Worry about picking the wrong one?
There are those who believe that single people are afraid of committing to anyone. What is closer to the truth, though, is many people are afraid of picking the wrong person. This is a real fear because we hear all the horror stories, see the divorce rates, and start to to doubt if it is worth it.
It’s really interesting because some people don’t trust their instincts when it comes to finding the right one. Let’s face it, we have a long line of “what was I thinking” exes to point to our bad choices! The question then becomes, how do you handle the fear of picking the wrong person?
Do you ever worry that you could end up with someone who is not a good match? Do you wonder if the person you pick will change?
What is the best advice someone has given you about picking the right mate? Share the wisdom!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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241 comments Add your comment
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
6:59 am
Hello All
Do you ever worry that you could end up with someone who is not a good match? No
Do you wonder if the person you pick will change? NO
What is the best advice someone has given you about picking the right mate? Get out and enjoy life and things will fall in place! Stop worrying about the little things!
Button
February 12th, 2013
8:28 am
Good morning, once you realize that you’re dealing with another human being with flaws and will change due to life happening then you will be a little easier on yourself. Once you understand that that person may have the same reservations that you have you will be a little easier on yourself. Ask yourself what are the things I will tolerate and will not tolerate from the person, if the intolerable outweigh the tolerable things then move on.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 12th, 2013
8:31 am
“What is the best advice someone has given you about picking the right mate?”
My dad looked me in the eyes and said
” There is no such thing as magic….. Find someone that you care for that’s willing to put in the same amount of work as you are and get to it. Anything short of max effort and dedication will fade and you will find yourself by yourself:.
Button
February 12th, 2013
8:50 am
Courtside my dad told me the same thing.. I listened and was married within a year. Words of wisdom.
disco
February 12th, 2013
9:17 am
good morning.
single and happy I was in a good mood this morning. jamming to buju banton on the way in. thinking I needed to go to Jamaica and then I read your post. lol. not that I disagree with your post. I just had to roll my eyes a bit at that “enjoy life and things will fall in place”. it’s sort of in line with “good things come to those who wait” and “when you stop looking he/she will find you”. it’s all a bunch of BS until it comes to pass IF it comes to pass.
on topic – I don’t really worry about ending up with someone that’s not a good match simply because I’m not effing with someone that isn’t a good match. now we may or may not work out but it won’t be because we were all wrong from the start.
as for advice, one grandmother said don’t be with the man you want to be with but the one that wants to be with you. another grandmother said to never be with a man who can’t or won’t do anything for you. my father simply told me not to believe anything any of these ninjaz said. lol.
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
9:30 am
Morning All!!
Best advice I got was from my mother. She said the time you are dating/courting should be very happy. If you are not happy while dating, marrying this person won’t make things any better.
Gotta go to a meeting!!
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
9:57 am
I guess I’m not really understanding today’s post (sorry Wise). How do you “worry” about the wrong mate or match when you can simply drop mister or miss wrong?? I mean how do you look at, see, interaction with someone that’s just wrong for you ANNNND rather than be done, keep them but worry yourself to death?? Knowing this and even further, how do you get down the aisle KNOWING with mr or miss wrong? Unless Diva is talking in a sense of getting bamboozled by someone just bad bad bad for you, I don’t get it. Even to someone “hiding” their true colors, ain’t but so long they can hide.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
9:57 am
disco ~ you’re just plain funny.
That is damn good advice, kimmie!!!!
Islanders has a saying of “pick, pick, pick isht!!!
Do you ever worry that you could end up with someone who is not a good match? Made that mistake once, I’m more careful now so hopefully won’t happen again.
Good morning, good morning!
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
10:00 am
What is closer to the truth, though, is many people are afraid of picking the wrong person
I would hazard that Many single dont realize that They are the Wrong persons!….there has to be a good reason why you are involuntarily Single despite trying and looking left and right,eyes Thirsty, like a deer in headlights.
Quit with the bullshizzle as if uall are in some Due Diligence program no living married or married and divorced women have ever tried!
If it aint happening whats wrong with saying, “I tried, it aint happening, the men aint biting?”
For your Information,there are Plenty of Happy Married women out there….
Yea,Beyonce pointed at that Ring at half Time at the Superbowl, why dont you feel inspired and challenged?
Excuses,Excuses, Now today, its Self Delusion?
DIVA?
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
10:01 am
Disco, when I say enjoy life, what I mean is don’t sit around and let life pass you by because no one is there to share it with. Most of the time people spend so much time looking for something better until they don’t enjoy what they have. Go to Jamaica and enjoy!! But if you don’t like my post you really want like Jamaica, cause that’s all they say (LOL)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9H0xPWAtaa8
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
10:01 am
And with that….have a good day folks!!!
SlimNu - More of me
February 12th, 2013
10:03 am
Morning gang! Um, not much to say on topic so I’ll let yall have this one.
disco
February 12th, 2013
10:10 am
s/h – I know what you mean. I don’t disagree. I was just attacking those tired azz clichés. by the way, I already emailed my Jamaican friends this a.m. to see if/when they were planning on going home. if nothing on the horizon I’ll start checking cruises to Jamaica.
ex – we supposed to be inspired/challenged by beyonce’s ring in particular or just on GP?
leggs – people say I’m funny all the time. what exactly did you think was funny? (see I was so serious I don’t know where the joke was at). lol.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
10:12 am
No joke, it’s simply your delivery on almost everything that amuses me. You have to remember, I have a warped sense of humor.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
10:18 am
@Disco?
just on GP?
I aint geting that….tell me and i will come back and elucidate
disco
February 12th, 2013
10:20 am
leggs – well I do have an “ABM approved” mood today. that stands for arrogant black male and means that my attitude level is low (so far, right now, at the present time). lol. yeah. you know me and my friends ran with that one. lol.
ex – gp is general principle. essentially I’m asking you if we (single women) are supposed to be inspired/challenged by beyonce’s ring/marriage or any woman’s ring/marriage?
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
10:29 am
oghh. Disco….quit with the playing…u know how u women do….
ask urself if a married man wld show off their ring? why a woman?
It is a game(??) if not contest, women play…u celebrate and flaunt ur married status and Beyonce knows, her kinfolk were going to go gaga and green with envy or if not inspoired to want to follow her footsteps…a single woman getting ispired to get her own man…
and her song was like(i dont exactly know the lyrics) like saying i challenged the man and he delivered and here(showing off the ring to the single ladies) I DONE DID it!
So!? :lol
disco
February 12th, 2013
10:33 am
ex – I just didn’t know where you were going with it. have I seen some bad azz engagement rings? yep. did I want to be the chick with the ring? nope. did I envy her? not necessarily. a ring does not a chick make and even on the outside looking in I can see that not every marriage is all that (even if the ring is – lol) so no, I’m not sweating beyonce or any other chick that’s flaunting her ring. and don’t even get me started talking about the chicks who are bragging on some ugly or itty bitty cheap azz rings or the chicks who married the brothers who couldn’t even buy them rings or (God forbid) the chicks who bought their own rings. we could take this conversation some places but we’ll stop here.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
10:33 am
@Disco…one more thought with uall….if its not Inspiration,its Haterration!
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
10:34 am
@Disco..my wife dont have a rign, but we married!
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
10:39 am
That was a bunch of hooey (lol).
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
10:41 am
I just look at the entire topic as another excuse from those afraid to commit. It’s a really big excuse because if someone uses it as a reason for not wanting to marry, how do you counter that? I’m not talking to those that just don’t have the desire to marry – everyone does not. Not even those who tried it but are a little gun shy about doing it again. Those that use the excuse of choosing the wrong one – there really will never be a RIGHT one for them. Everyone they meet they pick apart. Even if they are happy with them, if this person has the majority of what they want in a mate, there will always be something holding them back. If you are on the recieving end of this type of treatment – RUN!! It will not get any better, I know from experience.
