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Can you date someone without lying?

A lot of people become cynical about love and relationships because they usually bring some type of conflict. The way you handle that conflict lets you know a lot about your long-term potential. A common issue is honesty. That seems to trip a lot of people up.

Why is it so difficult to be honest and have full disclosure when you are dating someone? If you ask a question, why is it difficult to get a real answer? My friend Sean says that you can’t date someone without lying. Whether it is lying by omission, half-truths, or little white lies- it is something we just contend with in dating and relationships to make it work. Do you agree?

I have a hard time believing that a good relationship can operate with lies. I definitely don’t want a dating relationship to start based on lies! Maybe I’m being unrealistic? How hard is it to hear the truth?

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

329 comments Add your comment

Single and Happy I Digress!!

February 14th, 2013
6:52 am

Hello all!

Don’t believe in full disclosure, so no need to lie, just not going to talk about it. I don’t believe I need to know everything about everybody, and no one sure isn’t going to know everything about me!! Plus most of the time until people get the answer they want to hear, everything else is a lie!!

Exiled!

February 14th, 2013
7:02 am

Happy Valantimes for Lovers!
Happy :eyeroll: day for the Non Lovers!

On topic:

Half truths and Omissions are common and to be expected even when u like her/him that much because you just cannot disclose 1hundred when the relationship is in it’s early stages.

Drip,drip,drip,drip in small details,is how you feed her your history and some of the intimate trufs about your life.

Remember,everyone,men and women go in,putting their best foot forward. The sordid,smelly and croocked past is wrapped tightly wound and concealed while you work on her/his pshyic,convincing thru some mental hallucination of love,passion and desire.
And ofcourse some women will put on some naked show,making the man purr, humpfff and moanfully groan(like Rick Ross), in an acknowledgement of physical sexual delight.

When the fogg of love and lust finally wears off,and her sordid and beyeotch past drips drips out,you are her Biggest defender!

That’s a winning strategy.

Happy valentines Day folks!

Misty

February 14th, 2013
8:22 am

I stopped lying when I was a kid. Maybe that’s why I’ve been happily married for so long?

Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)

February 14th, 2013
8:42 am

I do not understand the need to outright lie…. I owe you nothing so I give it to you strait with no chaser,,,That being said, some things are just not your damn business…. Call it omission if you like or attach whatever lable you choose, but no one needs to know all of my details and depending on the nature of the question, you might get called out for asking……

SlimNu - Happy xoxox

February 14th, 2013
8:49 am

Good morning all,

I had planned on giving out full body hugs and french kisses to the blog men today, but i left my lips on the bathroom counter. So maybe better luck next year ;-)

disco

February 14th, 2013
8:52 am

good morning.

ex – I like that. eyeroll day. good one.

s/h – I’m with you. don’t come at me with all kinds of questions that don’t concern you and I won’t have to tell you to mind your business and stop worrying about stuff that doesn’t concern you. in short, I’m not likely to lie when questioned. I’m likely to tell you to shut the eff up and get out of my face. lol.

now do I lie? yep, but if you ask me everyone lies. it might be a big lie, a little lie, a polite lie, a trivial lie. folks lie. it is what it is. heck, most people lie to themselves at some point. if you can lie to yourself you know you can lie to others.

disco

February 14th, 2013
8:55 am

“awww. what a cute baby”. often that’s a lie.

“good morning. how are you”. “I’m fine”. a lot of times that’s a lie. it’s just the quickest, easiest, most automatic response.

“was it good to you” “yep. sure was”. lies. all lies.

Celisea

February 14th, 2013
9:01 am

Diva, tell your friend Sean, he’s not ready. lol

That mindset alone is a set-up for failure. I don’t have to lie and I won’t lie. On the flip side, IMO, I don’t think it’s necessary to get offended, stern or adamant if someone does asks questions about things they want to know. Many many folks live under the “don’t ask don’t tell”, or “she didn’t ask, so I didn’t volunteer”, shoot you better be asking…lololol IMO, asking comes with the natural in the progression of things. Now, it may not be the right time to answer, but that’s easy. Simply say so. It’s a person’s peragotive to disclose or not. Neither way is wrong…unless you’re hiding your third wife and never divorced your second one…lololol…I kid I kid. Really, if you’re not ready, no need to lie, just make it known that it’s not time or you’re not “there” yet.

Nothing EVER good comes from lying or is there justification to lie.

