19th, 2013
12:08 pm
Lady – I googled it and it came up. It just sounded weird in the context he used.
Celisea
February 19th, 2013
12:09 pm
Lady – Me too. How about I watched Skyfall for the first time last night, via Xfinity. It was pretty good. I tell you, that Daniel Craig ain’t the prettiest but he sho is fine
abc
February 19th, 2013
12:11 pm
You can change the way someone thinks, if you’re persuasive enough. You can’t change the way a person feels, though, they have to do that for themselves. So, do you want her to think you’re just swell, or do you want her to have those other kind of feelings for you? You might be able to ‘wear her down’ enough to wear it out a few times, and hey, maybe that’s enough for you. Otherwise, do whatcha do.
Lady~Sunshine~
February 19th, 2013
12:15 pm
oh my!
Celisea
February 19th, 2013
12:16 pm
For some reason I like Judy Dench as an actress. I think she’s good!! Except for the one movie where she was digging this woman that was married and made a pass at her. At that point their friendship fell apart. That was just plain nasty and gross….lol Otherwise, I guess it was time for her to “retire” that role. I’m digging the new “penny money” who is now “moneypenny” and a black chick. YOU GO GIRRRRRRL!!!!
Dirty Birds (Rising-up,up,up)
February 19th, 2013
12:26 pm
Good Afternoon!
That is funny David is using the persistance wear her down approach. Nothing wrong with that as long as she is allow the pursuit.
I think Diva may want to wear/out David. Here’s the plan Diva, go out for drinks and dinner on a Thursday, take David to your place and commit to 3 different kamasutru positions for the rest of the night. Call off work for Friday, give david the cowgirl ride while sending in the MIA blog topic for Friday. Make breakfast while feeding and riding David and blogging with the blog faithful. David will then make lunch and cook dinner for the next 3 days. Keep this up until Sunday and you will have your husband in 6 months. YESSSS that will work
@BluzGirl …If you need some eye candy for the jam session, I am at your service. I bring tulips and biceps…lol
Leggs
February 19th, 2013
12:26 pm
Bluz ~ I know you loved that rat, so I hope you feel better soon. Did you say the rat had arthritis or something wrong with its heart, or perhaps I made that up. Nonetheless, hope you feel better soon.
Jessica
February 19th, 2013
12:28 pm
I think it reaches pathetic if he’s the only one calling, the only one initiating contact….if she is feeding it, there is likely something there for her, but it doesn’t quite feel like love for her yet.
Perhaps they will end up as friends…perhaps your friend is someone who people need to get used to and know before they fall for him..
www,datingisdangerous.com
Bluzgirl...ugh...
February 19th, 2013
12:28 pm
Leggs – she had a tumor. She did live a good 4 months after the tumor started growing. I think she was happy up until the death. My sweet daddy burried her for me. My first pet to be buried in my first back yard…
Dirty – you funny…
Leggs
February 19th, 2013
12:29 pm
Nothing wrong with that as long as she is allow the pursuit. – And that’s the bottom line. It’s like the fine guy being pest and she allows it, but with a less than visually attractive male does the same, she’s quick to holler him away. It all boils down to what she allows, not what he’s doing.
SlimNu
February 19th, 2013
12:29 pm
Bluz – Sorry but I have not being “in the know’ on the blog lately. Did something happen tween you and Mags recently? I thought yall were back cool again, especially after that recent session went swell???
Celisea
February 19th, 2013
12:31 pm
Sometimes persistence is due to maybe a person just not being “aware” of you and your feelings or how something is viewing or thinking of you…”in that kind of way.” I don’t think it’s “changing” their mind per se….again, just my opinion. So, if you’re just not “aware” a person is interested, naturally it might take a minute to see if you’re open to something more.
Celisea
February 19th, 2013
12:31 pm
someONE not someTHING
Leggs
February 19th, 2013
12:32 pm
oh, tumor, ok.
You’re “first pet to be buried in…first back yard” reminded me of Pet Semetary.
Bluzgirl...ugh...
