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Dating: Should you wear them down?

I had brunch with my friend David yesterday and we were catching up with one another about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness. David reports that he is in heavy pursuit of a really fantastic woman. I met her and she seems very nice. I did not get the sense that she was that crazy about him, though.

Although I supported him trying to start a relationship with her, I was bothered when he told me about a comment she made on Valentine’s Day. It was something about how he was wearing her down and really growing on her. Growing on her. Like a wart?

It didn’t bother him – so I didn’t dwell on it much. I just thought it was strange to describe a good potential romance in those particular terms. Maybe I am nitpicking but should someone have to wear you down? If someone who thinks you are awesome is pursuing you, at what point should you start to feel the same way about them?

I know not every romance is filled with passion, crazy chemistry and grand romantic gestures. However, is it indifference a bad sign of things to come? Is there a risk of someone being with you until the “right one” comes along? What if you are a seat-filler until the true star shows up?

When it comes to chasing women, do men think they have to work to wear a woman down? Is that different than winning her over?

How persistent should you have to be in a new romance? When does persistence becomes…well pathetic?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

122 comments Add your comment

Exiled!

February 19th, 2013
6:31 am

‘It didn’t bother him’

‘Nuff said.

merning Folks and enjoy the wet,(yippie),.wet drive.

Single and Happy I Digress!!

February 19th, 2013
6:53 am

Hello all

Damn! I have to agree with ex!!

Lee

February 19th, 2013
7:01 am

I have nothing to add to this topic. Four more days until the weekend.
:)

MissMoni223

February 19th, 2013
8:04 am

GOOD Tuesday Morning MIA!!!

I also find myself agreeing with Ex. . . Oh, well my birthday is in 4 days!!! :-D

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

February 19th, 2013
8:18 am

“Sup” peeps…. Damn…Ex hit it out the park this morning….. Next topic……

SlimNu

February 19th, 2013
8:19 am

When does persistence becomes…well pathetic?

When you find yourself following her whenever she isn’t with you, just so you can see what she’s doing.
When you find yourself going through her trash just to see her favorite things she likes to eat, so you can surprise her and win her over.
When you find a way to sneak some spyware or gps tracking device on her phone.
When you find yourself saving all the loose strands of her hair to make a doll for you to sleep next to at night.
When you “like” every single post and picture she puts on her fb page.
When she has to end up filing a restraining/protective order.
When you steal all of her dirty panties and used sanitary napkins.

……..THEN that’s pretty pathetic. lol

Goooooooooooood morning folks!

Celisea

February 19th, 2013
8:41 am

Wearing folks down can seem desperate but I think it depends on the situation and how it plays out. Say a person has made it clear they’re interested, but due to situations (kids or finances maybe), can’t do at that time. Being willing to wait it out wouldn’t seem like wearing folks down, IMO. If you have no prospects and nothing but time on your hands, maybe it’s “potentially” a good situation waiting to happen, once y’all make it though that person’s issues. I’m not talking about folks already booed up, married, engaged, etc etc etc, and somebody is sniffing around for an opening…nuh uh.

Now, if it’s a situation where you’re hanging on to their ankles and they have another and made it crystal clear, “waiting folks out” is NOT a good look. Seems a bit desperate and even further, scary…lololol

I can’t necessarily say Diva should be offended because if David wasn’t offended and he’s willing to wait or “wear her down”, that’s his choice. They both are apparently available. The scales of “like” just seems to be tipped a bit. Even though David is relaying to Diva, his convo and it seems to be something Diva (and others), does NOT have an appetite for, it just may not be that bad to him. Heck, two of my LTR were with dudes I didn’t really have much interest in. Guess they wore me down….lololol Not saying anything negative on their part, but on the backside or flipside of “wearing folks down”, IMO, can also be called persistent. Sometimes persistence pays off and sometimes persistence becomes an irritant.

