Can you date someone without lying?
A lot of people become cynical about love and relationships because they usually bring some type of conflict. The way you handle that conflict lets you know a lot about your long-term potential. A common issue is honesty. That seems to trip a lot of people up.
Why is it so difficult to be honest and have full disclosure when you are dating someone? If you ask a question, why is it difficult to get a real answer? My friend Sean says that you can’t date someone without lying. Whether it is lying by omission, half-truths, or little white lies- it is something we just contend with in dating and relationships to make it work. Do you agree?
I have a hard time believing that a good relationship can operate with lies. I definitely don’t want a dating relationship to start based on lies! Maybe I’m being unrealistic? How hard is it to hear the truth?
Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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329 comments Add your comment
kimmie
February 14th, 2013
3:51 pm
I just want a drink!LOL!!
My boo sent me some purple iris and stargazers!!
DuShawn
February 14th, 2013
3:53 pm
@disco- Ignorance is bliss, I wouldn’t want to know.
disco
February 14th, 2013
3:53 pm
okay. I don’t generally put my business on the blog like all that but since it’s slow and it’s not that real I figure I’d see what you all think. so I met this guy that as far as I’m concerned is all that (or at least all that to me). he has a girlfriend. I say okay, fine, it is what it is and keep it moving. a month passes and he’s still all up in my head. fellas, how would you react to a chick inquiring about being wait-listed? can I ride the bench til I get a chance to play? lol. my friends are all like “disco you crazy”. “disco you wrong” all like I’m trying to break them up. I’m like whatever. she’s just a girlfriend. it might work out, it might not. I’m just trying to be on the list just in case it doesn’t work out.
Exiled
February 14th, 2013
3:54 pm
learn what you can expect and determine if you can deal with it.
@Disco..hey Relationship counselor!
so u aint in none coz u cant deal with none?
DuShawn
February 14th, 2013
3:57 pm
disco- If he persued you would you be open to dating him knowing he’s involved, more importantly would you give him some?
Exiled
February 14th, 2013
3:57 pm
I’m just trying to be on the list just in case it doesn’t work out.
@Disco…so how is he putting you on the waiting list or it is u putting urself on a waiting list?
For me, if i were the guy, u aint on my waiting list unless I am smashing..then telling you, yea, ima come back for more coz u cool like that.
so..how are uall rollling and spending quality time?
disco
February 14th, 2013
3:58 pm
ex – that’s kind of true. I’m not in one because I don’t like a lot of people and to be honest, a lot of people don’t like me. how’s that for keeping it real?
Exiled
February 14th, 2013
3:59 pm
purple iris and stargazers!!??
flowers? @Kimmie?
Exiled
February 14th, 2013
4:00 pm
so on what level of understanding are u with this fella..u vibe?
Leggs
February 14th, 2013
4:04 pm
“… how would you react to a chick inquiring about being wait-listed? can I ride the bench til I get a chance to play?” – Curious what kind of proof would you ask for that he actually is no longer seeing his gf??
disco
February 14th, 2013
4:05 pm
dushawn – first things first I haven’t brought it up to him yet. still contemplating it. bouncing it around in my mind. we’ve been flirting hard for months and I only finally asked what’s up a month ago. that’s when the little girlfriend finally got mentioned. now, I figured there might be a girl which is why I avoided bringing it up sooner. anyway, I was just happy it was a girlfriend and not a wife. a girlfriend I can work around. girlfriends are often temporary. lol. so I figure if I bring up the waitlist thing I can gauge his reaction. see where he’s at. if it were about just letting him hit I’m almost 100% he’d do it. thing is, I’d be in this to pull him. I have to find out how serious the relationship is.
Celisea
February 14th, 2013
4:06 pm
disco – That don’t sound like the normal blog you. That’s sounding a bit desperate…no harm when I say that. IMO, you’re talking like a dude. IJS Not a good like, girlie!