That’s what I get from Beyonce’s song – if you liked it so much, you should have put a ring on it and not thrown that fish back in the water. The lady in question did all she could to make it work, but you couldn’t decide, so she moved on to someone that would. Now you’re looking pittyful at the one you let get away!
disco
February 12th, 2013
10:47 am
kimmie – but you forget we live in a new age, a time were some of these (weak, soft, progressive?) men want “man-gagement” rings. lol. have y’all heard about that one? tell you what. I done run up on some that I liked but sure as heck ain’t buying no man-gagement ring. not the kid.
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
10:52 am
Morning, all.
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
10:53 am
I honestly think Mmeelo waits for an opening to toss out his insults and assumptions, disrespect and insinuation. I sort of feel bad/sorry for his never ending, nonyeilding rants. To be compared to Hollywood folks ain’t exactly reality. To be compared cause she’s got a banging body (to some), ain’t reality. I refuse to dally in his never ending insults and diatribes, put downs and disrepsect.
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
10:55 am
And to try and explain, justify or give insight into choices one makes in life all because he’s got one train of thought, is crazy and futile. No way am I doing that…..nope lololololol
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
10:55 am
@Disco..so u think the problem is the men who decide Not to commit and not the women who are not committed to…?
Not to excuse the playaz but some women aint marriage material for some men..in their(men) eyes..
and women (african american) need to quit with the fakery..like they want it,next thing they dont want it…..this aint Dewayne wade fakery basketball….like that….if u want to be married act like a woman that wants marriage, ALLL THE DAMN TIME…UR WALK,UR TALK, UR WAYS……..
good thangs may happen..no guarantees but they just may!
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
10:56 am
Disco – Actually a guy friend that goes to my church floated that idea out to me many years ago! But he was trying to come up with an idea to make money, a man engagement ring! He didn’t ask his fiance’ to give him a ring, but he sho gave her a nice rock!!
Exiled – Sure most women like a nice ring, who wouldn’t. But any mature woman will tell you it’s not about the ring, or the wedding, it’s the marriage. All the fancy rings in the world won’t make up for picking a bad apple to marry and spend your life with. Anybody that’s hung up on mess like that is silly and immature. I’ve known folks that exchanged simple gold bands and went to the justice of the peace, did the dang thing and from outside seem happy and are together after many years. Oh, and they got BANK!!
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
10:57 am
Disco, if you really want to enjoy Jamaica or any of the islands, you can’t do it on a cruise, but the all inclusive resorts are great. (but I’m partial, because I don’t think I would like cruises)
Oh I wasn’t trying to use a cliche, I just get so tired of folks whining about their lives and what they aint got
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
10:59 am
Cel..u think Beyonce is married coz of her hollywood body?
Really? how come Kelly, with an equally banging body, aint…?
U really think there are multitude of folks out there(women) who aint jumping , dropping waiting suitable guys Only because they are afraind of the deed of mariage? You really believe that…
A slew of women(worth to write a blog about) who are dropping elible men left rioght and center coz of fear of marriage.
Folks? This aint Insult….I refuse to accept that non fact.
disco
February 12th, 2013
10:59 am
ex – I wasn’t posting about anybody’s ability to commit. your initial post came off like single women are supposed to envy married women. I was simply stating that I don’t think it’s necessary. not saying envy doesn’t exist. I’m sure we’ve all dealt with it at some point but as a single woman I’m not walking around jealous of every married woman. shoot, I’m confident that some married women (burdened with excessive marital woes) are envious of me.
C – I feel you on ex. I indulge him when ain’t nothing else going on. lol.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
11:00 am
Kimmie.I am Not talking about the ring(symbol)…..nope.
I simply referenced the ring as in marriage..
Duiisco is the one tinking about the ring…
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
11:01 am
I said, MORNING, ALL!!!!!!
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
11:02 am
how come Kelly, with an equally banging body, aint…?
Uhmm, she was engaged awhile back, I think he was an athelete, but called it off.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
11:03 am
Hey there, ITL. Welcome back.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
11:03 am
still NOT married….@Kimmie..what hapened to that banging body…
Its not about the body, its the person,mind, commitment to MARRIAGE.
There are Plenty UGLY women(TO ME) who are married….
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
11:03 am
Oh, I see you’re now screaming at us. Glad I replied before seeing that mess.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
11:04 am
Celisea ~ that’s why I said his post was a bunch of hooey.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 12th, 2013
11:04 am
Disco, Let me ask a question related to your 10:33….. Would you hold it against dude if he poped the question and he was packing a small……….. ring???
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
11:05 am
MMeelo – I don’t think non of what you posted. I think you use what folks posts as an opportunity to nice nastily insult, only because you’re on the outside looking in. I don’t assume no one is UNHAPPY on this blog, if they blog and say they’re happy!! To refute and hang on folks posts, saying otherwise and pretty much calling folks a liar cause they’re life ain’t modeled how YOU BELIEVE a happy life is model is unbelievable.
There are folks booed and not married and happy.
There are folks not booed, not married and happy.
There are folks happily married.
There are folks married and wish wish wish, they could get out.
There are folks that have spouses that ain’t happy and rather than work it out, result to cheating.
There are a number of scenarios in life where folks are happy….and unhappy. But because it doesn’t fit the mold or model you believe to be the only path to happiness is just plain silly at this point. You’ve spewing that
messsince I started blogging. But to justify or try and prove otherwise, to a person behind the screen ain’t happening….not from me. I’ve done all the responding over the years I’m gonna do….lolololololExiled
February 12th, 2013
11:05 am
single women are supposed to envy married women
@Disco..u like to spin the bad word.
Not envy but Inspired!
If marriage is such a good thing that a single woman is looking forward to, wouldnt another married person,maybe of same age Inspire them to want to do same?
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
11:05 am
Leggs – Exactly
disco – All I can do is SMH
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
11:06 am
Ex ~ Beyonce may have (because I don’t know), married JayZ to enhance their businesses and their music potential (along with loving him).
disco
February 12th, 2013
11:08 am
S/H – i’m more likely to cruise when traveling solo primarily because it’s more cost effective and it tends to lend to more social opportunities (plus I just like cruising). resort folks tend to be caught up in their own little groups unless you run into other solo travelers. now, if my friends go to Jamaica we’ll do the “real” Jamaica since they were born/raised there and have family there.
ex –I got on the ring because you said the ring. the ring isn’t representative of the marriage. either way, no envy here.
courtside – I expect a man to be able to provide me with a ring equal to or greater than a ring that I would buy for myself. if I have been dating a man long enough to be at that point he should know how he needs to bring it.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
11:09 am
Cel….why dont we address the Topic instead and use ur arguments, if u do have them, to debunk what i said?
Coz there is no point in setting dogs on the post man. ME
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
11:12 am
Hey Light!!
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
11:12 am
Ex ~ Beyonce may have (because I don’t know), married JayZ to enhance their businesses and their music potential (along with loving him).
@Leggs…good point!
and actually, where I dome from,there is a saying that looselyy translated, says,”Marry who you know or marry someone from the same circles”
I only say that coz it makes sense fro a musician to marry another musician because they understand somewhat,the lifestyle…..
Its a model a single women could use for themselves…marry somebody from the same neighborhood etc…..they know somebody u know..they local…
IJS….
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
11:13 am
come from
cba
February 12th, 2013
11:14 am
Courtside 8:31 & Kimmmie 10:41 = grandslam, slam dunk, hole-n-one, td, etc, etc
O/T was the BET awards a rerun last night?? Just happened to find it……liked SOS band.
disco
February 12th, 2013
11:15 am
random – since I’m a bit hungry and can use a snack I hate that I went to costco yesterday for gas but was too lazy to go inside for a box of trail mix. guess that’s what I get.
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
11:25 am
disco – I did the same thing, but I used the rain as my excuse for not going in!!