Is there a risk of someone being with you until the “right one” comes along? What if you are a seat-filler until the true star shows up?

disco? See? Remember the convo last week of “waiting it out, hoping to become ms right? LOLOLOLOL That’s the FIRST thing that popped up when I read that paragraph

Celisea

February 19th, 2013
8:44 am

And with that comment to disco………

remember the song, “you don’t have to be a star babeeeh to be in my shoooow” lol

disco

February 19th, 2013
8:50 am

good morning. my first thought upon reading the topic was steve urkel “I’m wearing you down baby”. lol. nicky parker was a close second with her professor oglevee. lol.

actually this particular situation doesn’t sound all that off to me. sometimes a person just doesn’t go in expecting much and is kind of lackadaisical about the whole thing. maybe, just maybe, her not being pressed about him or over him is what allowed her to pull back and see him for who he is. maybe, that’s what she means by he’s growing on her. growing on a person, in my opinion, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. it’s not always about some persistent stalker type trying to do too much.

C – as per usual. you are funny girl. I haven’t seen “the object of my affection” but I still think I’m moving forward with “the waitlist plan”. as I told my real-life friends, I deserve some of that. lol.

Celisea

February 19th, 2013
8:54 am

I cannot lie, I almost typed as well, that Steve Urkel’s saying came to mind…lolol

disco – I was only funning. Do you boo :) I did think about it though.

Celisea

February 19th, 2013
8:56 am

I met her and she seems very nice. I did not get the sense that she was that crazy about him, though.

That’s not a bad thing. Sometimes situations like this turn out to be great romances.

David, if you’re reading, hang in there my man. I know from experience and more than once, that persistence and patience is attractive and sexy!

Celisea

February 19th, 2013
8:57 am

Alright, I been here since 8:00 (I’m not believing that either) and I need coffee and I’m feeling burned out already….lol

BBL….gotta work

Celisea

February 19th, 2013
9:00 am

Lord, our annual MANDATORY training curriculum is out there. Just dang sheesh. Some of that stuff seems like it takes a life time to read through. I’m always one of the last one getting it done. Johnny come lately, eh?

Alright, I’m out of here for now.

disco

February 19th, 2013
9:00 am

C – go ahead. make fun. I’m good. certainly not too sensitive to take a jokey joke or two. one of my homeboys this weekend got funny (or thought he was being funny) by saying something about me checking for white boys in tight jeans. I had to tell him I’d take tight jeans over 8 kids, 2 ex-wives and 6 baby mommas any day. that shut him up. lol.

Celisea

February 19th, 2013
9:02 am

disco – I’m only funning. I’m living life to the fullest, enjoying EVERY BIT OF IT and feeling quite fulfilled and happy. I would only want everybody else to indulge in the same :mrgreen: No way I would want anyone to deny one’s self of total happiness, anyway you gotta get it.

SlimNu

February 19th, 2013
9:09 am

In many relationships/courtships, there is usually one person that is into the other waaaay more than the other. Or maybe just has different ways of showing it…

disco

February 19th, 2013
9:20 am

well dang. we hit a wall quick this morning.

Lady~Sunshine~

February 19th, 2013
9:37 am

Good Morning MIA & Waving @ C~ Chuckle too see just interesting~ ;)

Celisea

February 19th, 2013
9:42 am

Lady – Hey girlie! Waving back…and yes, interesting indeed

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

February 19th, 2013
9:44 am

I’m sure there have been some signs of reciprocity – least, I would hope so.

Chasing/wearing anyone down that doesn’t want to be had is a futile effort ultimately.

And, “growing on” someone isn’t a bad thing.

disco

February 19th, 2013
9:46 am

Hey dan.

s/h – you still around?

DuShawn

February 19th, 2013
9:51 am

Persistence beats resistance.

MsAtl

February 19th, 2013
10:03 am

Morning All!
SlimNu- I would have to say that is so far worse than pathetic. Crazy, stalker, scary (hiding my trash). Wow!
Diva- I think if she is not into him, then she should be honest and upfront and it is up to him to accept that. If someone shows you who they are or tells you what they want, believe them.

Single and Happy I Digress!!

February 19th, 2013
10:09 am

I am now disco

Leggs

February 19th, 2013
10:10 am

Maybe I am nitpicking but should someone have to wear you down?M/em> – Sometimes, it takes just that. Persistence! Going after what you want and turning the other person’s feelings about you around. Doesn’t have to be an annoying thing. If you’re being persistent and she’s continues to frown and shoo you away, then you’re a bother. Other than that, if she’s welcoming your persistence, hang tough. Go for it.

disco

February 19th, 2013
10:11 am

here’s another aspect to “wearing down”. I remember once many years ago when I was dating this “older” guy. funny, older was like mid 30s. lol. anyway, he was square and I was wild and while I kicked it with him and spent his money and all I wasn’t serious. I told him that he’d probably be a good man for me after I’d been through a little bit more. it wasn’t so much that he had to grow on me. I liked him well enough. I suppose had he waited on me to go through a little bit more that could have been seen as him “wearing me down”. either way, he didn’t wait. went and married some chick his own age.