Shake that zero and get yaself a hero!! Remember that from Ricki Lake?? That was her mantra…lol
Exiled
February 14th, 2013
4:06 pm
Disco, u soliciting for advice from two dogs who now married, u better be prompt…
we got other playaz waiting in line asking for pimp advice.
our time is precious
disco
February 14th, 2013
4:10 pm
leggs – if it gets to that point he won’t have to prove to me that he’s not seeing her, he’ll have to prove to her that he’s not seeing me. I’m not playing this game to creep, I’m playing this game to win. lol. (of course, I’m trash talking and serious at the same time).
C – actually this is me. the me from back in my “man-chasing” days. I was going to get what I want. I can see how some might think it reeks of desperation. trust me when I say I’m not going to throw myself at him. I’m just going to ask questions. thing is if you knew me, you’d be like my friends. they all wanna know who is this dude because apparently I don’t like anybody. like I said, I’m not in it to break it up. I’m just gauging how serious it is. I know some folks are in relationships just because. if what they got ain’t strong and there’s a chance to move in, then so be it.
Exiled
February 14th, 2013
4:11 pm
okay Disco..i see 4:05..u sound very confident,dising her as” little girlfriend”..
now if u really want to get ahead of the lttle girl friend,flirt him some more so at least he can tell you some details about the other chic…then hopefully,she aint high roller,brainy with good bread….
If not, be good to him,invite him over and kneck and slap and toss him real good…dont diss the girlfriend but tell him,if u want me,u gotta show me u done with her….
wait a minute……
Thats what i wld say, if i were the guy,solicing u Disco, for some….!
disco
February 14th, 2013
4:12 pm
C – if he says I love my girl and I’m planning to marry her. I’ll march on but since nothing beats a failure but a try I have to put my bid in. listen at me. “bid”. yeah I am going back into game mode. lol.
Leggs
February 14th, 2013
4:16 pm
I’m not in it to break it up. – Then why get in. Are you merely looking for a piece on the side for a short spell. If you’re in it to win it, then you’re in it to break them up. Am I missing something?? Even in you’re man days, even you can see you’re running in circles wondering if you should chase tail.
Celisea
February 14th, 2013
4:20 pm
disco – All is fair in love and war… I just think it’s all a little, I dunno, “something” to be going after a dude not really strong in his relationship, or him talking to another outside of his relationship, almost like “stealing” him away. I just tend to think how people are, is how people are. And if he’s “talking” and almost willing to become intimate while with another and you pretty much know this, not a good look. If you’re zeroing in on all of this, IMO it says a lot where this dude lack.
I don’t think I’d be having conversations while I’m booed, to another. Even if we ain’t, weren’t didn’t, maynot (so forth and so on) make it. IMO, the honorable thing would be to end it. Too, who stays in a relationship going apparently nowhere? Seems like betrayal on one end and selfishness by “taking” on your end.
DuShawn
February 14th, 2013
4:20 pm
Sounds to me like his little girlfriend better put on her big girl panties or her man bout to get taken.
Celisea
February 14th, 2013
4:21 pm
Almost like preying on the weak. You don’t strike me as taking on the weak. I can see the feathers of the bird disappearing as you close your mouth around the canary…lol
Bluzgirl
February 14th, 2013
4:22 pm
disco – you know I’m not the best one to give advice, but what’s the harm in feeling him out a little more?
disco
February 14th, 2013
4:22 pm
ex – I am confident. as far as I’m concerned in relationships there are spouses and everybody else. period. she’s an everybody else and I’m an everybody else. lol.
leggs – in my original post I started to say I was really just seeking male input. for the most part I knew what stance females would be taking. it is what it is. as for the in it to win it/break them up aspect, that’s one I’m still pondering. if I wanted to secure a jumpoff position I’m sure I could and little miss girlfriend would likely never know. thing is I’m not going to take that route. shoot they might break up 3 months from now for reasons unrelated to me. he just needs to know if that happens he needs to holler at his girl (me).
Exiled
February 14th, 2013
4:26 pm
Disco…if u put it on that man,u gon win, trust me…..
play to win, not to lose..
once u win,keep doing what u did, to win him
u slack for a minute, hes gon want to prove that he can conquer another..ho, i mean chic..
thats the only downside…..
u wld have to sleep with one eye open unless u put it on him 7 day a week 25/7 and put him to sleep
U strong or u Scared? :lo:
Leggs
February 14th, 2013
4:26 pm
Thanks for the clarification, disco.