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 12th, 2013
11:27 am
Disco, the reason I asked is because I have partner that dated a lady for 3 years, He shoped and picked out a ring…when he popped the question, she told him he needed to get her a “real” ring and ask again… He went out and spent another 5g’s on the new ring and she says yes… fast forward a couple of years and they are in counseling trying to save thier marriage…… I can’t even talk to him about it with wanting to smack him in the back of the head for asking a second time AND going to that bootleg azz church counceling!
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
11:30 am
@Leggs: I wasn’t yelling at y’all…I was projecting.
Hey, Kimmie!
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
11:32 am
Morning everyone. MORNING ITL!!! Good to see you on here.
I think I have a little fear about picking the wrong one because I don’t have the best track record! BUT…I guess that’s why they didn’t work out…they weren’t the right one. The right one will come along one day, but as of this moment, I’m not sweating it. Continuing to focus on me and whatever happens happens…
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
11:32 am
I have partner that dated a lady for 3 years, He shoped and picked out a ring…when he popped the question, she told him he needed to get her a “real” ring and ask again
@Court….i would have shaken him untill he hadTourette’s , for doing that, if he were my brother..
thats not a woman that knows what marriage is…her mindset is noit even there….
If he had bought her some expensive jewellery, im sure, and very maybe she wld have been happy still single and dating him andt okay with it.
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
11:32 am
I’m hungry
I think I’m eating lunch early today.
BBL….maybe
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
11:33 am
I think I have a little fear about picking the wrong one because I don’t have the best track record!
@with that i will go take my morning shower
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
11:34 am
Courtside – See I couldn’t even fix my mouth to say something like that! I guess I was just raised different. I would have gone along with whatever he picked out and maybe suggested an upgrade on our 10th anniversary or something, or when we were better able to afford another one if I just had to have another ring. But, he went along with it and accepted it, so he can’t complain later. That told him right there what he was getting. She knew he would go along with it.
MsAtl
February 12th, 2013
11:36 am
Morning All!
I am not afraid of committing, nor am I afraid of picking the “wrong one” because hopefully I would have figured that out and stepped prior to marriage.
Disco- I am an example of a woman with a ring that was all that when the marriage was not! You can’t judge a marriage or a relationship by the ring. And did you really say man-gagement ring? That is too much!
BTW- liking the grandmotherly advice.
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
11:38 am
Hey, Bluz!
Co signing what Kimmie said.
disco
February 12th, 2013
11:38 am
kimmie – re court’s dude. I agree he played himself there. still, I’m not going to co-sign that wanting a nice ring screams gold digger. it doesn’t necessarily. for some women a ring is important. for others it’s not important. all I can say is fellows know which woman you are with. I, for one, want a nice ring but I also am able to purchase a nice ring for myself. I’m not looking to make a come up on a dude’s ring. it’s unfortunate but that’s how some folks look at it.
MsAtl
February 12th, 2013
11:38 am
Courtside- I am shaking my head at that one. I agree with Kimmie that she should have accepted what he offered.
Exiled- If ever a shaking was warranted, that was it.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 12th, 2013
11:40 am
We had this long debate in our circle abiout this…. several of the WAG’s said it was ok for her to hold out or ask for what she thought she deserved; the dudes all thought it was bullisht!!!
disco
February 12th, 2013
11:42 am
courtside – it was BS the way it went down. if he was into his woman, if they’d been together for awhile, he would have or should have known who he was dealing with. he should have known if she was the type to be happy with whatever or if she was the type that wanted what she wanted how she wanted it when she wanted it. dude got caught slipping.
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
11:46 am
Seems to me like they BOTH had their priorities out of whack.
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
11:48 am
still, I’m not going to co-sign that wanting a nice ring screams gold digger. it doesn’t necessarily.
Disco – I agree. I’m talking the general attitude from the chick in Courtside’s post, and really gold-digger isn’t necessarily the first that comes to my mind. Stank and materialistic is more like it. It’s a lot that the ring symbolizes, to me. If dude was a millionaire and came at me with a cloudy little chip, I might wonder – is he just being cheap and thinks I’m not worthy of better, is he having financial problems and this is the best he can do, does he just not have good taste or doesn’t have any idea what to get me, is it an heirloom? Or does he just not put alot of value on such and would rather invest his money and soon to be ours, in other ways? Alot to consider, but I wouldn’t be so stank about it!
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
11:48 am
(ITL dreaming of being on a sandy beach with a cool drink and a hot man….)
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
11:50 am
disco ~ if you ever shop at Aldi, they have a Honey Nut chex mix that is delicious.
Good one, ITL!
Courtside ~ I agree, but why didn’t he buy the bigger ring in the first place? Was he trying to test her to see if he could get away with the smaller ring? Well, she tested him and won a foolish man. She clearly showed him the “look” of marriage was more important than the “commitment” of marriage.
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
11:52 am
If I were the girl in the situation with Court’s friend, I believe I would accept the proposal and ask if we could go shopping for a ring that better suited me later. When I was engaged, my fiance had picked out a pretty ring, but it was yellow gold and I do not like yellow gold. I accepted it anyways because it was pretty. Deep down, I thought he knew be better and noticed that I only wear white gold and silver…He really should have known to get me a white ring…Still…that didn’t change the fact that at the time, I wanted to marry him!
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
11:52 am
kimmie ~ EXACTLY. Go along with the ring and perhaps get an upgrade for one of their anniversaries. Now, they’re in counseling because she’s too controlling and sucking the life out of him (lol).
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
11:53 am
Also, as I’ve gotten older, I’m not so concerned with a big ring. I’d be happy with a nice sterling silver band from James Avery jewelry. I love his jewelry and it’s my style. I don’t care a whole lot about diamonds anymore. It’s not about the ring or the wedding for me…it’s about the marriage. I decided a long time ago that I want to elope when it’s my time to get married. I have already planned one wedding that I bailed on…I don’t want to plan another…
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
12:01 pm
Bluz – I wanted white gold and my hubs confirmed that with me awhile before we got engaged. He had observed that I liked white gold and wanted to confirm it! My style is more modern versus traditional, and he observed that too about me, so when he picked out my ring it was JUST RIGHT!!
That really does tell you alot about the guy and how observant or not he is to you. I had a guy give me a watch with a brown leather band. I was a little disappointed inside because I hate brown and thought he should have observed that after 2 years. The watch was not me AT ALL, the whole style of it.
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
12:03 pm
Okay, kids….lunch break is over. I’ll try to check back tomorrow.
Good chatting with you. Love and misses…..xoxo
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
12:03 pm
Now, they’re in counseling because she’s too controlling and sucking the life out of him (lol).
Leggs – If that’s the case, he sat up and allowed it, no backbone-having dude!LOL!
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 12th, 2013
12:04 pm
Leggs, He spent like 6k on the $4500 on teh first ring….Nice rring…or so all of the fellas thought. He showed it to us when he broke the news that he was ready to take the plunge. Since I can’t call all of the diamond specs and all, I can’t say what size but I would call it at least a carat…round cut… classy but not over the top…. Ended up going over 10 grand total on this thing that’s almost clownish. He does really well (Medical Equipment sales) so it was never about the cash for him….
Robert
February 12th, 2013
12:05 pm
@Leggs, Celisea, kimmie, disco – “What is the best advice someone has given you about picking the right mate? Share the wisdom!”
Robert’s Rules on Dating – Top 10
1. Let the Man find you. A Man that finds a wife finds a good thing.
2. Never compromise your convictions (spirituality, etc.).
3. Never settle for less (under-achieve).
4. Always demand respect. You are priceless.
5. Always treat people the way you want to be treated.
6. Stop attracting Men who are not striving to be the best (losers).
7. Stop attracting Men who do not have goals (content).
8. Stop attracting Men who are not financially secure.
9. Stop attracting Men who do not have their own car.
10 Stop attracting Men who do not have their own home/house.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
12:07 pm
No doubt, kimmie! He walked right int a mess from the start when he went back to get another ring and propose all over. I could never demand such a thing.