As the good book says, “the truth shall set you free.” Now if the good Lord places emphasis on, and let’s me know telling the truth is the way to go, no way I’m going to refute that :)

Anyhoo, it’s gonna be a fantab day! Gotta get coffee.

Celisea

February 14th, 2013
9:04 am

Nothing good EVER comes from lying….my bad. I was deleting and rewriting that post.

Celisea

February 14th, 2013
9:05 am

nor is there…….. not or is there

Dern, I need coffee REAL bad :(

disco

February 14th, 2013
9:06 am

celisea – not that I’m trying to be contrary on “eyeroll day” but sometimes the truth will get you hemmed up. this is why folks lie. lol.

Single and Happy I Digress!!

February 14th, 2013
9:07 am

disco, did you see the Seinfield episode with the ugly baby (LOL) yea that’s a good time to die.

Celisea

February 14th, 2013
9:08 am

disco – You can be contrary, I don’t mind (see, I told the truth)…lol I still hold to you “ain’t gotta lie.” If you get hemmed up, I’m thinking that’s a spine (or lack thereof) issue. Just tell the truth. I think you can be smart in how you answer folks, sans the lie, but I hold to….you ain’t gotta le…lololol

Exiled!

February 14th, 2013
9:08 am

Disco…at my other job there was this lady that is always upbeat….’Its a good day!’ said with gutso and firmness,according to her. And she expects everybody to respond that way when probed for the ceremonial and meaningless ‘good morning’ response.

One morning I was really off,feeling real awful for some reason and we meet in the breakroom as I was filling up my gazzlionth round of coffee.

‘good morning!!’ ,with ummpf,she prodes me.

I looked at her with a lazy eye and said ‘hie’

‘you are supposed to respond with blah blah..’.she goes off,imploring me to respond with Energy.

My top went off! Pop!! Damn I was mad and I went off on that lady…

For a cpple of months..she wld not talk to me..

Leggs

February 14th, 2013
9:08 am

Good morning.

There’s no need to lie. I won’tt be disclosing my entire life right out the gate, but what you ask of me I will answer honestly. If you don’t want my honest answer, then don’t ask. If you can’t handle the truth, remain quiet.

O/T: I have a copy of Doener’s manifesto. If any of you want to read it, I’ll email it to you.

Celisea

February 14th, 2013
9:09 am

disco – Take your example of the “awwww, what a cute baby”, I see babies all the time that ain’t came into their own yet, I say, “s/he is soooo precious”, and I say that in sincerity. :)

Single and Happy I Digress!!

February 14th, 2013
9:11 am

I mean lie, cause if you don’t someone my die :-D

Celisea

February 14th, 2013
9:12 am

Let me tell you, I’m not lying when I say “I say good morning” with a smile. It took me years for to change my outlook and how I felt about things and people and eventually, I learned how to do it. It’s second nature to me.

Too bubbly today? lolololol

disco

February 14th, 2013
9:21 am

C – I agree. one doesn’t have to lie but when contemplating the consequences and repercussions one must weigh the truth against the lie. truth gets you a butt whooping. lie gets you an extra dessert. hmm. which way do I go? lol.

ex – yeah. that chick was wrong. she can be as upbeat, happy and bubbly as she wants but she can’t go around telling folks how to act. later for her.

C – re babies I’ll usually compliment an article of clothing or something. I surely don’t tell that lie but many folks do. I’ve also been known to say things like “you must feel pretty/cute/smart/whatever”. lol. yeah. always trying to get in a dig.

Celisea

February 14th, 2013
9:22 am

Faking is another form of lying. For the fakers around me, they get a good morning with a smile, cause I’m the bigger person but THAT’S ALL!!! LOLOL I ACT OUT THE TRUTH, by not playing, joking, shooting the breeze….NONE OF THAT!! I can SHOW them better than being on the spot to tell them, “I think you’re fake.” lololol It’s funny too, cause I got this down to a science and it’s even more funny that they ALWAYS seem to get the picture. We got a few folks around here that get that treatment from me…lolololol That way, you stay clear and free of mess, of accusations and folks saying stuff you didn’t say. If I don’t say it, you can’t repeat. You gotta be REEEEEAL smart around folks.

Button

February 14th, 2013
9:22 am

some people can’t handle the truth! Most people lie about every darn thing, they lie so much, to them it’s the truth. Dating and lying about who you are and what you do, where you’ve been happens all the time. Isn’t it call the representative? Online some men lie about height, some ladies lie about weight.

Celisea

February 14th, 2013
9:24 am

disco – yeah. always trying to get in a dig.