February 19th, 2013
12:34 pm
Slim – Yeah…he’s not worthy…I shouldn’t have given him another shot. Long story short, we carpooled to a gig of his and he said he’s pay for gas (since I was broke, I wouldn’t have gone without his offer). I forgot to get the money from him (after a few beers) and he “forgot” to give it to me. I then texted him a few times that weekend and had no response. I sent him a Facebook message telling him that it wasn’t cool that he couldn’t even respond to me and that I will not be disrespected. Well…he wrote back a mean comment and instead of replying, I unfriended him and deleted his phone number. I gave him another shot at just a friendship and he’s just not worthy of it. Done!
Bluzgirl...ugh...
February 19th, 2013
12:35 pm
Leggs – LOL! My dad asked if I wanted him to dig up my old pets that are buried in his yard and I drew the line there. No thank you!
Leggs
February 19th, 2013
12:37 pm
Celisea ~ if a person is being persistent and isn’t aware of how the other is reacting, then the person is quite self-centered. If you’re being persistent and not paying attention to how you are being received, then there’s a problem. If the woman is jolly and still has the come hither, then he’s not being persistent. If she’s balking at the sound of his voice, his presence and he’s not aware, there’s a problem. Either way, he has to be aware of her reactions to his presence, his requests, his voice.
Leggs
February 19th, 2013
12:38 pm
Whew, thank goodness, Bluz! I’ve never buried a pet, but moving from yard to yard isn’t something I would want to do. Weird suggestion, but that’s a father’s love (lol).
SlimNu
February 19th, 2013
12:44 pm
Bluz – Oh okay, sorry to hear that but i’m curious….you texted him and sent him a fb message but did you ever just try to CALL him? lol
Bluzgirl...ugh...
February 19th, 2013
12:46 pm
Slim – I did call him once, but didn’t leave a message because he’s admitted to not listening to the messages. Text is a better way to get in touch with him…
Celisea
February 19th, 2013
12:47 pm
Leggs – What I’m saying is all too many times a person can be “feeling” another person, well before they’re aware or pick up on it. Sometimes, they like you….from a distant, simply because you aren’t aware. I’m just saying a dude can be feeling you and holding back, BECAUSE you’ve not picked up on it yet or not sure if what you’re reading is them being friendly or a bit more. Remember blog dudes saying just because a dude is friendly or polite, to not assume they’re trying to hit on you? So, my thing is once the courage presents itself to make it known, at that point it’s on her. But just because someone makes it known the’re feeling you, it shouldn’t be considered rejection if that person don’t instantly respond. If you step to me and I wasn’t “checking for you” like that, then yeah it’s gonna take a minute to think through whether or not I want to pursue something, or I should say a minute to grow on me.
The stockbroker’s and me, was a situation like that. I worked with him, NEVER gave him a second thought. That’s not to say anything negative on his part. Just wasn’t “checking for him.” Well, we went to pick up lunch for the department and he said it to me then. He said “I’m digging you.” And I responded, I think you’re cool too. And he reiterated, with emphasis “I’m REAAALLY digging you” and I stopped and looked at him for a second and said….”ooooooh”, cause I didn’t see it like that. Now, truthfully speaking, a couple of times I caught him looking but shrugged it off, because I didn’t want to assume anything. From there he asked could we meet for dinner and talk more. I didn’t just fall all in at that point, but I was open and thought, “hmmmm, he’s not a half bad person….maybe”
Celisea
February 19th, 2013
12:49 pm
The stockbroker’s pursuit or the stockerbroker and me (blog slang) is what I was thinking. I mixed the thoughts.
Leggs
February 19th, 2013
1:17 pm
The only variable I was using was “knowing” they’re interested in you. That’s what the topic was about this morning. Not pursuing someone and they’re don’t know they’re being pursued. Of course if one isn’t feeling you doesn’t equate to being rejected if you don’t “instantly” respond. Only rejection when you flat out say “not interested.” But wasn’t even talking about rejection.
On that note, going home…bye!
Bluzgirl...ugh...