I have a very dear friend who received a teeny, tiny engagement ring. Me and our other friend looked at each other with wonderment in our eyes…we wondered where the diamond was. We didn’t say anything because it wasn’t our place. She was happy and that was all that mattered. She got a bigger diamond many years later. They’ve now been married 22 years!!!
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
12:11 pm
Leggs, I have 2 friends that happened to. They too are still married and got bigger rings and more down the line.
With what all I know now, if a friend came to me engaged, I just want to know what the dude is all about and are they happy. In my 2 friends case, I remember thinking they were so lucky because they found such nice men.
disco
February 12th, 2013
12:12 pm
kimmie – I threw out gold digger to beat the guys to the punch.
leggs – I frequent aldi. was just in there on Saturday.
leggs – I don’t necessarily agree with going along with the ring. at best I’d get with bluz, accept it and maybe continue to shop around. why (settle for) accept something you are not happy with? the soul food episode when damon broke out his grandma’s ugly ring always comes to mind during ring conversations.
bluz – I’m with you. I’ll go cheapo on the wedding because weddings aren’t my thing. I do want my ring though. lol.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
12:12 pm
Ummm, Robert, why you singled us out. We know what we’re doing and what we want! Never settling for less.
Courtside ~ she’s simply ungrateful. BUT, he knew that before he popped the question. He saw the blueprint of his marriage with color coated glasses. Now look at him.
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
12:13 pm
Robert, I made the Top 10….again!!! lololol
1. Check – I’m booed
2. My faith is first and foremost, ahead of everything and everybody.
I’on play ’bout that….noooo Cause when it’s all over with, Imma
need an eternal home. So, no. No compromise here.
3. I have NEVER settled! Okay once, the kid’s dad. I wouldn’t call it
settling though, cause I was sort of “green” back then. The moment
and not a moment later, my eyes opened, I was out of there.
4. I don’t do folks (i.e. kids, homies, boos, coworkers) that don’t
respect.
5. Okay, I might tetter (to some) on this one. I’m cool treating folks
the way I want to be treated, if it’s BS, I’m going nonpolitically
on them. Some may say I’m hateful or quick on the draw. They asked
for it though.
6. I don’t.
7. I don’t.
8. I don’t….definitely not on this one
9. Chile please…lol
10. Seriously???
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 12th, 2013
12:14 pm
LIke $4500 to 6K on teh first ring….
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
12:15 pm
Courtside Seats!!! …your woman should take what u give her..granted u can glean her taste, ask her discreetly or way in advance about her preferenaces etc on some of these things….
A woman with her head star8 and a man who cares for her felings will find balance in the middle,even when they dont have the budget to spalurge…
But to refuse a ring and order the man to ask when they buy the approrpate ring is a sign u are marrying a chicken head..he sign have seen the clue…and dropped her pronto.
Now he is in but he has no leverage nor clout in the marriage..to put it simply he is disrespected.
The only way a marriage like that wld last, with that kinda of woman is if he continues to financially feeed her ego.
He is ur friend but i think his mind is whack.
I have a brorther in exactly that kinda of set up actually…..money is the glue that holds his marriage.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
12:16 pm
plurge
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
12:17 pm
disco – It’s just a graceful, classy way to do things. Her being materialistic or having a stank attitude may not even be the reason why they are having trouble in the marriage now, we don’t know. Only the 2 of them know. I’m with Leggs too concerning him, why didn’t he “bring it” to begin with? Why did she have to point it out to him? It could have been issues all along with him always taking the tired, cheap way out. It’s not all on her, cause we just don’t know.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
12:18 pm
he shld have seen the clue
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
12:20 pm
you mean splurge (lol).
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
12:21 pm
Exiled – It’s a lot of clueless dudes out there, you would be surprised. Alot of them like such women, those that kick them around. They wouldn’t know what to do with a classier, more mild-mannered woman. Just don’t come playing the victim later when the mess don’t work out or you get weary of being kicked around! You saw it up front and liked it and put a ring on it!LOL!!
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
12:22 pm
splurge lol
disco
February 12th, 2013
12:22 pm
robert – I was going to see how I fit into your top 10 but then I realized your top 10 doesn’t make that much sense. we really only have so much control over who/what we attract. some folks attract people who are like them. some folks attract people who are nothing like them. most folks probably attract a combination of both. perhaps you should have said “don’t date” as opposed to “don’t attract”. that’s my argument.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
12:23 pm
@Kimmie..i know..
a lot of men see BET videos with nice bodied women and think “MARRIAGE”…
Marriage is about the mindset…..
disco
February 12th, 2013
12:24 pm
on the topic (sort of) of janky marriages, I can’t stand when folks have a big wedding and then they are homeless after the ceremony. how you going to have a big wedding and then go move in with one of y’all’s momma afterward? just plain wrong.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
12:25 pm
To break it down a little further, Robert, your points 6-10 are not controlled by us. It would have been better said, stop being attracted to….who we attract has nothing to do with who we get “involved” with.
Courtside Seats!!! Caught on the Kiss Cam :)
February 12th, 2013
12:25 pm
Yeah he went in with his nose wide open… All in love and thinking they were gonna be the next Cliff and Clair Huxtable. Problem is, while I think she loves him, I also think they give too much a damn what things look like from the outside. I mean they look the part on teh surface, but when you look a little closer the cracks are big as all of outside…. And they New Birth counseling just sets them up for more jokes and greater failure…
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
12:26 pm
10 Stop attracting Men who do not have their own home/house.
Disagree..unless u have one urself.
Whats wrong with building a future TOGETHER?!!
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
12:26 pm
disco ~ I now see your post…thank you. You got it!!!
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
12:30 pm
disco – That’s called misplaced priorities. See, my mom told me up front wasn’t gonna be no huge wedding putting errbody in debt and we sure were not welcome to move back in!LOL!!
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
12:33 pm
And they New Birth counseling just sets them up for more jokes and greater failure…
…i rest my case!
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
12:35 pm
disco ~ I’ve never understood big, outlandish weddings. I understand it’s what the wife-to-be wants, but I can’t reconcile spending that type of money on a ceremony entertaining other folk when I could better use that money toward our future. I watch Four Weddings sometimes and I’m amazed at the amount of money they spend. To each their own, is all I can say.
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
1:04 pm
Since it’s slowed down in here. I just need to share that I’m having a rough day and would appreciate some good vibes sent my way. Today would have been my friend’s birthday and it’s the first birthday of his since he passed. I’m taking it a little rougher than I thought it would. I’ll be glad when the one year anniversary of his passing will come and go next month so there are no many “firsts.” I’ve been thinking about how I was too self involved last year and forgot to call him on his birthday. I was going through the terrible break up and I’ve had regrets for not taking 2 minutes to call him and wish him a happy birthday. Anyway…needed to get that off my chest.
Carry on…
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
1:16 pm
Awww, Bluz, hang tight. Engulf your emotion, but don’t wallow. He wouldn’t want you to be down.
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
1:17 pm
Leggs, women want to have have big weddings, because they want that fairy tale that they’ve always dreamed about, not trying to start an argument, but most women never grow up!
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
1:17 pm
One happy thought is that he would have LOVED his birthday falling on Fat Tuesday because he was a New Orleans man through and through. I’m picturing in Heaven cooking gumbo and dancing to zydeco music! That does make me smile…
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
1:23 pm
not trying to start an argument, but most women never grow up!
well…u starting the argument by saying MOST..
why u scared of starting an argument Single?
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
1:28 pm
Single, aren’t you the guy that said you “discount” what anyone says if “I” isn’t in their statements? How can you tell what a woman wants and why she chooses a ceremony over the courthouse over elopement???
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
1:28 pm
Ex, you do enough of that
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
1:38 pm
Leggs, when all the talk about is the ceremony, and the house, the kids, the life after marriage, but never about the man that they marry, they have dreamed about this since they were a little girl, then they essentially didn’t grow up. Now this doesn’t go for all women. I’m just going to say some, just like some men never grew up.