Why am I not surprised? lololol Zingers and digs and stuff along this line can tetter either way…IMO

Bluzgirl

February 14th, 2013
9:25 am

I’m pretty much an open book. You ask me anything and I’ll tell you the truth. I may not disclose every single thing about me, but who does?

Ex – I’m loving the Happy Eyeroll Day! LOL! Also, I would have gone off on the lady also. No one should tell you how you should respond to them. She was asking for it!

Leggs – I finally finished reading that the other day. What a whacko!!!

Exiled!

February 14th, 2013
9:25 am

Cel..u say ‘good norning’ to those other folks u don’t like that much in the office?

Or u like eeeerrrbody?

u remember u have said u and ex were into some sexual debauchery untill u didn’t feel good bout it….Now if u and current were just lounging around at the crib upstairs and in a moment of discourse,he calmly asks u if u have ever did such and such,which u did in ur past,wld u be so open to saying Yes?….without wanting to not to jeorpadize ur current good place.

Never mind what u think he wld or wld not do after hearing the truf.

There mum…lemmme hear!

Happy valentine’s day by the way. :lol:

disco

February 14th, 2013
9:27 am

C – re good morning. to me it matters not whether it’s heartfelt or not. it’s just manners. a greeting. now I find I’m more perturbed when folks ask how I’m doing because in my head I’m thinking it’s none of your business how I’m doing. personally, I don’t ask random people how they are simply because I know I don’t care. I try to let this one roll off of me because I know for some people “how are you/how you doing” is just a greeting. still it bugs me a bit. a lot of times folks will call me and say “how are you” and I’ll respond with “what’s up”. I’ve already told y’all I’m funny acting.

Celisea

February 14th, 2013
9:28 am

Mmello – I speak to everybody (at least in passing). I mean I don’t walk around looking for folks to speak. I do it because it’s polite and and it displays manners and it’s free. It takes no effort. Now, anything outside of that to the fakers, not happening. Nope. I’d be lying to put up a facade. Get it? “I’d be lying” I’m on a roll today :)

czBrat ♀

February 14th, 2013
9:28 am

morning, all. and happy hearty day!

luv the comments so far. by and large i consider myself to be an honest person. however, if you want to call omission a form of lying, then yes, i lie. and i encourage s/o to do the same. :lol:
of course, how that affects a relationship depends on what you’re omitting. i don’t want to hear every detail of your past OR your present. just give me the relevant highlights and feel free to keep the rest in your memory vault.

harmful or malicious omissions, and outright lies intended to mislead and deceive? i think we all learned those are wrong in our kinder years.
those who continue to do it on the regular just need to pair up with someone who enjoys such foolishness.

so how yas been?

Celisea

February 14th, 2013
9:30 am

disco – We agree on speaking. Now, I’m bad with “how are you”…lol So, that’s where we differ. But in all honesty, I’m looking for “I’m well, thank you.” Well, they are. If you ain’t dies and crossed over, in spite of aches, pain, broke, busted, you still living….right?

disco

February 14th, 2013
9:31 am

hey bluz.

C – some folks deserve those subtle digs. I wish I could go at them full on. fix a few little red wagons. lol.

liar, liar. pants on fire.

scratch a lie, find a thief.

tell the truth and shame the devil.

Celisea

February 14th, 2013
9:32 am

disco – some folks deserve those subtle digs. I wish I could go at them full on. fix a few little red wagons

LOLOLOLOLOL….stoooooop

Single and Happy I Digress!!

February 14th, 2013
9:33 am

Questions that deserve the truth

Are you married

Have you ever been married

are you divorced

How many kids do you have

do you have any communicable diseases?

do you have a job.

After that there is not much else anyone needs to know about my past.

disco

February 14th, 2013
9:34 am

celisea – I think about making the mistake (lol) of asking my grandmother or certain elderly folks in general how they are. girl they will tell you about their ailments, their doctor’s appointments, their medications, their bowel movements and on and on an on. no pun intended but “how you doing” can be a loaded question. I generally don’t ask it unless I really care just in case I get the truth. lol.

my son’s general response to how you doing is – “I ain’t locked up”. lol.

Button

February 14th, 2013
9:36 am

does these jeans make my butt look fat? most men will lie and say no.

Exiled!

February 14th, 2013
9:37 am

If the baby is just damn Ugly I ain’t saying none!
:lol:

Bluzgirl

February 14th, 2013
9:37 am

How you doin’ disco? LOLOL!!!