February 19th, 2013
1:25 pm
Bye Leggs!!!
Celisea
February 19th, 2013
1:58 pm
I was speaking, using generalities, and you spoke from my post. So, I clarified…USING MY EXAMPLE. Naturally we can always spin things, as we always do on the blog. By midday, often we are longer speaking on the topic. Again, I was speaking in general and varied a bit from the topic. MY situation and example. There are many variations we can talk from a post any given day, any given topic. Don’t make it wrong cause we ain’t on topic. That would contrast how the blog normally flows, to say “it’s not on topic.” What (ever) is…on topic?
I’m out of here today!!
kimmie
February 19th, 2013
2:01 pm
Celisea – Feeling ya on Daniel Craig!! He’s one hot Bond!! Agree with all you said about Judi Dench too, including that creepy movie!!
disco
February 19th, 2013
2:09 pm
umm. did I miss something? is there some globally accepted get out of work free card going around? where do I get one?
Bluzgirl...ugh...
February 19th, 2013
2:17 pm
I wish! I’m just trying to make it until 4:00…Can’t leave before then. That’s the bad thing about my boss letting too many people have the day after a 3 day weekend off…I feel like dirt and have to stay…
Exiled!
February 19th, 2013
2:20 pm
Wearing her down?
The only wearing her down I can think of is of her puddy.
If it wears off like that,kinda like J-Lo’s then we got a problem!
Am I even on topic?
disco
February 19th, 2013
2:20 pm
bluz – re feeling like dirt all I could think was “god made dirt and dirt don’t hurt”. lol.
SlimNu
February 19th, 2013
2:22 pm
I’m still around…but i am surely ready to go! I can tell ya that much
disco
February 19th, 2013
2:25 pm
ex – what do you know about j-lo’s cat?
Bluzgirl...ugh...
February 19th, 2013
2:30 pm
lol disco! I sure wish this didn’t hurt! Getting the body aches now!
Bluzgirl...ugh...
February 19th, 2013
2:43 pm
Doesn’t anyone have anything interesting to talk about?
disco
February 19th, 2013
2:45 pm
bluz – I think everyone went home (trifling so and so’s – lol). might just be us. I’m reading these jacked up “race” stories. the man slapping the kid on the plane and the other man telling the hospital he didn’t want any black nurses handling his baby. all you can do is shake your head and say what you would do if it happened to you. boy oh boy.
kimmie
February 19th, 2013
2:50 pm
Disco – Well, I have something interesting going on, at least to me. I’m getting the wheels in motion to get my Dream Car! A powder-blue convertable Beetle! I am getting what I want versus being practical and sensible! Well, I’m still doing that cause I found a great deal on a used one. But I got preapproved for financing today!
kimmie
February 19th, 2013
2:51 pm
Sorry Bluz, talking to you too!!
Sounds like you could use some sunshine!
Bluzgirl...ugh...
February 19th, 2013
2:51 pm
I heard about the hospital, but not the man slapping the kid. There are still a LOT of crazy folks in this world. I don’t understand it…
Bluzgirl...ugh...
February 19th, 2013
2:53 pm
kimmie – Awesome!!! Good for you for getting what you want! I did that in 2005 when I bought my Mustang. I traded it in last year for a more practical car that would save on gas mileage (Kia Soul). Getting a new car is so exciting!!! I hope you’re getting a great rate…rates are very low right now…
disco
February 19th, 2013
2:54 pm
congrats kimmie – nothing like a new (even new to you) car. go ‘head. a friend of mine bought a pilot last year. she told me the whole thing was exciting because it was the first time in her life she was able to buy the car she wanted as opposed to the car that she could live with and afford. shoot, I’m still trying to get there myself.
disco
February 19th, 2013
3:02 pm
bluz – is the kia soul the one with the hamsters/gerbils/whatever?
Bluzgirl...ugh...
February 19th, 2013
3:06 pm
Yep – that hamsters! I LOVE this car! It zips around town and has much better mileage than the ‘Stang. I’ve put almost 13,000 miles on it since April of last year!