And you’re right it’s just my opinion, so it only means something to me, and I could be wrong
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
1:46 pm
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
1:49 pm
Perhaps it’s just me, because I don’t hear women saying any of those things (lol). Whenever any of my friends became engaged, all I heard was “he’s this,” or “he’s that,” “he’s good at this,” “we’re going to so and so.” All the sweetness made me wanna puke (lolol).
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
1:56 pm
Leggs, I usually hear that after the engagement, but before that it’s about all the other stuff. Also when someone refers to their S/O as my Husband/Wife, like they are property. to me those are the ones just wanted to put together a puzzle.
Dirty Birds (Buy a small wedding ring)
February 12th, 2013
2:01 pm
Good Afternoon!
@Robert that is a decent list, you forget to include the most important aspects.
1. Honesty
2. Intergrity
3. Support and honor his woman and himself.
4. Good Character.
You name all material type things which as of right now is what is breaking up marriages. Folks have put materalism ahead of each other and when they no longer have money, well he or she is no good.
This plays a part in making the wrong decision. Choosing someone for financial reason with great qualities usually winds up in divorce.
Women are too funny… First they want a big ring then a big wedding as if they are providing something that is out of this world to a man. Really!
You are becoming his partner so act like that money is your money and put it work so you can have a long substaining happy life together, because bad times are going to come, then you wish you has kept some of the morning for a rainy day.
@Leggs…U are so wonderfull
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
2:03 pm
All the sweetness made me wanna puke (lolol).
why??
SlimNu - More of me
February 12th, 2013
2:06 pm
SH – Every chick does not have dreams of puffy dresses, 13 bridesmaids and a white horse and carriage….Standing on the beach barefoot is cool with me
OR go to the COAThouse then dip off to the beach at a later time 
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:06 pm
single – and some women never believed in fairy tales to begin with.
ex – you instigating?
leggs – ditto on all that “he he he” crap. you love your girl and all but you want to tell her that “HE ain’t nobody”. lol.
s/h – that “my husband/wife” thing has always been a big pet peeve of mine. like they don’t have a name. like I don’t know they are your husband/wife. irksome.
DB – what? most of us are willing to forego the big wedding. lol.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
2:08 pm
Ex ~ sometimes all the lovey dovey can be sickening. I’m happy for them, still sickening (said with love).
What’s a COAThouse?
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
2:09 pm
Oh, sorry, you’re making fun of Court.
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:18 pm
random – I’m feeling a bit out of touch. talked to a friend at lunch and she was telling me that she just had some bootleg cable installed at her house. I briefly reminisced on the days of bootleg cable. and now my dumb azz is paying a bill every month. smdh.
Dirty Birds (Buy a small wedding ring)
February 12th, 2013
2:19 pm
Men when you buy that big ring, pay for that big wedding and grand vacation you are putting a down payment on the puddy. So make sure you stay will her at least 15 to 20 years to get return on your investment. lol
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:20 pm
another random – I haven’t been to the gym in a week. I generally go 4-5 days a week. at the time I thought I had valid reasons/excuses but now thinking back I really don’t remember them. I know there were two bad weather days but I think I was probably just lazy the other two days. shame on me.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
2:21 pm
Has anyone ever gotten in trouble over bootleg cable? Or even gone to jail? What about all the bootleg DVDs people have in their homes. It’s a federal crime, but do you know of anyone who has gotten into trouble?
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
2:22 pm
that was a continuation on disco’s random….
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:24 pm
leggs – I do know folks that have gotten in trouble over the cable and the dvds. of course the dvd folks were distributing so that’s why they got popped. I don’t know of any random joe blow getting in trouble just for owning some. back in the day I paid for basic cable and bootlegged the premium channels.
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
2:26 pm
Single – I think that’s just a very old-fashioned way of thinking, the dreaming of a big wedding since childhood thing. I’m not saying at all it doesn’t happen, I just don’t hear of it from many women.
And the women that have these big weddings – they aren’t having them by themselves. The daddy’s, fiance’s, etc are right up there with them. So nobody is being rational if they are going in debt.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
2:27 pm
Thanks, but my rant was about people owning them, not the bootlegger himself (lol). I’ve always been afraid to get bootleg cable. I was always afraid for those who used other people’s electricity too.
Exiled!
February 12th, 2013
2:28 pm
@Disco/Leggs/Single?
Am I surprised that All the haterration is coming from the single folks.
So u suggest we ban the word husband/wife?
Uall something with your hate! Lol
My wife has ‘hubby’ as the caption for my cell on hers and I have ‘Kids’ Mother’ as hers on mine! Lol
I didn’t want the Lame azz Kirk Franklin ,’Wifey’ label lol
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:29 pm
leggs – re other peoples electricity. at one point in my childhood we lived in a duplex. we were on the first floor and our landlord lived upstairs. how come our power got shut off and my momma rigged it so we could use the landlord’s. how come the landlord’s wife came to visit and after she left I remember my momma and aunties laughing about using their power. I couldn’t have been more than 7 or 8 when that happened. lol.
Exiled!
February 12th, 2013
2:32 pm
DirtyB usually it is J -Lo grade puddy lol
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
2:34 pm
S/H – I used to want to have a big fancy wedding. When I was engaged, we were planning a small, but very nice wedding. After going through that and decided to not get married, I decided that I don’t want to do that again. The past few years, I’ve said that I want to go to the Little White Chapel in Vegas and get married by Elvis, but the older I get, I’m thinking about an elopement to the beach. Just us and family. Then, I’d plan a heck of a party after the honeymoon…
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
2:37 pm
Disco, Kimmie, slim, I know it’s not all women
Ex, when I know your kids names, your friends, names and your dogs name, but not your spouses name, then something it wrong with that picture, and there’s no hating going on here, I’m all for marriage as long as it’s not to me (LOL)
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
2:39 pm
BTW slim, discard the last statement, will you marry me (rotflmao)
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
2:40 pm
but not your spouses name
how does that hapen that u wld know the kids names but not the wife’s name? he does not mention her?
@Single
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
2:40 pm
I don’t smell any hateration, and I didn’t post about the word husband/wife.
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:41 pm
s/h – just this morning I overheard a co-worker ask another one how their baby was doing. I made a face for a split second thinking (baby???) and then it occurred to me that they were talking about a daggone dog. I had to call old girl out and mentioned that they were talking about a dog. she assured me that dogs were babies. all I can say is some people.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
2:43 pm
Cable thieving must be big bizz in the hood….Disco u sure u telling us everything u know? lol
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
2:44 pm
ex, because when they mention the kids, they mention them by name, but for the spouse it’s “my wife/husband”
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
2:45 pm
one of my homies was married to an african american chic…he used to live in the ATLwest side hoods..i wont name street..but
never mind..
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:45 pm
ex – I’m not even sure where you are attempting to go with that?
Dirty Bird (Wedding who needs one)
February 12th, 2013
2:46 pm
BluzGirl can’t make up your mind huh! lol
@Disco u have some funny stories..Never tried the bootleg cable, but the DVD’s are still circulating in the barbershop by the barbers and others on Wednsday and Saturday.
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
2:46 pm
Man, you’d have to really dislike the person you’re stealing electricity from to do that. And who sees their bill going up and up and doesn’t question it? smh….
I love weddings. Used to want a big one, but now, I’d be happy tappy with barefoot on the beach or a destination wedding. Given the choice between new furniture/new house/new car or a big wedding? Yeah, I’mma take the former everytime.
Dirty Bird (Wedding who needs one)
February 12th, 2013
2:49 pm
Exiled How much did your homey pay her so he can stay in this country? lol
The African brothers will pay to stay!
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
2:50 pm
Single, i dont see any problem with that….do u…
This is what folks on the outside dont understand,every successful union has its unique glue,folks on the outside wont,may not understand……if it aint broke,it makes them happy…good for them.