Exiled
February 14th, 2013
4:27 pm
but what’s the harm in feeling him out a little more?
boy i laughed! LOL
Bluz u crack me up
disco
February 14th, 2013
4:27 pm
okay. since my business is now officially in the street let me throw out the wild card. where’s swiss when I need him? lol. old boy is white. yep. white. I have never ever checked for a white man in my life but old boy is fine, fine, fine. oh and this ain’t just all out the blue. we been chitchatting since the summertime.
dushawn – yep. I swear some days I have that little angel/devil thing going on my shoulders. right now I’m still chilling but don’t think I ain’t thinking, planning, weighing pros and cons and all that.
DuShawn
February 14th, 2013
4:27 pm
@disco – F&*ck the moral majority. Ain’t nothing wrong with lettting that man know you’re interested and giving him the opportunity to choose.
Leggs
February 14th, 2013
4:28 pm
Had to laugh at your post Celisea, but disco doesn’t know if his girl is weak just yet. She might be, but disco doesn’t know that. Hell, she could be another disco….scratch that (lolol).
Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)
February 14th, 2013
4:29 pm
Sh.it disco your 4:05 reads like how I used to treat guys. Hell that whole post has me kinda nostalgic….but I digress. I understand that men are supposed to be hunters…but women hunt,too..real talk. If I wanted it I got it and just like you said it’s not a matter of desperatioin or throwing yourself at him. I totally understand that post.
That also leads me to what Celi wrote about acting like a dude and I get that,too. I’ve been accused of acting that way in the past but I never accepted it…as I’ve said here before, I know I was hellish(still am when the mood hits) when I look back at some of the things I did and the ways I treated guys…
That approach doesn’t always work because some people just can’t handle it…especially coming from a woman..
Exiled
February 14th, 2013
4:32 pm
@Disco.there are wives out there who ho their hubbies 24/7 coz they know the hubbys have very good apetites…if they dont deliver physically and sexually,the bull destroys the bullpen,sniffing elswhere.
u got as skrong back to maintain what u wanna start…??
if u a good chic, all in all,ur money good, ur looks good, ur vibe good, ur mouf dont pop off nonsense..all a man needs is good kneck show to win him over…..
play the good wife
u cook by the way!…
coz ther e is nothing better than a chic that runs downstairs to make some thing hot after he empties his sack!
disco
February 14th, 2013
4:33 pm
D – I know there ain’t nothing wrong and trust when I decide how I’m going to play it that’s just how I’ll play it. still I’m laying in the cut right now.
sassy – there ain’t never been no shame in my game. I own me and I own mine. so far I’ve done nothing wrong but I am feeling this dude. shoot I even spent some time trying to deny that I was feeling this dude but I had to take my own advice and respect the truth. lol.
Celisea
February 14th, 2013
4:33 pm
Leggs – I done gone and pictured some mousy dude staying and hoping and hoping and hoping…kind of like a chick hanging on, KNOWING she’s a stand in for a dude until better comes along. Shoot plenty of dudes have a stand in when chicks are mousy and push overs. I just pictured dude getting devoured.
At this point, since they’ve been communicating and disco been tryna get in a long time now, I say step to his girl and say, hey chick, I’m taking your dude. Guarantee, that chick ain’t gonna hardly care cause that dude has been a stand-in ONLY all this time. Sort of like keeping one until something better comes along. Well, in this case, disco can “rescue” and get it done. Just TAKE him from ole girl…lololol
disco – GO FOR IT!!! Then you can join the rest of us “booed” folks on here
DuShawn
February 14th, 2013
4:35 pm
Ex- I’m convinced, you are foolish!….lol
Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)
February 14th, 2013
4:36 pm
old boy is white. yep. white. I have never ever checked for a white man in my life
Me either…do your thang mami…
right now I’m still chilling but don’t think I ain’t thinking, planning, weighing pros and cons and all that.
disco…trust me, he knows whats up and the opportunity WILL present itself…been there and done that so I know. Watch,wait and see…plus if y’all been all chatty for a minute, he might be waitin to make a move of his own. Girlfriend, smirlfriend…if it’s serious then govern yourself accordingly but if it ain’t then…
daddy swiss
February 14th, 2013
4:36 pm
Did someone call for the resident white boy?