Regarding the “how you doing” and not caring…I have a funny story. It’s easy to get automatic with your responses, such as “I’m doing well…you?….that’s good…” So…the president of the credit union and I would use that greeting every morning and it got so automatic that I didn’t pay attention when he changed his response. I asked “how are you doing?” He said “old and tired” and I said “that’s good.” He looked at me funny and I said…”what…you said old and tired? Oops.” We had a great laugh about it…

czBrat ♀

February 14th, 2013
9:40 am

are you a convicted felon?

do you do illegal drugs?

are you now or have you ever been a chain smoker and/or alcoholic?

do you have baby mommas/daddys?

are you on doctor-prescribed psychotropic meds?

disco

February 14th, 2013
9:40 am

button – back in the day I had a pair of baby phat jeans. boy I thought I was it in those jeans. how come my son said they were “trick” jeans. first I went bug-eyed like boy I know you didn’t just call me a trick. he then went on to explain that the jeans made my legs look skinny and my booty look big. I had to laugh. from then on I keep a pair of trick jeans in my stash.

bluz – what’s up? lol. I told you I generally flip it back.

Hazel

February 14th, 2013
9:41 am

Happy Love Day everyone.

Love Actually =I love you even when you’re sick and look disgusting.

On topic…….What about white lies?
In the beginning, I guess its ok. But as the relationship starts getting serious, one needs to be 100% devoted to the person.

czBrat ♀

February 14th, 2013
9:41 am

better yet, SHOULD you be on doctor-prescribed psychotropic meds? :shock:

Single and Happy I Digress!!

February 14th, 2013
9:42 am

do those jeans make you look fat, nah it aint the jeans (LOL)

disco

February 14th, 2013
9:43 am

lol. y’all talking serious questions. how come I just thought about ludacris. “is that your wife, your girlfriend or just your main beeyotch”? lol. hey, depending on the circumstances that is very legitimate, truth deserving question.

MsAtl

February 14th, 2013
9:49 am

Morning All!
Diva- Sean needs to wait to date until his mindset changes.
I believe in honesty in relationships. If there is a question I don’t like, I would prefer to tell you I am not answering certain things, but I am not going to make ish up. You do not need to know my life from the Magna Carta forward.
Single- I like your list, but there are a few more in my “survey.”
Celisea- That is usually my response too; she is so precious (which is not a lie). Now, if the ugly baby is yours, just acknowledge it, dress it cute and keep it moving, lol.
When I am asked how are you and all is not fine, I will say “I am well,” which is true; I may not be happy at that particular time, but I am healthy and therefore I am well.
That is not to say I never lie (that would be a lie)- I just believe a relationship should be based on honesty.

Leggs

February 14th, 2013
9:52 am

Good morning, czB. Glad to see you.

Celisea

February 14th, 2013
9:55 am

disco – Your son’s response is along the lines of what I’m expecting.

I’m well
I’m alive
I’m living
I’m making it
I ain’t locked up
I’m good

etc etc etc

MsAtl – Right. Babies are just the outcome of that process. No point in hitting them (indirectly) with that. Just compliment their preciousness and K.I.M.

Celisea

February 14th, 2013
9:57 am

My sister use to ALWAYS ask her husband how she looked in so and so. He would always say “you like (insert her name).” That would drive her bananas. lol

disco

February 14th, 2013
9:58 am

C and ms atl – but y’all both have to be aware that “precious” can be southern belle code? shoot, precious can almost be an insult. along with special. I am definitely guilty of saying “so and so is special”. I may be joking or clowning when I say it but I know I don’t mean special in a good way.

Celisea

February 14th, 2013
9:59 am

disco – Naw, no way anybody crossing up “you’re special” with “awww, him/her sho shweet (i.e. precious)” If anybody says, you know you’re real special, take that as an insult…lolol I’ve been time that a LOT of time…lololo And I’m laughing as I type this. Usually from some dude that couldn’t get past “go.”

disco

February 14th, 2013
10:03 am

C – in my mind all those are pretty much lumped together. oh well.

btw – I heard them on steve Harvey this morning talking about the difference between strange looking and ugly. I thought that topic had the potential to be entertaining but I changed channels. anyone hear where they went with that?

Celisea

February 14th, 2013
10:05 am

We’re on a roll today, almost to page 2 :)

Alright, I gotta work. I have 74 emails….boooo

Celisea

February 14th, 2013
10:05 am

Lady – If you’re reading….WE MISS YOU!!!