I have seen some dudes with ugly women and im like what the fffffffff…but im sure,her puddy maybe be some outa space..maybe the tip of her tongue makes him forget all problems….who knows…..
one time in walmart,standing in line at the checkout line,behind a fat wife and fat hubby, i saw the wife shaking her head,rolling her eyes coz she wasnt feeling the hubby’s verbal abuse……im sure theyre still married….
if she happy, im happy!
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:50 pm
DB – back before the day of ipods and mp3 I admit I bought my share of bootleg cds. because I am a movie buff, I can proudly say that I have never supported bootleg movies. don’t have any, never purchased any and when I go home and my peeps are like “you wanna watch such and such” I usually avoid it. I know its bootleg. when someone (family) visits me and sees my dvd collection they are always trying to tell me about a hookup. I don’t want a freaking hookup. lol.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
2:52 pm
Exiled How much did your homey pay her so he can stay in this country?
@Dirt..
His Mandingo Ding did the trick homie
he got papers now courtesy of that Union…
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
2:54 pm
@Disco..u say ur folks are ghetto..I know hood coz ive have visited there in the ATL,bootlegging is prevalent..
all im saying
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
2:56 pm
Dirty..the mexiacan pay too by the way…
Its an open secret folks pay..its the lamest imiigration trick out there.
DuShawn
February 12th, 2013
2:56 pm
Re: ring cost: It’s often said that the amount you spend on a wedding ring should be 3 months’ salary. That’s bullshiznit. I believe the cost should be determined by the years we have been together. If we dated exclusively for 3 years before we got married, your ring should cost 3 stacks. Every five years, I will upgrade you 5 grand. Doing the math, 10 years your rock is 13 stacks, at 15 years your rock is 18 stacks and so on (make sure you choose a jeweler that will buy the old ring back.) Your first contract in the league with me is salary capped. You have to prove yourself on the field before we renegotiate.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
2:56 pm
disco, I lived on the 5th floor w/no elevator. We couldn’t rig electricity, but I knew a lot of people that did it. When we did move to a duplex, we on top and cousins on bottom, our parents probably rigged each other’s electricity at some point.
disco
February 12th, 2013
2:58 pm
Ex – that’s almost oxymoronic. I know hood because I have visited. really? that’s funny man.
kimmie
February 12th, 2013
2:58 pm
Single/Disco – It can be a bit irritating for those that just have to, for whatever reason, emphasize “this is my HUSBAND/WIFE”. I find usually it’s the newly married. Otherwise, it’s not a big deal. Most folks I know do refer to their spouse by name, especially those I’m friends with. In fact, now that I think about it, all of my friends and family refer to their S/O by their name. I say S/O because there are so many now that are NOT married, so I don’t know whether to say husband or wife. I had that issue at our recent Super Bowl party. I didn’t know whether this friend of the family’s lady was his wife or not, so I just called her by the name he introduced her as.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:00 pm
“Man, you’d have to really dislike the person you’re stealing electricity from…” – Not necessarily. It’s about survival of the fittest, by any means necessary.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
3:00 pm
@Disco…i havent lived in Atlanta hood, so im being str8 up..my partner used to live in the hood and i wld visit and spend weekend afternoons,checking hood girls and observing hood boys in corners,selling green…
I do know hood….i grew up hood by the way, but not american hood…..thats what im saying
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
3:02 pm
From what I’ve heard, most bootleg DVD’s are very crappy quality…
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:02 pm
Please!! Bootlegging is not reserved just for the “hood!”
disco
February 12th, 2013
3:03 pm
ex – for some reason I thought “your hood ain’t like men”. sort of like “your blues ain’t like mine”. btw, tsotsi has been coming on tv lately. I thought I hit a lick when I bought it on tv. does that movie represent your hood?
leggs – survival. that’s it. and folks get real creative when it comes time to make a way out of no way.
disco
February 12th, 2013
3:04 pm
bluz – that was back in the day of the camcorder in the movie theatre. these days the bootleg dvd has come a long way. lol.
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
3:04 pm
Not necessarily. It’s about survival of the fittest, by any means necessary. – You can be fit in prison, because if you steal from me, that is where you will be. Ask for help, and I’ll help you all I possibly can. Steal from me and I’ll have you locked up.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:04 pm
DuShawn ~ hate to admit this, but this past Sunday I learned what a “stack” was from an 11-year old boy. Never paid the lingo much attention.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:05 pm
“Ex – that’s almost oxymoronic. I know hood because I have visited. really? that’s funny man.”
disco ~ I laughed after reading that too!!!!
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
3:06 pm
Du – The thing about 3 months salary probably wouldn’t work out well in my favor! The ex didn’t have a salary, so I would have gotten a ring out of a bubble gum machine from him if it went that far! LOL
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:07 pm
Ex ~ I now see your 3:00. Cool.
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
3:07 pm
disco – I’m not too interested in watching bootlegged DVD’s since most movies come out really fast to DVD these days. That’s what I have Netflix for!
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
3:08 pm
tsotsi …
@Disco…kinda,sorta,Yes….Tsotsi means Thief/Robber,gangster…….its a zulu movie with a Shona title,,funny….
rough and tumble,surviving,any means necessary, u see it, u look the other way….
Thats hood!
Disco, growing up, my brother and I used to luv going to the local greyhound just to watch pick pockets practicing their defty touches,stealing folks wallets……then they would go to the greens market,buy eggs and vegetables and walk back to their homes to feed their families…
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
3:11 pm
@Ex: That reminds me of one of the short stories in “Say You’re One of Them”….what a great book.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
3:17 pm
ITL..yea, yea yea, if i hadnt stuck to books like a leech, i wlda been be a famous car jacker.
we used to be chased away from the greyhound sport(we were kinda young then) by the wave of a hand by the other look-outs..because they didnt want us to forwarn the unsuspecting commuters, who didnt know their pockets were being picked….
Maybe i shld write a movie script & enlist Dushawn for colorful lingo style….
disco
February 12th, 2013
3:18 pm
ex – we discussed tsotsi before. I thought the movie was good.
ITL – I ain’t mad at you on the lock somebody up tip but the real good hustlers (like my momma and nem) were hustling you without you even knowing it. did you not read where I said the landlady came to visit? sitting up in my momma’s apartment enjoying the electricity she was paying for. that’s game right there. and no, my momma didn’t get caught. I’m not even going into right or wrong. just happy my little 8 year old behind wasn’t sitting in the dark. lol. folks love to say don’t get high off your own supply but a real fly somebody will dip in your stuff and make you think the high is on them. that’s how they do.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:19 pm
ITL ~ I hear you, but that’s the way it is. You’re paying for the electricity, it’s not yours, but I get your drift. I would never, ever send someone to prison for stealing electricity from me. I grew up in hard times so I know many tricks people used just to get to the other side of thru…
disco
February 12th, 2013
3:22 pm
itl – if I’m thinking of the same book I really only liked the story about the child trafficking. I wasn’t feeling the others so much.
ex – you’d have to list dushawn or somebody otherwise no one would understand what the heck you were talking about. lol.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:23 pm
I hear you loud and clear, disco!
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:23 pm
re: your 3:18
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
3:25 pm
I don’t think my neighborhood growing up was considered “the hood”, but I can definitely relate to folks trying move up and get in where they fit in. I can’t remember mama ‘nem bamboozling electricity but I remember other “stuff” getting bamboozled. And much of that I overheard or “caught wind of”, cause that kind of stuff was kept between mama and daddy. They didn’t let us in grown folks’ business. All we knew is we had a place to sleep and eat, chores, went to school, obeyed and that was all. Looking back though now, a lot of stuff I can put together (along with the stuff I overheard or caught wind of). Wasn’t real sure of it back then (had a clue), but not as much clarity now….looking back…than I did as a kid.
I’ve done bootleg, when my sister buys them…lol…but I don’t buy cause I can’t ever see the picture good. So, I don’t spend my money on that.