The man formerly know as Dan - still...Superior

February 19th, 2013
10:12 am

Hi there Disco

disco

February 19th, 2013
10:13 am

s/h – with all your trips to all-inclusives, how are you getting around the double occupancy surcharge?

Celisea

February 19th, 2013
10:14 am

discco – I see you’re digging the word “square” as well :) I love being a square, whatever that means…lol

Celisea

February 19th, 2013
10:22 am

I think disco’s example falls under being mismatched. I can attest (and I’m sure others), where there’s someone you’re digging well enough but just not enough to lock it in. Sometimes there are variances that sets the two of you too far apart of do the dang thing.

I’ve dated only once, a guy about 10 years older. Y’all remember him. He was too dang grouchy for me. I was 28 he was 38. He spent money, owned his own business, pretty much settled. He only had one son, 21 and gone…even better..lol There’s was just “something” there where I liked him enough to hang out but nothing beyond that. That was off and on for about 4 years. He never “grew” on me….not to that point. I think had he not been so “fussy”, I might would have been interested to go further. I couldn’t deal with the gouchies and frowning and fussing all the dang time. That would work my nerves and caused me many dates, to ask him to take me home. I mean I didn’t say THAT, but I would come up with a reason to cut it short. Don’t judge me.

Single and Happy I Digress!!

February 19th, 2013
10:22 am

Disco what double occupancy surcharge? The one I’m going to in Punta Cana I didn’t see that. The only ones I’ve see that require 2 are the all adult ones. What you may be looking at is the way the show it as per person is split between 2, but what they really are doing is charging one price for the room and then adding the second person for just the all inclusive part. You know instead of saying the first person pays 350 per night and the second pays 50 it’ sounds better when you say 200 pp

disco

February 19th, 2013
10:28 am

C – whatever that means? please. you know exactly what it means. at least you know what it means when someone says it to you personally. lol.

s/h – I’ve got a call in to my travel agent now. I haven’t checked lately but in the past I’ve noticed that there was definitely a markup for one guest versus two. straight discrimination I tell you.

Celisea

February 19th, 2013
10:30 am

disco – Square is relative and a person’s perception. Cause I’ve seen many cake daddies thinking they’re doing the dang thing and I’m SMH…lol

What’s the matter? You don’t read like your chipper self this morning? Okay, moving along until you get more sunnier :)

Single and Happy I Digress!!

February 19th, 2013
10:35 am

Disco, you know since most don’t vacation alone, they advertise it that way. When I usually pick out places to stay it’s right from their website, and even though they always put 2 in for occupancy I change it to one and price usually drop a few hundred depending on the length of stay. and since I’m usually footing the bill, never paid any attention the per person price.

Travel agent?? you mean there are still some of those around :-D

disco

February 19th, 2013
10:38 am

C – chipper? me? almost never that. I only meant that if a person is insulting you, you generally get the insult. well, I guess some folks don’t get it but those folks are special. lol. that’s my only point. someone call you something, you have an understanding of what they mean.

s/h – yep. I have a travel agent. sometimes I go in the office just to see where she and the other travel agents have been lately. I emailed her yesterday but she was out. I told her I have X amount of money, where can I go? since yesterday I’ve been thinking I should probably just go visit my grandparents. still, I’m interested in what she comes up with.

disco

February 19th, 2013
10:39 am

C – although I didn’t understand ratchet. only just got hip to that recently. I was like hmmm. I think I like that one. it has a nice ring to it too. ratchet azz trick. lol.

Celisea

February 19th, 2013
10:42 am

disco – I got the point. And just because someone insults in a round about way, again FROM THEIR PERSPECTIVE AND OUTLOOK, don’t make it true. In those instances, it merely rolls off….lololol I just found it funny that you used “square” cause you made mention of it when I went into “seemingly” overkill using it. I dig being squared. I didn’t find it an insult. A bit of ignorance maybe, tryna get a read on someone from bits and pieces of their life and a screen. That’s the part that was funny to me, but yeah…naw nowhere near slow. I got your point.