Whatchu wanna know, @disco?
Leggs
February 14th, 2013
4:37 pm
Celisea ~ she’s not going to step to the woman and flat out tell she’s taking him. I’m on the floor laughing. I know back in the day women did just that. Hell, game the same, players change. So….
disco, step to him, leave her alone (lol).
Celisea
February 14th, 2013
4:38 pm
disco – Seems we’re all agreeing. Go for what you know. I say though bypass all that waiting. Tell this dude girl, he needs rescuing and you’re taking him home. Again, I don’t want to sound me, but at this point, if ole girl ain’t did too much with him, she’ll probably happily oblige.
Git it, git it!!
Leggs
February 14th, 2013
4:38 pm
Damn, I am laughing my a$$ off at disco telling another woman she’s about to take her man, and the competition begins as to who will keep him and who will GET HIM…
Ding, ding, ding….off and running.
Celisea
February 14th, 2013
4:39 pm
Leggs – Some of what I posting is just theatrics. It just seems like dude is hoping for something better because apparently he’s just a stand in to ole girl.
disco – He ain’t the type that’s been dominated and stuff right?
I’m just funning…somewhat
Sassy Me...Feeling like New ;-)
February 14th, 2013
4:40 pm
there ain’t never been no shame in my game. I own me and I own mine. so far I’ve done nothing wrong but I am feeling this dude.
Me either disco and that’s part of what some folks can’t/couldn’t deal with when it came to me.. I’ve never been shy about it either so I’m with you on that. Shyyd…make it do what it do…
disco
February 14th, 2013
4:40 pm
C – trust me. it ain’t been like I’ve been all pushed up on him or nothing. we just get our little “grin, giggle, what’s up with you on”. nothing out of line, nothing out of pocket. I’ve been speaking to him since back in the summer, didn’t realize I was checking for him until around November when I found myself out with some other joker and was wishing I was out with old boy. since then I had to wrap my mind around it. like I said, I was in denial about the whole white boy thing. lol. and please no one take offense. it’s just real talk.
hey swiss!!!
Leggs
February 14th, 2013
4:40 pm
Celisea is going in all cave woman style. Grab him by his knutts and sling him over your shoulders back to your cave!
Celisea
February 14th, 2013
4:41 pm
I asked about the dominating part to disco, cause disco reads like a fire cracker. Don’t be getting dude home and then he’s all frail and weak and mousy…lol You gon be like dang, tossing dude back and saying now I see why ole girl didn’t walk him down the aisle. Not him walk her but her him….
I’M JUST HAVING FUN WITH IT….DON’T GET OFFENDED
disco
February 14th, 2013
4:42 pm
sassy – thanks. I like it when someone really truly seems to get where I’m coming from.
C – you crazy. I ain’t bit more thinking about his woman like that. I’m needing for old boy to have a “sunshine” moment. remember harlem nights? I’m never coming home? lol. that’s what I’m talking about.
Leggs
February 14th, 2013
4:43 pm
Not sure if your post is too me Celisea, but I’m enjoying…nothing is offending me.
Celisea
February 14th, 2013
4:43 pm
Leggs – I just laughed at your 4:40…I’m just having fun these last few minutes.
I say folks should get in where they fit in. Just like me and mine
Celisea
February 14th, 2013
4:44 pm
Leggs – That was in general…don’t want it to be taken the wrong way.
disco – Git it, git it
Leggs
February 14th, 2013
4:44 pm
skip over my post, Celisea. I read wrong.
Celisea
February 14th, 2013
4:45 pm
disco – You reckon he’s gonna tell you when they have their sunshine moment? Or do you think he’ll keep a lifeline to you?
disco
February 14th, 2013
4:46 pm
C – have at it. I ain’t even mad. child my real life friends are like “who is this dude? he got you wide open”. lol. yep. it’s like that and he don’t even know. this is why I absolutely will go for mine when it’s time.
oh. and y’all oughtta know I ain’t checking for no punk azz brothers. no I ain’t trying to get with no punk azz non-brothers. lol. he’s bout it. trust.