Mmeello – What are the “hoods” like in Africa compared to here? Also, we need a pic of you. Not being funny but I wanna see what all your hype is about.
disco
February 12th, 2013
3:27 pm
leggs – I know you hear me. some other folks up in this camp hear me too. lol. my all-time favorite hustle as a child was the busting of the food stamps. boy we’d have a candy party trying to get enough change for a pack of newports. lol.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
3:28 pm
@Disco….i only write bad english so i can relate to uall hood selves.
u can aks the white folks i work with
disco
February 12th, 2013
3:32 pm
I also remember thinking the little rent a center scam was the lick. folks would break into and unlock an empty apartment and have rent a center deliver a house full of furniture and then move it as soon as rent a center left.
ex – you ain’t gotta come off how you come off for our sakes. not that I’m trying to speak for everyone but I’m just saying…
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:33 pm
Celisea, Ex does send out pics. Bet he’ll gladly send one to you.
Speaking of hustling, that 79 year old woman selling marijuana and hoarding $130K in children’s lunch boxes was doing her thing!!!
DuShawn
February 12th, 2013
3:34 pm
disco – you stooopiid..lol…I’m starting to think we’re cousins. re: stealing electricity. We used to take the meters from vacant houses and exchange them with ours. Then switch it back before the meter reader came at months end. (Obviously this was before internet connections) When you get your bill, you only used two days worth all month. Your bill was like twenty bucks. And we kept one of those tools to turn your water back on. Funny thing is, I did none of this until I lived on my own. My moms paid her bills on time. She wasn’t with nuthin illegal.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:34 pm
disco ~ I have an ex-friend who uses “lick” the way you do. Never heard it until she said it.
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
3:36 pm
Leggs – LOL…maybe I shouldn’t. Shoot, I just wondered cause he’s always calling folks ugly or commenting on folks’
MMeello – Your english wasn’t as broken or so broken a couple of years back. Actually, I noticed a few months ago, when I went back and was looking for something in particular in the blog archives. That’s when you posted as MMeello. Not being funny, but I though, wow his writing really wasn’t that off a couple of years back. It’s only gotten worse this last year or so. Just saying I noticed it too. Again, not being funny
SlimNu - More of me
February 12th, 2013
3:37 pm
discard the last statement, will you marry me (rotflmao)
Single – Try to propose without rolling on the floor laughing your arse off. It sort of makes it hard to take you seriously sheesh!
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
3:38 pm
The kid’s dad always “dreamed” of hitting a lick somewhere. He was a bunch of hot air and wasn’t gonna buss a grape….lolol
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
3:38 pm
I would never, ever send someone to prison for stealing electricity from me.
Then that’s where you and I agree to disagree. Because if you need help, let me know; shoot, I’ll even help you run the drop cord. But to steal it from me? Nah….can’t get with that. Two things I hate: a liar and a thief.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:39 pm
Ex ~ go for it, send Celisea a pic. Or give me permission to send to her. I have her address (lololol).
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
3:40 pm
Leggs – SEND IT!!! I’m connected on LinkedIn…wonder if it’s the same pic.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
3:41 pm
@Cel…..
Also, we need a pic of you…u have it..u have forgotten or trashed it but i send it to u(of my fam) waay back..if at all, its yours i need to see.. LOL
Mmeello – What are the “hoods” like in Africa compared to here?
..there is good hood, bad hood and real boogie hooods….
but bad hoods aint like over here in terms of crime….no guns per se maybe knives and a little car jacking…but not much in poor folks hoods
but hood criminals prefer to takje their craft to rich folks neighborhoods, not in hood hood neighbohorhoods….
hood folks meet out instant justice in AFRICA if they catch u….by the time the cops come,which takes long time..u mnay have seen ur last supper….
It is easier for Tostsis and they can get more by doing crime in white folks and other rich black neighboods coz, unless theyre guns…rich folks are just kinda easier,more lame and thus sitting ducks to intimidate..and rob..besides they have it…
Rivh neighborhoods are gated, they have dogs on the outside and some keep guns….
There is no due process in africa..u rob, the guy got a guy…u just die…..u re a robber..no rights…
Thats my hood african sense there..
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:41 pm
It’s cool to disagree, ITL. Not many proud people will ask if they could use some of the electricity your paying for.
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
3:43 pm
Leggs – send it to me!
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
3:44 pm
No problems Leggs….i think Cel is playing,she has my pics
here is the scoop, i dont check my englsih nor revise it…i dont put the effort..like i wld in a doc i am writing at work
Thats why..
disco
February 12th, 2013
3:44 pm
dushawn – you just never know. I know I have a good 100 cousins easy. who says you aren’t one of them? you can at the very least be an honorary play cousin.
leggs – I remember we started saying lick probably when I was a teen and for some reason that one just stuck. at least I’m not still walking around talking about def or dope. lol. wait, I still say fly. lol.
C – my momma always uses that bust a grape expression. lol.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
3:44 pm
Im out
good nite
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
3:45 pm
@Leggs: Seems to me if you’re sitting in the dark, you can lay that pride aside for a moment. Especially if you have kids.
DuShawn
February 12th, 2013
3:46 pm
Anyone ever seen that Ice Cube flick when he was in S. Africa and got car jacked. I can’t remember the name, but that was a good movie.
Exiled
February 12th, 2013
3:46 pm
the guy got a gun
disco
February 12th, 2013
3:46 pm
ex – I’m not even necessarily talking about your English. sometimes I just don’t understand what the heck you are talking about. I see the words. I comprehend the words. I just don’t know what they heck you are trying to say. not all the time though. just some of the times.
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
3:46 pm
Mmeello – Not that I’ve been to Africa but what you wrote is sort of what I’ve read or pictured.
I had a Sundanese driver from the hotel last week to take me to the airport. He was a pretty cool guy and I enjoyed listening to him tell me about his culture and upbringing. He was just telling me how he only spoke in Arabic until he came to the states in 2006, about the various tribes, and what not. Pretty nice guy.
DuShawn
February 12th, 2013
3:46 pm
Cousins make dozens.
disco
February 12th, 2013
3:47 pm
ITL – we can’t make you understand. lol. so, like you said, just agree to disagree.
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
3:48 pm
MMeello – i dont check my englsih nor revise it…i dont put the effort..like i wld in a doc i am writing at work
I don’t either on the blog. I consider this the hood (not a reflection on anyone), and a place to kick back
disco – I purposely said “buss”….it ain’t the same say “burst a grape.” lololololol
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:48 pm
I cannot / will not send Ex’s pic out w/o his permission.
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
3:49 pm
@disco: I understand, I just don’t condone.
And I’m not pushing my ideals on anyone; just saying what is right and wrong in MY eyes.
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
3:49 pm
Mmeello – Honest, I don’t have pictures of you. I think you’re getting me mixed with another. Seriously. I’ve seen the pic you posted on LinkedIn
disco
February 12th, 2013
3:50 pm
C – my bust should have been buss (at least that’s how it would have been pronounced). I would never say burst. I don’t think I use that word. now bust. I like that word. bust you in the back of the head. bust your bubble. yeah. bust is useful. lol.
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
3:50 pm
Leggs – I was kidding….sort of. I don’t want one that bad…lol I just had that thought cause he’s always commenting on how people look or shape.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:50 pm
“if you’re sitting in the dark, you can lay that pride aside for a moment. Especially if you have kids.”
You would think so, but black pride can be a mofo for sure!!!!
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
3:51 pm
disco – you crazy
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:53 pm
Especially if the neighbor is a white person (which is highly unlikely…lol).
disco
February 12th, 2013
3:54 pm
ITL – I know. but there’s a component you don’t understand. you’ll put pride aside and go ask for something to feed your baby if you have to. you don’t necessarily have to put your pride aside to bootleg electricity if you know how and the electricity is right there. now is stealing right? no but the premise remains what we already stated. do what you gotta do to make it. period. as a child I remember hearing the expression “lay on my back to feed my kids” (or insert whatever. I didn’t understand it for awhile but eventually I did. you either have hustle mentality or you don’t.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:56 pm
That’s it, disco. And, hustle was all around us growing up. Of course we know how to stretch a dollar!