Cheer up!!

SlimNu

February 19th, 2013
10:42 am

To add to the ‘wearing someone down thing’, soma ya’ll like the attention and persistence of a guy vying for your affection. You can’t tell me it isn’t an ego boost because if a dude was checking for you that you REALLY didn’t want attention from, i’m sure you’d let it be known. “Back up dawg, give me fifty feet!”

Celisea

February 19th, 2013
10:43 am

disco – You are one funny gal! I used ratchet, but honestly, I try not to even dabble where I have to use it. Ut oh, there I go again being square….lolololol I just find it slightly beneath if I have to result to calling folks that or names really. I got you though :)

Single and Happy I Digress!!

February 19th, 2013
10:44 am

disco

February 19th, 2013
10:46 am

slim – back in the day it was an ego boost. way way back in the day. like back when you competed to see who could get the most phone numbers. back when you and your boyfriend wore matching outfits. back when fat laces were popular. now, not so much.

SlimNu

February 19th, 2013
10:49 am

disco – I’m happy to say, i’ve never wore matching outfits with any boyfriend. lol And on when laces were in, velcroe is about to be that new new :lol:

Single and Happy I Digress!!

February 19th, 2013
10:52 am

what does wearing someone down consists of, cause I’ve got a couple I need to try it out with :-D

disco

February 19th, 2013
10:54 am

C – cheer up is almost like a dude saying “smile”. lol. as far as name calling, that’s just how I (most of my friends and family) talk. it’s all love. lol.

slim – Velcro is making a comeback? I recently saw someone on the elevator who had on Velcro shoes but I assumed it was because that person was overweight and may or may not have had a hard time getting down there to tie his shoes.

kimmie

February 19th, 2013
10:57 am

Hi Gang!

I guess there is a fine line between persistance and stalking!LOL!! There are many occasions where you like someone enough, but it wasn’t exactly fireworks in the beginning. But with a little time and getting to know them, you find yourself falling for them. That can work – IF it doesn’t take you a long time to get on the same page. I don’t see a problem with a few months, but if it takes you a year or more to start feeling something – just give it up. Might be nice, just not right for you.

I can kinda see where Diva might be coming from too. While I don’t see anything wrong with a little persistance, you shouldn’t have to MAKE someone love you. As long as that is not happening, go for it David!

Celisea

February 19th, 2013
11:02 am

disco – I guess (shrugs). As far as name calling, I guess I’m busy trying to teach my kid that that’s not acceptable, so no family tradition or not, I won’t be dabbling in that sort of thing. Chile, I just don’t think things get that deep where I’m calling folks names and stuff. Unless of course some squared scrub try to take it there…lolololol

BBL….

Bluzgirl...ugh...

February 19th, 2013
11:05 am

Dang it! My post got eaten by the blog monster. Not sure what I said…

Anyway…having someone grow on you or you growing on someone is not necessarily a bad thing.

I’m so not feeling well today and couldn’t stay home because we are already so short staffed here. Had an eventful weekend and didn’t get to rest much, so I guess the illness just set in. I just want to curl up under my desk and sleep…

disco

February 19th, 2013
11:10 am

hey kimmie. what are your favorite go-to mac eyeshadow colors?

Celisea

February 19th, 2013
11:11 am

One last one for now…

Speaking of ratchet and name calling, I had to hold my kid a couple of weeks ago. There’s a chick at church tried to rub up against her bf. Good lawd, she let “freak” roll off her tongue like air and WHILE SITTING IN THE PEWS. I had to tell her, HOLD UP HONEY, WE’RE AT CHURCH!!! So, you see why I’m working the other side of “name calling?” My kid is a F I Y A H C R A C K E R!! I think more than I was at that age. Whew buddy. I thought I had a temper. It’s coming out too… That’s neither here nor there with me though, cause I’ll just look at her to SHUT IT UP!!! She “fiiiinds” herself at that point.

disco

February 19th, 2013
11:22 am

C – lol. that’s funny but it’s not. naw. our name calling ain’t like that. it’s just conversational until we get in straight trash talk mode, then the (abrasive/insulting/fighting words) names do fly.

on topic, family members can grow on you too. I swear I had some little cousins that I just out and out didn’t like and made no bones about it. as they got older they were a lot easier to accept and get along with. now we kool and the gang. then they were just like “uggh”.