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
3:57 pm
Or stretch someone else’s dollar.
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
3:58 pm
@Leggs: “WE” do, too. Especially my granny. She could pinch a penny until Lincoln squealed.
disco
February 12th, 2013
4:01 pm
ITL – my son recently went out on a date with a girl that he determined was just raised too differently. he said in discussion she mentioned that she and her brother used to eat syrup sandwiches as kids. he thought that was positive and that she might have had a little hood in her. turns out they ate syrup sandwiches because their mother closed the kitchen after 7 and making syrup sandwiches didn’t make any noise so they could sneak in and make it without getting caught. lol. yes I laughed when I heard the story but the point is that for folks on the struggle sometimes that syrup sandwich is a meal for real. lol.
Celisea
February 12th, 2013
4:02 pm
And I’ll just say it, I feel some kind of way about folks that are resourceful can get that hustle on. Not in a stealing bootlegging type way, but can do the dang thing…in spite of. That’s how our folks was back in the day.
Don’t know why but I ALWAYS think of Goodtimes when we talk about this stuff.
disco
February 12th, 2013
4:02 pm
ITL – we welcome some of your penny pinching stories. redeem yourself. get your blog cred back. lol. right now I’m thinking about the chris rock joke when he said certain folks think they are homeless when they are in escrow. lol. show us what you working with.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
4:03 pm
I understand, ITL, but initially wasn’t talking about stretching the dollar per se. Pride is a hindrance. I’m a strong willed woman, but I remember clearly the day I had to swallow my pride and ask for assistance from another friend. Pride won’t feed you, clothe you, or help get you to work. Pride can destroy a person and it in fact does just that!
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
4:04 pm
don’t start with the syrup sammiches, we ate sugar sammichs. Yes ma’am!
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
4:07 pm
@disco: I don’t feel the need to “redeem” myself, but I’ll tell you, because I’m proud of her, that my granny raised 5 kids, by herself, on a waitress’s salary.
disco
February 12th, 2013
4:10 pm
ITL – and that’s great. I’m simply asking if you have any stories of your granny getting her hustle on to make ends meet. making a dollar out of 15 cents. shucks, at least she had a waitress salary. I know folks who done raised kids without ever holding jobs.
leggs – syrup, sugar, mayonnaise. all kinds of dry azz nothing between the bread sandwiches.
in junior high one of my cousins lived near the frito lay factory. we used to climb the fence and take the expired stuff that the trucks collected that day out of the dumpsters. we were at school selling chips and snack cakes for a quarter.
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
4:12 pm
One of my favorite sandwiches as a kid was mustard and chips! LOL
disco
February 12th, 2013
4:14 pm
nice input bluz. the mustard sandwich. my brother at some point in his childhood put jelly and relish on a sandwich. that fool still eats it to this day. ewww.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
4:19 pm
Never heard of mustard and chips nor jelly and relish.
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
4:20 pm
Slim, it’s hard for me to propose to a screen
but that marriage and honey moon on the beach sounds great, With alot of the resorts if you stay enough days, the wedding is free.
Also you know we had the conversation yesterday about people saying things as a joke but the really mean it
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
4:20 pm
disco – that one sounds gross! Then again, I also like banana and mayo sandwiches and a lot of people think that is gross.
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
4:27 pm
My uncle used to say, “Have a jam sandwich – jam two pieces of bread together and pretend it’s good.”
disco
February 12th, 2013
4:28 pm
bluz – I’ve actually heard of the banana/mayo combo. never tried it, but I have hard of it.
s/h – you been daydreaming about a beach wedding and a resort honeymoon? awww….
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
4:30 pm
I used to like banana and mayo, but the older I get, the more my taste for mayo fades…
I do love PB and banana, though. Matter of fact, had one for breakfast this morning.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
4:31 pm
I used to hate when I said I was hungry, Mama would say “Hi, I’m ___________, nice to meet you” and walk away.
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
4:33 pm
Disco, instead of spending all that money on a wedding for show, we can spend it on a fabulous honeymoon, because it want me mom and dads money, it will be our money
Also I love the adult resorts 
Into the Light
February 12th, 2013
4:35 pm
LOL@Leggs. I hated that one, too. Or “I’m thirsty” would lead to, “Hey, (thirsty)Thursday, I’m Friday. Come over Saturday and we’ll have a Sunday (sundae).”
disco
February 12th, 2013
4:36 pm
leggs – that was just in the book I’m reading. black boy by Richard wright. (yes I’m still reading it. I only reading it during my lunch hour when I’m not running off at the mouth). he said his mother went on to respond to him being hungry with “jump up and catch a kungry”. he said that distracted him for just a little bit but he got hip to that con quick.
s/h – I was just clowning since it was put out there how chicks fantasize about wedding days. apparently you have a fantasy or two of your own about your wedding day. ijs.
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
4:38 pm
Man…I am tired of lazy people at work!!!! I’m afraid I have to get someone in trouble for not doing her job today…ugh! I hate this cause this girl and I used to be “friends” until she got mad over something minor at Christmas time relating to work and we haven’t spoken since. This might be war…
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
4:38 pm
naw disco, you know I was thinking about getting married a few months ago, and since it looked like I was going to be footing the entire bill, I was trying to find the most inexpensive way I could do it.
I know you just being disco, 
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
4:39 pm
No fret, I’m still reading Cane River. Almost finished tho.
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
4:40 pm
ITL – did you ever go to the bar in Marietta called Beale Street? It closed several years ago, but was a blues bar. They made a wonderful grilled banana and peanut butter sandwich!!!
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
4:41 pm
In the workplace, you have to CYA. There may be casualties, but that’s on them.
disco
February 12th, 2013
4:42 pm
dang leggs – really? cane river? please tell me you are reading something else in the meantime. lol. for instance, right now I’m reading three books at once. Richard wright is just my lunchtime book because it’s an actual paper book and I just leave it in the car. I’m usually reading something else on my e-reader as well.
s/h – and what happened with all that. you got cold feet?
Single and Happy I Digress!!
February 12th, 2013
4:45 pm
No disco, things just didn’t work out as planned
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
4:49 pm
Leggs – I wouldn’t say anything, but this is kind of a big deal. I turned in paperwork for a customer who had almost $500 of fraud debit transactions hit his account and she did not credit the account before she left…Really ticked me off cause if she couldn’t get to it, she should have let me know. She even left 10 minutes early today…
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
4:49 pm
disco ~ I was, but can’t remember the other book. I seem to give more reading time to Cane River. Next will be Red River. Remember when I told you I just heard about these books so I ordered them.
disco
February 12th, 2013
4:52 pm
just my opinion but red river almost isn’t even worth reading. for my march book I’m trying to decide between Langston hughes and james Baldwin.
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
4:54 pm
You always say that, disco. It’s funny, because the person who told me about these books says I’m going to love Red River (lolol).
I’m a huge fan of James Baldwin. If you have “Just Above My Head,” go with that one. Slow read at first, but it’s worth it.
disco
February 12th, 2013
4:57 pm
leggs – well in that case you read it and be the tie breaker. I remember being horribly disappointed. it was so long ago that I don’t recall why. I do know that I loved cane river and still read it maybe once a year (along with life on the color line and all over but the shouting). I don’t have that Baldwin book but I have a ton of credit at the used bookstore so I’ll peak in from time to time and try to get what I need to get me through my “resolution”.
Bluzgirl
February 12th, 2013
4:58 pm
Well…I’m outta here. We’ll see how tomorrow pans out with the co-worker. Have a good night ya’ll!
Leggs
February 12th, 2013
5:43 pm
I’m now out…